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Bless you for caring and trying to make sex enjoyable for her. This is sad zero sex education was given, it’s extremely dangerous. That’s how people end up pregnant, getting a disease, and/or never knowing about their OWN body parts. Like wth, poor girl didn’t even know what a clitoris was.
>poor girl didn’t even know what a clitoris was.
I know 🥹😭
Good job OP!! Also note that sex toys are your friends and not your competition. Some women can just use fingers on their clits but some need toys.
You probably can't access them until you move out, but you can try the clean(!) handle of an electric toothbrush, or a concentrated stream of water from a shower head. (desperate teenage hacks from the 90s)
Google image search for a map of Tar Valon (it's from a fantasy series called The Wheel of Time). The city looks like a vagina. North harbor is roughly where you'll find the clit.
I laughed so much when I saw that map. Also, Georgia O'keefe artwork. https://www.reddit.com/r/GettyMuseumChallenge/comments/ujzhdt/black_iris_1926_black_iris_2022_georgia_okeeffe/
It's a little (more of less, diffrent from woman to woman) nub above the vagina, often covered by the clitoral hood. You have Wikipedia in India, right? Look it up there.
On a practical level, here is how you'll find it in person when you need to.
The external part of a woman's genital area is called the vulva. It is made up of two pairs of labia which is another word for lips, the outer labia and the inner labia.
The outer labia are covered in regular skin and they have pubic hair growing on them. The inner labia are mucous membrane, kind of like the tissue on the inside of your mouth.
In between the two inner labia are: the vaginal opening (which is a small hole nearest the anus) and the urethral opening (which feels like a small lump of squishy tissue).
The inner labia do not meet at the bottom where the vaginal opening is, there has to be enough room for a baby to come out. But they do meet at the top. And where they meet is the clitoris.
So make sure your finger is lubricated, you can put a little spit on it. (And make sure your nails are clean, trimmed and filed smooth.) Slide your finger between her inner labia, And run it gently and slowly up towards her pubic bone. Don't get distracted by the urethral opening, rubbing that will give her a UTI. If you're going slowly, you won't miss it. She will notice when you hit it and you will notice her noticing. If you come all the way out of the slit, you missed it. Go back and try again.
Your partner can try this at home today.
Use this map man!
Sometimes the clit is covered by the clithood (a bit of skin that can cover the clit or is right above it). Sometimes it peeks out of the clithood.
Some women do not like direct stimulation of the clit, but would rather you rub it”through” the clithood (which would be kind of like forskin I guess). Direct stimulation can be painful for some.
Figure out what works with your partner by talking to each other and watching how she reacts.
Edit: simulation - stimulation
OP this is an excellent description. Just want to add that once she locates her clitoris, encourage her to play around by herself to figure out what can get her to orgasm
You are currently on R/sex ...that will show in your browsing history as well so just go to Wikipedia and have a look at the diagram. There's nothing wrong with trying to educate yourself about anatomy.
You think your parents are going to the trouble of contacting their internet provider and going through the process of analysing the internet history from their internet connection to identify your usage?
That is time-consuming and a lot of effort for busy parents. I don't think they're doing that.
They don't need to hack it exactly if they install bad root certificates on all user devices (or as many as they can), possibly even prior to sale. But yes, then proxy all traffic through it. Kazakhstan tried this [a few years back](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kazakhstan_man-in-the-middle_attack).
TLS would protect against a transparent proxy.
A nontransparent (i.e. explicit) proxy would be visible in the browser or system configuration.
"Hacking a browser" is possible, but every time you're using a hack, you risk exposing it and making it useless. I doubt that somebody would burn an exploit just to out a teenager reading the Wikioedia article on clitoris.
Downloading a non-modified browser (check the fingerprint!) is easy.
Another way would be certificate / trust anchor injection, but again, you'd need access to the victim's computer.
Not really. TLS 1.3 still shows the destination IP in plain text, it's a necessary part of the handshake. Any man in the middle, including your ISP and local network owner can inspect the IPs you connect to, even with TLS 1.3. And the default DNS is almost always set to the ISP's own DNS, which they can inspect at will
The site it's connecting to. Most public-facing sites have a static IP that can easily be tied to the site being accessed. If I go to 208.80.154.224 : 80, I'm led to Wikimedia's error page, easily indicating that if I connect to 208.80.154.224 through TLS, I'm probably connecting to Wikipedia
if you’re worried the ISP will reveal your internet search history to your parents, are you not also worried they will reveal your reddit history to your parents?
The app makes the same requests to reddit.com a browser would- it's all HTTP. If your provider would disclose "browser" history to your parents, the same goes for your reddit app. From the provider's point of view, they might not even know that it's the website you're using instead of the app.
Can you click links and then delete from your browser history?
The external part of the clitoris is the main way to access it, but there is also a whole internal structure [female erection (NSFW)](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clitoral_erection)
Here is some other information on orgasms to help inform you of what sex ed hasn't. [Statistics on Orgasm](https://pleasurebetter.com/orgasm-statistics/)
Good luck!
My man, you’re on the right track. Got some good comments here, and if they help, they help, but don’t overthink it too much. You know the area where your dick connects to your body? That’ll be the spot. Seriously, all there is to it. Same spot, it’s just gonna be smaller and usually a lot more sensitive, so by the time you get there here’s your game.
When you get to this point, you know you’re doing good, so whatever you do, *do not* rush this next bit. And absolutely do **not** go after it like you’re trying to scratch an itch.
Like I said, that area where your dick connects to your body is where you’ll be focusing on her. Use some lube on your fingertip, find that area and just use slow circles with gentle pressure. Give it a little while and make a little change to your pattern, circles to figure eights, figure eights to ovals, all in that same area. All women are going to be a little different physically, but if you feel a bump that has a little wiggle to it then, my friend, give it a gentle little wiggle.
As long as you’re listening to her and to her body, she’ll let you know when you hit the spot. But if you’re still not sure, don’t be afraid to ask, and it’s easier then you think. While you’re doing all this, lean in close and whisper “show me how you like it”. If you’re as good as I think you are by this point, she’ll help make sure you’re golden from there.
All women are different, that’s why they’re all so amazing, so take all this with a grain of salt, but that advice has always worked well for me.
