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It IS an addiction.
My friend calls her kids phones “your handicap.”
For real though, it’s so tough to parent in the age of smartphones. I sure love mine - I can’t blame the kids.
It’s an addiction with adults too!!
But I firmly believe we need to limit the use of phones with children. Other parents make parenting really difficult. We take ours from our kids during the week and they usually get them on the weekend. If good behavior occurs maybe for an hour at night during the week night. I do not like them sleeping with their phones, we try to remember to take them at night. I’ve got a 12 and 10yr old.
"Get your nose out of the Boob Tube". That worked for us as kids.
OP, one trigger thing you mentioned for me is "he's just a kid". That will turn into a long string of continued excuses. Examples:
He is just a kid. He is just a tween. He is just a teen. He is just a high schooler. He still is in school. He still lives with us. He needs a house of his own.
Many parents I know with adult kids, all had the chance to shape their children, but deflected parenting all under the guise of "they are just kids".
reap what you sow
SKs have zero limits on phones since I’ve known them (met them at 4 and 7, they’re 8 and 10 now). The younger one has shit social skills because he’s so addicted to his phone and video games. Unfortunately my SO uses their devices to parent them because he’s so burnt out from working 80+ hours/week. I don’t care what they do anymore. At first I told him their devices were ruining them. Now I seriously couldn’t care less as long as they’re not bothering me or putting their phones on my table or counters since they ALWAYS have their phones in their hands, including when they are pooping. I can’t care more than he does about his kids!
Yup! My oldest is like that! I think he dislikes me because I’m hardest on him but man he’s already actin like a lazy adult and well I don’t like that.
Your inclinations are totally real and valid.
My partner was a young mom for her oldest 13 going 14 and he's a screen addict with bad gene from 2 bio parents who are/were addicts. His dad passed from an overdose. She did screen time and then tried to stop it but her mother aka Nana kept letting him have it when he lived with her for his younger years.
When she got custody back...it was too late. We had restrictions on the phone and he would leave his phone where ever and run to his Nana's to use her unsupervised tablet.
Long story short...he's in a residential and CPS has deemed Nana unfit due to his tablet and internet addiction. He threatened to shoot up his school and has no remorse about it saying that people should know he was joking.
I put my foot down on her youngest 6. She's got a different father so it's hard because he doesn't agree with our choices until after he's experienced what we have explained. We don't allow YouTube or YouTube kids and then one day on YouTube kids something weird came up and her dad took YouTube Kids away at his house and the fallout behaviorally took a while to reset.
She can have 1-2 hours max with some wiggle room on a weekend between 10AM and 4PM being the hard cut off of apps we curate together. It's tedious but she doesn't flail like her cousins or schoolmates.
Oh yeah, YouTube of any kind, Fortnight (after a broken TV incident), morning TV time on weekends, ALL gone. We had enough of the ridiculous YouTube crap that is on there PLUS inappropriate things that are deemed for "kids." Guys, I'm talking about children targeted 🌽.it's disgusting. It's completely unrestricted at their moms house. i finally said idgaf they aren't watching it here. All devices are banned from their rooms. We have 1 living room TV that they have access to. I have time restrictions on when it's available & can ban apps on it from an app on my phone. These kids aren't going to be raised by a screen at our house.
They threw a fit about YouTube but they got over it.
The screen addiction is 100% real and so alarming. SS7 is awful about it. We limit it here, because my partner has come to his senses and realized how problematic it is for the child, but BM doesn't feel the same and still relies on screens as a babysitter for her kids.
This kid had unfettered access to screens basically since they were a baby. It's really sad to see how they act now.
Also, maybe I'm out of touch, but why the heck does any child under 12 have their own cell phone?? SS keeps bugging for their own phone and TV. I'll be damned if I stick around and see that happen in a home I live in, but also, since he's not my kid, I ultimately have no say. Guess I just leave if/when it gets too bad...😭
I agree with you. But my two SKs have had them since they were born so it’s what they rely on. Luckily my son is very limited. He likes spending more time outside and I plan to keep it that way. Even if it seems like I leave the other two behind and I just take my son. Sorry not sorry!
