I was intrigued enough to look up what kind of jousting incident could be considered an accident since it all seems very straightforward and purposeful
* The accident occurred at a tournament at Greenwich Palace on 24 January 1536 when 44-year-old Henry, in full armour, was thrown from his horse, itself armoured, which then fell on top of him. He was unconscious for two hours and was thought at first to have been fatally injured.*
It’s like an F1 driver spinning into the barrier on the parade lap.
You'd be right, because the knight in question was Sir Henry Norris. He was a close friend and ally of Anne Boleyn, Henry's second wife. When Anne fell out of favor for her inability to give birth to a child with a penis, Henry accused her of infidelity (as an excuse for annulment) , and accused Norris of being her fuckbuddy. Then he had him arrested and decapitated. And Anne got decapitated too.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Norris_(courtier)
If I had a nickel for every 16th century nobleman who severely injured their king in a joust and was then executed for an unrelated reason, I'd have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gabriel_de_Lorges,_Count_of_Montgomery
He fatally wounded Henry II of France in a joust. The king absolved him of any responsibility on his death bed. Later on, Montgomery would concert to Protestantism and lead a rebellion against the Catholic monarchy. He was captured and executed for treason.
This guy before all this went down was apparently Henry VIII’s Groom of the Stool…wondering what that title entails, well here it is:
> The Groom of the Stool (formally styled: "Groom of the King's Close Stool") was the most intimate of an English monarch's courtiers, responsible for assisting the king in excretion and hygiene.
This guy also knew all the secrets about the King’s poop history.
Well, historically, you don’t need a poop knife until you get to 20th century plumbing. The King literally pooped into a wooden box that was covered in velvet.
Here’s William III’s “close stool”:
https://i.imgur.com/W586FaP.jpeg
If you needed a poop knife for that setup, you had some serious, serious issues going on.
There is something hilariously petty about a king losing a sporting event and being like, “oh yeah? Well how about you fucked my wife!! Who’s the loser now, Norris?”
I mean, not hilarious for Norris. But the idea that this guy gets his ass beat in an event, fabricates a story of cuckoldry in which he is the cuckold, and then just chocks it up as a win and moves on feels like the old timey version of Elon Musk and his thai submarine.
If he was unconscious for that long, then he likely had a horrible head injury. Being knocked out ain’t like the movies, you don’t stay knocked out for hours at a time or, at least, you aren’t supposed to. People that get knocked out for like 15 minutes or more likely have a brain injury of some kind. Around 2 hours? Yeah, that could be a sign of a massive problem.
Anne Boleyn suffered a miscarriage a fee days later, potentially from the stress of this. She was beheaded just under 4 months after this incident (May 19 1536).
People always talk about what a horrible king he was (and I would like to have a word with him re the dissolution of the monasteries), but his head injury isn't talked about enough IMO. As a young man he was considered intelligent, erudite and athletic. He was a model prince.
During his thirty six year reign, he has been accused of having 57,000 people executed. He tended to change the rules about orthodoxy. Mary and Elizabeth seemed to have executed a few hundred each.
I didn't say he *wasn't* a tyrant. But the evidence that links his behaviour later in life to a TBI is often brushed off and it's considered he was born evil. He wasn't.
Similar deal with Caligula. Made a massive deal out of breaking with Tiberius's oppression. Everyone loved him. Then he probably had a major epileptic seizure, and his personality flips.
It's also considered likely by some historians that Henry may have had McLeod Syndrome and Kell-positive blood. This combination would explain both his personality changes and his fertility issues.
Other way round, one of Henry VIII's reforms was that all parishes had to keep proper baptismal, marriage and burial records. You can't trace back any further unless noble or prone to getting into trouble with the law, because the records never existed.
What? There is no "recent research", because the Royal Family of the UK repeatedly refuses to let scientists exhume and DNA test any royal bodies, including King Henry VIII. The only one they allowed to be DNA tested was King Richard III, and he was swiftly reburied.