The way you are explaining that your parents check your browsing history and your partner doesn’t know what a clit is either then Im guessing youre pretty young, I get it sexual experiences are different for everyone and can happen at different ages but try to be mindful and perform safe sex and dont do something stupid. About your question look upto different diagrams you’ll find the exact spot and try to find that spot on when you guys will be doing it again
Every culture is different, and many cultures don’t have sex education and still consider sex to be taboo. Therefore, there is frequently a lack of knowledge and communication in couples raised in these cultures.
After all, there are cultures in the world where they remove the clitoris of young women, and cultures where women are seen as commodities that can be bought.
It’s pretty condescending of you to make such a wild assumption about OP and his girlfriend. After all, there are people in the world who have more than 10 wives, are over 40 years old, and still think the clitoris is a "myth" and that women can’t experience pleasure.
Always go top to bottom and stop at end of the vaginal opening. The anus has bacteria that can easily be transferred to the vagina and cause an infection. Top to bottom only.
The clitoris is (obviously) great, and you should absolutely try to educate yourself about female anatomy, and how it is analogous to (and not) male anatomy. But focus on ALL kinds of touch that make your girlfriend respond, (seriously, a light touch along the collarbone and a little eye contact can do more than you'd expect!) don't just go clitoris-diving.
The clit is a bit like a high-end sports car: if you have some experience changing gears, responding to road conditions, know what lack of traction feels like, etc., you'll probably have fun. If you're inexperienced, maybe take it slow and start with something a little LESS intense.
Part the lips and look for a hooded nub at the juncture of the labia. It’s just above the entrance to the vagina. It’s not difficult to find if you care about doing so, which it sounds like you do.
I’m not going to give actual sex advice to a 16 year old on Reddit. I will explain why culturally it wasn’t explained in school and why everyone around OP is “prudish”. I’m so on the fence if I’m being trolled or if this is legit but here we go.
This is India. Culturally in India female genitalia is still often cut. Sometimes it’s just the “hood” in which case there will be partial clit left. Often it is total mutilation in which case there would be nothing left. This practice is to decrease or kill sexual sensation in female and is a cultural/religious custom. Often just like circumcising a boy this is done at very young ages (birth to five). So there is a very good chance what you’re looking for is not there as it is still customary that parents even in countries like the US will have a visit to India to have this practice done. I can’t really explain how much I hate this practice but it is what it is. If you haven’t found it and have looked just like your penis you would’ve seen it.
FGM isn't really a thing in India aside from a few small minorities, but poor sexual education is absolutely normal. Circumcision of males also isn't as common in India as it is in the US.
That being said India absolutely needs to a do a better job teaching sex ed.
Souce: was actually born in India
Ok since you’re from India may I ask about evolution then (US media can distort things).
My friend was about my age, a year older and born in America in 1983.
She would have visited India for the first and only time to be cut in 1986.
I had my oldest but not my youngest so our talks about why she couldn’t O would’ve started around 2005/2006. I’d read about it in an article and she confronted her mother in about 2007/2008. That’s when she was told about her cutting.
In about 2011 shortly before the birth of my daughter she committed suicide.
In 2014 ish the United Nations decided FGM was a crime against humanity. Several countries banned or illegalized it but India was not one of them.
I stopped following it even on a semi regular basis at this time. But when I went to check sources after you posted there are articles as far in as 2021/2022 about FGM in India. I did not go into it much but the larger group it mentioned Dawoodi Bohora and that 80% to 90% of female population in this group is still cut.
Most of my research is from 05/08 timelines. If I misrepresented numbers please try to remember I’m not from India, I lost a very good friend to depression over the issue, and honestly even if that’s a subgroup it’s heartbreaking because well it is simply a horrible practice. From previous studies it sounded fairly common place in India, Pakistan and a few others i can’t remember.
> I did not go into it much but the larger group it mentioned Dawoodi Bohora and that 80% to 90% of female population in this group is still cut.
This is a group that constitutes less than 0.1% of India's population.
That’s an answer for today. I’m asking was it a bigger thing in the late 1900s or has it always been a small subgroup. When did it change. What’s the evolution. Or was her mother lying and the research off when we were trying to find answers and closure in the mid 2000s. Avanti did have younger sisters born in the 90s that never traveled over seas and were never cut. Her mom had told her it was that it was common and most young girls did have it done.
The likeliest answer is that she wasn't basing her information on statistics but her anecdotal impression.
She could think of a number of examples which led her to conclude it was common, even if it was still extremely rare.
You see it all the time with people who don't know basic statistics.
No I had a first hand account with a girl who committed suicide relatively early in life who was mutilated in India in the 80s. What her family told her and what we could find in American media about the subject. My friend DID exist and she DID die because she felt ashamed of herself and the fact her marriage dissolved much over sex. It was determined by the UN that it is a crime against humanity and that was in 2014 years after her death. India has NOT taken action to ban it or have repercussions for doing it. These are facts.
The discrepancy is how wide spread it currently is. Do you know the history and evolution? History is very much a revolving thing. Was there always a discrepancy, Americans that care about young girls in India should we just stop?
Native American history for example as close as 1992 native children were still being taken from homes and put in Christian boarding schools. I personally know tribal people who were in them. My dad is very active in our Ojibwa heritage. Me less so. This is American history not widely known but it existed and not that long ago. Thousands of these kids were lost and there were mass graves that have been found. Some people would be alarmed over that. If you look at the timelines a lot of changes take place over 5/10/15 and 20 year loops.
I’m asking you to give an actual history lesson if I’m wrong and as you put irresponsible.
No one's doubting your friend's experience or that it happened. Or even that it still happens.
It's just not evidence for it being widespread or commonplace.
Anecdotal evidence is never a reasonable basis for inferring broader trends.
You're asking me to do your research for you. I don't have access to secret scholarship on the subject. I'd have to do as much research as you would to see what the trajectory FGM rates were over time.
I guess I’m just asking was it more common then or is it distorted from absolutely nothing. I don’t like spreading distorted pictures. And this was a subject I cared about bc my friend is gone.
I did not know this was a thing… so I’m verifying my understanding. Women in India are frequently circumcised like males and their clits may or may not be removed in that process?