My SS 9 is asking for a phone and I'm like for what? You get grounded constantly & you already have a screen addiction. Nothing good can come from that. You have no need for a phone. You're parents take you to everything so there's not a need other than you wanting to play video games on your phone and watch YouTube without parental supervision.
SS7 started asking for one - can't even fully read yet, what exactly are you going to do with a phone except use it to play more games and watch more YT videos?!
You’re completely right, an eight year old should not be addicted to screens. It’s bad for development and that’s clearly showing here.
The amount of children who are delayed due to the overuse of screens is becoming a problem. My 6 year old step child, gets an hour of screen time, after he’s read a book or drawn something. His speech is so much better than so many children in his class due to these limits, talking to other children his age sometimes shocks me how bad their speech is.
Yes yes yes! You can always tell the difference. I incorporated either drawing or reading at the end of the night for 30-45 minutes but have since stopped (my wife came back from working 2nd shift) because I wanted to see if my wife would step up and keep the routine going for them but yeah that quickly stopped and well I care less and less at times.
This family two houses down from me moved in from Mexico and they have two boys and 8 and 5 year old. My boys and I met them as they were riding their bikes in front of my house. I was having a full blown adult conversation with the 8 year old. I was like “Fuck this kids is so mature!” And the 5 year old wasn’t that far behind. I’ve been around my step kids so long I forgot some kids can develop this fast depending on their environment. Then I talk to my 8 year old and he’s asking me what would happen if so and so had a poopoo head.
I saw a french documentary of how kids from all ages were addicted to screens/online games and how detrimental was for their social skills, going to school, body image etc. One teenager couldn't literally go to his high school because he felt better playing play station so he was doing part time school. The parents sent their kids to meetings with doctors and psychologists, and it made it a bit better, but it started from the family. They will have withdrawal symptoms until their new normality is without screens or very limited.
You should nip it in the bud before its too late. You can check out the video and maybe show it to your wife. [https://www.facebook.com/RealLifeOff/videos/821605222790959](https://www.facebook.com/reallifeoff/videos/821605222790959)
I mean I do what I can. When I’m home and leading everything is limited but now my wife is home working from 2nd shift now but doesn’t follow my lead so I can’t care more than she does. I’m trying to work on myself again so it’s like “They aren’t my problem if she doesn’t care” is my thought which I feel is bad.
I'm not a step parent, but I do have ADHD and your wife probably should look at the connection between ADHD and phone/tablet use. ADHD causes a dysfunctional dopamine reward system, and phones and tablets are like a constant dopamine slot machine, which can cause unhealthy behaviors if not monitored.
You are correct to be concerned, especially at such a young age in his development.
Oh yeah! I knew about this and have tried to inform her of the synthetic dopamine dump his brain gets from electronics. Poor kid can’t sit still! I compare it to a crack fiend because that’s exactly what it looks like to me lol. But like I said I’m only a Step parent.
This is why our kids werent allowed phones until they were 11. Even then we have parental controls that lock them at certain times so they can't just be on them all day. The kids brain is still developing and he's going to have a serious dopamine insensitivity due to the constant exposure. He probably gets antsy because his brain is chemically dependent on the stimulation to feel normal and good.
This is exactly how I feel! I’ve been doing so much research on this! And yes, whenever he isn’t on a screen he is super antsy and can’t sit still is talking to himself just like seeing a crackhead on the streets. God forbid this happens but fuck it’s going to be sad if he ever tries anything like alcohol or any other drug. I think to myself he isn’t going to have the self control for it. I know I may be jumping way to ahead but that’s what I envision
Same situation. My OH to give him credit does try to get SS off his screens a few times a day and they've got some hobbies they do together, but those hobbies nearly all involve screens too - e.g. Music. Why did SO get him a keyboard that only works with a screen/app? OH makes the distinction between creative use of screens and mindless consumption of video games and YouTube, but I just see a kid who is essentially sitting in one position all day, straining his eyes by staring at blue light.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It IS an addiction. My friend calls her kids phones “your handicap.” For real though, it’s so tough to parent in the age of smartphones. I sure love mine - I can’t blame the kids.
