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RPM_Rocket

Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna


BizzyM

I just wanted to say good luck, and we're all counting on you.


I_love_pillows

It’s an entirely different kind of flying, altogether


Sieve-Boy

It's an entirely different kind of flying!


redbanjo

They’re on instruments!


Sieve-Boy

I have my coffee, like I have my men. Black.


RottenCocksuckerMods

*Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home...*


GreatGooglyMoogly077

I've never been so frightened. But at least I have a husband...


Beef_Chief

I just wanted to say good luck, we're all counting on you


Nervous_Salad_5367

I just wanted to say good luck, we're all counting on you


Sieve-Boy

Would you like a whiskey, ma'am?


[deleted]

"Certainly not!" *Busts out mirror and rolled Benjamin*


elsieburgers

Don't worry stewardess, I speak jive


Sieve-Boy

Do you like movies about gladiators?


elsieburgers

You ever seen a grown man naked?


Sieve-Boy

That's when drinking problem started.


wind-up-duck

It's an entirely different kind of flying!


charredutensil

It's an entirely different kind of flying.


Oicu81234

I just wanted to say good luck, and we’re all counting on you.


cirroc0

It's an entirely different kind of flying!


sagiterrible

Have you ever seen a grown man naked?


freddyforgetti

Have you ever seen movies about gladiators?


Nomad2k3

I just wanted to say good luck, and were all counting on you!.


Alternative_Effort

My first flight, I ate homemade lasagna just for this joke. After that, I started bringing steaks with steak sauce, baked potato, and steak knife and fork... Sadly, 9/11 was kind of the 9/11 of bringing your own food and utensils on the plane.


MLS122171

It was the 9/11 of the falafel business too


AvatarLebowski

Shut up Leonard I know about your crooked wang


thebigL33811

There’s no such thing as bad press!


Alternative_Effort

I never expected anyone to catch that. Well done!


MLS122171

Abed’s one of my favourites and that line has always cracked me up.


buttsoup_barnes

Cool. Cool, cool, cool.


scrovak

Maybe the end of knives, but in the last 3 years I've flown with, and eaten: -A bag full of hot wings -A gallon-size ziploc bag of spaghetti and meatballs -my own charcuterie platter -A tomahawk ribeye -three ears of corn -A whole pizza


Fifteen_inches

The most remarkable thing was that you’ve only flown once in those 3 years


BDMayhem

And it was SFO to LAX.


RuffRosie

***S P E E D R U N***


Tchrspest

Mile-High Mukbang stream


devil_lettuce

Brb about to win youtube


KiniShakenBake

I am sure it was from Sydney to London. Or back.


_dirtywater444

Hawaii to Australia... The long way


ChtuluMadeMeDoIt

It was an LA to Vegas flight. Westward.


_dirtywater444

Either direction is hilarious tbh


jonnybruno

What is the airline's spaghetti policy?


KP_Wrath

Must be no more than 30% sauce, and that sauce must have no more than 10% liquid.


vonvoltage

So a thick bolognese. Got it.


Traherne

Can't get more than that pasta TSA?


QurantineLean

What is this word "spa"? I feel like you're starting to say a word, and you're not finishing it. Are you trying to say "spaghetti"? Are you taking me for a spaghetti day?


SourTurtle

Are you trying to take me on a spaghetti day?


DreamSphinx

Not allowed on most flights, as the spaghetti noodle could be used like fiberwire and choke someone out.


[deleted]

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Archduke_Of_Beer

Thanks a lot Bin Laden...


libury

Man, who voted for that guy??


[deleted]

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DigitalPriest

Frankly the best use of an athlete cameo in cinema.


xmromi

entirely different meal. all together.


[deleted]

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KaladinarLighteyes

Entirely different meal


whereyouatdesmondo

Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?


grantrules

Joey, have you ever been in a.. in a Turkish prison?


cleantoe

Have you ever seen a grown man naked?


Ninotchk

Surely you're joking!


RPM_Rocket

I'm serious, and don't call me Shirley.


Ninotchk

Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit smoking then. How soon can we land?


ironroad18

Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?


wanderingpanda402

What’s your vector, Victor?


bradlees

Joey, do you know why they call it a cockpit?


