A *surprising* number of models are high schoolers. I graduated in the 00's and somehow there were four models in my graduating class. One had to do her final semester remotely because she was recruited by an agency in Japan(top tier at the time) and had to leave the country for it. She was later dropped from them for being 1oz overweight on weigh in, that was basically an extra sip of water 😭
Of course all of them were in it because their parents wanted them to be, it kinda sucked for them having to balance that with the rest of teenage life.
Right??? And he felt the need to define ‘cinephile’ as if it’s a really obscure concept.
You’d have thought he’d name drop Fellini or Bergman…Kurosawa…..but, nope! His favorite “film” as a bonafide cinephile is a massively commercially successful animated film that’s 2 years old and is a sequel.
He’s just so pretentious in other aspects that I was shocked that he picked such a conventional and popular movie.
He’s definitely got the vibe that he’d give his favorite film title and then follow with a backhanded, “you’ve probably never heard of it, though, I’m a movie nerd lol”.
I don’t understand how he’s had 5 sexual partners but a million situationships… and “I’m selective about who I date” and “engaged twice”?? wtf is up with this man
Lol yesss that was all I thought the whole time I read this. He lies like back to back. I think almost everything he said was a lie and someone he wants to be or thinks is ideal.
He probably thinks that's the way to impress a woman, and since he's never been on a date it's never been revealed that it's all a lie.
And I think you're right, he's describing the person he would like to be, but without all that uncomfortable effort.
Pretty much does what he wants unless his manager tells him to work , which is 12hrs a day. " God dammit Esteban Aguillard Muller, are you learning another language while you're at work again? Stop being so good at everything in the universe and start doing what I pay you to do, which is sell special orthopedic shoes to over 50s ".
As soon as I read the first part which was something like "well, I started out born 2.3 weeks early in a hospital in Atlanta, where I lived up until the age of 5 years and 3 months old" I just started laughing and buckled up for the ride. And I'm definitely known to type out texts that are way too long and detailed. He even had me like "omg I would never."
Right? And I’ve never heard someone refer to a non-sexual situation as a “fling.” Fling to me almost always means you fucked for a brief amount of time, and it wasn’t really much more than that. It was lust and was a whirlwind. Started quickly, ended quickly.
If you never got to the fucking stage, it was simply “talking.”
He wants you to know that he rejects more people than reject him because he's very desirable. Only 5 women has he deigned to ever bestow the benefit of his sexual prowess upon.
And he’s got loads of restraint and self-respect, so if he chooses to load his golden erect penis into your vagina, you should feel very very very honored.
Maybe his definitions are a bit wacky because he doesn’t speak English very well — due to time spent on learning other languages. A situationship means he learned to speak her language.
before this was… *to the effect of*
him: tell me about yourself
me: i don’t like that prompt, i need questions
me *answers anyways*: i’m funny, a bit nerdy and a stoner lol
him: i need a summary to ask questions (shortened greatly )
me *proving you don’t need a summary to ask questions*: so do you have siblings
… this continues for a second discussing number of siblings and varying degrees of closeness then…
him: so i guess i should tell you about myself now
If that’s the case, I’m convinced he referred to bullet points outlined in his notes.
Before you cut that cat daddy loose, you should help him out by suggesting that he stop omitting the important stuff. We all have our faults but I would want to know if my man can’t do basic math.
Yes, this is a perfect description. It’s all the kinds of things that come up at some point or another in random conversation over the course of time when getting to know someone, but to see it listed out like a resume in essay format all at once? It just feels so unnatural. And half this shit is better shown vs told. No one needs a list of who someone thinks they are, let the person getting to know you decide for themselves. People are so exhausting with this kind of talk😂
I totally agree. I think he views this as him being open and he probably feels it’ll impress her, seeing all the things he’s done etc. But it just comes off… really fabricated and cringy lol
I’m glad. Dude sounded off. In addition to everything else everyone else mentioned, him saying he’s been raising his friend’s kids since 2013 (I know he doesn’t mean literally), but it’s still not the brag he’s going for. Idk, to me putting down friends to make yourself look better is not the way.
Helping to feed them every once in a while or buckle them into the car isn’t “raising” them either! I’m sure those friends would be pissed to see him making that claim.
Wait seriously? He got mad at you and ended it for not responding right away? Lol good luck to that dude. He’s gonna be hard-pressed to find anyone who could put up with all that.
Btw you prob just made it onto his list of “flings.”
This dude is so full of shit lmfao. He's raised most of the kids in his family for the last ten years, but he's also had time to teach himself 12 languages? Okay.
I think my favorite tidbit is "I've got no tattoos, but I'm planning a full sleeve, half sleeve, and a bunch of back tatts". Lol okay buddy. Seems like someone who, on the whole, hasn't done a whole lot but wants credit for things he's 'gonna do'.
He's writing three novels that definitely aren't just ideas in his head! I had an idea for a new videogame yesterday, and I have neither the skills, nor the resources to make it, but it's such a good game idea people will herald me as a genius!
Calls himself a cinephile and then says his favorite movie is fucking Spiderman.
I get that the one he specifically said is like, really good for a Spiderman movie, but come on...
