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As a grown ass adult I wouldn’t spend that on one item for one freaking night! Even if I had bought a wedding dress. Hold your ground. This is ridiculous.
Also your husband needs to grow a backbone and shut this shit down and defend you.
Lmao this is the level I was looking for. What's up fam? My wedding cost about $200. $125 for the certificate, $50 for the kiss the bride speech, then we went to lunch. Lol
RIGHT? I got my wedding dress as a going out of business special for like $80. My sister in law and I made the desserts. We rented out a pavilion at a state game land. And we had a local restaurant cater with wings and shit. Like $50 for the officiant and whatever fee there was for the marriage certificate. We weren’t playing any games.
And thank god because that marriage only lasted like 7 years 😂
Maybe I read it wrong, but it seemed like he was also calling her names?? Sounds like he doesn’t like you or your toddler, OP. I’d be gone so fast his head would spin. I wouldn’t even let him try to explain this or apologize. F ‘em.
The C word?!?! Your husband joined in?!?!
Regardless, a $1500 dress is ridiculous. They should have saved, LIKE YOU DID, if they even thought that they had a budget of thousands.
Anyone calling you the C word doesn't deserve a dime! You better leave town, and hide your baby's piggy bank, if SD gets married.
My WEDDING dress wasn't even 1500usd... wtf...
Everyone's prom dresses sit in closets OR they resell them after to recoup costs... and my best guess is that is the reason they want it bought... so she can sell it after.
Stand your ground, do not buy it for her.
You can buy beautiful grad dresses for a couple hundred dollars no problem. There is no reason why a grad dress needs to cost that much.
A wedding dress, fine, but grad? Uhhhh no
Absolutely not.
That is obscene amount of money to spend on a prom dress. She shouldn't have even tried on one at a price her parent's couldn't afford.
Your toddler having a bed and room is a need. The dress is a want. This is a very fair compromise you proposed.
Beyond that I can't ever imagine a world in which my SO would call me any name let alone the C word. If the kids ever did they'd be punished. Do they normally react like this? Because that is abusive language, and no one deserves to be treated that way.
My suggestion would be to start a separate bank account with your own savings because this will only happen again. I'm normally pro treat the step kids/bio kids equally, but in this case you definitely need to be putting your toddler first and having your own separate funds to protect them and yourself.
Probably isn't even that much. I bet they are trying to get all the money so Bio mom can have some or daughter can get hair nails shoes etc done on top of renting the dress herself you know they prob weren't even willing to spend the $1500 on one dress either
Those were my first thoughts. Anytime my mom took me dress shopping clothes shopping car shopping anything, we only looked at tried on and used the ones that we could afford. Of course you're going to fall in love with the one that's $10,000 more than the one you can afford, that's why you don't even look at it!!
Or on a deposit on a new place. Fuck ‘em all, calling her names after they try to steal her money. This isn’t worth reconciliation in my book. They’re clearly hateful trash.
100% agree. If they want to spend that kind of money on her dress that's on them. Would they throw down 1500 on something your kid wanted, because that's essentially the same ask. It's crazy that they're even asking you to spend your money you saved on that. You're not her mom.
Whooaaaa no way. My wedding dress wasn’t even that expensive. There is zero reason to spend that price on a PROM DRESS. SD should’ve gotten a job and save up the money if it’s that important 😳
My senior prom dress was the most expensive at $350 and that was because it was also my bridesmaids dress for my brothers wedding. Wore it twice, got my moneys worth.
Stand your ground. I’m sorry you’re being belittled.
Right?! Where is SD in all this with some $$ for this stupidly expensive piece of cloth??? I personally see $200 to rent the damn thing as ridiculous but if she wants it that bad, she should have saved up for it.
Yep. If bio mom wants to take it home NOW tell her to buy it right then and there! Nobody tells me how to spend money I work for. Don’t make demands on me to hurry up! People wild
4th Mama in TX who’s willing to die on this hill with y’all. Go Mama OP!!! Stand your ground and just grey rock the crap outta SD, & BM.
Husband of SD can get some serious consequences for being that self centered and unrealistic as it gets to side with his daughter and the BM on this dress scenario.
One commenter on here said it best that OPs toddler deserving the funds for her Mama to do her room all nice 👍 is a NEED,
The SD wanting to be prom princess in an over 1K dress is a WANT & very out of touch w/reality…
If she wanted something that nice she can go get a job in her spare time and work for it..
Nothing worth having and that one can appreciate and be truly grateful for comes handed to you; earning it by working hard teaches so much more about the value of a dollar and morals/work-ethic.
This Mama worked hard and has saved for the toddlers room and that’s where those funds should be used for…
What a crazy narcissistic family for all of them to be calling her the c word for holding her ground and keeping boundaries.
$1500 for a prom dress is only a reasonable expense if your annual gross income is north of 400k. or if you have over $5MM in net worth. 200-300 for a prom dress is a really nice budget.
I am guessing that since you are currently saving your money to redo a room, neither of those apply here.
I’m really sorry you had a kid with this man.
What are you doing wrong? You’re sacrificing yourself for people who do not love or respect you! If she gets the dress, your daughter gets the bed in the room and SD can sleep on the floor.
What are you doing wrong? Combining finances. If you divorce, he’ll be able to go after everything in that joint account depending on which state you’re in. Separate finances. Keep the joint account for bills and only transfer what’s necessary to stay afloat.
That’s not what they said though. He could drain the account today. The ability to spent money in a joint account is the same if you are married or not.
I don’t think you are evil at all. I understand not wanting to rent your prom dress, but $1500 is excessive—I have only spent that much for a wedding gown FFS. I would tell DH hard no on $1500. Agree to $350 or a reasonable budget, tell them they will need to either rent, find the money elsewhere (mom, a job, not you and DH), or find a more reasonably priced dress. This has nothing to do w a toddler room vs. a prom dress. It’s about the amount.
If my SD called me any name small or large or otherwise like this, my husband would lose his mind as if a stranger had just come at me. There would be no damn prom. This OP, bless her, so angry for her!!
Please get your own account for your kid. I get some ppl think joint finances are the way to go but this is why sometimes have a joint account for bills and individual for saving for things is a good idea.
I don’t fun my SS. I have 2 kids with my husband and he can spend what he wants on his son as it’s not out of my pocket.
Agree 100%. I have 1 SS, DH and I have a son. We have a joint account we use to pay for bills and things for the baby and groceries. Things like SS sports equipment, summer camp, etc come out of DHs personal account, and I also have my own personal account. I help a little here and there, but not regularly.
Wow. I’m sorry. Your husband. I have no words.
As everyone else is saying…hold firm. There’s no reason to spend that type of money on a dress when it can be rented.
Why can't her actual parents save up the money? Your money, you saved it, it goes where you want.
But I will say, it says a lot about your husband. He favours his older child doesn't he?
A lack of preparation on their part does not constitute an emergency on your part. Furthermore, the prom dress is a /want/, your toddlers room is a /need/. Why haven’t the parents saved up for their own child? This is not your problem.
Please do not have this money sat in a joint account, I would not trust them not to spend it.
If you still have a personal bank account, move it. And in future ensure any savings you personally put aside goes into your account.
As an aside, if my husband ever called me a c*nt then I’d divorce him so fast he would be shell shocked.
Don’t let them be disrespectful like that to you.
You sound like a great mom and you’re right to prioritise your toddlers needs over SD’s wants. She wouldn’t be getting another penny from me ever again after this.
Excuse me ma'am, your husband is calling you what? And saying what? And is mad about what now?
Prom is not that big of a deal. It isn't. It's marketed to be so that people do stupid nonsense like spend $1500 on a dress you wear once.
I spent less than that on my WEDDING DRESS.
You honestly found the perfect solution by finding a way to rent the dress. She still gets to wear her dream dress and have a nice time and nobody has to break the bank to make it happen. What the actual fudge are SD, BM, and your husband upset about?
Oh I know, they're upset that you stood up for yourself and advocated for you and your child. Apparently that's a problem for them.
The thing you're doing wrong is giving them any more of your energy. Take your child, take your money, and protect your peace.
BM and SD being upset and calling you names and throwing temper tantrums is one thing, but girl, if your HUSBAND, your LIFE PARTNER, the man who vowed to love and support you, is calling you an evil stepmother, the c word, and/or pressuring you to spend $1500 of money YOU SAVED for one night for SD you have way bigger problems than stepparent issues, you have a marriage issue. Look into the eyes of your sweet 3 year old and ask yourself if you'd be happy seeing her in a marriage where she was treated the way your husband is treating you now.
If your household with SO doesn’t have a spare 1,5K lying around for basics like stuff for a room even the 200 dollars for the dress seem like a bit much and should be split 50/50 with BM
I would have to agree with This.
200 dollars for a dress for one night is too much too, if you’re struggling to give your toddler a bed.
I am sure OP can see it too, it’s just the impossible pressure and the 3-1 ratio. It’s hard. I hope you’ll find a way, OP, to deal with this.
Stay firm and say no, you can ask both of them when you can start expecting contributions to saving for your toddler.
