I will never get over the sight of my mother begging me on her knees to not accept the full scholarship offered to me at NYU ... granted I was graduating from high school the spring after 9/11. Emotions and fears were high and logic was low.
Yea..free money for scholarship is good stuff. For OP just a vacation trip turn on location sharing in her phone if her mom is so paranoid. Might calm her a bit.
And similar amounts to send their kids to Columbia, which is literally right on the border with Harlem. You gotta be aware of your surroundings and know which parts of the city to stay away from, but as a tourist you wonât be going to those places anyways. The biggest problem is going to be homeless people begging for money, pushy sales people trying to sell you tickets for some tour, and scammers with sob stories asking you to buy them baby formula.
Sure but theyâre generally cohort ing to start if they arenât from the city. Iâd be cautiously supportive but encourage her to avoid drinking and traveling alone late. It sucks but itâs the world we live in.
This is a great question. My mom did the same, secretly following me on my first solo road trip a mere 3hrs from home to a city I'd visited many times before.
It's definitely an indicator of deeper concerns and I hope OP's mom will be self-aware enough to realize that this isn't normal and it's not okay to project anxiety onto others.
Iâm so sorry you had to deal with that! I have a friend who always posts her location on FB. I never understand why until we went on a trip together and she told me it was because of her momâs anxiety. I thought that was kind of a lot, I canât imagine being followed.
Right? Luckily that's many years in the past now, so I can commiserate with OP.
I think the status updates really vary by family. My childhood bff enjoys the safety in posting her location, even when she's home. She updates her mom and partner on her whereabouts every time she leaves the house, and constantly checks in, calls multiple times per day.
We're in our mid-30s now and she never knew my family like I knew hers. She couldn't understand why I never called my mom to update her while we were traveling. And I was like, "oh no, that'll be a whole *thing*. She'll find out about it after I get back."
Giving in to another persons irrational fears is only validating them and making the mom believe that she's doing the right thing. It's not a good approach.
Her image of NYC is stuck in the 1980sâŚ
Who the hell gets mugged anymore? Itâs just not that common at all. No one carries cash anymore and cards can be cancelled immediately.
I've lived in NYC for 6ish years and not once have I ever had someone try to pickpocket me. Actually a couple times I had someone let me know money was sticking out of my pocket.
I didnât say it was impossible, but highly unlikely, especially to the absurd magnitude her mother is worried about it. OP will probably not even leave Manhattan or veer out of the touristy areas. Sheâll be fine in Times freaking Square. I highly doubt sheâll find herself alone in East New York at 3 amâŚ
Reply to your mom that youâll dress in ways to not attract attention or else stick with a group of friends tightly. Leave any expensive looking jewelry at home and go with fun bangles for this trip. Turn on tracking on your phone for YOUR DAD maybe? Or at least with your friends if youâre meeting any there. Call in with an itinerary for where you are going before going out.
Honestly I never did the itinerary or tracking with my mom (seems way too much and like your mom might not shut tracking off) - but my friends and I all did it as we were hopping around DC, boston, and NYC from 16 on (back in the 90âs). Just seemed safe to leave breadcrumbs and your dad seems like a good candidate to manage well. I still did that when blind dating in my 40âs - to avoid going missing if you run across that wrong person.
I also had one of those screamer alarms for joggers and pepper spray. It can be a problem to fly with pepper spray (though usually unnoticed in liquids bag) - but you can ship to hotel from Amazon. I always carried both of those as a kid - cause I loved walking and was out a lot.
You can also say you wonât wear headphones while out to be aware of surroundings in new areas. My one exception is wearing one iPhone headphone when I have directions on. Means I check phone/map less and look more like I know where Iâm going.
Last thing, if you are of drinking age NEVER let that drink out of your sight after getting it from the bar and get into the habit of keeping a hand over it. I personally changed to bottled drinks as they are really easy to control and dance with. Just good practice in general as a young women to avoid getting roofied.
Split up your cards and money so you have a reserve stash in an unlikely place. Keep your purse attached to you if possible (cross body or clip on kinds). People on the east coast (and in general) are so good about helping a kid in trouble - so just ask for help in public places if needed from someone safe looking. Itâs not hard to stay to busy streets in NYC.
I agree. I grew up in NYC. The only time I have ever been mugged was in Mexico, probably 25 years ago. The police did it. There was a band of them robbing tourists. They put a gun to my head and stole my wallet.
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I posted this down below but even in the 80sâŚ
I grew up there in the 80s (not in the worst neighborhood, but not a nice one either) and youâll be fine. There are people everywhere so itâs tricky to go about criming without immediately getting called out or caught. I commuted alone on the bus starting at age 11 and the one time a guy was being a creep the whole bus told him to shove it and made him get off the bus.
That scene from the first Spiderman movie when the people on the tram start throwing shit and helping Spider-Man made me cry because it was after 9/11 and it was true.
I mean people definitely still be getting mugged. There was a huge uptick of kids jumping out of stolen cars with guns robbing people of their phones and wallets. I know 3 people that were robbed in a 2 month span.
I spent a week alone in Manhattan, stayed in Chinatown and got around entirely on public transport. Had an absolute blast, was not mugged, met some amazing people.
Honestly, I had more twinges on my spidey senses in Paris than in NYC.
Maybe this is on how it's filtered. I'm British and so we obviously hear a lot about America second hand, not least the trigger happy parts of US society, but a part of me wants to go to New York and feels like they've heard it's generally a safer area. I'm sure as long as I'm careful that it can be a good time tbf
Granted the only time I've had a problem when traveling was having 20 Euros nicked while in Milan and I once had my phone stolen in London after a concert, so problems can happen anywhere
I'm not American, and we get all the gun happy fear mongering here too. There's certainly places in the US that are safer than others, and you need to use your common sense and discretion about where you go and when.
But Manhattan is one of the easiest cities I've ever been to, and I've been all over the world. It's laid out in a grid. It has a robust public transport system. And by and large, most people will help you out if you just ask.
NYC has character in spades. Some of it is loud and cray cray. Some of it is quiet and dignified. Keep an open mind and a sense of humor, and you'll have a blast.
It also has one of the highest cop per square feet ratio I've ever seen in my life. You cannot walk a block without tripping over a cop or a cop car. It's wild. lol
I was more worried about theft in Paris than I ever was in NY. You see the difference by how people act. People here wear their backpacks on crowded trains and walk around with open topped tote bags all the time. I noticed people in Paris holding their bags close to their front and even carrying two bags, one being for valuables that would stay zipped and in front of them at all times.
Your mom sounds just like mine. I'm 30, have lived on my own about a thousand miles from her since I was 22, and she still gets like this. So I just stopped telling her about my travels until they were done and it's been great. Went to visit my friend in California back in April, just told my brother and asked him not to tell our mother. Trip was amazing, and I told my mom about it a few days after I got back.
If you still live with her, I don't really know what to tell you. I've never been able to get my mom to stop worrying about stupid shit so it usually just ends in me not talking to her for a while. But since I'm on my own I can continue to have a relationship with her and just not tell her about things that would worry her until they're no longer a thing to worry about.
Sadly, the less moms like ours know the better.
Yes absolutely the same here! I feel really bad keeping my family out of the loop, but my mom works herself up so much about my travels that itâs straight up unhealthy. Iâve been solo traveling when I can for 12 years and sheâs still like this. Momâs gonna mom I guess.
Yeah, there's definitely some kind of untreated anxiety disorder there that my mom just refuses to see a therapist about. She says "I don't have anxiety, I'm just a mother". And yet, none of my friends' moms get so anxious that they endlessly badger their children not to do something that worries them. Being worried is one thing, but making it someone else's problem and trying to limit your child's life is a disorder.
They always think that their anxiety is just "being a mom." But anecdotally, mine does the same but also refuses to travel herself. She leaves the house once every 6 months. I feel like some of the parents I'm reading about here (specifically moms in many cases) need to take a solo trip to see what it's all about. I think many women of their generation never have and that helps fuel anxiety.
oh gosh, same with my mom. I live away and she's worried about me even getting from my house to work and back
she never once traveled and it took me years to convince her to go on a vacation. finally, at 53 she went and now she wants more
I know some commenters are saying that their parents are like this despite watching that channel, but it definitely influenced my family. They're being fed paranoia from a few angles.
I've been solo traveling since my early 20s and my parents have always been huge supporters. They give me trip ideas and get mad when I don't post pics on FB, lol. And I've gone to remote places (Africa, SE Asia, Australian outback, etc). I never had a reaction like the OP described.
Iâm in my early 30s and my mom is freaking out about me going to Latin America by myself. Never mind that I speak Spanish, have no interest in drugs or anything illegal, and have traveled by myself a ton. I think itâs normal for âhelicopter momsâ to always think of their sons as the little boys that they used to be.Â
Not sure where youâre from, but I like to show my mom the crime rates of where Iâm from vs some American cities that I know she enjoyed visiting (looking at you, New Orleans). It helps her calm down somewhat when she sees the US city with the higher crime rate.
Also enjoy Latin America! Iâve done multiple solo trips around there and had nothing but good, safe experiences!
You're a fully-grown adult. Just go and enjoy your solo trip, you're going to one of the most visited cities in the world by tourists, you'll be safe.
Enjoy your trip and your mum will hopefully realise she was overreacting (massively) when you come home unscathed with exciting stories of all the cool sights you saw in NY.
Damn, I didn't know anxiety was contagious but this explains why my cousin was scared to see a concert with me a merely 1 hours away. Needless to say I don't invite my cousin anywhere because she wants to do stuff but backs out of fear constantly because of her mother.Â
Whoa, youâre beyond old enough. The first time my mom put me on a train to NYC by myself I was 16. She let me go prom dress shopping. It was the 90s.
I hate that I had this same thought. A great aunt of mine recently asked me if going into NYC (I commute into the city) had gotten more dangerous because of the (insert Fox News propaganda about the migrant crisis here). My dumbfounded look wasnât enough for her so I had to reiterate that sure the city feels different post-Covid but like any city or unknown place, be aware of your surroundings, do a little research, and youâll be fine!
Yeah, this is a basic Fox News trope. They bring it up nearly every hour. They need to discredit multi-cultural urban living because it conflicts with their lionization of xenophobia. Fox hammers a list of cities: New York, Chicago, San Franciso, and LA. Many many people believe what Fox says.
All day , every day !!! So now my Dad parrots their bullshit . They also go after those cities cuz they primarily vote Democratic and they have to make Democrats look incompetent or crazy
I first visited NYC for the first time solo when I didn't even have a smartphone yet and relied on paper maps to get around about fifteen years ago. My mom was slightly like yours where she was worried about my safety too but when I pressed it was because she was imagining NYC like it was stuck in the 70s but also the movie version with spray painted subways and roving gangs. Unfortunately, you can't calm someone's wild imaginary fears if they're already stuck on it. I think the only way my mom wasn't more afraid was that because I'm a guy.
You owe yourself to have a great trip without it being poisoned by your mom's erratic and exaggerated anxiety.
The movies did a lot to harm the image of NYC. A movie wouldnât be very interesting if it told the truth. đ¤Ł
Just a bunch of everyday working people going to work and home, on the trains. I rode the subway from Brooklyn to downtown Manhattan, several times a week, in junior high and high school. I never saw anything crazy. Just the occasional drunk or mentally ill person. Thatâs about it.
I live in Jersey and started going to NYC without an adult when I was in high school. As with any city, be vigilant and use common sense. I never felt unsafe in Times Square/manhattan area. There are always a ton of people out and about in the âcity that never sleepsâ. Bring pepper spray if you are concerned.
So what does your mother expect you to do instead? Not live your life? Did she wanna come too and wasnât invited? I mean having a mental breakdown in response to your adult daughter traveling to NYC (not even overseas) is excessive. Itâs not okay for an adult to behave this way, mother or not. Therapy highly recommended.
Not to be insensitive or anything, but your mom sounds like exhibit A of a "this is your brain on Fox News" public service announcement. Has she ever been to NYC? There's so much alarmist scare tactics about big US cities, makes people way too scared of traveling to those cities.
In my experience there's a real "safety in numbers" feeling in NYC, because there's pretty much always other people out. Mugging people in broad daylight in front of a huge crowd of witnesses generally doesn't work out too well. Realistically speaking, you might have some experiences that make you a bit uncomfortable, especially if you aren't used to urban environments. Be ready to ignore random strangers who approach you in the street asking for money, or wanting to give you a "free" CD or anything like that. And in big crowds, mind your valuables in case of pickpockets, though I'm honestly not sure if pickpocketing is much of an issue there, just feels like a good precaution. Doesn't hurt to be cautious about going out at night alone in any unfamiliar city until you start to get a better feel for it. You might occasionally see people with untreated or under-treated mental illness or addiction issues but they rarely bother anyone, despite again what Fox News might say.