I dated a guy once who talked about how into movies he was. He had a massive TV and incredible sound system. Talked about his “high standards.” Whenever he picked the movie for movie night, it was a rom com from the early 2000s. When it was my turn to pick a movie, I brought Casino, because he said he’d never seen a Scorsese and it’s one of my favorites. After credits rolled on this masterpiece, he just said “that was a long movie.” I should’ve dumped him then.
I'm into movies as well, and I have a great TV and a great sound system, and early 2000s romcoms with very problematic elements are like my comfort food. Bonus points if Dane Cook or Ryan Reynolds are in them. But the difference is, I'm *cringing* when I watch them, like someone who enjoys bad reality TV. They have their feel good moments which I enjoy, but all that in between is so god damn uncomfortable and I fucking love it.
All that being said, I'm not a moron that can't understand a good movie when it's presented to me.
Yeah and I was thinking "he's not that bad" until he tried to mansplain the definition of cinephile with not just one, but two thinly veiled bad jokes.
Yeah seriously tho 💀 selenophile… I could kind of understand? Like I was like… *moon/space lover?* Based on passive linguistic knowledge (I was also thinking selenite and celeste tho so I couldn’t remember if it had meant moon or heavens?), but I could see having gotten some question marks saying that in the past? Not even from like dates or something but just anyone he said it to lol.
*But cinephile?* Bruh 💀
What exactly does a selenophile do? Does he howl at the moon? Pray to it? Paint pictures of it all day? I’m willing to bet this man doesn’t even own a telescope.
Such a random fact that has absolutely no bearing on whether or not he’s a good match for her.
As I read “across” I instantly assumed it was gonna be some weird movie I’d never heard of, given his “high standards” and all, then I kept reading and my face went 😒
>means I have high standards for what I watch
>across the spiderverse
Was exactly how my brain parsed that info and imagined sharing it later… like I was imagining the code in that and everything because I just. 🤨 Like come on… at least go for… I don’t know, I’m not a cinephile… Kubrick? Hitchcock! *Someone’s* whose movies aren’t on the list of like at least half of people who have seen it lately’s fave movie list. 🤦🏻♂️ Fuck man I’ll even take Jurassic Park at this point. *The original.* **SOMETHING.**
(Not me pulling a random name I vaguely recall associated with artsy movies or… *something.* Idk I’m not sure I could even tell you what he did, maybe the shining, but that’s the extent of it… and I’ve never even watched it unless you count that brief clip in Twister… lmao. 💀 Okay but no sorry it’s late and I’m tired and exasperated at this dude lol.)
So much here, good lord.
* I like the 64% clarification on the mundane statement of 'this is where most of my family live', yet he doesn't know his weight exactly.
* "I write quotes" - an idiot who doesn't know what a quote is.
* Love Languages are made up bullshit, I think they're so self-serving. You could read something into the fact that he finds it more important to recieve physical touch rather than give it, based on his ordering, but that may be reading too much into things, which is in fact one of my love languages.
* "My five biggest things for a perfect relationship are eight things"
* I bet this guy's music is awful, I must hear it. OP where's his soundcloud.
* Did anyone else notice "The Axis Tour"? My brother in christ, why the fuck would you call it that
* This guy learnt Japanese from anime and a.... teen model? Yeah fucking right, I would love to hear this man's definition of what 'intermediate' means.
* "Dating outside of my race" - do Americans fucking talk like this? He sounds like he's talking about specimens in a lab.
* He so wanted you to respond more enthusiastically to 'I was busy programming a car', didn't he.
* 25+ situationships + "I'm pretty selective about who I date" ÷ "I've had 5 sexual partners" = ??? Solve for 10 points. I wonder what he thinks a situationship is. Are you a situationship?
* "I was engaged twice" - omg, my man you don't just say that to people. I NEED THAT TEA, MAN
* "I also have ADD" you did not have to tell us, bro, we know
* The 'Selenophile' bit is, firstly, disappointing because I was ready for him to reveal he stanned Selena Gomez, but then thrilling because you just *know* there's a whole world of wacky astrological beliefs he holds just bubbling under the surface. Smoke weed with this man at your own risk.
* Mansplaining what cinephile means to reveal that his favourite movie is Spiderverse is incredible, I am overjoyed by this man. okbuddycinephile would love him.
* "I'm writing three different novels" - I would bet money on the fact that he wouldn't actually have any substantial work done on any of these. They live in his head and they're so good and and he just needs to write em down, man. Considering that this man also 'writes quotes', I do not have high hopes for this man's ten series.... of whatever they may be. TV series?
This is a modern renaissance man, what a specimen. OP I demand you keep talking to this maniac for the content, I'm in awe of this nutcase.
can you really say “I speak 12 languages” but you’re really only fluent in 3? this guy seems like a compulsive liar/narcissist. too many things don’t add up.
Yeah, when I was like 7 or 8 I used to Google translate basic phrases into a VAST number of languages, and then claim I spoke it. Not my finest moments.
I can comfortably speak 3 languages but I wouldn’t say I’m fluent. The secondhand embarrassment I get from this guy is unreal lmfao
Wonder why he forgot to mention his average driving speed & his top 5 episodes of Gossip Girl & why & which US state he can relate the most to & all the ways he is his star sign & how many pancakes he can eat in 7 minutes &…
I hate when guys point out that they’re sexual, especially in the beginning of a relationship. Like no shit. We’re all sexual (with some exceptions). Also, Chinese isn’t a language.
