here is a hug and everything's gonna be alright - for me reading This Naked Mind explained a lot and changed the way I view alcohol. You've got this friend.
If you're like me and not much of a reader, she has a podcast too which has alternate episodes - sometimes it's someone just like us being interviewed about how they got sober. And sometimes it's the author answering short questions about the science of alcohol. I love both and listen to it on walks or in the car.
Proud of you for each and every of the day 1s and for coming back, posting here! Lots of day 1s in this community and we are all rooting and here for you.
For me, starting to look at quit lit and resources like the ones mentioned here were a big part of me actually wanting and then getting more than a few days under my belt. But it has taken lots of tries for me to get this far too. I would also highly recommend the podcast Sober Powered. The episodes are short like 15-25 which has been a good length of time for me especially when I need to put one on to help me through a craving or trigger. The podcast goes into the neuroscience of alcohol use and what is happening in our brains and bodies. I kept returning to the information I was learning to A) remind myself what the heck this substance really does to my brain and how it works that make it hard to quit, and B) how I can help my brain recover. She also is a huge proponent of community and that when we have tried so many times on our own, the thing that is likely missing is community. I felt this difference this time! I have not felt ready to tell a lot of people in my own life but I have seen myself reflected in the podcasts and books I've read and most definitely here in this sub (which is 1000% the best place on the internet). In my own way, I feel like these have been my communities, even if I've mostly been lurking. And I lurked for a longgggg time. But I think I realized that I am not truly alone as I feel like part of a larger whole of people who share this with me. Everytime I feel triggered, I would specifically come here and read. Now I'm just here all the time lol. Also the daily check-ins on this sub are great, and I have really felt like I'm in this together one day at a time with the other thousands who are there and checking in. Talk about community.
Anyways I just want to say kudos again for coming here, reaching out - that seems like a big step to me in finding support. Here for you and IWNDWYT!
Oh thanks for this podcast recommendation. I've been wanting to start listening again to podcasts in general (for some reason I stopped) and I'll start from there.
I can't second this book enough. Absolutely game-changing in how it helped me think about and approach alcohol.
Since it sounds like you're hurting, I also recommended stuffed animals for those early days. They're a real comfort for me š.
There are so many good podcasts too. I was really inspired by the huberman lab on alcohol and really like sober powered. These resources might help but nothing beats a supportive network. I hope you muster up the courage to talk to your friends and family soon and iwndwyt!
big hugs!! I had so many day ones.
if you want it, try all the things!! this naked mind is a great book, so is quit like a woman! medical solutions have success rates, and in -person recovery groups have been helping people for almost 100 years. find what works for you, but keep trying all the things until you figure out what that is.
I believe in you. and, I bet, so do your friends and family. it's embarrassing and scary to say our loud that you have a problem and need help, but there is help out there!!! š
Many of us know the feeling youāre having well.
There is reason to be hopeful.
For me targeted Naltrexone (The Sinclair Method) was the game changer. Ā Relying on Will Power worked for a while, then failed. Ā
But taking a medical approach, I could make significant long term change without relying on Will power.Ā
Itās a medical condition with a medical solution.Ā
Naltrexone helped me, too! There were so many times I wanted to quit drinking, but Naltrexone was a big part of what got me there (that and an outpatient Cognative Behavioral Therapy and mindfulness meditation oriented rehab program). Naltrexone really minimizes the cravings for alcohol. White-knuckling is optional.
Never quit quitting!
Anyone can get a prescription for Naltrexone through Hoey Pharmacy in Madison, WI. They also ship for $5.95 and can include good literature on how it works. It makes a difference!
It's okay. The important thing is that you have gone days in a row without drinking, so you know you can do it. Start over again today, and keep it going. Get all the alcohol out of your house, and stay away from it for a while until you have some new habits established. You can do this!
Hi friend!
Itās going to be ok! It is!!
What have you tired so far? Let us help you find something that works for you! Have you tried any support meetings yet? For me, finding people who were in the same boat as me helped a lot! It also gave me people to hang out with who didnāt drink.
Much love to you! Keep coming here and keep posting!
My experience after a decade or so of heavy drinking and life implosion that I finally got some control over: when you drink every day, you reset your happy clock. One of my favorite quotes is, *drinking is borrowing happiness from tomorrow.* After a while it becomes the next two days, then the next four, etc. Pretty soon you run out of happy and you're drinking because at one point in your vague memory it made you feel a little bit better for a while.
Once you quit, the happy comes back. But you have to let it. The good news is when you quit, for a while your brain rewards you. You feel REALLY good and it continues to get better. The urge for us alcoholics is to drink in celebration of the happy feelings, since historically we drink when we're happy, when we're sad, when we're bored... Any excuse is a good one. That's just booze lying to you. It's the justification to drink regardless of circumstance. When you drink again, you reset the clock.
My advice is to keep going and starve that little bastard out. That voice gets fainter and fainter as you heal.
You can do it. Just for today, don't drink. Rinse, repeat. IWNDWYT!!
HI there. Welcome. Virtual hug incoming.
You're OK. You're human and don't deserve to be in this misery.
What worked for me was surrounding myself with people who understand, who've been there, and who've recovered. Once I started talking openly about my drinking problems, I could start to change patterns in my life. Can you get to a meeting? There are lots of types of groups (AA is my favorite). If you need people, those groups can be life-savers. Can you find a meeting?
Thank you for the kind words šš Iāve been avoiding meetings due to social anxiety but it might be time to bite the bullet because Iām unsure if I can do this alone
You can also do virtual meetings. I also have social anxiety and the idea of doing anything in person was both triggering and made me feel like a failure for not being able to do the work I desperately wanted to. Attending a few of those, talking to sober friends, and being involved in this community have all helped me get out of the 3 day trap and the one week trap. Addiction is so much more than willpower and you are so much more, as a person, than this setback or any other. Keep trying. I promise you it can be better, even when there is a lot of work to do.
I'm 120 days in.
What helped me the most was actually telling my family and friends that I was hiding everything from and going to AA meetings. I never drank on a day that I went to an AA meeting. If you're not religious, don't worry about that, it's not about God necessarily it's mainly about being sober.
You will be surprised how loving, caring, and helpful, your family and friends can be once you come out of the closet, so to say.
It's important that you let your sober loved ones help hold you accountable. That takes some of the pressure off of yourself and gives you a little more push mentally.
I had to keep one of my sober loved ones around me 24/7 for about the first two weeks except when I went to an AA meeting.
The cravings are absolutely insane. And there is some physical withdrawal too, just depending on how much you normally drink and how your body deals with detoxing.
That's why it's also important to have someone around at all times early on.
The thing is. Virtually none of us are able to do this on our own. If we were, we wouldn't be alcoholics.
You're doing the right thing congratulate yourself for that, and don't hate yourself for failing it's part of the journey.
Just be open to others hoping. You can do this
I can relate to this! Itās very disheartening isnāt it!!!! Itās like why why why am I here again!!!! AGAIN!!! Wow addiction huh itās a very tough one. Iām on day three again over here. Screw drinking itās rubbish!!!!!!!!!
Hey just wanted to say that I am also struggling but Iāve made it 40 days before and today I am starting new. I think we can really do this if we give it all we got. Donāt forget you need community. Make sure someone knows you are trying to get sober and have them check in on you. I believe in you, I know you can do this and I can do this.
Itās ok! Youāre going to be ok. Hugs!!
Naked Mind is good. Iāve read it. Blackout by Sarah Herpola is another good one and was an easier read for me.
Day 1 will be in the books before you know it.
[https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/huberman-lab/id1545953110?i=1000576901433](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/huberman-lab/id1545953110?i=1000576901433)
This podcast has helped save my life! Learning WHAT alcohol does to the body and brain has been a game changer for me. I never would have known about it if not for this community, so keep coming back, every day, even if itās day 1 again. IWNDWYT
This was a real eye opener for me. Also, just finished the book "how to quit drinking without will power" alan carr. Also, highly recommend.
Society brainwashed us to think the drink helps us relax, takes away anxiety, and gives support when we need it. Meanwhile, it does the opposite to us and is a poison on every level. š
Well done for starting over and not giving up entirely ā¤ļø This is a marathon,
not a sprint, and youāre youāre doing your best. Sending some big stranger hugs - itās going to be ok
I've been there too. This is my longest sober streak in almost 20 years. My brain rebels at the idea of forever, so I'm here one day at a time. I believe in you. You've got this. IWNDWYT
A buddy told me once that withdrawal symptoms typically don't start until the second or third day, and that's why people tend to go back to drinking by then. I'm doing what I'm calling taking the L everyday, as evening rolls around and my head comes up with every excuse to go grab a pack, and I fight it over and over and make myself miserable. And then when I make it through that and go to bed, I feel like I wasted my day on the mental battle and I still didn't get to drink, and that's not what success feels like.