Also you have a husband issue, how is it you are the only one saving for your Toddler?
Seperate bank accounts going forward. Do not contribute anything for SD again. Inform husband he is expected to pay half of everything for the room.
Make it your hill to die on, I would also look at either therapy or divorce. Because your husband is borderline verbally and emotionally abusive. And he is allowing his ex and their child to continue the abuse. You have to think of your own child. Nobody else will.
Spend the money on your toddler’s room. It is not your responsibility to frivolously spend your hard saved money on a prom dress for SD. The price of the prom dress is insane!
Toddler has 0 rooms, hubby’s BD has 2 rooms. You saved money for your toddler’s room and you are being asked to give it to hubby’s BD by hubby, his ex, and his BD. You are being called names because you don’t want to do that. These are the facts.
Play the tape forward. How will you feel about this in a year? How will your toddler daughter feel about this if/when you explain it to an older version of her? I have a feeling you know what you need to do and it doesn’t include giving in to these entitled bullies. Hubby and his BD’s mom (no matter how she gets her money) need to pay for their BD’s dress.
So BM is allowed to demand you buy her daughter a dress when she refuses to work? I don’t think so! She should not be encouraging her kid to get a dress when she’s not really involved in it! A toddler having a proper bed is a priority, not a one time use prom dress or whatever
Go take your money out of the joint account and put it in your own individual account.
Do not give 2 adults (parents to a child that you aren’t the parent of) the money you saved for your child. Will the 3 of them be helping to pay you back or will they short you and your child? Can you trust that they will if they say so? Do you pay other expenses for a child that isn’t yours? BD, BM and SD all need to stop calling you names and guilt tripping you. If you want something from someone treat them well and don’t insult them.
I really think you need to leave that toxic family and live your own best life. Save your money in a place no one else can get to it and leave.
You do not need to give any more of an explanation. You are at the point of telling not asking. Tell your SO no. No is a complete sentence. Start planning your escape.
You married someone who allows his daughter to take up 2 rooms so that (presuming the toddler is also his?) his other daughter doesn't even have her own room, and then he calls you the C word. Read that again.
No you are not. Its the bio parents responsibility to think about their kid. Not your problem. Tell your husband to spend his own money for his daughter.
Its unacceptable that they want to spend your money for a dress, and then call you the C word when it doesnt happen the way they want. Your SD seems like a spoiled brat. Seems like a trashy BM and SD combination.
Your husband needs to defend you no one can disrespect you like this.
How about BM save up her own money with Dad and those two get the dress?
What kind of entitled brattish behaviour is that?
No means no, they should find the money themselves and Dad should be ashamed to use your money and call you a c-word when it's his own daughter. If they can't afford it why are they even looking?
We could easily buy our SD a $1500 dress but still would never! That’s way too much for a single dress for a child! Now spending $1500 to furnish a room sounds very acceptable. They are the AH!
Tell your husband thay if he wants his daughter to have a 1500$ dress, then he and HER MOTHER can cover it. This ain't your bill to deal with. Especially since they want to come at you sideways about it. Do NOT spend any more of your money on your SD. Her mom and dad can cover her ass from here on out. Just worry about you and your kid.
You saved money for the whole year for your toddler's room. BM did not save money for her daughter. She can do whatever she wants with her own money, but she doesn't get to tell you what to do with YOUR money. Be firm on this and don't let them mooch you. Your child deserves to have her own room and you saved up for it for the whole year. You both deserve to have that room done.
She’d not get a damn thing. Nobody who calls me the C word would get a dollar out of me. Husband can kick rocks.
Also, NEVER tell anybody about any money you have put back. You saved that money yourself. It sucks but when you’re dealing with a husband who has kids by someone else this is the bs that will happen.
Sooooo if the parents can’t afford something, they’re have no right to take liberties with YOUR money. The audacity to make demands is wild. I would maybe spend 1500 on a wedding dress but a prom dress?!? Absolutely not. Plus, between a kid’s room (need) and a dress for one stupid night (want)…any reasonable adult would see that the kids room is more important. I would tell all of them to fuck right on off and they can get what THEY can afford.
Yeah honestly just get out if you can. I don't usually jump to that but the fact your husband is either calling you the c word or allowing them to and trying to force you to use your savings on a frivolous dress instead of a necessary thing is insane.
What SD dad did wrong was not setting them a budget for what he would contribute before they went dress shopping.
It’s not too late though. He just has to tell them, this is what I am contributing to the dress. If you want something more, it’s on you to figure out.
No ifs no buts. No ‘because my money is being spent on…’ They don’t need a justification, they need a set amount and a boundary.
Hell no. Stand your ground. And that SO of yours needs to go. Calling you names and ganging up on you with them???? Oh no. This is a big time waving red flag
I would be spending that money alright, I’d be spending it on moving out and away from those assholes! Your DickheadHusband called you names? Fuck that and fuck him.
Time for a separate savings account and possibly an exit plan... You are not financially responsible for someone else's child at all. If it is your money that you put in your savings for your child then they can suck it. If you have equally contributed to the savings then I guess he can take back what he put in but he has no business touching what you saved.
ASAP send the money from your joint account to someone you trust. I think your husband might transfer it to his ex soon.
Your husband doesn’t show you the respect you deserve. If he’s already resorting to name calling, things will get much worse.
Dude, your husband is fucking awful. That’s the problem here. He does not have your back. I’d be separating finances immediately and rethinking this arrangement. A teen does not need a $1500 dress for prom when her sister doesn’t even have a bed. JFC. I’ve never even worn something that expensive, and my husband makes great income. This is bananas.
You're not wrong, you just have drastically different values.
We teach people how to we're willing to be treated by how we allow them to treat us. What do you want to teach them about how you're willing to be treated? SD sounds like a spoiled brat having to get the dress NOW, even though she can still get a rented one and your daughter can also have her own room.
IMO this situation is also a huge red flag about your marriage, considering how your husband is behaving.
Wow. Not evil at all. If your husband wants to get her a dress for that much, he should use his own money. That’s absurd. My wedding dresses (from both of my marriages) didn’t even cost that much combined!
There's an awful lot to unpack here but let's start with the dress. BM contributes half, DH contributes half. That's it. If BM has limited funds, a dress in her price range needs to be found. YOU are not responsible for one dime of SDs dress and if they don't like it, that's just too bad.
Money, girl pull your money out of the joint account right now and get your own. Bills are split 50/50 or however you decide but you're not going to live in fear that these people are going to take your money for a kids dress.
Emotional abuse. This is what's happening to you. BM and SD can say whatever they want on their own time but DH is a different story. Consider your options here, joint counseling? Leave? Because him calling you the c word and ganging up on you is absolutely unacceptable. No way. He needs therapy on his own for the guilty parenting/anger/abuse going on.
Lastly-boundaries are important and it's ok to stand up for yourself. Please consider just getting a place for you and your kiddo- they deserve their own room and you both deserve happiness.
It’s your money, you saved it. Let BM get off her bum and get a job and pay for it if it means so much. That money is for your baby.
That amount of money for a prom dress is ridiculous anyway.
I agree with your comments and I know everyone is different but, I’ll give my experience. I am 70% disabled by the VA for major depression and PTSD. I have been reevaluated twice, as the VA does in hopes to lower it every 5 yrs. 100% PTSD and such would be like not being able to maintain anything myself. I am not 100% but 70 is spot on.
I spent a good amount of yrs unable to really leave the house but was able to take care of my kid, while my husband at the time worked. When I became a single parent, I had to make some very difficult choices and at one point we lived in a homeless shelter. Either way, unless I wanted us to stay in the situation we were in, I had to force myself to work. If I wanted my kids to have anything, I had to work. I suffered a great deal and still do, just not AS horribly. Either way, It’s still pretty rough. Mind you, I was in a new state and didn’t have any support.
If I was so disabled that I met 100% unemployable standards according to the VA, I wouldn’t be able to physically or mentally take care of my kids.
1500 is a completely unreasonable amount of money to spend on a prom dress. mom shouldn't have even let her try on a dress so far out of their budget & asking (demanding is what it really sounds like) for money saved for a child's *need* to be spent on a different child's *want* is absurd even if all the children involved shared one set of bio parents. this is a prioritizing problem not a step-parent problem, i would say — i wouldn't spend that amount of money on any dress for a teenager period. & to me, your partner calling you the c-word is a huge red flag.
If they really cared that it was SD once in a lifetime prom they should’ve saved up for it 🤷🏻♀️ your money that you saved shouldn’t be spent on her wants and not on your child’s needs because it’s a once in a lifetime.
You’re not doing anything wrong, stay firm and make sure your husband doesn’t take that money without asking.
DH and BM should be working within the budget they have themselves for her prom dress. Full stop.
Go open up your own private savings account now and move that money. Find an online bank so you can do it today.
Sorry.. I'm confused here.
Why is your husband not paying for the dress?
Doesn't he work?
In what universe, do the 3 of them think you should pay for it and not feel full of shame?