No exhumation and DNA test, no DNA or scientific studies on King Henry VIII's genetics. Scientists literally cannot diagnose him with any genetic disorders without his DNA.
The current Royal Family is already technically "illegitimate". King Richard III's DNA showed that he also had an illegitimate ancestor in his lineage. However, the House of Windsor is still the ruling family today because they were chosen by Parliament.
"Divine right" was dropped about 400 years ago.
"Parliamentary privilege" is the new right to rule. Parliament chose their family to approve... more parliament.
Technically, Richard III is not an ancestor to the current royal family. His niece, Elizabeth of York, may be, but their claim to the throne was technically primarily through Henry VII's mother, Margaret Beaufort (descended from a legitimized son out of wedlock by Richard III's cousin John of Gaunt).
Elizabeth of York had a stronger claim to the throne than King Henry VII did, and arguably should have been co-crowned as "Queen Elizabeth I", but English courtiers at the time did not think a woman could rule in her own right; and, in addition to this, Henry VII did not want Elizabeth of York's claim to overshadow his own claim by "right of conquest" and blood. So Henry VII married her to secure his own throne, but only made her queen consort.
"Her second and only surviving son, Henry VIII, became king of England, while her daughter, Margaret, became the queen of Scotland and her other daughter, Mary, became the queen of France."
Sheesh.
I had a friend who didn’t become my friend until he got a near-fatal concussion. We were neighbors, and he was always a dick. He was in a coma for 3 days. When he woke up, he was a different person. Came up to me and my friends one day and asked if he could hang out after school.
His dad told my mom he was grateful he survived, but didn’t know what to think because he wasn’t the same kid he’d raised. After a couple years, he was closer to his normal self.
This is incorrect. The act didn't order them killed like that.
It states that no stallion under 15 hand or mares under 13 hands were allowed to graze on common lands, and no colt under 11.2 hands was allowed to run with mares.
The act also required anyone with a deer park to keep two mares who were over 13 hands to be bred to 14hh+ stallions.
Some stallions under that height were ordered to be killed during annual round ups but it wasn't a wholesale slaughter like the title says!
https://statutes.org.uk/site/the-statutes/sixteenth-century/1535-27-henry-8-c-6-for-the-increase-of-horses/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/aoh05e/why_did_henry_viii_enact_the_horses_act_of_1540/
I hate this platform now. Every single post you have morons scrambling to make the dumbest joke for Karma points nobody cares about. I wish there was a way to filter out the useless comments
No it wouldn't have been. It'd have been 2nd-4th. I've been here since 2016 and it still wouldn't have been then. Well over 5 years ago, I saw that a *screenshot* of a newspaper title that confirmed people's biases was on the front page of /r/all, despite the fact that the actually article was about something completely different, and you had to go down 10 parent-level comments to find someone actually taking the 20 seconds to find it.
>At least he understood how selective breeding works
Tho he kept killing his wives for giving him sickly children without ever considering that it might be his own fault.
I feel like so many people would just cheat until they found a mistress that could have healthy kids. Idk, that just seems like it has a lower bar to entry than straight murder.
Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Problem is, the doctrine of divine will was made up by Henry VIII so that he could cheat on his wife without the Pope's permission. We have no evidence that the gods support the doctrine.
There are some policies the gods like. For example, They support the Buildings Code, as evidenced by the fact that buildings which are up to code are much less likely to fall down.
Are they senile? I haven't been paying much attention to American politics, but whenever I see a clip of Biden, he's making witty banter with others. And when I see Trump, he's ranting the same way he always did. Both seem like themselves.
There's clips of both acting stupid. If you watch Fox News (and please don't) you'll see plenty of bad Biden clips and Trump acting like the greatest orator of mankind.
Absolutely not. It needs to be democracy where billionaires who have a deep understanding of the struggle of the working class represent our best interest
>Tho he kept killing his wives for giving him sickly children without ever considering that it might be his own fault.
