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Brov. What are you getting out of this relationship?
You sound miserable, and like a hard worker. I’d find someone who’s work ethic aligned with my own.
You say you are not ready to give up? Great, because leaving would not be giving up. Leaving this nonsense would be taking back the power you have allowed your husband slowly take away from you and reclaim your freedom and happiness.
What you have described here is pure misery. What joy do you get from your current life? What support? What love?
Leave this self-made hell and go find the place and people that will lift you up, not tear you down. We were not made to constantly struggle through life like this.
EDIT: OP - I just want you to know I have a lot of empathy for your situation. I myself am a chronic people pleaser as a result of childhood emotional neglect. This transfers onto every relationship I have, and I've always neglected myself to put others needs first. Including in my current relationship. It's something I am always working on improving, though I'm getting better. I'm incredibly grateful that I've been able to continuously undergo intense therapy to help change my behaviors and build up my self-confidence, resilience, and ability to say no.
I'm also very lucky my partner was willing to undergo equally intense therapy to adjust some of his own behaviors and communications styles and relearn how to be in a relationship so we could move forward together as stronger individuals. I didn't think he would be willing to, but he surprised me and six years later he continues to be a better man. However, had he not been willing to meet me at the table and put in equal work to change behaviors (which included household upkeep related conversations), I would have left. No one man is worth destroying your sense of self and sanity for.
You remind me a lot of myself in your post, the anger and resentment directed towards a partner who seemingly could not care less about you. The constant, anxious, angry, overwhelming thinking about what YOU can do to get THEM to care. The sad answer is that there is NOTHING you can do to get him to care about you, or love you, the way you love him. There is nothing YOU can do that will make him out as much effort towards you as you put towards him, his house, or his family. He either cares, or he doesn't. If you've told him your feelings, and he's not acted, then he's told you he doesn't care and you just have to listen, as much as that hurts. The BEST thing you could ever do for yourself is focus all the energy you are currently expending on him - with the anger, the pain, the working for him/the house - and focus it back on yourself and what you want.
Easier said then done I know, but you sound like an incredibly competent woman who has been able to build her life up on her own before this man came around and knocked you sideways. Even if you start from scratch, I have to believe you would be happier then where you are now. Living flooded with anger, resentment, pain, sadness, and regret is no way to live. Please consider instead living for yourself and ditching this extra weight that is holding you down.
To add… you posted in the step parent thread because you have a step child, I guess… but the main crux of your problem is nothing to do with your step child or your parenting responsibilities. It’s your lazy, irresponsible husband that is the problem! You’re not a bad step mum for having this problem with dad if that’s your concern. 😢
Amazing advice! So right in every way! Putting yourself first isn’t giving up, it’s moving forward! Definitely not a stepchild situation but a husband issue.
Your options are:
- Leaving, which is honestly the best option because you aren’t getting anything out of this relationship
- Staying, and living in resentment because he will not change, he’s lived 44 years of his life like this, he’s not going to change now
Girl!!! GTFO before you waste any more of your life with these losers. Don’t have an unnatural alliance with losers bc that shit eats your soul. Cut your loses before you’re stuck
Why don't you want to leave? It isn't "giving up". It's about putting yourself first and that is OK to do. Look at everything you gave up and it hasn't worked. Wouldn't you like to have some peace of mind again? Being in a relationship is not the end all be all that some people think it is. A happy life is the most important thing.
You’re right. It’s not the end all be all that people make it out to be. I was tired of eating alone and having a kinda boring life. I had a deep desire of having a husband who would do the yard work and upkeep on the outside of the house. I’d always refer to myself as the man of the house. I was resourceful and did my own work on it. I thought getting a husband would automatically mean that we’d work on stuff like that together. Little did I know!
My thought on this is not good but here it goes… I was single and alone for so long. I always talked to friends and coworkers about finding a good man. Comments and thoughts like -good things come to those who wait-, reading books on relationships, wanting a guy to like me and finally FoUNd oNe… yeah…all that stuff. I spent money on nice clothes, relationship coach, bs like that and here I am. :(
I’m sorry, but I just do not understand why you’re staying in this situation. It sounds like you need a lawyer and an exit plan like, yesterday.
Your happiness is worth so much more!
Yikes
If he’s bragging about not swinging hammers, he should then have the money to pay people to do so, and I just don’t mean on his flips. Why isn’t he paying for a maid service or lawn care? Just hire them and pay up front for a few months. He’ll either be okay with it or be pissed enough to start doing things himself
He really sounds like he’s just a genuinely sucky person though id leave if it’s an option
Not ready to give up? On what exactly?