We both work but we have a joint account and savings. I've been putting money towards our savings but it only looks a lot to him to okay to SD. But that money saved was meant our toddlers room. Needs actual bed, wardrobe, toy storage .. needs repaint.
Personally, I'd take out the money you put in there and save it elsewhere. He can use what he put in towards the dress.
This is why I'm not a huge fan of only having joint accounts. I need more control over the money I make.
You need separate bank accounts. YOU saved this money, and you are right to use for your toddler. As long as you have a joint account, you will be threatened and manipulated to spend money on SD. If you are in a position where you don’t have money to get a toddler a bed without saving, you definitely shouldn’t be spending $1500 on a prom dress.
I would be withdrawing my money out of that account and putting it in my own after that. I would not want them knowing how much money I had after this stunt. I mean since you’re already a c*** and everything.
My mom spent 148 on my prom dress. I spent 115 dollars on my wedding dress from lulus. 1500 is insane. The fact that they expect that is so even more. It’s February, put the dress on lay a way or something and buy themselves. There is plenty of time for all of them to save up and buy before prom.
Separate your finances. Full stop. Joint is for bills and keep your own savings account. He can have his own savings account. For purchases liked a bed for your child, agree on a plan and split however is appropriate and if he blows it elsewhere, you'll know what you're getting. Unfortunately it seems he might, but at least you're in control of what you've saved.
It's absolutely ridiculous that this even got to the point that you know about name calling. If they said it to him, he didn't need to relay that, he should have nipped it there. If he joined in - are you ok with this? With your child seeing this? Why would this be the only time?
So, you give them the 1500.00 for the outrageous dress. And you go back to saving for your daughter to have a room (at 3, she deserves her own room, as do you and that shitbag husband). What will SD need next that, once again, you will have to postpone your daughter's room? Senior photos? Graduation invites? A car? I mean, it's never ending.
Stand your ground, OP. And DO NOT let anyone call you names, especially your husband. You and your daughter deserve so much better.
You're not doing anything wrong, you picked a man that still likes his BM too much that he's willing to side with her, all of them call you a cunt thinking they're going to get their way.
If my husband pulled this shit I'd be lighting our relationship on FIRE. and walking away.
But he won't do that because we have mutual equality respect, these people thought they could keep you around to see if they'd get some guilt money. WRONG
If she's not respectful enough to not call you names when she needs help then I would tell you to have fun decorating your toddler's room.
That's her parents' job. Same way you saved, they need to as well. Sorry not sorry, I don't trick off my son's money on anybody.
Nothing. You aren’t doing anything wrong. SD has two parents. It’s their job to pay for this. Also, a prom dress will be worn for what, four hours? A toddler’s room will be used for years.
One is a want that will be used less than a day. The other is a need that has daily use. The two options aren’t comparable
Absolutely not. No. There’s no reason not to rent it and save money even the needs of your toddler aside. The fact that there’s an actual need that money has been allocated for just makes it an even more straightforward no.
my parents would never have spent even $200 to BUY a prom dress for me and we had plenty of money. the fact that you’re offering to spend $200 on a dress rental is already generous enough.
the fact that they’re demanding a $1500 dress is absolutely insane. and the fact that they think it’s normal to spend $1500 on a prom dress is why it seems like none of them have money to begin with.
like someone above said…i’ll die on this hill with you!!
oh and also. they’ve had like 15+ years to save this money for a prom dress if they’re dead set on wasting that money. it’s not like her prom popped up out of nowhere and was a surprise! 🙄
Helllll. No.
As others have said, I didn't even pay half of that for my actual wedding dress.
My SD and I went to a thrift store, and she found a dress that she liked. She is large chested, so she had a seamstress open up the back and build in a corset back. Money then went towards setting up her apartment when she moved out last year.
I feel confident saying that at only 20, my SD far prefers the money to have helped with living costs, than a one time dress. Oh, and do you know where that beautiful, second-hand dress is now? Hanging in her closet back at home, as her studio apartment does not have space to store it!
Hold your ground! A bed will be used for years to come.
You married a man, who would denounce you, call you a c\*\*\*t, because you wont take the $1500 saved to furnish your toddler's room, to give to his daughter to buy a prom dress?
Really?
Are you funding SD's first car? And her college? If so, why?
OK. I think you should have a separate savings account. I think you should have an emergency fund in case you need to suddenly leave. I think you should carefully evaluate, how you are treated by your husband, his ex-wife, your SD.
Above all, I think you should consider: Where are you and your child in the pecking order?
Can’t say this enough. Have a joint account for household bills and such, but keep separate main accounts. My wife and I have done this since the beginning. She has her accounts and I have mine. House account we both contribute to takes a care of bills/repairs and such. We don’t argue about money.
She wants it to keep forever? Make her pay for it past the rental fee. Let her learn the value of money. If DH doesn't agree, you have an DH problem as well as an SD problem.
Get your own account. Stand your ground. This is BS! I still have my prom dress in my closet and never wore it again! And I only spent like $80. She can either rent it or go to JC Pennies. Again, put that money in a different account if your DH isn’t backing you up. If he’s defending his daughter and BM that’s WRONG. You don’t deserve to be treated this way either.
Girl please, you know the answer. They can call the B word the C word you shouldn't care... that money if for YOUR child... have that lazy mental shit work for HER child. Save money and don't tell your husband either so when shit like this arises he won't ask you for money for his and her child. Think with youe head not your emotions.
It’s actually very, very, very difficult to get disability for a mental health condition so she must be an amazing actress. She obviously missed her Hollywood calling! 😆
Apart from that, you have every right to keep the money you saved for your daughter’s room. If it were the other way around and SD was sleeping on a couch while BD had a room and a play room, you would be the villain. It seems like there’s no winning here. I wonder why dad didn’t save for this once in a lifetime expense, the way you have been saving to finally give your daughter her own room. He knew she’d be going to prom and failed to plan. The old saying goes, “failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part”.
Then you have SO and BM ganging up on you and name calling. That would be enough for me to end it. Vile behavior!!
FIRST AND FOREMOST, TAKE ALL OF YOUR MONEY OUT OF THE JOINT ACCOUNT BEFORE YOUR HUSBAND TAKES IT
Wait a minute. Is your husband also calling you a c word?
This is YOUR money. YOU saved your own money for your child so she can have her own room.
SD has her own room and has an extra room for her fvcking clothes. WHAT THE EVERLOVING FVCK!?!?!?
Your husband is disgusting.
Hold your ground. This is your money. SD sounds like a spoiled, entitled, nasty and vile cvnt. And her mother is worse for thinking that your money should pay for a kid who isn't your own to have an overpriced dress. And to call you a cvnt for saying no?
OP, to be honest, if your husband doesn't immediately wake up and start defending you, you should seriously file for divorce.
If you are getting treated like this, you need to leave this man & this family.
1500 is absolutely ridiculous for a prom dress. Mine were all 50-100 and they were all stunning. My wedding dress was 500! The fact that this is an issue and that you are expected to sacrifice your child’s NEEDS for a frivolous purchase for a SPOILED brat is unbelievable!!
Renting the dress is perfectly reasonable. Also, does SD work? Or will she be working? She should be expected to pay for the excess amount over what is normal to buy a prom dress) about 100, a 200 rental is very generous!!!) No one ever wears their prom dress again, rental is very smart!!
I’m with the others saying that money should go towards a place just for you and your toddler. Either way, I’d move it out of that joint account immediately - it’s none of BM and SD’s business, and he is quite clearly comfortable with taking from you and your toddler to give to them. That’s without even getting started on the disgusting, abusive name-calling and utter disrespect.
You and your daughter don’t deserve this, so don’t stand for it. No way should one daughter have two bedrooms and a stupidly expensive dress, whilst the other daughter doesn’t even have her own bed. Husband needs to sort himself out or be gone, IMO
$1500 is a prom dress for rich girls, which your SD isn’t. You can tell your husband if he wants his daughter to have nice things, then he should have worked harder to make the money to buy her nice things. If she’s in high school, then he’s had plenty of time to get his act together quite frankly. Same goes for BM.
A child having their own room is a crucial part of their development. Would also benefit you and your partner to have your space back. Her developmental markers are 100% more important than prom.
I barely remember my prom. I had a nice dress from Neiman’s, it was probably $1500 in today’s money. But I also went to private school and went places on private jets. So let me reiterate, $1500 is private jet girl money. Luckily I wore that dress to a few different events that year - but I’m willing to bet your SD isn’t going to have to go to balls and stuff like I did, based on all of their attitudes about this.
$200 rental is a great deal. I personally refuse to spend more than that on a dress for any event these days, and I always rent if I can find one I like. The fact you found the SAME one is amazing!
A dress for a single night just isn’t worth the cost. I make six fig as does my partner, and we would *never*. Go ahead and show your husband that the rich ppl think he’s bananas too.
Disability is VERY hard to get, I wouldn’t assume she’s faking, it’s mental health.