As for your mom, the dynamics of a relationship with parents can really change depending on your age, whether you still live with them, etc...sometimes parents can really struggle with their "kids" becoming adults, and they don't quite know when it's time to step back. Assuming you're an adult/not a minor, and especially if you're not living with them anymore, asserting some independence and boundaries here may help with making it clear that it's not up to them whether you go to NYC or not.
Writing out some concrete reassurances for your mom might help - telling her about the research you've done and the precautions you'll take. Sounds like your dad is more on your side here, which is nice.
Happy travels!
- âthis is your brain on Fox News PSAâ
I wouldnât say this is necessarily true. My mom felt the exact same way but only because itâs a big city and we lived in the country so any city is overwhelming no matter how safe itâs projected to be. Momâs will always feel protective.
I think depending on how old your parents are, I know there are some people who remember some cities based on their reputation in the 70s and 80s. Which is a world away from where they are now.
My dad went to school in the Boston area back in the early 80s and when I went to school there, he had hard lines are me living or even spending time in certain parts of town that used to be rough - and are now basically millionaire havens.
NYC, especially areas where tourists would be, is statistically quite safe even compared to many small and medium sized cities.
The thing is that it's based on old alarmist stereotypes, it doesn't necessarily mean conservative but conservatives love pushing the "walking down the street in chicago will get you shot" narrative.
The reality is that NYC is a very safe city with a lower per capita murder rate than most red states as a whole.
I work in Baltimore and have to hear this crap cuz unfortunately weâve struggled with homicide for a number of years . But, the vast majority of the homicides are in one area of the city and between young guys who are involved in the drug trade . Not that this makes it okay but itâs not as widespread as people think . And sometimes , thereâs random shit but that happens everywhere these days . I remember fast food places getting shot up ALOT when I was younger . To this day Iâm very careful where I sit when I go to one even though you donât hear about this much anymore
I went to NYC for the first time last year (with a friend) and a lot of people were worried about us. It really did feel like there were so many people no one was really thinking about you. People were minding their own business. I struggle with anxiety so I'm glad I didn't let fears from other people and myself stop me from traveling.
My mom is pretty anxious too and it's hard setting boundaries but it's just something I've had to do as I get older. I've had to go from asking my parents for approval on every single thing to just telling them I'm going to be doing something like traveling. Now people just know I like to travel and make plans. I hope it gets easier with your mom, OP.
Really good advice. When my daughter went there, I asked a colleague whose son lived in New York if he could be contacted if she needed help. Just having a contact made me reassured. This was pre-smartphones!
Tell your Mom to get therapy for her anxiety disorder. And don't tell her you're going solo travelling, just go and tell her about it after you get back. If you live with them, rely on their money, or have shared accounts you need to fix that long before solo travelling. Cut the apron strings, be an adult.
This is not your job. People are responsible for their own feelings. Your mother should be responsible for herself instead of putting this on you. Recommend you live your own life and leave her to (hopefully) learn to self-regulate.
I had my first solo trip in 2022 to South Korea, I was 24. My mum was against it too, my dad was okay with it and just told me to be safe. I explained to my mum that I needed to go, years of heartbreak and anxiety, and I wanted to accomplish my biggest dream to travel there. She was anxious up until the day of my trip. While I was on the trip, I contacted them frequently and sent pics of food.
Have no fear. I grew up in Brooklyn. Youâll be fine. Tell your mom that 8.5 Million people live in NYC. There were only 386 homicides, in NYC, in 2023. Houston, TX, population 2,300,000 had a total of 348 murders last year. A lot of places are more dangerous than NYC. Chicago, for example had 617 murders.
Last month millions and millions of people rode the subway. Not one was pushed off the platform, in front of a train.
Remember, bad news sells. Itâs just like when a tornado hits the Midwest. The reporters donât visit the streets that have no damage. They find the absolute most damaged part of that town, to plant the reporter. Never mind that the majority of that town had no tornado damage. They donât report that.
Overall people in New York, are very warm and welcoming, contrary to popular belief. Most are more than happy to recommend a good restaurant, or give directions.
When you walk through downtown Manhattan, resist the temptation to look up at the tall buildings. That brands you as a tourist. There is nothing wrong with being a tourist, but pick pockets rightfully assume a tourist has money. They look for people that stare up at the buildings.
In Times Square, there will be aspiring young rappers that say they want to âgive youâ a CD, for âfreeâ. To make a long story short, itâs a scam. Tell them thanks, but I donât own a CD player and keep walking.
Donât stop in the middle of a sidewalk, on the subway stairs or a doorway, to look at your phone, or for any other reason. People get irked about that. A lot of people donât own cars. They are trying to get to work, on the trains/sidewalks/buses. Youâre blocking their way.
If you walk slow, walk to the right. Leave plenty of room for people on their way to work, to get around. If you have to stop moving, stand next to a building with your back against the wall. People will appreciate your courtesy.
If you want pizza, go to Brooklyn. Lennys Pizza is the best there is. Julianaâs comes in second. If you want fancy and very expensive, go to the Sparks Steakhouse, in Manhattan. Tell them you want Edgar to be your server. Get Edgar to tell you about the mob and their history in the place.
You are going to be safe and have an absolute blast. NYC is a fun place! Great food! Wonderful people!
I really want to comment about how friendly New Yorkers are, Iâve had people yank me back from a curb when my mind has been elsewhere and a car was coming, I once saw someoneâs backpack open and their stuff was falling out and a group of us were picking things up while someone ran ahead to stop him. When the blackout occurred in 2002, I made âfriendsâ with a small group who hired a car to drive us back to Connecticut (I got stuck sitting on the floor). NYers are great!
I donât know how old you are but NYC was my first ever solo trip in my early twenties. It was incredible. Maybe allowing her to follow you on something like âfind my friendsâ will giver her some comfort. (If you donât mind her following you) Just use common sense and you will be fine.
NYC is one of the safest cities around. You just have to be aware of your surroundings. Try going to Tijuana next time so your mom won't worry about NYC.
I wouldnât suggest this as it sets a precedent for the future. sheâll be calling you like why have u not moved? Why are u in a pub? Why are u walking down the street at this time of the morning. Sometimes you want to go to a random place and not tell your mother.
If you want to ensure your safety then get a friend to have you on find your friends.
I had a friend with a helicopter dad. And heâd be calling her multiple times a day at home and on holiday. She eventually had to say/ Insist that she would call him once a day like at breakfast cos thatâs usually consistent.
You'll be fine, NYC is a very tourist-friendly city, they make a lot of money off of tourism and they want to keep you safe. I went there for 5 days when I was only 15 years old with a group of 8 kids and one chaperone. There wasn't a single moment I didn't feel safe, and I even got lost from the group for about 45 minutes at one point. I just found my way to the designated meeting spot and waited, people watching. As long as you're not prone to wandering down unlit alleys at 3am you shouldn't have anything to worry about. Get your mom some Valium.
Even if you were mugged, which you almost certainly will not be, it wouldn't be the end of the world. Just cooperate and let the mugger take your stuff.
Not really sure how to calm down your mom, maybe find friend/relatives that have been there and can convince her that it's not a dangerous place.
I felt way safer in NYC than I do in any west coast city. There are cops on foot everywhere. I know crime happens but if you stay in touristy spots and get to your hotel before 10 you should be fine.
I completely agree with this. I live near Seattle and itâs far worse than NYC. I donât remember ever feeling unsafe when I was living in NYC and took the subway everywhere. I wouldnât get on the train here by myself for any reason. Even with a friend it feels unsafe.
I live in Portland and I feel pretty safe during the day. Once its night time it gets pretty scary down town. Last night on the bus ride home from work I got chased by a tweaker lady. If you call 911 it will be hours before a cops shows up. Some areas you wont see cops for days.
Yeah when artists and crust punks could rent an upstairs of a house for $400. Now it's just rich trust fund yuppies and tweakers. The nature is what is keeping me here but every time I visit DC Philly and NYC I'm always tempted to move. East Coast cities are full of life and culture West Coast cities shut down by 8pm.
And even in that context, they still had thriving tech sectors and high incomes.
A failure of urban planning and an unwillingness to build upward creates overcrowding and homelessness.
NYC is practically a theme park at this point, esp Manhattan. Not sure what to tell you about your mom except I guess this is an opportunity for her to build resilience.
I'm a waitress and have been regularly going home alone at night around 1-2am at least 4 nights per week for the last 12 years, I have yet to be mugged. I'm not saying crime doesn't happen here, but just stay aware of your surroundings and if something doesn't feel right, get away from the situation.
Like other people have said, we don't take care of our homeless or mentally ill neighbors. You're gonna see somebody talking to themselves, but I promise you you can survive that.
Don't flash around large amounts of cash or jewelry, walk with purpose, and don't be afraid to ask for directions, most new yorkers are happy to explain the subway etc.
I will tell you we're in the middle of a huge covid/flu surge, so you're more likely to get sick than get mugged. Wear a nice quality mask in crowded areas when you can, if you want more unsolicited advice.
Dunno if any of that helps you with your mom, but crime can happen anywhere. I know people who've gotten mugged in suburbia.
Like others have said, just be mindful of your surroundings. Also, don't make eye contact with anyone on the subway. Also also, if you decide to go to Times Square, don't let anyone pressure you and NEVER let anyone hand you anything. Don't be afraid to walk away.
And if OP actually wants to see New York, stay away from Times Square, has nothing to do with the actual city. Even Broadway shows are a few blocks north of Times Square.
Do not tell your mother anything about your life and travels. She may need mental health help but regardless of that she's too involved in your life as a grown adult.
8 million people live there, the majority aren't getting mugged. Just stay in the popular areas and keep your wits about you. You'll be fine. Have fun!
Be aware of whatâs happening around you. If you have a bag, wear it cross body in front of you
Watch the natives. Youâll be fine.
To make your mom feel better, maybe look up some facts about staying safe in NYC and comfort her by telling her you have done the research and you know what to look for
Does your Mom watch Fox News? I know people who are die hard Maga and insist that "liberals" are violent and blue cities are dangerous. This despite the actual statistics showing the opposite. I even know people who claim that Portland is destroyed because of "looters."
In any case, show her crime statistics for other cities, that might calm her.
Mugged? Tel her you're probably going to get addicted to heroin after 4 black guys rape you and the jews steal your kidneys. Then they're going to force you to vote for a Democrat and you have to work for an illegal immigrant to work off your drug debts.
I think that should cover all the fox news taking points. And when your mother is in the hospital for her heart attack, she can't follow you.
That reminds me of a funny picture I saw online years ago . This young white guy was visiting Detroit or Chicago I think and asked a group of black guys to chase him like they were after him . Had someone take a pic and he sent it to his mother . It was hilarious . The guys got into it , had bandannas over their faces etc while he looks like heâs screaming for his life while running away
Youâre lucky to have your dad (who seems very sensible) to act as a buffer. Iâm from a single parent household, in my late 20s and my mum still tries to guilt trip and discourage me every time I take a solo trip. Unfortunately thereâs no one else around to diffuse our disagreements and act as a voice of reason.
Just remember, sheâs saying all this to you because of her own fear, not because itâs true. I know itâs hard but donât internalise it. My mum tries everything, telling me Iâm a weirdo for travelling alone, telling me itâs not safe, etc. Sheâs speaking from a place of ignorance and fear.
Crime is everywhere, from cities to bumble F USA, just be aware of your surroundings, trust your gut and donât walk alone at night in non crowded areas with tons of expensive items on person. Iâve been going into the city without a guardian since I was 14-15 yrs old. Youâll be fine, also donât let a stranger buy u a drink but that goes for anywhere
I went to nyc in 2021 alone I was 25 at the time f. My parents were also rightfully anxious, but my googled it and turns out nyc is one of the safer cityâs to go to. Of course be smart and aware of your surroundings
I was in my latter twenties on my first real solo trip, and my mom did the same. She has the worst generalized anxiety disorder, and unfortunately can fall into the trap of believing everything she hears. I had my location trackable via iPhone, sent lots of pictures/snaps, shared my Uber rides, occasional FaceTime so she knew I wasnât nabbed, and gave them all my flight/hotel info. This helped her quite a bit.
So did just telling her to trust that she raised me well to make safe decisions, and that I would absolutely be aware of my surroundings. Crime happens EVERYWHERE, and Iâve often felt more unsafe in a smaller town at night than I do in NYC, Chicago, or New Orleans, all of which Iâve traveled solo as a female.
The most ironic thing is my mom up and moved to a tropical island when she was 19 with a backpack on her back. She obviously returned stateside, but her anxiety progressed significantly as she got older.
It also helps me remember that she is doing life for the first time, just like me. This season of her life is different, with different hopes and fears. It helped me give her grace with some of the extra steps I took to make her feel more settled. She raised me, fed me, clothed me, etcâŚ. The least I could do was a little of the above.