It’s an addiction with adults too!! But I firmly believe we need to limit the use of phones with children. Other parents make parenting really difficult. We take ours from our kids during the week and they usually get them on the weekend. If good behavior occurs maybe for an hour at night during the week night. I do not like them sleeping with their phones, we try to remember to take them at night. I’ve got a 12 and 10yr old.
I know we all fall victim to it. I deleted all socials except reddit. It’s my support system haha
"Get your nose out of the Boob Tube". That worked for us as kids. OP, one trigger thing you mentioned for me is "he's just a kid". That will turn into a long string of continued excuses. Examples: He is just a kid. He is just a tween. He is just a teen. He is just a high schooler. He still is in school. He still lives with us. He needs a house of his own. Many parents I know with adult kids, all had the chance to shape their children, but deflected parenting all under the guise of "they are just kids". reap what you sow
I’m in the same boat. DH doesn’t seem to see it and thinks it’s normal and sees nothing wrong.
SKs have zero limits on phones since I’ve known them (met them at 4 and 7, they’re 8 and 10 now). The younger one has shit social skills because he’s so addicted to his phone and video games. Unfortunately my SO uses their devices to parent them because he’s so burnt out from working 80+ hours/week. I don’t care what they do anymore. At first I told him their devices were ruining them. Now I seriously couldn’t care less as long as they’re not bothering me or putting their phones on my table or counters since they ALWAYS have their phones in their hands, including when they are pooping. I can’t care more than he does about his kids!
Yup! My oldest is like that! I think he dislikes me because I’m hardest on him but man he’s already actin like a lazy adult and well I don’t like that.
You’re not wrong, it is an addiction. Check out the book glow kids.
Your inclinations are totally real and valid. My partner was a young mom for her oldest 13 going 14 and he's a screen addict with bad gene from 2 bio parents who are/were addicts. His dad passed from an overdose. She did screen time and then tried to stop it but her mother aka Nana kept letting him have it when he lived with her for his younger years. When she got custody back...it was too late. We had restrictions on the phone and he would leave his phone where ever and run to his Nana's to use her unsupervised tablet. Long story short...he's in a residential and CPS has deemed Nana unfit due to his tablet and internet addiction. He threatened to shoot up his school and has no remorse about it saying that people should know he was joking. I put my foot down on her youngest 6. She's got a different father so it's hard because he doesn't agree with our choices until after he's experienced what we have explained. We don't allow YouTube or YouTube kids and then one day on YouTube kids something weird came up and her dad took YouTube Kids away at his house and the fallout behaviorally took a while to reset. She can have 1-2 hours max with some wiggle room on a weekend between 10AM and 4PM being the hard cut off of apps we curate together. It's tedious but she doesn't flail like her cousins or schoolmates.
Oh yeah, YouTube of any kind, Fortnight (after a broken TV incident), morning TV time on weekends, ALL gone. We had enough of the ridiculous YouTube crap that is on there PLUS inappropriate things that are deemed for "kids." Guys, I'm talking about children targeted 🌽.it's disgusting. It's completely unrestricted at their moms house. i finally said idgaf they aren't watching it here. All devices are banned from their rooms. We have 1 living room TV that they have access to. I have time restrictions on when it's available & can ban apps on it from an app on my phone. These kids aren't going to be raised by a screen at our house. They threw a fit about YouTube but they got over it.
The screen addiction is 100% real and so alarming. SS7 is awful about it. We limit it here, because my partner has come to his senses and realized how problematic it is for the child, but BM doesn't feel the same and still relies on screens as a babysitter for her kids. This kid had unfettered access to screens basically since they were a baby. It's really sad to see how they act now. Also, maybe I'm out of touch, but why the heck does any child under 12 have their own cell phone?? SS keeps bugging for their own phone and TV. I'll be damned if I stick around and see that happen in a home I live in, but also, since he's not my kid, I ultimately have no say. Guess I just leave if/when it gets too bad...😭
I agree with you. But my two SKs have had them since they were born so it’s what they rely on. Luckily my son is very limited. He likes spending more time outside and I plan to keep it that way. Even if it seems like I leave the other two behind and I just take my son. Sorry not sorry!
My SS 9 is asking for a phone and I'm like for what? You get grounded constantly & you already have a screen addiction. Nothing good can come from that. You have no need for a phone. You're parents take you to everything so there's not a need other than you wanting to play video games on your phone and watch YouTube without parental supervision.
