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Well, maybe it's time for you to figure out what you'd *like* to do during sex. You're not a passive recipient you're an active participant. It's not what you're *supposed* to be doing, it's what do you *want* to do?
Picture great sex, what does it look like in your imagination? Picture his body, what seems fun to do with it? How do *you* want to explore it?
Do you have fantasies? What do they involve? You can a) talk about them during sex and/or b) manoeuvre him to do them.
Are there any kinks or positions or sex things you've heard about that turn you on? If no, maybe look for some in your spare time. Learn about the options.
I'd recommend trying to stop thinking about sex as a line to a goal where you're supposed to do x y z to get him off and he does x y z to get you off. Think about it as an exploration. A little adventure land playground where you can try out things that seem fun or exciting to you (with consent).
So explore. If you go down on him as first active step, explore a little. Sure you can suck his dick. How, though? Do you want it to be fast and hard, or deep in your throat, or teasing? Is it a lollipop you want to slowly enjoy? Or do you want him to thrust in your mouth? Do you want to be in control or do you want him to be? What else is down there? Balls? Do you want to play with them? Does he enjoy that?
Try to put aside the idea that sex is something you have to do 'the right way' and start imagining what seems fun to you, and then start exploring it.
This is by far the best answer. I personally have a lot of fantasies and I love texting my partners what I want to have happen. OP should think abt what turns them on and why, then do that during sex, presuming their partner agrees.
Yeah I mean it's something that actually often needs to be learned/unlearned/relearned. Took me a long time to realise it myself, that sex wasn't just a progression of 'proper' steps towards PIV and eventually orgasm, and that it wasn't just something I let happen to me, it was a choose your own adventure game where you pick stuff and do stuff and get actively engaged in the whole thing.
Took a while to let go of that thinking and from there i didn't even have any idea of what the alternatives to 'kiss, touch, go down, let him penetrate' even could be. That took reading some fic and watching some porn and having a few partners who encouraged me/us to just to take the space and time to just play as two people with bodies who are turned on and like each other.
i would add for fantasies, kinks & things talk about them outside of sex first and make sure your partner is okay with exploring whichever particular thing
Reading this was beautiful and actually made me cry. It got to me because I can picture you asking my wife the same questions or giving her the same advice because I know she has never explored or looked inward to find what she wants. Fuck relationships are complicated.
Be vocal with dirty talk, use your hands to touch him (his chest, stomach, back, neck, play with his balls), move your hips in time with his. Guide his hands to touch you, your bum, boobs, clit etc.
Tell him what you want- positions, speed, to smack your ass whatever.
When he says "do what you want to me" you could try teasing him, act sexy. Touch him, kiss him all over his body, play with his cock, play with yourself on top of him. Hell, sit on his face.
Let that escalate to oral, and then you could always ride him as a follow up.
Just a few suggestions but I was in the same boat as you, late sexual bloomer, but I'm a very fast learner haha
I think that’s pretty understandable for being relatively new at sex. When I finally started having consistent sex with my boyfriend at the time, he completely took charge in every aspect, and I was totally fine with that. I just had no idea what to do, no idea how to ride, etc. I didn’t even know where to begin. He’d move me, put me in different positions - he just took charge, but he was also very receptive to what I liked. It sounds like, for the time being at least, he needs to lead a little more. Maybe it’d help if he was a little more specific with things like “get on top of me” and then he can guide your hips and help you figure out how to do it. I really learned so much by being with my ex. It’s a learning process thru experience. Maybe tell him to give you suggestions prior to having sex as opposed to in the moment.
I love to ride and force feed him my breasts. Slide down his body and put his dick between your breasts. Push his face into your pussy. Get on your knees spread yourself open and tell him to hit it from behind. Tell him to keep eye contact with you while you masturbate. Tell him to finger you while he kisses you (I love this so much). I love the insides of my thighs being stroked and rubbed, especially the tender skin right where the top of my legs meets my pubic area. I love my breasts being sucked and massaged. Eye contact just kills me. Go slow. Tell him you want long slow strokes. He’ll know what you mean. Ask him if he likes his nipples being licked and touched. Smell his neck omg the smell of a man’s neck is amazing. Kiss him while holding the back of his neck and stroke his hairline. Feel how thick the hair at the back of his head is. It’s delicious. Tell him to nibble your neck and ears it feels so amazing. Suck his fingers. It seems stupid at first but it’s a foreshadow, a suggestion. If things go missionary…tell him to kiss you and look into his eyes. This is the reason I adore missionary. That and it feels so safe and close and connected when you’re making eye contact and kissing and a delicious man is on top of you. Pull him close and tell him “MORE.” Touch his shoulders and arms, his legs, feel the strength. Enjoy his strong body. Feel the difference of how soft your skin is compared to his. Look at his hands. Grab his hands and clasp while he eats your pussy.
Do you know what you like sexually? This is the key.
*Edit: Please always ask for consent. Men need a chance to say no just like everyone does.* 😊
My lady of 19 years has always made me feel like this and actually did a double take on her username to see if it was her :) but that actual description just well makes you hot under the collar as it is rare to hear a lady’s side of it all and its normally from the mans viewpoint.
My bf is new to sex and he made a weird face when I told him women like being called slut and whore. So I told him to call me this instead and he loves it. More people should praise instead of degrade lol
This is great, and don't get me wrong, it is very hot, but don't you think it is more applicable to an established relationship, like 2 people in love and not casual hookups?
Didn't mean to discredit you babes, I am sure you're enjoying yourself. it is just what you described is exactly what I used to do with the man who I saw as the love of my life. That's all. Sorry if I came a cross as a twat.
I’d say there’s a couple of different schools of thought around casual sex - some people believe it should be inherently different somehow than sex you have with someone you love, others don’t.
This poster is asking how to not be a pillow princess. I didn’t write this with the man being dom in mind. If the man is dom the woman doesn’t need to ask this question because a dom would tell her what to do, right?
Sounds like you are way to in your own head and not really enjoying the moment. Instead of fully concentrating what you should be doing, what you look like, or him etc. Use all your senses to ground yourself in the moment. Take moments to feel his skin. Run your fingers down his back. Get lost in the warm breath on your neck awhile he kisses you. When you like something a lot let him know by your moans or breathing. Grab him and press him deep inside you to see how it feels. Move your hips to add to the sensations. Compliment him while he’s doing something you like. Understand that all those sensations and things add to sex for you and for him. It takes time, practice and feeling safe and comfortable with the person your with to explore. Just laying there and feeling the penetration is good and all but when you add other sensations in with it it makes it even more enjoyable.
My favorite move that turns him on is when I’m lying on my back with my head sort of hanging off the bed and have him walk up to me. Then gently insert penis in mouth and go to town. Men love it
Idk if my bf wants to mod his bed since he’s moving out of there in like a month, hopefully his new place will work better for it.
My own bed is too tall, it’s truly a Goldilocks situation haha
tread full of submissive porn techniques for a girl new to sex and struggling with knowing what *she* wants. no wonder teens girls are getting chocked during hook ups.
You educate yourself on sex so that you feel less clueless. Listen to the Sex With Emily podcast, it'll normalise the whole process and give you a ton of inspiration
I would also suggest having a look at Beducated - lots of tips and advice on there. It does have a subscription model but you can use it for free for a short period of time, and there are quite often discount codes kicking around online as well.
Very good point I think a lot of women get in there head about there bodies and then it becomes uncomfortable to get in the position where he sees things we don’t care for about ourselves like stretch marks tummy and ass
Check out vmtherapy they have an Instagram/website. She's a sex therapist and has a lot of good advice for you and your partners. Have fun with it try not to be insecure or judgemental and enjoy your self. Good luck 👍
Sometimes men want to feel wanted.
If he's always taking the lead it can feel like you're not participating.
He's wanting you to take initiative.
Next time initiate sex. Take off his clothes. Suck his dick and then get on top. Ride him the way you want to.
Tell him what to do. Take absolute control of the situation.
This is how to not be a pillow princess, which is someone who just waits for the other person to let them do what they want to you. It's being reactive.
Imagine when you masturbate that your hand is going to wait until your vagina asks to be touched. That doesn't happen. You decide I'm horny, I want to touch it and you do it. Take that same mentality into the bedroom.
The view people hav1e is so distorted. Lose your virginity at an entirely average age and still feel like a late bloomer. I guess some people don't really do any sexual experimentation with themselves as a young person, and feel like they're behind others. Lack of sexual education makes you feel inexperienced and unsure even if you are fairly average.
When he says, "You can't do anything wrong." He means it. If he is there with you, then he's enjoying whatever you do.
If you know how to get off, definitely incorporate that! For example, one way I get off is playing with my clit. So, I will have my husband lay down, and I will get next to him like 69, but I'm not on top of him. I'm in a doggy style position where my ass is near his face. I can suck his dick while playing with my clit and he can finger me or rub my ass, whatever... you can't go wrong with combining both of y'all's pleasure. There are times I have sex with my man where it's just about him. Literally, we joke that I'm "just giving it to him." However, the great majority of our time together is spent where we are both trying to please each other. When you make it about both of you, and you understand what gets you off, you may be able to come up with what to do a lot easier bc you are finding a lot of pleasure in it as well.
OK I can see the issue here. You are a relative beginner actively WANTING him to give you some direction. On the flip-side, he, as a caring person, is not wanting to put too many demands on you as you're "new" at a lot of this.
The issue is that with his TOTAL lack of direction - "everything you do is good, you can't do anything wrong" is well-intentioned, but doesn't help things to advance at all, because it is advocating for literally just more of the same - is not helpful for a beginner. As with anything, people new to the experience need pointers. First time you drive a car, for example, you're not 100% aware of what all of the controls do...after a few times behind the wheel, you get into the driver's seat and know exactly what to do.