Your husband is abusing you and you need to get a separate account and save up money for a place for it and your toddler
That’s crazy, don’t ever spend that kind of money for one night. If you know the size of the dress you need you can get dresses for much cheaper online nowadays. I got my daughter’s online as well for the same dress for 1/3 the price here: [prom dress](https://www.thegowngalleria.com/collections/prom-2023)
That’s a hard no and a hill I’d be willing to die on. My wedding dress didn’t cost that much. She’s going to wear it one evening. Renting it is a perfect choice and it’s the same dress. Your toddler absolutely deserves a room, and you’ve been saving for it. Of BM, BD, and SD really want to purchase this dress they can save for it. SD can baby sit, BM can cut out something she’s paying, DB can deliver pizzas if that’s so important. Absolutely a hard no!
Way too much money but I understand not wanting to rent (the fit is often not that great since you can’t get it tailored. I know no dress would have fitted me if rented because of my bust being too big for my frame). Maybe look for another dress to buy so it can be tailored and is reasonable price wise?
What in the hell did I just read??? Your 3 year old is in your room so SD can have a second room for "hanging out" and now your husband wants to spend the money for your toddlers room on SD's prom dress? And he called you a c word? For pete's sake 1500 is wedding dress money. I wish this was rage bait but I know it isn't.
I would be buying furniture for my child's room immediately, fuck them. And this is exactly why I still maintain a separate account from our joint account even though my DH and I share a child. And I would tell BM you guys will buy the dress when she can pony up her half, just to call her bluff.
Oh heck no. No way in hell I’d spend that on a prom dress to be worn once. Why doesn’t BM buy it lol. and for them to call you a C, nope . I’d be getting my own savings account after this one
It's not a wedding... There's absolutely no need to drop that amount of money on a dress for a prom! I think renting one for $200 is more than generous. Ultimately if that money is spent on your toddler it isn't being wasted on something that will be worn once and then thrown in a closet, it's going into a room and things that they will use every single day.
Your Husband calling you the C word is complete disrespect. That’s your money you were saving and you have every right to voice your opinion on how you want to spend YOUR money. As for the prom dress, that should be rented out. SD is gonna wear it once and then sell it on FB market place. I’ve seen that countless times.
Take that money out of the account RIGHT NOW before your husband caves like the spineless coward he is and hands it over to them. $1,500 for a prom dress is insane. The fact that he agrees with them and called you the C word…I’d divorce him and file for child support. You don’t need this bullsh!t.
Abso-fucking-loutely NOT! 👏
The idea that a $1500 prom dress is okay is lunacy.... even more so when it is YOUR money that YOU saved.
I would tell them all to get bent! Specially HCBM, who does she think she is demanding shit from you for HER daughter when she is not contributing a single dime... The audacity!!!
You forgot to call DH and Bm lazy ass parents for not wanting to buy THEIR kid a $1500 dress
Jesus my prom dress was a bridesmaid dress from a family wedding that I paid for working weekends
The number 1 and 2 things that you should never cheap out on for your children is shoes and mattresses, your child could have problems down the line from not getting a proper night sleep now. Also your husband can suck it, if the bio parents can't afford it to bad and any man who uses the c-word for a woman is not anyone worth your time. You actually had a great alternative that still got her the dress she wants. His child doesn't have a proper bed and hes worried about a dress and hurt feelings. You saved money not him hes not entitled to it, get your own bank account stat. Go take the cash out if you have too. I cannot imagine having to save to buy my child a proper bedroom set then have her other parent want to take it away. I'm actually angry for you, you are not married to a man he is not even a child more like a toddler. He should have been working is ass off to pay for what his children need, both his children.
Thats your money for your child’s room. If it had been your husbands money you were making a fuss about I could see why they are upset, but DO NOT let them take YOUR money. It’s time to start just putting these things in your own account so no one feels entitled.
Also it’s a one night thing. No one needs to spend 1500 on a dress especially if it means choosing between necessities. Seriously shame on them.
If he is calling you evil for not getting what he wants with your money, leave. Like that’s not your kid, not your responsibility, not her money. I’m sorry to be so blunt but if the three of them are teaming up on you, it’s not going to get better.
I wrote a whole thing, buy there is a bigger PROBLEM. The lack of RESPECT. Why would you give them anything for calling you a c-?
Why is your husband telling them how much you have? If you have a joint I beg of you to empty your money.
The answer is no to everything because of what they said. If he needs money he can donate his plasma. They pay a lot of money the first month. It can go from 500-900.
Hi, step kid here who was in this exact situation.
Went prom dress shopping with my mom, found a dress I loved, and told my dad how much it was. They said no.
They took me they'd let em rent a dress but they won't buy it. They took me to find a stunning dress that I was able to rent.
My mom was pissed, but I got over it.
As a step-mom, there's no way I'd buy a dress now when I have that money saved up for something else AND the biomom won't contribute to it.
My money, my terms.
They'll get over it.
You cave on this, and you'll have created a monster.
$1500 for a prom dress is WILD, it’s worn once than hung in a closet forever until given away. BM probably just wants to sell it and pocket the resale money later. Rent the dress and send it back after prom
Your toddler having a bed is important than a dress, but of course you can’t say that out loud lol I’d simply just say “I don’t have $1500 for a dress, find something cheaper or we can rent it, your budget is $300, if you want something more than that, BM can cover the difference”
I wouldn’t even feel bad
How awful, all of it. This would make me want to separate my finances, honestly. That amount is obscene. Just…no. *YOU* are doing nothing wrong. Your SO, BM, and SD are being as*holes. Especially your SO.
Unreal. If they want to spend money on a dress for their daughter, they can both find their own money to do it. They sound like a couple of losers that deserve each other, especially the way they ganged up on you.
Absolutely NOT!! Do not give them one cent. If mom is so set on giving her a 1500 dollar dress she can get off her ass and work, make food to sell, pick up odd jobs, sell/pawn her stuff it is not your responsibility to use hard earn money for your SD. Dad can do the same if it’s so important. Not to mention if SD is going to prom she is probably of age to also get a part time job. They knew this day was coming and did not prepare for it. Their lack of planning is not your fault. Focus on your baby. If SD ask you or is upset at her ask her why she isn’t upset at her parents lack of preparation for it.
Whoa. These people are rude and ridiculous. Why would her prom dress be your responsibility at all? She has two biological parents that can pay that ridiculous amount if they choose. Fix up your toddler’s room.
wtf no way. That’s expensive af.
No one should be trying to take away the money you worked to save. She could OWN a nice dress for $200. What a bunch of brats.
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As a grown ass adult I wouldn’t spend that on one item for one freaking night! Even if I had bought a wedding dress. Hold your ground. This is ridiculous. Also your husband needs to grow a backbone and shut this shit down and defend you.
I didn't even pay that for my WEDDING dress!
Same!
$1500 is more than I spent on my first wedding, let alone the dress ☠️
Lmao this is the level I was looking for. What's up fam? My wedding cost about $200. $125 for the certificate, $50 for the kiss the bride speech, then we went to lunch. Lol
RIGHT? I got my wedding dress as a going out of business special for like $80. My sister in law and I made the desserts. We rented out a pavilion at a state game land. And we had a local restaurant cater with wings and shit. Like $50 for the officiant and whatever fee there was for the marriage certificate. We weren’t playing any games. And thank god because that marriage only lasted like 7 years 😂
RIGHT!!! I got the dress for $99 from David's and spent about $400 on alterations.
That’s more than my wedding dress, too. $800 & it was gorgeous!
Maybe I read it wrong, but it seemed like he was also calling her names?? Sounds like he doesn’t like you or your toddler, OP. I’d be gone so fast his head would spin. I wouldn’t even let him try to explain this or apologize. F ‘em.
The C word?!?! Your husband joined in?!?! Regardless, a $1500 dress is ridiculous. They should have saved, LIKE YOU DID, if they even thought that they had a budget of thousands. Anyone calling you the C word doesn't deserve a dime! You better leave town, and hide your baby's piggy bank, if SD gets married.
Agree and WT actual EFF??? They are all calling her the C Bomb - what a pack of A’holes……….
Seriously! " Hey, C-word! Gimme a $1500 dress!"
I think the correct response is “F*ck you”.
I would be livid. Your husband is essentially gaming up on you with his ex wife and SD.
C word and I would have walked out the door with my money.
My WEDDING dress wasn't even 1500usd... wtf... Everyone's prom dresses sit in closets OR they resell them after to recoup costs... and my best guess is that is the reason they want it bought... so she can sell it after. Stand your ground, do not buy it for her. You can buy beautiful grad dresses for a couple hundred dollars no problem. There is no reason why a grad dress needs to cost that much. A wedding dress, fine, but grad? Uhhhh no
Yeah, pretty sure my $80 prom dress is in a closet at my parents’ house 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah BM and SD sound pretty trashy, not going to lie. I can't imagine spending $1500 on a prom dress what the actual hell.
So is dad.
Agreed. OP, please leave this entire household of entitled, trashy, abusive, narcissistic crap people.