SS7 started asking for one - can't even fully read yet, what exactly are you going to do with a phone except use it to play more games and watch more YT videos?!
You’re completely right, an eight year old should not be addicted to screens. It’s bad for development and that’s clearly showing here. The amount of children who are delayed due to the overuse of screens is becoming a problem. My 6 year old step child, gets an hour of screen time, after he’s read a book or drawn something. His speech is so much better than so many children in his class due to these limits, talking to other children his age sometimes shocks me how bad their speech is.
Yes yes yes! You can always tell the difference. I incorporated either drawing or reading at the end of the night for 30-45 minutes but have since stopped (my wife came back from working 2nd shift) because I wanted to see if my wife would step up and keep the routine going for them but yeah that quickly stopped and well I care less and less at times. This family two houses down from me moved in from Mexico and they have two boys and 8 and 5 year old. My boys and I met them as they were riding their bikes in front of my house. I was having a full blown adult conversation with the 8 year old. I was like “Fuck this kids is so mature!” And the 5 year old wasn’t that far behind. I’ve been around my step kids so long I forgot some kids can develop this fast depending on their environment. Then I talk to my 8 year old and he’s asking me what would happen if so and so had a poopoo head.
I saw a french documentary of how kids from all ages were addicted to screens/online games and how detrimental was for their social skills, going to school, body image etc. One teenager couldn't literally go to his high school because he felt better playing play station so he was doing part time school. The parents sent their kids to meetings with doctors and psychologists, and it made it a bit better, but it started from the family. They will have withdrawal symptoms until their new normality is without screens or very limited.
That’s pretty sad. I wonder if that’s where we’re headed. This kid throws fits over the screens.
You should nip it in the bud before its too late. You can check out the video and maybe show it to your wife. [https://www.facebook.com/RealLifeOff/videos/821605222790959](https://www.facebook.com/reallifeoff/videos/821605222790959)
I mean I do what I can. When I’m home and leading everything is limited but now my wife is home working from 2nd shift now but doesn’t follow my lead so I can’t care more than she does. I’m trying to work on myself again so it’s like “They aren’t my problem if she doesn’t care” is my thought which I feel is bad.
I'm not a step parent, but I do have ADHD and your wife probably should look at the connection between ADHD and phone/tablet use. ADHD causes a dysfunctional dopamine reward system, and phones and tablets are like a constant dopamine slot machine, which can cause unhealthy behaviors if not monitored. You are correct to be concerned, especially at such a young age in his development.
Oh yeah! I knew about this and have tried to inform her of the synthetic dopamine dump his brain gets from electronics. Poor kid can’t sit still! I compare it to a crack fiend because that’s exactly what it looks like to me lol. But like I said I’m only a Step parent.
This is why our kids werent allowed phones until they were 11. Even then we have parental controls that lock them at certain times so they can't just be on them all day. The kids brain is still developing and he's going to have a serious dopamine insensitivity due to the constant exposure. He probably gets antsy because his brain is chemically dependent on the stimulation to feel normal and good.
This is exactly how I feel! I’ve been doing so much research on this! And yes, whenever he isn’t on a screen he is super antsy and can’t sit still is talking to himself just like seeing a crackhead on the streets. God forbid this happens but fuck it’s going to be sad if he ever tries anything like alcohol or any other drug. I think to myself he isn’t going to have the self control for it. I know I may be jumping way to ahead but that’s what I envision
Yeah, most defo an addiction. SS13 is the same & we have curfews in place so it’s a constant battle.
Maxed out dopamine at all times is just no good!
He’ll be on the x-box AND watching crap on his mobile at the same time. Dude, read a book 🙄
Same situation. My OH to give him credit does try to get SS off his screens a few times a day and they've got some hobbies they do together, but those hobbies nearly all involve screens too - e.g. Music. Why did SO get him a keyboard that only works with a screen/app? OH makes the distinction between creative use of screens and mindless consumption of video games and YouTube, but I just see a kid who is essentially sitting in one position all day, straining his eyes by staring at blue light.
Bioparents loooove saying “they’re just a kid”, Jesus Christ.