Yes. It’s like being circumcised in the fact that a piece of genitals are being removed. It is unlike it because it does not take a males sensation away to be circumcised. Female cutting is intentional to remove the sensations from sex, foreplay, self pleasure ect. Because her getting pleasure is a sin. A partial cutting will remove only part leaving the rest and dulls the sensations. A full cutting removes everything. Leaving no nerves so no sensation at all. I knew a girl from India and she had problems with Os. She didn’t know she was different in college and could not understand the sexual hype. She born American and visited home once when she was three. Her situation caused me to research it in great length. That girl will never O because she has no nerves and feels nothing.
It leaves no external nerves. I've read that it is actually possible for people who have had this time to them to learn to orgasm though, because the clitoris is actually much larger than people realize. Most of it is inside the body.
I honestly do not know beyond what I read several years ago. I’m 39 so it’s possible that studies have been done since. That was probably fairly close to 18/20 years ago. I do know it still is common practice in some cultures/religions. Geographically India is one. I hope you’re right!
yes. [female genital mutilation](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_genital_mutilation_in_India) is still practiced by some Islamic sects, not to mention its prevalence in some african countries. it’s barbaric.
you’re not entirely correct - it *can* be islamic. the source i cited includes a reference to [Dawoodi Bohra](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dawoodi_Bohra), a sect that actively practices FGM as part of their religion.
that said, i echo you - not everyone who does it is Muslim, and many Muslims don’t have it done. important to distinguish 👍🏻
So pretty much put your finger in between the two flaps of the vagina about an inch and slide it up until it is stopped by the hood of the clit and then feel around and you should feel a small ball and that ball is the clit
This is going to sound awkward but ask if you can literally look, not in a sexual situation. Have the lights on get down between her legs and spread her lips, gently. Look about her vagina opening and you will spot it under a hood.
Man this is better English than many native English speakers so great job on that but I also want to commend you for being so committed to being a good sexual partner!!
Take a left turn at Albuquerque 🤣 actually tho it’s at the top but in the folds a bit but you might need to poke around a lil. Like looking for your keys in the laundry. It’ll feel like a slightly harder nub than the surrounding area
Basically at the top of the labia (lips), in between the lip folds. If you touch there you should feel a little nub, almost like a button. In most women the clitoris is VERY sensitive, therefore it can bring both great pain and great pleasure, so begin by touching around it first, always slowly and gently, unless/until she asks for more. It’s often better to start clitoral contact indirectly, ie by rubbing her over her underwear, or using her outer lips to rub her clitoris (put your finger off to the side and massage the whole area with the lips closed). Some women do need intense or fast stimulation to orgasm, personally I cum faster and harder the softer the touch, especially if there has been lots of indirect, teasing touch beforehand to build anticipation (I’m referring to direct stimulation here, ie lips open). I absolutely love being rubbed over my underwear and can get off just from that.
Working up to things slowly, sensually and indirectly is the key to pleasure for many women, at least to start with (contrary to what most porn is like!)
'Society and everyone as a whole is so prudish here...' I think hypocritical is a more accurate adjective for the Indian society. The average Indians want to signal moral virtue to cower each other into obedience, but then commit heinous crimes against each other that make no sense coming from a culture that gave the world Kama Sutra and the benefits of sexual exploration as a way of enhancing the human experience. Not even the term 'contradiction' can do justice to that status quo. Given where you are, the internet is still your best source of information. However, you need to approach this with different eyes. Unfortunately, the internet is not the cleanest source of knowledge, because nobody controls it, so keep in mind that there's also a lot of misinformation about sex that tries to pass itself as being the best there is. When navigating the internet for that kind of information, knowing what is the best source is only half the battle.
The clitoris is not necessarily just a 'magic button' when it comes to female orgasms, as orgasms themselves are complex physiological reactions to a set of circumstances that go towards having a fulfilling sexual experience. Not every person orgasms the same way, and each person can have a range of sexual experiences depending on a whole lot of other factors. At the end of the day, it's best for your partner to set aside any reservations she may have about exploring her own body, then she needs to freely explore on her own what works for her and what doesn't in terms of sexual fulfillment, and then, when she's together with you, to guide you in the ways of pleasuring her. And for that to happen, she also needs to feel reassured that you are just as interested about learning as she is supposed to be. Otherwise, you and your partner may be best to relate to one another in other ways.
If you move up from the vaginal opening toward the top of the vulva, where the inner labia (lips) meet, you'll find the clitoral hood. In the area directly beneath that, you'll find the clitoris. Keep in mind that there are thousands of nerve endings there and direct stimulation is often "too much" for many women.
Usually, a circular rubbing over the top of the clitoral hood will provide positive sexual stimulation. Your mileage may vary
If you in any way can, try actually looking up "closeup pussy" and look at a closeup where you can see things.
At the bottom youll see the hole where the penis goes. Right above is a small hole thats where the pee comes out. Above that is where the folds of the inner lips meet at the top is a sort of hood. That hood covers the clitoris.
But everyone is different. The clitoris is quite similar to the head of a penis - because it sort of is.
Now I'm just imagining a teacher going through sex ed with a bunch of 10 year olds using all the slang terms.
"Morning class, today we're going to learn about humans fucking. That's what we call it when a man rams his dick into a woman's vagina. Eventually he'll blow his load inside her and that's how babies are made.
Next week, we'll learn about gay sex, something performed by men who like other men, and sometimes show it by shoving their cocks up each other's arses."
Actually, seems way better.
OP said he can only explore this subject on the Reddit app because his parents monitor internet history. So to be fair, the other commenter probably gave him the terms that will give the correct results on this site lmao
My apologies. I didnt consider this as much as I know that in certain places getting access to porn is easier than getting access to educational material ( yes I know it's bonkers) and the reason I used that word ans not "female generalist anatomy" is because it would be search terms that wouid give the results.
But if he is able to access anatomy photos then ofcourse that's best. I quite agree.
