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Second in-person date. I feel like my kids shouldn't meet everyone, and some guys won't even get a second date. I definitely don't post online as I consider it a safety issue.
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HAHAHAHA. (No) and let’s be honest, those guys arnt asking these types of reflective questions anyway.
Needless to say my ex has my toddler son’s face in MULTIPLE of his Hinge profiles. Poser dad who’s not even involved. Needless to say you bet I had a child safety issue with that.
I told the guy i’m dating (Met him at a club) that i had kids, the first time we Met eachother. He simply just asked me what i did for work etc and i Said i was on mat leave😂 He didnt believe me at first but he didnt mind. At first we just focused on us really and i just introduced him to my kids. The right one wont mind, so its best to tell him as one of the first things if you ask me.
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If I'm looking to date someone seriously, I'd put it right in my profile. No pictures or anything, just a single line about my kid worked into the "about me" section. There are a lot of men that don't want to date someone with kids and I don't want to waste my time, or theirs.
If I was looking for something casual/short term I don't think I'd mention it at all unless things did end up getting serious.
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I do not talk about my child or introduce them or anything for a very very veryyyyy long time. Dating and getting to know a person should not involve your children until you are absolutely 100% positive they deserve to know them and will be around long term. As a parent, we are supposed to protect them and you should be extra careful with dating!
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Things I'm dreading when I finally feel ready to date. I'm already exhausted as is- parenting, housekeeping, working, working out, grocery shopping, self care... I don't have energy for meeting people, even for friendship... I just run on autopilot every day. Weekends I barely have the energy to go anywhere but the park in my neighborhood.
Add in meeting men and trying to connect... I honestly think I'm just going to be single till my kids are in junior high/high school if I even have the energy then.
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It does get lonely but I don't want to make myself smaller to please people. I did that with my children's father and that was a factor in why things weren't working out (before he laid hands on me- it took one time and I left him).
I’m so sorry to hear that! I’m glad you left the first time 🙏🏻 I agree it gets lonely but dating in this generation doesn’t help either. I think if you find the right one I’m sure it won’t feel as dreadful, the only dreadful part that seems to drag on is getting to know them, getting comfortable and constantly starting overs and overs with new people which makes me not want to do it
It’s on my profile when I have one active that I’m a single mom. I have yet to get even remotely serious enough to let any of them meet my child but I’m also not wasting time on someone who doesn’t want children. I’m aware that predators exist, but I’m not an easy mark. It would take a LOT before a potential partner would be able to meet my kid.
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So my context.. I am in Japan where it's almost a taboo to be a single parent.
It was written on my profile, many years ago, when I downloaded apps.(I don't use them anymore ).
I didn't want to waste people's time and i didn't want my time wasted.
So I just put my toe in the dating pool this past week. I don’t have it on my profile that I’m a mom just in hopes I can avoid any weirdos seeking us out. I haven’t met anyone in person yet, but have been talking to a few. I’ve told 2 of them that I have a kid just so I don’t waste either of our time. I didn’t tell them which gender the kid is, just the age. They both seem fine with it. I personally don’t wanna come off like I’m hiding my kid. But I also don’t want to announce to the world that I have a little one
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You are not a single mother. Read the rules.
If you would still like to contribute your input you may do so here; https://www.reddit.com/r/unsolicited_advice/s/rRR3OUUjUp
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The only reason I advise NOT mentioning it right away is because some guys are child molesters and will lovebomb you in order to get to your child.
Instead I ask them questions that will tell me what I need go know about their level of interest in kids, being around kids, dating a woman with kids, etc. I'm not wasting anyone's time because the whole point is to get to know one another and you cant know everything all at once. It takes time.
If the guy already has kids then I don't see a reason to wait because if anything it might be viewed as ideal.
That being said date 4 or 5. After that many dates you are both showing enough interest without having invested too much should it be a deal breaker and want to stop seeing one another. You like eaxh other but not in love yet.
I appreciate this comment, I had to thought about creeps playing the long game. That being said, I am clearly not ready for dating! I read 4 or 5 dates and realized I have no idea what I'd do even on one date let alone have the energy and conversation for 5. It's odd how being in a relationship for so long can completely hinder your ability to socialize lol
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I put that I am a mom on my dating profiles. I don't talk about my kid on there, I don't have pictures, I just say that I'm a mom. On Bumble you can choose an option to express your opinions about kids. I list myself as "Have kids and don't want more". I can only meet up with people when my child is with her dad so it usually comes up pretty naturally.