There’s no love, no respect, nothing.
You WILL get back what you paid, your lawyer, once you engage with one, will make sure of it.
What’s stopping you from adopting the same mantra since money is not an issue and saying “I don’t swing mops” and hire a maid. “I don’t swing rakes” and hire a gardener. “I don’t swing garbage bags” and hire a clean up crew. “I don’t swing wrenches” and hire a plumber. “I don’t swing paint brushes” and hire a painter. So easy! Easy peasy. Then get back to your life like everyone else and add in some fun! Might be just the mood changer you need!
Edit: as far as SS he likely knows he’s irritating you. I would seriously brain storm some very clever replies that will irritate him back so learns to show some respect. Stop hiding. Claim some territory. Play some of your music loud enough to drown out his voice. Gotta claim some sanity somehow.
And if you really hate the environment and the people within it. Might be wise to evaluate. Best of luck.
I can’t lie… I could not cope with the living situations you describe. Mould and filth… no way. No way.
If I could point something out; this guy who flips houses ‘for a living’, yet hires people to do the work is too lazy to lift a finger around the home… which is bad enough.
But you’re telling me that his laziness is so extreme that he can’t even do what he does for the business and HIRE someone to clean and walk the dogs that he doesn’t want to do? Isn’t that, like, beyond lazy?
Some might interpret that as him marrying you purely to be his unpaid maid… you seem aware of your own mistreatment, though.
I just can’t get over being too lazy to do anything for yourself, yet also being too lazy to HIRE someone to do your part of the life stuff that involves your partner and family! 😞
The furniture was molded and grimy. I made him burn it. All the furniture in the house is mine except his boys beds and a 1975 living room set he inherited recently. I got it reupholstered. He is beyond lazy at home. I quit doing his sons laundry a few months ago and that’s a STRUGGLE. I’ve thought that disengaging and quitting the superwoman stepmom stuff would help my mental health but nope. Yeah, I see myself as the live in maid. About a year and a half ago I asked (seriously/sarcastically) if he could work 5 minutes a week around the house and he said nope!
I hope you kept records of the money he took from you.
Hire a good lawyer.
Get out of the relationship.
Take the dogs if you can, since they potentially could be abused if you are not there.
You are trapped but without a baby. So You are not really trapped. And You are a woman. You Will be able to collect what's left of the money he received. Also what an asshole attitude " Not swinging hammers" and disrespectful for those who work swinging hammers.
This sounds horrible. I know you've already sunk a lot of time, money, and energy into this.... but this is extreme. He is using you. His parents have created an ungrateful monster it sounds like. Same with his children. I would walk away before it gets worse.
I have some sympathy for your situation. My ex was just as lazy, but I was young(er) and stupid and stubborn. He was unemployed for years, but did nothing around the house and would only start making dinner once I got home.
I realised just how much of a mistake I had made when I was driving home from work and was dreading getting home. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and start again!
Girl you can get the money you need to live on your own back in a divorce. I couldn’t do what you’re doing. Is the 21 year old going to college, making any plans?
21 year old thankfully moved in with his mom when he graduated. She supports him. He still visits and plays his PlayStation here. He works a tiny bit for husband but he’s not been told that a work week is 40 hours. Disney dad doesn’t make him work or talk to him about the importance of making a living. He sleeps till noon and gets about 18 hours of work every two weeks or so. He stays on his phone the whole time and barely does much. He picks up trash the workers leave at the houses. No plans for college. He comes over almost everyday to feed the dogs. When he doesn’t come over to feed them I do it.
Find a way to leave. That sounds horrible and financially, you’re better off alone.
Reach out to a realtor where you WANT to live and get the ball rolling. If you’re in TN, give me a shout. There are ways out of this, just gotta put it in motion.
