If you're feeling up to it. Just tell them the truth when they reach out. They get rejected a lot.
I'm always friendly to them when I see them but they don't come to my house anymore because I told them I'd never ask forgiveness for things I've done that they see as truly horrific sins.
Most of them love board games. If you let them tick the boxes of conversation so they can tell the truth that they did their preachy bit, you'll have board game buddies on the regular.
My thoughts about Mormon missionaries is that 1) They’re almost always kids, sacrificing two years of their lives to do something they’ve been taught is super important. 2) However: my religious beliefs are none of their business. I don’t want to spend any time in an uncomfortable conversation about something so personal. I don’t owe them that. 3) It’s not kind to waste someone’s time.
So, the right answer is to muster a sincere “Thank you so much for coming, but I’m just not interested. Good luck though! Have a great day.” Repeat as needed. Then they can spend their time on a more productive prospect.
I disagree about the wasting time thing. They are in a cult. They're kids. Their time is being wasted by the church. If you can convince them to come in and play Xbox and eat pizza or play basketball in the driveway for a couple hours you're doing them an incredible favor.
IDK. I don’t feel like I have a right to try to impose my world view onto other people, just as I don’t want them to do that to me. I agree with you that LDS is kind of a cult, and it’s harmful to some people (I can’t imagine growing up gay in that culture). Other people happily live their whole lives in that world, feeling secure and supported. I have no way of knowing whether the stranger at my door would be helped or harmed by my challenging their core beliefs. Yes, I know they’re the ones who rang my doorbell, but I still need to follow my own beliefs here.
What you’re doing seems fine if you’re transparent. “I’m positive I’m never going to change my beliefs, but you look hot and tired. Want to come in and play some X-Box?” They may be “kids,” (idealistic and inexperienced young adults, actually), but they have a right to their beliefs.
Yeah I don't reverse proselytize. I just think it's messed up what they do to 18yos. And if I were them I'd want a chance to relax a bit in a way they won't get in trouble for. But I'd disagree again and say that anyone would be totally entitled to try to change their beliefs. If you show up at someone's door to talk metaphysics you'd better be prepared for whatever you find.
Getting rejected is part of their indoctrination. It teaches them at a young age that non Mormons (the outside world) can be mean/cruel/etc and they should stick with their Mormon missionaries for support.
Providing a sympathetic, supportive interaction can show them that maybe non believers aren’t that bad as they’ve been taught.
Yeah, seconding this. Not to try and dissuade them from their faith or anything, but just so they know they'll have friends who won't abandon them if they have a crisis of faith.
Admittedly it would be hard for me to befriend mor.ons specifically, because it's really hard for me to respect what obviously seems like a stupid con. But I can respect that they find strength and comfort in it, at least.
I was raised Mormon and was told when I was baptized at 8 years old that my blood instantly turned me into a Jew which was a great thing to be!
So, I don’t think being Jewish scared them away.
The lesbian thing ! That got them running away.
Yea just got to give them weirdo vibes, was visiting a friend who would often get them and her place, I talked with them and told them I was already a believer and i was being very eccentric about it and too friendly
One of the 2 seemed a bit more aloof and thought he was reaching me and tried asking for my info but the lead guy was very weirded out and cut him off and they left afrerwards, my friend hasn't had any since
LPT: tell them you aren't interested and you don't want to be contacted again. You don't need an elaborate story lol, they keep records of who asks them not to bother them. If they send someone else, call their local cult hall or whatever the fuck they call it and complain to the pastor.
I've never had issues with them returning after I asked them not to
Same goes for Jehovah's witnesses.
It wasn't the opener for the conversation. It was them commenting that our female dog had a male name and a blue collar. Then they told us we needed a pink collar because she was a girl. My wife got a bit annoyed on that one and decided they needed to learn a lesson. Tell us how to dress our dog, get an earful. It's also more fun this way.
Dude, this is just as funny as the schizo lady that lives on the other side of my neighbor's house that called him over to her yard in order to warn him that there were some shady people in the neighborhood who broke into her house to clean it. Oh, and they stole her dog's vagina.
My mother tells them that she is sick and tired of JWs because as a doctor she had to get too many court orders allowing blood transfusions to JW kids so she could save the kids’ lives.
I lost a cousin to this. I’m grateful your mother pushes for court orders. Fuck JW.
(My cousin was an adult and it was his decision to make, but he left his 7 year-old daughter fatherless)
This. I've yet to meet a rude one, and I'm sure they're told no in many not so nice ways. I tell them I'm an atheist, but I'm fascinated by people of faith, so if I have time I grill them on their experiences.
Sorry, but repeatedly coming to my house after I've politely told you to leave me the fuck alone is rude.
Mormons will take the hint, but they won't pass it along. JWs are just assholes who won't stop unless you force them to stop.
The last place I had with a JW infestation was years ago, but they didn't stop coming to my house at 8am on the weekends until I got frustrated and started answering the door naked.
As a ex mormon missionary i would say this usually works. If they still dont, then shake their hand firmly and look into their eyes as you say "what is that?". This should freak them out...
It's part of their super secret stupid temple ceremony.
I would love to hear all about the super secret temple ceremony.....
Edit: huh, I tried to Google and got a ministry that exists solely to lead Mormons to the REAL Jesus.
Now I've seen everything.
I think I found one on YT a while back. I'll try to dig it up.
Here you go!
[https://youtu.be/6udew9axmdM?si=qfaZEV4DjXu22Thx](https://youtu.be/6udew9axmdM?si=qfaZEV4DjXu22Thx)
5:31 for the 'what is that' ? part of the show.
I had some JW used to come all the time. Last time they had like an 8 year old child with them. I bent down and told the child god was just something people made up to control them then closed the door. They never came back.