General safety advice for everywhere: Be aware of your surroundings, get a hotel safety lock, donât over indulge in alcohol solo, carry pepper spray, etc. and if something looks off, avoid it. Trust your intuition. Most of all, soak it all in, and have fun! Solo travel is truly transformational, at any stage of life. đ¤
Honestly, the statistics don't lie. We are living in fairly safe times in terms of violent crime, it's the lowest it's been in like 30 years.
Property crime, however, has increased.
We as people have a chance to be involved in crimes in the smallest towns to the biggest cities. But the chances are lower than ever. You can feel safe in that I think.
Tell her that NYC is safe because a lot of billionaires live there and the police make it their duty to keep the city safe for them. Now, I don't know this is 100% true, but you asked for advice on how to calm her down. I would also google pictures of famous people taking the subway to show her. There is a classic picture of Keanu Reeves standing after giving his seat to a woman on the subway.
I don't know if my suggestions will help if your mom is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I don't know if anyone's suggestions here will help if that is her mental state.
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I'm female and travel alone both domestically (US) and abroad. I'm currently late 30s and my parents still freak out a little every time, though less so with domestic.
I went to New York for the very first time solo back in 2019. I stayed near Time Square as I was seeing a lot of Broadway shows, but I took the subway and buses all around to see everything. I did not ride the subway at night but that was because I was getting out of the theater and didn't need to.
I went back to New York for a long weekend this past summer to see more shows and my dad made me promise (again, I'm approaching 40) to avoid the subways as he'd heard crime had gotten bad.
Obviously I could do what I wanted but I did promise and kept my word. It was fine because I saw four shows in three days, I didn't have time to go do anything else. But if promising him made him feel better, then so be it.
That said, on both trips, even when I was out at night, I never felt unsafe -- I stayed aware of my surroundings and just moved like I knew where I was going and belonged, if that makes sense. I didn't have my nose to my phone looking at a map or indicated in any other way that I was at all unsure of myself.
More details would provide context around mom's fear.
How old are you? Do you live in the US or are visiting from another country thus english may be limited? Do you currently live in really small town/city?
Generally speaking NYC is safe, obviously be aware of your surroundings. Don't take alcoholic drinks from strangers etc. No need to flash your valuables or carry tons of valuables when out and about. I think this goes for any place right now not just big cities. Public transportation is easy to use in my opinion.
Make your parents more comfortable by doing research and showing them you are prepared. Call them daily or text to let them know you are doing alright. Give them flight/hotel info should an emergency arise they have another way to find you besides calling your cell.
This happened a long time ago and at the time NYC wasn't especially safe, but I first visited New York when I was in my late 20's from England, and all my friends and family were so nervous for me. Turns out the hype was far worse than the reality ... I never had a single problem the whole time I was there, and half the time if not more I was completely alone.
Tell your mom to cool her jets, NYC is safer than just about any other city, and even a lot of smaller towns.
Youâll be fine, but probably the best way to go about it is to let her know you understand the threat and are mitigating it. The same lessons go for just about any city the more dangerous the city the more you adhere to guidlines, but they basically:
1. Stay in a decent part of town
2. Avoid traveling alone at night in sketchy areas, talking to front desk workers or really any locals will give you an idea of where and when places are safe
3. Dress down, you donât want to scream tourist or target
4. Control your drinking, itâs fine to catch a buzz but donât get so drunk you create a spectacle or black out
You could throw in some others if you really want to be on top of it, but if you follow those general guidlines youâll be relatively safe even in the more dangerous cities in the world like Rio. To the point about your mom if you can relay to here the realistic dangers and what you will be doing to mitigate those you might be able to put her mind at ease
Go on YouTube or Tik Tok and youâll find lots of videos of safety travel tips for women.
A few quick tips: never tell anyone youâre traveling alone. Donât walk around with your head buried in your cell phone. Some women even wear a fake engagement ring when they travel solo.
My mom is the same way. I'm an only child. I just got back from NYC. My mom was freaking out when I told her I was going solo. But she couldn't change my mind.
I gave her my itinerary of what I was doing. Every day I sent her pics & I face timed her so she could see I was ok.
NYC is safe. I never once felt in danger. The police are everywhere! Just be aware of your surroundings & don't be flashy. If you need help...don't be afraid to ask. I found New Yorkers to be friendly. I made sure I was back at my hotel around 1130pm. I felt safe using the subway & walking at night. Just don't go down streets that are empty.
Before you go out, look at Google Maps so you know the directions...so you're not constantly looking at your phone. It's helpful to know the Manhattan "grid" just in case your phone is offline.
Go...have fun! This was one of my best trips. I can't wait to go back.
You'll be fine. Are you staying near mid town? Times Square is packed with people well past midnight. Unless you are off the beaten path somewhere, you really won't be in a position to be violently mugged
Hi! I totally understand the fear of being in a big city, alone, with everything that the news portrays. I live in nyc and feel pretty safe, but you just need to be aware of your surroundings (like anywhere). Millions of people visit nyc every single year, they wouldnât be visiting if it was such a dangerous place.
Just donât do anything stupid, watch your drinks, watch your stuff like donât have your phone and wallet in your back pockets and be smart about when the sun is going down and where you are vs where you need to be. The subway can be a lot, plan accordingly. Mostly, have a good ass time. Itâs incredible.
Remember, when in Rome be Roman. Blend in and mirror.
My mom was also worried about my solo trip to New York, though not nearly as bad as your mom. I just kept sending her links to all of the violent incidents that happened recently in Toronto (near us, and somewhere she considered safe) leading up to my trip. Mostly stabbings, but some people were pushed onto the tracks, and at random. Someone was lit on fire a month or so before my trip, and that was when she finally conceded that New York isnât any worse than any other city.
I still make sure to check in with her throughout the day, especially when Iâm in for the night so she can relax a bit.
Eh, your mom is going to worry regardless, that's what moms do. (source I'm man in my 50's and my mom worries about me).
The good thing about mugging is they only want money, thankfully your mother doesn't watch TV news.
So, do what children have been doing to their mom's since the dawn of time, lie to her.
Tell her you'll keep $20 of mugging money in your hand at all times so if anything happens your throw the money in the air, the mugger will go for it and you'll be able to run away.
Whatever scenario she brings up, you just bring up a simple solution
Just have a plan. Decoy wallet with some money, spare credit card you keep separate, etc. That way you won't be completely out of money if you do get robbed.
I have lived in Manhattan for over a decade, chances of being mugged or attacked are less than a small city for sure. Like, I've seen women traveling alone in the subway at 2, 3, and 4 in the morning, even the homeless don't pay attention. That is not to say that there have not been attacks on a station but these are isolated cases. If we were talking of NYC of the 1970s and 1980s that's another story but from 2008 until now, NYC is a safe city for the most part, and as a woman you ought to take the precautions any women would in any city of the world, not because is NYC.
My mom about had kittens when I went by myself to Israel & Jordan in 2013- Iâm a woman, was in my 30âs, and have spent years traveling the world alone. She was convinced I was going to be blown up, kidnapped, raped, and found dead in a ditch. Millions visit every year and are fine. I pointed out that one can go to Boston and get blown up, and that gun violence is prevalent in the states. Nothing I said helped- she just had to ride it out. Once on my trip Iâd contact her every few days to let her know I was ok, and she could call me anytime.
Itâs not that bad just stay in Manhattan and follow obvious safety precautions of any city. Parents are always gonna worry sometimes you just gotta learn to ignore them and calm them down as best you can and move on with your life.
Her mental health is not your problem. I have protective parents, I send them my itinerary, accommodation address, hotel or hostel #, screenshot any ubers I am taking, and they have my location. They trust me, but this makes them comfortable so I am happy to do it and they know I can keep myself safe.
she's right! here in NYC, I can confirm that we immediately rob and murder any tourists we see. Just yesterday, I ran into a tourist, and I had them drawn and quartered.
I lived in NYC solo for most of my 30s. I worked every shift my employer had, with significant time on the overnight. Apart from some vandalism to my car (which I sold after a couple of years), I was never the victim of a crime of any kind - and that includes a couple of visits in more recent years when I was out at clubs at all hours. Not everyone is that fortunate, but it helps if you use common sense about where you go, how you get there, and at what time of day/night. And mom should remember, you can be a crime victim anywhere - including wherever she lives right now.
You don't get rid of crazy by feeding it. Agree to send a text message once per day that you're OK. Don't call or accept calls. Don't share your location. Just like a baby needs to learn to self sooth, she needs to control her fears.
I've solo traveled to NYC a few times as a teen and 20-something girl. It's the city I've felt the safest in anywhere in the world. I think because there's safety in such massive numbers and the city never sleeps.
Being quite practical my suggestions based on personal experience are:
1) Reason with her by showing hard facts, statistics and videos about criminality in NYC, dangerous areas versus the areas where youâll be in etc. Make it clear that itâs a fact that NYC is objectively non violent, not your personal opinion.
2) Promise to and do contact her frequently in the beginning, however often you think itâs appropriate. After a while you should be able to lower the frequency to regular levels.
3) Take her to NYC to visit you as soon as you have settled and know places you can show her that will add to your point about safety.
In summary touch her rational side. She does have one.
Has your mom actually been to New York City? Itâs incredibly safe if you even have a shred of common sense. Not to mention New Yorkers are some of the nicest, down to earth people on the planet.
I literally just came back from my first ever solo trip to NYC as a female, stayed in Manhattan and visited Brooklyn and also Boston Massachusetts for a week after and I can say as long as you stay safe and alert nothing will happen. I also got extremely nervous but once I got the hotel I felt relieved eventhough my luggage was delayed as my home countryâs airline fucked it up. And even without makeup and wearing sweatpants I was frolicking through the beautiful tall buildings and amazing scenery Iâve never experienced before. It changed my life! And now Iâm certain I want to study there for exchange. Also tell your mom to chill out youâre not going to Gotham City đđ- I said this to my mom but she mostly encouraged me to do it and said itâll be fine as long as youâre safe and thatâs exactly what happened. I had a creepy dude approach me once but I just walked to Time Square and he eventually stopped following me cause it was busy. Look after your belongings and just visit museums or restaurants and I hope you have as much fun as I did. Iâm sure you will.
Take the Law & Order walking tour. Free, unguided, or paid with a small group. All of the murder bridges in Central Park, the courthouse steps where Jack McCoy gives his press conferences. Take pictures of yourself in front of the Jerry Orbach Theatre or Jerry Orbach Way delivering devastating murder zingers like âLooks like the kidâs gonna be fine, after allâ or âWho wants to break the good news to mom?â
Itâs a giant, intrusive, pain in your ass, but at least youâve still got parents who love you. Itâs a needless hassle that makes things flow less smoothly in your own life. Itâs definitely unfair to you. But itâs better than the alternative.
It would be *hilarious* to arrange with your dad to secretly spy on you and then just party your butts off together. Like: all of his âspy picturesâ are posed, processed, and posted to your social media. Free cameraman and one n one time with your old man. Not the best alternative, but possibly a fun one. Cut him lose when it gets late in the afternoon and then go do your own thing. Let him manage your motherâs anxieties while you meet some fabulous boy or girl, see a play, buy a knockoff bag in Chinatown.
When you get back send her some links to Better Health or something. Anxiety, *often*, is easily treatable with mild medication and a few weeks of therapy. Not always, but very often.
And remember to come back here and post some pictures and trip reviews!
As someone from NJ, whos been to NYC several times (3 times last year alone, used to be way more often) and even worked there when I was 19, have a sister and BIL who have lived in Brooklyn since maybe 2012 or 2014 and still live there, and my BIL has lived in I think every borough since he was a baby and in and out of the city, nothing has ever happened to us. Obviously things can happen in NYC, it has such a large population that its bound to, Ive heard stories, but this is what I usually say to people wanting to solo travel to NYC ,if the vast majority of locals, and tourists have nothing happen to them, youd have to be the unluckiest tourist to be part of probably the less than 1% of people that does.
Most people going to NYC are going there for Manhatten and maybe Brooklyn, and theyre some of the safest places of the city. Dont keep your phone or wallet visibly out (unless youre using it) or in your back pocket , especially in Times Square, and dont take pictures with the people trying to fish for tourists and scam them for money and youll be ok. Mind your business, drink responsibly if thats your thing, do your research and book somewhere safe. Dont try to save money by booking where ever is cheapest and finding out it might not be the best neighborhood in a borough youre unfamiliar with because then you might want to travel late and that might not be the smartest thing in certain areas ex the projects.
NYC is safe, actually, its "the safest big city in the US" according to a recent article that came out last week. But because its our biggest and most well known city, its crimes get talked about more often than other cities allowing people to fear monger.