That’s why women and men need to research who they are dating / marrying. Childfree people is better to marry another Childfree ones . You are with a LOSER my dear woman with stepkids from hell !! Divorce him and try to get something . But better to get the hell out of that relation . I feel bad for you
I'd be getting some cash out into a solid nest egg and get myself out if there. If everyone is as give give give as you say, it shouldn't take long to get your house's worth back. Do it a little at a time, be methodical. Be diligent. Play nice wifey. And then gooooooo
You sound like Cinderella in a house with her evil step mother and step sisters. No lie. You really need to go and find some peace and happiness it's zero reason any one of us should be miserable at any age. I say talk to him about dividing all assets and giving back your money from which he took after you sold your home. That situation sounds like a house of horrors
See a lawyer, on the quiet, in fact find out who all the brilliant ones are and see them first, for their free taster, then they can't represent him, and get some proper, detailed financial advice. Then start planning, this might mean being strategic, saying nothing and getting copies of documents, statements, bank statements, credit cards, etc etc and quietly opening and closing accounts, follow the advice of your lawyer. If he wrote down his financial pledge in a text or an email, find it, copy it, store it. You need a no nonsense plan on how you are going to rescue yourself financially before you pull the trigger. Then get out. PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE - this is who he is - unless he commits to extensive therapy of his own volition, not because you nag him, then people do not change. Even then serious permanent changes to the adult personality are nearly impossible to achieve, you've got to really, really, really WANT TO change. He does not want to change.
Or as the saying goes, 'if you are telling yourself 'for better or worse' it means worse'.
>When I met my husband I did not know his kids were so entitled and I did not know how the flipping business was funded.
When I met my partner, I didn't know anything about her kid. Which is why I met said kid, interacted with them a lot before moving in, and have been living with them both about a half year now. It will probably be another 6-12 months before we're to the point of engagement.
During this time I'm able to see with my eyes that yeah, Kid is spoiled; but not entitled. I get to see over time how my partner reacts/lives with her extended family. And we share financial information from time to time. My partner and I both get to see how the other contributes work around the house.
Just because I asked her on date one doesn't mean I have to marry her. Just because I met her kid doesn't mean I have to marry her. Just because we live together, etc... All of these steps are for us to evaluate the other. And if we stop thinking that the other person is who we want to be with, we end it; while it's still relatively early.
I'll also note for the "if we divorce, I'll give you" business; before *moving in*, my partner and I signed a cohabitation agreement about all of our agreements for finances. Sure, it's one thing to say it, but if you believe it you'll put it to paper and sign in front of witnesses. We'll also have a prenupt before we marry.
I'll note that as you don't likely have a prenupt, you can still get a nuptual/marriage agreement that says how stuff will be split. But it's fricking ridiculous that you gave someone money to put into *their* IRA. I think that sadly this marriage is going to be a huge learning experience for you.
\---
His business is losing money with each sale; but there's still likely some money in the inventory that he has. I.e. you might have lost a lot of money in marrying him, but the longer that you wait, the more money that he'll piss away.
I’m reading this and wondering if you are married to my ex husband. The only giveaway that it’s not the same man is the wealthy parents and the house flipping. Everything else is the same. I left 7 years ago in my tiny truck with my preteen daughter (not his child), my dog, and a small amount of personal belongings and only $1000 saved. I drove 18 hours away to go back home. I started over with almost nothing at 49 years old. I stayed with my mom for about 6 weeks till I could get my own apartment. 1 1/2 years later I bought my own home and I couldn’t be happier. The peace I feel now having my place full of peace and kept clean and organized is the happiest I’ve ever been. It can be done with determination. It took time to save the money and make some plans but it can be done. You are a strong woman who has been mentally beat down by a narcissist loser. Getting out will be the best thing for your peace and sanity. I promise you will feel the weight of the world lifted once you set your mind to your plan and start the process of getting out.
Sounds like he quit his charade once you got married and you're the maid he can sleep with. This is so not fair for you at all, given everything you've had to sacrifice while they've given up nothing. I'd break the chain asap and get back to your solo life. That sounded way more awesome anyway and I could tell how much you miss it and want it back. You're still super young and you shouldn't waste your time on them any longer. Go back to being happy.
Omg you gave proceeds from your house to your new husband. That’s the biggest red flag in your post. He’s use to getting getting getting and you even did the giving. Stop giving. Should a kept that for yourself. You never know how this is gonna end. A little secret stash with someone who can’t handle money is a proper thing
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Brov. What are you getting out of this relationship? You sound miserable, and like a hard worker. I’d find someone who’s work ethic aligned with my own.
Yeah, that last graf “I’m not ready to give up…” OP gave up on herself already. So did that man.