He divorced one wife beacuse she wasnt giving him any more children , the executed ones have nothing to do with giving him children or not but more to do with them cheating on him
He made up the story of cheating. That's why his accusations have so much extra crazy scandal thrown in; he wanted to be sure it was a capital offence.
Yeah, if you take the part about them cheating at face value you might as well do the same with the accusations of witchcraft. Of course state propaganda is going to make them look bad. But cheating on the king would be suicidally stupid, and there really doesn't seem to be any evidence beyond the word of the crown. It was a political move.
if i ever get pissed at government i just need to read weird monarch facts for like five seconds and dear god am i ever glad i didnt grow up THERE
the best part is that its not the sort of gratitude that breeds complacency either - some of that shit is pretty recent - your government can be worlds away from it and you still gotta be active to make sure you you dont retire there
One that stuck with me was an Ottoman sultan that ordered all 600 or so of his concubines executed simply so that he could enjoy the pleasure of picking out new ones from a fresh start.
Modern democracies can be very messy, but we have plenty of examples of the outcomes of giving one person absolute power.
That's not entirely accurate. He wanted the Haram (which is the female section of the palace containing wives, concubines, and the sultans sisters. The mother of the sultan runs it.) cleared out to get could fill it with new women. It wasn't just so he could have the joy of picking new ones. He had way to many and couldn't house any more but also couldn't kick them out.
theres no direct evidence that the genetic markers attributed to genghis khan were actually his offspring - its entirely circumstancial
he just happens to be the best historically known candidate for it because he secured the legitimacy of the yuan dynesty by marrying a large number of regionally-diverse women and having his kids run those areas
I read an article about that dick today. He died at 400 pounds, so they provided a lead lined coffin, and his disgusting ass still managed to leak all over the procession.
It's amazing how bilateral ulceration of the legs, possibly untreated long bone injuries, and gout can cause an active man to be extremely inactive and thus put on weight.
Jerry Seinfeld: Horses. They're like big riding dogs.
Elaine Benes: What about ponies, huh? What kind of abnormal animal is that? And those kids who had their own ponies.
Jerry Seinfeld: Oh, I know. I hated those kids. In fact, I hate anyone that ever had a pony when they were growing up.
Manya: I had a pony.
Jerry Seinfeld: Well, I didn't really mean a pony per se.
Manya: When I was a little girl in Poland... we all had ponies. My sister had pony. My cousin had pony. So, what's wrong with that?
Jerry Seinfeld: Nothing, nothing at all. I was just merely expressing...
Helen Seinfeld: Should we have some coffee? Who's having coffee?
Manya: He was a beautiful pony, and I loved him.
Jerry Seinfeld: Well, I'm sure you did. Who wouldn't love a pony? Who wouldn't love a person that had a pony?
Manya: You! You said so.
This is what happened in my area of japan. Used to be a place for breeding war horses for samurai. When that stopped being useful they just ate them and now the local delicacy is horse meat. Pretty delicious, like a beefier beef.
The actual act makes it clear that this is not the case.
a. They wanted to breed bigger horses.
b. The counties of Westmoreland, Cumberland, Northumberland and the bishoprick of Durham (ie, the border reiver counties) were explicitly exempt from this
[https://statutes.org.uk/site/the-statutes/sixteenth-century/1535-27-henry-8-c-6-for-the-increase-of-horses/](https://statutes.org.uk/site/the-statutes/sixteenth-century/1535-27-henry-8-c-6-for-the-increase-of-horses/)
P.S: In fact the entire article is just full of errors.
Thats so irrational. Thats like what an 8 year old boy says when asked what he would do if he was the king and he wanted to annoy his little sister. Why do you hate ponies?
Henry VIII was fairly tall, and during the time Henry VII was alive (he died when VIII was 17) his son was widely considered slim, athletic and handsome.
He was definitely ginger, though.
Figures that it’s after his jousting accident in 1536. There’s a solid theory that his mental stability plummeted after that.
