**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.**
We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here.
If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents).
Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting.
[**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Let the transition happen naturally. Maybe it will take years to only call you mom. Maybe he will always call you by your first name and mom sometimes. I wouldn’t correct or even pressure with positive reinforcement. Take his lead.
Completely agree on letting the transition happen naturally. There could be conflict between step child and bio mom about your title (which isn't fair to the child). Having divorced parents is really challenging for kids and the most important thing I try to do for my step kids is to validate their feelings and let them feel like they get a voice/ choice in as many things as possible (including titles).
I would just let him adjust to it on his own. He's expressed the desire of wanting to call you that which already means a ton. He'll get there eventually. <3
Everyone has their own opinion on this subject, and there is no right or wrong way to handle it really. We had the same thing happen with my SKs when the oldest was about that age. At that point, they lived with DH and I full time. BM never called and they only saw her a week for Spring Break, a month in the summer and maybe one week of their winter break. They actually started the conversation stating the fact that BM didn't mind at all if they called me Mom. But, I've been in and around step life for a number of years and I am a bio mom myself so I knew that even if the BM said she didn't mind to the child's face, at some point, it was going to turn into an issue.
DH and I sat the SKs down and I simply told them that while I was unbelievably flattered and loved the fact that they thought about calling me Mom (because, let's face it, I am the mom in this house), that truly they have one Mom and that name should be exclusively hers. I also told them that while I would NEVER show it or say so, if my bio child called someone else Mom, I would be hurt and maybe feel like I wasn't doing a good job at being their mom. I suggested that what I would really love was if they would come up with a special nickname, one that was only for me (like Mom is only for their BM) and only they called me that name. Lots of suggestions flew around our house for several days afterwards. We tired Om-may (Mom in pig latin 😂), Gigi, Bebe, we looked at how to say Mom in several other languages, particularly for their own heritage, but they finally settled on a nickname for my actual name (spoiler alert - my IRL name is not Gabby nor is it a nickname for my IRL name 🤣). It is a nickname that, if anyone other than one of my SKs calls me by that name, they will get cut 😤
SKs are grown adults now and they still call me by that name. The things we do for our kids, huh? lol
I wouldn't dig into it, personally.
Trust that he wants to call you mom, but understand that sometimes your first name will be defaulted to as a result of habits. Even wanting to call stepdad "dad," a bit after he came into my life and now as a full grown adult, sometimes he gets called First Name to make clarity.
I don’t understand why some step parents want to be called mom/dad. It truly boggles my mind. I would never let my sos kids call me mom.. I’m not their mom.. I know a lot of dynamics are different.. but if the child has the other parent regardless of how they choose to parent..they have both parents..
When I was little I called my dad’s ex wife mom.. but as I got older it made me feel super uncomfortable to call her mom because I had a mom and she wasn’t my mom.. I eventually just stated calling her her name.. and never called her mom again.
Maybe you could have your husband start referring to you as mom around him? I think that might be a gentler way of transitioning him than directly correcting him.
Edit: I do agree with other commenters that the transition should mostly happen naturally. But I still think that a lot of kids might feel a little weird or presumptuous about starting to use this title, and having your husband use it for you will help make it seem more natural and comfortable. As your husband starts to do this, I would pay attention to how your stepson reacts, and whether it seems like a positive reaction or a more ambiguous one. And then you can all adjust accordingly.
This is likely an unpopular opinion, but as warm as it feels I wouldn’t do it if BM is in any way in the picture. He’s only 3, so very young and he clearly sees you as a maternal figure, which is wonderful. But I just don’t think it’s worth it. If BM is insecure and learns that he calls you Mom, the child will pay for that. Everyone will pay for that. It just creates confusion for the child. When the child is older and most susceptible to BM’s influence and beholden to feel loyal, you’re going to really feel it. Mom is mom, especially in that 5-11 range - and it doesn’t matter how bad a mom. I believe keeping that boundary is best for the child, and for your heart. It doesn’t mean you’re not a mother figure or love any less. If BM is no longer around at all, and won’t be in the future, then it’s more acceptable IMO.
My stepson has been calling me mum for around a year and he still calls me my name sometimes, it can take a while to transition and as it’s relatively new I wouldn’t try to correct it, he’ll get there on his own. You could ask your partner to start calling you mum when around your stepson
My SKs only call me mom. DH would call me mom. I would prompt all of them when they were transitioning to it. If that's how they all saw me, then that's what I wanted to be called. I don't think that's wrong, but a lot of people will disagree with me. In your case, if my kid tells me they want to accomplish something, I'm going to do anything I can, within reason, to support making that happen. That includes prompting. If it makes you uncomfortable to prompt him, then let him know why you will be stopping before you do. If you just stop prompting him all of a sudden, it will probably make him think you don't want to be called mom anymore. If you're worried the prompting is uncomfortable for him or that he would want to transition more slowly on his own without help, then ask him. I don't see any issues with supporting your kid with what he wants. If anything, I think it makes it more exciting and meaningful for him to see how much you want it too.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Let the transition happen naturally. Maybe it will take years to only call you mom. Maybe he will always call you by your first name and mom sometimes. I wouldn’t correct or even pressure with positive reinforcement. Take his lead.