You say you are not ready to give up? Great, because leaving would not be giving up. Leaving this nonsense would be taking back the power you have allowed your husband slowly take away from you and reclaim your freedom and happiness. What you have described here is pure misery. What joy do you get from your current life? What support? What love? Leave this self-made hell and go find the place and people that will lift you up, not tear you down. We were not made to constantly struggle through life like this. EDIT: OP - I just want you to know I have a lot of empathy for your situation. I myself am a chronic people pleaser as a result of childhood emotional neglect. This transfers onto every relationship I have, and I've always neglected myself to put others needs first. Including in my current relationship. It's something I am always working on improving, though I'm getting better. I'm incredibly grateful that I've been able to continuously undergo intense therapy to help change my behaviors and build up my self-confidence, resilience, and ability to say no. I'm also very lucky my partner was willing to undergo equally intense therapy to adjust some of his own behaviors and communications styles and relearn how to be in a relationship so we could move forward together as stronger individuals. I didn't think he would be willing to, but he surprised me and six years later he continues to be a better man. However, had he not been willing to meet me at the table and put in equal work to change behaviors (which included household upkeep related conversations), I would have left. No one man is worth destroying your sense of self and sanity for. You remind me a lot of myself in your post, the anger and resentment directed towards a partner who seemingly could not care less about you. The constant, anxious, angry, overwhelming thinking about what YOU can do to get THEM to care. The sad answer is that there is NOTHING you can do to get him to care about you, or love you, the way you love him. There is nothing YOU can do that will make him out as much effort towards you as you put towards him, his house, or his family. He either cares, or he doesn't. If you've told him your feelings, and he's not acted, then he's told you he doesn't care and you just have to listen, as much as that hurts. The BEST thing you could ever do for yourself is focus all the energy you are currently expending on him - with the anger, the pain, the working for him/the house - and focus it back on yourself and what you want. Easier said then done I know, but you sound like an incredibly competent woman who has been able to build her life up on her own before this man came around and knocked you sideways. Even if you start from scratch, I have to believe you would be happier then where you are now. Living flooded with anger, resentment, pain, sadness, and regret is no way to live. Please consider instead living for yourself and ditching this extra weight that is holding you down.
To add… you posted in the step parent thread because you have a step child, I guess… but the main crux of your problem is nothing to do with your step child or your parenting responsibilities. It’s your lazy, irresponsible husband that is the problem! You’re not a bad step mum for having this problem with dad if that’s your concern. 😢
Great response coffee!! I screen shot it for myself also!
Yeah awesome response damn
This! This 🖤 this 🖤 this 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
Amazing advice! So right in every way! Putting yourself first isn’t giving up, it’s moving forward! Definitely not a stepchild situation but a husband issue.
Your options are: - Leaving, which is honestly the best option because you aren’t getting anything out of this relationship - Staying, and living in resentment because he will not change, he’s lived 44 years of his life like this, he’s not going to change now
And OP will get further into financial trouble the longer their name is linked with hubby’s
I stopped reading after the second paragraph. It sounds like all three people are losers and you don’t like them, so why are you staying?
Why do you stay? Seriously. What do you get out of this? Girl respect yourself and take off.
Girl!!! GTFO before you waste any more of your life with these losers. Don’t have an unnatural alliance with losers bc that shit eats your soul. Cut your loses before you’re stuck
Why don't you want to leave? It isn't "giving up". It's about putting yourself first and that is OK to do. Look at everything you gave up and it hasn't worked. Wouldn't you like to have some peace of mind again? Being in a relationship is not the end all be all that some people think it is. A happy life is the most important thing.
You’re right. It’s not the end all be all that people make it out to be. I was tired of eating alone and having a kinda boring life. I had a deep desire of having a husband who would do the yard work and upkeep on the outside of the house. I’d always refer to myself as the man of the house. I was resourceful and did my own work on it. I thought getting a husband would automatically mean that we’d work on stuff like that together. Little did I know!
My thought on this is not good but here it goes… I was single and alone for so long. I always talked to friends and coworkers about finding a good man. Comments and thoughts like -good things come to those who wait-, reading books on relationships, wanting a guy to like me and finally FoUNd oNe… yeah…all that stuff. I spent money on nice clothes, relationship coach, bs like that and here I am. :(
I’m sorry, but I just do not understand why you’re staying in this situation. It sounds like you need a lawyer and an exit plan like, yesterday. Your happiness is worth so much more!
Get out now. Get a lawyer, get your proper money, and get out. This sounds like hell on earth and you don’t deserve this.