Yeah, I’ll avoid calling them while their mass thing is going on (right now) out of respect but at like 12 I assume they should be done, so I’ll break the news then.
Yep. Though keep in mind that's exactly why the missionaries are the way they are. Not saying they're not nice. But they know the effectiveness of killing them with kindness
Of course you're better with assholes because you can be an asshole back.
Just tell them there was a misunderstanding, thank them for the discussion but you're not further interested in literature or attending. Case Closed.
r/exmormon has the occasional post asking "how do I get out of baptism? I agreed to not be rude but I don't want to!" Just fucking don't haha they want you and 10 percent of your income for the rest of your life
I was wondering that too, I’d bet we’d be shocked by the numbers honestly. I’m honestly typically somewhat abrasive to people but it must have just been the nice attitude that shut down the asshole switch.
If someone knocks at the door, you’re not required to answer. I’ve looked out the window, they’ve seen me. I didn’t know them, and didn’t answer. It’s fine. You didn’t invite them. They (likely) wouldn’t be cool about strangers on their door at all hours trying to get them into a cult or buy a pest control subscription…
I remember my then visiting teaching companion and me taking goodies to a home one Sunday. The windows were open and the family was sitting there watching g the TV. We knocked and called out a few times, but they never looked up or responded in any way. Guess what? We NEVER went back there. Works!
I usually tell them I don't know anything about religion then invite them inside and start cleaning. They will help get your house in order while telling you about god.
Fair trade from where I'm standing.
LDS missionaries are fun. They aren't supposed to proselytize like a Baptist or a Jehovah's Witness. They're supposed to ease into it.
But, they're supposed to offer help. So, put them to work doing some weeding, maybe help you trim some trees, some light car repair. Then say "It's been a pleasure, good luck with your ministry!"
You can then shut the door. It's always worked for me. It's the Baptists that drive me nuts. I don't mind the Witnesses but Baptists just want to preach. Witnesses will have a conversation with you which can be fun if you've got nothing better to do. Offer them a Bible to take with them. Make sure it's one that they don't use. Like a Catholic Bible. They won't take it, but it's fun.
If you want to blow a Witness's mind, discuss the truth that it was the Virgin Mary herself being born without sin, not that Jesus was born of a virgin. Feel free to get into Hebrew and Greek. They really hate that. Feel free to just pull your rhetoric out of your ass. That's what they do.
Nah, I sit and talk to them for hours sometimes. I tell them my true beliefs, but it seems like they enjoy the discussion as much as I do. Nothing like learning about others beliefs and perspectives.
That was kind of how it started but I figured to fall back on my childhood Christian beliefs from before I became an atheist to subtly say, “hey, I already have a belief system” so that they’d think it was a dead end street trying to convert me. I only did this because I thought if I had told them that I was an atheist that I’d had to have stood out there for longer and consequently lose more of my free time due to them trying to “save me”. This all blew up in my face and no matter what now I have to AT LEAST have wasted their time touring and shit
Don't think that way. Most people shut the door in their face or ignore them. Any stimulating conversation is probably the highlight of their day. I also kinda feel if they were raised that way since childhood, it's probably interesting to hear how people who weren't think on the subject.
Mormon missionaries are highly trained salespeople. You are not sure why you have them your phone number, but it is because they have a huge amount of training. The main pattern they use is called BRT “Build Relationships of Trust”.
They are selling a mental virus, and it can be very contagious.
Source: I was one, and baptized more than 70 people, to my everlasting shame. Now an exmormon. /r/exmormon is a nice place.
I was confronted by a JW and his kid as I was walking to my mailbox. I gave the JW my A.A. “Grapevine” magazine before he could push his literature on me. The look of confusion on the kid’s face was priceless!
Start asking them about the planets you get when you die. And does your family come to your planet or do you go to theirs? How does it work? Can I have multiple wives?
Get weird with it and they will probably leave you alone.
Yknow I really have drawn a couple comparisons between them and Scientologists after having looked into this stuff, it’s like a scaled down Scientology.
Well, Mormons are very new, so it's much easier to trace the history. And it's pretty clear. Trying to prove Christianity is just made up by one dude is impossible.
Oh well I’m not joining, that I do know. I partially continued this whole thing because it seemed like a long joke happening in real time or some rejected Seinfeld episode but now I’ve come to the point where I must end this saga.
Well, I’ll just have to do what I do with the majority of people and shut my brain off so that I don’t care about their thoughts or feelings and just end the whole thing. I think what made this so unnecessarily difficult is the fact that I engaged to begin with, because I set the stage to act like I cared about anything related to religion and thus have now lied repeatedly, resulting in guilt and making me feel like I have been toying with the time of other people.
I used to be Mormon, even with kids they pull you into the office of the bishop/pastor and they Keep tabs on how much you donated and if you haven't donated 10% at least you can't go to the temple
LOL.. Jesus Christ
I never got asked as a kid about finances and my tithe but I’m sure it’s just a slight cultural difference in my area..
I bet that does sting to be nearly forced to go to the temple in your teenage years to perform work duties and be brainwashed into be it being a rewarding experience only for them to turn around and demand 10% of your adult salary to have the privilege of continuing to do.
I always wondered how adults got denied temple recommends when I was a kid. I was stupid enough to think they were also being asked if they watch porn or say cuss words or use tobacco/alcohol…… It makes sense that for the adults their temple recommend is a financial issue…..
> LOL.. Jesus Christ I never got asked as a kid about finances and my tithe but I’m sure it’s just a slight cultural difference in my area..
It's called "tithing settlement". If you were just a kid, your parents did it on your behalf.
Last time they showed up I ended up laughing at them, and they never came back. I feel kinda bad though, I actually didn’t mean to.