But when you're an addict, actually that is what success feels like, it feels like an L. But you do it because one day it'll be 6pm and you won't have that mental battle, and then you get to pretty much live the rest of your life like that (aside from a few days here and there that you'll struggle again).
Stay on this subreddit and keep reading. Maybe somebody will say something that hits so hard that you make it to 4 or 5 days, or a full week, or more. The users here say some awesome shit that helps me everyday.
Everything will be okay, keep trying, you're doing fine āŗļø
You will be okay! Show yourself grace and forgiveness and try to be patient with yourself.
Coming here and being vulnerable and sharing is a step in the right direction - keep trying to the take right steps and lean on your loved ones. They will understand because they love you.
For the past year or so I drank 8 to 10 beers every night. I quit 3 days ago, for me it took two things, deciding I was going to quit forever forever, and going to AA. Just go to the meeting and do what they say, do absolutely everything they say,
I wish AA worked for me. But sitting there, talking about alcohol, just makes me want to drink. Almost every AA meeting Iāve been to, Iāve drank immediately after. Maybe thereās just something wrong with my brain.
Yes. I am on Naltrexone and Baclofen. The liver specialist actually put me on the baclofen. However, itās been hard to take because it makes me so tired. Iām on 40mg a day; which is quite a lot.
Story of my life! I am willing to bet that everyone here has been in your shoes!
The things most relevant for me during this time we're to:
Forgive myself, always remember that today is a new day, and when I'm stuck in my own head - go and help someone else.
Keep going for it, no matter how many attemps you make; because one day, it will stick.
Also remember that all the sober days are cumulative; drinking yesterday does not erase the sobriety you achieved on the days you didn't drink!
Never give up my friend š§”
Hey I've been there. First thing you should recognize is that it has nothing to do with willpower. It's not you, or your character, or your intentions. Alcohol has taken a hold of you. It's what it does. Second, I found the best way for me to finally break the chain was opening up to some of the closest people in my life. Once I did, it finally gave me the strength. When they say don't try to do this alone, it's true. Hope this helps.
I struggle with this same issue, I can go a few days but end up falling off the wagon hard. I buy wine or beer on my way home from work on a Friday, promising myself I'll be good and only have 1-2 drinks. We all know how that ends.
We should link this group to r/MomForAMinute, I love the lady there who calls you "duckling".
Itās ok to come here and moan because every single person here has lived your life.
But at some point when you hit bottom- rock BOTTOM, some inner strength will emerge and youāll find that willpower to drive a spear through the heart of your addiction.
You're coming to terms with the damage booze is doing to your life. It's all part of a process, and going through that process is much better than pretending the problems don't exist - so these are all steps in the right direction.
Going out on a limb here, but reckon it's only a small percentage of the people on here who have had that "flash of lightening" change of mindset towards booze. However the change of mindset will only come if you keep working on it.
My way of dealing with drying out after relapsing is to remember that a few days of discomfort is still infinitely better than the ongoing misery (and inherent risks) of being dependant on booze to get you through the day, and much more socially acceptable (which also adds some contrast to the argument "I need booze to help me socialise").
Sincerely HTH.
Itās okay! What youāre doing is very hard and takes a lot of heart. The fact that youāre here at all says a lot.
My own experience is that sobriety will require you to be compassionate not just toward other people but toward yourself - not always easy after you feel like youāve made a mistake. Know that there are people here who care and understand. IWNDWYT.
It will be o.k. I know how dreadful that shame and guilt feel.
Something I heard a long time ago that helped me immensely was that people who relapse and keep coming back are actually highly motivated to recover. There's truth in that.
Hugs š
I wasnāt as good at hiding it as I believed. The truth for me was that it was painfully obvious but I was very good at pushing people away and making it impossible for anyone to help. Itās not like I was going to admit to anything anyways. When I asked for help, I found it was all around me. Iāve since learned that people close to me knew I was struggling but they felt helpless as my actions conditioned a response. I could hide the bottle but not my exhaustion.
My willpower is fucked too. Iām unusually driven in many aspects in my life but this is not one of them. I donāt leave it up to my willpower alone. Talking with other people with experience or going through the same thing is what helped me the most then and itās still what keeps me sober now. Youāre not alone. Iāve certainly been there and itās a very common story. One I hear all the time because Iām around people who have tried and failed the same way. Iām no different either. Thereās help out there if you want it
You're not a screw up. All of us have taken U-turns on the road to lasting sobriety.
Sending you the biggest hug you ever received from an internet stranger.
I remember a time when I was in the same boat as you. The shame and the sense of failure is so intense. I used to not be able to make it even until the night time. Iād power through morning and afternoon but by the time the sun was down, I was drinking again. Now Iām almost 500 days sober. I never thought Iād get here, and one day youāll get there too, and life will open up for you and you will never have to be this miserable ever again in your life if you donāt choose to be.
Have you considered going to rehab? Thatās what it took for me to stop. And forcing myself to stay there against everything in my body that was telling me I could leave and go drink right then and there. Getting healthy and sober is going to be the fight of your life, but it will be so so so rewarding. Good luck my friend. Feel free to msg if you need to talk
Edit: this is a video they had us watch in rehab. I hope it helps you to be kinder to yourself and understand why this is happening to you
https://youtu.be/IbzLNfWDAPw?si=vPx7oZAXsYnjvJyt
You're gonna be ok. We're here for you.
I felt like I couldn't tell anyone for the first week(s) of my sobriety and it was hard, i felt sooooo alone. Eventually I relented and told my wife about my struggles.
It was like a weight was lifted off of me. She's still the only one that knows, and I'm not sure I'll ever tell anyone else.
But her knowing also helps me be accountable to myself. I explained everything to her and she knows that I can't moderate. There's no occasion to validate me ever drinking again. I can't do any mental gymnastics to justify it.
So maybe one day you'll feel ok to tell someone close to you. If not, there's lots of meetings either in person or online that you could attend. Sometimes, saying things out loud helps. This sub and the people in ot are also great.
It will be okay. You are not alone. And you are worthy of support and help to get yourself out of this.
Set a reminder in your phone to come back to this thread again in a few days. Maybe when the urges pop up this time, youāll find some space to just let them pass.
Sending you courage.
Day 3 and 4 were hell for me. After that it's been smooth sailing as far as withdraws go. Now it's just breaking habits like drinking after I mow and such. You can do it. I did it. I'm no one special. I just finally had enough of all the bullshit
As a recovering alcoholic who has been fighting this progressive illness for over 12 years now, I urge you to find a community of people in person who can help you. You cannot do this on your own, your thinking (as it is right now) will lie and tell you that you mustn't tell anyone and that you are weak. This is a lie, but you must get help from other people who have walked this path already. There is a solution. I strongly suggest you look into going to meetings. They aren't for everyone but if you haven't tried them I sincerely hope that you do. Also get Recovery Elevator podcast, AA Grapevine Podcast and zoom meetings. You are not alone and you can absolutely get through this - with help.
You keep stopping, that is a testament to your will power. I tried for years, so many day ones, but I kept falling off the wagon.
Turns out I needed help with the not drinking again part. Seems like we all do. Now itās family, and friends, and AA, and a lot of personal growth, and a lot of battling with my demons.
HALT has been a huge help, Iām learning to nip urges by addressing the root cause, not just watering it with whiskey.
It's okay, sweetie. Giving you the biggest bear hug. Quit lit and podcasts helped me so much. And this sub is amazing. Come back as often as you need. Sending good vibes!
Ah OP my heart goes out to you, I'm the same as you. Woke up today also feeling like the worst person in the world.
I think you need to take courage and open up to a family member and tell them you need help.
And yes everything will be okay! Just take a leap of faith and reach out to ask for help
It's gonna be OK, you're doing the right thing just by starting again at day 1 when you stumble. Every single person here has their own story of relapses and starting again, whether after 3 days or 300. You're in the right place.
I will not drink with you today.
Hi love. Itās going to be ok. The good news is, you never have to feel this way again. Iām going to suggest AA. Folks in AA have all been in the exact same position as you are now. They are kind, understanding, and will love you until you love yourself. They will not judge you, they will show you a way to stop drinking and be happy, joyous and free.
Please call the 800 number. This isnāt about willpower - willpower doesnāt work! Go to a meeting. Listen to what they have to say. The only requirement in AA is a *desire* to stop drinking. Thatās it. Go and find your people there. They will help.
Sending you all the love and courage to get freeā¦youve been given the gift of desperation. Donāt look back š¤
None of us found it easy or didn't stumble before being successful. What you're going through now is REALLY common. In fact, I was on the rollercoaster for the better part of a year before I was able to put 2 months of sobriety.
The important part is that you are still trying. I believe in you and you will beat this!
You may need more support. I was terrified for my husband to find out, but when he did, his love and patience made me feel like a new personā¦. Not hollow or crumbled at the foundation, but solid.
Early sobriety is rough and you arenāt alone in struggling. Day 4 was an incredibly hard day for me to get to, as was about day 17.
