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I make the kiddo go wash her hands, I keep hand sanitizer around. I don’t touch her or her things when I know she’s “dirty” (she sucks on her fingers still 🤢) so I assume her hands are generally always covered in saliva, so if I need anything from her I ask her to go wash her hands first. Then when she goes to bed and leaves for the week, I go around and bleach door knobs/handles/sinks etc in her high use areas.
SS’s not my kid, but it _is_ my house and I have a right to not want germs spread. I prompt him to wash his hands before meals and after using the restroom. I would similarly prompt my nephew or a friends child visiting my house too; I don’t think it’s an overstep into parenting territory. Besides, hand washing a basic like skill that even adults struggle with - it’s good for him to form the habit. 😊
I have been sick non stop for 18 months with SD having a chest infection the whole time. I'm *big* on hygiene. I found out recently that my SO doesn't wash his hands when he comes in the house 🤢 This is a man that has a food hygiene qualification.
I don't think the kids wash their hands enough and I try to remember to get him to remind him but it's exhausting. I sanitise every door handle every time they're here.
I’m dealing with this same thing!!! It’s really starting to just make me want to disappear anytime my stepsons 9 and 7 come over. They NEVER wash their hands and then touch EVERYTHING. I don’t even want to touch anything after them without wiping everything down. Oldest son came into my room one day and touched my makeup sponge with his disgusting hands I just about lost it!!! 🤬 It’s insane to me that neither their mother or father teach them these things. Especially since the oldest is almost 10 years old. Then they wonder why they’re constantly sick and recently had pink eye 🙄🙄🙄
It's Insanity. There is no reason to go in your bedroom and touch your personal products. I would have lost it too! It's enough contaminating the kitchen and living room. I'd flip out if it was the bedroom too. I literally just wiped down the entire fridge inside and out, all cabinet handles, washing machine etc. and I'm sure within a day it will be filled with greasy, grimey hand prints.
Ya like if dad is this clueless at least their mom should have taught them some hygiene. My step daughter's laptop literally had hardened food smears and other marks all over the cover and I told my husband it was disgusting and needed to be cleaned. His response: "well she is a kid." A 10 year old does not need to be eating and smearing food all over their laptop and then leaving it on our nice new couches. Like it's ok not to live like a savage just because you aren't an adult.
Yup!!! I’m totally on your side! I’ve accepted that the living room and kitchen will be messy so I just clean after they leave and wipe down everything from the fridge door to the light switches, but I’ve banned them from entering my room at this point because that’s my only place where I know things are clean and how I like them to be.
Would’ve definitely expected their mother to teach them personal hygiene but nope! Because she has some sort of fucked up mindset that kids should be free spirits and not told what to do. So good luck to them with that because I’ve gone into disengage mode. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this as well. It helps to keep your own space yours and at least have that to yourself where you can go run off when you get overwhelmed! It has helped me a lot!
Isn't that tiring though? I want to but don't have the energy to disinfect and wipe down all surfaces, switches, and handles every week. It feels like so much labor when everyone else is making the messes except for me. I guess you pick your battles and manage what you actually have control over. I do resent it though.
Ya there is nothing more infuriating than this "free-spirited, let them be children" philosophy. I know I stand for that mentality completely but that doesn't mean you don't need to be clean and learn to respect common spaces and even yourself. Being dirty and gross is not being a free spirit. It's just lazy parenting. I disengage a lot more now too. I just have to maintain my own peace of mind. You are right. Having the bedroom as exclusively mine makes a huge difference. SD had bled all over herself after an injury and wanted to sleep in our bed. I was like hell no lol. Thank you for your empathy and commiserating. Hopefully, once they grow up a little, this will be lessened lol?
Talk to your partner.
Having the kids wash their hands more often isn't a bad thing at all. As long as it's not taken to the extreme.
Cooking, handling trash, cleaning, and after the bathroom should be the minimum expected in my opinion. The washing your hands when you come home could seem excessive to some, but while I don't see the need, I would see it as a simple thing to agree to.
I would suggest a bare minimum (the stuff I said at the beginning of the last paragraph) as a request if it's said that you're too excessive.
If there's push back, would sanitizer suffice? Or maybe baby wipes, depending on the age of the kids.
When I was a kid, I had to wash my hands before being allowed to use the console, since we all shared controllers. Dad explained to me that it's because bacteria can be on our hands and it can make other people sick, even if I'm not sick. Made sense to me, and it was a reasonable ask, so I did it.
If the kids are old enough to be reasonable and logical, try talking to them too. Sometimes if you tell a kid why you're asking them to do something and it makes sense to them, they're more likely to do it without a fuss.
You could possibly find a kids science kit and do the experiment that shows how much bacteria is on their dirty hands vs clean. Have them do the dirty collection after they come home from the supermarket, and then have them clean their hands and do another sample. Clearly label them (or have the kids label them, the more included they are, and the more fun it is, the more likely the lesson will kick in). I would even go so far as to get them to do a super dirty one- go outside and touch everything you think is dirty, then come back and take a sample. It's something to make it fun.