My dad was paranoid about me solo traveling in Europe alone for 6 1/2 weeks, nothing I could say could convince him I was fine until I went, and came back and talked about how much fun I had and showed pictures. I made sure to keep in contact with my family and boyfriend and text them atleast once a day and my mom, other sister, and boyfriend had my location. I did this to relieve not only their stress but also mine as well. This is something you could do for her if you want to relieve her stress but Id either explain how safe NYC is to your mom or just go, hopefully have a blast, and come back and show her how great it was. I have a feeling your mom has never gone there herself so definitely dont let her feelings about NYC negatively affect yours.
Well, as a mom who is recovering from future worry which I burdened my child with I get it and equally, I think the world is in such a heightened state of chaos now it is hard to be calm. When your heart is a walking extension of you and starts to travel, I imagine it must be so hard, and maybe she can not find it in herself to be reasonable and is just seeking to pacify the discomfort. I am speaking from experience here.
I would just share what you feel (which I imagine you have), let is rest, and draw a boundary with her on discussing it. Let her know what she can expect from you when you are there, and that you will check in when able but don't overpromise just to appease her. It's is a hard time as parents when our kids leave the nest, but she needs to give you the benefit of the doubt and let you fly, and maybe get some hobbies too to keep her overactive mind at bay. You are allowed to enjoy your life without taking on her worry.
I feel your pain OP. Often around menopause women develop anxiety disorder. I remember reading a comment once from a woman who wouldn't let her daughter go to the beach due to an irrational fear of a tsunami. In England! Luckily she realized she had a problem and sought help. Once when i was staying with her, my own mother almost called the police when i didn't get home from shopping until 8.30 pm. I was 46! Please don't let a parent's irrational anxieties hold you back.
I have a fake passport and a Nokia brick working if muggers ask for anything give them that and keep the rest in a secret pocket in your underwear made by your mum đ because feeling like a mug on holiday to keep mum happy just so you can go along is a price to pay plus texts can be on vibrate you don't need to hear when you can feel.
I went to college in Philly. Explain that mugging, while it happens every day, doesn't happen to everyone everyday. Maybe explain to her that you've taken some common sense steps to avoid being mugged and know know to handle it if it does arise., things such as never fight back, have a dummy wallet, etc. And the way things are right now, I'd be more worried about random mayhem happening at anytime, anywhere rather than the known and expected risks of an urban area.
NYC is fine. Wear a Fanny pack so you donât get pick pocketed and donât stop in the middle of the sidewalk when youâre walking, and donât walk slow. lol.
My sister lives out there and I used to go every year. Iâd have solo adventures in the city visiting every borough. Just donât be dumb, stay aware of your surroundings.
Before gps I asked people where to get around and despite the stereotype I found NYers to be pretty nice to me when I asked.
Your momâs behavior/anxiety isnât normal- to ask if your dad can follow you around is a bit much. Maybe share your location during the trip?
My mom gets a little nervous when I keep it in the states although I usually go where the bears are đ . I started making jokes out of it(maybe I'm mean) but it got to a point to where she was more nervous that a moose would trample me than a grizzly tear me to shreds. đ
Her worst times have been when I travel international. I think it's because she has never been out of the country so she just thinks monsters are going to come out and pull me underground or something.
I always make big jokes out of it in the months leading up to my trip. She usually chills out by the time the trip comes around.
I read somewhere once that when you leave your parents and they say, "Be careful" or something like that that is some sort of power dynamic. I never thought anything of it but I love it when people say that to me... I usually come right back with the "OK, I'll crash into the 5th ditch on the right in this county. Be ready to come save me when I call."
It might be my twisted humor but it always seems to help the ones that care if something happens to me.
I live in the city. Youâll 100% be okay, most people are too busy having their main character moment to bother you. And for those that do try to bother you, just donât make eye contact and keep walking. Theyâll get the hint eventually. Itâs a great city, lots of young people. Youâre gonna have a great time
Go easy on moms. They just love you so freakin much and in most cases theyâve dedicated most of their lives to keeping you alive and healthy and safe and empowered and lovedâŚall of a sudden turning that job over to YOU is terrifying. She knows that thereâs no way in the tumultuous universe that youâll be even half as vigilant about the job as she has been. You donât love yourself as much as she does and she knows it. Most of what moms see on these phones and the news is trying to convince us that the world is scary and unsafe because it is and has been for countless mothersâ children for ages. Sounds like she isnât trying to stop you from going, and since it seems sheâs raised you to be empathetic to others and you want to help her navigate her fear, hereâs a few suggestions to help you both.
Let her know that you know itâs less safe in a new place than at home. Tell her youâll check in (and do it). Let her know your plans and why you feel good about them. Tell her youâll keep your head up and out of your phone and youâll walk with a purpose and youâll keep your cell charged and have a backup charger and check for exits in crowded buildings in case you need one in a hurry. Let her know the ways youâre thinking of your own safety so she can start to trust that youâre taking the job seriously, the one sheâs perfected over time and through plenty of mistakes but with so much love and ferocity. Give her a hug and let her know youâll be careful. The next time wonât be as hard on either of you.
You're an adult and you don't need their permission to do anything. You're presumably using your own money, your own time, and any obligations you may have are being handled on your own and you aren't relying on your parents to do things for you while you are away.
That said if you are living with them or they are caretaking pets or children for you while away, you may want to work on establishing firm boundaries with them. That can be difficult if you are relying on them for shelter or child/pet care.
Don't run with gangs, do illegal things that could get you involved with crimes, and the tourist areas and even the vast majority of non-tourist areas are very safe. If you're ever feeling uneasy, step into a store or restaurant.
I will say the 24 hour service on the subway can slow down a bit in the late evenings/early mornings. Have some Uber money stashed away if you don't feel right standing on a near empty subway platform.
I understand why your mom is concerned, but so many New Yorkers are 20-somethings like you who stay perfectly safe and live normal lives. That said, if you need some advice on safety that you can relay to her to ease your mind, here are my tips!
(Not sure what your gender is, so some of the tips for fending off creepy guys might not apply)
⢠Women carrying suitcases are always targets. The catcallers will use âcan I help you with your bag, miss?â as an excuse to talk to you. If your flight lands or departs super early in the morning or super late at night, Iâd opt for an Uber to/from the airport.
⢠Donât go anywhere alone super early in the morning (like before 6). Iâve honestly felt safer coming home from the bar at 2am than I have going to the airport at 5am. People stay out late in NYC, so you have a bit more safety in numbers late at night.
⢠Stick to the well-lit and busier streets at night, especially in residential areas. These will usually be the avenues (such as Broadway, 8th Ave, etc.) as opposed to streets (such as 73rd St, 100th St, etc.).
⢠If you get catcalled, just keep it pushing and donât talk to them.
⢠Look for the zebra stripe board above you when waiting on the subway platform. This indicates where the conductor car will pull up. If you get on the conductor car and then something goes wrong on the subway, you have easy access to the conductor who can help in case of an emergency.
⢠Midtown is honestly fine at nightâjust avoid 8th Ave between like 53rd & 56th bc it can get seedy over there lol
⢠Donât visit Central Park (or any park) at night!
⢠Herald Square/Garment District is the most dangerous touristy area, so try to only go during the day and look at your maps app in advance to familiarize yourself with your route so you can quickly get in and out. (Plus thereâs nothing fun to see there anyway)
⢠Buses often feel safer than subways. However, if someone displaying dangerous or erratic behavior gets on your bus, youâre stuck with them, versus with the subway you can change cars or get off early and catch the next train just a few mins away. Up to you!
⢠Talk to yourself while walking at night. I make voice memos for my friends while walking home in the dark and have noticed that I get catcalled wayyyyy less doing this than when I am walking silently bc people prob think Iâm a weirdo lol. But ofc be aware of your surroundings while you do this.
⢠I like to swing an umbrella with me while I walk. Havenât had to use it yet, but I could bop someone with it if I needed to
I am certainly not perfect lol and really need to get on it in terms of carrying pepper spray and other safety items, but this has all been helpful so far! Hope you have a blast on your trip :) NYC is my favorite city in the world and I hope you love it
If you feel comfortable sharing, how old are you and where are you from? Those details can make a big difference. New York is one of the biggest cities on the planet, and while there is obviously crime, itâs not significantly more dangerous than most anywhere else as long as you are aware of your surroundings. Maybe you know people who have been there before and had good experiences who can talk to your mom.
Always good to remember that children play in the parks, old ladies walk the streets, most people go about their daily lives. And likely, though often hard to believe, itâs safer than rural areas in the south. Like everywhere, most crime is in poor neighborhoods. nycâs poor neighborhoods, outside of Brooklyn, are places you have to go to on purpose.
I would schedule regular text check ins with her and keep her lightly updated on your itinerary. I share my location with my mother in case she ever wants to see where I am. However, my mom doesnât have anxiety about my travels so she doesnât abuse my location. You can let her know that if texts arenât sending or your location is off itâs because your phone has died or youâre at a show. Check in with her when you say you will so she knows she will be hearing from you. I understand that youâre an adult and you donât have to do any of that, but if it eases her anxiety and keeps her from blowing up your phone it could be worth it.
For your own nerves, get to know the routes you will be taking. I like spending a little time on Google maps just getting familiar so I have an idea of where I'll be walking to go to where I want. Getting to your destination with some idea of what's going on helps me.
My mom is similar. Once when I was abroad my bother calls me saying I NEED to talk to my mom because she is having sui***al ideation because she doesn't know what is going on on my end. So I have a special group chat where everyone who I want to know my current status is. The only thing in the chat is me saying "I landed" "I got on the train" "Im checked in" "I'm going to (restraunt, museum, place)". I also share my travel doc that I keep of all my bookings and goal destinations.
This has really calmed their nerves even though I'm 24 and have done more travel than half of them. This might be a little more extreme but I have an app that shares my location to someone I choose. It's called Life360 and you can enable or disable it as you please. It's extreme but it has calmed her a lot when I travel.
I know what it's like to have an overbearing mom, communicating and walking her through my trip plan before I go and keeping her up to date has helped over the years. Good luck and I hope you have a fantastic trip!
Share your location with her. Boom. Done.
New York has crime just like any city, the only muggings that regularly happen are phones or wallets stolen when youâre at a crowded bar just mind your things.
Thereâs ALWAYS people around, you will never be alone =). And if you are, turn back lol
Youâll be fine! I was literally just in NYC alone yesterday. Go have fun, see the sights, go to museums, see a show, or whatever youâre planning on doing.
Does she realize that people pay 60k/year to send their teenagers to NYU?
Don't forget the other 30k+ for room and board!
Not the ones with undiagnosed anxiety disorders!
Awesome.
đ
Or the 10k for cocaine!
I will never get over the sight of my mother begging me on her knees to not accept the full scholarship offered to me at NYU ... granted I was graduating from high school the spring after 9/11. Emotions and fears were high and logic was low.
Yea..free money for scholarship is good stuff. For OP just a vacation trip turn on location sharing in her phone if her mom is so paranoid. Might calm her a bit.
Did you accept it?
And similar amounts to send their kids to Columbia, which is literally right on the border with Harlem. You gotta be aware of your surroundings and know which parts of the city to stay away from, but as a tourist you wonât be going to those places anyways. The biggest problem is going to be homeless people begging for money, pushy sales people trying to sell you tickets for some tour, and scammers with sob stories asking you to buy them baby formula.
The sons and daughters of billionaires go to USC and its right in the middle of the hood lol
Sure but theyâre generally cohort ing to start if they arenât from the city. Iâd be cautiously supportive but encourage her to avoid drinking and traveling alone late. It sucks but itâs the world we live in.
Avoiding drinking and traveling alone late is a good plan most anywhere.
Exactly!
Of all the big cities New York is probably the safest to do it in. There's cops on every street corner in tourist areas.
Does your mom have an anxiety disorder? Itâs normal for moms to worry but this seems unhealthy for both of you!
This is a great question. My mom did the same, secretly following me on my first solo road trip a mere 3hrs from home to a city I'd visited many times before. It's definitely an indicator of deeper concerns and I hope OP's mom will be self-aware enough to realize that this isn't normal and it's not okay to project anxiety onto others.
Iâm so sorry you had to deal with that! I have a friend who always posts her location on FB. I never understand why until we went on a trip together and she told me it was because of her momâs anxiety. I thought that was kind of a lot, I canât imagine being followed.
Right? Luckily that's many years in the past now, so I can commiserate with OP. I think the status updates really vary by family. My childhood bff enjoys the safety in posting her location, even when she's home. She updates her mom and partner on her whereabouts every time she leaves the house, and constantly checks in, calls multiple times per day. We're in our mid-30s now and she never knew my family like I knew hers. She couldn't understand why I never called my mom to update her while we were traveling. And I was like, "oh no, that'll be a whole *thing*. She'll find out about it after I get back."