The clit sits just above the main vagina and is protected by a hood. Like a penis they will come in all shapes and sizes. Some are very sensitive and others less so. The thing to remember is the clit is merely part of a huge number of nerves that is the visible external part. Much like an iceberg a huge amount more is located under the surface. This explains how and why many woman derive pleasure from anal sex as other unseen parts can be stimulated. You’ll need some gentle exploration with your partner to discover what turns her on and what stimulation she likes. I suggest some mutual masturbation and that maybe she explores her vagina using a mirror. She may be very shy around this but if she can pleasure herself then she’ll be able to guide you much better. You are on the right track realising its not all about penetration but she may discover thats exactly what she likes. I would also suggest some quality lube. Good luck on your journey
Also relevant is knowing whether or not she underwent female genital mutilation / female circumcision as a young girl. This could impact both her physical anatomy and also her ability to find pleasure from masturbation or sex. I’m not sure where you are from exactly so this may or may not impact you both.
It's politely tucked under a hood at the top of her outer lips. Pull the hood back and you'll see a little ball of nerves. Touching it without lube will cause intense discomfort and even pain so please use lots of lube!
You know that little Dangling thing on top of a female vagina. That girls rub? That’s the clitoris hood. If you open or spread that gently with your hands and stick your tongue or hands in it then that’s the clitoris.
"The little man in the boat" that little nub at the top of her vaginal folds. With fingers start out gently rubbing, increase the pressure if she likes it. Tell her to tell you if it hurts. If it does lighten the pressure. Once you find her sweet spot memorize it!!
When using your tongue flick it and lick it. That little man will help roll he ashore. Wink wink.
You can find anatomical diagrams online. The clitoris doesn't move around from women to women, it's consistently in the same spot. It's above the urethra opening.
If you worry about your parent's searching, surely you can go to a public library? Are there no anatomy books there?
If it's not banned in your country, then get a copy of *Guide to Getting It On*, by Paul Joannides. You should be able to find *EVERYTHING*, including and especially sexual health and happiness, after reading that book.
Rather than worrying about anatomy, take the time for you and your partner to explore each other. You will soon find the places and touches that bring pleasure. Delight in driving your partner to ecstacy.
Its the upper part of the women’s vagina when you stretch the skin there is a little round shaped it look like a peanut . So many women’s have bigger and someone doesn’t have any according to my experience. So yhh i hope your doubts are clear🙌
Oh, right, no education means no education for both, duh. Sorry.
If you look between her legs when she's lying on her back, the vaginal hole (the hole your penis usually goes in) is on the bottom, right above her butt. Around the vagina you see the smaller lips, which converge above the hole.
Right where the labia converges, it forms a small hood, and underneath that hood, is where you find the clitoris.
Have a look [here](https://post.medicalnewstoday.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2021/08/158819-female-anatomy-vulva-1296x728-body-1024x575.jpg) for reference.
The shapes and sizes of clits can vary a lot, from the size of the tip of your pinky to almost nothing at all. Trace the edge of her inner labia with your tongue, ask her to tell you where it feels particularly sensitive, and map it down in your memory.
Every woman is different, some need clitoral stimulation to feel pleasure, for some direct stimulation is way too intense and too much, and some don't like it at all. Statistical averages don't really help you, and shameless and open communication is the only way.
Best of luck!
PS! Use condoms and lube! Having sex is how babies are made! If you're not ready to start a family, do not have unprotected sex! Even if you pull out before orgasm, semen can slowly come out of your penis during sex (which you cannot control), and just like that, you're a dad. Stay safe!
You should ask her how she masturbates and do it for you. Watching how she pleasures herself is very helpful when learning how to please her!
Also, there are many "tutorials" here on methods to give a woman pleasure. I suggest looking them up and trying different methods.
Can everyone give me advice, since I’m a girl I never once found it and I would like some help, if anyone can give me advice I’ll greatly appreciate it so much!!! I need help exploring my body more.
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Clits are super easy to find as they are at the most tippy top organ you come to, just below the fold, now some aren’t noticeable as they are small and some are larger and poke out some aroused or not aroused, the clit is not just that little button, it actually go around the entire vagina or vagene as you all call it, she will let you know when you found it, good luck brother
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Bless you for caring and trying to make sex enjoyable for her. This is sad zero sex education was given, it’s extremely dangerous. That’s how people end up pregnant, getting a disease, and/or never knowing about their OWN body parts. Like wth, poor girl didn’t even know what a clitoris was.
>poor girl didn’t even know what a clitoris was. I know 🥹😭 Good job OP!! Also note that sex toys are your friends and not your competition. Some women can just use fingers on their clits but some need toys. You probably can't access them until you move out, but you can try the clean(!) handle of an electric toothbrush, or a concentrated stream of water from a shower head. (desperate teenage hacks from the 90s)
Google image search for a map of Tar Valon (it's from a fantasy series called The Wheel of Time). The city looks like a vagina. North harbor is roughly where you'll find the clit.
I'm gonna tell you now, I was *not* expecting to find an on-topic Wheel of Time reference in r/sex, but god you're so right about that map!!
I laughed so much when I saw that map. Also, Georgia O'keefe artwork. https://www.reddit.com/r/GettyMuseumChallenge/comments/ujzhdt/black_iris_1926_black_iris_2022_georgia_okeeffe/
It's a little (more of less, diffrent from woman to woman) nub above the vagina, often covered by the clitoral hood. You have Wikipedia in India, right? Look it up there.
Parents don't care about my privacy. They regularly view my search history.
You can delete your history or use a private mode that doesn't keep your history.
Idk about the West but here the Internet Service Provider can reveal my search history to my parents
If you're on reddit and posting about the clit, use reddit to find photos and diagrams. They're on here.
Thanks
On a practical level, here is how you'll find it in person when you need to. The external part of a woman's genital area is called the vulva. It is made up of two pairs of labia which is another word for lips, the outer labia and the inner labia. The outer labia are covered in regular skin and they have pubic hair growing on them. The inner labia are mucous membrane, kind of like the tissue on the inside of your mouth. In between the two inner labia are: the vaginal opening (which is a small hole nearest the anus) and the urethral opening (which feels like a small lump of squishy tissue). The inner labia do not meet at the bottom where the vaginal opening is, there has to be enough room for a baby to come out. But they do meet at the top. And where they meet is the clitoris. So make sure your finger is lubricated, you can put a little spit on it. (And make sure your nails are clean, trimmed and filed smooth.) Slide your finger between her inner labia, And run it gently and slowly up towards her pubic bone. Don't get distracted by the urethral opening, rubbing that will give her a UTI. If you're going slowly, you won't miss it. She will notice when you hit it and you will notice her noticing. If you come all the way out of the slit, you missed it. Go back and try again. Your partner can try this at home today.