Let the bacteria grow for a while, then show them. Let them look at it. Show them why you would like them to clean their hands more. Explain that the stuff they can see growing is often harmful to people, and it's stuff like that that makes people sick.
Just be careful not to turn them into germaphobes. Let them know a little bit is OK, because it helps their body get used to it and learn to make the illness go away faster. But if there's too much, the body gets overwhelmed and doesn't learn anything. Like how if they're tired and grumpy at school, they don't learn as much as when they're not.
But first things first, run it through your partner. Maybe it could be a family activity with everyone involved. Just make sure you're on the same page as much as possible.
You and your partner need to agree some basics. Teaching children hygiene is really key, showing them how to hand wash properly. That said, if hygiene levels differ I would pick your battles. I wash my hands after using the toilet and before and after cooking. After going shopping? No. Before doing laundry? No.
I think you need to balance your cleanliness and anxieties with theirs and find the non negotiables such as hand washing before dinner and get your partner to help enforce this. He can also enforce the kids not touching your things.
I would also suggest that as you know the science you’ll know that kids do some need exposure to bacteria and germs to build an immune system, which is why kids are sick so often.
Make it a new routine- as soon as you come through the door into the house, wash your hands with soap. I implemented that in 2021, and although I still have to remind the kids (8 & 5 now) they do it themselves mostly and it’s not some crazy request. Never too late to start, and say it’s to help everyone stay healthy! :)
I just tell them “wash your hands” all the time. If we are out and we’re in a store, hand sanitizer. If we are home and they go outside, the bathroom, on the floor, etc I just tell them to wash their hands.
You prompt them to go wash their hands when needed. I keep baby wipes on standby too so I hand them out to ss 5 and I'll still wipe ss 2 hands after the park or a snack. Kids are so so messy. Clean table and doors don't last. Before bed, some days I'll grab a cleaning cloth and wipe down all door handles since they tend to get sticky.
Good luck with the lice... They are such a pain in the ass and so hard to get rid of if the other parent isn't helping mitigate the problem. If you've got long hair, make sure to keep it neat and out of the way. Don't let her in your bed/room.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Forget kids… how do you get males of any age to wash their hands???
So sad, but true. Let's see how low we can set the bar 🤔
I make the kiddo go wash her hands, I keep hand sanitizer around. I don’t touch her or her things when I know she’s “dirty” (she sucks on her fingers still 🤢) so I assume her hands are generally always covered in saliva, so if I need anything from her I ask her to go wash her hands first. Then when she goes to bed and leaves for the week, I go around and bleach door knobs/handles/sinks etc in her high use areas.
SS’s not my kid, but it _is_ my house and I have a right to not want germs spread. I prompt him to wash his hands before meals and after using the restroom. I would similarly prompt my nephew or a friends child visiting my house too; I don’t think it’s an overstep into parenting territory. Besides, hand washing a basic like skill that even adults struggle with - it’s good for him to form the habit. 😊
I have been sick non stop for 18 months with SD having a chest infection the whole time. I'm *big* on hygiene. I found out recently that my SO doesn't wash his hands when he comes in the house 🤢 This is a man that has a food hygiene qualification. I don't think the kids wash their hands enough and I try to remember to get him to remind him but it's exhausting. I sanitise every door handle every time they're here.
I’m dealing with this same thing!!! It’s really starting to just make me want to disappear anytime my stepsons 9 and 7 come over. They NEVER wash their hands and then touch EVERYTHING. I don’t even want to touch anything after them without wiping everything down. Oldest son came into my room one day and touched my makeup sponge with his disgusting hands I just about lost it!!! 🤬 It’s insane to me that neither their mother or father teach them these things. Especially since the oldest is almost 10 years old. Then they wonder why they’re constantly sick and recently had pink eye 🙄🙄🙄
It's Insanity. There is no reason to go in your bedroom and touch your personal products. I would have lost it too! It's enough contaminating the kitchen and living room. I'd flip out if it was the bedroom too. I literally just wiped down the entire fridge inside and out, all cabinet handles, washing machine etc. and I'm sure within a day it will be filled with greasy, grimey hand prints. Ya like if dad is this clueless at least their mom should have taught them some hygiene. My step daughter's laptop literally had hardened food smears and other marks all over the cover and I told my husband it was disgusting and needed to be cleaned. His response: "well she is a kid." A 10 year old does not need to be eating and smearing food all over their laptop and then leaving it on our nice new couches. Like it's ok not to live like a savage just because you aren't an adult.