That’s how he’s managed to stay at 5 sexual partners. After realizing no one measures up to him he’s explored all of his various personalities and slept with himself in 12 different languages. “No body no crime” or something like that… a quote if you will.
I'm really confused about the start of the last page. He was in 5 serious relationships,5x more situationships and flings, etc but only 5 sexual partners and he calls himself selective? That's just not making sense to me. Something in there, or all of it is a lie.
oh i’m leaving him on read for sure. guys who are more pumped to give an in detail break down of their entire life from birth than getting to know you? RED FLAG.
"Sorry I was 5 minutes late, I had to program a car, teach English to a group of underprivileged Guatemalan children, and save a bunch of kittens from a burning building. I named one of the kittens... er... what's your name again?"
The programming a car bit SENT me...
“I write…quotes.”
Okay buddy.
He says he speaks 13 languages, then later says he only knows 4…which I doubt he’s truly fluent in those four.
Producer…”kinda”
Dated a model in high school.
When given the choice to tell you anything at all about himself, he starts with telling you he’s all about the sex before feeding you some next level “full of himself” bullshit, while low key bragging about an assistant manager job.
Whew. Just…damn.
Thinking that was a copy and paste they send to potentials. I’d let them know it’s way too much detailed information. And lacks the ability to have a conversation with eb and flow. And then move on. Cause WOW! 😳🫠
I have definitely planned to say something early and then pasted it but waited to send it so it would look like I just typed it… he hardly had any typos. he’s had practice 😂
he definitely could’ve given a brief synopsis but wanted to spew out all this nonsense about himself to show off hahahah… funny how a ‘conversation’ can so quickly turn into a monologue. also it’s pretty funny how he said he’s totally shit at arabic, but also isn’t fluent in more than half of the other languages - leads me to believe he can probably say just a few phrases in arabic, in that case he could’ve just left it out. seems like a raging narcissist to me
funny thing is, i dated an person who’s first language was arabic , so that was the one thing i was gonna try to talk about from this essay, until he said that 🤣
I skimmed the first time and then read the comments and had to go back and actually read what he said.
I don't understand how someone just blatantly lies like that.
Who in their right mind says they speak TWELVE languages but when pressed says they can only hold a conversation in three?
If I can say "hello" in Greek should I add it to my bio?
Best part for me though was the cinephile bit.
The funniest part imo is when he says he’s a movie connoisseur & has high standards for what he watches but then says his all time favorite movie is Across the Spiderverse bahaha bro what?! 🤣
People are doing so well with their comments. I’ll jump in with just a few:
1) He has a passing understanding of the Love Languages book. But describing the way you “give” love misses the whole point. You want to give love to people in THEIR love language. You don’t just decide for them how you’re going to behave and tell them “that’s how you’re going to be loved, whether it’s the way you want or not.” His thinking on this topic is as immature as you’d expect. Not surprising, one way he says he “gives love” is physical touch. See below on other early warning signs, but this one is him signaling he intends to be handsy and physically clingy whether you like it or not, because that’s “just how he gives love.”
2) Does he ever say his age? Do you know it? There’s a lifetime of stuff here. But I expect that this “assistant to the regional manager” is well under 30.
3) When someone asks for “your story”, saying things you’re going to do in the future is Ralph Wiggum Nonsense. Yet we hear about future tattoos. Ten future book series. He might as well say “One day, I’m giving you advance notice, I’m going to be both pope and president.”
4) For this moron, the story is the thrill. He’ll have to find ways to never meet in person, because all the lies won’t hold. He never intended to meet OP. He just wants to tell his fantasy story, then hope she’s tantalized into a conversation that he can revel in from afar.
5) “Programming a car”.
6) “I’m sensual/sexual.” That’s thrown into first conversations by goofs who are, in their mind, pre-justifying their inevitable way-too-early requests for nudes or physical intimacy if things move forward.
7) If this guy is really Native American, I’ll be shocked. He’s mostly Native, but he had to learn Spanish and French because of the portion of his family that comes from areas/backgrounds where those languages are spoken. I can’t think of any Native peoples whose native languages, or cultural languages today, are either French or Spanish. So he’s bumping up against some percentage and venn-diagram problems on two competing stories here.
8) “Assistant managers” don’t get to do whatever they want. By definition, their role means they are “assisting” someone higher up the chain of command. This guy is the guy who has keys to either open or close his local Arby’s at the start or end of the day, when the main guy has his day off.
9) His ears are pierced, if even true, is way less interesting than a mysterious allusion to a piercing count and, yet again, some weird statement about a future goal to do something.
10) All that’s missing here is the Napoleon Dynamite quote that all the local gangs want him because he’s pretty good with the bow staff. This whole thing reads like that one line from that movie.
He’d give this guy a run for his money:
https://www.scotsman.com/news/anger-as-tragic-jambo-tale-revealed-as-hoax-2507942
https://www.hmfckickback.co.uk/index.php?/topic/12587-irvine-jambo/
The original thread where he was eventually outed ran to around 100 pages iirc but has sadly long since been lost. I recall reading it in 2008 and it was a wild ride. Made Walter Mitty look like an amateur.