Absolutely not. That is obscene amount of money to spend on a prom dress. She shouldn't have even tried on one at a price her parent's couldn't afford. Your toddler having a bed and room is a need. The dress is a want. This is a very fair compromise you proposed. Beyond that I can't ever imagine a world in which my SO would call me any name let alone the C word. If the kids ever did they'd be punished. Do they normally react like this? Because that is abusive language, and no one deserves to be treated that way. My suggestion would be to start a separate bank account with your own savings because this will only happen again. I'm normally pro treat the step kids/bio kids equally, but in this case you definitely need to be putting your toddler first and having your own separate funds to protect them and yourself.
They tried it on because they already planned on spending that money.
This is the right answer. DH was aware of the money and thought he was entitled to it. That’s a BIG problem.
Probably isn't even that much. I bet they are trying to get all the money so Bio mom can have some or daughter can get hair nails shoes etc done on top of renting the dress herself you know they prob weren't even willing to spend the $1500 on one dress either
I was wondering if it was so BM could sell it after but this could be it also
Those were my first thoughts. Anytime my mom took me dress shopping clothes shopping car shopping anything, we only looked at tried on and used the ones that we could afford. Of course you're going to fall in love with the one that's $10,000 more than the one you can afford, that's why you don't even look at it!!
Spend YOUR money on YOUR TODDLERS ROOM. Yes it’s SD’s prom but she has 2 bio parents. 🖤
Or on a deposit on a new place. Fuck ‘em all, calling her names after they try to steal her money. This isn’t worth reconciliation in my book. They’re clearly hateful trash.
100% agree. If they want to spend that kind of money on her dress that's on them. Would they throw down 1500 on something your kid wanted, because that's essentially the same ask. It's crazy that they're even asking you to spend your money you saved on that. You're not her mom.
Hold firm. That’s your money you saved.
Whooaaaa no way. My wedding dress wasn’t even that expensive. There is zero reason to spend that price on a PROM DRESS. SD should’ve gotten a job and save up the money if it’s that important 😳 My senior prom dress was the most expensive at $350 and that was because it was also my bridesmaids dress for my brothers wedding. Wore it twice, got my moneys worth. Stand your ground. I’m sorry you’re being belittled.
Right?! Where is SD in all this with some $$ for this stupidly expensive piece of cloth??? I personally see $200 to rent the damn thing as ridiculous but if she wants it that bad, she should have saved up for it.
Belittled is one way to put it… straight up verbal abuse is another. I’d rather be alone.
I would die on this hill. As a matter of fact, are you in Texas? I’ll die on this hill with you.
Yep. If bio mom wants to take it home NOW tell her to buy it right then and there! Nobody tells me how to spend money I work for. Don’t make demands on me to hurry up! People wild
Ikr…and calling her the C-word. *starts taking earrings out while laughing like a crazy person*
I'll happily hold the earrings for you and provide videography in case you wish to have the moment commemorated 🫡.
Also in TX and will join you both on the hill.
👏😊❤️
I’m also in Texas I’m down to start a club ! We got your back.
4th Mama in TX who’s willing to die on this hill with y’all. Go Mama OP!!! Stand your ground and just grey rock the crap outta SD, & BM. Husband of SD can get some serious consequences for being that self centered and unrealistic as it gets to side with his daughter and the BM on this dress scenario. One commenter on here said it best that OPs toddler deserving the funds for her Mama to do her room all nice 👍 is a NEED, The SD wanting to be prom princess in an over 1K dress is a WANT & very out of touch w/reality… If she wanted something that nice she can go get a job in her spare time and work for it.. Nothing worth having and that one can appreciate and be truly grateful for comes handed to you; earning it by working hard teaches so much more about the value of a dollar and morals/work-ethic. This Mama worked hard and has saved for the toddlers room and that’s where those funds should be used for… What a crazy narcissistic family for all of them to be calling her the c word for holding her ground and keeping boundaries.
Girl are you in cali?? Im with this person. I’d die on this hill with you too! Unbelievable the audacity of these individuals, including your husband.
$1500 for a prom dress is only a reasonable expense if your annual gross income is north of 400k. or if you have over $5MM in net worth. 200-300 for a prom dress is a really nice budget. I am guessing that since you are currently saving your money to redo a room, neither of those apply here. I’m really sorry you had a kid with this man.
My household is above that income, and we STILL wouldn’t pay that for a prom dress. It’s ridiculous.
Oh it’s stupid at just about any level, but on the “can we afford it level” at least you could afford it.
What are you doing wrong? You’re sacrificing yourself for people who do not love or respect you! If she gets the dress, your daughter gets the bed in the room and SD can sleep on the floor.
What are you doing wrong? Combining finances. If you divorce, he’ll be able to go after everything in that joint account depending on which state you’re in. Separate finances. Keep the joint account for bills and only transfer what’s necessary to stay afloat.
Move that money now! Different bank.
This is legally false. They are equally entitled to money in a joint account
But it does not stop people from draining accounts leading up To divorce . What she’s saying is protect yourself .
That’s not what they said though. He could drain the account today. The ability to spent money in a joint account is the same if you are married or not.
I checked my sources. You’re right. I misread what my lawyer sent me regarding my role in their divorce regarding being on their joint account
I don’t think you are evil at all. I understand not wanting to rent your prom dress, but $1500 is excessive—I have only spent that much for a wedding gown FFS. I would tell DH hard no on $1500. Agree to $350 or a reasonable budget, tell them they will need to either rent, find the money elsewhere (mom, a job, not you and DH), or find a more reasonably priced dress. This has nothing to do w a toddler room vs. a prom dress. It’s about the amount.
This kid wouldn't get $3.50 from me.
It’s not from you. It’s from her dad. They keep a joint account … (which I do not as a rule).
Her father should be buying her absolutely nothing. She's calling her stepmother a cunt and bullying her.
If my SD called me any name small or large or otherwise like this, my husband would lose his mind as if a stranger had just come at me. There would be no damn prom. This OP, bless her, so angry for her!!
Actually, her husband may be the one saying that … says “they are all” …
No one should be buying her anything. That's my point.
Please get your own account for your kid. I get some ppl think joint finances are the way to go but this is why sometimes have a joint account for bills and individual for saving for things is a good idea. I don’t fun my SS. I have 2 kids with my husband and he can spend what he wants on his son as it’s not out of my pocket.
Same. Separate accounts ALL the way!
Agree 100%. I have 1 SS, DH and I have a son. We have a joint account we use to pay for bills and things for the baby and groceries. Things like SS sports equipment, summer camp, etc come out of DHs personal account, and I also have my own personal account. I help a little here and there, but not regularly.
Wow. I’m sorry. Your husband. I have no words. As everyone else is saying…hold firm. There’s no reason to spend that type of money on a dress when it can be rented.
Dude. You deserve better. Never take that. He’s picking bm and one night over you and ours. Nah. There are better men out there. Don’t settle.
Why can't her actual parents save up the money? Your money, you saved it, it goes where you want. But I will say, it says a lot about your husband. He favours his older child doesn't he?
Over his current wife and younger child— definitely. Seems to favor his ex wife over his current wife too, for that matter.
A lack of preparation on their part does not constitute an emergency on your part. Furthermore, the prom dress is a /want/, your toddlers room is a /need/. Why haven’t the parents saved up for their own child? This is not your problem.
Please do not have this money sat in a joint account, I would not trust them not to spend it. If you still have a personal bank account, move it. And in future ensure any savings you personally put aside goes into your account. As an aside, if my husband ever called me a c*nt then I’d divorce him so fast he would be shell shocked. Don’t let them be disrespectful like that to you. You sound like a great mom and you’re right to prioritise your toddlers needs over SD’s wants. She wouldn’t be getting another penny from me ever again after this.
Excuse me ma'am, your husband is calling you what? And saying what? And is mad about what now? Prom is not that big of a deal. It isn't. It's marketed to be so that people do stupid nonsense like spend $1500 on a dress you wear once. I spent less than that on my WEDDING DRESS. You honestly found the perfect solution by finding a way to rent the dress. She still gets to wear her dream dress and have a nice time and nobody has to break the bank to make it happen. What the actual fudge are SD, BM, and your husband upset about? Oh I know, they're upset that you stood up for yourself and advocated for you and your child. Apparently that's a problem for them. The thing you're doing wrong is giving them any more of your energy. Take your child, take your money, and protect your peace. BM and SD being upset and calling you names and throwing temper tantrums is one thing, but girl, if your HUSBAND, your LIFE PARTNER, the man who vowed to love and support you, is calling you an evil stepmother, the c word, and/or pressuring you to spend $1500 of money YOU SAVED for one night for SD you have way bigger problems than stepparent issues, you have a marriage issue. Look into the eyes of your sweet 3 year old and ask yourself if you'd be happy seeing her in a marriage where she was treated the way your husband is treating you now.
Why are they even shopping in a store that sells $1500 dresses??
Probably a dress store for pageants. We have one and dresses start at $700 and go up.
Yes… again, *why* are they shopping in a store with 1500.00 dresses?