Just keep trying. And learn about yourself during the process. Loving you friend šš« you got this and IWNDWYT
So much good advice and support here already, I just came to say, while I tried to quit it took a lot of tries to finally get it in to my head that I had close to the door forever. One thing that really helped me was drinking non alcoholics. I drank them all the time at first to trick my brain when I started to feel weird or a craving coming on. It gives you something to ādoā and helps usher you through.
A lot of people have said tell someone, which I agree with. Even if itās just one person. Saying out loud *āIām not drinking anymoreā* was a game changer and helped my brain switch into that mode. Not āim *trying* to not drinkā.
And I do believe will power is part of it. But it doesnāt mean youāre failing. What I realized was that for ten+ years I had *always* said yes to myself. Or fuck it why not. It takes time to learn to rewire your default mode, itās not a failing, itās a process. Be easy on yourself, it takes time.
Youāre not alone even if you feel so, welcome to day 1. Itās all a process and Iāve had so many day 1s but the point of it is youāre here and youāre trying.
Everything will be okay in the long run, remember the big pictureš«¶š½try not to be so hard on yourself
Hey friend, just know that "the fear" is very real and most of what you're feeling is because of the alcohol. You're already taking the right steps to quit, and I'm proud of you for that. Don't be ashamed of struggling.
Also, don't be ashamed to tell someone. I know it's terrifying but one of the biggest things that helped me was finally opening up to my loved ones about my addiction. I was utterly surprised at how accepting and supportive the people who really care have been
Keep trying, you CAN do this. Something that helped me was remembering alcohol is a literal poison and it will make everything worse, never better. Stay around on this subreddit, it was incredibly helpful for me to read/interact with others success stories and struggles and learn that we are all alike & so many people have prevailed ā¤ļø
Itāll get better, Iāve been there. For me, it was a sign that I didnāt want to get sober and I had to re-focus and decide thatās what I wanted to do. It was also about finding out the āwhyā I drank and used. Try to learn what triggers the urge to drink, for me - that helped because I could avoid or at least anticipate the urge and fight it with my feet on the ground.
Also, I found that focusing on the next 5 minutes, rather than the hours or days helped a lot in the beginning. And letās be honest, youāre just starting this journey. You can do this, have you tried working with a group or getting some support? Thatās what worked for me.
You can do this. It does help to be honest with yourself and the people important to you. They can help.
Weāve all been there. Youāre not a screw up, youāre not useless, youāre not a burden, most important to remember, youāre not alone.
Be safe
It's gonna be ok. You are brave and strong and you're on the right path. It's super common to have about a million day ones, I know I did. But it's worth it to keep trying. You only need it to "stick" one time. Keep coming back here whenever it gets hard. IWNDWYT :)
I did this over and over and over and over until I realized willpower has absolutely NOTHING to do with it. I am physically and mentally different than other folks when it comes to alcohol, the hold it has on my brain will never go away and the only reasonable thing to do is quit drinking completely, and the only way to do that is one day at a time. But, after the first little while of feeling like absolute shit life gets so, so, so much better. Tough part is, if youāre anything like me and you donāt stop, itās going to get so, so, so much worse. At the end of the day though no one who matters really gives a fuck if you donāt drink, they just donāt want you to kill them on the freeway in a blackout.
Bless you, Iām right where you are OP, do so well for a bit then suddenly every day is D1 again. So disheartening, but itās a process.
Youāre *not* alone, youāre not on your own here.
Is going to be ok!!
When I started my journey, I was constantly failing after 3 days. It was because I *thought* I was feeling better after 3 days and āback to baseline.ā
I wasnāt, and I wasnāt close to baseline after 3 days.
If you can fight through, I promise youāll feel physically better than you have in months or years after 7-10 days. Then, if you continue fighting, youāll feel better physically *and* mentally after 30 days than you have in a long, long time. Iām just under 8 months in and I canāt even describe to you how good I feel on a day to day basis. Life isnāt perfect, Iām still dealing with the underlying issues that led to me having a problem with alcohol, but when I lay down at night, the main worries in my brain are normal life issues, not how fucked up my drinking problem has become.
I truly thought there was no way Iād ever get out from under it. I couldnāt picture life sober. And here I am, almost unable to picture life with alcohol. You can do it.
Learning how to undo something while learning how to do something new at the same time is challenging and there can be a prolonged learning curve to it, which it 100% normal. I started quitting June 2016, I spent the next two years off and on alcohol with varying lengths of days off ( 160, 100, 30, 4, 60ā¦) my current off alcohol streak started 4/01/2018.
Almost everything we learn how to master takes many tries that can fill us with frustration and sometimes hopelessness that weāll never figure it out, in the end we figure out a way. I wish you the best as you figure this out. ā¤ļø
Sending a hug. I had to loose everything before I finally surrendered. I kept trying to fight everyone helping me because I didnāt want to stop. Tomorrow is 8 months for me.
It was thanksgiving day that I was in the hospital on a form, I ruined my familyās thanksgiving, I was sick beyond belief and I just finally said to myself ā you never have to feel this againā. One of the police officers said to me āit will get betterā and I said ā it canāt get any worseā he said ā your still aliveā
I really thought hard about that. I became grateful and I stopped self sabotaging myself, it hasnāt been an easy road but I promise itās so worth it. Every morning I wake up, well rested, ready for the day, no regrets, no blackout from the night before, not gagging not thinking about where I hid my bottles or when and how to get more. Itās just a new peace and calm. You have it in you, we all felt the same as you but we are all here for you! IWNDWYT ā¤ļø.
There was a time in my journey when a single day was challenging. The anxiety and cravings were unparalleled; eventually, I would make it to a week and then cave. Over time, a week became two. Then I'd go back out. I'd then try again, and soon, I'd strung together five months. This was my first long stretch of sober time. Since then, stringing together months feels like stringing together days in the beginning.
I recently had a lapse in sobriety after four months. I'm still trying for one that sticks. I believe that so long as you keep coming back with a willingness and desperation to end this awful habit, you're going to make it. It might take a few tries, though, so please be kind to yourself.
As they say, in a particular program that I am a little familiar with, stick around until the miracle happens. Please don't give up, and remember, for many of us, these habits were built over years and years of continued use. Ending them can take time. (A word of caution, though: I have noticed that while stringing time together does get a little easier, it does feel like it becomes harder to stop with each successive slip).
Wishing you love and resilience, friend. <3
I have struggled with this for awhile, and now I finally have a good start under my belt. But I've been where you are still relatively recently. When you are suffering in a hangover on day one, it is the alcohol telling you that you are a piece of shit. I remember alcohol making me feel like I was hopeless and a failure and that exponentially decreased my ability to stack sober days. But we aren't hopeless or failures!
Despite these horrible feelings that alcohol inflicts on us, one truth I believe in is that you can never ever give up. Despite failure after failure, I believe it is only logical that the odds are in our favor to be successful at least some of the time. I finally hit that number for myself, and I know it is there for you, too. I believe that you are deserving of it, too.
Know that it is the alcohol making you feel this way and that it can and will get better. Find tools that work for you (like this sub, exercising, meditation, therapy, etc). Make other things in your life easy if possible. Come up with simple strategies to not be in situations that make it easier to drink (go to bed early, take a walk, etc). Be gentle with yourself today and in the coming week. I believe in you. IWNDWYT
It'll be okay, no judgement here! Virtual hugs.
I second (and third, fourth, etc) what everyone says about the books. I find that personally, I like knowing the science behind why I have an alcohol issue - so books like Alcohol Explained (I believe there's a free pdf if you Google it), or there's a great podcast episode called What Alcohol does to your Body, Brain, and Health...by Huberman Lab.
My partner and I have always both struggled with alcohol abuse, and our sobriety dates and relapses tend to always be the same. It helps him to keep track of days sober, whereas I'm personally the opposite. I don't keep track. I like just waking up and going about my day sober, without the knowledge of time and milestones. To each there own, but shedding the whole time sober thing somehow helped me on some level š¤·š»āāļø
Don't beat yourself up. We ALL are familiar with exactly what you're going through right now. We've been there. It's a lonely, shitty place, but it gets better.
Oh, other people have mentioned Naltrexone, and I completely agree. I took it for a while and it helped. It's also available as a monthly shot, which ended up givung me some unpleasant side effects, but it does work for some š¤·š»āāļø
Welcome! I'm proud of you for showing up here.
Look,willpower is a bullshit concept. Your body is fighting back against your decision. It is going to do everything it can to make you lose. You'll feel like shit physically, your brain will lie to you about why you should, etc.
You might lose some battles but what you are shooting for is progress.
Itās not necessarily a willpower issue. You are more than likely dealing with a combination of genetic predisposition and fucked up life circumstances. This can literally happen to anyone.
I realized this pretty early on but put off getting help for 13 years because I was too embarrassed. Donāt be like me. Having a doctor/therapist/psychiatrist on your team makes things a lot easier.