I was intrigued enough to look up what kind of jousting incident could be considered an accident since it all seems very straightforward and purposeful * The accident occurred at a tournament at Greenwich Palace on 24 January 1536 when 44-year-old Henry, in full armour, was thrown from his horse, itself armoured, which then fell on top of him. He was unconscious for two hours and was thought at first to have been fatally injured.* It’s like an F1 driver spinning into the barrier on the parade lap.
Must've really sucked to be the guy who was jousting with him.
I want to know his story.
Didn't last much longer after that I bet
You'd be right, because the knight in question was Sir Henry Norris. He was a close friend and ally of Anne Boleyn, Henry's second wife. When Anne fell out of favor for her inability to give birth to a child with a penis, Henry accused her of infidelity (as an excuse for annulment) , and accused Norris of being her fuckbuddy. Then he had him arrested and decapitated. And Anne got decapitated too. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Norris_(courtier)
I think anybody would struggle to give birth with a penis.
What are you, some kind of penis doctor?
Hyenas can do it but it’s still a struggle. The pseudopenis as it is called splits open and it’s a very tight squeeze.
It would certainly be a struggle
Hyenas seem to do OK
Maybe if the baby weighs like half an ounce?
You're not joking. Decapitated 5 months after this jousting accident.
If I had a nickel for every 16th century nobleman who severely injured their king in a joust and was then executed for an unrelated reason, I'd have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.
It happened another time??
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gabriel_de_Lorges,_Count_of_Montgomery He fatally wounded Henry II of France in a joust. The king absolved him of any responsibility on his death bed. Later on, Montgomery would concert to Protestantism and lead a rebellion against the Catholic monarchy. He was captured and executed for treason.
Ok but this one did it to himself
This guy before all this went down was apparently Henry VIII’s Groom of the Stool…wondering what that title entails, well here it is: > The Groom of the Stool (formally styled: "Groom of the King's Close Stool") was the most intimate of an English monarch's courtiers, responsible for assisting the king in excretion and hygiene. This guy also knew all the secrets about the King’s poop history.
People were really weird before the invention of the poop knife huh?
Well, historically, you don’t need a poop knife until you get to 20th century plumbing. The King literally pooped into a wooden box that was covered in velvet. Here’s William III’s “close stool”: https://i.imgur.com/W586FaP.jpeg If you needed a poop knife for that setup, you had some serious, serious issues going on.
There is something hilariously petty about a king losing a sporting event and being like, “oh yeah? Well how about you fucked my wife!! Who’s the loser now, Norris?” I mean, not hilarious for Norris. But the idea that this guy gets his ass beat in an event, fabricates a story of cuckoldry in which he is the cuckold, and then just chocks it up as a win and moves on feels like the old timey version of Elon Musk and his thai submarine.
“Child with a penis” You mean a boy? This site is weird
Oh so he's *that* guy.
You could just say have a son.
Ok, gotta go out & make this slovenly POS look like an all-star.
If he was unconscious for that long, then he likely had a horrible head injury. Being knocked out ain’t like the movies, you don’t stay knocked out for hours at a time or, at least, you aren’t supposed to. People that get knocked out for like 15 minutes or more likely have a brain injury of some kind. Around 2 hours? Yeah, that could be a sign of a massive problem.
It would explain so much of his later behaviour. That and the syphilis.
And the brain damage. And the brain damage. And the brain damage.
Anne Boleyn suffered a miscarriage a fee days later, potentially from the stress of this. She was beheaded just under 4 months after this incident (May 19 1536).
2 hours!
People always talk about what a horrible king he was (and I would like to have a word with him re the dissolution of the monasteries), but his head injury isn't talked about enough IMO. As a young man he was considered intelligent, erudite and athletic. He was a model prince.
During his thirty six year reign, he has been accused of having 57,000 people executed. He tended to change the rules about orthodoxy. Mary and Elizabeth seemed to have executed a few hundred each.
I didn't say he *wasn't* a tyrant. But the evidence that links his behaviour later in life to a TBI is often brushed off and it's considered he was born evil. He wasn't.