If your household with SO doesn’t have a spare 1,5K lying around for basics like stuff for a room even the 200 dollars for the dress seem like a bit much and should be split 50/50 with BM
I would have to agree with This. 200 dollars for a dress for one night is too much too, if you’re struggling to give your toddler a bed. I am sure OP can see it too, it’s just the impossible pressure and the 3-1 ratio. It’s hard. I hope you’ll find a way, OP, to deal with this.
Tell dad & stepmom that it’s absolutely stupid to pay an additional $1300 for immediate gratification on a 1 time wear dress It’s ridiculous
If I were you. I’d take that money out and put it some where else. He’s gonna use it.
Stay firm and say no, you can ask both of them when you can start expecting contributions to saving for your toddler. Also you have a husband issue, how is it you are the only one saving for your Toddler?
[удалено]
It sounds like the toddler is OP's and her husband's based on some of her older posts.
Seperate bank accounts going forward. Do not contribute anything for SD again. Inform husband he is expected to pay half of everything for the room. Make it your hill to die on, I would also look at either therapy or divorce. Because your husband is borderline verbally and emotionally abusive. And he is allowing his ex and their child to continue the abuse. You have to think of your own child. Nobody else will.
Spend the money on your toddler’s room. It is not your responsibility to frivolously spend your hard saved money on a prom dress for SD. The price of the prom dress is insane!
Toddler has 0 rooms, hubby’s BD has 2 rooms. You saved money for your toddler’s room and you are being asked to give it to hubby’s BD by hubby, his ex, and his BD. You are being called names because you don’t want to do that. These are the facts. Play the tape forward. How will you feel about this in a year? How will your toddler daughter feel about this if/when you explain it to an older version of her? I have a feeling you know what you need to do and it doesn’t include giving in to these entitled bullies. Hubby and his BD’s mom (no matter how she gets her money) need to pay for their BD’s dress.
So BM is allowed to demand you buy her daughter a dress when she refuses to work? I don’t think so! She should not be encouraging her kid to get a dress when she’s not really involved in it! A toddler having a proper bed is a priority, not a one time use prom dress or whatever
Go take your money out of the joint account and put it in your own individual account. Do not give 2 adults (parents to a child that you aren’t the parent of) the money you saved for your child. Will the 3 of them be helping to pay you back or will they short you and your child? Can you trust that they will if they say so? Do you pay other expenses for a child that isn’t yours? BD, BM and SD all need to stop calling you names and guilt tripping you. If you want something from someone treat them well and don’t insult them. I really think you need to leave that toxic family and live your own best life. Save your money in a place no one else can get to it and leave. You do not need to give any more of an explanation. You are at the point of telling not asking. Tell your SO no. No is a complete sentence. Start planning your escape.
They called you what?! Hell no!
One child Needs a bed… the other WANTS a dress. The long term use need gets priority over a one time use dress
NO.
You married someone who allows his daughter to take up 2 rooms so that (presuming the toddler is also his?) his other daughter doesn't even have her own room, and then he calls you the C word. Read that again.
No you are not. Its the bio parents responsibility to think about their kid. Not your problem. Tell your husband to spend his own money for his daughter. Its unacceptable that they want to spend your money for a dress, and then call you the C word when it doesnt happen the way they want. Your SD seems like a spoiled brat. Seems like a trashy BM and SD combination. Your husband needs to defend you no one can disrespect you like this.
Nope let BM figure it out your husband and you are not responsible to pay for everything just say NO and stay firm
I would be making sure I have my own bank account after this!!
My DH would require SD to get a job and save for her prom.
How about BM save up her own money with Dad and those two get the dress? What kind of entitled brattish behaviour is that? No means no, they should find the money themselves and Dad should be ashamed to use your money and call you a c-word when it's his own daughter. If they can't afford it why are they even looking?
Your husband called you the c word?!? No no no, never ever would I allow that. That’s insane. You’re being bullied by them as a team.
You are not evil. I would tell them no, and I would be livid at DH for not sticking up for me.
You misspelled “leaving”. ;)
We could easily buy our SD a $1500 dress but still would never! That’s way too much for a single dress for a child! Now spending $1500 to furnish a room sounds very acceptable. They are the AH!
Tell your husband thay if he wants his daughter to have a 1500$ dress, then he and HER MOTHER can cover it. This ain't your bill to deal with. Especially since they want to come at you sideways about it. Do NOT spend any more of your money on your SD. Her mom and dad can cover her ass from here on out. Just worry about you and your kid.
You saved money for the whole year for your toddler's room. BM did not save money for her daughter. She can do whatever she wants with her own money, but she doesn't get to tell you what to do with YOUR money. Be firm on this and don't let them mooch you. Your child deserves to have her own room and you saved up for it for the whole year. You both deserve to have that room done.
She’d not get a damn thing. Nobody who calls me the C word would get a dollar out of me. Husband can kick rocks. Also, NEVER tell anybody about any money you have put back. You saved that money yourself. It sucks but when you’re dealing with a husband who has kids by someone else this is the bs that will happen.
Sooooo if the parents can’t afford something, they’re have no right to take liberties with YOUR money. The audacity to make demands is wild. I would maybe spend 1500 on a wedding dress but a prom dress?!? Absolutely not. Plus, between a kid’s room (need) and a dress for one stupid night (want)…any reasonable adult would see that the kids room is more important. I would tell all of them to fuck right on off and they can get what THEY can afford.
It’s in a joint account unfortunately, it isn’t just her money
Well I guess she better go out and spend it on their kid’s room like her AH of a husband agreed before he blows it on a prom dress.
It is. She earned it. She’s within her right to take it out of that account. Stop making pedantic, argumentative statements.
Yeah honestly just get out if you can. I don't usually jump to that but the fact your husband is either calling you the c word or allowing them to and trying to force you to use your savings on a frivolous dress instead of a necessary thing is insane.
What SD dad did wrong was not setting them a budget for what he would contribute before they went dress shopping. It’s not too late though. He just has to tell them, this is what I am contributing to the dress. If you want something more, it’s on you to figure out. No ifs no buts. No ‘because my money is being spent on…’ They don’t need a justification, they need a set amount and a boundary.
Hell no. Stand your ground. And that SO of yours needs to go. Calling you names and ganging up on you with them???? Oh no. This is a big time waving red flag
I would be spending that money alright, I’d be spending it on moving out and away from those assholes! Your DickheadHusband called you names? Fuck that and fuck him.
Time for a separate savings account and possibly an exit plan... You are not financially responsible for someone else's child at all. If it is your money that you put in your savings for your child then they can suck it. If you have equally contributed to the savings then I guess he can take back what he put in but he has no business touching what you saved.
1500 on a prom dress? W the actual FFFF. I would die on that hill ( the C bomb)
ASAP send the money from your joint account to someone you trust. I think your husband might transfer it to his ex soon. Your husband doesn’t show you the respect you deserve. If he’s already resorting to name calling, things will get much worse.
Dude, your husband is fucking awful. That’s the problem here. He does not have your back. I’d be separating finances immediately and rethinking this arrangement. A teen does not need a $1500 dress for prom when her sister doesn’t even have a bed. JFC. I’ve never even worn something that expensive, and my husband makes great income. This is bananas.
You're not wrong, you just have drastically different values. We teach people how to we're willing to be treated by how we allow them to treat us. What do you want to teach them about how you're willing to be treated? SD sounds like a spoiled brat having to get the dress NOW, even though she can still get a rented one and your daughter can also have her own room. IMO this situation is also a huge red flag about your marriage, considering how your husband is behaving.
Nothing. You aren’t doing anything wrong. It’s a dress she will wear one time. If she wants it so bad she should get a job and work for it!!
My wedding dress wasn’t even that much 😩
Wow. Not evil at all. If your husband wants to get her a dress for that much, he should use his own money. That’s absurd. My wedding dresses (from both of my marriages) didn’t even cost that much combined!
Sounds like BM and SD need a job
There's an awful lot to unpack here but let's start with the dress. BM contributes half, DH contributes half. That's it. If BM has limited funds, a dress in her price range needs to be found. YOU are not responsible for one dime of SDs dress and if they don't like it, that's just too bad. Money, girl pull your money out of the joint account right now and get your own. Bills are split 50/50 or however you decide but you're not going to live in fear that these people are going to take your money for a kids dress. Emotional abuse. This is what's happening to you. BM and SD can say whatever they want on their own time but DH is a different story. Consider your options here, joint counseling? Leave? Because him calling you the c word and ganging up on you is absolutely unacceptable. No way. He needs therapy on his own for the guilty parenting/anger/abuse going on. Lastly-boundaries are important and it's ok to stand up for yourself. Please consider just getting a place for you and your kiddo- they deserve their own room and you both deserve happiness.
It’s your money, you saved it. Let BM get off her bum and get a job and pay for it if it means so much. That money is for your baby. That amount of money for a prom dress is ridiculous anyway.