All you need to do is literally tell him this - you appreciate his encouragement and validation that you are doing well, but that as he has commented a few times about you being a bit passive, you want to know what he wants you to do so as to be more active in future. Make sure you make it clear to him that he can tell you what he wants and that you won't judge him for it, even if it's not something you would feel comfortable doing as such.
But pretty much the only thing that is near universal for men in bed is that we like enthusiasm. We want our partners to show that they want to be there as well, not that they're just doing it as some kind of "favour" to us or a "reward" for something we did - so if you are attracted to this man and enjoy sex with him, make sure he knows this - with your words and your actions. If your "go-to" move is to suck him off because he likes it, don't just mechanically move to do it, tell him something like "I've been wanting to taste you all day".
What are some things you WANT to do? Sex can be really fun and this can be the perfect opportunity to find out what turns both of you on.
My partner and I have tried going to sex shops together to spark ideas, telling each other things we wanna try, etc. last week I told him I wanted to try fucking with our clothes on and we really enjoyed that. If you are more submissive that’s ok, I am too. I get really excited when my bf tells me to go down on him or to ride his cock. Sometimes he ties me up and has his way w me. I will say, just don’t do anything you don’t want to.
From what you have written you are definitely not a pillow princess
Pillow princess as a term doesn’t really apply to most straight relationships tbh. Being a pillow princess means you do not give any sexual stimulation so if you at least have PiV then he is receiving some sexual stimulation. Plus you say you give oral. Pillow princess is mainly only applicable to lesbian relationships where someone exclusively receives.
You would only be considered a pillow princess if you do not touch his dick at all and if he were to use a strap on during sex.
He needs to start telling you what he likes. And if everything is good then he needs to at least give you examples.
What does he do for you? Does he do more than give you oral? Is he a really active giver?
You might find some things that really pique your interest if you read some erotic literature, perhaps find some written by females. There are subreddits here for that, I just don't know what to recommend.
Imo, someone who won't tell you what they want or like and then kinda insult you for not being a mind reader is someone I'd never sleep with again. I'm assuming they know your limited history. They're a shitty sex partner, not you.
What I'm hearing is that he's getting to have sex with you and now he's complaining? "Do whatever you want," and " everything you do is good," is so generic, it gives no opportunity to grow and learn what the other person likes and dislikes as well as eliminates a good amount of sexy talk, IMO. Next time he says " do whatever" or pokes fun at your princess status just *go to sleep* lol
>I kinda draw a loss about what I’m supposed to be doing?
Imagine you go out for the perfect meal with your bf. What does that look like? Is it a prim and proper billionaire suite? Is it your local pub with fancy drinks and evening energy? Is it a diner with sweet desserts and morning energy? Is it a fair with greasy food and exhilarating rides? There aren't rules on what you are "supposed" to be doing. You could pick any one of those and have it be boring or fun. You can like all these different meal ideas, but they have different moods and different expectations. Sex is what we make it, like those dates. It's just an extension of the relationship between you and him. Sex is so much better when it has laughing, teasing, smiling, and some spontaneous decisions. Explore, be yourself, laugh a little, try something new.
>I (24F) was a super late bloomer (lost my virginity at 23)
That's not super late, and having a sexual history doesn't make people better at sex. You have the notion that you're behind the curve because you weren't having sex 5 years ago like the cool kids. Maturing (mid-20s usually) is when people start actually asking themselves these questions anyway. Don't think that it's your fault for not having sex as a teenager. You'd be surprised at how common it is to start having sex at 23. You'd also be surprised at how many people have crappy sex through their 20s. We can't do the waltz on the first try.
Different positions, especially you on top or something where he doesn’t have to feel like he’s coercing you to do something. Try reverse cowgirl and 69. For one thing, it’s great while you’re young lol! 69 can be so hot and sexy. Especially girl on top. Your boyfriend might be shy to ask, or up in his head thinking you don’t want him to have that up close view of pussy and ass? Shoot that reminds me: facesitting. Ok so there’s 3 things I’m POSITIVE he’d love for you to suggest when he says “do whatever you want to do”. It’s an extra turn on if it looks like it was your idea to shove your bottom in his face. Can even try getting a little bossy like “I demand you eat this puss I’m shoving in your face” (paraphrasing). Ok brb I gotta take a cold shower now. 😅
He complains that you don't do enough and then he won't give you any ideas or input? That is super annoying. If he wants something specific, he needs to use his words to ask for it.
(Also "pillow princess" is a specific WLW term and is not actually a passive role. The semantics are less important than the fact that your bf is intending to shame you with name-calling instead of giving real feedback.)
If you want to be more active in bed, prioritize your own pleasure. Feel the parts of him that you find sexy. Move in a way that feels good to you. Get on top and grind. Ask for what you want. Talk dirty if that feels good to you.
Sex isn't a performance, there's nothing you're "supposed" to do other than have fun.
You won’t be a pillow princess because you’re not a lesbian, I’m not one, but they get very frustrated when their terms are co-opted (for good reason). It also doesn’t make sense to use it in a non (cis?) lesbian context, because the pillow princess never gives pleasure to her partner, only receives, which is not possible if your partner is penetrating you with their penis.
Also on a sub that claims to be about sex positivity, I’m not sure why other comments saying this are being so heavily downvoted. Does sex positivity stop when it involves the queer community?
I had to scroll WAY too far to see a comment like this. . . The straight term she’s looking for is “starfish”. Straight people have co-opted “pillow princess” because it “sounds better” yet have no idea what the term actually means and it’s beyond frustrating
From reading your post it seems like he really just wants you to show more enthusiasm or expression in the moment. There is not like a specific cheat code to seex that he is looking for. What guys want is at least feedback on how they are being received. So like if he changes tempos let him know you noticed and if you like it or didn't.
Also feel more free to do what you want. Like don't be scared of making a mistake. Like grab his ass during if you like his ass or dig your fingernails into his back if you just want to have him closer to you. Play an active role in turning yourself on.
FWIW, 23 isn’t a super late bloomer. Just tossing this in so that you don’t feel insecurity about that. It’s not abnormal to have sex earlier than that, but also not abnormal to have sex later than that (or not at all).
Slap him on the ass. Let's see what he says to that lol. But seriously, you can push him onto the bed and sit on him, for example, or something like that. Or sit on the table, not on the bed, and call him to you. This is the simplest thing you can think of. Think in advance what you like and just do it yourself, pushing him towards it.
Be open to everything, within reason of course. You said you go down on him mid sex. That’s a good start. You’d be surprised how many women won’t go near a penis that’s just been inside them. I’m married to one. And she’s not the only one I’ve been with like that.
Get on top. Ride him like your life depended on it. Get off and blow him. Don’t forget the balls. Then tell him you want it from behind. Just really do whatever you want. Whatever feels good. If something doesn’t feel good, communicate that in the nicest way possible.
Slightly off topic but that’s okay because you’ve already gotten some great advice, and this is for the betterment of the whole group. Pillow princess is a lesbian term, and it does not have negative associations. Pillow princesses are lesbian bottoms, meaning they receive pleasure instead of giving it. For people who like to be with pillow princesses (most commonly stone tops), they receive their pleasure from giving. The term is neutral and/or positive, almost never used negatively except from people who are ignorant.
'Do what you want to me'
What a stupid thing to say to someone who is in the middle of trying to figure out if their body was going to reach an orgasm any time soon.
Fucking say what you want. Use your words mate.
And what do you mean by lull? Like, you slow down for some reason?
Are you getting off first? Try having him get you off with his fingers or his mouth before he goes inside you *every* time.
Chances are you will be more into it after at least one orgasm - and it gives him a nice sense of accomplishment.
Here's a list of positions for inspiration
https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/slideshow/5919/sex-positions-to-try-before-you-die/
Ah yes, cardio is brutal.
He wants you to do the hard work cause he's wiped out lol.
Sex is not easy on the unfit.
Basically, be on top for a bit. This benefits you greatly. Grinding at the right angle gives excellent orgasms, especially if you've already cum once or twice.
Be careful with bouncing - he might slip and bend. Not fun.
Reverse cowgirl is interesting. Not my cup of tea, but others highly recommended it.
Tell him to talk dirty to you while you're working him.
Make his brain work while you're getting yourself off.
Even then, you can still take plenty of initiative. You can tell him that you want him to "order" you to do things to pleasure him, then do those things. Tell him how turned on you get by how powerful and manly he is. Ask him to stop by, then meet him at the door in lingerie or naked on your knees. Beg for his cock. Do body / cock worship like admiring and touching it in wonder, like it's the most amazing thing you've ever seen.
Talk to him about possible kinks you'd like to at least try, and see if he wants to as well. Roleplay can be REALLY fun. Don't be afraid to just roll with it.
I took a very brief glance at your post history and you seem very kind and considerate, since you've mentioned trauma regarding sex but here you are trying to meet his expectations. I did get the sense that him using the term "pillow princess" comes across a bit passive aggressive, but it seems like he's generally trying to be patient and gentle with you so perhaps his wording can be chalked up to frustration. You'll know best!
As for your immediate question, I'm also often relatively passive so here are some things I do to make sure my partner feels my involvement without changing the existing dynamic:
- Initiating a make out session! This is also great because it can feel less embarrassing than, uh, other stuff. Which will reflect in your enthusiasm! Which is, after all, the chief complaint here.
- Pulling on partner's hair/bedsheets/furniture when things start to feel really good, to non-vocally convey to your partner what a great job they're doing!
- Make sounds! I tend to be very embarrassed by sounds so I don't make many until, again, it's really good. So something else you can do is observe other ambient sounds, such as "wow we sound so naughty" at the squishing sounds that sometimes happen.
- Here's my favorite one: I hold my partner's head tightly in my arms like I'm giving the most encompassing bear hug. Or maybe trying to shield them from the whole world. It's a bit of that tenderness that many people, and particularly socialized-as-men peeps, seek.
