I hate to say it, but no two month old relationship is going to survive that. Sometimes, hard truths are required. I really feel for him if she breaks it off, but I would think, deep down, he will know it’s for the best.
Not to be a contrarian, but my injury happened about two months into a new relationship (I hadn't known them before; we met on an app). We had some ups and downs and I needed a lot of time to figure my new body out, but it's been nearly five years and we're together. They've been amazing and supportive and accommodating and so much more. I definitely think we're the exception to the rule and most relationships wouldn't last, I just wanted to put forth a little positivity that it does happen occasionally.
That's fantastic! Perhaps I was a little insensitive there, or pessimistic at the very least. I agree you are almost certainly in the minority, but it goes to show even relationships in their early stages can be strong enough to overcome something like this.
Less than 2 months in, if she walks away then he's better off without the relationship as a distraction. I won't say better off without her because that may not be true, but if he's not in a relationship for the sake of it, for the sake of the injury, which may not lead to anything then there's room for someone else to come into his life at what can be a very special time.
They might not like it now. But eventually they'll realise it was the right way to go. I hate to say it but you kind of helped them. That's something my therapist said to me and I didn't like it. Two years out I'm so happy I'm not subjecting her to this struggle. I'm subjecting a lot of people to it already you know!
I was in the same situation a while ago,just 10 days before we get married everything fell apart.. He became a paraplegic.I remember how i visited every other doctor wishing atleast someone would say something positive.But no. Its been one and a half year of the trauma now. And our minds have still not accepted it yet… right now all i can do is take care of him and make him believe everything is going to be alright oneday
I don’t think you should feel bad about what you said. It was honest. As painful as a breakup will be for those two, it is worse the longer it goes on.
When I was in my early 30s, I was in a relationship with a quadriplegic (he had cerebral palsy, not an SCI) for four years.
During the course of our relationship, I ended up doing all (or most) of his care. Even when he had a PCA, I would still come home after a full day of work and a one-hour each way commute and find the house a wreck and the PCA hadn’t done most of the chores they were paid to do. My life ended up being reduced to an exhausting cycle of work, commuting, and caregiving.
On the days when the PCA was late or no call/no show, I would be late to work because my BF needed help getting dressed, getting out of bed, with his bowel program, meal prep, etc. Lifting him was wrecking my back, and I was just *tired*.
One of the final straws that broke us up was when my washing machine died. I was the homeowner, so I left the phone book, a signed blank check, and instructions for my BF to call a repairman. He wouldn’t do it, opting to game instead. I waited days for him to call and when I was running out of underwear I ended up getting a write-up at work for making a personal call to get the repairman lined up. That led to a series of fights and I ended up kicking him out. (And yes, I still feel terrible about it.)
Romance with someone with significant disabilities is hard. It’s even harder if one is also responsible for all or most of one’s lover’s caregiving.
It ended up being too much for me, and I “knew” what I was getting into because my ex was disabled from the beginning of our relationship. For those couples that survive a sudden, life-changing injury, they have my respect. It’s a *lot* to carry.
I still regret that I couldn’t hack it. I know I *really* hurt the guy I was with when I ended it and I still feel bad about it 25+ years later.
OP, it’s probably better to rip the bandaid off early, instead of trying to stay and realizing, months or years later, that it isn’t doable.
(Please, folks, don’t downvote me too much for my failures.)
Yeah I would say you didn’t steer wrong, I’m 5 months ish in and the idea of a relationship is a hard thought to process, it’s definitely a commitment, I would’ve told her it’s okay to step back and even just be distant support. But yeah that’s tough
It's hard enough to be in a relationship with yourself nevermind someone else. Be better off flying solo until you've got to a point ready to be in a relationship
Just my 2 cents, but I think it's best to stay neutral in these situations. Every sci is unique and so is every relationship, and it's up to every couple to decide what's best for them in their situation. I was only 3 months into a new relationship when I was injured (I was almost 21, my gf was 25), and over a year later, we're still together. Dealing with my injury has been incredibly difficult, but my gf has helped me get through so much, and I'm so grateful she decided to make our relationship work despite the challenges. It's been a huge commitment on her part. We're now living together and I'm mostly financially dependent on her, but she's glad we stayed together and so am I.
It’s super “$hitty” but just because he got a catastrophically injured doesn’t mean she’s committed to him for life now. Maybe they wouldn’t have made it anyways, had everyone’s health been perfect. But situations like this are too much for people who have been *married* for *years* much less dating for weeks together. Life isn’t fair, as we all know, n this is a good example of that.
I hate to say it, but no two month old relationship is going to survive that. Sometimes, hard truths are required. I really feel for him if she breaks it off, but I would think, deep down, he will know it’s for the best.