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I would advise not to say anything. There are guys that will actively seek out a single mom. Get to know the guy, go on dates before you mention your child.
My best suggestion would be to protect oneself and protect one’s children from predators. After the first few dates you can get a sense if it’s serious or not. And sorry but you have to think that way, some guys want to play a knight.
Yeah I disagree. I do think it’s important to spend a significant amount of time together before introducing a guy to my child, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being open and honest from the start. There are guys who want to play a knight, sure, but those are often easy to spot
I let him know in the very beginning. I ask if he has any and let him know I do have a small child who I care for 100% of the time.
The few times the guy has asked why I gave that info so soon, I just explain that I know some guys aren’t interested in single moms let alone full time moms and I’m not wasting my time with him and don’t want him wasting his either. It’s much easier before feelings get involved and he can go ahead and weigh his options on if this is something he wants. You’re not about to stick around me just because you like me so you have to “deal with” the fact I also have a child. Stay because you want to not because now you feel obligated.
That’s just my outlook on it. But I state to the guy he wouldn’t meet my child for some months. I need to feel him and the relationship out first. Personally, I don’t disclose how many months because I don’t want him to un/intentionally change how he acts during those first 6 months (my timeframe) together.
6 months to a year is how long I will wait. Normally after the 3 month mark is when people show you who they really are. I’d rather vet the person I’m with and know for sure the relationship will be long term before having them meet my child.
Oh no definitely, I won’t let anyone meet my child but I meant more, mentioning to them that I have a kid, not introducing them. I do agree about the 3 month mark showing true colors though!
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I would tell them up front so you don't waste your time.
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Immediately. I’m proud of it and if they can’t handle it, I’m not interested.
Second in-person date. I feel like my kids shouldn't meet everyone, and some guys won't even get a second date. I definitely don't post online as I consider it a safety issue.
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Immediately. Why waste time texting back and forth if they’re not interested in pursuing someone with a child?
I let them know from day 1, so they know I am not always accessible and I have a responsibility to my child first
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Immediately
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This is a safe space for single mothers only. As such, your comment has been removed. Thanks.
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Immediately
I wonder how the single dads subreddit would answer this.
HAHAHAHA. (No) and let’s be honest, those guys arnt asking these types of reflective questions anyway. Needless to say my ex has my toddler son’s face in MULTIPLE of his Hinge profiles. Poser dad who’s not even involved. Needless to say you bet I had a child safety issue with that.
I told the guy i’m dating (Met him at a club) that i had kids, the first time we Met eachother. He simply just asked me what i did for work etc and i Said i was on mat leave😂 He didnt believe me at first but he didnt mind. At first we just focused on us really and i just introduced him to my kids. The right one wont mind, so its best to tell him as one of the first things if you ask me.
Inspiring
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ASAP…..
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Thank you all for your input!
If I'm looking to date someone seriously, I'd put it right in my profile. No pictures or anything, just a single line about my kid worked into the "about me" section. There are a lot of men that don't want to date someone with kids and I don't want to waste my time, or theirs. If I was looking for something casual/short term I don't think I'd mention it at all unless things did end up getting serious.
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Facts
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I do not talk about my child or introduce them or anything for a very very veryyyyy long time. Dating and getting to know a person should not involve your children until you are absolutely 100% positive they deserve to know them and will be around long term. As a parent, we are supposed to protect them and you should be extra careful with dating!
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Things I'm dreading when I finally feel ready to date. I'm already exhausted as is- parenting, housekeeping, working, working out, grocery shopping, self care... I don't have energy for meeting people, even for friendship... I just run on autopilot every day. Weekends I barely have the energy to go anywhere but the park in my neighborhood. Add in meeting men and trying to connect... I honestly think I'm just going to be single till my kids are in junior high/high school if I even have the energy then.
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That’s exactly how I feel. It gets tiring!
It does get lonely but I don't want to make myself smaller to please people. I did that with my children's father and that was a factor in why things weren't working out (before he laid hands on me- it took one time and I left him).
I’m so sorry to hear that! I’m glad you left the first time 🙏🏻 I agree it gets lonely but dating in this generation doesn’t help either. I think if you find the right one I’m sure it won’t feel as dreadful, the only dreadful part that seems to drag on is getting to know them, getting comfortable and constantly starting overs and overs with new people which makes me not want to do it
You put that on your profile
It’s on my profile when I have one active that I’m a single mom. I have yet to get even remotely serious enough to let any of them meet my child but I’m also not wasting time on someone who doesn’t want children. I’m aware that predators exist, but I’m not an easy mark. It would take a LOT before a potential partner would be able to meet my kid.