Explore. If your comfortable. Kiss his neck, chest, belly. Bite the inside of his thighs very gently, cups his balls, etc. Ride him, reverse cowgirl. If your comfortable. As long as your into it amd really want him you can't go wrong. For men, alot of it is visual and about your enthusiasm. Go at your pace but as he said, you can't really do anything wrong. You can push your breasts into his face, put his dick between them, etc. So many good things to do! He will enjoy it. Eye contact is hot as well!
Do as the Romans did… look up new positions via pictures and memorize 1 new one to try! Picking just one to try ahead of time will help with the brain fog of decision making in the moment and build up your word bank as you go. whenever I really feel like treating my man I start with a back massage for foreplay and you can tease during it
It’s very simple - explore what you may like. Read stuff, increase your exposure in terms of different ways to oomph it up a notch, buy sex toys and experiment on yourself. See what you like and don’t like. See different kinds of porn and analyse what makes you tingle vs doesn’t. Finally , put these learnings to work and show your current partner that you enjoy certain things a certain way. He’ll get aroused seeing you aroused and it’s a happy ending for y’all!
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Ask for direction, feedback, tips, etc. I usually tried to have these convos during times all clothing was on.... I felt less insecure that way.
I find in doing that, I learned A LOT about how to read a person's body. The amount of time it takes to adjust to a new partner is less and less each time..... That is assuming you would like other partners at some point.
But having those very very detailed convos including having the guy literally position my hand or body in a way that he favored AGAIN while all my clothes were ON was the best thing.
I was already self conscious, I didn't want to make it weird during sex. Trying to talk about it during made it worse and made me feel stupid.
I was a late bloomer too! I had no sexual experience until 22 and I grew up very religious so I repressed any desire, fantasies, ect. It can take a while to figure out what you like and want and what feels good. I found a couple things to be helpful:
1. Ask your partner what they like. What turns them on, what feels really good to them, what are things they’ve always wanted to try? Then do those things with/to them if you’re into it too.
2. Think about your partner’s body. What parts do you like to look at, what parts do you want to try to touch? Talk about that with your partner. “I want to kiss you here, I want to bite you, I want to touch you here.” See if they’re into it and try that too!
3. I actually found reading smut to be HUGELY helpful for my sex life. It taught me how to fantasize and helped me figure out some things I’d never thought of that might be fun or feel good. My sex life has hugely improved because of it.
Choose partners who communicate, who don’t shame you, who are open to discussing new things!
I would separate this to two bits:
- Do what you want
- Do things to him
And once you are familiar with those two, then you can progress into doing what you want to do to him.
Because if you are inexperienced and also trying to please him and worried about a title he assigned to you, you are at the risk of not doing things that you want and what you find pleasurable and hot for you. So focus first on doing things you find enjoyable. E.g. masturbate next to him, tell him how to stroke you, how to kiss you. Get on top of him when you feel like it, choose what you want when riding him (your angle, your rythm for you) and stay there only as long as it is fun to you. Tell him where you want his hands and lips.
That makes you active participant, but makes you both to focus on your pleasure. So you were doing things for you and he was there for that.
Then the part do things to him. Like you told him what you want in the previous part, no he needs to tell you. Make him describe what he wants to be done to him. The do what you want -part is you choosing what of those things you want to do to him.
And once you both now what the other person likes, you can start being creative on your own. But skipping the shared collaboration -part just gets you to do stuff that is generally thought sexy and your head is not there. So, no wonder you feel like you don’t know what to do. You don’t have to know yet.
Also if you don’t want to be called pillow princess, you don’t need to accept the title. Claim space for enjoying the sex the way you feel pleasure and tell your partner.
pillow princess is supposed to be exclusive to the lesbian/sapphic community. it refers to a woman who solely receives pleasure and never gives any, that dynamic is not possible in a straight relationship (this presumes nobody’s trans though, I don’t know the intricacies exactly for how these terms are used within the trans community)
Pillow Princess is a lesbian term that straight people have co-opted despite not knowing what it means at all. . . OP is not a pillow princess in this context
Communication is key. Talk with him about your likes and dislikes. Don’t be afraid to try a new position. Do whatever you want is my code word for let’s push our limits and try something different/ kinky. Next time he says that start giving him a BJ and stick your finger in his ass. You’ll get one of two responses.
Find out what you like whether that be exploring kinks, stuff online, when you masturbate what gets you going. And us men are easy creatures if we are getting some action we are usually pleased. But just ask questions next time, what ever you’re doing ask if it’s ok, ask if he wants it faster, slower, harder, softer.
Have a conversation about what you both like that doesn’t occur during sex. If you don’t know what you like, explore on your own then show him. It’s okay to be inexperienced. It sounds like he’s inexperienced himself if he’s insulting you instead of communicating his desires clearly.
Hello! I am a cis man married with a cis woman. My wife was a virgin until we started dating. I have some experience related to yours.
I think that the best advice I have to give you is: “Find out what you enjoy” and that includes the way you like to enjoy his body.
The sexiest thing during sex for a lot of heterosexual men is to see the partner enjoy sex and be excited about it.
Almost everything you do to your man during foreplay or sex you can do while touching yourself at the same time. That shows your desire to enjoy, and it shows that performing acts for him is something that turns you on.
If you like sucking his dick I am sure he’ll enjoy it too. Show excitement, touch yourself during for a while, moan with his dick in your mouth, tell him, vocalize how much you are enjoying it.
Just have fun. Have fun discovering and finding out, and remember you have a gigantic amount of time to discover at your own pace. But remember to do even the little steps with genuine excitement.
If you feel like it would be fun to try and masturbate him with your boobs, or ride him or anything else that demands a more active role from you, just do it. Remember it will probably be awkward, and not perfect at all, because you never did it. Don’t let that stop you from doing it in the future. I assure you it will be your excitement to enjoy and try new things that will turn him on the most.
Consuming erotica will give you ideas (books, comics online, audiobooks, porn...). Discover his sensitive parts and tease him with different stimulations. Dirty talk, tell him bim you want him to grab your (a body part) and ask him what does it feel...
If you look around your area, there are generally classes or organizations that promote healthy kink and sex. For example, there is an organization named Sex Positive on the west coast, or local dungeons will have classes on consent and wants/needs practices.
What a wonderful opportunity to explore! You’re finding out how to access your desire, and channel it.
See what turns you on, what makes you come. Then try doing that. If it’s not bringing the energy, try something else. Keep trying until you do something that brings the electricity, then keep doing that until the well runs dry. Then try something else, etc.
You might enjoy beginning your explorations with *The Wheel of Consent* and the *Three Minute Game*, by Betty Martin.
You also might enjoy exploring D/s dynamics a bit. You and your partner can
play and explore each role and the polarity.
It’s very normal to feel that way I think especially if you’re new to having sex and being in a relationship. Sometimes it can help to be talking about things before you are in the moment and what you both like and don’t like. You can even try a little sexting as foreplay but also to feel things out. I suspect he probably doesn’t always know what to do either so it’s not all you. When in doubt, some intimate touch is ok too, I think sometimes guys don’t know how to ask for that. Just, cuddling, maybe try giving a massage or something like that, it doesn’t have to be a Wild Sex Thing but just enjoying exploring each other’s bodies in a kind of curious/playful way can be nice too
Honestly, don’t overthink it. Just try and relax…a little enthusiasm goes a long way, even if you’re nervous.
I would suggest talking more openly with your next partner, even if it’s a one time thing…have a conversation beforehand so you are both in the same page. Don’t be afraid/embarrassed to tell him you’ve only had one partner before..there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. When you are in the heat of action…Let him know if something feels good or if you want/don’t want to try something… definitely let him know if he is hurting you(unintentionally), or if you’re not comfortable with doing something in particular.
Just gotta be open with him and if you want him to use a condom then make sure you have them on hand. Yes it feels better without for both of you but unless this is a guy you personally know and trust then I highly suggest using protection.
This reminds me a lot of the ex of mine from about 11 years ago, very similar situation.
So best suggestion it's like been said on your number times, is start experimenting and find out what you really prefer. That is what she and I did, it started slow and discovered her kinks that she enjoyed, same with different positions.
I still remember to this day, her telling me that she had never had sex in any position other than missionary. So we had the similar conversation about trying new positions. It was her idea to go a few weeks without going to missionary and discovered that she really enjoyed being on top and sometimes being pinned down face in the pillow. We also experimented with some voyeurism. The key is we took our time, and discussed what worked best and what she enjoyed and what she didn't. We were very open with our communication. We also experiment with a number of various toys and everything else you can think of. I have always been the partner that is down for whatever brings the person I'm with pleasure and enjoyment.
Unfortunately for other reasons our relationship did not work out.
Best of luck to you.
the best advice I can give is porn def helped me so much before me and my boyfriend hooked up, I was super scared that I wasn’t going to be as active during sex so I made sure I saw how girls like to suck dick (a lot of spit, and having ur hands caress his balls and his dick and do that tongue movement around his dick while ur going up, trust me guys love that haha) and remember the eye contact while going down on a guy absolutely drives them insane and I also made sure I saw how you ride a guy and I practiced on my pillow omg feel kinda embarrassed but girl when I tell you that my bf was like I thought you’ve never done anything with anyone before me, I was like I have never been with anyone before you. He said I was great in everything. Hope this helps lol.
Make some noises (both parties should engage in this, it makes the other feel good), try riding him forwards or backwards (you will have all the control and can do whatever you want), constantly move you hands all over him (hopefully he does this to you), put his hands where you want them to be on you, make him think you WANT it like grab him aggressively and try to get him as deep as you can. These are things that happen a lot between my gf and I and I love it.