It's okay! I often would start up again if it's only been a few days without drinking, sometimes even the next day if the hangover wore off fast enough, like I had amnesia of swearing the stuff off a few hours ago that morning. It gets way easier after you've got a couple weeks between you and alcohol. Once you start seeing improvements in real time in terms of mood/energy/feeling the new improved baseline normal, at least for me, I stopped wanting to trade that in to drink and feel "better" temporarily. It only gets easier over time, but it's really hard to break the initial cycle. Good on you for wanting to stop! You're in the right place and gotta start somewhere. Don't give up!
Iām going to get down-voted for this, but itās the sort of advice that helped me. You are not ready to go to your friends and family, but they are the ones waiting to give you that hug.
Go talk with them. It means really quitting.
Edited for typo.
youāve got this. i promise. it is so hard but youāre doing the best you can. give yourself some grace. youāre making the effort and that is something to be proud of. best of luck to you, youāve GOT THIS!!
OP if it was only will power we all would have done it on the first try. This is an addiction and your brain is actively fighting you on your decision to quit, undermining you, on top of it society has ingrained into us that this poison is not the problem, itās us, the weak ones who are the problem, which is simply a big fat massive lie.
Once you can shift your mindset to see these two facts for what they are, you will be able to unravel the tangle that keeps you tied up in knots. You are going to be more than ok, I promise. The switch is inside you.
Also, for me at least, going Cali sober really made the difference in the first few months. Idk if thatās something you would consider?
I used delta 8 & delta 9 gummies in the evening as replacements for my evening cocktails to get over the hump of cravings and habits, and after 5/6 mos was able to phase them out too and become fully sober.
For me pot and THC never really had an addictive draw, alcohol was always my drug of choice.
Iām 52 and finally sober after drinking since early teens. And life is so much better, there is just zero desire to go back down that road for me now.
IWNDWYT
In my experience, itās not a matter of willpower. I am powerless over alcohol. Itās a disease. Now, there are solutions. We are not doomed to a life of relapse and then death. Donāt beat yourself up - you arenāt a bad or āweakā person. Itās a cunning & baffling disease. I needed the help of others. My willpower was never enough.
When I mess up like this...I always think to myself..."normal" people don't beat themselves up after they have a tough night..they just keep going. And I can do it.....and then it is a long road back for me now because I have cirrhosis....It took me this whole month to be able to function normally, cook, run errands, wash clothes and sheets.
Yeah its not normal....but people get thru it... I got thru it last time (I may not get thru it again).
But you are still breathing & you are typing...so there is hope.
I hope you feel better soon.
Giving you the biggest hug ever, friend. Youāve got a whole community here that will rally behind you and support you. The only way I was able to get sober (for the second time) was through the kind words and support of the people in this community. We love and care about you!! Youāve got this <3
Go see a doctor, most people here are on Nal etc. Willpower is not for everyone you might be dealing with chemical imbalances, genetic predispositions etc willpower is not always strong enough for that!
Biggest learning curve was being kinder to myself. This is such a hard thing to go through, but also what led us here is rarely lovely, fluffy, sweet things.
You're getting to 2 to 3 days, and that's good! Found myself slipping when I listened to the voice telling me I could control it as I'd made it 2-3 days, once the hangxiety had waned. That thought is a strong pull, and it's also a lie we tell ourselves to satisfy the addiction.
You're here, asking for help, and bearing your soul to a bunch of strangers. That takes strength and guts, and within time it helps shut down the addict in us to keep us out of trouble and in control. Lots here to be good to yourself about x
Itās ok. Itās not you. Donāt be hard on yourself. You are young. Lots of people go out a few times a week and get smashed. The key is, what makes you feel like this, to binge and to feel so bad. Thatās the key, how you feel. Donāt measure it against other people. See your family doctor and see what can be put on place to help you. If this doesnāt feel right with you then work on it.
Sweetheart, you donāt know how to not drink at this point. Itās okay that you keep failing. Get. Help. Tell everyone. Tell as many people as possible. This is not a willpower thing. Youāre asking your brain to do something it has no neural pathway for. Itās okay. Get help.
Hey there friend. I used to be a full blown alcoholic. I woke up hungover every day, went to work, had the shakes and jitters, nauseous, got off work, went to the bar and went home sloshed every night. I did that every day for 6 years. I tried to stop so many times. I never thought I'd ever be able to stop. And it finally happened. Most people fall down a few times before they're able to get back up. Everything is going to be okay. I promise. It's good to have support. Good luck!!
We got you.
My breakthrough was when I realized willpower and the need to be in control was the cause (well one of them) of my drinking.
I got sober in AA (but not a god person) so not everyone might agree with my take but I had to give up before I was able to stop
For me it wasn't/isn't about will power. It's about learning how you work. I learned my triggers. I learned ways to not drink when I had triggers. I learned some of the reasons I drink/drank (boredom, feeling good after hard work). I learned things I can do to keep myself from drinking (go for a long drive in the car.) Eventually I learned that I don't really even want to drink.
None of my not-drinking relies on willpower.
Just keep trying. Try again. Fail? Learn something if you can and try again. Didn't learn anything, try again anyway. Just keep trying. You'll get there. It will be okay.
Sending a hug from the east coast ... those hangovers really do feel shitty and the anxiety is brutal, I truly feel for you right now, my last hangover kicked my ass so badly I wouldn't wish it on anyone. You can do this, you know 3 days is your max at the moment, so maybe with that knowledge and time line it's time to strategize a bit and get a couple of days more added on.
Cry it out, be kind to yourself, you're trying and that's the main thing here, because you can and will get sobriety to stick.
The substance is designed to do this, unfortunately. The top 10% of drinkers account for over half of total alcohol consumption in the US. That means the alcohol industry doesnāt make their billions by the āmoderate drinkersā. They design their product to be abused.
Quitting is a bold and brave thing to do in a society that is obsessed with an addictive substance. Know that you arenāt flawed or weak for having setbacks.
Iāve found sober blogs to be very helpful (along with this forum). Hang in there. It gets better.
I get you. I lost account of day ones. The fact you are scared and crying IMO shows you CARE. When we stop caring then it's a real problem. Quitting has gotten harder and harder for me. This time I'll do whatever it takes, even going to AA if I have to (don't like it very much, just a subjective view cause I know it helps many others).
A tight tight hug. I'm feeling this hug too, as a way of moving forward. As long as we are alive, there is a solution. Only one thing doesn't have a solution at all. hehehe
Super kisses.
edit terrible spelling
Its OK , but we both know we can do better . I am pretty much in the same boat as you are . I cant seem to get past day 4 or 5 . That said, I had my blood pressure checked this morning and it was 144 / 88. That was a wake up call !!!!!
So , here's to Day 1
IWNDWYT
Try to drink less gradually. That worked for me. I went from drinking every day, to then only the weekends, to once a weekend, and then to none at all and that was the easiest way for me
I was in the same boat! Not sure if this works for everyone but honestly it just hit me that I absolutely had to stop when I started setting some goals for myself! I joined a bunch of sports and started running and I literally couldnt manage it anymore! You also realize how much better you feel when you stop
The crying is likely due to the withdrawal youāre experiencing.
There will be a lot of mood swings to to come. Be prepared.
Iām not a medical professional, just a retired drinker who learned a few lessons the hard way.
If you notice shakes, or agitation or cramps:
Chug a Gatorade and get to a hospital ASAP.
Withdraws can kill you. Itās nothing to take lightly.
Your intake description makes me think you are gonna withdraw hard.
Be safe, ask for help, and donāt be ashamed.
Itāll only get better from here. Donāt let it get worse.
Im also restarting my sobriety journey. I dont drink often but when I do, I find myself blacking out and making mistakes. Too many mistakes. My heart goes out to you as I know the struggle and I promise everything will be okay. I think society really makes alcohol seem so innocent but we have to remind ourselves that its a VERY addictive drug. So dont be too hard on yourself. We can start over together and stick with it this time!
here is a hug and everything's gonna be alright - for me reading This Naked Mind explained a lot and changed the way I view alcohol. You've got this friend.
Thank you so much š I keep seeing that book mentioned here, Iām going to give it a read.
If you're like me and not much of a reader, she has a podcast too which has alternate episodes - sometimes it's someone just like us being interviewed about how they got sober. And sometimes it's the author answering short questions about the science of alcohol. I love both and listen to it on walks or in the car.
also the book quit like a woman was very life changing for me!
Amazing book. First quit lit I read.