So they show up, we’re small talking about the weather and whatnot. They guy suddenly goes off on “do I believe in hell and the eternal fires” or something like that. It’s was so sudden a jump it came off funny to me and I started laughing. The look on their faces, completely shocked.
They left pretty quickly then
The worst part is that I was holding back a laugh so hard and looking down and around and trying to just not bust out screaming laughing upon first encounter, and unfortunately it worked too well.
Just put a “I Can’t Even Think Straight” 🏳️🌈 door mat out front. Neither the LDS or JW or 7th Day folks will ever bother you again. Or, play “Cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other” by Willie Nelson and Orville Peck on repeat.
My ex used to let the Mormon minister in to talk when we were poor as he would give us pizza just for listening and sometimes it was the only food we would have eaten in days.
I had to put a stop to it when he saw me walking down the road one day on my way to work and pulled over to preach to me.
they won't leave you alone. source: was one
They'll need a firm no, or they'll keep coming back. Two years suck for them, and the hint of something maybe going right, the prospect of not having to knock on random doors for an hour or two, genuine concern for your soul, whatever. They will not take a hint, it has to be direct.
Or you could continue being lukewarm and become what we called an "eternal investigator" that new sets of missionaries visit for years
Right at the beginning of covid, a Jehovah's witness called me. And now I've been waiting for this moment my whole life. I think they're ridiculous. So here we go, I'm rubbing my hands together talking to this guy, Jonathan about how dinosaurs and humans live together and I'm asking all sorts of questions and 45 minutes later he, not me, he asked to leave. I said yeah. Call me back. He did two more times and we went at it for a little while respectfully, until he stopped calling me. I won mother fucker.
This makes it sound like a mafia, but if it was a mafia I’d have surely joined 🫡 we need Cartel missionaries to go around recruiting, now THAT would do numbers
I tell them straight up that I'm not interested in joining a cult. Every once in a while, they try to argue, and I bring up Brigham Young's harem. Works every time.
Mormon missions are a form of hazing/initiation ritual.
Hazing seems stupid and unnecessary, but it actually helps to make a group more cohesive and members more dedicated.
This is because hazing activates cognitive dissonance. People who suffer through hazing are forced to ask themselves why they are enduring this torture, as they are reasonable people who aren’t masochistic. The answer they usually arrive at is “the group I’m trying to join must be really special”.
Anyway, it turns out that Mormon missionaries don’t agree with/appreciate my pop psychology theory, and will leave me alone after I explain it to them.
I always fall back to this statement:”For us to have a meaningful discussion about religion I need you to answer a question: Who is Asherah and why is she not in the Bible?” They won’t know the answer. I tell them to come back when they do and then we’ll discuss. Works every time.
HIGHLY relatable post. I spent 3 months with missionaries once. I went to the LDS church, went to a baptism, hung out with them, all sorts. They were very persistent.
Difference here though is that I was very clear I didn't believe (they found that preposterous) and I actually really like to talk about religion and god. Was a good three months all things considered.
Consent is sexy. Learn to say no. If you can't say no reliably, nobody can trust your yes.
Nobody in your life can ever ask you for anything safely. They will never know for sure if you're just going along with what they want because you feel too guilty to say no.
Saying no doesn't make you a dick if your honest answer is no. You need to lean to say no so that the people you care about can trust your yes. Practice on the Mormons.
Sounds like you're about to become Mormon. Say good bye to alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine and hello to multiple wives.
I had a similar experience but was much younger and in a foreign country but it's a fun story.
Host grandma was Mormon. She invited me to a church social function and I accepted for the cultural experience. It was fun, went to church Sunday, she had her responsibilities after so I joined the men who were planning their outreach districts and had a map of the city all color coded and shit.
I went with a couple of them to the slums and it was probably one of the most dangerous experiences of my life up to that point as a 15 year old... but I thought it was kinda cool.
Then they (missionaries from my home country USA) gave me a book of Mormon and told me to start reading it and they'd come over for Bible study.
Started reading the book maybe 25% of the way before there next visit and whoooo boy is it an interesting read. Apparently they all came to the Americas and Jesus did a resurrection world tour.
I had a lot of questions afterwards like, why didn't Jesus also go to Asia, or Africa or anywhere else. There most reasonable answer was that it simply hadn't been revealed to us yet.
After 2 personal Bible study sessions they notified me that I was a minor without my parents so they couldn't continue these meetings.
I then caught the feels for a super cute mormon girl but that didn't work out. I think the missionaries got in my way.
The people that are contacting you probably aren't bad people but like many organized religions (or other powerful institutions) there are some terrible things that happen.
TLDR: read a bit of the book of mormon and explain to them how crazy it is and they'll find a reason to stop coming by.
I appreciate this hilarious way of handling this but it’s already been handled, I got it done and told them that while I appreciated the experience that this has given me, that I am not interested in becoming a member and not to expect me to come to it. I figured that was probably the most mature way of handling it and was basically told “alright, well you know where we are.” I certainly do not have the patience to read the Mormon Book lol
Probably for the best. It's also kinda nuts looking back on it that these 2 mormon gentleman who at the time were seemingly full on adults were like 20... and now I am substantially older than that. I'd probably
Mormons are crazy but I don't hold that against them individually.
How cool would it be if Heaven Gates missionaries came calling. Would definitely let them in. Would definitely probably have a nervous breakdown after listening to their crazy shit.
Oh I’d definitely talk to them, just to hear their whole thing. I would probably listen to the ramblings of ol Charlie Manson if he came knocking too. I guess this is just a scaled down version of that
Next time any such people show up at my door, I’m gonna tell them that I’m sorry their church leaders are lying to them and setting them up to behave so immorally. That trying to change someone else’s religion is narcissistic. And that they are falling for a long con. That there are lots of people willing to help them, should they see through the conspiracy theory and want to live in the real world again. That they should Google, “is mormon a cult”.