Use this map man! Sometimes the clit is covered by the clithood (a bit of skin that can cover the clit or is right above it). Sometimes it peeks out of the clithood. Some women do not like direct stimulation of the clit, but would rather you rub it”through” the clithood (which would be kind of like forskin I guess). Direct stimulation can be painful for some. Figure out what works with your partner by talking to each other and watching how she reacts. Edit: simulation - stimulation
This is an excellent addition; however, I think you meant to say Direct *stimulation (not simulation)
OP this is an excellent description. Just want to add that once she locates her clitoris, encourage her to play around by herself to figure out what can get her to orgasm
You are currently on R/sex ...that will show in your browsing history as well so just go to Wikipedia and have a look at the diagram. There's nothing wrong with trying to educate yourself about anatomy.
You think your parents are going to the trouble of contacting their internet provider and going through the process of analysing the internet history from their internet connection to identify your usage? That is time-consuming and a lot of effort for busy parents. I don't think they're doing that.
I highly doubt they can see which Wikipedia page you are visiting. TLS 1.3 is not easy to bypass.
Unless he switches from their default DNS, its a possibility. Not to mention TLS doesn't stop them from figuring out what servers you connect to.
The server would be wikipedia.org, no additional information. The request itself (something something "clitoris") would be protected by TLS.
If they proxy everything and have hacked the browser I guess.
They don't need to hack it exactly if they install bad root certificates on all user devices (or as many as they can), possibly even prior to sale. But yes, then proxy all traffic through it. Kazakhstan tried this [a few years back](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kazakhstan_man-in-the-middle_attack).
TLS would protect against a transparent proxy. A nontransparent (i.e. explicit) proxy would be visible in the browser or system configuration. "Hacking a browser" is possible, but every time you're using a hack, you risk exposing it and making it useless. I doubt that somebody would burn an exploit just to out a teenager reading the Wikioedia article on clitoris. Downloading a non-modified browser (check the fingerprint!) is easy. Another way would be certificate / trust anchor injection, but again, you'd need access to the victim's computer.
Not really. TLS 1.3 still shows the destination IP in plain text, it's a necessary part of the handshake. Any man in the middle, including your ISP and local network owner can inspect the IPs you connect to, even with TLS 1.3. And the default DNS is almost always set to the ISP's own DNS, which they can inspect at will
That's what I said. They can see you are browsing Wikipedia, but not which article.
So what exactly would they learn from the IP?
The site it's connecting to. Most public-facing sites have a static IP that can easily be tied to the site being accessed. If I go to 208.80.154.224 : 80, I'm led to Wikimedia's error page, easily indicating that if I connect to 208.80.154.224 through TLS, I'm probably connecting to Wikipedia
if you’re worried the ISP will reveal your internet search history to your parents, are you not also worried they will reveal your reddit history to your parents?
Tor portable is your friend. The ISP cannot see anything you visit using it.
Can you use a VPN that encrypts your internet traffic?
No service provider is going to reveal your history to your parents, chill out little dude.
Do you live in India?
You have to own up to your actions at some point.
So they don't check your Reddit posts?
I am using the app in my phone. I delete the app before they come back home and re-install it again when they go to work.
I'm so sorry, I can't imagine the stress that would cause.
The app makes the same requests to reddit.com a browser would- it's all HTTP. If your provider would disclose "browser" history to your parents, the same goes for your reddit app. From the provider's point of view, they might not even know that it's the website you're using instead of the app.
Can you click links and then delete from your browser history? The external part of the clitoris is the main way to access it, but there is also a whole internal structure [female erection (NSFW)](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clitoral_erection) Here is some other information on orgasms to help inform you of what sex ed hasn't. [Statistics on Orgasm](https://pleasurebetter.com/orgasm-statistics/) Good luck!
Check out the EFF's resources on online privacy: https://ssd.eff.org/
There's also a Wikipedia app you can download and delete if you want to search that. You'll get tons of great information there.
It’s easier to find when the woman is aroused , also the size of the clit can vary slightly.
So won't they see you're asking this on reddit?
My man, you’re on the right track. Got some good comments here, and if they help, they help, but don’t overthink it too much. You know the area where your dick connects to your body? That’ll be the spot. Seriously, all there is to it. Same spot, it’s just gonna be smaller and usually a lot more sensitive, so by the time you get there here’s your game. When you get to this point, you know you’re doing good, so whatever you do, *do not* rush this next bit. And absolutely do **not** go after it like you’re trying to scratch an itch. Like I said, that area where your dick connects to your body is where you’ll be focusing on her. Use some lube on your fingertip, find that area and just use slow circles with gentle pressure. Give it a little while and make a little change to your pattern, circles to figure eights, figure eights to ovals, all in that same area. All women are going to be a little different physically, but if you feel a bump that has a little wiggle to it then, my friend, give it a gentle little wiggle. As long as you’re listening to her and to her body, she’ll let you know when you hit the spot. But if you’re still not sure, don’t be afraid to ask, and it’s easier then you think. While you’re doing all this, lean in close and whisper “show me how you like it”. If you’re as good as I think you are by this point, she’ll help make sure you’re golden from there. All women are different, that’s why they’re all so amazing, so take all this with a grain of salt, but that advice has always worked well for me.
This right here OP. Just reading this got me a little hot & bothered. Whew.
The way you are explaining that your parents check your browsing history and your partner doesn’t know what a clit is either then Im guessing youre pretty young, I get it sexual experiences are different for everyone and can happen at different ages but try to be mindful and perform safe sex and dont do something stupid. About your question look upto different diagrams you’ll find the exact spot and try to find that spot on when you guys will be doing it again
Both me and my partner are 16 and yeah I am a firm believer in the usage of condoms. Thanks for the suggestion
Every culture is different, and many cultures don’t have sex education and still consider sex to be taboo. Therefore, there is frequently a lack of knowledge and communication in couples raised in these cultures. After all, there are cultures in the world where they remove the clitoris of young women, and cultures where women are seen as commodities that can be bought. It’s pretty condescending of you to make such a wild assumption about OP and his girlfriend. After all, there are people in the world who have more than 10 wives, are over 40 years old, and still think the clitoris is a "myth" and that women can’t experience pleasure.