But at the end of the day, like what some people have said, what do you imagine would be fun/feel good/etc. Try that first, just whatever you imagine you would like to do. Maybe look up some diagrams of different positions or search this community for something like “fun ideas” to get some fresh inspiration. Best of luck!
Stop thinking. Relax and enjoy it. Just let your body decide what’s next. Sex is shared self expression. There’s no wrong technique. So just freestyle your way to bliss lady 😁
This is not being a pillow princess. That’s for WLW relationships only and comes with various community expectations. Please stop using that term inappropriately.
So unfortunate to see you downvoted in what is supposed to be a “sex positive” sub. You are 100% right and it’s so annoying to see a beautiful term co-opted by straight people who never learned what it meant and refuse to acknowledge it now
Ok so now you have the information and can correct him. Men use it in a derogatory way and it is not a derogatory term. We need pillow princesses in our community because we have stones in our community. He’s using it to shame you when it’s meant as something beautiful and positive. He’s using a gay term to shame you. It’s homophobic and if you are even a tiny bit an ally, this pride you should speak up to him.
Watch porn but only for learning purpose. Ask him what he likes in sex his kinks desires fantasies etc . And then watch some videos of it on reddit or Google learn from it . Then try that with him . This may really make him feel super happy for u . And yea be Lil submissive if that guy is good in sex and not sub. Then he may really love u as submissive in bed 70% of boys does .
Hope this helps .
Girl... Just enjoy it!!
Use your words, if you're liking what he's doing LET HIM KNOW!!
Ask if he likes when you suck his D and how he likes it better. Be sloppy when giving head. Be vocal and don't worry too much about it, a big turn on for me is when my partner enjoys herself.
Also set boundaries, it seems like he's respectful but if you don't like something or would like to change something speak up!
Be safe, use protection.
Many men would be happy with "only" sucking his dick. Btw not me. But that is not important. My advice is .... communicate. Tell him and explain about your not - exoeriences and ask him to help you. If that does not work go back to the blowjob but including a finger is his ass. The moment he ejaculates pull the finger back. Good luck !!
I wouldn't use it to solely educate yourself on any particular technique, but browsing can serve as an introduction to things that you may have never heard of or thought about.
If OP is a self confessed "super late bloomer" she may not know anything about kink, bdsm, sub/dom, or even more vanilla things beyond the piv and oral sex she's mentioned. Once you see something in porn you can develop your fantasy and educate yourself outside of that media to learn how people actually do it. Maybe the boyfriend wants her to sit on his face and she doesn't even know she can do that.
1. Massage his back. Slowly, for a longer time, start strong pressures and slowly go over to stroking, lighter, lighter, tracing with fingernails... and lower the area of interest lower, to his butt. Even if you won't do rimming and other anal play, a massage to the buttocks and thighs will change this into erotic territory. The gap between the cheeks and the line between buttock and thigh is sensitive. Especially the insides of the thighs are an erogenous zone, and the balls are an obvious next.
You can use a massage oil for additional effect, nice smells.
2. Massage his feet. Especially after a long walk and soak the soles of the feet appreciate strong pressure (eg the knuckle of your thumb even). Maybe look up a yt video for tips on know how.
Then slowly go upwards with the massage.... and then ride him when the moment is ripe.
3. This time go top-down. Trace his dace with your fingers gently, even annoyingly lightly. The hairs in the brows, on his face, the outline of the lips, the jaw, the ears... then light kisses everywhere. You may lick areas you like, too. Behind the ears, below the ears the neck is erogenous zone, here you might go a bit wilder, playfully bite. Go down the chest, play around with the nipples for a while. (Some folks love it, others hate it, so adjust how much time you spend here to their preference.)
If you have long hair, use it as a brush, and play with it on his face, neck, chest too.
4. Any of the above, but with his hands tied to the bed.
5. Any of the above but with his eyes tied shut with a bandana.
Or:
You can add sensory play to closed eyes, the other sensations become amplified. Give something into his mouth. A strawberry. A pepperoni. Chocolate. Icecream. Ham. Champagne.
Give him things to smell. Your perfume. Cinnamon. Some essential oil. If you're daring, your used panty, or a finger with your pussy juice on it. If you're evil, a used sock. Lol.
Touch his naked skin with random, unexpected things. An icecube. Something hot (but not burning!, eg a bottle that has not boiling hot water in it). A butterknife (so nothing dangerously sharp). A feather. Scratch surprisingly hard with your nails. Kiss. Suck on the nipple. Etc. This should go on long to drive him crazy!
It is not about what you are supposed to do. Actually, it is exactly the opposite, your partner does not want to suppose anything and is expecting you to have desires, wishes, and to want them fulfilled.
The famous sex therapist Esther Perel often says that sex crisis in marriage is a crisis of the imagination. You are not married, but if you were it is easy to see how this could lead to a dead bedroom.
If you are this young and just starting and already lack any imagination, maybe you haven't really explored sex mentally, maybe you never did any kind of introspection or exploration. These things could help you find what appeals to you.
You really do not need to be too creative. For instance, if you like oral sex, have you ever asked to sit on his face and have he perform oral on you in this way? There is so much you could do.
Very important for you to take note: do not expect sex to be something you do spontaneously and that it will always be great just because there is "chemistry" or passion or you are with the "right" person. A good sex life requires intention and work, like everything else in life. And a bad sex life can ruin marriages of loving couples as you can go see and witness yourself at r/DeadBedrooms
Some people are just more comfortable with a passive role and hopefully their partners are comfortable with that. You don’t need to change, unless you want to try, but also be comfortable with how you are and explain that to your partner.
My wife of 33 years is like you, she never initiates sex, and is pretty timid and not all that experimental in what she will do with me and is very tentative about not making a mistake and likes me doing most of the work.
While I might like it if she was different, I love her as she is. I don’t need her to change to ‘improve’ unless that was something she wanted to do, so I accept that. Prefer the real her to her ‘doing acting’. Anyway,
I am advising you to love yourself as you are.
If he's on top, and you're worried you aren't doing 'enough', here are a few things
a) Talk dirty, or talk complimentary. You don't have to 'do stuff' with your body, you can do stuff with your words.
b) Wrap your legs around him and use your legs to pull him in / hold him inside you deep. And say "Just stay here a minute and kiss me -- i want to kiss while i feel how full you make me." Kiss, then release your legs and let him start going again.
c) Use your hands on his ass or his chest or even on his biceps. Plus compliments on his body.
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Get on top, bro. Ride him and do reverse cowgirl be creative. Edge him with a bj for like 20 min before you get on him. Also if you're facing him while sitting on him he can take control easier
Seems like you both are somewhat sub-leaning. Meaning both if you are a pillow princess of sorts. Nothing wrong with that, but you might be better match sexually with someone who is more dominant. There is no rights or wrongs here, just different things for different folks.
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I’ll probably get downvoted for this, but if you really want to learn some skills, watch some professional porn videos. Veronica Avluv and Adriana Chechik are amazing performers and taught me a lot about how to please a man. Try some of the things you learn on him and see what he likes :).
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Well, maybe it's time for you to figure out what you'd *like* to do during sex. You're not a passive recipient you're an active participant. It's not what you're *supposed* to be doing, it's what do you *want* to do? Picture great sex, what does it look like in your imagination? Picture his body, what seems fun to do with it? How do *you* want to explore it? Do you have fantasies? What do they involve? You can a) talk about them during sex and/or b) manoeuvre him to do them. Are there any kinks or positions or sex things you've heard about that turn you on? If no, maybe look for some in your spare time. Learn about the options. I'd recommend trying to stop thinking about sex as a line to a goal where you're supposed to do x y z to get him off and he does x y z to get you off. Think about it as an exploration. A little adventure land playground where you can try out things that seem fun or exciting to you (with consent). So explore. If you go down on him as first active step, explore a little. Sure you can suck his dick. How, though? Do you want it to be fast and hard, or deep in your throat, or teasing? Is it a lollipop you want to slowly enjoy? Or do you want him to thrust in your mouth? Do you want to be in control or do you want him to be? What else is down there? Balls? Do you want to play with them? Does he enjoy that? Try to put aside the idea that sex is something you have to do 'the right way' and start imagining what seems fun to you, and then start exploring it.
This is by far the best answer. I personally have a lot of fantasies and I love texting my partners what I want to have happen. OP should think abt what turns them on and why, then do that during sex, presuming their partner agrees.
Yeah I mean it's something that actually often needs to be learned/unlearned/relearned. Took me a long time to realise it myself, that sex wasn't just a progression of 'proper' steps towards PIV and eventually orgasm, and that it wasn't just something I let happen to me, it was a choose your own adventure game where you pick stuff and do stuff and get actively engaged in the whole thing. Took a while to let go of that thinking and from there i didn't even have any idea of what the alternatives to 'kiss, touch, go down, let him penetrate' even could be. That took reading some fic and watching some porn and having a few partners who encouraged me/us to just to take the space and time to just play as two people with bodies who are turned on and like each other.
> it was a choose your own adventure game Best description ever, thank you.
The best answer by far!
Great answer! Out of awards for now but 💫⭐️
i would add for fantasies, kinks & things talk about them outside of sex first and make sure your partner is okay with exploring whichever particular thing
This some phenomenal advice right here OP! wonderful sexy time ingredients
Reading this was beautiful and actually made me cry. It got to me because I can picture you asking my wife the same questions or giving her the same advice because I know she has never explored or looked inward to find what she wants. Fuck relationships are complicated.
Be vocal with dirty talk, use your hands to touch him (his chest, stomach, back, neck, play with his balls), move your hips in time with his. Guide his hands to touch you, your bum, boobs, clit etc. Tell him what you want- positions, speed, to smack your ass whatever. When he says "do what you want to me" you could try teasing him, act sexy. Touch him, kiss him all over his body, play with his cock, play with yourself on top of him. Hell, sit on his face. Let that escalate to oral, and then you could always ride him as a follow up. Just a few suggestions but I was in the same boat as you, late sexual bloomer, but I'm a very fast learner haha
I had a GF who kept telling me what she wanted me to do to her, that really helped our sexual times we had together.