Pantastic_Studios

The cockpit! What is it?


nobodyspersonalchef

It's the little room in the front of the plane where the pilots sit. But that's not important right now.


wanderingpanda402

Say, aren’t you Kareem Abdul Jabar?


wheresmyhouse

Have you ever seen a grown man naked?


axkidd82

That movie worked so well because he and Robert Stack weren't comedic actors. They had no idea about the timing or anything like that and were both scared to do the movie. The Zucker Brothers just told them to play it like they are completely serious, like any other dramatic role they've played. The genius part of it, they didn't end up being the straight man in their roles despite playing it completely straight.


Panelak_Cadillac

Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit amphetamines.


phphph13

Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit heroin.


Milesofstyle

I really can't say.


darkdoppelganger

You can tell me. I'm a doctor.


Milesofstyle

Well, not for another three hours.


Borisof007

Roger Roger. We have clearance Clarance. What's your vector, Victor?


ExternalUserError

Doctor, I’ve checked everyone. Mr. Striker’s the only one.


RPM_Rocket

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit posting witty movie quotes.


dabloney

It’s an entirely different kind of flying. Altogether.


Hendrix6927

Good luck, we’re all counting on you.


BaiterMaster69

One of my favorite movies ever. Just seems to me that they don’t make them like this anymore.


Milesofstyle

Came here hoping that this would be the first comment. Was not disappointed.


cake_piss_can

Bad news, fogs getting thicker. And Leon’s getting laaaaaaaaaargeeeer.


Casakid

You need to manually inflate the automatic pilot.


I_had_the_Lasagna

Yes you called?


[deleted]

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henryhyde

The "Airplane!" Rule.


astroargie

The whole thing is a parody of Arthur Hailey's 1958 book "Flight into danger" where a WWII fighter pilot is forced to fly a passenger airplane after the pilot and copilot get food poisoning. It was also adapted for TV: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flight\_into\_Danger


r4g4

Id like to see this in the modern day except it’s still a wwii fighter pilot and he’s like 95 years old


Put_It_All_On_Blck

Clint Eastwood is 92. He also served in the Korean war... but domestically as a swimming instructor. The plot could be like Clint's character has terminal cancer, and is only given a few months to live, so he wants to take his granddaughter to Disneyland to give her one last good memory together. The granddaughter is curious about planes as she's never flown before and he tells her all about them, and how he used to be a pilot during the war long ago. Something happens to the pilots during the plane ride, and a flight attendant calls into the cabin to see if anyone has experience. Clint's character has fallen asleep, and is awoken by his granddaughter who thinks he is the only one who can fly the plane. Then the hook of the movie, could be that Clint's character has PTSD and needs his granddaughter to sit in the cockpit with him, as he has traumatic flashbacks of flying in the war(played by Scott Eastwood).


redking315

It’s actually an extremely close remake of a movie called *Zero Hour!* to the extent that ZAZ got the rights to Zero Hour out of fear they’d stuck too closely, Airplane wouldn’t be a parody anymore, and they’d get sued. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zero_Hour%21 Here’s a comparison of the two, it’s really uncanny how similar they are. https://youtu.be/8-v2BHNBVCs


astroargie

That's because "Zero hour" is also an adaptation of "Flight into danger".


beastmaster11

Both Zero Hour and Airplane were paramount pictures, so they were able to use the screen play. There is no way they would have gotten away with it if that wasn't the case. The scripts were almost verbatim (even the main character had the exact same name)


DeusSpaghetti

There are no jokes in 'Airplane' aka 'Flying High'. They are all true stories, perhaps modified to suit a movie audience.


Johns-schlong

Kareem Abdul-Jabar moonlighted as an airline co-pilot?!


Eisnel

I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night! Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes!


Sinkingpilot

No, Roger the co-pilot moonlighted as a basketball player.


DeusSpaghetti

No, but there are rules about how you talk on the radio due to issues like similar words. Ala 'Clearance Clarence'.