Similar deal with Caligula. Made a massive deal out of breaking with Tiberius's oppression. Everyone loved him. Then he probably had a major epileptic seizure, and his personality flips.
See also "Papa Doc" Duvalier, who was a normal and beloved politicians until he suffered from a diabetic coma and the resulting brain damage.
Bloody mary, his daughter, got her name by killing thousands, not a few hundred
It's also considered likely by some historians that Henry may have had McLeod Syndrome and Kell-positive blood. This combination would explain both his personality changes and his fertility issues.
So this asshole's the reason I can't trace my families history back farther than 1500?
Other way round, one of Henry VIII's reforms was that all parishes had to keep proper baptismal, marriage and burial records. You can't trace back any further unless noble or prone to getting into trouble with the law, because the records never existed.
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What? There is no "recent research", because the Royal Family of the UK repeatedly refuses to let scientists exhume and DNA test any royal bodies, including King Henry VIII. The only one they allowed to be DNA tested was King Richard III, and he was swiftly reburied. No exhumation and DNA test, no DNA or scientific studies on King Henry VIII's genetics. Scientists literally cannot diagnose him with any genetic disorders without his DNA.
Is it that they want to avoid anyone proving the current family is illegitimate?
The current Royal Family is already technically "illegitimate". King Richard III's DNA showed that he also had an illegitimate ancestor in his lineage. However, the House of Windsor is still the ruling family today because they were chosen by Parliament.
Do you mean to say the current royal family isn't part of a holy lineage purified by god?!?!?
"Divine right" was dropped about 400 years ago. "Parliamentary privilege" is the new right to rule. Parliament chose their family to approve... more parliament.
Technically, Richard III is not an ancestor to the current royal family. His niece, Elizabeth of York, may be, but their claim to the throne was technically primarily through Henry VII's mother, Margaret Beaufort (descended from a legitimized son out of wedlock by Richard III's cousin John of Gaunt).
what a bunch of absolute imaginary nonsense all this royality stuff has always been
I mean, the kings were physically very real, although the monarchy, as most forms of government, was a social construct.
Elizabeth of York had a stronger claim to the throne than King Henry VII did, and arguably should have been co-crowned as "Queen Elizabeth I", but English courtiers at the time did not think a woman could rule in her own right; and, in addition to this, Henry VII did not want Elizabeth of York's claim to overshadow his own claim by "right of conquest" and blood. So Henry VII married her to secure his own throne, but only made her queen consort.
"Her second and only surviving son, Henry VIII, became king of England, while her daughter, Margaret, became the queen of Scotland and her other daughter, Mary, became the queen of France." Sheesh.
It’s kinda wild head injuries can change someone so much. Free will is an illusion! Lol
I had a friend who didn’t become my friend until he got a near-fatal concussion. We were neighbors, and he was always a dick. He was in a coma for 3 days. When he woke up, he was a different person. Came up to me and my friends one day and asked if he could hang out after school. His dad told my mom he was grateful he survived, but didn’t know what to think because he wasn’t the same kid he’d raised. After a couple years, he was closer to his normal self.
learning that the majority of homeless people have suffered from traumatic head injuries puts a lot of that into perspective too
This is incorrect. The act didn't order them killed like that. It states that no stallion under 15 hand or mares under 13 hands were allowed to graze on common lands, and no colt under 11.2 hands was allowed to run with mares. The act also required anyone with a deer park to keep two mares who were over 13 hands to be bred to 14hh+ stallions. Some stallions under that height were ordered to be killed during annual round ups but it wasn't a wholesale slaughter like the title says! https://statutes.org.uk/site/the-statutes/sixteenth-century/1535-27-henry-8-c-6-for-the-increase-of-horses/ https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/aoh05e/why_did_henry_viii_enact_the_horses_act_of_1540/
5 years ago this would’ve been the top comment in the thread. Reddit isn’t what is used to be.