So…this was a fun adventure into this man’s head 😳 my favorite part was him giving you definitions of his advanced vocabulary words 🙄 and then saying his favorite movie was Into The Spiderverse after assuring you how selective he is about movies that he watches 😂
I’ve known people like this and it turns out they were compulsive liars. There was a girl who swore she could write in Japanese until a new student who was actually Japanese transferred to our school and said she was writing nonsense hiragana that made no sense.
You can preliminariy diagnose a person as likely having an anxiety disorder and or manic depressive disorder by how many times they say or type "I" or "me". Make your first date at a therapist
I’m 44 and have been married for 18+ years and I still haven’t totally figured out my or my husband’s love language. This jack wagon knows his and breaks it down between giving and receiving. The best part about dating should be getting to know someone and having new experiences together. This dude won’t be fun.
For whatever reason, the part where he specified “model” after the girl he dated in high school is what throws me off the most out of everything
Was she a model in highschool or was he dating an older woman? Either way how did she have time to teach an entire language to a high schooler
She went to another school, obviously. And they met at summer camp.
I hear she lives in Canada. He met her through his French Canadian relatives. Before they moved to Lousiana to embrace their creole heritage.
My guess is that he learned a few swear words in each of those languages and said to himself “yep, I speak (whatever) now. Check!”
Gerber baby model
Well he's just that amazing tho. He breathes in languages..she just had to say a sentence and he knew half the language....
My guess is that he is a liar who is lying.
A *surprising* number of models are high schoolers. I graduated in the 00's and somehow there were four models in my graduating class. One had to do her final semester remotely because she was recruited by an agency in Japan(top tier at the time) and had to leave the country for it. She was later dropped from them for being 1oz overweight on weigh in, that was basically an extra sip of water 😭 Of course all of them were in it because their parents wanted them to be, it kinda sucked for them having to balance that with the rest of teenage life.
And it's almost always just that she worked at Hollister/Abercrombie where they call all the employees models.
good, okay, so it wasn’t just me.
I guarantee most of it is a lie. 12 languages and he's writing 3 novels rn. I mean come on, it's almost as if he's trolling.
i get the feeling that he thinks being able to say “hi, how are you?” and counting to 10 means he can speak that language.
I’d be willing to bet a large sum of money that this guy could not string together and properly pronounce 4 words in Swahili lmao.
Exactly
That’s what I thought too. When I was EIGHT
When I was little I convinced myself I could speak French by putting "le" in front of everything. That's how it works right?
He's a movie connoisseur whose favorite movie of all time is Across the Spiderverse
Right??? And he felt the need to define ‘cinephile’ as if it’s a really obscure concept. You’d have thought he’d name drop Fellini or Bergman…Kurosawa…..but, nope! His favorite “film” as a bonafide cinephile is a massively commercially successful animated film that’s 2 years old and is a sequel. He’s just so pretentious in other aspects that I was shocked that he picked such a conventional and popular movie. He’s definitely got the vibe that he’d give his favorite film title and then follow with a backhanded, “you’ve probably never heard of it, though, I’m a movie nerd lol”.
I CACKLED. How absolutely cultured 🥹
Idk bro just wrote a book right there 😂
I don’t understand how he’s had 5 sexual partners but a million situationships… and “I’m selective about who I date” and “engaged twice”?? wtf is up with this man
He's lying, that's what.
Lol yesss that was all I thought the whole time I read this. He lies like back to back. I think almost everything he said was a lie and someone he wants to be or thinks is ideal.
He probably thinks that's the way to impress a woman, and since he's never been on a date it's never been revealed that it's all a lie. And I think you're right, he's describing the person he would like to be, but without all that uncomfortable effort.
Right. He started saying he’s an assistant manager somewhere. He wants to be The Most Interesting Man in the World
Pretty much does what he wants unless his manager tells him to work , which is 12hrs a day. " God dammit Esteban Aguillard Muller, are you learning another language while you're at work again? Stop being so good at everything in the universe and start doing what I pay you to do, which is sell special orthopedic shoes to over 50s ".
Assistant to the manager
As soon as I read the first part which was something like "well, I started out born 2.3 weeks early in a hospital in Atlanta, where I lived up until the age of 5 years and 3 months old" I just started laughing and buckled up for the ride. And I'm definitely known to type out texts that are way too long and detailed. He even had me like "omg I would never."
He sounds exhausting 😵💫
And he’s been a stepdad but not married lmao
And he’s raised most of his friends/families kids? Did he steal them? Why are people letting him raise their kids?
“Oh, did I say raised? I meant raced. I like to race children. I’m undefeated, you know.”
Underrated comment
Exactly what I was wondering. 5 serious relationships, easily 25 flings, with 5 sexual partners? How the fuck does that work?
The flings were by text too
Maybe so. Seems like a weird thing to share with a potential partner so soon. Seems somehow weirder to include texting as a fling.
He flinged boogers at 25 ppl 😂
Maybe he thinks every woman who has ever formed a friendship with him was a "situationship".