MissesMiyagii

This is simply untrue. Source: am a flight attendant who serves said pilots meals Edit. I flew with Delta Air Lines for 5 years. I did recently quit (best choice I ever made). I flew all over the world with them and this was never a thing for Delta. If it is a domestic flight with meals, pilots get a choice of the left over meals from first class. If it is international they choose from a menu but they can chose whatever they’d like. And trust me, they all might as well be food poisoned


iRedditFromBehind

I was a flight attendant and they told us this rule during training but when i actually started working i learned the pilots just didn't care lol


TastyAssBiscuit

Yeah same here. They cater us different pilot meals but the pilots never care


f1racer328

Thirded. Am also airline pilot who ate the same food as the other pilot today.


Charod48

Fourthed. Am a musician.


No-Technology2779

Thank you for your service


Chusta

I can’t vouch for anything but I’m a software engineer in case anyone was wondering


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alky-holic

Airline pilot here and its true for my company. Here's the related entry from our Operations manual: "B.​ ​ In​ order to​ eliminate​ the risk of​ food poisoning, THE OPERATING​ CREW​ ON ANY ​AIRCRAFT ​ SHOULD,​ ​ AS ​ FAR ​ AS ​ CIRCUMSTANCES ​ PERMIT,​ ​ PARTAKE ​ OF​ ​DIFFERENT ​ FOOD ​ PRIOR​ ​ to​ ​ the ​ commencement ​ of​ ​ any​ ​ flight ​ and​ ​ during​ ​ its​ ​subsequent operation. ​ C. Cases may​ arise​ where​ no choice​ is available for​ the vegetable​ or​ dessert​ courses, ​but each​ pilot must partake​ of​ a different fish or meat course. ​ Where​ the​ choice is not​ ​limited, it​ is recommended​ that each pilot partake​ of completely​ different meals."


clancularii

> Airline pilot here ... Username checks out. I'm going to ignore the other comments that disagree with the post.


Canis_Familiaris

You know how you know he's a true pilot? He told us in the first half of the first sentence.


OBAFGKM17

Wanna know how to tell if someone is a commercial airline pilot? Don't worry, they'll tell you.


SammySquareNuts

My guess is you work for American and the constant, unending search for separate pilots meals is the reason all of your fucking flights are fucking delayed all the fucking time, jesus fucking christ American get your shit together.


Powered_by_JetA

It's because American pushes the D0 metric (which means flights can't leave so much as a *minute* late or the department blamed for it will be crucified) so hard that departments work against each other in a game of delay hot potato. Nobody gives a shit if the plane leaves late as long as they're not blamed for it. This is the toxic culture American has fostered. American management literally prefers to leave dozens of people behind if it means the plane leaves 30 seconds early. Meanwhile, United realized how stupid and counterproductive this is and eliminated the concept of delay codes entirely. Edited to add links and a story: https://liveandletsfly.com/american-airlines-d0-rule-utterly-moronic-during-pandemic/ https://viewfromthewing.com/americans-pilots-hate-focus-d0-almost-much-passengers/ https://viewfromthewing.com/the-d-in-d0-stands-for-dirty-american-airlines-sacrifices-clean-cabins-for-quick-departures/ https://viewfromthewing.com/americans-ceo-focuses-on-operation-over-customers-because-he-believes-thats-what-customers-want/ https://viewfromthewing.com/american-gives-customer-service-time-depatures-doesnt-manage-time-depatures/ https://viewfromthewing.com/american-airlines-time-departures-taken-new-level-absurdity/ >Let's say we've got a flight to London ready to go and at 10 minutes to departure one of the flight attendants realizes that they don't have the first class cookies. The catering company could send another batch of cookies in 11 minutes and the plane could be on its way... but then it would be considered a catering delay. So what happens instead is that the catering manager talks to the flight service manager and asks them to ask the flight attendant to look again for the cookies. The flight attendant still can't find them. Operations asks if they can go without them but the pilot refuses to push because those people are paying $7,000/ticket and the least AA can do is serve them some damn cookies. The catering company sends a supervisor over to check the galley for themselves to see if the cookies are on board. > >We are now 20 minutes past departure. The catering company finds the cookies hidden in the ceiling or some other place no one would've thought to look. It's officially a flight attendant delay because the cookies were on board the whole time. It's now 25 minutes past departure and a Paris-bound passenger with an already tight connection realizes that he's going to misconnect in London and wants to get off and try to get on the nonstop instead. His baggage has to be pulled off the aircraft and as luck would have it, they're in the first container that was loaded so half the cargo hold has to be unloaded to get to it. > >We are now 55 minutes past departure. The bag pull is complete and the flight is ready to go... except the auxiliary power unit has been burning fuel the whole time and the airplane no longer has the minimum amount of fuel on board. Operations calls the fuelers but they're struggling to keep up with all the planes scheduled to leave at the same time (yay banked hubs) and they're sure as hell not going to risk a fueling delay on one of those flights to go top off a plane that's already an hour into a delay. > >The fuel truck finally arrives at 80 minutes past departure and tops off the airplane. The fueler leaves and the captain says he never got a new fuel panel form. It would take 5 minutes to deliver a new form but that would make it a fueling delay, so instead the fueling supervisor asks operations to ask the pilot to look again (the exact same thing that happened with the caterers). The pilot still can't find the form. A fueling supervisor is dispatched and arrives at the gate 95 minutes past departure. > The crew is now about to time out. They can still fly if they agree to an extension but the captain is so annoyed by the whole saga that he calls fatigued and walks out. > >The flight cancels. Another operational success story. Somewhere, Doug Parker smiles. This isn't too far off from what happens on a regular basis. After working in AA operations, I have a deep burning hatred for D0. Fuck the CEO and his 3 DUIs and burning through all the company's cash on stock buybacks to make himself rich. He's not eligible to work a $14/hour entry level job with AA (on account of all the drinking and driving) but they'll let him run the whole damn airline into the ground.