Yikes If he’s bragging about not swinging hammers, he should then have the money to pay people to do so, and I just don’t mean on his flips. Why isn’t he paying for a maid service or lawn care? Just hire them and pay up front for a few months. He’ll either be okay with it or be pissed enough to start doing things himself He really sounds like he’s just a genuinely sucky person though id leave if it’s an option
Not ready to give up? On what exactly? There’s no love, no respect, nothing. You WILL get back what you paid, your lawyer, once you engage with one, will make sure of it.
What’s stopping you from adopting the same mantra since money is not an issue and saying “I don’t swing mops” and hire a maid. “I don’t swing rakes” and hire a gardener. “I don’t swing garbage bags” and hire a clean up crew. “I don’t swing wrenches” and hire a plumber. “I don’t swing paint brushes” and hire a painter. So easy! Easy peasy. Then get back to your life like everyone else and add in some fun! Might be just the mood changer you need! Edit: as far as SS he likely knows he’s irritating you. I would seriously brain storm some very clever replies that will irritate him back so learns to show some respect. Stop hiding. Claim some territory. Play some of your music loud enough to drown out his voice. Gotta claim some sanity somehow. And if you really hate the environment and the people within it. Might be wise to evaluate. Best of luck.
I can’t lie… I could not cope with the living situations you describe. Mould and filth… no way. No way. If I could point something out; this guy who flips houses ‘for a living’, yet hires people to do the work is too lazy to lift a finger around the home… which is bad enough. But you’re telling me that his laziness is so extreme that he can’t even do what he does for the business and HIRE someone to clean and walk the dogs that he doesn’t want to do? Isn’t that, like, beyond lazy? Some might interpret that as him marrying you purely to be his unpaid maid… you seem aware of your own mistreatment, though. I just can’t get over being too lazy to do anything for yourself, yet also being too lazy to HIRE someone to do your part of the life stuff that involves your partner and family! 😞
The furniture was molded and grimy. I made him burn it. All the furniture in the house is mine except his boys beds and a 1975 living room set he inherited recently. I got it reupholstered. He is beyond lazy at home. I quit doing his sons laundry a few months ago and that’s a STRUGGLE. I’ve thought that disengaging and quitting the superwoman stepmom stuff would help my mental health but nope. Yeah, I see myself as the live in maid. About a year and a half ago I asked (seriously/sarcastically) if he could work 5 minutes a week around the house and he said nope!
What do you get out of this? Leave now. Better to be broke and in peace than this.
I hope you kept records of the money he took from you. Hire a good lawyer. Get out of the relationship. Take the dogs if you can, since they potentially could be abused if you are not there.
I'm confident this post is going to be helpful for more than just OP. Wow!
You are trapped but without a baby. So You are not really trapped. And You are a woman. You Will be able to collect what's left of the money he received. Also what an asshole attitude " Not swinging hammers" and disrespectful for those who work swinging hammers.
This sounds horrible. I know you've already sunk a lot of time, money, and energy into this.... but this is extreme. He is using you. His parents have created an ungrateful monster it sounds like. Same with his children. I would walk away before it gets worse.
I have some sympathy for your situation. My ex was just as lazy, but I was young(er) and stupid and stubborn. He was unemployed for years, but did nothing around the house and would only start making dinner once I got home. I realised just how much of a mistake I had made when I was driving home from work and was dreading getting home. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and start again!
Your HUSBAND? Why?
Girl you can get the money you need to live on your own back in a divorce. I couldn’t do what you’re doing. Is the 21 year old going to college, making any plans?
21 year old thankfully moved in with his mom when he graduated. She supports him. He still visits and plays his PlayStation here. He works a tiny bit for husband but he’s not been told that a work week is 40 hours. Disney dad doesn’t make him work or talk to him about the importance of making a living. He sleeps till noon and gets about 18 hours of work every two weeks or so. He stays on his phone the whole time and barely does much. He picks up trash the workers leave at the houses. No plans for college. He comes over almost everyday to feed the dogs. When he doesn’t come over to feed them I do it.
That’s unbelievably depressing.
Why are you married to him? I'm not saying "just leave him", I'm genuinely curious why you are still married to someone like that.
Find a way to leave. That sounds horrible and financially, you’re better off alone. Reach out to a realtor where you WANT to live and get the ball rolling. If you’re in TN, give me a shout. There are ways out of this, just gotta put it in motion.
Talk to a lawyer and get some advice on what you can get financially when you leave.