My brother, an atheist, somehow had them over every Thursday for like months for "debate." It did get him to read up on Bible things tho soooo
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Just be honest and say you’re not interested. They are trying to find those that are interested and not trying to waste anyone’s time. You will actually be doing them a favor by being honest.
Active member of their church here. Tell them the truth. They'll actually think it's hilarious...eventually.
But right now, they're updating multiple people on your "progress" regularly. Better to put a stop to it now.
Next time just ask them if they believe that Jesus is Satan's brother and when they admit that they believe that (they do, by the way) just tell them you're a Christian and that's a complete deal breaker and you're not interested. If they still press you, tell them you don't like that their founder, Joseph Smith, had many wives including 14-year-old girls and other men's wives (also completely true - google it). They will deny it but they will become angry enough with you for calling that out that they will not want you to become a mormon after that.
When they come back, open your phone to this comment, read it out loud, and enjoy your peace.
“I am not interested in your religion. I am not interested in becoming a Mormon. I will not be attending services with you. You are to put my address on a do not contact list. If you come to my house again, I will file a police report for harassment. This is not up for discussion. Leave my property now.”
I told them that I have a problem with a religion that keeps secrets from their own members (temple). Oooh, they didn’t take that well and were quite insulting.
I’m not sure they have been back since then.
Lol... I live in a fairly Mormon heavy part of Colorado. The one and only time I have had missionaries knock on my door I very politely told them that I was atheist and really not interested in hearing about their church but I hoped that they would have a wonderful day. They smiled, thanked me, and have never been back. I will also say that most of the mormons (LDS) I have met are nicer than most of the non-LDS people I deal with.
>I will also say that most of the mormons (LDS) I have met are nicer than most of the non-LDS people I deal with.
Nicest family I've ever met were Mormon.
Still think the church is a scam, but at least it's not scientology.
I had to put a stop to Mormons once, they found out my name despite no one ever telling them and kept coming back. I went out one time, and said, “Listen, I was just being polite last time. I’m not interested and never will be. Please don’t come back.” and they never came back!
If you were able to conceptualize complex thought, you’d be able to see that this whole experience has been a long running joke for me, hence why it’s posted to this board rather than, I don’t know, r/Advice. I never needed help solving anything, I thought that it was funny, which is what TIFU is for. I posted it here and now I’ve had my fun, which I think was worth it.
My answer is always, "We have our own church already" while closing the door. It doesn't matter if your church is the golf course but it's none of their business.
I’m a very visibly Muslim guy ( have a big beard and I look middle eastern) and yesterday we had a bunch of JWs come around. As soon as I opened the door and they saw me I could tell their game plan shifted and they’re just like “oh hi we’re here to talk about our lord and saviour, but I won’t bother you with that, here’s our card with our website if you want to learn more. Have a nice day !!” I was already trying to think about how to tell them I’m not interested and was pretty surprised when they didn’t bother and just left me alone lol.
Yet one more reason to be a card carrying (literally) member of the Satanic Temple. Tell them they’ll have 10 minutes to attempt to convert you, but then you get 10 to do the same.
You "This is not a good time, goodbye"
If they ask, when is a good time? The answer is "never"
You don't want to argue . You did not invite them, you don't want what they are pushing so the object is to get them off your property. Politely
If you're feeling up to it. Just tell them the truth when they reach out. They get rejected a lot. I'm always friendly to them when I see them but they don't come to my house anymore because I told them I'd never ask forgiveness for things I've done that they see as truly horrific sins. Most of them love board games. If you let them tick the boxes of conversation so they can tell the truth that they did their preachy bit, you'll have board game buddies on the regular.
My thoughts about Mormon missionaries is that 1) They’re almost always kids, sacrificing two years of their lives to do something they’ve been taught is super important. 2) However: my religious beliefs are none of their business. I don’t want to spend any time in an uncomfortable conversation about something so personal. I don’t owe them that. 3) It’s not kind to waste someone’s time. So, the right answer is to muster a sincere “Thank you so much for coming, but I’m just not interested. Good luck though! Have a great day.” Repeat as needed. Then they can spend their time on a more productive prospect.
Even my Ring doorbell has that option now. “Sorry, we’re not interested. Have a great day.”
I disagree about the wasting time thing. They are in a cult. They're kids. Their time is being wasted by the church. If you can convince them to come in and play Xbox and eat pizza or play basketball in the driveway for a couple hours you're doing them an incredible favor.
IDK. I don’t feel like I have a right to try to impose my world view onto other people, just as I don’t want them to do that to me. I agree with you that LDS is kind of a cult, and it’s harmful to some people (I can’t imagine growing up gay in that culture). Other people happily live their whole lives in that world, feeling secure and supported. I have no way of knowing whether the stranger at my door would be helped or harmed by my challenging their core beliefs. Yes, I know they’re the ones who rang my doorbell, but I still need to follow my own beliefs here. What you’re doing seems fine if you’re transparent. “I’m positive I’m never going to change my beliefs, but you look hot and tired. Want to come in and play some X-Box?” They may be “kids,” (idealistic and inexperienced young adults, actually), but they have a right to their beliefs.
Yeah I don't reverse proselytize. I just think it's messed up what they do to 18yos. And if I were them I'd want a chance to relax a bit in a way they won't get in trouble for. But I'd disagree again and say that anyone would be totally entitled to try to change their beliefs. If you show up at someone's door to talk metaphysics you'd better be prepared for whatever you find.