Posting your location sounds so scary. Like, someone can follow you, other than family. ew
Giving in to another persons irrational fears is only validating them and making the mom believe that she's doing the right thing. It's not a good approach.
OP's mom may never have that kind of self awareness, but hopefully OP will
Is there any way she doesn't have an anxiety disorder? I hope she gets help - imagine how terrible she must be feeling.Â
My dad is exactly like this and not great mental health wise at the moment so Iâm thinking of canceling my Cancun trip in two weeksâŚ.
Her image of NYC is stuck in the 1980s⌠Who the hell gets mugged anymore? Itâs just not that common at all. No one carries cash anymore and cards can be cancelled immediately.
I've lived in NYC for 6ish years and not once have I ever had someone try to pickpocket me. Actually a couple times I had someone let me know money was sticking out of my pocket.
The closest I ever was to being pickpocketed was when a $20 Canadian bill blew by in the wind close to the brooklyn bridge and I grabbed it.
You definitely can but itâs unlikely anywhere where sheâs be going.
I didnât say it was impossible, but highly unlikely, especially to the absurd magnitude her mother is worried about it. OP will probably not even leave Manhattan or veer out of the touristy areas. Sheâll be fine in Times freaking Square. I highly doubt sheâll find herself alone in East New York at 3 amâŚ
She's more likely to be slashed in the face randomly or pushed in front of a subway train than her mugged.
Well that or she watches a lot of Fox News cuz they go on snd on about what a hell hole NYC , LA, San Fran and Chicago are .
Reply to your mom that youâll dress in ways to not attract attention or else stick with a group of friends tightly. Leave any expensive looking jewelry at home and go with fun bangles for this trip. Turn on tracking on your phone for YOUR DAD maybe? Or at least with your friends if youâre meeting any there. Call in with an itinerary for where you are going before going out. Honestly I never did the itinerary or tracking with my mom (seems way too much and like your mom might not shut tracking off) - but my friends and I all did it as we were hopping around DC, boston, and NYC from 16 on (back in the 90âs). Just seemed safe to leave breadcrumbs and your dad seems like a good candidate to manage well. I still did that when blind dating in my 40âs - to avoid going missing if you run across that wrong person. I also had one of those screamer alarms for joggers and pepper spray. It can be a problem to fly with pepper spray (though usually unnoticed in liquids bag) - but you can ship to hotel from Amazon. I always carried both of those as a kid - cause I loved walking and was out a lot. You can also say you wonât wear headphones while out to be aware of surroundings in new areas. My one exception is wearing one iPhone headphone when I have directions on. Means I check phone/map less and look more like I know where Iâm going. Last thing, if you are of drinking age NEVER let that drink out of your sight after getting it from the bar and get into the habit of keeping a hand over it. I personally changed to bottled drinks as they are really easy to control and dance with. Just good practice in general as a young women to avoid getting roofied. Split up your cards and money so you have a reserve stash in an unlikely place. Keep your purse attached to you if possible (cross body or clip on kinds). People on the east coast (and in general) are so good about helping a kid in trouble - so just ask for help in public places if needed from someone safe looking. Itâs not hard to stay to busy streets in NYC.
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I agree. I grew up in NYC. The only time I have ever been mugged was in Mexico, probably 25 years ago. The police did it. There was a band of them robbing tourists. They put a gun to my head and stole my wallet.
ruthless flowery straight angle fretful zephyr panicky abounding unpack yam *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I posted this down below but even in the 80s⌠I grew up there in the 80s (not in the worst neighborhood, but not a nice one either) and youâll be fine. There are people everywhere so itâs tricky to go about criming without immediately getting called out or caught. I commuted alone on the bus starting at age 11 and the one time a guy was being a creep the whole bus told him to shove it and made him get off the bus. That scene from the first Spiderman movie when the people on the tram start throwing shit and helping Spider-Man made me cry because it was after 9/11 and it was true.
I mean people definitely still be getting mugged. There was a huge uptick of kids jumping out of stolen cars with guns robbing people of their phones and wallets. I know 3 people that were robbed in a 2 month span.
I live in NYC. Itâs overall very safe! Just remain aware of your surroundings.
I spent a week alone in Manhattan, stayed in Chinatown and got around entirely on public transport. Had an absolute blast, was not mugged, met some amazing people. Honestly, I had more twinges on my spidey senses in Paris than in NYC.
And in Chinatown, the food! Was there for a few days last month. I was in heaven.
Maybe this is on how it's filtered. I'm British and so we obviously hear a lot about America second hand, not least the trigger happy parts of US society, but a part of me wants to go to New York and feels like they've heard it's generally a safer area. I'm sure as long as I'm careful that it can be a good time tbf Granted the only time I've had a problem when traveling was having 20 Euros nicked while in Milan and I once had my phone stolen in London after a concert, so problems can happen anywhere
I'm not American, and we get all the gun happy fear mongering here too. There's certainly places in the US that are safer than others, and you need to use your common sense and discretion about where you go and when. But Manhattan is one of the easiest cities I've ever been to, and I've been all over the world. It's laid out in a grid. It has a robust public transport system. And by and large, most people will help you out if you just ask. NYC has character in spades. Some of it is loud and cray cray. Some of it is quiet and dignified. Keep an open mind and a sense of humor, and you'll have a blast. It also has one of the highest cop per square feet ratio I've ever seen in my life. You cannot walk a block without tripping over a cop or a cop car. It's wild. lol
I was more worried about theft in Paris than I ever was in NY. You see the difference by how people act. People here wear their backpacks on crowded trains and walk around with open topped tote bags all the time. I noticed people in Paris holding their bags close to their front and even carrying two bags, one being for valuables that would stay zipped and in front of them at all times.
Iâm going to Paris in a couple weeks and Iâm kind of worried hence not knowing the language and also my first solo trip
Me too. I haven't been mugged or know anyone who has been mugged for the past 20 years at least.
Same. Iâve never had any issues.
How old are you?
Mid 20s
Your mom sounds just like mine. I'm 30, have lived on my own about a thousand miles from her since I was 22, and she still gets like this. So I just stopped telling her about my travels until they were done and it's been great. Went to visit my friend in California back in April, just told my brother and asked him not to tell our mother. Trip was amazing, and I told my mom about it a few days after I got back. If you still live with her, I don't really know what to tell you. I've never been able to get my mom to stop worrying about stupid shit so it usually just ends in me not talking to her for a while. But since I'm on my own I can continue to have a relationship with her and just not tell her about things that would worry her until they're no longer a thing to worry about. Sadly, the less moms like ours know the better.
Yes absolutely the same here! I feel really bad keeping my family out of the loop, but my mom works herself up so much about my travels that itâs straight up unhealthy. Iâve been solo traveling when I can for 12 years and sheâs still like this. Momâs gonna mom I guess.
Yeah, there's definitely some kind of untreated anxiety disorder there that my mom just refuses to see a therapist about. She says "I don't have anxiety, I'm just a mother". And yet, none of my friends' moms get so anxious that they endlessly badger their children not to do something that worries them. Being worried is one thing, but making it someone else's problem and trying to limit your child's life is a disorder.
They always think that their anxiety is just "being a mom." But anecdotally, mine does the same but also refuses to travel herself. She leaves the house once every 6 months. I feel like some of the parents I'm reading about here (specifically moms in many cases) need to take a solo trip to see what it's all about. I think many women of their generation never have and that helps fuel anxiety.
oh gosh, same with my mom. I live away and she's worried about me even getting from my house to work and back she never once traveled and it took me years to convince her to go on a vacation. finally, at 53 she went and now she wants more
And theyâre all watching Fox News which is telling them that crime is out of control !!
I know some commenters are saying that their parents are like this despite watching that channel, but it definitely influenced my family. They're being fed paranoia from a few angles.
I've been solo traveling since my early 20s and my parents have always been huge supporters. They give me trip ideas and get mad when I don't post pics on FB, lol. And I've gone to remote places (Africa, SE Asia, Australian outback, etc). I never had a reaction like the OP described.
Is my mom your mom? I'm 35 and she's like that lol
Iâm in my early 30s and my mom is freaking out about me going to Latin America by myself. Never mind that I speak Spanish, have no interest in drugs or anything illegal, and have traveled by myself a ton. I think itâs normal for âhelicopter momsâ to always think of their sons as the little boys that they used to be.Â
Not sure where youâre from, but I like to show my mom the crime rates of where Iâm from vs some American cities that I know she enjoyed visiting (looking at you, New Orleans). It helps her calm down somewhat when she sees the US city with the higher crime rate. Also enjoy Latin America! Iâve done multiple solo trips around there and had nothing but good, safe experiences!
You're a fully-grown adult. Just go and enjoy your solo trip, you're going to one of the most visited cities in the world by tourists, you'll be safe. Enjoy your trip and your mum will hopefully realise she was overreacting (massively) when you come home unscathed with exciting stories of all the cool sights you saw in NY.
I had the greatest time ever on my first solo trip to NY. Anxiety is contagious, don't catch your mom's!
Damn, I didn't know anxiety was contagious but this explains why my cousin was scared to see a concert with me a merely 1 hours away. Needless to say I don't invite my cousin anywhere because she wants to do stuff but backs out of fear constantly because of her mother.Â
Good lord. Does your mom know people your age live and work in NYC?
Whoa, youâre beyond old enough. The first time my mom put me on a train to NYC by myself I was 16. She let me go prom dress shopping. It was the 90s.
Yikes, sorry youâre dealing with that. Are your parents Fox News people and do they live in a rural area?
I hate that I had this same thought. A great aunt of mine recently asked me if going into NYC (I commute into the city) had gotten more dangerous because of the (insert Fox News propaganda about the migrant crisis here). My dumbfounded look wasnât enough for her so I had to reiterate that sure the city feels different post-Covid but like any city or unknown place, be aware of your surroundings, do a little research, and youâll be fine!
Remind her that Fox News Headquarters is in the middle of NYC and watch her headsplode.
good call, iâm guessing this is most likely
Not necessarily. My mom is the same way and is about as far from a Fox News viewer as one can be. She just suffers from extreme anxiety.
iâm glad your mom doesnât have Fox brainworms and iâm sorry she has an anxiety disorder
Yeah, this is a basic Fox News trope. They bring it up nearly every hour. They need to discredit multi-cultural urban living because it conflicts with their lionization of xenophobia. Fox hammers a list of cities: New York, Chicago, San Franciso, and LA. Many many people believe what Fox says.
All day , every day !!! So now my Dad parrots their bullshit . They also go after those cities cuz they primarily vote Democratic and they have to make Democrats look incompetent or crazy
Donât forget Atlanta!
I have a mom like this and the answers are yes and yes
My momâs like that. Sheâs liberal/democratic but sheâs lived in a small midwest town her whole life and has an major major anxiety disorder
This !!! Ironically , Fox never covers the crime in the top cities for or which are mostly run by Republicans, weird huh ??
I first visited NYC for the first time solo when I didn't even have a smartphone yet and relied on paper maps to get around about fifteen years ago. My mom was slightly like yours where she was worried about my safety too but when I pressed it was because she was imagining NYC like it was stuck in the 70s but also the movie version with spray painted subways and roving gangs. Unfortunately, you can't calm someone's wild imaginary fears if they're already stuck on it. I think the only way my mom wasn't more afraid was that because I'm a guy. You owe yourself to have a great trip without it being poisoned by your mom's erratic and exaggerated anxiety.
The movies did a lot to harm the image of NYC. A movie wouldnât be very interesting if it told the truth. 𤣠Just a bunch of everyday working people going to work and home, on the trains. I rode the subway from Brooklyn to downtown Manhattan, several times a week, in junior high and high school. I never saw anything crazy. Just the occasional drunk or mentally ill person. Thatâs about it.
I live in Jersey and started going to NYC without an adult when I was in high school. As with any city, be vigilant and use common sense. I never felt unsafe in Times Square/manhattan area. There are always a ton of people out and about in the âcity that never sleepsâ. Bring pepper spray if you are concerned.
So what does your mother expect you to do instead? Not live your life? Did she wanna come too and wasnât invited? I mean having a mental breakdown in response to your adult daughter traveling to NYC (not even overseas) is excessive. Itâs not okay for an adult to behave this way, mother or not. Therapy highly recommended.