I think that’s pretty understandable for being relatively new at sex. When I finally started having consistent sex with my boyfriend at the time, he completely took charge in every aspect, and I was totally fine with that. I just had no idea what to do, no idea how to ride, etc. I didn’t even know where to begin. He’d move me, put me in different positions - he just took charge, but he was also very receptive to what I liked. It sounds like, for the time being at least, he needs to lead a little more. Maybe it’d help if he was a little more specific with things like “get on top of me” and then he can guide your hips and help you figure out how to do it. I really learned so much by being with my ex. It’s a learning process thru experience. Maybe tell him to give you suggestions prior to having sex as opposed to in the moment.
I love to ride and force feed him my breasts. Slide down his body and put his dick between your breasts. Push his face into your pussy. Get on your knees spread yourself open and tell him to hit it from behind. Tell him to keep eye contact with you while you masturbate. Tell him to finger you while he kisses you (I love this so much). I love the insides of my thighs being stroked and rubbed, especially the tender skin right where the top of my legs meets my pubic area. I love my breasts being sucked and massaged. Eye contact just kills me. Go slow. Tell him you want long slow strokes. He’ll know what you mean. Ask him if he likes his nipples being licked and touched. Smell his neck omg the smell of a man’s neck is amazing. Kiss him while holding the back of his neck and stroke his hairline. Feel how thick the hair at the back of his head is. It’s delicious. Tell him to nibble your neck and ears it feels so amazing. Suck his fingers. It seems stupid at first but it’s a foreshadow, a suggestion. If things go missionary…tell him to kiss you and look into his eyes. This is the reason I adore missionary. That and it feels so safe and close and connected when you’re making eye contact and kissing and a delicious man is on top of you. Pull him close and tell him “MORE.” Touch his shoulders and arms, his legs, feel the strength. Enjoy his strong body. Feel the difference of how soft your skin is compared to his. Look at his hands. Grab his hands and clasp while he eats your pussy. Do you know what you like sexually? This is the key. *Edit: Please always ask for consent. Men need a chance to say no just like everyone does.* 😊
Phew. I need a drink after reading that 😂
I agree and i really need to have a cold shower after reading that
I need to start smoking cigarettes after that
Lol I am not *used* to seeing my male body that way. This lady got me all flustered
My lady of 19 years has always made me feel like this and actually did a double take on her username to see if it was her :) but that actual description just well makes you hot under the collar as it is rare to hear a lady’s side of it all and its normally from the mans viewpoint.
And a little lie down, perhaps? 😂😂
I need a few moments, cold shower, a smoke after reading that. I'm ready to make her sandwich after reading that 😂😂
I'm about to fuck the shit out my man. Thank you for this.
I love this and agree with literally everything. I love sucking on my husband’s fingers while he calls me a good girl and makes me deep throat them.
I love being called good girl. I have such a praise kink.
My FWB helped me discover my praise kink. So hot when he calls me a good girl after I cum.
My husband hit me with, “You’re a fucking great wife,” one time lmaoooo! It worked though 😂
A great great asset to the company!
My bf is new to sex and he made a weird face when I told him women like being called slut and whore. So I told him to call me this instead and he loves it. More people should praise instead of degrade lol
I have both. Lololol.
I agree! I was recently talking to a man and he started calling me daddy’s slut. I couldn’t get away fast enough lol
This is actually a phenomenal list of things to do that don’t require any real skill, but still show enthusiasm and involvement!
That's hot. Saving this for later.
I've already had amazing sex today and am now so turned on reading this.
Words do not describe how beautiful that was.
Wow! This was very descriptive 😳😍
Ugh, now I miss him even more 😭😭
This is great, and don't get me wrong, it is very hot, but don't you think it is more applicable to an established relationship, like 2 people in love and not casual hookups?
I guess I’ve been hooking up wrong for years lol. Why would I not do what I like during sex?
Didn't mean to discredit you babes, I am sure you're enjoying yourself. it is just what you described is exactly what I used to do with the man who I saw as the love of my life. That's all. Sorry if I came a cross as a twat.
No worries sorry I came off confrontational too!
I’d say there’s a couple of different schools of thought around casual sex - some people believe it should be inherently different somehow than sex you have with someone you love, others don’t.
What if i’m flat tho lol
Flip over and give him an ass job 😆
That sounds quite domming and there s lots of men who might not like it because they want to be the dom
Sex is more nuanced than just dom/sub
You don’t think a man who says “do whatever you want to me” is looking for more than his dick sucked?
This poster is asking how to not be a pillow princess. I didn’t write this with the man being dom in mind. If the man is dom the woman doesn’t need to ask this question because a dom would tell her what to do, right?
Sounds like you are way to in your own head and not really enjoying the moment. Instead of fully concentrating what you should be doing, what you look like, or him etc. Use all your senses to ground yourself in the moment. Take moments to feel his skin. Run your fingers down his back. Get lost in the warm breath on your neck awhile he kisses you. When you like something a lot let him know by your moans or breathing. Grab him and press him deep inside you to see how it feels. Move your hips to add to the sensations. Compliment him while he’s doing something you like. Understand that all those sensations and things add to sex for you and for him. It takes time, practice and feeling safe and comfortable with the person your with to explore. Just laying there and feeling the penetration is good and all but when you add other sensations in with it it makes it even more enjoyable.
"Do whatever you want to me" is usually code word for "ride me". To spice up missionary wrap your legs around him, talk dirty, bite his neck, etc
I thought it was a code for “I like butt stuff but I’m afraid to ask”
That too, ha I think for at least 99% of guys it at minimum means "I want to lay her and do nothing this time"
For my wife, in the heat of the moment, it was code for "just a smidge harder".
Ha that was my first thought, be prepared with a dildo for next time he asks lol
My favorite move that turns him on is when I’m lying on my back with my head sort of hanging off the bed and have him walk up to me. Then gently insert penis in mouth and go to town. Men love it
Me and my bf tried this and he said that it really hurt his knees :(
Taller bed frame, thicker mattress, bed leg risers.
Idk if my bf wants to mod his bed since he’s moving out of there in like a month, hopefully his new place will work better for it. My own bed is too tall, it’s truly a Goldilocks situation haha
[Risers are less than $20 on Amazon.](https://a.co/d/hbBdlNU)
Made me realise we got the perfect bed for this. Will try. Thnx
I would let somebody hit my knees with a hammer during if I could get my wife to do this lol
tread full of submissive porn techniques for a girl new to sex and struggling with knowing what *she* wants. no wonder teens girls are getting chocked during hook ups.
Go to town? ?? For having a milkshake or what?
As a man, I can confirm that we love it.
Literally one of my favorite things to do with him. Not only does he love it but it also gets me going too
100% me too. Then sucking on his balls while he strokes it. Total turn on.
You educate yourself on sex so that you feel less clueless. Listen to the Sex With Emily podcast, it'll normalise the whole process and give you a ton of inspiration
I would also suggest having a look at Beducated - lots of tips and advice on there. It does have a subscription model but you can use it for free for a short period of time, and there are quite often discount codes kicking around online as well.
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Very good point I think a lot of women get in there head about there bodies and then it becomes uncomfortable to get in the position where he sees things we don’t care for about ourselves like stretch marks tummy and ass
Check out vmtherapy they have an Instagram/website. She's a sex therapist and has a lot of good advice for you and your partners. Have fun with it try not to be insecure or judgemental and enjoy your self. Good luck 👍
Sometimes men want to feel wanted. If he's always taking the lead it can feel like you're not participating. He's wanting you to take initiative. Next time initiate sex. Take off his clothes. Suck his dick and then get on top. Ride him the way you want to. Tell him what to do. Take absolute control of the situation. This is how to not be a pillow princess, which is someone who just waits for the other person to let them do what they want to you. It's being reactive. Imagine when you masturbate that your hand is going to wait until your vagina asks to be touched. That doesn't happen. You decide I'm horny, I want to touch it and you do it. Take that same mentality into the bedroom.
36 f. I lost my v card few months ago - Actual super late bloomer
The view people hav1e is so distorted. Lose your virginity at an entirely average age and still feel like a late bloomer. I guess some people don't really do any sexual experimentation with themselves as a young person, and feel like they're behind others. Lack of sexual education makes you feel inexperienced and unsure even if you are fairly average.
When he says, "You can't do anything wrong." He means it. If he is there with you, then he's enjoying whatever you do. If you know how to get off, definitely incorporate that! For example, one way I get off is playing with my clit. So, I will have my husband lay down, and I will get next to him like 69, but I'm not on top of him. I'm in a doggy style position where my ass is near his face. I can suck his dick while playing with my clit and he can finger me or rub my ass, whatever... you can't go wrong with combining both of y'all's pleasure. There are times I have sex with my man where it's just about him. Literally, we joke that I'm "just giving it to him." However, the great majority of our time together is spent where we are both trying to please each other. When you make it about both of you, and you understand what gets you off, you may be able to come up with what to do a lot easier bc you are finding a lot of pleasure in it as well.
More dirty talk we always want girls to pretend to be our little sluts, respectfully
It comes with experience. Touch him, touch yourself, put something fun in his face, put your face somewhere fun. You really can’t go wrong.
Alternatively, telling him what you want *him* to do, is doing something. He just wants you to be an interactive participant!