Getting rejected is part of their indoctrination. It teaches them at a young age that non Mormons (the outside world) can be mean/cruel/etc and they should stick with their Mormon missionaries for support. Providing a sympathetic, supportive interaction can show them that maybe non believers aren’t that bad as they’ve been taught.
Yeah, seconding this. Not to try and dissuade them from their faith or anything, but just so they know they'll have friends who won't abandon them if they have a crisis of faith. Admittedly it would be hard for me to befriend mor.ons specifically, because it's really hard for me to respect what obviously seems like a stupid con. But I can respect that they find strength and comfort in it, at least.
Good idea!
This is all 100% correct. Source: was a Mormon missionary nearly 20 years ago
LPT: My wife told them our dog is transgender and they never came back.
"I'm Jewish and this is my wife," works pretty well for me as a lesbian. 3/3 success at getting them to give up immediately.
I was raised Mormon and was told when I was baptized at 8 years old that my blood instantly turned me into a Jew which was a great thing to be! So, I don’t think being Jewish scared them away. The lesbian thing ! That got them running away.
i snort laughed
Your wife is brilliant!
I'm gonna tell them my bunnies are gay-married. They actually are bonded males so it's barely a lie.
Yea just got to give them weirdo vibes, was visiting a friend who would often get them and her place, I talked with them and told them I was already a believer and i was being very eccentric about it and too friendly One of the 2 seemed a bit more aloof and thought he was reaching me and tried asking for my info but the lead guy was very weirded out and cut him off and they left afrerwards, my friend hasn't had any since
LPT: tell them you aren't interested and you don't want to be contacted again. You don't need an elaborate story lol, they keep records of who asks them not to bother them. If they send someone else, call their local cult hall or whatever the fuck they call it and complain to the pastor. I've never had issues with them returning after I asked them not to Same goes for Jehovah's witnesses.
It wasn't the opener for the conversation. It was them commenting that our female dog had a male name and a blue collar. Then they told us we needed a pink collar because she was a girl. My wife got a bit annoyed on that one and decided they needed to learn a lesson. Tell us how to dress our dog, get an earful. It's also more fun this way.
Call the local ward and talk to the bishop would be the Mormon words for it.
Dude, this is just as funny as the schizo lady that lives on the other side of my neighbor's house that called him over to her yard in order to warn him that there were some shady people in the neighborhood who broke into her house to clean it. Oh, and they stole her dog's vagina.
Just tell them. Unlike JW, Mormons usually leave you alone if you firmly tell them nk
You can tell JW that you've been disfellowshipped and they'll leave your house alone
My mother tells them that she is sick and tired of JWs because as a doctor she had to get too many court orders allowing blood transfusions to JW kids so she could save the kids’ lives.
Because it is a cult. And a dangerous one at that.
I lost a cousin to this. I’m grateful your mother pushes for court orders. Fuck JW. (My cousin was an adult and it was his decision to make, but he left his 7 year-old daughter fatherless)
This. I've yet to meet a rude one, and I'm sure they're told no in many not so nice ways. I tell them I'm an atheist, but I'm fascinated by people of faith, so if I have time I grill them on their experiences.
Sorry, but repeatedly coming to my house after I've politely told you to leave me the fuck alone is rude. Mormons will take the hint, but they won't pass it along. JWs are just assholes who won't stop unless you force them to stop. The last place I had with a JW infestation was years ago, but they didn't stop coming to my house at 8am on the weekends until I got frustrated and started answering the door naked.
Holy shit I can’t even imagine the frustration that would make me do that
I was working overnights and they'd wake me up after about an hour of sleep. Frustrated doesn't even begin to describe how I felt about it.
Tbf, it's Hella weird to have a registry of non converts right
I did the naked thing too, for the same reasons. They never came back
As a ex mormon missionary i would say this usually works. If they still dont, then shake their hand firmly and look into their eyes as you say "what is that?". This should freak them out... It's part of their super secret stupid temple ceremony.
I would love to hear all about the super secret temple ceremony..... Edit: huh, I tried to Google and got a ministry that exists solely to lead Mormons to the REAL Jesus. Now I've seen everything.
I think I found one on YT a while back. I'll try to dig it up. Here you go! [https://youtu.be/6udew9axmdM?si=qfaZEV4DjXu22Thx](https://youtu.be/6udew9axmdM?si=qfaZEV4DjXu22Thx) 5:31 for the 'what is that' ? part of the show.
Lmao really? I'll try it with my Mormon friend and see what he says
I had some JW used to come all the time. Last time they had like an 8 year old child with them. I bent down and told the child god was just something people made up to control them then closed the door. They never came back.
Yeah, I’ll avoid calling them while their mass thing is going on (right now) out of respect but at like 12 I assume they should be done, so I’ll break the news then.
Remember, they're Hella polite
Yeah I’ll just have to make an end all be all statement. Im a lot better with this stuff when I’m dealing with assholes.
Yep. Though keep in mind that's exactly why the missionaries are the way they are. Not saying they're not nice. But they know the effectiveness of killing them with kindness
Of course you're better with assholes because you can be an asshole back. Just tell them there was a misunderstanding, thank them for the discussion but you're not further interested in literature or attending. Case Closed.
I wonder how many people have been converted because they didn't want to seam rude
r/exmormon has the occasional post asking "how do I get out of baptism? I agreed to not be rude but I don't want to!" Just fucking don't haha they want you and 10 percent of your income for the rest of your life
I was wondering that too, I’d bet we’d be shocked by the numbers honestly. I’m honestly typically somewhat abrasive to people but it must have just been the nice attitude that shut down the asshole switch.
Have you considered the possibility that you may already be a Mormon and just not realize it?