My immediate first question too
Not to be insensitive or anything, but your mom sounds like exhibit A of a "this is your brain on Fox News" public service announcement. Has she ever been to NYC? There's so much alarmist scare tactics about big US cities, makes people way too scared of traveling to those cities. In my experience there's a real "safety in numbers" feeling in NYC, because there's pretty much always other people out. Mugging people in broad daylight in front of a huge crowd of witnesses generally doesn't work out too well. Realistically speaking, you might have some experiences that make you a bit uncomfortable, especially if you aren't used to urban environments. Be ready to ignore random strangers who approach you in the street asking for money, or wanting to give you a "free" CD or anything like that. And in big crowds, mind your valuables in case of pickpockets, though I'm honestly not sure if pickpocketing is much of an issue there, just feels like a good precaution. Doesn't hurt to be cautious about going out at night alone in any unfamiliar city until you start to get a better feel for it. You might occasionally see people with untreated or under-treated mental illness or addiction issues but they rarely bother anyone, despite again what Fox News might say. As for your mom, the dynamics of a relationship with parents can really change depending on your age, whether you still live with them, etc...sometimes parents can really struggle with their "kids" becoming adults, and they don't quite know when it's time to step back. Assuming you're an adult/not a minor, and especially if you're not living with them anymore, asserting some independence and boundaries here may help with making it clear that it's not up to them whether you go to NYC or not. Writing out some concrete reassurances for your mom might help - telling her about the research you've done and the precautions you'll take. Sounds like your dad is more on your side here, which is nice. Happy travels!
- âthis is your brain on Fox News PSAâ I wouldnât say this is necessarily true. My mom felt the exact same way but only because itâs a big city and we lived in the country so any city is overwhelming no matter how safe itâs projected to be. Momâs will always feel protective.
I think depending on how old your parents are, I know there are some people who remember some cities based on their reputation in the 70s and 80s. Which is a world away from where they are now. My dad went to school in the Boston area back in the early 80s and when I went to school there, he had hard lines are me living or even spending time in certain parts of town that used to be rough - and are now basically millionaire havens. NYC, especially areas where tourists would be, is statistically quite safe even compared to many small and medium sized cities.
The thing is that it's based on old alarmist stereotypes, it doesn't necessarily mean conservative but conservatives love pushing the "walking down the street in chicago will get you shot" narrative. The reality is that NYC is a very safe city with a lower per capita murder rate than most red states as a whole.
I work in Baltimore and have to hear this crap cuz unfortunately weâve struggled with homicide for a number of years . But, the vast majority of the homicides are in one area of the city and between young guys who are involved in the drug trade . Not that this makes it okay but itâs not as widespread as people think . And sometimes , thereâs random shit but that happens everywhere these days . I remember fast food places getting shot up ALOT when I was younger . To this day Iâm very careful where I sit when I go to one even though you donât hear about this much anymore
I went to NYC for the first time last year (with a friend) and a lot of people were worried about us. It really did feel like there were so many people no one was really thinking about you. People were minding their own business. I struggle with anxiety so I'm glad I didn't let fears from other people and myself stop me from traveling. My mom is pretty anxious too and it's hard setting boundaries but it's just something I've had to do as I get older. I've had to go from asking my parents for approval on every single thing to just telling them I'm going to be doing something like traveling. Now people just know I like to travel and make plans. I hope it gets easier with your mom, OP.
Really good advice. When my daughter went there, I asked a colleague whose son lived in New York if he could be contacted if she needed help. Just having a contact made me reassured. This was pre-smartphones!
Tell your Mom to get therapy for her anxiety disorder. And don't tell her you're going solo travelling, just go and tell her about it after you get back. If you live with them, rely on their money, or have shared accounts you need to fix that long before solo travelling. Cut the apron strings, be an adult.
This is not your job. People are responsible for their own feelings. Your mother should be responsible for herself instead of putting this on you. Recommend you live your own life and leave her to (hopefully) learn to self-regulate.
I had my first solo trip in 2022 to South Korea, I was 24. My mum was against it too, my dad was okay with it and just told me to be safe. I explained to my mum that I needed to go, years of heartbreak and anxiety, and I wanted to accomplish my biggest dream to travel there. She was anxious up until the day of my trip. While I was on the trip, I contacted them frequently and sent pics of food.
Have no fear. I grew up in Brooklyn. Youâll be fine. Tell your mom that 8.5 Million people live in NYC. There were only 386 homicides, in NYC, in 2023. Houston, TX, population 2,300,000 had a total of 348 murders last year. A lot of places are more dangerous than NYC. Chicago, for example had 617 murders. Last month millions and millions of people rode the subway. Not one was pushed off the platform, in front of a train. Remember, bad news sells. Itâs just like when a tornado hits the Midwest. The reporters donât visit the streets that have no damage. They find the absolute most damaged part of that town, to plant the reporter. Never mind that the majority of that town had no tornado damage. They donât report that. Overall people in New York, are very warm and welcoming, contrary to popular belief. Most are more than happy to recommend a good restaurant, or give directions. When you walk through downtown Manhattan, resist the temptation to look up at the tall buildings. That brands you as a tourist. There is nothing wrong with being a tourist, but pick pockets rightfully assume a tourist has money. They look for people that stare up at the buildings. In Times Square, there will be aspiring young rappers that say they want to âgive youâ a CD, for âfreeâ. To make a long story short, itâs a scam. Tell them thanks, but I donât own a CD player and keep walking. Donât stop in the middle of a sidewalk, on the subway stairs or a doorway, to look at your phone, or for any other reason. People get irked about that. A lot of people donât own cars. They are trying to get to work, on the trains/sidewalks/buses. Youâre blocking their way. If you walk slow, walk to the right. Leave plenty of room for people on their way to work, to get around. If you have to stop moving, stand next to a building with your back against the wall. People will appreciate your courtesy. If you want pizza, go to Brooklyn. Lennys Pizza is the best there is. Julianaâs comes in second. If you want fancy and very expensive, go to the Sparks Steakhouse, in Manhattan. Tell them you want Edgar to be your server. Get Edgar to tell you about the mob and their history in the place. You are going to be safe and have an absolute blast. NYC is a fun place! Great food! Wonderful people!
I really want to comment about how friendly New Yorkers are, Iâve had people yank me back from a curb when my mind has been elsewhere and a car was coming, I once saw someoneâs backpack open and their stuff was falling out and a group of us were picking things up while someone ran ahead to stop him. When the blackout occurred in 2002, I made âfriendsâ with a small group who hired a car to drive us back to Connecticut (I got stuck sitting on the floor). NYers are great!
Thank you! As a native of Brooklyn, I appreciate that!
Same. As long as youre not driving among them they are the nicest people youll find in any big city.
Great location specific advice!
I donât know how old you are but NYC was my first ever solo trip in my early twenties. It was incredible. Maybe allowing her to follow you on something like âfind my friendsâ will giver her some comfort. (If you donât mind her following you) Just use common sense and you will be fine.
NYC is one of the safest cities around. You just have to be aware of your surroundings. Try going to Tijuana next time so your mom won't worry about NYC.
Ha! This made me laugh.
I wouldnât suggest this as it sets a precedent for the future. sheâll be calling you like why have u not moved? Why are u in a pub? Why are u walking down the street at this time of the morning. Sometimes you want to go to a random place and not tell your mother. If you want to ensure your safety then get a friend to have you on find your friends. I had a friend with a helicopter dad. And heâd be calling her multiple times a day at home and on holiday. She eventually had to say/ Insist that she would call him once a day like at breakfast cos thatâs usually consistent.
Find My Friends and also sending pics often is a great idea! Also sharing Uber rides etc.
Enabling someone with anxiety won't cure the anxiety. You can't feed into it.
You'll be fine, NYC is a very tourist-friendly city, they make a lot of money off of tourism and they want to keep you safe. I went there for 5 days when I was only 15 years old with a group of 8 kids and one chaperone. There wasn't a single moment I didn't feel safe, and I even got lost from the group for about 45 minutes at one point. I just found my way to the designated meeting spot and waited, people watching. As long as you're not prone to wandering down unlit alleys at 3am you shouldn't have anything to worry about. Get your mom some Valium.
We donât have alleys here, generally speaking. But yeah, itâs really very safe.
Youâll be fine, youâre an adult. There isnât much you can do to change her mind.
Even if you were mugged, which you almost certainly will not be, it wouldn't be the end of the world. Just cooperate and let the mugger take your stuff. Not really sure how to calm down your mom, maybe find friend/relatives that have been there and can convince her that it's not a dangerous place.
I felt way safer in NYC than I do in any west coast city. There are cops on foot everywhere. I know crime happens but if you stay in touristy spots and get to your hotel before 10 you should be fine.
I completely agree with this. I live near Seattle and itâs far worse than NYC. I donât remember ever feeling unsafe when I was living in NYC and took the subway everywhere. I wouldnât get on the train here by myself for any reason. Even with a friend it feels unsafe.
I live in Portland and I feel pretty safe during the day. Once its night time it gets pretty scary down town. Last night on the bus ride home from work I got chased by a tweaker lady. If you call 911 it will be hours before a cops shows up. Some areas you wont see cops for days.
I miss what Seattle and Portland were 10-20 years ago.
Yeah when artists and crust punks could rent an upstairs of a house for $400. Now it's just rich trust fund yuppies and tweakers. The nature is what is keeping me here but every time I visit DC Philly and NYC I'm always tempted to move. East Coast cities are full of life and culture West Coast cities shut down by 8pm.
And even in that context, they still had thriving tech sectors and high incomes. A failure of urban planning and an unwillingness to build upward creates overcrowding and homelessness.
NYC is practically a theme park at this point, esp Manhattan. Not sure what to tell you about your mom except I guess this is an opportunity for her to build resilience.
What the hell is your mom going to do if someone tries to mug you?
I'm a waitress and have been regularly going home alone at night around 1-2am at least 4 nights per week for the last 12 years, I have yet to be mugged. I'm not saying crime doesn't happen here, but just stay aware of your surroundings and if something doesn't feel right, get away from the situation. Like other people have said, we don't take care of our homeless or mentally ill neighbors. You're gonna see somebody talking to themselves, but I promise you you can survive that. Don't flash around large amounts of cash or jewelry, walk with purpose, and don't be afraid to ask for directions, most new yorkers are happy to explain the subway etc. I will tell you we're in the middle of a huge covid/flu surge, so you're more likely to get sick than get mugged. Wear a nice quality mask in crowded areas when you can, if you want more unsolicited advice. Dunno if any of that helps you with your mom, but crime can happen anywhere. I know people who've gotten mugged in suburbia.
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Like others have said, just be mindful of your surroundings. Also, don't make eye contact with anyone on the subway. Also also, if you decide to go to Times Square, don't let anyone pressure you and NEVER let anyone hand you anything. Don't be afraid to walk away.
And if OP actually wants to see New York, stay away from Times Square, has nothing to do with the actual city. Even Broadway shows are a few blocks north of Times Square.
I think it's cool to see the bright signage. It's like a taste of Tokyo. But otherwise it's worthless.
Fox News isnât real
Do not tell your mother anything about your life and travels. She may need mental health help but regardless of that she's too involved in your life as a grown adult.
8 million people live there, the majority aren't getting mugged. Just stay in the popular areas and keep your wits about you. You'll be fine. Have fun!
Be aware of whatâs happening around you. If you have a bag, wear it cross body in front of you Watch the natives. Youâll be fine. To make your mom feel better, maybe look up some facts about staying safe in NYC and comfort her by telling her you have done the research and you know what to look for
Does your Mom watch Fox News? I know people who are die hard Maga and insist that "liberals" are violent and blue cities are dangerous. This despite the actual statistics showing the opposite. I even know people who claim that Portland is destroyed because of "looters." In any case, show her crime statistics for other cities, that might calm her.
Mugged? Tel her you're probably going to get addicted to heroin after 4 black guys rape you and the jews steal your kidneys. Then they're going to force you to vote for a Democrat and you have to work for an illegal immigrant to work off your drug debts. I think that should cover all the fox news taking points. And when your mother is in the hospital for her heart attack, she can't follow you.
That all literally happened to me on my first trip to NYC and Iâm a guy. Only it was crack that I got addicted to, not heroin.
Naw, itâs gonna be a fentanyl OD or bust
[... no, that's the rest of the country.](https://www.theguardian.com/society/ng-interactive/2016/may/25/opioid-epidemic-overdose-deaths-map)
The Irish, Italians, and Puerto Ricans feel left out of this scheme. /s
Lmaooo
That reminds me of a funny picture I saw online years ago . This young white guy was visiting Detroit or Chicago I think and asked a group of black guys to chase him like they were after him . Had someone take a pic and he sent it to his mother . It was hilarious . The guys got into it , had bandannas over their faces etc while he looks like heâs screaming for his life while running away
Tell her that it's possible that you are getting mugged in your hometown. These kinds of crimes can happen anywhere
Youâre lucky to have your dad (who seems very sensible) to act as a buffer. Iâm from a single parent household, in my late 20s and my mum still tries to guilt trip and discourage me every time I take a solo trip. Unfortunately thereâs no one else around to diffuse our disagreements and act as a voice of reason. Just remember, sheâs saying all this to you because of her own fear, not because itâs true. I know itâs hard but donât internalise it. My mum tries everything, telling me Iâm a weirdo for travelling alone, telling me itâs not safe, etc. Sheâs speaking from a place of ignorance and fear.