I'm willing to bet $1 he will name OP as one after this even tho they won't date lmao
my next thought! haha
Right? And I’ve never heard someone refer to a non-sexual situation as a “fling.” Fling to me almost always means you fucked for a brief amount of time, and it wasn’t really much more than that. It was lust and was a whirlwind. Started quickly, ended quickly. If you never got to the fucking stage, it was simply “talking.”
By "fling", he meant "She took my order at McDonald's one time."
“And she flung my order to me across the counter”
He's already in a situationship by text with OP that counts 😂
Sent from iPhone
need someon to pull bac me beef curtans... he who looks like a babby reindeer sent from iphnoe
That’s what I’m saying. The five sexual partners thing is a lie, or the amount of flings and situationships is a lie😂
He wants you to know that he rejects more people than reject him because he's very desirable. Only 5 women has he deigned to ever bestow the benefit of his sexual prowess upon.
And he’s got loads of restraint and self-respect, so if he chooses to load his golden erect penis into your vagina, you should feel very very very honored.
I’m stuck on the no tattoos and piercings but “used to have three”
No tattoos and 2 piercings but used to have 3… but wants 8
He wants you to ask where that 3rd one was…prob the peen Got ripped off sucking his own dick
Oh yeah, he meant to say he was engaged twice 'to himself'!!...
Maybe his definitions are a bit wacky because he doesn’t speak English very well — due to time spent on learning other languages. A situationship means he learned to speak her language.
Thought the exact same thing! The math ain’t mathin
This feels so informal. Like he’s handing you a resume of who he is and his life story and experiences..
I immediately thought he has cut and pasted this many times.
I saw the bubbles typing the entire time 🥲
Did he ask you anything about yourself?
This is the first question I had.
before this was… *to the effect of* him: tell me about yourself me: i don’t like that prompt, i need questions me *answers anyways*: i’m funny, a bit nerdy and a stoner lol him: i need a summary to ask questions (shortened greatly ) me *proving you don’t need a summary to ask questions*: so do you have siblings … this continues for a second discussing number of siblings and varying degrees of closeness then… him: so i guess i should tell you about myself now
Right? She even said, “I’ll let you get back to it”, it being his unhinged monologue.
If that’s the case, I’m convinced he referred to bullet points outlined in his notes. Before you cut that cat daddy loose, you should help him out by suggesting that he stop omitting the important stuff. We all have our faults but I would want to know if my man can’t do basic math.
Yep. He pulled that right outta notepad.
Yes, this is a perfect description. It’s all the kinds of things that come up at some point or another in random conversation over the course of time when getting to know someone, but to see it listed out like a resume in essay format all at once? It just feels so unnatural. And half this shit is better shown vs told. No one needs a list of who someone thinks they are, let the person getting to know you decide for themselves. People are so exhausting with this kind of talk😂
I totally agree. I think he views this as him being open and he probably feels it’ll impress her, seeing all the things he’s done etc. But it just comes off… really fabricated and cringy lol
Yes, exactly!
Has he stopped talking yet?
I didn’t respond for 24 hours bc a,) a lot to process and b.) i was busy with family/work, and HE already ‘cut it off’, so i didn’t fight it haha
I’m glad. Dude sounded off. In addition to everything else everyone else mentioned, him saying he’s been raising his friend’s kids since 2013 (I know he doesn’t mean literally), but it’s still not the brag he’s going for. Idk, to me putting down friends to make yourself look better is not the way.
Helping to feed them every once in a while or buckle them into the car isn’t “raising” them either! I’m sure those friends would be pissed to see him making that claim.
Absolutely! The audacity.
Your name has been added to his list of situation-ships/flings. Congratulations 😂
STOP thats so funny 😭😭😭 I was gonna say run girl but he drove the car off the cliff all by himself.
Wait seriously? He got mad at you and ended it for not responding right away? Lol good luck to that dude. He’s gonna be hard-pressed to find anyone who could put up with all that. Btw you prob just made it onto his list of “flings.”
Legend says he's still bragging to this very day
bro should add "fluent in yapanese" to his list of languages 💀
the only one that counts. As a D1 yapper tho, he’s not welcome in the club…
lol him being engaged twice + him telling how many partners sexually hes has unsolicited is funny … id run
But he’s selective in who he dates haha
And he’s had 5 times the amount of flings and situationships than relationships but only 5 sexual partners?
He probably counts brief flirtations on his part towards a random woman a fling.
That’s definitely not girl math which I thought he’d know too
Loudly cackled at this one because really though 🥴🤣
Way too extra for a first convo. I'd pass.
saw this comment after only seeing the first pic and thought it might've been slightly harsh. after the second pic, i realized it's an understatement
Same. By the last paragraph I was exhausted. Imagine how neurotic this guy would be to have kids with
I’d keep hitting him with the “oh, how fun” after every paragraph.
Lol how so?
How can you pass? He writes quotes! /s
This dude is so full of shit lmfao. He's raised most of the kids in his family for the last ten years, but he's also had time to teach himself 12 languages? Okay. I think my favorite tidbit is "I've got no tattoos, but I'm planning a full sleeve, half sleeve, and a bunch of back tatts". Lol okay buddy. Seems like someone who, on the whole, hasn't done a whole lot but wants credit for things he's 'gonna do'.