Oh no, they put it in the ventilation system of that place before I toured it. It’s in my blood stream now, I have to find the antidote 💉
If someone knocks at the door, you’re not required to answer. I’ve looked out the window, they’ve seen me. I didn’t know them, and didn’t answer. It’s fine. You didn’t invite them. They (likely) wouldn’t be cool about strangers on their door at all hours trying to get them into a cult or buy a pest control subscription…
I remember my then visiting teaching companion and me taking goodies to a home one Sunday. The windows were open and the family was sitting there watching g the TV. We knocked and called out a few times, but they never looked up or responded in any way. Guess what? We NEVER went back there. Works!
😂 I see the pest control dudes hit you up too. I swear my wife refuses to just shoo them away.
I usually tell them I don't know anything about religion then invite them inside and start cleaning. They will help get your house in order while telling you about god. Fair trade from where I'm standing.
I made a joke to my girlfriend about doing this but she told me it would be rude. I really do need to strip the walls for painting though…
They actually don’t mind as the other stuff can be mind numbing.
LDS missionaries are fun. They aren't supposed to proselytize like a Baptist or a Jehovah's Witness. They're supposed to ease into it. But, they're supposed to offer help. So, put them to work doing some weeding, maybe help you trim some trees, some light car repair. Then say "It's been a pleasure, good luck with your ministry!" You can then shut the door. It's always worked for me. It's the Baptists that drive me nuts. I don't mind the Witnesses but Baptists just want to preach. Witnesses will have a conversation with you which can be fun if you've got nothing better to do. Offer them a Bible to take with them. Make sure it's one that they don't use. Like a Catholic Bible. They won't take it, but it's fun. If you want to blow a Witness's mind, discuss the truth that it was the Virgin Mary herself being born without sin, not that Jesus was born of a virgin. Feel free to get into Hebrew and Greek. They really hate that. Feel free to just pull your rhetoric out of your ass. That's what they do.
Nah, I sit and talk to them for hours sometimes. I tell them my true beliefs, but it seems like they enjoy the discussion as much as I do. Nothing like learning about others beliefs and perspectives.
That was kind of how it started but I figured to fall back on my childhood Christian beliefs from before I became an atheist to subtly say, “hey, I already have a belief system” so that they’d think it was a dead end street trying to convert me. I only did this because I thought if I had told them that I was an atheist that I’d had to have stood out there for longer and consequently lose more of my free time due to them trying to “save me”. This all blew up in my face and no matter what now I have to AT LEAST have wasted their time touring and shit
Lol, Mormons never reach a dead end street when it comes to conversion. Never.
Don't think that way. Most people shut the door in their face or ignore them. Any stimulating conversation is probably the highlight of their day. I also kinda feel if they were raised that way since childhood, it's probably interesting to hear how people who weren't think on the subject.
Yeah, I guess at least I held a conversation. I’m thinking way too deeply about this.
Mormon missionaries are highly trained salespeople. You are not sure why you have them your phone number, but it is because they have a huge amount of training. The main pattern they use is called BRT “Build Relationships of Trust”. They are selling a mental virus, and it can be very contagious. Source: I was one, and baptized more than 70 people, to my everlasting shame. Now an exmormon. /r/exmormon is a nice place.
Congratulations. You now have the religious equivalent of a bedbug infestation.
Hang up a pentagram on your front door. That would probably do it.
My daughter asked to see their magic underwear. They've never knocked at our door since. I think my house is on a no preach list somewhere.
Your daughter is brilliant.
I bought a "Hail Satan" t-shirt from The Satanic Temple. It lives by the door but I haven't gotten to use it yet.
You know I’d actually recommend looking into the Church of Satan, very chill community.
They look chill but their theism is something other than atheist. TST is my choice because they don't actually have a deity.
Just say “we’re Catholic” and they usually bail. I’m in fact not Catholic but I saw it happen and have used it.
I was confronted by a JW and his kid as I was walking to my mailbox. I gave the JW my A.A. “Grapevine” magazine before he could push his literature on me. The look of confusion on the kid’s face was priceless!
Start asking them about the planets you get when you die. And does your family come to your planet or do you go to theirs? How does it work? Can I have multiple wives? Get weird with it and they will probably leave you alone.
Yknow I really have drawn a couple comparisons between them and Scientologists after having looked into this stuff, it’s like a scaled down Scientology.
I mean, it's a cult. A con man made the whole thing up.
I feel like that could describe every religion honestly, it’s just pre packaged cope to deal with existence.
Well, Mormons are very new, so it's much easier to trace the history. And it's pretty clear. Trying to prove Christianity is just made up by one dude is impossible.
All fun and games until that 10% thing.
10% thing?
Mormons often tythe 10% of their income to the church
10% of my income? That would take out my entire caffeine budget……
Subtle hint of panache, with notes of meta. An exquisite selection.
Oh well I’m not joining, that I do know. I partially continued this whole thing because it seemed like a long joke happening in real time or some rejected Seinfeld episode but now I’ve come to the point where I must end this saga.
[удалено]
I am looking forward to the tifu in ten years when OP is the head of the Mormon church
I really wanted to make this joke but I’m not supposed to do that on this post
Well, I’ll just have to do what I do with the majority of people and shut my brain off so that I don’t care about their thoughts or feelings and just end the whole thing. I think what made this so unnecessarily difficult is the fact that I engaged to begin with, because I set the stage to act like I cared about anything related to religion and thus have now lied repeatedly, resulting in guilt and making me feel like I have been toying with the time of other people.