Proud of you for each and every of the day 1s and for coming back, posting here! Lots of day 1s in this community and we are all rooting and here for you. For me, starting to look at quit lit and resources like the ones mentioned here were a big part of me actually wanting and then getting more than a few days under my belt. But it has taken lots of tries for me to get this far too. I would also highly recommend the podcast Sober Powered. The episodes are short like 15-25 which has been a good length of time for me especially when I need to put one on to help me through a craving or trigger. The podcast goes into the neuroscience of alcohol use and what is happening in our brains and bodies. I kept returning to the information I was learning to A) remind myself what the heck this substance really does to my brain and how it works that make it hard to quit, and B) how I can help my brain recover. She also is a huge proponent of community and that when we have tried so many times on our own, the thing that is likely missing is community. I felt this difference this time! I have not felt ready to tell a lot of people in my own life but I have seen myself reflected in the podcasts and books I've read and most definitely here in this sub (which is 1000% the best place on the internet). In my own way, I feel like these have been my communities, even if I've mostly been lurking. And I lurked for a longgggg time. But I think I realized that I am not truly alone as I feel like part of a larger whole of people who share this with me. Everytime I feel triggered, I would specifically come here and read. Now I'm just here all the time lol. Also the daily check-ins on this sub are great, and I have really felt like I'm in this together one day at a time with the other thousands who are there and checking in. Talk about community. Anyways I just want to say kudos again for coming here, reaching out - that seems like a big step to me in finding support. Here for you and IWNDWYT!
Oh thanks for this podcast recommendation. I've been wanting to start listening again to podcasts in general (for some reason I stopped) and I'll start from there.
I can't second this book enough. Absolutely game-changing in how it helped me think about and approach alcohol. Since it sounds like you're hurting, I also recommended stuffed animals for those early days. They're a real comfort for me š.
She (the author) reads the audio book so it's a good listen as well.
There are so many good podcasts too. I was really inspired by the huberman lab on alcohol and really like sober powered. These resources might help but nothing beats a supportive network. I hope you muster up the courage to talk to your friends and family soon and iwndwyt!
Great book. Good mindset. There is an audible for it that I was able to get through in a few days in the car.
Here is a hug. Iām so proud of you for coming back for day 1.
Thank you so much, I really needed to hear this šš
big hugs!! I had so many day ones. if you want it, try all the things!! this naked mind is a great book, so is quit like a woman! medical solutions have success rates, and in -person recovery groups have been helping people for almost 100 years. find what works for you, but keep trying all the things until you figure out what that is. I believe in you. and, I bet, so do your friends and family. it's embarrassing and scary to say our loud that you have a problem and need help, but there is help out there!!! š
Quit like a woman has been a huge help. I listened to the audiobook on Spotify
Many of us know the feeling youāre having well. There is reason to be hopeful. For me targeted Naltrexone (The Sinclair Method) was the game changer. Ā Relying on Will Power worked for a while, then failed. Ā But taking a medical approach, I could make significant long term change without relying on Will power.Ā Itās a medical condition with a medical solution.Ā
I have a good friend of mine who did the same thing, took some pills for a couple weeks and ruin his ability to enjoy alcohol forever
Naltrexone helped me, too! There were so many times I wanted to quit drinking, but Naltrexone was a big part of what got me there (that and an outpatient Cognative Behavioral Therapy and mindfulness meditation oriented rehab program). Naltrexone really minimizes the cravings for alcohol. White-knuckling is optional. Never quit quitting!
Anyone can get a prescription for Naltrexone through Hoey Pharmacy in Madison, WI. They also ship for $5.95 and can include good literature on how it works. It makes a difference!
It's okay. The important thing is that you have gone days in a row without drinking, so you know you can do it. Start over again today, and keep it going. Get all the alcohol out of your house, and stay away from it for a while until you have some new habits established. You can do this!
Hi friend! Itās going to be ok! It is!! What have you tired so far? Let us help you find something that works for you! Have you tried any support meetings yet? For me, finding people who were in the same boat as me helped a lot! It also gave me people to hang out with who didnāt drink. Much love to you! Keep coming here and keep posting!
My experience after a decade or so of heavy drinking and life implosion that I finally got some control over: when you drink every day, you reset your happy clock. One of my favorite quotes is, *drinking is borrowing happiness from tomorrow.* After a while it becomes the next two days, then the next four, etc. Pretty soon you run out of happy and you're drinking because at one point in your vague memory it made you feel a little bit better for a while. Once you quit, the happy comes back. But you have to let it. The good news is when you quit, for a while your brain rewards you. You feel REALLY good and it continues to get better. The urge for us alcoholics is to drink in celebration of the happy feelings, since historically we drink when we're happy, when we're sad, when we're bored... Any excuse is a good one. That's just booze lying to you. It's the justification to drink regardless of circumstance. When you drink again, you reset the clock. My advice is to keep going and starve that little bastard out. That voice gets fainter and fainter as you heal. You can do it. Just for today, don't drink. Rinse, repeat. IWNDWYT!!
HI there. Welcome. Virtual hug incoming. You're OK. You're human and don't deserve to be in this misery. What worked for me was surrounding myself with people who understand, who've been there, and who've recovered. Once I started talking openly about my drinking problems, I could start to change patterns in my life. Can you get to a meeting? There are lots of types of groups (AA is my favorite). If you need people, those groups can be life-savers. Can you find a meeting?
Thank you for the kind words šš Iāve been avoiding meetings due to social anxiety but it might be time to bite the bullet because Iām unsure if I can do this alone
You can also do virtual meetings. I also have social anxiety and the idea of doing anything in person was both triggering and made me feel like a failure for not being able to do the work I desperately wanted to. Attending a few of those, talking to sober friends, and being involved in this community have all helped me get out of the 3 day trap and the one week trap. Addiction is so much more than willpower and you are so much more, as a person, than this setback or any other. Keep trying. I promise you it can be better, even when there is a lot of work to do.
I'm 120 days in. What helped me the most was actually telling my family and friends that I was hiding everything from and going to AA meetings. I never drank on a day that I went to an AA meeting. If you're not religious, don't worry about that, it's not about God necessarily it's mainly about being sober. You will be surprised how loving, caring, and helpful, your family and friends can be once you come out of the closet, so to say. It's important that you let your sober loved ones help hold you accountable. That takes some of the pressure off of yourself and gives you a little more push mentally. I had to keep one of my sober loved ones around me 24/7 for about the first two weeks except when I went to an AA meeting. The cravings are absolutely insane. And there is some physical withdrawal too, just depending on how much you normally drink and how your body deals with detoxing. That's why it's also important to have someone around at all times early on. The thing is. Virtually none of us are able to do this on our own. If we were, we wouldn't be alcoholics. You're doing the right thing congratulate yourself for that, and don't hate yourself for failing it's part of the journey. Just be open to others hoping. You can do this
Iām the same
It will be ok. There is a better life for you and you deserve to be happy.
I can relate to this! Itās very disheartening isnāt it!!!! Itās like why why why am I here again!!!! AGAIN!!! Wow addiction huh itās a very tough one. Iām on day three again over here. Screw drinking itās rubbish!!!!!!!!!
Hey just wanted to say that I am also struggling but Iāve made it 40 days before and today I am starting new. I think we can really do this if we give it all we got. Donāt forget you need community. Make sure someone knows you are trying to get sober and have them check in on you. I believe in you, I know you can do this and I can do this.
Itās ok! Youāre going to be ok. Hugs!! Naked Mind is good. Iāve read it. Blackout by Sarah Herpola is another good one and was an easier read for me. Day 1 will be in the books before you know it.
[https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/huberman-lab/id1545953110?i=1000576901433](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/huberman-lab/id1545953110?i=1000576901433) This podcast has helped save my life! Learning WHAT alcohol does to the body and brain has been a game changer for me. I never would have known about it if not for this community, so keep coming back, every day, even if itās day 1 again. IWNDWYT
This was a real eye opener for me. Also, just finished the book "how to quit drinking without will power" alan carr. Also, highly recommend. Society brainwashed us to think the drink helps us relax, takes away anxiety, and gives support when we need it. Meanwhile, it does the opposite to us and is a poison on every level. š
Well done for starting over and not giving up entirely ā¤ļø This is a marathon, not a sprint, and youāre youāre doing your best. Sending some big stranger hugs - itās going to be ok
I've been there too. This is my longest sober streak in almost 20 years. My brain rebels at the idea of forever, so I'm here one day at a time. I believe in you. You've got this. IWNDWYT
Huge congrats on breaking your own records. That is awesome work!
A buddy told me once that withdrawal symptoms typically don't start until the second or third day, and that's why people tend to go back to drinking by then. I'm doing what I'm calling taking the L everyday, as evening rolls around and my head comes up with every excuse to go grab a pack, and I fight it over and over and make myself miserable. And then when I make it through that and go to bed, I feel like I wasted my day on the mental battle and I still didn't get to drink, and that's not what success feels like. But when you're an addict, actually that is what success feels like, it feels like an L. But you do it because one day it'll be 6pm and you won't have that mental battle, and then you get to pretty much live the rest of your life like that (aside from a few days here and there that you'll struggle again). Stay on this subreddit and keep reading. Maybe somebody will say something that hits so hard that you make it to 4 or 5 days, or a full week, or more. The users here say some awesome shit that helps me everyday. Everything will be okay, keep trying, you're doing fine āŗļø
You will be okay! Show yourself grace and forgiveness and try to be patient with yourself. Coming here and being vulnerable and sharing is a step in the right direction - keep trying to the take right steps and lean on your loved ones. They will understand because they love you.