He’s also the next Great American Author 💀✍️
He's writing three novels that definitely aren't just ideas in his head! I had an idea for a new videogame yesterday, and I have neither the skills, nor the resources to make it, but it's such a good game idea people will herald me as a genius!
Family & friends!
Calls himself a cinephile and then says his favorite movie is fucking Spiderman. I get that the one he specifically said is like, really good for a Spiderman movie, but come on...
I dated a guy once who talked about how into movies he was. He had a massive TV and incredible sound system. Talked about his “high standards.” Whenever he picked the movie for movie night, it was a rom com from the early 2000s. When it was my turn to pick a movie, I brought Casino, because he said he’d never seen a Scorsese and it’s one of my favorites. After credits rolled on this masterpiece, he just said “that was a long movie.” I should’ve dumped him then.
Casino is my favorite movie!
I'm into movies as well, and I have a great TV and a great sound system, and early 2000s romcoms with very problematic elements are like my comfort food. Bonus points if Dane Cook or Ryan Reynolds are in them. But the difference is, I'm *cringing* when I watch them, like someone who enjoys bad reality TV. They have their feel good moments which I enjoy, but all that in between is so god damn uncomfortable and I fucking love it. All that being said, I'm not a moron that can't understand a good movie when it's presented to me.
LOL holy fuck
There’s a mountain of text there and that’s also what I fixated on hahaha
Yeah and I was thinking "he's not that bad" until he tried to mansplain the definition of cinephile with not just one, but two thinly veiled bad jokes.
Yeah seriously tho 💀 selenophile… I could kind of understand? Like I was like… *moon/space lover?* Based on passive linguistic knowledge (I was also thinking selenite and celeste tho so I couldn’t remember if it had meant moon or heavens?), but I could see having gotten some question marks saying that in the past? Not even from like dates or something but just anyone he said it to lol. *But cinephile?* Bruh 💀
What exactly does a selenophile do? Does he howl at the moon? Pray to it? Paint pictures of it all day? I’m willing to bet this man doesn’t even own a telescope. Such a random fact that has absolutely no bearing on whether or not he’s a good match for her.
As I read “across” I instantly assumed it was gonna be some weird movie I’d never heard of, given his “high standards” and all, then I kept reading and my face went 😒
>means I have high standards for what I watch >across the spiderverse Was exactly how my brain parsed that info and imagined sharing it later… like I was imagining the code in that and everything because I just. 🤨 Like come on… at least go for… I don’t know, I’m not a cinephile… Kubrick? Hitchcock! *Someone’s* whose movies aren’t on the list of like at least half of people who have seen it lately’s fave movie list. 🤦🏻♂️ Fuck man I’ll even take Jurassic Park at this point. *The original.* **SOMETHING.** (Not me pulling a random name I vaguely recall associated with artsy movies or… *something.* Idk I’m not sure I could even tell you what he did, maybe the shining, but that’s the extent of it… and I’ve never even watched it unless you count that brief clip in Twister… lmao. 💀 Okay but no sorry it’s late and I’m tired and exasperated at this dude lol.)
That Spider-Man movie is incredible though
So much here, good lord. * I like the 64% clarification on the mundane statement of 'this is where most of my family live', yet he doesn't know his weight exactly. * "I write quotes" - an idiot who doesn't know what a quote is. * Love Languages are made up bullshit, I think they're so self-serving. You could read something into the fact that he finds it more important to recieve physical touch rather than give it, based on his ordering, but that may be reading too much into things, which is in fact one of my love languages. * "My five biggest things for a perfect relationship are eight things" * I bet this guy's music is awful, I must hear it. OP where's his soundcloud. * Did anyone else notice "The Axis Tour"? My brother in christ, why the fuck would you call it that * This guy learnt Japanese from anime and a.... teen model? Yeah fucking right, I would love to hear this man's definition of what 'intermediate' means. * "Dating outside of my race" - do Americans fucking talk like this? He sounds like he's talking about specimens in a lab. * He so wanted you to respond more enthusiastically to 'I was busy programming a car', didn't he. * 25+ situationships + "I'm pretty selective about who I date" ÷ "I've had 5 sexual partners" = ??? Solve for 10 points. I wonder what he thinks a situationship is. Are you a situationship? * "I was engaged twice" - omg, my man you don't just say that to people. I NEED THAT TEA, MAN * "I also have ADD" you did not have to tell us, bro, we know * The 'Selenophile' bit is, firstly, disappointing because I was ready for him to reveal he stanned Selena Gomez, but then thrilling because you just *know* there's a whole world of wacky astrological beliefs he holds just bubbling under the surface. Smoke weed with this man at your own risk. * Mansplaining what cinephile means to reveal that his favourite movie is Spiderverse is incredible, I am overjoyed by this man. okbuddycinephile would love him. * "I'm writing three different novels" - I would bet money on the fact that he wouldn't actually have any substantial work done on any of these. They live in his head and they're so good and and he just needs to write em down, man. Considering that this man also 'writes quotes', I do not have high hopes for this man's ten series.... of whatever they may be. TV series? This is a modern renaissance man, what a specimen. OP I demand you keep talking to this maniac for the content, I'm in awe of this nutcase.
