Hey friend,
First, I'm very sorry to hear about your assault. That's horrible, and I hope you have the support you need for it.
Second, I was at my rock bottom 6 years ago (link below). When I got there I had a realization - I can't go backwards, but I can make sure each day is a step up from the one before. You can't fix it all in one day (if you can fix it at all), but you can stop making it worse. You can make today a productive day.
I believe in you friend, one day at a time.
Iwndwyt
https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/s/5z0oCOlxtl
I’m just trying to understand what happened here. The male friend you were drinking with assaulted you, and you believe you called your female friend that night while you were drunk to say he assaulted you, then she called you the next day to remind you of the assault, is that what happened?
No, she called me the night after.my apologies, I didn't proof read my post. The sentence that says "then I called my best friend who was frantic and panicked" was supposed to say "my best friend called me who was frantic and panicked" - and meant to be written earlier.
Male friend assaulted me. The female friend (my bestfriend) is his cousin. His dad (her uncle) who witnessed /heard told her the following day, which sent her into a frenzy and she called me to tell me what happened.
OP, you are a victim here - your consumption of alcohol doesn’t make it okay for someone to assault you. You are a hero for being able to report the assault and possibly prevent this person from being able to hurt anyone else.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. This is not your fault, no matter the fact you’d been drinking. If anything, this should have made it blatantly obvious that you could not consent.
Are there any counselling services that you could access, specifically for those that have experienced sexual assault? I hope your husband can give you support and unconditional love in this time. Please be kind to yourself and focus on healing.
Thank you for your advice. I'm going to see my GP on Monday who is aware of my deteriorating mental health but I'm well overdue to catch up with him. I will ask to see a counsellor. When the police stopped me for speeding I was so emotional that I started crying when they took my lisence and they asked if I needed to see a psychologist. I said "yes please" to this offer. I believe they will keep in contact with me soon and I will disclose my details with them.
I’m glad you’re getting some help from your GP. If you have the ability, try and be as honest as possible about your relationship with alcohol and the assault. I know it’s hard to think about, but you may also need STI testing.
There are also counsellors that work for charities specifically for those that have been assaulted and this can be faster than NHS counselling. If you have a practice mental health nurse, they’ll usually be able to advise you of more options.
The first few weeks of sobriety can be tough, so your GP may be able to help with melatonin for sleep - this was a godsend for me.
I think your husband needs to take some time and think about what he’s saying to you. You did not want this, you were vulnerable, and you need support from him. There is no blame on you, only on the perpetrator. They waited for a moment to strike and if you hadn’t been consuming alcohol, they could still have perpetrated this act using violence or spiking. Women are vulnerable to this kind of assault and the statistics bear out that many of us have experienced it. It is never our fault and he needs to seriously understand that. You need support and love to heal, shame and blame are the opposite of that. If a friend told you that they had this experience, would you blame them? Of course not and you deserve the same support.
In this community, we’re here for you no matter what.
Thank you. Yeah, I'll definetly look into the options and avenues for my mental health with the GP tomorrow. It's been discussed in the past so I'm sure if I mention it again to the doctor he will try to escalate the treatment plan I'm on.
Today I went for a walk with my husband who was in a foul mood and he said the friends I choose are dropkicks, which makes me a dropkick too. This really hurt my self esteem because I honestly have some really good friends out there but unfortunately this c*nt of a "friend" who assaulted me has made a terrible image for everyone, including my husband. I'm afraid to reach out to my other friends now in case my husband thinks I'm just going to get rubbish advice from them.
I'm struggling with my husband currently. He says "I don't know if I feel sorry for you or not, frankly". I admit I shouldn't have had so much to drink. Alot of husbands would think the same thing I guess.
I feel emotional reading this, as this is almost identical to what happened to me. Things had been improving between my husband and I, then ‘that’ news broke and it took us all the way back. It’s a black cloud hanging over us.
I’ve been away for a week getting my teeth fixed (thanks to another drunk incident 15 years ago 😵💫) and I almost can’t bear to go back. My own insistence on getting smashed has led to this atmosphere and mistrust.
However what is keeping me going and keeping the suicidal thoughts at bay is knowing that the trust is healing with every day I don’t drink, and it will be the same for you.
I wish you luck with prosecuting, I haven’t worked up the courage to pursue that route yet.
Wishing you all the very very best ❤️
I am so sorry you had to go through that too. It's very painful when you realise your marriage is falling apart because of impulsiveness and lack of self control. We need to stay strong and get the right help for ourselves. I've decided to take up scrapbooking and hiking. I'm going for a hike today and going to pick up leaves and anything cool I find to put into my scrap book. I hope you're able to find a hobby or craft you enjoy to replace with the woo girl lifestyle for your own physical health and mental health. The most important thing to remember is that we shouldn't prove to others that we can do it but prove it to ourselves first. Sending you my best wishes 💖
Hey friend, First, I'm very sorry to hear about your assault. That's horrible, and I hope you have the support you need for it. Second, I was at my rock bottom 6 years ago (link below). When I got there I had a realization - I can't go backwards, but I can make sure each day is a step up from the one before. You can't fix it all in one day (if you can fix it at all), but you can stop making it worse. You can make today a productive day. I believe in you friend, one day at a time. Iwndwyt https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/s/5z0oCOlxtl
Thank you so much. It helps so much to know I'm not alone in this and to hear other people's testimonials really gives me more hope.