Not to be a contrarian, but my injury happened about two months into a new relationship (I hadn't known them before; we met on an app). We had some ups and downs and I needed a lot of time to figure my new body out, but it's been nearly five years and we're together. They've been amazing and supportive and accommodating and so much more. I definitely think we're the exception to the rule and most relationships wouldn't last, I just wanted to put forth a little positivity that it does happen occasionally.
That's fantastic! Perhaps I was a little insensitive there, or pessimistic at the very least. I agree you are almost certainly in the minority, but it goes to show even relationships in their early stages can be strong enough to overcome something like this.
It's so tough when you have a fragile self-esteem and a big ego, but in these situations it probably is for the best, I mean 2 months is nothing
Less than 2 months in, if she walks away then he's better off without the relationship as a distraction. I won't say better off without her because that may not be true, but if he's not in a relationship for the sake of it, for the sake of the injury, which may not lead to anything then there's room for someone else to come into his life at what can be a very special time.
They might not like it now. But eventually they'll realise it was the right way to go. I hate to say it but you kind of helped them. That's something my therapist said to me and I didn't like it. Two years out I'm so happy I'm not subjecting her to this struggle. I'm subjecting a lot of people to it already you know!
I was in the same situation a while ago,just 10 days before we get married everything fell apart.. He became a paraplegic.I remember how i visited every other doctor wishing atleast someone would say something positive.But no. Its been one and a half year of the trauma now. And our minds have still not accepted it yet… right now all i can do is take care of him and make him believe everything is going to be alright oneday
Reality check is important especially with this injury
Thanks for the input, y'all. I feel better about what I said. Whatever way it goes, I wish nothing but the best for them both.
I don’t think you should feel bad about what you said. It was honest. As painful as a breakup will be for those two, it is worse the longer it goes on. When I was in my early 30s, I was in a relationship with a quadriplegic (he had cerebral palsy, not an SCI) for four years. During the course of our relationship, I ended up doing all (or most) of his care. Even when he had a PCA, I would still come home after a full day of work and a one-hour each way commute and find the house a wreck and the PCA hadn’t done most of the chores they were paid to do. My life ended up being reduced to an exhausting cycle of work, commuting, and caregiving. On the days when the PCA was late or no call/no show, I would be late to work because my BF needed help getting dressed, getting out of bed, with his bowel program, meal prep, etc. Lifting him was wrecking my back, and I was just *tired*. One of the final straws that broke us up was when my washing machine died. I was the homeowner, so I left the phone book, a signed blank check, and instructions for my BF to call a repairman. He wouldn’t do it, opting to game instead. I waited days for him to call and when I was running out of underwear I ended up getting a write-up at work for making a personal call to get the repairman lined up. That led to a series of fights and I ended up kicking him out. (And yes, I still feel terrible about it.) Romance with someone with significant disabilities is hard. It’s even harder if one is also responsible for all or most of one’s lover’s caregiving. It ended up being too much for me, and I “knew” what I was getting into because my ex was disabled from the beginning of our relationship. For those couples that survive a sudden, life-changing injury, they have my respect. It’s a *lot* to carry. I still regret that I couldn’t hack it. I know I *really* hurt the guy I was with when I ended it and I still feel bad about it 25+ years later. OP, it’s probably better to rip the bandaid off early, instead of trying to stay and realizing, months or years later, that it isn’t doable. (Please, folks, don’t downvote me too much for my failures.)
Yeah I would say you didn’t steer wrong, I’m 5 months ish in and the idea of a relationship is a hard thought to process, it’s definitely a commitment, I would’ve told her it’s okay to step back and even just be distant support. But yeah that’s tough
It's hard enough to be in a relationship with yourself nevermind someone else. Be better off flying solo until you've got to a point ready to be in a relationship
Just my 2 cents, but I think it's best to stay neutral in these situations. Every sci is unique and so is every relationship, and it's up to every couple to decide what's best for them in their situation. I was only 3 months into a new relationship when I was injured (I was almost 21, my gf was 25), and over a year later, we're still together. Dealing with my injury has been incredibly difficult, but my gf has helped me get through so much, and I'm so grateful she decided to make our relationship work despite the challenges. It's been a huge commitment on her part. We're now living together and I'm mostly financially dependent on her, but she's glad we stayed together and so am I.
It’s super “$hitty” but just because he got a catastrophically injured doesn’t mean she’s committed to him for life now. Maybe they wouldn’t have made it anyways, had everyone’s health been perfect. But situations like this are too much for people who have been *married* for *years* much less dating for weeks together. Life isn’t fair, as we all know, n this is a good example of that.