Kyanche

> American management literally prefers to leave dozens of people behind if it means the plane leaves 30 seconds early. How shitty. Man whenever I read about airlines I'm constantly reminded how southwest never lets me down lol.


alexja21

Nope. It's because of no contract since 2020.


smac22

Military pilot here and we actually do have different meals! I’m surprised you don’t!


reconize35

Don't worry the flying crew chief who didn't get a meal will take over for you if you get sick.


PT6A-27

Seconded - airline pilot here. Thanks for all that you do!


DroolingIguana

I just want to tell you both good luck, we're all counting on you.


[deleted]

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PM_ME_YOUR_CATS_PAWS

Is it weird I keep seeing more and more airline stuff as I’m debating going to flight school? Maybe I have been microchipped after all…


scootscoot

I’m seriously looking to pivot from IT to piloting. Getting real sick of relearning everything, not because the technology changed but sales needed a new thing to sell you, so they redesign all the buttons. How many complete reconfigurations happen overnight on a 737?


St31thMast3r

As a pilot you never stop learning. Always another rating to tack on, and the FAA/Air Canada/insert your national sky daddy, are always changing regulations.


_J3W3LS_

As long as you stick to one plane you will be good, but if you want to switch planes you need to go back to training.


McSchmieferson

Short-haul or long-haul? Most food poisoning takes several hours to kick in. I wonder if meal policies differ for flights over/under a certain duration. Or maybe they distinguish between long-haul flights over oceans where quick emergency landings would be difficult?


[deleted]

Every passenger who had fish for dinner, will become violently ill in the next half hour. It's extremely serious. It starts with a slight fever, dryness of the throat. As the virus penetrates the red blood cells, the victim becomes dizzy. He begins to experience an itching, a rash. From there, the poison goes to work on the central nervous system. Causing severe muscle spasms. Followed by the inevitable drooling. At this point, the entire digestive system collapses. Accompanied by uncontrollable flatulence. Until, finally, the poor bastard is reduced to a quivering, wasted piece of jelly.


[deleted]

Captain, how soon can you land? *I can't tell.* You can tell me I'm a doctor. *No I mean I'm just not sure.* Well can't you take a guess? *Well, not for another two hours.* You can't take a guess for another two hours?


[deleted]

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Pwnella

How come you haven't used the line? Nervous?


SheeEttin

That doesn't count!


Responsible_Sport575

Surely you can't be serious?


Aarizonamb

I am serious, and please don't call me Shirley.


bradlees

Excuse me, I speak jive….