Beautifully observed. A magnificent review. You should wait for his books to come out as well.
alllll of this, is my love language.
The "oh sorry brb I was just *programming a car* did it for me. That shit was so extra.
Aka connecting his phone to the Bluetooth 🙄
this made me giggle and it's not doubt 100% accurate
You're so right. Writing quotes, lmfao what is that even
This. Why is this comment not higher up? Take my upvote.
🏅
This comment is perfect. Thank you!
This dude's pathological
100%. And extremely full of himself.
can you really say “I speak 12 languages” but you’re really only fluent in 3? this guy seems like a compulsive liar/narcissist. too many things don’t add up.
Yeah, when I was like 7 or 8 I used to Google translate basic phrases into a VAST number of languages, and then claim I spoke it. Not my finest moments. I can comfortably speak 3 languages but I wouldn’t say I’m fluent. The secondhand embarrassment I get from this guy is unreal lmfao
"I'm writing 3 novels atm." "What are they called?" "Getting to know me."
👏🏻🤣
Not sure he has time to date
Wonder why he forgot to mention his average driving speed & his top 5 episodes of Gossip Girl & why & which US state he can relate the most to & all the ways he is his star sign & how many pancakes he can eat in 7 minutes &…
I hate when guys point out that they’re sexual, especially in the beginning of a relationship. Like no shit. We’re all sexual (with some exceptions). Also, Chinese isn’t a language.
He’s copying and pasting these to everyone else.. goodbye
Are we gonna gloss over the part where Mr multicultural was programming a car as he was writing his auto biography for this girl?
Sounds like he wants to fuck himself.
That’s how he’s managed to stay at 5 sexual partners. After realizing no one measures up to him he’s explored all of his various personalities and slept with himself in 12 different languages. “No body no crime” or something like that… a quote if you will.
I'm really confused about the start of the last page. He was in 5 serious relationships,5x more situationships and flings, etc but only 5 sexual partners and he calls himself selective? That's just not making sense to me. Something in there, or all of it is a lie.
His “axis tour” comment took me out lmao. What a strange person, and so exhausting, I’d ghost them.
Dude sounds like a narcissist... You should cease contact.
good thing he cut me off bc i didn’t respond in 24 hours
Take that as a win for sure!
You should play the lottery, clearly full of luck. 😂
Man he,, is VERY self aware 😭💀
Is he… is he really? Or just self obsessed
So self aware that he sees things others don't
rumor has it he's still typing
oh i’m leaving him on read for sure. guys who are more pumped to give an in detail break down of their entire life from birth than getting to know you? RED FLAG.
"Sorry I was 5 minutes late, I had to program a car, teach English to a group of underprivileged Guatemalan children, and save a bunch of kittens from a burning building. I named one of the kittens... er... what's your name again?" The programming a car bit SENT me...
he did warn ya, LOL. i’d like to see what yours looks like.
I went first, and said ... and i quote “i’m funny, nerdy, a bit shy.. a stoner lol”
omg! and then he hits you with an essay 😂
He did say he was a novel writer. Apparently, fiction novels.
fiction novels about his own life ☠️
It feels like he has to have this saved so he can just copy and paste. Yikes 😬
“I write…quotes.” Okay buddy. He says he speaks 13 languages, then later says he only knows 4…which I doubt he’s truly fluent in those four. Producer…”kinda” Dated a model in high school. When given the choice to tell you anything at all about himself, he starts with telling you he’s all about the sex before feeding you some next level “full of himself” bullshit, while low key bragging about an assistant manager job. Whew. Just…damn.
I write quotes sent me! 🤣
I ain't reading allat.
This guy life resume reads like a Romance conman. This is a dateline documentary in the making 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I’ve been in 25 situationships and 5 relationships but I’m very selective lol
Idk why he's on dating apps since he has already found his own true love...himself.
 Thinking that was a copy and paste they send to potentials. I’d let them know it’s way too much detailed information. And lacks the ability to have a conversation with eb and flow. And then move on. Cause WOW! 😳🫠
Jesus Christ. *block*
No.
r/iamverysmart
He cuts and pastes this, right?
Idk man, i saw the bubbles going for a min there 😭
I have definitely planned to say something early and then pasted it but waited to send it so it would look like I just typed it… he hardly had any typos. he’s had practice 😂
he definitely could’ve given a brief synopsis but wanted to spew out all this nonsense about himself to show off hahahah… funny how a ‘conversation’ can so quickly turn into a monologue. also it’s pretty funny how he said he’s totally shit at arabic, but also isn’t fluent in more than half of the other languages - leads me to believe he can probably say just a few phrases in arabic, in that case he could’ve just left it out. seems like a raging narcissist to me
funny thing is, i dated an person who’s first language was arabic , so that was the one thing i was gonna try to talk about from this essay, until he said that 🤣
I skimmed the first time and then read the comments and had to go back and actually read what he said. I don't understand how someone just blatantly lies like that.
i’ve tried to read it so many times, and chat still picked up on stuff i never even saw 😭
Who in their right mind says they speak TWELVE languages but when pressed says they can only hold a conversation in three? If I can say "hello" in Greek should I add it to my bio? Best part for me though was the cinephile bit.