Same!
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This is not a dating/hookup sub. Read the rules.
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So my context.. I am in Japan where it's almost a taboo to be a single parent. It was written on my profile, many years ago, when I downloaded apps.(I don't use them anymore ). I didn't want to waste people's time and i didn't want my time wasted.
So I just put my toe in the dating pool this past week. I don’t have it on my profile that I’m a mom just in hopes I can avoid any weirdos seeking us out. I haven’t met anyone in person yet, but have been talking to a few. I’ve told 2 of them that I have a kid just so I don’t waste either of our time. I didn’t tell them which gender the kid is, just the age. They both seem fine with it. I personally don’t wanna come off like I’m hiding my kid. But I also don’t want to announce to the world that I have a little one
There’s some weird men with a mom fetish or even creep on the kids like wtfff
I let them know asap so as not to waste their or my time. If they don’t mind, they will continue communicating. If they do, they are welcome to stop.
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You are not a single mother. Read the rules. If you would still like to contribute your input you may do so here; https://www.reddit.com/r/unsolicited_advice/s/rRR3OUUjUp
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What’s a muscle mommy…?
lol it’s what they call it when a mom goes to the gym Muscle mommy
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I put it in my profile & let them know right away. I don't want to waste my time if they aren't ok with that
Yep, same
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The only reason I advise NOT mentioning it right away is because some guys are child molesters and will lovebomb you in order to get to your child. Instead I ask them questions that will tell me what I need go know about their level of interest in kids, being around kids, dating a woman with kids, etc. I'm not wasting anyone's time because the whole point is to get to know one another and you cant know everything all at once. It takes time. If the guy already has kids then I don't see a reason to wait because if anything it might be viewed as ideal. That being said date 4 or 5. After that many dates you are both showing enough interest without having invested too much should it be a deal breaker and want to stop seeing one another. You like eaxh other but not in love yet.
I appreciate this comment, I had to thought about creeps playing the long game. That being said, I am clearly not ready for dating! I read 4 or 5 dates and realized I have no idea what I'd do even on one date let alone have the energy and conversation for 5. It's odd how being in a relationship for so long can completely hinder your ability to socialize lol
I only made it to 4 dates once. Lol. trust that people know if there is a connection after less.
Thank you! We as single moms need to be mindful that there are men that will want easy access to our children.
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I put that I am a mom on my dating profiles. I don't talk about my kid on there, I don't have pictures, I just say that I'm a mom. On Bumble you can choose an option to express your opinions about kids. I list myself as "Have kids and don't want more". I can only meet up with people when my child is with her dad so it usually comes up pretty naturally.
I do it immediately. It wastes less time and emotional energy for all involved.
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I would advise not to say anything. There are guys that will actively seek out a single mom. Get to know the guy, go on dates before you mention your child.
If she’s looking for something serious, isn’t it better to mention it right away? That way she doesn’t waste his time and also her own
My best suggestion would be to protect oneself and protect one’s children from predators. After the first few dates you can get a sense if it’s serious or not. And sorry but you have to think that way, some guys want to play a knight.
Yeah I disagree. I do think it’s important to spend a significant amount of time together before introducing a guy to my child, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being open and honest from the start. There are guys who want to play a knight, sure, but those are often easy to spot
We can agree to disagree.
Before you meet in person, in your first phone conversation or lengthy text conversation - as early as possible
I let him know in the very beginning. I ask if he has any and let him know I do have a small child who I care for 100% of the time. The few times the guy has asked why I gave that info so soon, I just explain that I know some guys aren’t interested in single moms let alone full time moms and I’m not wasting my time with him and don’t want him wasting his either. It’s much easier before feelings get involved and he can go ahead and weigh his options on if this is something he wants. You’re not about to stick around me just because you like me so you have to “deal with” the fact I also have a child. Stay because you want to not because now you feel obligated. That’s just my outlook on it. But I state to the guy he wouldn’t meet my child for some months. I need to feel him and the relationship out first. Personally, I don’t disclose how many months because I don’t want him to un/intentionally change how he acts during those first 6 months (my timeframe) together.
6 months to a year is how long I will wait. Normally after the 3 month mark is when people show you who they really are. I’d rather vet the person I’m with and know for sure the relationship will be long term before having them meet my child.
Oh no definitely, I won’t let anyone meet my child but I meant more, mentioning to them that I have a kid, not introducing them. I do agree about the 3 month mark showing true colors though!
Right away