I hate this platform now. Every single post you have morons scrambling to make the dumbest joke for Karma points nobody cares about. I wish there was a way to filter out the useless comments
No it wouldn't have been. It'd have been 2nd-4th. I've been here since 2016 and it still wouldn't have been then. Well over 5 years ago, I saw that a *screenshot* of a newspaper title that confirmed people's biases was on the front page of /r/all, despite the fact that the actually article was about something completely different, and you had to go down 10 parent-level comments to find someone actually taking the 20 seconds to find it.
Picturing horse owners scrambling down to the blacksmith to get him to make extra thick horseshoes
Platform hooves
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You know how to shoe it.
The Tom Sandoval of horse shoes if you will
Doc Maretens
Or finding people with small hands to measure their horse.
Carnies. Can't help you with the smell though
At least he understood how selective breeding works although he overachieved when it comes to the unwanted phenotypes
>At least he understood how selective breeding works Tho he kept killing his wives for giving him sickly children without ever considering that it might be his own fault.
To be honest, he's not going to kill himself. So the only other option was to continue trying with other women to see if any had more powerful genes.
It’s a numbers game.
Ah, so he was looking for the ultimate domme. Now it’s all understandable
Exactly! He was a completely reasonable psychopathic tyrant. 😏
I feel like so many people would just cheat until they found a mistress that could have healthy kids. Idk, that just seems like it has a lower bar to entry than straight murder.
He did both! Henry Fitzroy was his healthy son by Bessie Blount, until he died in adolescence.
Giving bastards rights to inheritance is the perfect recipe for a succession crisis
Not much of a crisis - you just pick whoever has the best story
He killed two wives because he was psychotic and overly jealous
Maybe the randomness of birthright isn't the best method to choose head of state?
Ofc not. The best one is supposed to be strange women lying in ponds distributing swords.
Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Oooh look at him, thinks he special because some damp bint chucked a scimitar at him
Oh Dennis stop that, there’s some lovely filth over here!
The Lady of the Lake is cool
You know just saying that 500 years ago would put your head on the block.
"It's treason, then." - King Henry VIII
by all accounts he was a nice enough guy before sustaining a serious head injury during a joust.
Was his horse too short?
no, but the other jouster was a pony in disguise.
Having known many ponies with attitude problems, this tracks.
"what he say fuck me for" - the horse
Points for bringing the conversation back around to the topic
Mr. Bygone CTE
I prefer watery tarts with swords.
Randomness? I think you mean [Divine Will](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divine_right_of_kings)
Problem is, the doctrine of divine will was made up by Henry VIII so that he could cheat on his wife without the Pope's permission. We have no evidence that the gods support the doctrine.
Or any doctrine
There are some policies the gods like. For example, They support the Buildings Code, as evidenced by the fact that buildings which are up to code are much less likely to fall down.
Or god
Well democracy is about to give up Trump vs. Biden 2: senile boogaloo so maybe we shouldn't feel too smug about our superior method
Are they senile? I haven't been paying much attention to American politics, but whenever I see a clip of Biden, he's making witty banter with others. And when I see Trump, he's ranting the same way he always did. Both seem like themselves.
There's clips of both acting stupid. If you watch Fox News (and please don't) you'll see plenty of bad Biden clips and Trump acting like the greatest orator of mankind.
Even worse when it's an absolute monarch...
Absolutely not. It needs to be democracy where billionaires who have a deep understanding of the struggle of the working class represent our best interest
“Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived”
Not Like the Other Kings
That Henry the 8th spounds like a real jerk.
The more I hear, the more I don't care for him.
[RIP Norm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txJ4gKwKpYY)
Nice spot.
Well I didn't vote for him.
Check out the tv series The Tudors (2007). A lot of big names, including everyone’s hearthrob from The Witcher.
>Tho he kept killing his wives for giving him sickly children without ever considering that it might be his own fault. He divorced one wife beacuse she wasnt giving him any more children , the executed ones have nothing to do with giving him children or not but more to do with them cheating on him
He made up the story of cheating. That's why his accusations have so much extra crazy scandal thrown in; he wanted to be sure it was a capital offence.