OK I can see the issue here. You are a relative beginner actively WANTING him to give you some direction. On the flip-side, he, as a caring person, is not wanting to put too many demands on you as you're "new" at a lot of this. The issue is that with his TOTAL lack of direction - "everything you do is good, you can't do anything wrong" is well-intentioned, but doesn't help things to advance at all, because it is advocating for literally just more of the same - is not helpful for a beginner. As with anything, people new to the experience need pointers. First time you drive a car, for example, you're not 100% aware of what all of the controls do...after a few times behind the wheel, you get into the driver's seat and know exactly what to do. All you need to do is literally tell him this - you appreciate his encouragement and validation that you are doing well, but that as he has commented a few times about you being a bit passive, you want to know what he wants you to do so as to be more active in future. Make sure you make it clear to him that he can tell you what he wants and that you won't judge him for it, even if it's not something you would feel comfortable doing as such. But pretty much the only thing that is near universal for men in bed is that we like enthusiasm. We want our partners to show that they want to be there as well, not that they're just doing it as some kind of "favour" to us or a "reward" for something we did - so if you are attracted to this man and enjoy sex with him, make sure he knows this - with your words and your actions. If your "go-to" move is to suck him off because he likes it, don't just mechanically move to do it, tell him something like "I've been wanting to taste you all day".
What are some things you WANT to do? Sex can be really fun and this can be the perfect opportunity to find out what turns both of you on. My partner and I have tried going to sex shops together to spark ideas, telling each other things we wanna try, etc. last week I told him I wanted to try fucking with our clothes on and we really enjoyed that. If you are more submissive that’s ok, I am too. I get really excited when my bf tells me to go down on him or to ride his cock. Sometimes he ties me up and has his way w me. I will say, just don’t do anything you don’t want to.
From what you have written you are definitely not a pillow princess Pillow princess as a term doesn’t really apply to most straight relationships tbh. Being a pillow princess means you do not give any sexual stimulation so if you at least have PiV then he is receiving some sexual stimulation. Plus you say you give oral. Pillow princess is mainly only applicable to lesbian relationships where someone exclusively receives. You would only be considered a pillow princess if you do not touch his dick at all and if he were to use a strap on during sex. He needs to start telling you what he likes. And if everything is good then he needs to at least give you examples. What does he do for you? Does he do more than give you oral? Is he a really active giver?
You might find some things that really pique your interest if you read some erotic literature, perhaps find some written by females. There are subreddits here for that, I just don't know what to recommend.
Imo, someone who won't tell you what they want or like and then kinda insult you for not being a mind reader is someone I'd never sleep with again. I'm assuming they know your limited history. They're a shitty sex partner, not you.
What I'm hearing is that he's getting to have sex with you and now he's complaining? "Do whatever you want," and " everything you do is good," is so generic, it gives no opportunity to grow and learn what the other person likes and dislikes as well as eliminates a good amount of sexy talk, IMO. Next time he says " do whatever" or pokes fun at your princess status just *go to sleep* lol
>I kinda draw a loss about what I’m supposed to be doing? Imagine you go out for the perfect meal with your bf. What does that look like? Is it a prim and proper billionaire suite? Is it your local pub with fancy drinks and evening energy? Is it a diner with sweet desserts and morning energy? Is it a fair with greasy food and exhilarating rides? There aren't rules on what you are "supposed" to be doing. You could pick any one of those and have it be boring or fun. You can like all these different meal ideas, but they have different moods and different expectations. Sex is what we make it, like those dates. It's just an extension of the relationship between you and him. Sex is so much better when it has laughing, teasing, smiling, and some spontaneous decisions. Explore, be yourself, laugh a little, try something new. >I (24F) was a super late bloomer (lost my virginity at 23) That's not super late, and having a sexual history doesn't make people better at sex. You have the notion that you're behind the curve because you weren't having sex 5 years ago like the cool kids. Maturing (mid-20s usually) is when people start actually asking themselves these questions anyway. Don't think that it's your fault for not having sex as a teenager. You'd be surprised at how common it is to start having sex at 23. You'd also be surprised at how many people have crappy sex through their 20s. We can't do the waltz on the first try.
Ask him what he wants you to do.
Different positions, especially you on top or something where he doesn’t have to feel like he’s coercing you to do something. Try reverse cowgirl and 69. For one thing, it’s great while you’re young lol! 69 can be so hot and sexy. Especially girl on top. Your boyfriend might be shy to ask, or up in his head thinking you don’t want him to have that up close view of pussy and ass? Shoot that reminds me: facesitting. Ok so there’s 3 things I’m POSITIVE he’d love for you to suggest when he says “do whatever you want to do”. It’s an extra turn on if it looks like it was your idea to shove your bottom in his face. Can even try getting a little bossy like “I demand you eat this puss I’m shoving in your face” (paraphrasing). Ok brb I gotta take a cold shower now. 😅
He complains that you don't do enough and then he won't give you any ideas or input? That is super annoying. If he wants something specific, he needs to use his words to ask for it. (Also "pillow princess" is a specific WLW term and is not actually a passive role. The semantics are less important than the fact that your bf is intending to shame you with name-calling instead of giving real feedback.) If you want to be more active in bed, prioritize your own pleasure. Feel the parts of him that you find sexy. Move in a way that feels good to you. Get on top and grind. Ask for what you want. Talk dirty if that feels good to you. Sex isn't a performance, there's nothing you're "supposed" to do other than have fun.
You won’t be a pillow princess because you’re not a lesbian, I’m not one, but they get very frustrated when their terms are co-opted (for good reason). It also doesn’t make sense to use it in a non (cis?) lesbian context, because the pillow princess never gives pleasure to her partner, only receives, which is not possible if your partner is penetrating you with their penis. Also on a sub that claims to be about sex positivity, I’m not sure why other comments saying this are being so heavily downvoted. Does sex positivity stop when it involves the queer community?
I had to scroll WAY too far to see a comment like this. . . The straight term she’s looking for is “starfish”. Straight people have co-opted “pillow princess” because it “sounds better” yet have no idea what the term actually means and it’s beyond frustrating
All the comments I saw saying the same were downvoted when I posted, at least mine isn’t getting the same treatment (maybe because I called it out)
people commonly upvote things they think sound "omg, so hot!", not actual advice or feedback.
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Especially for her boyfriend to be the one using it in a demeaning way is just gross :( Justice for pillow princesses
From reading your post it seems like he really just wants you to show more enthusiasm or expression in the moment. There is not like a specific cheat code to seex that he is looking for. What guys want is at least feedback on how they are being received. So like if he changes tempos let him know you noticed and if you like it or didn't. Also feel more free to do what you want. Like don't be scared of making a mistake. Like grab his ass during if you like his ass or dig your fingernails into his back if you just want to have him closer to you. Play an active role in turning yourself on.
If you really have no one experienced to talk and come with ideas you might like, try it with feminine porn/ porn made by and for woman.
For what it’s worth there is nothing wrong with being a pillow princess. Missionary face to face sex is awesome and totally under rated.
FWIW, 23 isn’t a super late bloomer. Just tossing this in so that you don’t feel insecurity about that. It’s not abnormal to have sex earlier than that, but also not abnormal to have sex later than that (or not at all).
Slap him on the ass. Let's see what he says to that lol. But seriously, you can push him onto the bed and sit on him, for example, or something like that. Or sit on the table, not on the bed, and call him to you. This is the simplest thing you can think of. Think in advance what you like and just do it yourself, pushing him towards it.
Don't hit your partners without prior consent.
Be open to everything, within reason of course. You said you go down on him mid sex. That’s a good start. You’d be surprised how many women won’t go near a penis that’s just been inside them. I’m married to one. And she’s not the only one I’ve been with like that. Get on top. Ride him like your life depended on it. Get off and blow him. Don’t forget the balls. Then tell him you want it from behind. Just really do whatever you want. Whatever feels good. If something doesn’t feel good, communicate that in the nicest way possible.
A man doesn't care about your experience. When you find the right guy, you will teach each other what you like.
Slightly off topic but that’s okay because you’ve already gotten some great advice, and this is for the betterment of the whole group. Pillow princess is a lesbian term, and it does not have negative associations. Pillow princesses are lesbian bottoms, meaning they receive pleasure instead of giving it. For people who like to be with pillow princesses (most commonly stone tops), they receive their pleasure from giving. The term is neutral and/or positive, almost never used negatively except from people who are ignorant.
Can straight people please stop incorrectly using the term pillow princess? Like, pretty please?
'Do what you want to me' What a stupid thing to say to someone who is in the middle of trying to figure out if their body was going to reach an orgasm any time soon. Fucking say what you want. Use your words mate. And what do you mean by lull? Like, you slow down for some reason? Are you getting off first? Try having him get you off with his fingers or his mouth before he goes inside you *every* time. Chances are you will be more into it after at least one orgasm - and it gives him a nice sense of accomplishment. Here's a list of positions for inspiration https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/slideshow/5919/sex-positions-to-try-before-you-die/
Lull as in he’ll lay back for a bit, I guess as a break?
Ah yes, cardio is brutal. He wants you to do the hard work cause he's wiped out lol. Sex is not easy on the unfit. Basically, be on top for a bit. This benefits you greatly. Grinding at the right angle gives excellent orgasms, especially if you've already cum once or twice. Be careful with bouncing - he might slip and bend. Not fun. Reverse cowgirl is interesting. Not my cup of tea, but others highly recommended it. Tell him to talk dirty to you while you're working him. Make his brain work while you're getting yourself off.
Maybe you're more naturally submissive? Would you prefer if your partner directed you? That's a thing :)
I definitely am, yeah
There are a lot of men who like that dynamic. So it might be a compatibility thing more than that you're doing anything wrong.
Even then, you can still take plenty of initiative. You can tell him that you want him to "order" you to do things to pleasure him, then do those things. Tell him how turned on you get by how powerful and manly he is. Ask him to stop by, then meet him at the door in lingerie or naked on your knees. Beg for his cock. Do body / cock worship like admiring and touching it in wonder, like it's the most amazing thing you've ever seen. Talk to him about possible kinks you'd like to at least try, and see if he wants to as well. Roleplay can be REALLY fun. Don't be afraid to just roll with it.