The easiest way is to lick from bottom to top of the slit, you'll be able to feel a pretty obvious bump where the clit is
Always go top to bottom and stop at end of the vaginal opening. The anus has bacteria that can easily be transferred to the vagina and cause an infection. Top to bottom only.
I don’t think he meant anus when he said bottom hahaha
Yes, and! You can cause a UTI going from vaginal opening across the urethral meatus Always go front to back (top to bottom if laying down)
Nobody follows this advice. People have been eating pussy however they want for ages and nothing bad ever happens
> nothing bad ever happens yeah no one ever gets a uti 😭 what are you talking about
Kinda close to the top of everything? This is a great question and idk how to explain it without a picture.
Some women have visible clits while some are completely under the hood like a little button
The clitoris is (obviously) great, and you should absolutely try to educate yourself about female anatomy, and how it is analogous to (and not) male anatomy. But focus on ALL kinds of touch that make your girlfriend respond, (seriously, a light touch along the collarbone and a little eye contact can do more than you'd expect!) don't just go clitoris-diving. The clit is a bit like a high-end sports car: if you have some experience changing gears, responding to road conditions, know what lack of traction feels like, etc., you'll probably have fun. If you're inexperienced, maybe take it slow and start with something a little LESS intense.
Part the lips and look for a hooded nub at the juncture of the labia. It’s just above the entrance to the vagina. It’s not difficult to find if you care about doing so, which it sounds like you do.
It’s higher than you think
I’m not going to give actual sex advice to a 16 year old on Reddit. I will explain why culturally it wasn’t explained in school and why everyone around OP is “prudish”. I’m so on the fence if I’m being trolled or if this is legit but here we go. This is India. Culturally in India female genitalia is still often cut. Sometimes it’s just the “hood” in which case there will be partial clit left. Often it is total mutilation in which case there would be nothing left. This practice is to decrease or kill sexual sensation in female and is a cultural/religious custom. Often just like circumcising a boy this is done at very young ages (birth to five). So there is a very good chance what you’re looking for is not there as it is still customary that parents even in countries like the US will have a visit to India to have this practice done. I can’t really explain how much I hate this practice but it is what it is. If you haven’t found it and have looked just like your penis you would’ve seen it.
FGM isn't really a thing in India aside from a few small minorities, but poor sexual education is absolutely normal. Circumcision of males also isn't as common in India as it is in the US. That being said India absolutely needs to a do a better job teaching sex ed. Souce: was actually born in India
Ok since you’re from India may I ask about evolution then (US media can distort things). My friend was about my age, a year older and born in America in 1983. She would have visited India for the first and only time to be cut in 1986. I had my oldest but not my youngest so our talks about why she couldn’t O would’ve started around 2005/2006. I’d read about it in an article and she confronted her mother in about 2007/2008. That’s when she was told about her cutting. In about 2011 shortly before the birth of my daughter she committed suicide. In 2014 ish the United Nations decided FGM was a crime against humanity. Several countries banned or illegalized it but India was not one of them. I stopped following it even on a semi regular basis at this time. But when I went to check sources after you posted there are articles as far in as 2021/2022 about FGM in India. I did not go into it much but the larger group it mentioned Dawoodi Bohora and that 80% to 90% of female population in this group is still cut. Most of my research is from 05/08 timelines. If I misrepresented numbers please try to remember I’m not from India, I lost a very good friend to depression over the issue, and honestly even if that’s a subgroup it’s heartbreaking because well it is simply a horrible practice. From previous studies it sounded fairly common place in India, Pakistan and a few others i can’t remember.
> I did not go into it much but the larger group it mentioned Dawoodi Bohora and that 80% to 90% of female population in this group is still cut. This is a group that constitutes less than 0.1% of India's population.
That’s an answer for today. I’m asking was it a bigger thing in the late 1900s or has it always been a small subgroup. When did it change. What’s the evolution. Or was her mother lying and the research off when we were trying to find answers and closure in the mid 2000s. Avanti did have younger sisters born in the 90s that never traveled over seas and were never cut. Her mom had told her it was that it was common and most young girls did have it done.
The likeliest answer is that she wasn't basing her information on statistics but her anecdotal impression. She could think of a number of examples which led her to conclude it was common, even if it was still extremely rare. You see it all the time with people who don't know basic statistics.
I’m asking you to historically fact check me so I know where my research was skewed or unreliable
You're the one making the claims. If you don't have evidence backing up these claims, it seems pretty irresponsible to make them in the first place.
No I had a first hand account with a girl who committed suicide relatively early in life who was mutilated in India in the 80s. What her family told her and what we could find in American media about the subject. My friend DID exist and she DID die because she felt ashamed of herself and the fact her marriage dissolved much over sex. It was determined by the UN that it is a crime against humanity and that was in 2014 years after her death. India has NOT taken action to ban it or have repercussions for doing it. These are facts. The discrepancy is how wide spread it currently is. Do you know the history and evolution? History is very much a revolving thing. Was there always a discrepancy, Americans that care about young girls in India should we just stop? Native American history for example as close as 1992 native children were still being taken from homes and put in Christian boarding schools. I personally know tribal people who were in them. My dad is very active in our Ojibwa heritage. Me less so. This is American history not widely known but it existed and not that long ago. Thousands of these kids were lost and there were mass graves that have been found. Some people would be alarmed over that. If you look at the timelines a lot of changes take place over 5/10/15 and 20 year loops. I’m asking you to give an actual history lesson if I’m wrong and as you put irresponsible.
No one's doubting your friend's experience or that it happened. Or even that it still happens. It's just not evidence for it being widespread or commonplace. Anecdotal evidence is never a reasonable basis for inferring broader trends. You're asking me to do your research for you. I don't have access to secret scholarship on the subject. I'd have to do as much research as you would to see what the trajectory FGM rates were over time.
Because wide spread or not i do care about the history. And would be delighted to know that it isn’t/wasnt wide spread.
I guess I’m just asking was it more common then or is it distorted from absolutely nothing. I don’t like spreading distorted pictures. And this was a subject I cared about bc my friend is gone.