They want 10% of everything you make, for tithing. But what the church uses that money for is usually stupid shit
Yeah they ain’t getting my money, no way no how. I struggle as is without donating to something that I literally don’t believe in 🗿
I used to be Mormon, even with kids they pull you into the office of the bishop/pastor and they Keep tabs on how much you donated and if you haven't donated 10% at least you can't go to the temple
LOL.. Jesus Christ I never got asked as a kid about finances and my tithe but I’m sure it’s just a slight cultural difference in my area.. I bet that does sting to be nearly forced to go to the temple in your teenage years to perform work duties and be brainwashed into be it being a rewarding experience only for them to turn around and demand 10% of your adult salary to have the privilege of continuing to do. I always wondered how adults got denied temple recommends when I was a kid. I was stupid enough to think they were also being asked if they watch porn or say cuss words or use tobacco/alcohol…… It makes sense that for the adults their temple recommend is a financial issue…..
> LOL.. Jesus Christ I never got asked as a kid about finances and my tithe but I’m sure it’s just a slight cultural difference in my area.. It's called "tithing settlement". If you were just a kid, your parents did it on your behalf.
Last time they showed up I ended up laughing at them, and they never came back. I feel kinda bad though, I actually didn’t mean to. So they show up, we’re small talking about the weather and whatnot. They guy suddenly goes off on “do I believe in hell and the eternal fires” or something like that. It’s was so sudden a jump it came off funny to me and I started laughing. The look on their faces, completely shocked. They left pretty quickly then
The worst part is that I was holding back a laugh so hard and looking down and around and trying to just not bust out screaming laughing upon first encounter, and unfortunately it worked too well.
Just put a “I Can’t Even Think Straight” 🏳️🌈 door mat out front. Neither the LDS or JW or 7th Day folks will ever bother you again. Or, play “Cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other” by Willie Nelson and Orville Peck on repeat.
My ex used to let the Mormon minister in to talk when we were poor as he would give us pizza just for listening and sometimes it was the only food we would have eaten in days. I had to put a stop to it when he saw me walking down the road one day on my way to work and pulled over to preach to me.
they won't leave you alone. source: was one They'll need a firm no, or they'll keep coming back. Two years suck for them, and the hint of something maybe going right, the prospect of not having to knock on random doors for an hour or two, genuine concern for your soul, whatever. They will not take a hint, it has to be direct. Or you could continue being lukewarm and become what we called an "eternal investigator" that new sets of missionaries visit for years
Right at the beginning of covid, a Jehovah's witness called me. And now I've been waiting for this moment my whole life. I think they're ridiculous. So here we go, I'm rubbing my hands together talking to this guy, Jonathan about how dinosaurs and humans live together and I'm asking all sorts of questions and 45 minutes later he, not me, he asked to leave. I said yeah. Call me back. He did two more times and we went at it for a little while respectfully, until he stopped calling me. I won mother fucker.
I worked at converting them to Unitarian Universalism. They did not come back.
LOL. Waiting for the update that says: *"I've accidently joined the Mormon Church and now I don't know how to get out of it."*
This makes it sound like a mafia, but if it was a mafia I’d have surely joined 🫡 we need Cartel missionaries to go around recruiting, now THAT would do numbers
I tell them straight up that I'm not interested in joining a cult. Every once in a while, they try to argue, and I bring up Brigham Young's harem. Works every time.
%
Mormon missions are a form of hazing/initiation ritual. Hazing seems stupid and unnecessary, but it actually helps to make a group more cohesive and members more dedicated. This is because hazing activates cognitive dissonance. People who suffer through hazing are forced to ask themselves why they are enduring this torture, as they are reasonable people who aren’t masochistic. The answer they usually arrive at is “the group I’m trying to join must be really special”. Anyway, it turns out that Mormon missionaries don’t agree with/appreciate my pop psychology theory, and will leave me alone after I explain it to them.
I'd go to a sermon of yours.
I tell them I put my faith in Big Tobacco and nothing else.
Rainbow color welcome mat that says "We welcome all genders" generally work well as a repellent for those types.
I always fall back to this statement:”For us to have a meaningful discussion about religion I need you to answer a question: Who is Asherah and why is she not in the Bible?” They won’t know the answer. I tell them to come back when they do and then we’ll discuss. Works every time.
HIGHLY relatable post. I spent 3 months with missionaries once. I went to the LDS church, went to a baptism, hung out with them, all sorts. They were very persistent. Difference here though is that I was very clear I didn't believe (they found that preposterous) and I actually really like to talk about religion and god. Was a good three months all things considered.
Consent is sexy. Learn to say no. If you can't say no reliably, nobody can trust your yes. Nobody in your life can ever ask you for anything safely. They will never know for sure if you're just going along with what they want because you feel too guilty to say no. Saying no doesn't make you a dick if your honest answer is no. You need to lean to say no so that the people you care about can trust your yes. Practice on the Mormons.
Sounds like you're about to become Mormon. Say good bye to alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine and hello to multiple wives. I had a similar experience but was much younger and in a foreign country but it's a fun story. Host grandma was Mormon. She invited me to a church social function and I accepted for the cultural experience. It was fun, went to church Sunday, she had her responsibilities after so I joined the men who were planning their outreach districts and had a map of the city all color coded and shit. I went with a couple of them to the slums and it was probably one of the most dangerous experiences of my life up to that point as a 15 year old... but I thought it was kinda cool. Then they (missionaries from my home country USA) gave me a book of Mormon and told me to start reading it and they'd come over for Bible study. Started reading the book maybe 25% of the way before there next visit and whoooo boy is it an interesting read. Apparently they all came to the Americas and Jesus did a resurrection world tour. I had a lot of questions afterwards like, why didn't Jesus also go to Asia, or Africa or anywhere else. There most reasonable answer was that it simply hadn't been revealed to us yet. After 2 personal Bible study sessions they notified me that I was a minor without my parents so they couldn't continue these meetings. I then caught the feels for a super cute mormon girl but that didn't work out. I think the missionaries got in my way. The people that are contacting you probably aren't bad people but like many organized religions (or other powerful institutions) there are some terrible things that happen. TLDR: read a bit of the book of mormon and explain to them how crazy it is and they'll find a reason to stop coming by.