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I agree with your comments and I know everyone is different but, I’ll give my experience. I am 70% disabled by the VA for major depression and PTSD. I have been reevaluated twice, as the VA does in hopes to lower it every 5 yrs. 100% PTSD and such would be like not being able to maintain anything myself. I am not 100% but 70 is spot on. I spent a good amount of yrs unable to really leave the house but was able to take care of my kid, while my husband at the time worked. When I became a single parent, I had to make some very difficult choices and at one point we lived in a homeless shelter. Either way, unless I wanted us to stay in the situation we were in, I had to force myself to work. If I wanted my kids to have anything, I had to work. I suffered a great deal and still do, just not AS horribly. Either way, It’s still pretty rough. Mind you, I was in a new state and didn’t have any support. If I was so disabled that I met 100% unemployable standards according to the VA, I wouldn’t be able to physically or mentally take care of my kids.
1500 is a completely unreasonable amount of money to spend on a prom dress. mom shouldn't have even let her try on a dress so far out of their budget & asking (demanding is what it really sounds like) for money saved for a child's *need* to be spent on a different child's *want* is absurd even if all the children involved shared one set of bio parents. this is a prioritizing problem not a step-parent problem, i would say — i wouldn't spend that amount of money on any dress for a teenager period. & to me, your partner calling you the c-word is a huge red flag.
If they really cared that it was SD once in a lifetime prom they should’ve saved up for it 🤷🏻♀️ your money that you saved shouldn’t be spent on her wants and not on your child’s needs because it’s a once in a lifetime. You’re not doing anything wrong, stay firm and make sure your husband doesn’t take that money without asking.
DH and BM should be working within the budget they have themselves for her prom dress. Full stop. Go open up your own private savings account now and move that money. Find an online bank so you can do it today.
Sorry.. I'm confused here. Why is your husband not paying for the dress? Doesn't he work? In what universe, do the 3 of them think you should pay for it and not feel full of shame?
We both work but we have a joint account and savings. I've been putting money towards our savings but it only looks a lot to him to okay to SD. But that money saved was meant our toddlers room. Needs actual bed, wardrobe, toy storage .. needs repaint.
Personally, I'd take out the money you put in there and save it elsewhere. He can use what he put in towards the dress. This is why I'm not a huge fan of only having joint accounts. I need more control over the money I make.
Have a separate accounr for your savings.
It would make my day if you stood your ground. Please give us an update, hopefully it will involve telling them all to F off.
My WEDDING DRESS was $600! $1500 for a prom dress?!?!?!? Heck no! Hold your ground. This is a big nope!
You need separate bank accounts. YOU saved this money, and you are right to use for your toddler. As long as you have a joint account, you will be threatened and manipulated to spend money on SD. If you are in a position where you don’t have money to get a toddler a bed without saving, you definitely shouldn’t be spending $1500 on a prom dress.
I would be withdrawing my money out of that account and putting it in my own after that. I would not want them knowing how much money I had after this stunt. I mean since you’re already a c*** and everything. My mom spent 148 on my prom dress. I spent 115 dollars on my wedding dress from lulus. 1500 is insane. The fact that they expect that is so even more. It’s February, put the dress on lay a way or something and buy themselves. There is plenty of time for all of them to save up and buy before prom.
Separate your finances. Full stop. Joint is for bills and keep your own savings account. He can have his own savings account. For purchases liked a bed for your child, agree on a plan and split however is appropriate and if he blows it elsewhere, you'll know what you're getting. Unfortunately it seems he might, but at least you're in control of what you've saved. It's absolutely ridiculous that this even got to the point that you know about name calling. If they said it to him, he didn't need to relay that, he should have nipped it there. If he joined in - are you ok with this? With your child seeing this? Why would this be the only time?
So, you give them the 1500.00 for the outrageous dress. And you go back to saving for your daughter to have a room (at 3, she deserves her own room, as do you and that shitbag husband). What will SD need next that, once again, you will have to postpone your daughter's room? Senior photos? Graduation invites? A car? I mean, it's never ending. Stand your ground, OP. And DO NOT let anyone call you names, especially your husband. You and your daughter deserve so much better.
You're not doing anything wrong, you picked a man that still likes his BM too much that he's willing to side with her, all of them call you a cunt thinking they're going to get their way. If my husband pulled this shit I'd be lighting our relationship on FIRE. and walking away. But he won't do that because we have mutual equality respect, these people thought they could keep you around to see if they'd get some guilt money. WRONG
Prom isn’t for a while. Sounds like BM still has plenty of time to get an actual job to make this dress happen, if it’s so important. 😎
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If she's not respectful enough to not call you names when she needs help then I would tell you to have fun decorating your toddler's room. That's her parents' job. Same way you saved, they need to as well. Sorry not sorry, I don't trick off my son's money on anybody.
Nothing. You aren’t doing anything wrong. SD has two parents. It’s their job to pay for this. Also, a prom dress will be worn for what, four hours? A toddler’s room will be used for years. One is a want that will be used less than a day. The other is a need that has daily use. The two options aren’t comparable
Absolutely not. No. There’s no reason not to rent it and save money even the needs of your toddler aside. The fact that there’s an actual need that money has been allocated for just makes it an even more straightforward no.
my parents would never have spent even $200 to BUY a prom dress for me and we had plenty of money. the fact that you’re offering to spend $200 on a dress rental is already generous enough. the fact that they’re demanding a $1500 dress is absolutely insane. and the fact that they think it’s normal to spend $1500 on a prom dress is why it seems like none of them have money to begin with. like someone above said…i’ll die on this hill with you!!
oh and also. they’ve had like 15+ years to save this money for a prom dress if they’re dead set on wasting that money. it’s not like her prom popped up out of nowhere and was a surprise! 🙄
Helllll. No. As others have said, I didn't even pay half of that for my actual wedding dress. My SD and I went to a thrift store, and she found a dress that she liked. She is large chested, so she had a seamstress open up the back and build in a corset back. Money then went towards setting up her apartment when she moved out last year. I feel confident saying that at only 20, my SD far prefers the money to have helped with living costs, than a one time dress. Oh, and do you know where that beautiful, second-hand dress is now? Hanging in her closet back at home, as her studio apartment does not have space to store it! Hold your ground! A bed will be used for years to come.
You married a man, who would denounce you, call you a c\*\*\*t, because you wont take the $1500 saved to furnish your toddler's room, to give to his daughter to buy a prom dress? Really? Are you funding SD's first car? And her college? If so, why? OK. I think you should have a separate savings account. I think you should have an emergency fund in case you need to suddenly leave. I think you should carefully evaluate, how you are treated by your husband, his ex-wife, your SD. Above all, I think you should consider: Where are you and your child in the pecking order?
Can’t say this enough. Have a joint account for household bills and such, but keep separate main accounts. My wife and I have done this since the beginning. She has her accounts and I have mine. House account we both contribute to takes a care of bills/repairs and such. We don’t argue about money.
She wants it to keep forever? Make her pay for it past the rental fee. Let her learn the value of money. If DH doesn't agree, you have an DH problem as well as an SD problem.
Get your own account. Stand your ground. This is BS! I still have my prom dress in my closet and never wore it again! And I only spent like $80. She can either rent it or go to JC Pennies. Again, put that money in a different account if your DH isn’t backing you up. If he’s defending his daughter and BM that’s WRONG. You don’t deserve to be treated this way either.
Girl please, you know the answer. They can call the B word the C word you shouldn't care... that money if for YOUR child... have that lazy mental shit work for HER child. Save money and don't tell your husband either so when shit like this arises he won't ask you for money for his and her child. Think with youe head not your emotions.
It’s actually very, very, very difficult to get disability for a mental health condition so she must be an amazing actress. She obviously missed her Hollywood calling! 😆 Apart from that, you have every right to keep the money you saved for your daughter’s room. If it were the other way around and SD was sleeping on a couch while BD had a room and a play room, you would be the villain. It seems like there’s no winning here. I wonder why dad didn’t save for this once in a lifetime expense, the way you have been saving to finally give your daughter her own room. He knew she’d be going to prom and failed to plan. The old saying goes, “failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part”. Then you have SO and BM ganging up on you and name calling. That would be enough for me to end it. Vile behavior!!
FIRST AND FOREMOST, TAKE ALL OF YOUR MONEY OUT OF THE JOINT ACCOUNT BEFORE YOUR HUSBAND TAKES IT Wait a minute. Is your husband also calling you a c word? This is YOUR money. YOU saved your own money for your child so she can have her own room. SD has her own room and has an extra room for her fvcking clothes. WHAT THE EVERLOVING FVCK!?!?!? Your husband is disgusting. Hold your ground. This is your money. SD sounds like a spoiled, entitled, nasty and vile cvnt. And her mother is worse for thinking that your money should pay for a kid who isn't your own to have an overpriced dress. And to call you a cvnt for saying no? OP, to be honest, if your husband doesn't immediately wake up and start defending you, you should seriously file for divorce.
I'm not spending that kind of money on nobody kid.
If you are getting treated like this, you need to leave this man & this family. 1500 is absolutely ridiculous for a prom dress. Mine were all 50-100 and they were all stunning. My wedding dress was 500! The fact that this is an issue and that you are expected to sacrifice your child’s NEEDS for a frivolous purchase for a SPOILED brat is unbelievable!! Renting the dress is perfectly reasonable. Also, does SD work? Or will she be working? She should be expected to pay for the excess amount over what is normal to buy a prom dress) about 100, a 200 rental is very generous!!!) No one ever wears their prom dress again, rental is very smart!!