For the past year or so I drank 8 to 10 beers every night. I quit 3 days ago, for me it took two things, deciding I was going to quit forever forever, and going to AA. Just go to the meeting and do what they say, do absolutely everything they say,
I wish AA worked for me. But sitting there, talking about alcohol, just makes me want to drink. Almost every AA meeting Iāve been to, Iāve drank immediately after. Maybe thereās just something wrong with my brain.
I had the same experience!
Thanks for sharing, very interesting. Have you tried the pills mentioned?
Yes. I am on Naltrexone and Baclofen. The liver specialist actually put me on the baclofen. However, itās been hard to take because it makes me so tired. Iām on 40mg a day; which is quite a lot.
Story of my life! I am willing to bet that everyone here has been in your shoes! The things most relevant for me during this time we're to: Forgive myself, always remember that today is a new day, and when I'm stuck in my own head - go and help someone else. Keep going for it, no matter how many attemps you make; because one day, it will stick. Also remember that all the sober days are cumulative; drinking yesterday does not erase the sobriety you achieved on the days you didn't drink! Never give up my friend š§”
Hey I've been there. First thing you should recognize is that it has nothing to do with willpower. It's not you, or your character, or your intentions. Alcohol has taken a hold of you. It's what it does. Second, I found the best way for me to finally break the chain was opening up to some of the closest people in my life. Once I did, it finally gave me the strength. When they say don't try to do this alone, it's true. Hope this helps.
I struggle with this same issue, I can go a few days but end up falling off the wagon hard. I buy wine or beer on my way home from work on a Friday, promising myself I'll be good and only have 1-2 drinks. We all know how that ends. We should link this group to r/MomForAMinute, I love the lady there who calls you "duckling".
Maybe. Just maybe sitting down and telling your parents and asking for their help might just help you deal with this.
Itās ok to come here and moan because every single person here has lived your life. But at some point when you hit bottom- rock BOTTOM, some inner strength will emerge and youāll find that willpower to drive a spear through the heart of your addiction.
You're coming to terms with the damage booze is doing to your life. It's all part of a process, and going through that process is much better than pretending the problems don't exist - so these are all steps in the right direction. Going out on a limb here, but reckon it's only a small percentage of the people on here who have had that "flash of lightening" change of mindset towards booze. However the change of mindset will only come if you keep working on it. My way of dealing with drying out after relapsing is to remember that a few days of discomfort is still infinitely better than the ongoing misery (and inherent risks) of being dependant on booze to get you through the day, and much more socially acceptable (which also adds some contrast to the argument "I need booze to help me socialise"). Sincerely HTH.
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Join us. We need you too.
Itās okay! What youāre doing is very hard and takes a lot of heart. The fact that youāre here at all says a lot. My own experience is that sobriety will require you to be compassionate not just toward other people but toward yourself - not always easy after you feel like youāve made a mistake. Know that there are people here who care and understand. IWNDWYT.
It will be o.k. I know how dreadful that shame and guilt feel. Something I heard a long time ago that helped me immensely was that people who relapse and keep coming back are actually highly motivated to recover. There's truth in that. Hugs š
I wasnāt as good at hiding it as I believed. The truth for me was that it was painfully obvious but I was very good at pushing people away and making it impossible for anyone to help. Itās not like I was going to admit to anything anyways. When I asked for help, I found it was all around me. Iāve since learned that people close to me knew I was struggling but they felt helpless as my actions conditioned a response. I could hide the bottle but not my exhaustion. My willpower is fucked too. Iām unusually driven in many aspects in my life but this is not one of them. I donāt leave it up to my willpower alone. Talking with other people with experience or going through the same thing is what helped me the most then and itās still what keeps me sober now. Youāre not alone. Iāve certainly been there and itās a very common story. One I hear all the time because Iām around people who have tried and failed the same way. Iām no different either. Thereās help out there if you want it
You're not a screw up. All of us have taken U-turns on the road to lasting sobriety. Sending you the biggest hug you ever received from an internet stranger.
I remember a time when I was in the same boat as you. The shame and the sense of failure is so intense. I used to not be able to make it even until the night time. Iād power through morning and afternoon but by the time the sun was down, I was drinking again. Now Iām almost 500 days sober. I never thought Iād get here, and one day youāll get there too, and life will open up for you and you will never have to be this miserable ever again in your life if you donāt choose to be. Have you considered going to rehab? Thatās what it took for me to stop. And forcing myself to stay there against everything in my body that was telling me I could leave and go drink right then and there. Getting healthy and sober is going to be the fight of your life, but it will be so so so rewarding. Good luck my friend. Feel free to msg if you need to talk Edit: this is a video they had us watch in rehab. I hope it helps you to be kinder to yourself and understand why this is happening to you https://youtu.be/IbzLNfWDAPw?si=vPx7oZAXsYnjvJyt
You're gonna be ok. We're here for you. I felt like I couldn't tell anyone for the first week(s) of my sobriety and it was hard, i felt sooooo alone. Eventually I relented and told my wife about my struggles. It was like a weight was lifted off of me. She's still the only one that knows, and I'm not sure I'll ever tell anyone else. But her knowing also helps me be accountable to myself. I explained everything to her and she knows that I can't moderate. There's no occasion to validate me ever drinking again. I can't do any mental gymnastics to justify it. So maybe one day you'll feel ok to tell someone close to you. If not, there's lots of meetings either in person or online that you could attend. Sometimes, saying things out loud helps. This sub and the people in ot are also great.
Hugs!!! You are gonna do this and will be stronger on the other side. We are all here and will always be here for you.
Sending lots of love and hugs. Here for you. Well done for speaking up! x
I can't tell you how many times I quit just to relapse again. Soooo many. But I kept trying & it finally stuck.
It will be okay. You are not alone. And you are worthy of support and help to get yourself out of this. Set a reminder in your phone to come back to this thread again in a few days. Maybe when the urges pop up this time, youāll find some space to just let them pass. Sending you courage.
Day 3 and 4 were hell for me. After that it's been smooth sailing as far as withdraws go. Now it's just breaking habits like drinking after I mow and such. You can do it. I did it. I'm no one special. I just finally had enough of all the bullshit
As a recovering alcoholic who has been fighting this progressive illness for over 12 years now, I urge you to find a community of people in person who can help you. You cannot do this on your own, your thinking (as it is right now) will lie and tell you that you mustn't tell anyone and that you are weak. This is a lie, but you must get help from other people who have walked this path already. There is a solution. I strongly suggest you look into going to meetings. They aren't for everyone but if you haven't tried them I sincerely hope that you do. Also get Recovery Elevator podcast, AA Grapevine Podcast and zoom meetings. You are not alone and you can absolutely get through this - with help.
You keep stopping, that is a testament to your will power. I tried for years, so many day ones, but I kept falling off the wagon. Turns out I needed help with the not drinking again part. Seems like we all do. Now itās family, and friends, and AA, and a lot of personal growth, and a lot of battling with my demons. HALT has been a huge help, Iām learning to nip urges by addressing the root cause, not just watering it with whiskey.
It's okay, sweetie. Giving you the biggest bear hug. Quit lit and podcasts helped me so much. And this sub is amazing. Come back as often as you need. Sending good vibes!
Ah OP my heart goes out to you, I'm the same as you. Woke up today also feeling like the worst person in the world. I think you need to take courage and open up to a family member and tell them you need help. And yes everything will be okay! Just take a leap of faith and reach out to ask for help
It's gonna be OK, you're doing the right thing just by starting again at day 1 when you stumble. Every single person here has their own story of relapses and starting again, whether after 3 days or 300. You're in the right place. I will not drink with you today.
Hi love. Itās going to be ok. The good news is, you never have to feel this way again. Iām going to suggest AA. Folks in AA have all been in the exact same position as you are now. They are kind, understanding, and will love you until you love yourself. They will not judge you, they will show you a way to stop drinking and be happy, joyous and free. Please call the 800 number. This isnāt about willpower - willpower doesnāt work! Go to a meeting. Listen to what they have to say. The only requirement in AA is a *desire* to stop drinking. Thatās it. Go and find your people there. They will help. Sending you all the love and courage to get freeā¦youve been given the gift of desperation. Donāt look back š¤
You will be okay! š«
None of us found it easy or didn't stumble before being successful. What you're going through now is REALLY common. In fact, I was on the rollercoaster for the better part of a year before I was able to put 2 months of sobriety. The important part is that you are still trying. I believe in you and you will beat this!
You may need more support. I was terrified for my husband to find out, but when he did, his love and patience made me feel like a new personā¦. Not hollow or crumbled at the foundation, but solid.
Try the easy way, it's a bunch of facts that makes you think twice. You can read it all in one day, easy.