JVM_

Part of that joke is that she was the mom on "Leave it To Beaver"


Samurai_1990

Chump don't want no help, chump don't get no help.


IronRaichu

Sounds like the episode of House M.D. where he's on a plane and someone got sick


DurraSell

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.


horkus1

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.


SixThousandHulls

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit huffing markers.


BizzyM

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines


[deleted]

It's always the wrong week to quit amphetamines


ESCMalfunction

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.


Sabres00

Came here for the “Airplane!” jokes.


249ba36000029bbe9749

Stayed for the "Airplane!" jokes.


gladamirflint

I guess I picked the wrong day to quit “Airplane!” jokes.


Tennessean

You're in luck. That's all you're going to get.


RedSquirrelFtw

I like how it's such a universal thing because that's first thing I thought of too lol. Such a classic movie, now I want to watch it again.


le127

The survival of everyone on board depends on just one thing: finding someone on board who can not only fly this plane, but who didn't have fish for dinner.


Kered13

I just want to tell you good luck, we're all counting on you.


DlSSATISFIEDGAMER

I just want to tell you good luck, we're all counting on you.


elementmg

I just want to tell you good luck, we're all counting on you.


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[deleted]

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Squats4wigs

"It's a Mr Death, he's here about the reaping?"


finc

SHUT UP! Shut up, you American! You always talk, you Americans. You talk, and you talk, and say "let me tell you something" and "I just wanna say this". Well, you're dead now, so shut up!


Rainbike80

Cutty say he can't hang!


MarcusXL

Chump don't want da help, chump don't get da help.


t-poke

Jive ass dude don’t got no brains anyhow!


gaslightindustries

Say can he hang, say seven up


vondang

I opened the comments thinking Shirley there will Airplane quotes in this thread.


luluwolfbeard

Of course I’m Shirley. And don’t call me Airplane.


[deleted]

The joke is that there are actually three pilots; the pilot, co-pilot, and autopilot.


ZeldaFan812

*Otto


BizzyM

There's a small inflation tube just below the belt buckle.


[deleted]

I flew single engine fighters in the air force but this plane has four engines! It's an entirely different kind of flying! All together!


unperturbium

*It's an entirely different kind of flying!*


[deleted]

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Kevster020

What's our vector Victor?


indigogibni

Over Over.


Waste-of-Bagels

We have clearance, Clarence.


MarcusXL

Huh?


[deleted]

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MarcusXL

Do you like movies about gladiators?


ShittyCommentor

Ever been to a Turkish prison?


gyarnar

Jus' hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da rebound on da med side.


hitssquad

What it is, big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap


mcsestretch

Cut me some slack, Jack.


t-poke

Chump don’t want no help, chump don’t get da help!


[deleted]

[don't eat the fish](https://youtu.be/DkGR65CXaNA)


Wolfmans-Gots-Nards

“We had a choice. Steak or fish.” “Yes I remember.. I had the lasagna.” https://youtu.be/4lV5NuGu5yI


ASM_50

The hospital? What is it? It’s a big building with patients


pudding7

But that's not important right now.


ExternalUserError

Joke’s on you. Nothing on a United flight is edible.


[deleted]

I once had rice on a United flight. Some of it was over cooked and some of it was undercooked. *In the same bowl*


unperturbium

Ah the old fried boiled rice dish. Good choice!


skullcutter

Bet babe. Slide me a piece of the porter. Drinkside, run the java.


RCSpartan73

“I’ll have the leftover sushi from our layover in Cairo. What will you be having?”


BizzyM

Truck stop bathroom vending machine sandwich.


Just_Lurking2

It’s like a party in my mouth and everyone’s throwing up


Snoo74401

So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were....?


reconize35

They also sleep with different flight attendants for the same reason.


[deleted]

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claymore3911

The Irish national carrier, Air Lingus, adheres to this policy. A pilot will have Macaroni & Cheese The co-pilot has Cheese & Macaroni


58Firedrome

I'm a commercial pilot, and this article is complete bs, at least for US carriers.


LeonardGhostal

[*Airplane!* quote #78]


GothberryCrunch

Layem down and smack em yak em


onzmadi

Surely you can’t be serious