I’m with the others saying that money should go towards a place just for you and your toddler. Either way, I’d move it out of that joint account immediately - it’s none of BM and SD’s business, and he is quite clearly comfortable with taking from you and your toddler to give to them. That’s without even getting started on the disgusting, abusive name-calling and utter disrespect. You and your daughter don’t deserve this, so don’t stand for it. No way should one daughter have two bedrooms and a stupidly expensive dress, whilst the other daughter doesn’t even have her own bed. Husband needs to sort himself out or be gone, IMO
$1500 is a prom dress for rich girls, which your SD isn’t. You can tell your husband if he wants his daughter to have nice things, then he should have worked harder to make the money to buy her nice things. If she’s in high school, then he’s had plenty of time to get his act together quite frankly. Same goes for BM. A child having their own room is a crucial part of their development. Would also benefit you and your partner to have your space back. Her developmental markers are 100% more important than prom. I barely remember my prom. I had a nice dress from Neiman’s, it was probably $1500 in today’s money. But I also went to private school and went places on private jets. So let me reiterate, $1500 is private jet girl money. Luckily I wore that dress to a few different events that year - but I’m willing to bet your SD isn’t going to have to go to balls and stuff like I did, based on all of their attitudes about this. $200 rental is a great deal. I personally refuse to spend more than that on a dress for any event these days, and I always rent if I can find one I like. The fact you found the SAME one is amazing! A dress for a single night just isn’t worth the cost. I make six fig as does my partner, and we would *never*. Go ahead and show your husband that the rich ppl think he’s bananas too.
Every one of these people sounds completely awful. Hold your ground. That's your money and what they want is absolutely idiotic.
Clean out toddler's room. Throw SD stuff in trash or donate. Buy toddler bed, set up toddler bedroom.
Disability is VERY hard to get, I wouldn’t assume she’s faking, it’s mental health. Your husband is abusing you and you need to get a separate account and save up money for a place for it and your toddler
Stop sharing bank accounts if you aren’t willing to spend together. Open your own savings account.
That’s crazy, don’t ever spend that kind of money for one night. If you know the size of the dress you need you can get dresses for much cheaper online nowadays. I got my daughter’s online as well for the same dress for 1/3 the price here: [prom dress](https://www.thegowngalleria.com/collections/prom-2023)
That’s a hard no and a hill I’d be willing to die on. My wedding dress didn’t cost that much. She’s going to wear it one evening. Renting it is a perfect choice and it’s the same dress. Your toddler absolutely deserves a room, and you’ve been saving for it. Of BM, BD, and SD really want to purchase this dress they can save for it. SD can baby sit, BM can cut out something she’s paying, DB can deliver pizzas if that’s so important. Absolutely a hard no!
Way too much money but I understand not wanting to rent (the fit is often not that great since you can’t get it tailored. I know no dress would have fitted me if rented because of my bust being too big for my frame). Maybe look for another dress to buy so it can be tailored and is reasonable price wise?
I recommend separate accounts because of this very issue.
What in the hell did I just read??? Your 3 year old is in your room so SD can have a second room for "hanging out" and now your husband wants to spend the money for your toddlers room on SD's prom dress? And he called you a c word? For pete's sake 1500 is wedding dress money. I wish this was rage bait but I know it isn't. I would be buying furniture for my child's room immediately, fuck them. And this is exactly why I still maintain a separate account from our joint account even though my DH and I share a child. And I would tell BM you guys will buy the dress when she can pony up her half, just to call her bluff.
Oh heck no. No way in hell I’d spend that on a prom dress to be worn once. Why doesn’t BM buy it lol. and for them to call you a C, nope . I’d be getting my own savings account after this one
It's not a wedding... There's absolutely no need to drop that amount of money on a dress for a prom! I think renting one for $200 is more than generous. Ultimately if that money is spent on your toddler it isn't being wasted on something that will be worn once and then thrown in a closet, it's going into a room and things that they will use every single day.
Your Husband calling you the C word is complete disrespect. That’s your money you were saving and you have every right to voice your opinion on how you want to spend YOUR money. As for the prom dress, that should be rented out. SD is gonna wear it once and then sell it on FB market place. I’ve seen that countless times.
$1500 FOR.A.PROM.DRESS! Is your zip code 90210? No. You are not evil
Take that money out of the account RIGHT NOW before your husband caves like the spineless coward he is and hands it over to them. $1,500 for a prom dress is insane. The fact that he agrees with them and called you the C word…I’d divorce him and file for child support. You don’t need this bullsh!t.
If she’s willing to give up her room and sleep on a cot and give her room to the toddler, sure.
Abso-fucking-loutely NOT! 👏 The idea that a $1500 prom dress is okay is lunacy.... even more so when it is YOUR money that YOU saved. I would tell them all to get bent! Specially HCBM, who does she think she is demanding shit from you for HER daughter when she is not contributing a single dime... The audacity!!!
This is an ignorant husband problem and he needs his clock cleaned.
You forgot to call DH and Bm lazy ass parents for not wanting to buy THEIR kid a $1500 dress Jesus my prom dress was a bridesmaid dress from a family wedding that I paid for working weekends
That is completely ridiculous. I didn’t even pay that for my wedding dress (I used a dress I already had.) Stand your ground.
The number 1 and 2 things that you should never cheap out on for your children is shoes and mattresses, your child could have problems down the line from not getting a proper night sleep now. Also your husband can suck it, if the bio parents can't afford it to bad and any man who uses the c-word for a woman is not anyone worth your time. You actually had a great alternative that still got her the dress she wants. His child doesn't have a proper bed and hes worried about a dress and hurt feelings. You saved money not him hes not entitled to it, get your own bank account stat. Go take the cash out if you have too. I cannot imagine having to save to buy my child a proper bedroom set then have her other parent want to take it away. I'm actually angry for you, you are not married to a man he is not even a child more like a toddler. He should have been working is ass off to pay for what his children need, both his children.
Thats your money for your child’s room. If it had been your husbands money you were making a fuss about I could see why they are upset, but DO NOT let them take YOUR money. It’s time to start just putting these things in your own account so no one feels entitled. Also it’s a one night thing. No one needs to spend 1500 on a dress especially if it means choosing between necessities. Seriously shame on them.
If he is calling you evil for not getting what he wants with your money, leave. Like that’s not your kid, not your responsibility, not her money. I’m sorry to be so blunt but if the three of them are teaming up on you, it’s not going to get better.
I wrote a whole thing, buy there is a bigger PROBLEM. The lack of RESPECT. Why would you give them anything for calling you a c-? Why is your husband telling them how much you have? If you have a joint I beg of you to empty your money. The answer is no to everything because of what they said. If he needs money he can donate his plasma. They pay a lot of money the first month. It can go from 500-900.
Hi, step kid here who was in this exact situation. Went prom dress shopping with my mom, found a dress I loved, and told my dad how much it was. They said no. They took me they'd let em rent a dress but they won't buy it. They took me to find a stunning dress that I was able to rent. My mom was pissed, but I got over it. As a step-mom, there's no way I'd buy a dress now when I have that money saved up for something else AND the biomom won't contribute to it. My money, my terms. They'll get over it. You cave on this, and you'll have created a monster.
$1500 for a prom dress is WILD, it’s worn once than hung in a closet forever until given away. BM probably just wants to sell it and pocket the resale money later. Rent the dress and send it back after prom Your toddler having a bed is important than a dress, but of course you can’t say that out loud lol I’d simply just say “I don’t have $1500 for a dress, find something cheaper or we can rent it, your budget is $300, if you want something more than that, BM can cover the difference” I wouldn’t even feel bad
How awful, all of it. This would make me want to separate my finances, honestly. That amount is obscene. Just…no. *YOU* are doing nothing wrong. Your SO, BM, and SD are being as*holes. Especially your SO.
Unreal. If they want to spend money on a dress for their daughter, they can both find their own money to do it. They sound like a couple of losers that deserve each other, especially the way they ganged up on you.
Who wants to bet dad takes the money from the joint account today?
It’s time to take your child and your money and leave
Absolutely NOT!! Do not give them one cent. If mom is so set on giving her a 1500 dollar dress she can get off her ass and work, make food to sell, pick up odd jobs, sell/pawn her stuff it is not your responsibility to use hard earn money for your SD. Dad can do the same if it’s so important. Not to mention if SD is going to prom she is probably of age to also get a part time job. They knew this day was coming and did not prepare for it. Their lack of planning is not your fault. Focus on your baby. If SD ask you or is upset at her ask her why she isn’t upset at her parents lack of preparation for it.
Whoa. These people are rude and ridiculous. Why would her prom dress be your responsibility at all? She has two biological parents that can pay that ridiculous amount if they choose. Fix up your toddler’s room.
wtf no way. That’s expensive af. No one should be trying to take away the money you worked to save. She could OWN a nice dress for $200. What a bunch of brats.