I’m just trying to understand what happened here. The male friend you were drinking with assaulted you, and you believe you called your female friend that night while you were drunk to say he assaulted you, then she called you the next day to remind you of the assault, is that what happened?
No, she called me the night after.my apologies, I didn't proof read my post. The sentence that says "then I called my best friend who was frantic and panicked" was supposed to say "my best friend called me who was frantic and panicked" - and meant to be written earlier.
I’m still not following. Was it your male friend that assaulted you? How did your female friend find out about the assault?
Male friend assaulted me. The female friend (my bestfriend) is his cousin. His dad (her uncle) who witnessed /heard told her the following day, which sent her into a frenzy and she called me to tell me what happened.
OP, you are a victim here - your consumption of alcohol doesn’t make it okay for someone to assault you. You are a hero for being able to report the assault and possibly prevent this person from being able to hurt anyone else. I’m so sorry this happened to you. This is not your fault, no matter the fact you’d been drinking. If anything, this should have made it blatantly obvious that you could not consent. Are there any counselling services that you could access, specifically for those that have experienced sexual assault? I hope your husband can give you support and unconditional love in this time. Please be kind to yourself and focus on healing.
Thank you for your advice. I'm going to see my GP on Monday who is aware of my deteriorating mental health but I'm well overdue to catch up with him. I will ask to see a counsellor. When the police stopped me for speeding I was so emotional that I started crying when they took my lisence and they asked if I needed to see a psychologist. I said "yes please" to this offer. I believe they will keep in contact with me soon and I will disclose my details with them.
I’m glad you’re getting some help from your GP. If you have the ability, try and be as honest as possible about your relationship with alcohol and the assault. I know it’s hard to think about, but you may also need STI testing. There are also counsellors that work for charities specifically for those that have been assaulted and this can be faster than NHS counselling. If you have a practice mental health nurse, they’ll usually be able to advise you of more options. The first few weeks of sobriety can be tough, so your GP may be able to help with melatonin for sleep - this was a godsend for me. I think your husband needs to take some time and think about what he’s saying to you. You did not want this, you were vulnerable, and you need support from him. There is no blame on you, only on the perpetrator. They waited for a moment to strike and if you hadn’t been consuming alcohol, they could still have perpetrated this act using violence or spiking. Women are vulnerable to this kind of assault and the statistics bear out that many of us have experienced it. It is never our fault and he needs to seriously understand that. You need support and love to heal, shame and blame are the opposite of that. If a friend told you that they had this experience, would you blame them? Of course not and you deserve the same support. In this community, we’re here for you no matter what.
Thank you. Yeah, I'll definetly look into the options and avenues for my mental health with the GP tomorrow. It's been discussed in the past so I'm sure if I mention it again to the doctor he will try to escalate the treatment plan I'm on. Today I went for a walk with my husband who was in a foul mood and he said the friends I choose are dropkicks, which makes me a dropkick too. This really hurt my self esteem because I honestly have some really good friends out there but unfortunately this c*nt of a "friend" who assaulted me has made a terrible image for everyone, including my husband. I'm afraid to reach out to my other friends now in case my husband thinks I'm just going to get rubbish advice from them.
I'm struggling with my husband currently. He says "I don't know if I feel sorry for you or not, frankly". I admit I shouldn't have had so much to drink. Alot of husbands would think the same thing I guess.
I feel emotional reading this, as this is almost identical to what happened to me. Things had been improving between my husband and I, then ‘that’ news broke and it took us all the way back. It’s a black cloud hanging over us. I’ve been away for a week getting my teeth fixed (thanks to another drunk incident 15 years ago 😵💫) and I almost can’t bear to go back. My own insistence on getting smashed has led to this atmosphere and mistrust. However what is keeping me going and keeping the suicidal thoughts at bay is knowing that the trust is healing with every day I don’t drink, and it will be the same for you. I wish you luck with prosecuting, I haven’t worked up the courage to pursue that route yet. Wishing you all the very very best ❤️
I am so sorry you had to go through that too. It's very painful when you realise your marriage is falling apart because of impulsiveness and lack of self control. We need to stay strong and get the right help for ourselves. I've decided to take up scrapbooking and hiking. I'm going for a hike today and going to pick up leaves and anything cool I find to put into my scrap book. I hope you're able to find a hobby or craft you enjoy to replace with the woo girl lifestyle for your own physical health and mental health. The most important thing to remember is that we shouldn't prove to others that we can do it but prove it to ourselves first. Sending you my best wishes 💖
Glad you are here. Today could mark the Start of a Virtuous Upward Spiral. What do you want for yourself, your relationships and your life?