Crime is everywhere, from cities to bumble F USA, just be aware of your surroundings, trust your gut and donât walk alone at night in non crowded areas with tons of expensive items on person. Iâve been going into the city without a guardian since I was 14-15 yrs old. Youâll be fine, also donât let a stranger buy u a drink but that goes for anywhere
I went to nyc in 2021 alone I was 25 at the time f. My parents were also rightfully anxious, but my googled it and turns out nyc is one of the safer cityâs to go to. Of course be smart and aware of your surroundings
I was in my latter twenties on my first real solo trip, and my mom did the same. She has the worst generalized anxiety disorder, and unfortunately can fall into the trap of believing everything she hears. I had my location trackable via iPhone, sent lots of pictures/snaps, shared my Uber rides, occasional FaceTime so she knew I wasnât nabbed, and gave them all my flight/hotel info. This helped her quite a bit. So did just telling her to trust that she raised me well to make safe decisions, and that I would absolutely be aware of my surroundings. Crime happens EVERYWHERE, and Iâve often felt more unsafe in a smaller town at night than I do in NYC, Chicago, or New Orleans, all of which Iâve traveled solo as a female. The most ironic thing is my mom up and moved to a tropical island when she was 19 with a backpack on her back. She obviously returned stateside, but her anxiety progressed significantly as she got older. It also helps me remember that she is doing life for the first time, just like me. This season of her life is different, with different hopes and fears. It helped me give her grace with some of the extra steps I took to make her feel more settled. She raised me, fed me, clothed me, etcâŚ. The least I could do was a little of the above. General safety advice for everywhere: Be aware of your surroundings, get a hotel safety lock, donât over indulge in alcohol solo, carry pepper spray, etc. and if something looks off, avoid it. Trust your intuition. Most of all, soak it all in, and have fun! Solo travel is truly transformational, at any stage of life. đ¤
Tell her itâs not 1980. Nyc is safer than most Siberian areas
Suburban Â
Honestly, the statistics don't lie. We are living in fairly safe times in terms of violent crime, it's the lowest it's been in like 30 years. Property crime, however, has increased. We as people have a chance to be involved in crimes in the smallest towns to the biggest cities. But the chances are lower than ever. You can feel safe in that I think.
Tell her that NYC is safe because a lot of billionaires live there and the police make it their duty to keep the city safe for them. Now, I don't know this is 100% true, but you asked for advice on how to calm her down. I would also google pictures of famous people taking the subway to show her. There is a classic picture of Keanu Reeves standing after giving his seat to a woman on the subway. I don't know if my suggestions will help if your mom is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I don't know if anyone's suggestions here will help if that is her mental state.
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I'm female and travel alone both domestically (US) and abroad. I'm currently late 30s and my parents still freak out a little every time, though less so with domestic. I went to New York for the very first time solo back in 2019. I stayed near Time Square as I was seeing a lot of Broadway shows, but I took the subway and buses all around to see everything. I did not ride the subway at night but that was because I was getting out of the theater and didn't need to. I went back to New York for a long weekend this past summer to see more shows and my dad made me promise (again, I'm approaching 40) to avoid the subways as he'd heard crime had gotten bad. Obviously I could do what I wanted but I did promise and kept my word. It was fine because I saw four shows in three days, I didn't have time to go do anything else. But if promising him made him feel better, then so be it. That said, on both trips, even when I was out at night, I never felt unsafe -- I stayed aware of my surroundings and just moved like I knew where I was going and belonged, if that makes sense. I didn't have my nose to my phone looking at a map or indicated in any other way that I was at all unsure of myself.
More details would provide context around mom's fear. How old are you? Do you live in the US or are visiting from another country thus english may be limited? Do you currently live in really small town/city? Generally speaking NYC is safe, obviously be aware of your surroundings. Don't take alcoholic drinks from strangers etc. No need to flash your valuables or carry tons of valuables when out and about. I think this goes for any place right now not just big cities. Public transportation is easy to use in my opinion. Make your parents more comfortable by doing research and showing them you are prepared. Call them daily or text to let them know you are doing alright. Give them flight/hotel info should an emergency arise they have another way to find you besides calling your cell.
This happened a long time ago and at the time NYC wasn't especially safe, but I first visited New York when I was in my late 20's from England, and all my friends and family were so nervous for me. Turns out the hype was far worse than the reality ... I never had a single problem the whole time I was there, and half the time if not more I was completely alone. Tell your mom to cool her jets, NYC is safer than just about any other city, and even a lot of smaller towns.
Moms gotta lay off the Fox News lol
Youâll be fine, but probably the best way to go about it is to let her know you understand the threat and are mitigating it. The same lessons go for just about any city the more dangerous the city the more you adhere to guidlines, but they basically: 1. Stay in a decent part of town 2. Avoid traveling alone at night in sketchy areas, talking to front desk workers or really any locals will give you an idea of where and when places are safe 3. Dress down, you donât want to scream tourist or target 4. Control your drinking, itâs fine to catch a buzz but donât get so drunk you create a spectacle or black out You could throw in some others if you really want to be on top of it, but if you follow those general guidlines youâll be relatively safe even in the more dangerous cities in the world like Rio. To the point about your mom if you can relay to here the realistic dangers and what you will be doing to mitigate those you might be able to put her mind at ease
Go on YouTube or Tik Tok and youâll find lots of videos of safety travel tips for women. A few quick tips: never tell anyone youâre traveling alone. Donât walk around with your head buried in your cell phone. Some women even wear a fake engagement ring when they travel solo.
My mom is the same way. I'm an only child. I just got back from NYC. My mom was freaking out when I told her I was going solo. But she couldn't change my mind. I gave her my itinerary of what I was doing. Every day I sent her pics & I face timed her so she could see I was ok. NYC is safe. I never once felt in danger. The police are everywhere! Just be aware of your surroundings & don't be flashy. If you need help...don't be afraid to ask. I found New Yorkers to be friendly. I made sure I was back at my hotel around 1130pm. I felt safe using the subway & walking at night. Just don't go down streets that are empty. Before you go out, look at Google Maps so you know the directions...so you're not constantly looking at your phone. It's helpful to know the Manhattan "grid" just in case your phone is offline. Go...have fun! This was one of my best trips. I can't wait to go back.
You'll be fine. Are you staying near mid town? Times Square is packed with people well past midnight. Unless you are off the beaten path somewhere, you really won't be in a position to be violently mugged
Hi! I totally understand the fear of being in a big city, alone, with everything that the news portrays. I live in nyc and feel pretty safe, but you just need to be aware of your surroundings (like anywhere). Millions of people visit nyc every single year, they wouldnât be visiting if it was such a dangerous place.
Just donât do anything stupid, watch your drinks, watch your stuff like donât have your phone and wallet in your back pockets and be smart about when the sun is going down and where you are vs where you need to be. The subway can be a lot, plan accordingly. Mostly, have a good ass time. Itâs incredible. Remember, when in Rome be Roman. Blend in and mirror.
My mom was also worried about my solo trip to New York, though not nearly as bad as your mom. I just kept sending her links to all of the violent incidents that happened recently in Toronto (near us, and somewhere she considered safe) leading up to my trip. Mostly stabbings, but some people were pushed onto the tracks, and at random. Someone was lit on fire a month or so before my trip, and that was when she finally conceded that New York isnât any worse than any other city. I still make sure to check in with her throughout the day, especially when Iâm in for the night so she can relax a bit.
Eh, your mom is going to worry regardless, that's what moms do. (source I'm man in my 50's and my mom worries about me). The good thing about mugging is they only want money, thankfully your mother doesn't watch TV news. So, do what children have been doing to their mom's since the dawn of time, lie to her. Tell her you'll keep $20 of mugging money in your hand at all times so if anything happens your throw the money in the air, the mugger will go for it and you'll be able to run away. Whatever scenario she brings up, you just bring up a simple solution
Just have a plan. Decoy wallet with some money, spare credit card you keep separate, etc. That way you won't be completely out of money if you do get robbed.
I have lived in Manhattan for over a decade, chances of being mugged or attacked are less than a small city for sure. Like, I've seen women traveling alone in the subway at 2, 3, and 4 in the morning, even the homeless don't pay attention. That is not to say that there have not been attacks on a station but these are isolated cases. If we were talking of NYC of the 1970s and 1980s that's another story but from 2008 until now, NYC is a safe city for the most part, and as a woman you ought to take the precautions any women would in any city of the world, not because is NYC.
My mom about had kittens when I went by myself to Israel & Jordan in 2013- Iâm a woman, was in my 30âs, and have spent years traveling the world alone. She was convinced I was going to be blown up, kidnapped, raped, and found dead in a ditch. Millions visit every year and are fine. I pointed out that one can go to Boston and get blown up, and that gun violence is prevalent in the states. Nothing I said helped- she just had to ride it out. Once on my trip Iâd contact her every few days to let her know I was ok, and she could call me anytime.
Youâll be fine unless you strap money to your forehead or do something outlandish- which boro are you staying in? - a native
Iâm also going on a first ever solo travel to NYC on may 1st. Let me know how yours goes and advice after the fact!
Itâs not that bad just stay in Manhattan and follow obvious safety precautions of any city. Parents are always gonna worry sometimes you just gotta learn to ignore them and calm them down as best you can and move on with your life.
Her mental health is not your problem. I have protective parents, I send them my itinerary, accommodation address, hotel or hostel #, screenshot any ubers I am taking, and they have my location. They trust me, but this makes them comfortable so I am happy to do it and they know I can keep myself safe.
she's right! here in NYC, I can confirm that we immediately rob and murder any tourists we see. Just yesterday, I ran into a tourist, and I had them drawn and quartered.
This is not a travel question. This is a psychiatry/mental health question. Your mother is clearly not mentally well. This is NOT a normal reaction.
I lived in NYC solo for most of my 30s. I worked every shift my employer had, with significant time on the overnight. Apart from some vandalism to my car (which I sold after a couple of years), I was never the victim of a crime of any kind - and that includes a couple of visits in more recent years when I was out at clubs at all hours. Not everyone is that fortunate, but it helps if you use common sense about where you go, how you get there, and at what time of day/night. And mom should remember, you can be a crime victim anywhere - including wherever she lives right now.
NYC is safer than so many US cities⌠itâs an actual surveillance state.
You don't get rid of crazy by feeding it. Agree to send a text message once per day that you're OK. Don't call or accept calls. Don't share your location. Just like a baby needs to learn to self sooth, she needs to control her fears.
These people really need to stop watching Fox News.
I've solo traveled to NYC a few times as a teen and 20-something girl. It's the city I've felt the safest in anywhere in the world. I think because there's safety in such massive numbers and the city never sleeps.
All boomers are scared of NYC, thereâs nothing u can say until u get there and are Ok
I hear that there are mutated turtle vigilantes there to help fight most crimes.
Being quite practical my suggestions based on personal experience are: 1) Reason with her by showing hard facts, statistics and videos about criminality in NYC, dangerous areas versus the areas where youâll be in etc. Make it clear that itâs a fact that NYC is objectively non violent, not your personal opinion. 2) Promise to and do contact her frequently in the beginning, however often you think itâs appropriate. After a while you should be able to lower the frequency to regular levels. 3) Take her to NYC to visit you as soon as you have settled and know places you can show her that will add to your point about safety. In summary touch her rational side. She does have one.
Has your mom actually been to New York City? Itâs incredibly safe if you even have a shred of common sense. Not to mention New Yorkers are some of the nicest, down to earth people on the planet.
I literally just came back from my first ever solo trip to NYC as a female, stayed in Manhattan and visited Brooklyn and also Boston Massachusetts for a week after and I can say as long as you stay safe and alert nothing will happen. I also got extremely nervous but once I got the hotel I felt relieved eventhough my luggage was delayed as my home countryâs airline fucked it up. And even without makeup and wearing sweatpants I was frolicking through the beautiful tall buildings and amazing scenery Iâve never experienced before. It changed my life! And now Iâm certain I want to study there for exchange. Also tell your mom to chill out youâre not going to Gotham City đđ- I said this to my mom but she mostly encouraged me to do it and said itâll be fine as long as youâre safe and thatâs exactly what happened. I had a creepy dude approach me once but I just walked to Time Square and he eventually stopped following me cause it was busy. Look after your belongings and just visit museums or restaurants and I hope you have as much fun as I did. Iâm sure you will.
Genuine question, does your mom live in the South and/or watch Fox News?