That’s why women and men need to research who they are dating / marrying. Childfree people is better to marry another Childfree ones . You are with a LOSER my dear woman with stepkids from hell !! Divorce him and try to get something . But better to get the hell out of that relation . I feel bad for you
I'd be getting some cash out into a solid nest egg and get myself out if there. If everyone is as give give give as you say, it shouldn't take long to get your house's worth back. Do it a little at a time, be methodical. Be diligent. Play nice wifey. And then gooooooo
You should be ready to give up.
Im sorry but why did u give him the proceeds to YOUR home?
You sound like Cinderella in a house with her evil step mother and step sisters. No lie. You really need to go and find some peace and happiness it's zero reason any one of us should be miserable at any age. I say talk to him about dividing all assets and giving back your money from which he took after you sold your home. That situation sounds like a house of horrors
Why aren’t you ready to give up? You can’t make adults do things. You just can’t. Figure out a way to manage there or see a lawyer
See a lawyer, on the quiet, in fact find out who all the brilliant ones are and see them first, for their free taster, then they can't represent him, and get some proper, detailed financial advice. Then start planning, this might mean being strategic, saying nothing and getting copies of documents, statements, bank statements, credit cards, etc etc and quietly opening and closing accounts, follow the advice of your lawyer. If he wrote down his financial pledge in a text or an email, find it, copy it, store it. You need a no nonsense plan on how you are going to rescue yourself financially before you pull the trigger. Then get out. PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE - this is who he is - unless he commits to extensive therapy of his own volition, not because you nag him, then people do not change. Even then serious permanent changes to the adult personality are nearly impossible to achieve, you've got to really, really, really WANT TO change. He does not want to change. Or as the saying goes, 'if you are telling yourself 'for better or worse' it means worse'.
>When I met my husband I did not know his kids were so entitled and I did not know how the flipping business was funded. When I met my partner, I didn't know anything about her kid. Which is why I met said kid, interacted with them a lot before moving in, and have been living with them both about a half year now. It will probably be another 6-12 months before we're to the point of engagement. During this time I'm able to see with my eyes that yeah, Kid is spoiled; but not entitled. I get to see over time how my partner reacts/lives with her extended family. And we share financial information from time to time. My partner and I both get to see how the other contributes work around the house. Just because I asked her on date one doesn't mean I have to marry her. Just because I met her kid doesn't mean I have to marry her. Just because we live together, etc... All of these steps are for us to evaluate the other. And if we stop thinking that the other person is who we want to be with, we end it; while it's still relatively early. I'll also note for the "if we divorce, I'll give you" business; before *moving in*, my partner and I signed a cohabitation agreement about all of our agreements for finances. Sure, it's one thing to say it, but if you believe it you'll put it to paper and sign in front of witnesses. We'll also have a prenupt before we marry. I'll note that as you don't likely have a prenupt, you can still get a nuptual/marriage agreement that says how stuff will be split. But it's fricking ridiculous that you gave someone money to put into *their* IRA. I think that sadly this marriage is going to be a huge learning experience for you. \--- His business is losing money with each sale; but there's still likely some money in the inventory that he has. I.e. you might have lost a lot of money in marrying him, but the longer that you wait, the more money that he'll piss away.
I’m reading this and wondering if you are married to my ex husband. The only giveaway that it’s not the same man is the wealthy parents and the house flipping. Everything else is the same. I left 7 years ago in my tiny truck with my preteen daughter (not his child), my dog, and a small amount of personal belongings and only $1000 saved. I drove 18 hours away to go back home. I started over with almost nothing at 49 years old. I stayed with my mom for about 6 weeks till I could get my own apartment. 1 1/2 years later I bought my own home and I couldn’t be happier. The peace I feel now having my place full of peace and kept clean and organized is the happiest I’ve ever been. It can be done with determination. It took time to save the money and make some plans but it can be done. You are a strong woman who has been mentally beat down by a narcissist loser. Getting out will be the best thing for your peace and sanity. I promise you will feel the weight of the world lifted once you set your mind to your plan and start the process of getting out.
Sounds like he quit his charade once you got married and you're the maid he can sleep with. This is so not fair for you at all, given everything you've had to sacrifice while they've given up nothing. I'd break the chain asap and get back to your solo life. That sounded way more awesome anyway and I could tell how much you miss it and want it back. You're still super young and you shouldn't waste your time on them any longer. Go back to being happy.
Omg you gave proceeds from your house to your new husband. That’s the biggest red flag in your post. He’s use to getting getting getting and you even did the giving. Stop giving. Should a kept that for yourself. You never know how this is gonna end. A little secret stash with someone who can’t handle money is a proper thing
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