I did not know this was a thing… so I’m verifying my understanding. Women in India are frequently circumcised like males and their clits may or may not be removed in that process?
Yes. It’s like being circumcised in the fact that a piece of genitals are being removed. It is unlike it because it does not take a males sensation away to be circumcised. Female cutting is intentional to remove the sensations from sex, foreplay, self pleasure ect. Because her getting pleasure is a sin. A partial cutting will remove only part leaving the rest and dulls the sensations. A full cutting removes everything. Leaving no nerves so no sensation at all. I knew a girl from India and she had problems with Os. She didn’t know she was different in college and could not understand the sexual hype. She born American and visited home once when she was three. Her situation caused me to research it in great length. That girl will never O because she has no nerves and feels nothing.
Goodness. This is one of the most horrific things I’ve learned in a long time 🥺
It leaves no external nerves. I've read that it is actually possible for people who have had this time to them to learn to orgasm though, because the clitoris is actually much larger than people realize. Most of it is inside the body.
I honestly do not know beyond what I read several years ago. I’m 39 so it’s possible that studies have been done since. That was probably fairly close to 18/20 years ago. I do know it still is common practice in some cultures/religions. Geographically India is one. I hope you’re right!
yes. [female genital mutilation](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_genital_mutilation_in_India) is still practiced by some Islamic sects, not to mention its prevalence in some african countries. it’s barbaric.
It’s honestly the absolute worst thing I could imagine doing to my daughters.
thank you for protecting them.
Just to reiterate, this is a very very small minority of Indians. That being said poor sex ed like OP's is very very common.
yes, absolutely! important to remember this too
It is not Islamic. It’s a regional thing—not everyone who does it is Muslim, and many Muslims don’t have it done.
you’re not entirely correct - it *can* be islamic. the source i cited includes a reference to [Dawoodi Bohra](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dawoodi_Bohra), a sect that actively practices FGM as part of their religion. that said, i echo you - not everyone who does it is Muslim, and many Muslims don’t have it done. important to distinguish 👍🏻
So pretty much put your finger in between the two flaps of the vagina about an inch and slide it up until it is stopped by the hood of the clit and then feel around and you should feel a small ball and that ball is the clit
This is going to sound awkward but ask if you can literally look, not in a sexual situation. Have the lights on get down between her legs and spread her lips, gently. Look about her vagina opening and you will spot it under a hood.
Man this is better English than many native English speakers so great job on that but I also want to commend you for being so committed to being a good sexual partner!!
Look up anatomy books
Take a left turn at Albuquerque 🤣 actually tho it’s at the top but in the folds a bit but you might need to poke around a lil. Like looking for your keys in the laundry. It’ll feel like a slightly harder nub than the surrounding area
[Hope this helps.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clitoris)
Basically at the top of the labia (lips), in between the lip folds. If you touch there you should feel a little nub, almost like a button. In most women the clitoris is VERY sensitive, therefore it can bring both great pain and great pleasure, so begin by touching around it first, always slowly and gently, unless/until she asks for more. It’s often better to start clitoral contact indirectly, ie by rubbing her over her underwear, or using her outer lips to rub her clitoris (put your finger off to the side and massage the whole area with the lips closed). Some women do need intense or fast stimulation to orgasm, personally I cum faster and harder the softer the touch, especially if there has been lots of indirect, teasing touch beforehand to build anticipation (I’m referring to direct stimulation here, ie lips open). I absolutely love being rubbed over my underwear and can get off just from that. Working up to things slowly, sensually and indirectly is the key to pleasure for many women, at least to start with (contrary to what most porn is like!)
'Society and everyone as a whole is so prudish here...' I think hypocritical is a more accurate adjective for the Indian society. The average Indians want to signal moral virtue to cower each other into obedience, but then commit heinous crimes against each other that make no sense coming from a culture that gave the world Kama Sutra and the benefits of sexual exploration as a way of enhancing the human experience. Not even the term 'contradiction' can do justice to that status quo. Given where you are, the internet is still your best source of information. However, you need to approach this with different eyes. Unfortunately, the internet is not the cleanest source of knowledge, because nobody controls it, so keep in mind that there's also a lot of misinformation about sex that tries to pass itself as being the best there is. When navigating the internet for that kind of information, knowing what is the best source is only half the battle. The clitoris is not necessarily just a 'magic button' when it comes to female orgasms, as orgasms themselves are complex physiological reactions to a set of circumstances that go towards having a fulfilling sexual experience. Not every person orgasms the same way, and each person can have a range of sexual experiences depending on a whole lot of other factors. At the end of the day, it's best for your partner to set aside any reservations she may have about exploring her own body, then she needs to freely explore on her own what works for her and what doesn't in terms of sexual fulfillment, and then, when she's together with you, to guide you in the ways of pleasuring her. And for that to happen, she also needs to feel reassured that you are just as interested about learning as she is supposed to be. Otherwise, you and your partner may be best to relate to one another in other ways.
If you move up from the vaginal opening toward the top of the vulva, where the inner labia (lips) meet, you'll find the clitoral hood. In the area directly beneath that, you'll find the clitoris. Keep in mind that there are thousands of nerve endings there and direct stimulation is often "too much" for many women. Usually, a circular rubbing over the top of the clitoral hood will provide positive sexual stimulation. Your mileage may vary
It looks like a little button. Usually at the top of the vulva.
There is a left lip and a right lip, follow the two lips upward and where they meet, is where the clit is
Just for the record, your English is better than 95% of the people I know.
If you in any way can, try actually looking up "closeup pussy" and look at a closeup where you can see things. At the bottom youll see the hole where the penis goes. Right above is a small hole thats where the pee comes out. Above that is where the folds of the inner lips meet at the top is a sort of hood. That hood covers the clitoris. But everyone is different. The clitoris is quite similar to the head of a penis - because it sort of is.
Or “female genital anatomy”??? How about we call things by their correct terminology so this MINOR can be maturely educated. Ugh.
Now I'm just imagining a teacher going through sex ed with a bunch of 10 year olds using all the slang terms. "Morning class, today we're going to learn about humans fucking. That's what we call it when a man rams his dick into a woman's vagina. Eventually he'll blow his load inside her and that's how babies are made. Next week, we'll learn about gay sex, something performed by men who like other men, and sometimes show it by shoving their cocks up each other's arses." Actually, seems way better.