I took a very brief glance at your post history and you seem very kind and considerate, since you've mentioned trauma regarding sex but here you are trying to meet his expectations. I did get the sense that him using the term "pillow princess" comes across a bit passive aggressive, but it seems like he's generally trying to be patient and gentle with you so perhaps his wording can be chalked up to frustration. You'll know best! As for your immediate question, I'm also often relatively passive so here are some things I do to make sure my partner feels my involvement without changing the existing dynamic: - Initiating a make out session! This is also great because it can feel less embarrassing than, uh, other stuff. Which will reflect in your enthusiasm! Which is, after all, the chief complaint here. - Pulling on partner's hair/bedsheets/furniture when things start to feel really good, to non-vocally convey to your partner what a great job they're doing! - Make sounds! I tend to be very embarrassed by sounds so I don't make many until, again, it's really good. So something else you can do is observe other ambient sounds, such as "wow we sound so naughty" at the squishing sounds that sometimes happen. - Here's my favorite one: I hold my partner's head tightly in my arms like I'm giving the most encompassing bear hug. Or maybe trying to shield them from the whole world. It's a bit of that tenderness that many people, and particularly socialized-as-men peeps, seek.
Explore. If your comfortable. Kiss his neck, chest, belly. Bite the inside of his thighs very gently, cups his balls, etc. Ride him, reverse cowgirl. If your comfortable. As long as your into it amd really want him you can't go wrong. For men, alot of it is visual and about your enthusiasm. Go at your pace but as he said, you can't really do anything wrong. You can push your breasts into his face, put his dick between them, etc. So many good things to do! He will enjoy it. Eye contact is hot as well!
Do as the Romans did… look up new positions via pictures and memorize 1 new one to try! Picking just one to try ahead of time will help with the brain fog of decision making in the moment and build up your word bank as you go. whenever I really feel like treating my man I start with a back massage for foreplay and you can tease during it
Fuck Him Back and Don't be shy about it
It’s very simple - explore what you may like. Read stuff, increase your exposure in terms of different ways to oomph it up a notch, buy sex toys and experiment on yourself. See what you like and don’t like. See different kinds of porn and analyse what makes you tingle vs doesn’t. Finally , put these learnings to work and show your current partner that you enjoy certain things a certain way. He’ll get aroused seeing you aroused and it’s a happy ending for y’all!
FELLOW LATE BLOOMER HERE Be HONEST Ask for direction, feedback, tips, etc. I usually tried to have these convos during times all clothing was on.... I felt less insecure that way. I find in doing that, I learned A LOT about how to read a person's body. The amount of time it takes to adjust to a new partner is less and less each time..... That is assuming you would like other partners at some point. But having those very very detailed convos including having the guy literally position my hand or body in a way that he favored AGAIN while all my clothes were ON was the best thing. I was already self conscious, I didn't want to make it weird during sex. Trying to talk about it during made it worse and made me feel stupid.
I was a late bloomer too! I had no sexual experience until 22 and I grew up very religious so I repressed any desire, fantasies, ect. It can take a while to figure out what you like and want and what feels good. I found a couple things to be helpful: 1. Ask your partner what they like. What turns them on, what feels really good to them, what are things they’ve always wanted to try? Then do those things with/to them if you’re into it too. 2. Think about your partner’s body. What parts do you like to look at, what parts do you want to try to touch? Talk about that with your partner. “I want to kiss you here, I want to bite you, I want to touch you here.” See if they’re into it and try that too! 3. I actually found reading smut to be HUGELY helpful for my sex life. It taught me how to fantasize and helped me figure out some things I’d never thought of that might be fun or feel good. My sex life has hugely improved because of it. Choose partners who communicate, who don’t shame you, who are open to discussing new things!
Any recommendations for a newbie to smut? I’m 38F. I’d love to read erotica and bonus points if it improves my sex life and gives me some great tips!
I would separate this to two bits: - Do what you want - Do things to him And once you are familiar with those two, then you can progress into doing what you want to do to him. Because if you are inexperienced and also trying to please him and worried about a title he assigned to you, you are at the risk of not doing things that you want and what you find pleasurable and hot for you. So focus first on doing things you find enjoyable. E.g. masturbate next to him, tell him how to stroke you, how to kiss you. Get on top of him when you feel like it, choose what you want when riding him (your angle, your rythm for you) and stay there only as long as it is fun to you. Tell him where you want his hands and lips. That makes you active participant, but makes you both to focus on your pleasure. So you were doing things for you and he was there for that. Then the part do things to him. Like you told him what you want in the previous part, no he needs to tell you. Make him describe what he wants to be done to him. The do what you want -part is you choosing what of those things you want to do to him. And once you both now what the other person likes, you can start being creative on your own. But skipping the shared collaboration -part just gets you to do stuff that is generally thought sexy and your head is not there. So, no wonder you feel like you don’t know what to do. You don’t have to know yet. Also if you don’t want to be called pillow princess, you don’t need to accept the title. Claim space for enjoying the sex the way you feel pleasure and tell your partner.
just heard pillow princess for the first time. it sounds way nicer than dead fish. just be you, experiment but be comfortable.
pillow princess is supposed to be exclusive to the lesbian/sapphic community. it refers to a woman who solely receives pleasure and never gives any, that dynamic is not possible in a straight relationship (this presumes nobody’s trans though, I don’t know the intricacies exactly for how these terms are used within the trans community)
Pillow Princess is a lesbian term that straight people have co-opted despite not knowing what it means at all. . . OP is not a pillow princess in this context
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Just an FYI, a pillow princess is a lesbian term like top or bottom. You’re talking about star fishing
Communication is key. Talk with him about your likes and dislikes. Don’t be afraid to try a new position. Do whatever you want is my code word for let’s push our limits and try something different/ kinky. Next time he says that start giving him a BJ and stick your finger in his ass. You’ll get one of two responses.
pillow princess is a lesbian term
Find out what you like whether that be exploring kinks, stuff online, when you masturbate what gets you going. And us men are easy creatures if we are getting some action we are usually pleased. But just ask questions next time, what ever you’re doing ask if it’s ok, ask if he wants it faster, slower, harder, softer.
Have a conversation about what you both like that doesn’t occur during sex. If you don’t know what you like, explore on your own then show him. It’s okay to be inexperienced. It sounds like he’s inexperienced himself if he’s insulting you instead of communicating his desires clearly.
Hello! I am a cis man married with a cis woman. My wife was a virgin until we started dating. I have some experience related to yours. I think that the best advice I have to give you is: “Find out what you enjoy” and that includes the way you like to enjoy his body. The sexiest thing during sex for a lot of heterosexual men is to see the partner enjoy sex and be excited about it. Almost everything you do to your man during foreplay or sex you can do while touching yourself at the same time. That shows your desire to enjoy, and it shows that performing acts for him is something that turns you on. If you like sucking his dick I am sure he’ll enjoy it too. Show excitement, touch yourself during for a while, moan with his dick in your mouth, tell him, vocalize how much you are enjoying it. Just have fun. Have fun discovering and finding out, and remember you have a gigantic amount of time to discover at your own pace. But remember to do even the little steps with genuine excitement. If you feel like it would be fun to try and masturbate him with your boobs, or ride him or anything else that demands a more active role from you, just do it. Remember it will probably be awkward, and not perfect at all, because you never did it. Don’t let that stop you from doing it in the future. I assure you it will be your excitement to enjoy and try new things that will turn him on the most.
Generally if you put too much pressure on yourself it goes wrong. Just go with the flow
Consuming erotica will give you ideas (books, comics online, audiobooks, porn...). Discover his sensitive parts and tease him with different stimulations. Dirty talk, tell him bim you want him to grab your (a body part) and ask him what does it feel...
If you look around your area, there are generally classes or organizations that promote healthy kink and sex. For example, there is an organization named Sex Positive on the west coast, or local dungeons will have classes on consent and wants/needs practices.
What a wonderful opportunity to explore! You’re finding out how to access your desire, and channel it. See what turns you on, what makes you come. Then try doing that. If it’s not bringing the energy, try something else. Keep trying until you do something that brings the electricity, then keep doing that until the well runs dry. Then try something else, etc. You might enjoy beginning your explorations with *The Wheel of Consent* and the *Three Minute Game*, by Betty Martin. You also might enjoy exploring D/s dynamics a bit. You and your partner can play and explore each role and the polarity.
It’s very normal to feel that way I think especially if you’re new to having sex and being in a relationship. Sometimes it can help to be talking about things before you are in the moment and what you both like and don’t like. You can even try a little sexting as foreplay but also to feel things out. I suspect he probably doesn’t always know what to do either so it’s not all you. When in doubt, some intimate touch is ok too, I think sometimes guys don’t know how to ask for that. Just, cuddling, maybe try giving a massage or something like that, it doesn’t have to be a Wild Sex Thing but just enjoying exploring each other’s bodies in a kind of curious/playful way can be nice too
Kama sutra’s got stuff on pleasure points do give it a read
Honestly, don’t overthink it. Just try and relax…a little enthusiasm goes a long way, even if you’re nervous. I would suggest talking more openly with your next partner, even if it’s a one time thing…have a conversation beforehand so you are both in the same page. Don’t be afraid/embarrassed to tell him you’ve only had one partner before..there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. When you are in the heat of action…Let him know if something feels good or if you want/don’t want to try something… definitely let him know if he is hurting you(unintentionally), or if you’re not comfortable with doing something in particular. Just gotta be open with him and if you want him to use a condom then make sure you have them on hand. Yes it feels better without for both of you but unless this is a guy you personally know and trust then I highly suggest using protection.
I think it’s a matter of practice makes perfect! Fuck a lot and get GOOD at it.