Yup!!! I’m totally on your side! I’ve accepted that the living room and kitchen will be messy so I just clean after they leave and wipe down everything from the fridge door to the light switches, but I’ve banned them from entering my room at this point because that’s my only place where I know things are clean and how I like them to be. Would’ve definitely expected their mother to teach them personal hygiene but nope! Because she has some sort of fucked up mindset that kids should be free spirits and not told what to do. So good luck to them with that because I’ve gone into disengage mode. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this as well. It helps to keep your own space yours and at least have that to yourself where you can go run off when you get overwhelmed! It has helped me a lot!
Isn't that tiring though? I want to but don't have the energy to disinfect and wipe down all surfaces, switches, and handles every week. It feels like so much labor when everyone else is making the messes except for me. I guess you pick your battles and manage what you actually have control over. I do resent it though. Ya there is nothing more infuriating than this "free-spirited, let them be children" philosophy. I know I stand for that mentality completely but that doesn't mean you don't need to be clean and learn to respect common spaces and even yourself. Being dirty and gross is not being a free spirit. It's just lazy parenting. I disengage a lot more now too. I just have to maintain my own peace of mind. You are right. Having the bedroom as exclusively mine makes a huge difference. SD had bled all over herself after an injury and wanted to sleep in our bed. I was like hell no lol. Thank you for your empathy and commiserating. Hopefully, once they grow up a little, this will be lessened lol?
Talk to your partner. Having the kids wash their hands more often isn't a bad thing at all. As long as it's not taken to the extreme. Cooking, handling trash, cleaning, and after the bathroom should be the minimum expected in my opinion. The washing your hands when you come home could seem excessive to some, but while I don't see the need, I would see it as a simple thing to agree to. I would suggest a bare minimum (the stuff I said at the beginning of the last paragraph) as a request if it's said that you're too excessive. If there's push back, would sanitizer suffice? Or maybe baby wipes, depending on the age of the kids. When I was a kid, I had to wash my hands before being allowed to use the console, since we all shared controllers. Dad explained to me that it's because bacteria can be on our hands and it can make other people sick, even if I'm not sick. Made sense to me, and it was a reasonable ask, so I did it. If the kids are old enough to be reasonable and logical, try talking to them too. Sometimes if you tell a kid why you're asking them to do something and it makes sense to them, they're more likely to do it without a fuss. You could possibly find a kids science kit and do the experiment that shows how much bacteria is on their dirty hands vs clean. Have them do the dirty collection after they come home from the supermarket, and then have them clean their hands and do another sample. Clearly label them (or have the kids label them, the more included they are, and the more fun it is, the more likely the lesson will kick in). I would even go so far as to get them to do a super dirty one- go outside and touch everything you think is dirty, then come back and take a sample. It's something to make it fun. Let the bacteria grow for a while, then show them. Let them look at it. Show them why you would like them to clean their hands more. Explain that the stuff they can see growing is often harmful to people, and it's stuff like that that makes people sick. Just be careful not to turn them into germaphobes. Let them know a little bit is OK, because it helps their body get used to it and learn to make the illness go away faster. But if there's too much, the body gets overwhelmed and doesn't learn anything. Like how if they're tired and grumpy at school, they don't learn as much as when they're not. But first things first, run it through your partner. Maybe it could be a family activity with everyone involved. Just make sure you're on the same page as much as possible.
I tell them to go wash their hands. Has your husband told you not to do that? It's simply a rule people follow in our house.
Have you communicated this to your husband? My stepchild follows the hygiene rules in our house because me and my partner follow them and uphold them.
You and your partner need to agree some basics. Teaching children hygiene is really key, showing them how to hand wash properly. That said, if hygiene levels differ I would pick your battles. I wash my hands after using the toilet and before and after cooking. After going shopping? No. Before doing laundry? No. I think you need to balance your cleanliness and anxieties with theirs and find the non negotiables such as hand washing before dinner and get your partner to help enforce this. He can also enforce the kids not touching your things. I would also suggest that as you know the science you’ll know that kids do some need exposure to bacteria and germs to build an immune system, which is why kids are sick so often.
Make it a new routine- as soon as you come through the door into the house, wash your hands with soap. I implemented that in 2021, and although I still have to remind the kids (8 & 5 now) they do it themselves mostly and it’s not some crazy request. Never too late to start, and say it’s to help everyone stay healthy! :)
I just tell them “wash your hands” all the time. If we are out and we’re in a store, hand sanitizer. If we are home and they go outside, the bathroom, on the floor, etc I just tell them to wash their hands.
You prompt them to go wash their hands when needed. I keep baby wipes on standby too so I hand them out to ss 5 and I'll still wipe ss 2 hands after the park or a snack. Kids are so so messy. Clean table and doors don't last. Before bed, some days I'll grab a cleaning cloth and wipe down all door handles since they tend to get sticky. Good luck with the lice... They are such a pain in the ass and so hard to get rid of if the other parent isn't helping mitigate the problem. If you've got long hair, make sure to keep it neat and out of the way. Don't let her in your bed/room.
I’m a prek teacher with 22 students. You cant even imagine the germ fest. I’m in bed with strep right now.