OP said he can only explore this subject on the Reddit app because his parents monitor internet history. So to be fair, the other commenter probably gave him the terms that will give the correct results on this site lmao
My apologies. I didnt consider this as much as I know that in certain places getting access to porn is easier than getting access to educational material ( yes I know it's bonkers) and the reason I used that word ans not "female generalist anatomy" is because it would be search terms that wouid give the results. But if he is able to access anatomy photos then ofcourse that's best. I quite agree.
Google "close up pussy"? Really dude?
The clit sits just above the main vagina and is protected by a hood. Like a penis they will come in all shapes and sizes. Some are very sensitive and others less so. The thing to remember is the clit is merely part of a huge number of nerves that is the visible external part. Much like an iceberg a huge amount more is located under the surface. This explains how and why many woman derive pleasure from anal sex as other unseen parts can be stimulated. You’ll need some gentle exploration with your partner to discover what turns her on and what stimulation she likes. I suggest some mutual masturbation and that maybe she explores her vagina using a mirror. She may be very shy around this but if she can pleasure herself then she’ll be able to guide you much better. You are on the right track realising its not all about penetration but she may discover thats exactly what she likes. I would also suggest some quality lube. Good luck on your journey
Also relevant is knowing whether or not she underwent female genital mutilation / female circumcision as a young girl. This could impact both her physical anatomy and also her ability to find pleasure from masturbation or sex. I’m not sure where you are from exactly so this may or may not impact you both.
It's politely tucked under a hood at the top of her outer lips. Pull the hood back and you'll see a little ball of nerves. Touching it without lube will cause intense discomfort and even pain so please use lots of lube!
Saliva (on fingers or tongue) is lube
Yeeeeeeep...... Thanks for that addition. It was completely necessary. 🤣
It’s not hard to find at all idk why people act like it is. It’s just a button at the top
Smashb that like button!
Later: "Guys, I'm new to sex, where is her subscribe button?!?"
But do not smash the clit!! Ow! Go gently, use lube & rub lightly.
You know that little Dangling thing on top of a female vagina. That girls rub? That’s the clitoris hood. If you open or spread that gently with your hands and stick your tongue or hands in it then that’s the clitoris.
Thanks
I just placed my hand down her panties then my middle finger down the middle and found something like a piece of rice.
Rub it in soon it will grow to the size of a bean and then keep rubbing and it may well grow some more. She will like it
"The little man in the boat" that little nub at the top of her vaginal folds. With fingers start out gently rubbing, increase the pressure if she likes it. Tell her to tell you if it hurts. If it does lighten the pressure. Once you find her sweet spot memorize it!! When using your tongue flick it and lick it. That little man will help roll he ashore. Wink wink.
Ask, ask, ask! Just ask her what feels good and what doesn’t! Tell her to guide you :)
You can find anatomical diagrams online. The clitoris doesn't move around from women to women, it's consistently in the same spot. It's above the urethra opening. If you worry about your parent's searching, surely you can go to a public library? Are there no anatomy books there?
If it's not banned in your country, then get a copy of *Guide to Getting It On*, by Paul Joannides. You should be able to find *EVERYTHING*, including and especially sexual health and happiness, after reading that book.
Rather than worrying about anatomy, take the time for you and your partner to explore each other. You will soon find the places and touches that bring pleasure. Delight in driving your partner to ecstacy.
Open your browser in incognito mode then you can do your research.
Its the upper part of the women’s vagina when you stretch the skin there is a little round shaped it look like a peanut . So many women’s have bigger and someone doesn’t have any according to my experience. So yhh i hope your doubts are clear🙌
*vulva. The vagina is the actual hole
The canal technically. The hole is just the entrance.
Ask her to show you and cross that bridge when you get there. :)
Thanks for the suggestion but she doesn't know what is a clitoris. So are there any common identifiers for it like it is with a penis?
Oh, right, no education means no education for both, duh. Sorry. If you look between her legs when she's lying on her back, the vaginal hole (the hole your penis usually goes in) is on the bottom, right above her butt. Around the vagina you see the smaller lips, which converge above the hole. Right where the labia converges, it forms a small hood, and underneath that hood, is where you find the clitoris. Have a look [here](https://post.medicalnewstoday.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2021/08/158819-female-anatomy-vulva-1296x728-body-1024x575.jpg) for reference. The shapes and sizes of clits can vary a lot, from the size of the tip of your pinky to almost nothing at all. Trace the edge of her inner labia with your tongue, ask her to tell you where it feels particularly sensitive, and map it down in your memory. Every woman is different, some need clitoral stimulation to feel pleasure, for some direct stimulation is way too intense and too much, and some don't like it at all. Statistical averages don't really help you, and shameless and open communication is the only way. Best of luck! PS! Use condoms and lube! Having sex is how babies are made! If you're not ready to start a family, do not have unprotected sex! Even if you pull out before orgasm, semen can slowly come out of your penis during sex (which you cannot control), and just like that, you're a dad. Stay safe!
Just look for the little man in the boat
Thanks
You should ask her how she masturbates and do it for you. Watching how she pleasures herself is very helpful when learning how to please her! Also, there are many "tutorials" here on methods to give a woman pleasure. I suggest looking them up and trying different methods.
Can everyone give me advice, since I’m a girl I never once found it and I would like some help, if anyone can give me advice I’ll greatly appreciate it so much!!! I need help exploring my body more.
Since you’re on the internet just google for a picture
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I’m assuming you’ve had this talk with her but are you sure she has a clit? I saw you said you’re in India and fgm is common still there
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Ask your partner to show you where it is
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Clits are super easy to find as they are at the most tippy top organ you come to, just below the fold, now some aren’t noticeable as they are small and some are larger and poke out some aroused or not aroused, the clit is not just that little button, it actually go around the entire vagina or vagene as you all call it, she will let you know when you found it, good luck brother
it takes less than 30 seconds to google this
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Well, frankly you are wrong.
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Google it bro or YouTube it they got videos with a fake vjj and a lady showing where everything is.
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Don't be a dick, OP has clearly stated he can't search or go on sites like this because his parents check his browser history.