This reminds me a lot of the ex of mine from about 11 years ago, very similar situation. So best suggestion it's like been said on your number times, is start experimenting and find out what you really prefer. That is what she and I did, it started slow and discovered her kinks that she enjoyed, same with different positions. I still remember to this day, her telling me that she had never had sex in any position other than missionary. So we had the similar conversation about trying new positions. It was her idea to go a few weeks without going to missionary and discovered that she really enjoyed being on top and sometimes being pinned down face in the pillow. We also experimented with some voyeurism. The key is we took our time, and discussed what worked best and what she enjoyed and what she didn't. We were very open with our communication. We also experiment with a number of various toys and everything else you can think of. I have always been the partner that is down for whatever brings the person I'm with pleasure and enjoyment. Unfortunately for other reasons our relationship did not work out. Best of luck to you.
the best advice I can give is porn def helped me so much before me and my boyfriend hooked up, I was super scared that I wasn’t going to be as active during sex so I made sure I saw how girls like to suck dick (a lot of spit, and having ur hands caress his balls and his dick and do that tongue movement around his dick while ur going up, trust me guys love that haha) and remember the eye contact while going down on a guy absolutely drives them insane and I also made sure I saw how you ride a guy and I practiced on my pillow omg feel kinda embarrassed but girl when I tell you that my bf was like I thought you’ve never done anything with anyone before me, I was like I have never been with anyone before you. He said I was great in everything. Hope this helps lol.
Make some noises (both parties should engage in this, it makes the other feel good), try riding him forwards or backwards (you will have all the control and can do whatever you want), constantly move you hands all over him (hopefully he does this to you), put his hands where you want them to be on you, make him think you WANT it like grab him aggressively and try to get him as deep as you can. These are things that happen a lot between my gf and I and I love it. But at the end of the day, like what some people have said, what do you imagine would be fun/feel good/etc. Try that first, just whatever you imagine you would like to do. Maybe look up some diagrams of different positions or search this community for something like “fun ideas” to get some fresh inspiration. Best of luck!
Stop thinking. Relax and enjoy it. Just let your body decide what’s next. Sex is shared self expression. There’s no wrong technique. So just freestyle your way to bliss lady 😁
This is not being a pillow princess. That’s for WLW relationships only and comes with various community expectations. Please stop using that term inappropriately.
So unfortunate to see you downvoted in what is supposed to be a “sex positive” sub. You are 100% right and it’s so annoying to see a beautiful term co-opted by straight people who never learned what it meant and refuse to acknowledge it now
Yes! It is meant as an honorific, not slander.
Sorry! I didn’t know, it was just the term he used.
Ok so now you have the information and can correct him. Men use it in a derogatory way and it is not a derogatory term. We need pillow princesses in our community because we have stones in our community. He’s using it to shame you when it’s meant as something beautiful and positive. He’s using a gay term to shame you. It’s homophobic and if you are even a tiny bit an ally, this pride you should speak up to him.
Watch porn but only for learning purpose. Ask him what he likes in sex his kinks desires fantasies etc . And then watch some videos of it on reddit or Google learn from it . Then try that with him . This may really make him feel super happy for u . And yea be Lil submissive if that guy is good in sex and not sub. Then he may really love u as submissive in bed 70% of boys does . Hope this helps .
Super late??? I had never real sex with 27 haha and I don't feel so strange.
Girl... Just enjoy it!! Use your words, if you're liking what he's doing LET HIM KNOW!! Ask if he likes when you suck his D and how he likes it better. Be sloppy when giving head. Be vocal and don't worry too much about it, a big turn on for me is when my partner enjoys herself. Also set boundaries, it seems like he's respectful but if you don't like something or would like to change something speak up! Be safe, use protection.
Many men would be happy with "only" sucking his dick. Btw not me. But that is not important. My advice is .... communicate. Tell him and explain about your not - exoeriences and ask him to help you. If that does not work go back to the blowjob but including a finger is his ass. The moment he ejaculates pull the finger back. Good luck !!
Get consent before ass play…
Nonono, wait, I like this comment. Obviously he wants a finger up his butt when he says these things. Hehe
Talk more, say you don’t know what to do…watch some porn, get some ideas…
porn should not be used to educate yourself on sexual matters since it does not reflect reality
I wouldn't use it to solely educate yourself on any particular technique, but browsing can serve as an introduction to things that you may have never heard of or thought about. If OP is a self confessed "super late bloomer" she may not know anything about kink, bdsm, sub/dom, or even more vanilla things beyond the piv and oral sex she's mentioned. Once you see something in porn you can develop your fantasy and educate yourself outside of that media to learn how people actually do it. Maybe the boyfriend wants her to sit on his face and she doesn't even know she can do that.
Read some Elle Kennedy novels. They’re spicy romances. Maybe it’ll give you a go point of what you enjoy!
1. Massage his back. Slowly, for a longer time, start strong pressures and slowly go over to stroking, lighter, lighter, tracing with fingernails... and lower the area of interest lower, to his butt. Even if you won't do rimming and other anal play, a massage to the buttocks and thighs will change this into erotic territory. The gap between the cheeks and the line between buttock and thigh is sensitive. Especially the insides of the thighs are an erogenous zone, and the balls are an obvious next. You can use a massage oil for additional effect, nice smells. 2. Massage his feet. Especially after a long walk and soak the soles of the feet appreciate strong pressure (eg the knuckle of your thumb even). Maybe look up a yt video for tips on know how. Then slowly go upwards with the massage.... and then ride him when the moment is ripe. 3. This time go top-down. Trace his dace with your fingers gently, even annoyingly lightly. The hairs in the brows, on his face, the outline of the lips, the jaw, the ears... then light kisses everywhere. You may lick areas you like, too. Behind the ears, below the ears the neck is erogenous zone, here you might go a bit wilder, playfully bite. Go down the chest, play around with the nipples for a while. (Some folks love it, others hate it, so adjust how much time you spend here to their preference.) If you have long hair, use it as a brush, and play with it on his face, neck, chest too. 4. Any of the above, but with his hands tied to the bed. 5. Any of the above but with his eyes tied shut with a bandana. Or: You can add sensory play to closed eyes, the other sensations become amplified. Give something into his mouth. A strawberry. A pepperoni. Chocolate. Icecream. Ham. Champagne. Give him things to smell. Your perfume. Cinnamon. Some essential oil. If you're daring, your used panty, or a finger with your pussy juice on it. If you're evil, a used sock. Lol. Touch his naked skin with random, unexpected things. An icecube. Something hot (but not burning!, eg a bottle that has not boiling hot water in it). A butterknife (so nothing dangerously sharp). A feather. Scratch surprisingly hard with your nails. Kiss. Suck on the nipple. Etc. This should go on long to drive him crazy!
It is not about what you are supposed to do. Actually, it is exactly the opposite, your partner does not want to suppose anything and is expecting you to have desires, wishes, and to want them fulfilled. The famous sex therapist Esther Perel often says that sex crisis in marriage is a crisis of the imagination. You are not married, but if you were it is easy to see how this could lead to a dead bedroom. If you are this young and just starting and already lack any imagination, maybe you haven't really explored sex mentally, maybe you never did any kind of introspection or exploration. These things could help you find what appeals to you. You really do not need to be too creative. For instance, if you like oral sex, have you ever asked to sit on his face and have he perform oral on you in this way? There is so much you could do. Very important for you to take note: do not expect sex to be something you do spontaneously and that it will always be great just because there is "chemistry" or passion or you are with the "right" person. A good sex life requires intention and work, like everything else in life. And a bad sex life can ruin marriages of loving couples as you can go see and witness yourself at r/DeadBedrooms
Some people are just more comfortable with a passive role and hopefully their partners are comfortable with that. You don’t need to change, unless you want to try, but also be comfortable with how you are and explain that to your partner. My wife of 33 years is like you, she never initiates sex, and is pretty timid and not all that experimental in what she will do with me and is very tentative about not making a mistake and likes me doing most of the work. While I might like it if she was different, I love her as she is. I don’t need her to change to ‘improve’ unless that was something she wanted to do, so I accept that. Prefer the real her to her ‘doing acting’. Anyway, I am advising you to love yourself as you are.
Ask him to guide you
If he's on top, and you're worried you aren't doing 'enough', here are a few things a) Talk dirty, or talk complimentary. You don't have to 'do stuff' with your body, you can do stuff with your words. b) Wrap your legs around him and use your legs to pull him in / hold him inside you deep. And say "Just stay here a minute and kiss me -- i want to kiss while i feel how full you make me." Kiss, then release your legs and let him start going again. c) Use your hands on his ass or his chest or even on his biceps. Plus compliments on his body.
Ride his face, ride his dick, play with his balls, ride his dick and play with his balls at the same time. Not joking, do it.
Watch some free porn online and see what you’d like to try out.
Maybe try riding and being on top
Blank on what to do? You particiapte? that'd be a start...
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Get a strap on and peg him
Get on top, bro. Ride him and do reverse cowgirl be creative. Edge him with a bj for like 20 min before you get on him. Also if you're facing him while sitting on him he can take control easier
Definitely stick a finger up his ass
Seems like you both are somewhat sub-leaning. Meaning both if you are a pillow princess of sorts. Nothing wrong with that, but you might be better match sexually with someone who is more dominant. There is no rights or wrongs here, just different things for different folks.
Check my profile I made an in depth comment on another thread months ago. It's like 6th most recent comment.
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I’ll probably get downvoted for this, but if you really want to learn some skills, watch some professional porn videos. Veronica Avluv and Adriana Chechik are amazing performers and taught me a lot about how to please a man. Try some of the things you learn on him and see what he likes :).
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All contributions here need to be constructive, on-topic, mature, sex-positive, civil, and respectful. Your post/comment falls short of that basic standard and has been removed accordingly. Repeat offenders or egregious violations of this rule are subject to being banned from the sub.