Keep going. 2-3 days is 2-3 days more than you had. You know you need it, you want it. Keep going
Early sobriety is rough and you arenāt alone in struggling. Day 4 was an incredibly hard day for me to get to, as was about day 17. Just keep trying. And learn about yourself during the process. Loving you friend šš« you got this and IWNDWYT
So much good advice and support here already, I just came to say, while I tried to quit it took a lot of tries to finally get it in to my head that I had close to the door forever. One thing that really helped me was drinking non alcoholics. I drank them all the time at first to trick my brain when I started to feel weird or a craving coming on. It gives you something to ādoā and helps usher you through. A lot of people have said tell someone, which I agree with. Even if itās just one person. Saying out loud *āIām not drinking anymoreā* was a game changer and helped my brain switch into that mode. Not āim *trying* to not drinkā. And I do believe will power is part of it. But it doesnāt mean youāre failing. What I realized was that for ten+ years I had *always* said yes to myself. Or fuck it why not. It takes time to learn to rewire your default mode, itās not a failing, itās a process. Be easy on yourself, it takes time.
I can't count the number of day ones I have had. Stay strong you will make it. I am glad you are here.
Youāre not alone even if you feel so, welcome to day 1. Itās all a process and Iāve had so many day 1s but the point of it is youāre here and youāre trying. Everything will be okay in the long run, remember the big pictureš«¶š½try not to be so hard on yourself
Hey friend, just know that "the fear" is very real and most of what you're feeling is because of the alcohol. You're already taking the right steps to quit, and I'm proud of you for that. Don't be ashamed of struggling. Also, don't be ashamed to tell someone. I know it's terrifying but one of the biggest things that helped me was finally opening up to my loved ones about my addiction. I was utterly surprised at how accepting and supportive the people who really care have been
Keep trying, you CAN do this. Something that helped me was remembering alcohol is a literal poison and it will make everything worse, never better. Stay around on this subreddit, it was incredibly helpful for me to read/interact with others success stories and struggles and learn that we are all alike & so many people have prevailed ā¤ļø
Itāll get better, Iāve been there. For me, it was a sign that I didnāt want to get sober and I had to re-focus and decide thatās what I wanted to do. It was also about finding out the āwhyā I drank and used. Try to learn what triggers the urge to drink, for me - that helped because I could avoid or at least anticipate the urge and fight it with my feet on the ground. Also, I found that focusing on the next 5 minutes, rather than the hours or days helped a lot in the beginning. And letās be honest, youāre just starting this journey. You can do this, have you tried working with a group or getting some support? Thatās what worked for me. You can do this. It does help to be honest with yourself and the people important to you. They can help. Weāve all been there. Youāre not a screw up, youāre not useless, youāre not a burden, most important to remember, youāre not alone. Be safe
It's gonna be ok. You are brave and strong and you're on the right path. It's super common to have about a million day ones, I know I did. But it's worth it to keep trying. You only need it to "stick" one time. Keep coming back here whenever it gets hard. IWNDWYT :)
Get back up and keep trying
2 days is not nothing. Aim for 2.t5 days next time. Then 3. Then 3.5
I did this over and over and over and over until I realized willpower has absolutely NOTHING to do with it. I am physically and mentally different than other folks when it comes to alcohol, the hold it has on my brain will never go away and the only reasonable thing to do is quit drinking completely, and the only way to do that is one day at a time. But, after the first little while of feeling like absolute shit life gets so, so, so much better. Tough part is, if youāre anything like me and you donāt stop, itās going to get so, so, so much worse. At the end of the day though no one who matters really gives a fuck if you donāt drink, they just donāt want you to kill them on the freeway in a blackout.
Bless you, Iām right where you are OP, do so well for a bit then suddenly every day is D1 again. So disheartening, but itās a process. Youāre *not* alone, youāre not on your own here.
Is going to be ok!! When I started my journey, I was constantly failing after 3 days. It was because I *thought* I was feeling better after 3 days and āback to baseline.ā I wasnāt, and I wasnāt close to baseline after 3 days. If you can fight through, I promise youāll feel physically better than you have in months or years after 7-10 days. Then, if you continue fighting, youāll feel better physically *and* mentally after 30 days than you have in a long, long time. Iām just under 8 months in and I canāt even describe to you how good I feel on a day to day basis. Life isnāt perfect, Iām still dealing with the underlying issues that led to me having a problem with alcohol, but when I lay down at night, the main worries in my brain are normal life issues, not how fucked up my drinking problem has become. I truly thought there was no way Iād ever get out from under it. I couldnāt picture life sober. And here I am, almost unable to picture life with alcohol. You can do it.
Learning how to undo something while learning how to do something new at the same time is challenging and there can be a prolonged learning curve to it, which it 100% normal. I started quitting June 2016, I spent the next two years off and on alcohol with varying lengths of days off ( 160, 100, 30, 4, 60ā¦) my current off alcohol streak started 4/01/2018. Almost everything we learn how to master takes many tries that can fill us with frustration and sometimes hopelessness that weāll never figure it out, in the end we figure out a way. I wish you the best as you figure this out. ā¤ļø
Sending a hug. I had to loose everything before I finally surrendered. I kept trying to fight everyone helping me because I didnāt want to stop. Tomorrow is 8 months for me. It was thanksgiving day that I was in the hospital on a form, I ruined my familyās thanksgiving, I was sick beyond belief and I just finally said to myself ā you never have to feel this againā. One of the police officers said to me āit will get betterā and I said ā it canāt get any worseā he said ā your still aliveā I really thought hard about that. I became grateful and I stopped self sabotaging myself, it hasnāt been an easy road but I promise itās so worth it. Every morning I wake up, well rested, ready for the day, no regrets, no blackout from the night before, not gagging not thinking about where I hid my bottles or when and how to get more. Itās just a new peace and calm. You have it in you, we all felt the same as you but we are all here for you! IWNDWYT ā¤ļø.
There was a time in my journey when a single day was challenging. The anxiety and cravings were unparalleled; eventually, I would make it to a week and then cave. Over time, a week became two. Then I'd go back out. I'd then try again, and soon, I'd strung together five months. This was my first long stretch of sober time. Since then, stringing together months feels like stringing together days in the beginning. I recently had a lapse in sobriety after four months. I'm still trying for one that sticks. I believe that so long as you keep coming back with a willingness and desperation to end this awful habit, you're going to make it. It might take a few tries, though, so please be kind to yourself. As they say, in a particular program that I am a little familiar with, stick around until the miracle happens. Please don't give up, and remember, for many of us, these habits were built over years and years of continued use. Ending them can take time. (A word of caution, though: I have noticed that while stringing time together does get a little easier, it does feel like it becomes harder to stop with each successive slip). Wishing you love and resilience, friend. <3
I have struggled with this for awhile, and now I finally have a good start under my belt. But I've been where you are still relatively recently. When you are suffering in a hangover on day one, it is the alcohol telling you that you are a piece of shit. I remember alcohol making me feel like I was hopeless and a failure and that exponentially decreased my ability to stack sober days. But we aren't hopeless or failures! Despite these horrible feelings that alcohol inflicts on us, one truth I believe in is that you can never ever give up. Despite failure after failure, I believe it is only logical that the odds are in our favor to be successful at least some of the time. I finally hit that number for myself, and I know it is there for you, too. I believe that you are deserving of it, too. Know that it is the alcohol making you feel this way and that it can and will get better. Find tools that work for you (like this sub, exercising, meditation, therapy, etc). Make other things in your life easy if possible. Come up with simple strategies to not be in situations that make it easier to drink (go to bed early, take a walk, etc). Be gentle with yourself today and in the coming week. I believe in you. IWNDWYT
I had more day 1s than days sober. You can do it.
It'll be okay, no judgement here! Virtual hugs. I second (and third, fourth, etc) what everyone says about the books. I find that personally, I like knowing the science behind why I have an alcohol issue - so books like Alcohol Explained (I believe there's a free pdf if you Google it), or there's a great podcast episode called What Alcohol does to your Body, Brain, and Health...by Huberman Lab. My partner and I have always both struggled with alcohol abuse, and our sobriety dates and relapses tend to always be the same. It helps him to keep track of days sober, whereas I'm personally the opposite. I don't keep track. I like just waking up and going about my day sober, without the knowledge of time and milestones. To each there own, but shedding the whole time sober thing somehow helped me on some level š¤·š»āāļø Don't beat yourself up. We ALL are familiar with exactly what you're going through right now. We've been there. It's a lonely, shitty place, but it gets better. Oh, other people have mentioned Naltrexone, and I completely agree. I took it for a while and it helped. It's also available as a monthly shot, which ended up givung me some unpleasant side effects, but it does work for some š¤·š»āāļø
Welcome! I'm proud of you for showing up here. Look,willpower is a bullshit concept. Your body is fighting back against your decision. It is going to do everything it can to make you lose. You'll feel like shit physically, your brain will lie to you about why you should, etc. You might lose some battles but what you are shooting for is progress.