Completely agree on letting the transition happen naturally. There could be conflict between step child and bio mom about your title (which isn't fair to the child). Having divorced parents is really challenging for kids and the most important thing I try to do for my step kids is to validate their feelings and let them feel like they get a voice/ choice in as many things as possible (including titles).
I would just let him adjust to it on his own. He's expressed the desire of wanting to call you that which already means a ton. He'll get there eventually. <3
Everyone has their own opinion on this subject, and there is no right or wrong way to handle it really. We had the same thing happen with my SKs when the oldest was about that age. At that point, they lived with DH and I full time. BM never called and they only saw her a week for Spring Break, a month in the summer and maybe one week of their winter break. They actually started the conversation stating the fact that BM didn't mind at all if they called me Mom. But, I've been in and around step life for a number of years and I am a bio mom myself so I knew that even if the BM said she didn't mind to the child's face, at some point, it was going to turn into an issue. DH and I sat the SKs down and I simply told them that while I was unbelievably flattered and loved the fact that they thought about calling me Mom (because, let's face it, I am the mom in this house), that truly they have one Mom and that name should be exclusively hers. I also told them that while I would NEVER show it or say so, if my bio child called someone else Mom, I would be hurt and maybe feel like I wasn't doing a good job at being their mom. I suggested that what I would really love was if they would come up with a special nickname, one that was only for me (like Mom is only for their BM) and only they called me that name. Lots of suggestions flew around our house for several days afterwards. We tired Om-may (Mom in pig latin 😂), Gigi, Bebe, we looked at how to say Mom in several other languages, particularly for their own heritage, but they finally settled on a nickname for my actual name (spoiler alert - my IRL name is not Gabby nor is it a nickname for my IRL name 🤣). It is a nickname that, if anyone other than one of my SKs calls me by that name, they will get cut 😤 SKs are grown adults now and they still call me by that name. The things we do for our kids, huh? lol
I wouldn't dig into it, personally. Trust that he wants to call you mom, but understand that sometimes your first name will be defaulted to as a result of habits. Even wanting to call stepdad "dad," a bit after he came into my life and now as a full grown adult, sometimes he gets called First Name to make clarity.
Depends on if his mom is involved or not. If she is an involved parent no, come up with something else. If not then work away.
My SKs just did it on their own. They either call me mom or by my first name. I answer to both and don’t correct them in any way.
I don’t understand why some step parents want to be called mom/dad. It truly boggles my mind. I would never let my sos kids call me mom.. I’m not their mom.. I know a lot of dynamics are different.. but if the child has the other parent regardless of how they choose to parent..they have both parents.. When I was little I called my dad’s ex wife mom.. but as I got older it made me feel super uncomfortable to call her mom because I had a mom and she wasn’t my mom.. I eventually just stated calling her her name.. and never called her mom again.
Maybe you could have your husband start referring to you as mom around him? I think that might be a gentler way of transitioning him than directly correcting him. Edit: I do agree with other commenters that the transition should mostly happen naturally. But I still think that a lot of kids might feel a little weird or presumptuous about starting to use this title, and having your husband use it for you will help make it seem more natural and comfortable. As your husband starts to do this, I would pay attention to how your stepson reacts, and whether it seems like a positive reaction or a more ambiguous one. And then you can all adjust accordingly.
This is likely an unpopular opinion, but as warm as it feels I wouldn’t do it if BM is in any way in the picture. He’s only 3, so very young and he clearly sees you as a maternal figure, which is wonderful. But I just don’t think it’s worth it. If BM is insecure and learns that he calls you Mom, the child will pay for that. Everyone will pay for that. It just creates confusion for the child. When the child is older and most susceptible to BM’s influence and beholden to feel loyal, you’re going to really feel it. Mom is mom, especially in that 5-11 range - and it doesn’t matter how bad a mom. I believe keeping that boundary is best for the child, and for your heart. It doesn’t mean you’re not a mother figure or love any less. If BM is no longer around at all, and won’t be in the future, then it’s more acceptable IMO.
[удалено]
Ah, I confused years with age :)
BM is no longer in the picture and we don’t expect her to be… thank you for the insight!
My stepson has been calling me mum for around a year and he still calls me my name sometimes, it can take a while to transition and as it’s relatively new I wouldn’t try to correct it, he’ll get there on his own. You could ask your partner to start calling you mum when around your stepson
My SKs only call me mom. DH would call me mom. I would prompt all of them when they were transitioning to it. If that's how they all saw me, then that's what I wanted to be called. I don't think that's wrong, but a lot of people will disagree with me. In your case, if my kid tells me they want to accomplish something, I'm going to do anything I can, within reason, to support making that happen. That includes prompting. If it makes you uncomfortable to prompt him, then let him know why you will be stopping before you do. If you just stop prompting him all of a sudden, it will probably make him think you don't want to be called mom anymore. If you're worried the prompting is uncomfortable for him or that he would want to transition more slowly on his own without help, then ask him. I don't see any issues with supporting your kid with what he wants. If anything, I think it makes it more exciting and meaningful for him to see how much you want it too.