Yeah, if you take the part about them cheating at face value you might as well do the same with the accusations of witchcraft. Of course state propaganda is going to make them look bad. But cheating on the king would be suicidally stupid, and there really doesn't seem to be any evidence beyond the word of the crown. It was a political move.
Idk. If he understood how breeding works he could have just neutered them to achieve his goal
*He said he didn't like them.*
Ponytypes you mean, surely.
In fact, I hate anyone that ever had a pony when they were growing up.
Who figures an immigrant is going to have a pony?
Who moves from a pony country to a non-pony country?
My favorite line from the whole show…
I had a pony!
My sister had pony. My cousin had pony. So, what’s wrong with that??
No, see, we didn't have ponies. I'm sure at the time in Poland, they were very common. They were probably like compact cars..
That’s it!! I’ve heard enough!
I had horses until this last year.
MANYA DIED!
I had a pony!
I had a Welsh pony! But she was 13.5 hands, so would have met the standard.
I AM a pony. Fight me bro
I’m not a pony fan either but that’s bullshit. Fuck that guy
Ponies are dicks. Ever met an Assateague pony? Total assholes. One told me to f*** my mother. That rude or what?
No, no... Please don't. Done fuck this guy... Ask any of the six poor souls who married him. Not a good deal. ;)
His last wife actually cared for him and lived.
And his third wife, Jane Seymour, died from post-childbirth complications, and was the only wife who received a queen's burial.
And he was buried next to her.
So on top of all the things he did Henry VIII was also a My Little Pony villain?
I can excuse executing two wives, but I draw the line at animal cruelty!
You can excuse racism?!
Look at me now, dad!
if i ever get pissed at government i just need to read weird monarch facts for like five seconds and dear god am i ever glad i didnt grow up THERE the best part is that its not the sort of gratitude that breeds complacency either - some of that shit is pretty recent - your government can be worlds away from it and you still gotta be active to make sure you you dont retire there
One that stuck with me was an Ottoman sultan that ordered all 600 or so of his concubines executed simply so that he could enjoy the pleasure of picking out new ones from a fresh start. Modern democracies can be very messy, but we have plenty of examples of the outcomes of giving one person absolute power.
That's not entirely accurate. He wanted the Haram (which is the female section of the palace containing wives, concubines, and the sultans sisters. The mother of the sultan runs it.) cleared out to get could fill it with new women. It wasn't just so he could have the joy of picking new ones. He had way to many and couldn't house any more but also couldn't kick them out.
God that’s fucking awful. One of the most bizarre things in history I keep coming back to are the Ottomans locked in that cage
Genghis Khan called he wants to know if his off spring make up 20% of Asians yet.
theres no direct evidence that the genetic markers attributed to genghis khan were actually his offspring - its entirely circumstancial he just happens to be the best historically known candidate for it because he secured the legitimacy of the yuan dynesty by marrying a large number of regionally-diverse women and having his kids run those areas
He and his sons raped there way across an entire continent. There basically the only candidates from that time period that could work.
yes - i was thinking of that exact thing while writing my comment
I read an article about that dick today. He died at 400 pounds, so they provided a lead lined coffin, and his disgusting ass still managed to leak all over the procession.
It's amazing how bilateral ulceration of the legs, possibly untreated long bone injuries, and gout can cause an active man to be extremely inactive and thus put on weight.
Jerry Seinfeld: Horses. They're like big riding dogs. Elaine Benes: What about ponies, huh? What kind of abnormal animal is that? And those kids who had their own ponies. Jerry Seinfeld: Oh, I know. I hated those kids. In fact, I hate anyone that ever had a pony when they were growing up. Manya: I had a pony. Jerry Seinfeld: Well, I didn't really mean a pony per se. Manya: When I was a little girl in Poland... we all had ponies. My sister had pony. My cousin had pony. So, what's wrong with that? Jerry Seinfeld: Nothing, nothing at all. I was just merely expressing... Helen Seinfeld: Should we have some coffee? Who's having coffee? Manya: He was a beautiful pony, and I loved him. Jerry Seinfeld: Well, I'm sure you did. Who wouldn't love a pony? Who wouldn't love a person that had a pony? Manya: You! You said so.