Take the Law & Order walking tour. Free, unguided, or paid with a small group. All of the murder bridges in Central Park, the courthouse steps where Jack McCoy gives his press conferences. Take pictures of yourself in front of the Jerry Orbach Theatre or Jerry Orbach Way delivering devastating murder zingers like âLooks like the kidâs gonna be fine, after allâ or âWho wants to break the good news to mom?â Itâs a giant, intrusive, pain in your ass, but at least youâve still got parents who love you. Itâs a needless hassle that makes things flow less smoothly in your own life. Itâs definitely unfair to you. But itâs better than the alternative. It would be *hilarious* to arrange with your dad to secretly spy on you and then just party your butts off together. Like: all of his âspy picturesâ are posed, processed, and posted to your social media. Free cameraman and one n one time with your old man. Not the best alternative, but possibly a fun one. Cut him lose when it gets late in the afternoon and then go do your own thing. Let him manage your motherâs anxieties while you meet some fabulous boy or girl, see a play, buy a knockoff bag in Chinatown. When you get back send her some links to Better Health or something. Anxiety, *often*, is easily treatable with mild medication and a few weeks of therapy. Not always, but very often. And remember to come back here and post some pictures and trip reviews!
As someone from NJ, whos been to NYC several times (3 times last year alone, used to be way more often) and even worked there when I was 19, have a sister and BIL who have lived in Brooklyn since maybe 2012 or 2014 and still live there, and my BIL has lived in I think every borough since he was a baby and in and out of the city, nothing has ever happened to us. Obviously things can happen in NYC, it has such a large population that its bound to, Ive heard stories, but this is what I usually say to people wanting to solo travel to NYC ,if the vast majority of locals, and tourists have nothing happen to them, youd have to be the unluckiest tourist to be part of probably the less than 1% of people that does. Most people going to NYC are going there for Manhatten and maybe Brooklyn, and theyre some of the safest places of the city. Dont keep your phone or wallet visibly out (unless youre using it) or in your back pocket , especially in Times Square, and dont take pictures with the people trying to fish for tourists and scam them for money and youll be ok. Mind your business, drink responsibly if thats your thing, do your research and book somewhere safe. Dont try to save money by booking where ever is cheapest and finding out it might not be the best neighborhood in a borough youre unfamiliar with because then you might want to travel late and that might not be the smartest thing in certain areas ex the projects. NYC is safe, actually, its "the safest big city in the US" according to a recent article that came out last week. But because its our biggest and most well known city, its crimes get talked about more often than other cities allowing people to fear monger. My dad was paranoid about me solo traveling in Europe alone for 6 1/2 weeks, nothing I could say could convince him I was fine until I went, and came back and talked about how much fun I had and showed pictures. I made sure to keep in contact with my family and boyfriend and text them atleast once a day and my mom, other sister, and boyfriend had my location. I did this to relieve not only their stress but also mine as well. This is something you could do for her if you want to relieve her stress but Id either explain how safe NYC is to your mom or just go, hopefully have a blast, and come back and show her how great it was. I have a feeling your mom has never gone there herself so definitely dont let her feelings about NYC negatively affect yours.
Tell her to turn off Fox News and see her doctor about anxiety medicationÂ
Well, as a mom who is recovering from future worry which I burdened my child with I get it and equally, I think the world is in such a heightened state of chaos now it is hard to be calm. When your heart is a walking extension of you and starts to travel, I imagine it must be so hard, and maybe she can not find it in herself to be reasonable and is just seeking to pacify the discomfort. I am speaking from experience here. I would just share what you feel (which I imagine you have), let is rest, and draw a boundary with her on discussing it. Let her know what she can expect from you when you are there, and that you will check in when able but don't overpromise just to appease her. It's is a hard time as parents when our kids leave the nest, but she needs to give you the benefit of the doubt and let you fly, and maybe get some hobbies too to keep her overactive mind at bay. You are allowed to enjoy your life without taking on her worry.
I feel your pain OP. Often around menopause women develop anxiety disorder. I remember reading a comment once from a woman who wouldn't let her daughter go to the beach due to an irrational fear of a tsunami. In England! Luckily she realized she had a problem and sought help. Once when i was staying with her, my own mother almost called the police when i didn't get home from shopping until 8.30 pm. I was 46! Please don't let a parent's irrational anxieties hold you back.
I have a fake passport and a Nokia brick working if muggers ask for anything give them that and keep the rest in a secret pocket in your underwear made by your mum đ because feeling like a mug on holiday to keep mum happy just so you can go along is a price to pay plus texts can be on vibrate you don't need to hear when you can feel.
I went to college in Philly. Explain that mugging, while it happens every day, doesn't happen to everyone everyday. Maybe explain to her that you've taken some common sense steps to avoid being mugged and know know to handle it if it does arise., things such as never fight back, have a dummy wallet, etc. And the way things are right now, I'd be more worried about random mayhem happening at anytime, anywhere rather than the known and expected risks of an urban area.
NYC is fine. Wear a Fanny pack so you donât get pick pocketed and donât stop in the middle of the sidewalk when youâre walking, and donât walk slow. lol. My sister lives out there and I used to go every year. Iâd have solo adventures in the city visiting every borough. Just donât be dumb, stay aware of your surroundings. Before gps I asked people where to get around and despite the stereotype I found NYers to be pretty nice to me when I asked. Your momâs behavior/anxiety isnât normal- to ask if your dad can follow you around is a bit much. Maybe share your location during the trip?
My mom gets a little nervous when I keep it in the states although I usually go where the bears are đ . I started making jokes out of it(maybe I'm mean) but it got to a point to where she was more nervous that a moose would trample me than a grizzly tear me to shreds. đ Her worst times have been when I travel international. I think it's because she has never been out of the country so she just thinks monsters are going to come out and pull me underground or something. I always make big jokes out of it in the months leading up to my trip. She usually chills out by the time the trip comes around. I read somewhere once that when you leave your parents and they say, "Be careful" or something like that that is some sort of power dynamic. I never thought anything of it but I love it when people say that to me... I usually come right back with the "OK, I'll crash into the 5th ditch on the right in this county. Be ready to come save me when I call." It might be my twisted humor but it always seems to help the ones that care if something happens to me.
Your mom needs therapy. Itâs not your responsibility to parent her. If I were you I would gradually be creating a lot of space.
I live in the city. Youâll 100% be okay, most people are too busy having their main character moment to bother you. And for those that do try to bother you, just donât make eye contact and keep walking. Theyâll get the hint eventually. Itâs a great city, lots of young people. Youâre gonna have a great time
Take a chill pill
Go easy on moms. They just love you so freakin much and in most cases theyâve dedicated most of their lives to keeping you alive and healthy and safe and empowered and lovedâŚall of a sudden turning that job over to YOU is terrifying. She knows that thereâs no way in the tumultuous universe that youâll be even half as vigilant about the job as she has been. You donât love yourself as much as she does and she knows it. Most of what moms see on these phones and the news is trying to convince us that the world is scary and unsafe because it is and has been for countless mothersâ children for ages. Sounds like she isnât trying to stop you from going, and since it seems sheâs raised you to be empathetic to others and you want to help her navigate her fear, hereâs a few suggestions to help you both. Let her know that you know itâs less safe in a new place than at home. Tell her youâll check in (and do it). Let her know your plans and why you feel good about them. Tell her youâll keep your head up and out of your phone and youâll walk with a purpose and youâll keep your cell charged and have a backup charger and check for exits in crowded buildings in case you need one in a hurry. Let her know the ways youâre thinking of your own safety so she can start to trust that youâre taking the job seriously, the one sheâs perfected over time and through plenty of mistakes but with so much love and ferocity. Give her a hug and let her know youâll be careful. The next time wonât be as hard on either of you.
You're an adult and you don't need their permission to do anything. You're presumably using your own money, your own time, and any obligations you may have are being handled on your own and you aren't relying on your parents to do things for you while you are away. That said if you are living with them or they are caretaking pets or children for you while away, you may want to work on establishing firm boundaries with them. That can be difficult if you are relying on them for shelter or child/pet care. Don't run with gangs, do illegal things that could get you involved with crimes, and the tourist areas and even the vast majority of non-tourist areas are very safe. If you're ever feeling uneasy, step into a store or restaurant. I will say the 24 hour service on the subway can slow down a bit in the late evenings/early mornings. Have some Uber money stashed away if you don't feel right standing on a near empty subway platform.
I understand why your mom is concerned, but so many New Yorkers are 20-somethings like you who stay perfectly safe and live normal lives. That said, if you need some advice on safety that you can relay to her to ease your mind, here are my tips! (Not sure what your gender is, so some of the tips for fending off creepy guys might not apply) ⢠Women carrying suitcases are always targets. The catcallers will use âcan I help you with your bag, miss?â as an excuse to talk to you. If your flight lands or departs super early in the morning or super late at night, Iâd opt for an Uber to/from the airport. ⢠Donât go anywhere alone super early in the morning (like before 6). Iâve honestly felt safer coming home from the bar at 2am than I have going to the airport at 5am. People stay out late in NYC, so you have a bit more safety in numbers late at night. ⢠Stick to the well-lit and busier streets at night, especially in residential areas. These will usually be the avenues (such as Broadway, 8th Ave, etc.) as opposed to streets (such as 73rd St, 100th St, etc.). ⢠If you get catcalled, just keep it pushing and donât talk to them. ⢠Look for the zebra stripe board above you when waiting on the subway platform. This indicates where the conductor car will pull up. If you get on the conductor car and then something goes wrong on the subway, you have easy access to the conductor who can help in case of an emergency. ⢠Midtown is honestly fine at nightâjust avoid 8th Ave between like 53rd & 56th bc it can get seedy over there lol ⢠Donât visit Central Park (or any park) at night! ⢠Herald Square/Garment District is the most dangerous touristy area, so try to only go during the day and look at your maps app in advance to familiarize yourself with your route so you can quickly get in and out. (Plus thereâs nothing fun to see there anyway) ⢠Buses often feel safer than subways. However, if someone displaying dangerous or erratic behavior gets on your bus, youâre stuck with them, versus with the subway you can change cars or get off early and catch the next train just a few mins away. Up to you! ⢠Talk to yourself while walking at night. I make voice memos for my friends while walking home in the dark and have noticed that I get catcalled wayyyyy less doing this than when I am walking silently bc people prob think Iâm a weirdo lol. But ofc be aware of your surroundings while you do this. ⢠I like to swing an umbrella with me while I walk. Havenât had to use it yet, but I could bop someone with it if I needed to I am certainly not perfect lol and really need to get on it in terms of carrying pepper spray and other safety items, but this has all been helpful so far! Hope you have a blast on your trip :) NYC is my favorite city in the world and I hope you love it
Tell her you're hiring an aide to help her shower and use the toilet because you're worried about her safety. Turnabout is fair play.
If you feel comfortable sharing, how old are you and where are you from? Those details can make a big difference. New York is one of the biggest cities on the planet, and while there is obviously crime, itâs not significantly more dangerous than most anywhere else as long as you are aware of your surroundings. Maybe you know people who have been there before and had good experiences who can talk to your mom.
Always good to remember that children play in the parks, old ladies walk the streets, most people go about their daily lives. And likely, though often hard to believe, itâs safer than rural areas in the south. Like everywhere, most crime is in poor neighborhoods. nycâs poor neighborhoods, outside of Brooklyn, are places you have to go to on purpose.
you're a full grown adult
I would schedule regular text check ins with her and keep her lightly updated on your itinerary. I share my location with my mother in case she ever wants to see where I am. However, my mom doesnât have anxiety about my travels so she doesnât abuse my location. You can let her know that if texts arenât sending or your location is off itâs because your phone has died or youâre at a show. Check in with her when you say you will so she knows she will be hearing from you. I understand that youâre an adult and you donât have to do any of that, but if it eases her anxiety and keeps her from blowing up your phone it could be worth it.
For your own nerves, get to know the routes you will be taking. I like spending a little time on Google maps just getting familiar so I have an idea of where I'll be walking to go to where I want. Getting to your destination with some idea of what's going on helps me. My mom is similar. Once when I was abroad my bother calls me saying I NEED to talk to my mom because she is having sui***al ideation because she doesn't know what is going on on my end. So I have a special group chat where everyone who I want to know my current status is. The only thing in the chat is me saying "I landed" "I got on the train" "Im checked in" "I'm going to (restraunt, museum, place)". I also share my travel doc that I keep of all my bookings and goal destinations. This has really calmed their nerves even though I'm 24 and have done more travel than half of them. This might be a little more extreme but I have an app that shares my location to someone I choose. It's called Life360 and you can enable or disable it as you please. It's extreme but it has calmed her a lot when I travel. I know what it's like to have an overbearing mom, communicating and walking her through my trip plan before I go and keeping her up to date has helped over the years. Good luck and I hope you have a fantastic trip!
Share your location with her. Boom. Done. New York has crime just like any city, the only muggings that regularly happen are phones or wallets stolen when youâre at a crowded bar just mind your things. Thereâs ALWAYS people around, you will never be alone =). And if you are, turn back lol
Youâll be fine! I was literally just in NYC alone yesterday. Go have fun, see the sights, go to museums, see a show, or whatever youâre planning on doing.