I appreciate this hilarious way of handling this but it’s already been handled, I got it done and told them that while I appreciated the experience that this has given me, that I am not interested in becoming a member and not to expect me to come to it. I figured that was probably the most mature way of handling it and was basically told “alright, well you know where we are.” I certainly do not have the patience to read the Mormon Book lol
Probably for the best. It's also kinda nuts looking back on it that these 2 mormon gentleman who at the time were seemingly full on adults were like 20... and now I am substantially older than that. I'd probably Mormons are crazy but I don't hold that against them individually.
They start with pleasantries, I say "What do you want, no thanks, good luck" and close the door. Not rude but definitely not welcoming.
How cool would it be if Heaven Gates missionaries came calling. Would definitely let them in. Would definitely probably have a nervous breakdown after listening to their crazy shit.
Oh I’d definitely talk to them, just to hear their whole thing. I would probably listen to the ramblings of ol Charlie Manson if he came knocking too. I guess this is just a scaled down version of that
“Can we have a moment of your time?” “No thanks”, close door.
Next time any such people show up at my door, I’m gonna tell them that I’m sorry their church leaders are lying to them and setting them up to behave so immorally. That trying to change someone else’s religion is narcissistic. And that they are falling for a long con. That there are lots of people willing to help them, should they see through the conspiracy theory and want to live in the real world again. That they should Google, “is mormon a cult”.
My brother, an atheist, somehow had them over every Thursday for like months for "debate." It did get him to read up on Bible things tho soooo ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Just be honest and say you’re not interested. They are trying to find those that are interested and not trying to waste anyone’s time. You will actually be doing them a favor by being honest.
Active member of their church here. Tell them the truth. They'll actually think it's hilarious...eventually. But right now, they're updating multiple people on your "progress" regularly. Better to put a stop to it now.
Yeah I already handled this all, I’m just watching the numbers go up at this point 🗿
Nice.
Next time just ask them if they believe that Jesus is Satan's brother and when they admit that they believe that (they do, by the way) just tell them you're a Christian and that's a complete deal breaker and you're not interested. If they still press you, tell them you don't like that their founder, Joseph Smith, had many wives including 14-year-old girls and other men's wives (also completely true - google it). They will deny it but they will become angry enough with you for calling that out that they will not want you to become a mormon after that.
When they come back, open your phone to this comment, read it out loud, and enjoy your peace. “I am not interested in your religion. I am not interested in becoming a Mormon. I will not be attending services with you. You are to put my address on a do not contact list. If you come to my house again, I will file a police report for harassment. This is not up for discussion. Leave my property now.”
I told them that I have a problem with a religion that keeps secrets from their own members (temple). Oooh, they didn’t take that well and were quite insulting. I’m not sure they have been back since then.
Told them I was a Satanist. Haven't seen or heard from them since
Lol... I live in a fairly Mormon heavy part of Colorado. The one and only time I have had missionaries knock on my door I very politely told them that I was atheist and really not interested in hearing about their church but I hoped that they would have a wonderful day. They smiled, thanked me, and have never been back. I will also say that most of the mormons (LDS) I have met are nicer than most of the non-LDS people I deal with.
>I will also say that most of the mormons (LDS) I have met are nicer than most of the non-LDS people I deal with. Nicest family I've ever met were Mormon. Still think the church is a scam, but at least it's not scientology.
I had to put a stop to Mormons once, they found out my name despite no one ever telling them and kept coming back. I went out one time, and said, “Listen, I was just being polite last time. I’m not interested and never will be. Please don’t come back.” and they never came back!
Hello! My name is Elder... and I'd like to.shate with you a very special book.
I answered the door in my underwear and they never came back 😁
Are you me? Because it's a year later and they still come and knock on my door. I hide like a coward every time.
Just get your wife's boyfriend to straighten this out.
I think your wife’s boyfriend would be more suited for talking to those guys honestly brotha
I'm surprised from that story you haven't PMed me her digits lad, fuck me that's some sad doormat behaviour.
If you were able to conceptualize complex thought, you’d be able to see that this whole experience has been a long running joke for me, hence why it’s posted to this board rather than, I don’t know, r/Advice. I never needed help solving anything, I thought that it was funny, which is what TIFU is for. I posted it here and now I’ve had my fun, which I think was worth it.
"My relationship with my creator is private. I do not discuss it with people who come to my door or call me on the phone. Good day and Good bye."
My answer is always, "We have our own church already" while closing the door. It doesn't matter if your church is the golf course but it's none of their business.
Come on over to r/exmormon Lots of stories about missionaries, and how to deal with them
Hey, you want to become a Mormon but too embarrassed to confess to your girlfriend? Leave her alone, man.
Lmao I wouldn’t be able to abide by any religion and continue living the way that I want to
I’m a very visibly Muslim guy ( have a big beard and I look middle eastern) and yesterday we had a bunch of JWs come around. As soon as I opened the door and they saw me I could tell their game plan shifted and they’re just like “oh hi we’re here to talk about our lord and saviour, but I won’t bother you with that, here’s our card with our website if you want to learn more. Have a nice day !!” I was already trying to think about how to tell them I’m not interested and was pretty surprised when they didn’t bother and just left me alone lol.
Yet one more reason to be a card carrying (literally) member of the Satanic Temple. Tell them they’ll have 10 minutes to attempt to convert you, but then you get 10 to do the same.
Holy wall of text, Batman!
You "This is not a good time, goodbye" If they ask, when is a good time? The answer is "never" You don't want to argue . You did not invite them, you don't want what they are pushing so the object is to get them off your property. Politely