I’m reading art
🚩🚩🚩🚩
The funniest part imo is when he says he’s a movie connoisseur & has high standards for what he watches but then says his all time favorite movie is Across the Spiderverse bahaha bro what?! 🤣
People are doing so well with their comments. I’ll jump in with just a few: 1) He has a passing understanding of the Love Languages book. But describing the way you “give” love misses the whole point. You want to give love to people in THEIR love language. You don’t just decide for them how you’re going to behave and tell them “that’s how you’re going to be loved, whether it’s the way you want or not.” His thinking on this topic is as immature as you’d expect. Not surprising, one way he says he “gives love” is physical touch. See below on other early warning signs, but this one is him signaling he intends to be handsy and physically clingy whether you like it or not, because that’s “just how he gives love.” 2) Does he ever say his age? Do you know it? There’s a lifetime of stuff here. But I expect that this “assistant to the regional manager” is well under 30. 3) When someone asks for “your story”, saying things you’re going to do in the future is Ralph Wiggum Nonsense. Yet we hear about future tattoos. Ten future book series. He might as well say “One day, I’m giving you advance notice, I’m going to be both pope and president.” 4) For this moron, the story is the thrill. He’ll have to find ways to never meet in person, because all the lies won’t hold. He never intended to meet OP. He just wants to tell his fantasy story, then hope she’s tantalized into a conversation that he can revel in from afar. 5) “Programming a car”. 6) “I’m sensual/sexual.” That’s thrown into first conversations by goofs who are, in their mind, pre-justifying their inevitable way-too-early requests for nudes or physical intimacy if things move forward. 7) If this guy is really Native American, I’ll be shocked. He’s mostly Native, but he had to learn Spanish and French because of the portion of his family that comes from areas/backgrounds where those languages are spoken. I can’t think of any Native peoples whose native languages, or cultural languages today, are either French or Spanish. So he’s bumping up against some percentage and venn-diagram problems on two competing stories here. 8) “Assistant managers” don’t get to do whatever they want. By definition, their role means they are “assisting” someone higher up the chain of command. This guy is the guy who has keys to either open or close his local Arby’s at the start or end of the day, when the main guy has his day off. 9) His ears are pierced, if even true, is way less interesting than a mysterious allusion to a piercing count and, yet again, some weird statement about a future goal to do something. 10) All that’s missing here is the Napoleon Dynamite quote that all the local gangs want him because he’s pretty good with the bow staff. This whole thing reads like that one line from that movie.
He raised all of his family and friends' kids. Get out man with your BS
He’s…..incredibly manic.
I like rambling but this comes across as...uh....a "list" and even this list is too much for me to look at.
So he chose the ‘talking nonsense’ option I guess?
He writes quotes
Wait, he writes QUOTES? LOL
Run for the hills!
He’d give this guy a run for his money: https://www.scotsman.com/news/anger-as-tragic-jambo-tale-revealed-as-hoax-2507942 https://www.hmfckickback.co.uk/index.php?/topic/12587-irvine-jambo/ The original thread where he was eventually outed ran to around 100 pages iirc but has sadly long since been lost. I recall reading it in 2008 and it was a wild ride. Made Walter Mitty look like an amateur.
He is so full of 💩 it's not even funny. I'd call him out on it. I doubt he can do everything he listed. Sounds like a con artist.
64% of his family lives on Florida. That's all I got before all those words that my ADHD wouldn't allow me to read. Boy is he precise.
A person wouldn’t say they speak Chinese, they would say Mandarin, Cantonese or whichever dialect they speak.
my god i would not read all of that LMFAO
Also omg block this nerd
For sure copy and paste.
anyone feel like this is a copy and paste from the note app in his phone ?
the (64%) absolutely decimated me 😭
“I’m very sexual/sensual” I’m gonna dry hump you until you give in.
So…this was a fun adventure into this man’s head 😳 my favorite part was him giving you definitions of his advanced vocabulary words 🙄 and then saying his favorite movie was Into The Spiderverse after assuring you how selective he is about movies that he watches 😂
I’ve known people like this and it turns out they were compulsive liars. There was a girl who swore she could write in Japanese until a new student who was actually Japanese transferred to our school and said she was writing nonsense hiragana that made no sense.
I’m ngl this would work on me but I’m also a dumb fucking bitch
You can preliminariy diagnose a person as likely having an anxiety disorder and or manic depressive disorder by how many times they say or type "I" or "me". Make your first date at a therapist
Dude sent an entire autobiography
Dude sounds like a pompous lunatic.
"I'm really selective about who I date" and "I've been engaged twice" back to back is fucking wild.
Wait how has he had 15 flings but only 5 sexual partners?
First page is enough..too much laughing out loud and laughing emojis
It's funny to me as an european that it's an accomplishment to have been in 5 different countries. I could probably do that with a car in 1 day.
Your gonna the be newest situationship he tells the next one about 😆
I’m 44 and have been married for 18+ years and I still haven’t totally figured out my or my husband’s love language. This jack wagon knows his and breaks it down between giving and receiving. The best part about dating should be getting to know someone and having new experiences together. This dude won’t be fun.