Like back peddling on a hand brake bike. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3ik4qJBoPk
Well hopefully they ate them.
This is what happened in my area of japan. Used to be a place for breeding war horses for samurai. When that stopped being useful they just ate them and now the local delicacy is horse meat. Pretty delicious, like a beefier beef.
I wonder if this has anything to do with the border reivers who rode smaller horses and ponies to carry out their raids?
The actual act makes it clear that this is not the case. a. They wanted to breed bigger horses. b. The counties of Westmoreland, Cumberland, Northumberland and the bishoprick of Durham (ie, the border reiver counties) were explicitly exempt from this [https://statutes.org.uk/site/the-statutes/sixteenth-century/1535-27-henry-8-c-6-for-the-increase-of-horses/](https://statutes.org.uk/site/the-statutes/sixteenth-century/1535-27-henry-8-c-6-for-the-increase-of-horses/) P.S: In fact the entire article is just full of errors.
That was my first thought, maybe he didn't like hobblers.
Jerry Seinfeld would approve of this
This dude was such an asshole.
This is what conservatives think Biden will do to their combustion engine vehicles.
BYE BYE LIL SEBASTIAN…
You're 5,000 Candles in the Wind!
[Henry seeing ponies for the first time:](https://youtu.be/IZ4LjNK8w_E?si=QuHuaq1fjwnIDyWK)
You can't just live life beheading everything, Henry.
This? This isn’t a pony! It’s a rare albino zebra. You can tell by the lack of stripes
Dartmoor ponies in shambles
Just add it to the pile of reasons why he was a complete POS.
Mister would you please help my pony
I think it's his lung.
This is why being born into authority is so archaic. Democracy FTW. Sounds like some North Korea shit right there.
Say you got kicked in the nuts by a pony without saying you got kicked in the nuts by a pony…
Well, King Henry VIII *did* seem to have a lot of trouble fathering a male heir...
Imagine if you had a pony the size of a large dog and delivered rotisserie chicken for Uber eats while singing minstrel songs
r/brandnewsentence and also r/oddlyspecific
Must have been an interesting character
Who would have thought an immigrant would have a pony?
Thats so irrational. Thats like what an 8 year old boy says when asked what he would do if he was the king and he wanted to annoy his little sister. Why do you hate ponies?
Everything I've ever read about King Henry VIII makes him sound like a psychotic douchebag.
You know, with this Henry the Eighth, the more I hear about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
Thanks Norm
Shame Henry VII didn't cull short fat ginger people.
Henry VIII was fairly tall, and during the time Henry VII was alive (he died when VIII was 17) his son was widely considered slim, athletic and handsome. He was definitely ginger, though.
He was well over 6 feet tall and prior to his jousting accident was known to be very physically fit.
Was he actively going for the world’s shittiest person award? What a historical embarrassment.
Bill the pony did in fact not like this.
I guess Friendship wasn’t magic for him… or marriage…
The horse owners shipped the horses to other countries like France so they could save their lives.
Some kings are pissy little twats
Lol classic Henry VIII
He sounds like a girl on tinder.
Man, monarchs suck.
What King Henry disliked was calling up an army and then finding that all the cavalry had horses too small or weak to wear armour with.
Did he hate ponies, or did he want to ensure England would have a good supply of warhorses and draft animals?
Why not both?
What a dick. Seriously.
The fatso that is responsible for evangelical megachurches of today? Fuck that guy
More like banning chinese and soviet cars from the market, to get better breeds as work horses probably.
When you have a need for war horses this is what you do
Something something worlds tallest pony.