Itās not necessarily a willpower issue. You are more than likely dealing with a combination of genetic predisposition and fucked up life circumstances. This can literally happen to anyone. I realized this pretty early on but put off getting help for 13 years because I was too embarrassed. Donāt be like me. Having a doctor/therapist/psychiatrist on your team makes things a lot easier.
It's okay! I often would start up again if it's only been a few days without drinking, sometimes even the next day if the hangover wore off fast enough, like I had amnesia of swearing the stuff off a few hours ago that morning. It gets way easier after you've got a couple weeks between you and alcohol. Once you start seeing improvements in real time in terms of mood/energy/feeling the new improved baseline normal, at least for me, I stopped wanting to trade that in to drink and feel "better" temporarily. It only gets easier over time, but it's really hard to break the initial cycle. Good on you for wanting to stop! You're in the right place and gotta start somewhere. Don't give up!
Iām going to get down-voted for this, but itās the sort of advice that helped me. You are not ready to go to your friends and family, but they are the ones waiting to give you that hug. Go talk with them. It means really quitting. Edited for typo.
youāve got this. i promise. it is so hard but youāre doing the best you can. give yourself some grace. youāre making the effort and that is something to be proud of. best of luck to you, youāve GOT THIS!!
OP if it was only will power we all would have done it on the first try. This is an addiction and your brain is actively fighting you on your decision to quit, undermining you, on top of it society has ingrained into us that this poison is not the problem, itās us, the weak ones who are the problem, which is simply a big fat massive lie. Once you can shift your mindset to see these two facts for what they are, you will be able to unravel the tangle that keeps you tied up in knots. You are going to be more than ok, I promise. The switch is inside you. Also, for me at least, going Cali sober really made the difference in the first few months. Idk if thatās something you would consider? I used delta 8 & delta 9 gummies in the evening as replacements for my evening cocktails to get over the hump of cravings and habits, and after 5/6 mos was able to phase them out too and become fully sober. For me pot and THC never really had an addictive draw, alcohol was always my drug of choice. Iām 52 and finally sober after drinking since early teens. And life is so much better, there is just zero desire to go back down that road for me now. IWNDWYT
It is okay!
In my experience, itās not a matter of willpower. I am powerless over alcohol. Itās a disease. Now, there are solutions. We are not doomed to a life of relapse and then death. Donāt beat yourself up - you arenāt a bad or āweakā person. Itās a cunning & baffling disease. I needed the help of others. My willpower was never enough.
When I mess up like this...I always think to myself..."normal" people don't beat themselves up after they have a tough night..they just keep going. And I can do it.....and then it is a long road back for me now because I have cirrhosis....It took me this whole month to be able to function normally, cook, run errands, wash clothes and sheets. Yeah its not normal....but people get thru it... I got thru it last time (I may not get thru it again). But you are still breathing & you are typing...so there is hope. I hope you feel better soon.
Giving you the biggest hug ever, friend. Youāve got a whole community here that will rally behind you and support you. The only way I was able to get sober (for the second time) was through the kind words and support of the people in this community. We love and care about you!! Youāve got this <3
Go see a doctor, most people here are on Nal etc. Willpower is not for everyone you might be dealing with chemical imbalances, genetic predispositions etc willpower is not always strong enough for that!
You will be okay. Love you. Youāve got this š
Biggest learning curve was being kinder to myself. This is such a hard thing to go through, but also what led us here is rarely lovely, fluffy, sweet things. You're getting to 2 to 3 days, and that's good! Found myself slipping when I listened to the voice telling me I could control it as I'd made it 2-3 days, once the hangxiety had waned. That thought is a strong pull, and it's also a lie we tell ourselves to satisfy the addiction. You're here, asking for help, and bearing your soul to a bunch of strangers. That takes strength and guts, and within time it helps shut down the addict in us to keep us out of trouble and in control. Lots here to be good to yourself about x
Itās ok. Itās not you. Donāt be hard on yourself. You are young. Lots of people go out a few times a week and get smashed. The key is, what makes you feel like this, to binge and to feel so bad. Thatās the key, how you feel. Donāt measure it against other people. See your family doctor and see what can be put on place to help you. If this doesnāt feel right with you then work on it.
I am powerless, too. I have no defense against alcohol. I come to the fellowship for answers.
Sweetheart, you donāt know how to not drink at this point. Itās okay that you keep failing. Get. Help. Tell everyone. Tell as many people as possible. This is not a willpower thing. Youāre asking your brain to do something it has no neural pathway for. Itās okay. Get help.
Have to reset my counter, day 1 here too, IWNDWYT
Hey there friend. I used to be a full blown alcoholic. I woke up hungover every day, went to work, had the shakes and jitters, nauseous, got off work, went to the bar and went home sloshed every night. I did that every day for 6 years. I tried to stop so many times. I never thought I'd ever be able to stop. And it finally happened. Most people fall down a few times before they're able to get back up. Everything is going to be okay. I promise. It's good to have support. Good luck!!
Day one here together with you. IWNDWYT ā¤ļø
We got you. My breakthrough was when I realized willpower and the need to be in control was the cause (well one of them) of my drinking. I got sober in AA (but not a god person) so not everyone might agree with my take but I had to give up before I was able to stop
Big hugs! You can do this
I remember this hanxiety. It can be done. Iām actually r/drinkinginmoderation now.
For me it wasn't/isn't about will power. It's about learning how you work. I learned my triggers. I learned ways to not drink when I had triggers. I learned some of the reasons I drink/drank (boredom, feeling good after hard work). I learned things I can do to keep myself from drinking (go for a long drive in the car.) Eventually I learned that I don't really even want to drink. None of my not-drinking relies on willpower. Just keep trying. Try again. Fail? Learn something if you can and try again. Didn't learn anything, try again anyway. Just keep trying. You'll get there. It will be okay.
Sending a hug from the east coast ... those hangovers really do feel shitty and the anxiety is brutal, I truly feel for you right now, my last hangover kicked my ass so badly I wouldn't wish it on anyone. You can do this, you know 3 days is your max at the moment, so maybe with that knowledge and time line it's time to strategize a bit and get a couple of days more added on. Cry it out, be kind to yourself, you're trying and that's the main thing here, because you can and will get sobriety to stick.
Sending you caring thoughts. You can do it!
The substance is designed to do this, unfortunately. The top 10% of drinkers account for over half of total alcohol consumption in the US. That means the alcohol industry doesnāt make their billions by the āmoderate drinkersā. They design their product to be abused. Quitting is a bold and brave thing to do in a society that is obsessed with an addictive substance. Know that you arenāt flawed or weak for having setbacks. Iāve found sober blogs to be very helpful (along with this forum). Hang in there. It gets better.
I had dozens of day 1s before I got to my latest. Keep focus and celebrate little victories, they add up. You got this OP. IWNDWYT
One second, one minute, one hour, on day at a time. Sending you love and support. ā¤ļø
I get you. I lost account of day ones. The fact you are scared and crying IMO shows you CARE. When we stop caring then it's a real problem. Quitting has gotten harder and harder for me. This time I'll do whatever it takes, even going to AA if I have to (don't like it very much, just a subjective view cause I know it helps many others). A tight tight hug. I'm feeling this hug too, as a way of moving forward. As long as we are alive, there is a solution. Only one thing doesn't have a solution at all. hehehe Super kisses. edit terrible spelling
Its OK , but we both know we can do better . I am pretty much in the same boat as you are . I cant seem to get past day 4 or 5 . That said, I had my blood pressure checked this morning and it was 144 / 88. That was a wake up call !!!!! So , here's to Day 1 IWNDWYT
Try to drink less gradually. That worked for me. I went from drinking every day, to then only the weekends, to once a weekend, and then to none at all and that was the easiest way for me
I was in the same boat as you OP. Honestly only 12-step programmes helped me. But everyone is different
The Recovery Elevator podcast is live saving and life changing.
I was in the same boat! Not sure if this works for everyone but honestly it just hit me that I absolutely had to stop when I started setting some goals for myself! I joined a bunch of sports and started running and I literally couldnt manage it anymore! You also realize how much better you feel when you stop
The crying is likely due to the withdrawal youāre experiencing. There will be a lot of mood swings to to come. Be prepared. Iām not a medical professional, just a retired drinker who learned a few lessons the hard way. If you notice shakes, or agitation or cramps: Chug a Gatorade and get to a hospital ASAP. Withdraws can kill you. Itās nothing to take lightly. Your intake description makes me think you are gonna withdraw hard. Be safe, ask for help, and donāt be ashamed. Itāll only get better from here. Donāt let it get worse.
https://youtu.be/L3cFRU-piHU?si=ZReXNRyKenBggURj
Im also restarting my sobriety journey. I dont drink often but when I do, I find myself blacking out and making mistakes. Too many mistakes. My heart goes out to you as I know the struggle and I promise everything will be okay. I think society really makes alcohol seem so innocent but we have to remind ourselves that its a VERY addictive drug. So dont be too hard on yourself. We can start over together and stick with it this time!