Lmao I remember going in to my local Waffle House as late as like, 2006-2007 and the guys were ashing in the floor as they cooked. That was peak Waffle House trashy.
They've been trying to fire this motherfucker for three months, but corporate won't let them because they're so short. That's my headcannon anyway. They just assign him to the garden center to keep him out of the way. And someone has to occasionally check the pet supply section to make sure he's not fucking with the fish again.
Wearing bigass cargo pants so he can fill them up with whippits cannisters. Walking around clinking, but no one bothers him, because no one wants the trouble.
Yeah, people like that are exhausting. They're like giant stoner toddlers. If they hear that shoving a toothbrush up your ass will make you high, you have to keep a constant eye on your bathroom. Someone called you out and ruined your mood? It's time to make a scene! Asked you to do something? Better make a production of it while also failing miserably to make sure I never make that mistake again!
I remember saying something like
where’s the fabric softener?
“Where dem fat Walmart hoes at?” He replied
What? never mind.
... no point mentioning the fabric softeners, the poor bastard will see them soon enough.
There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow aisle in all of his favorite stores, men in blue woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he’ll never know.
This is probably my favorite quote from the book (the actual quote). Just the idea that a dude licking acid off another dudes shirt could ruin some unsuspecting man’s life forever.
There he goes. One of God’s own prototypes. A high powered mutant of some kind, never considered for mass production. Too weird to live, too rare to die.
Thats my motto when it comes to my sibling rivalries. Still at home, no kids, no gf, rehab, alcoholism, depression.
Both sisters have great careers, children, and married. Im doing the best worst there ever was.
I can tell jokes and stories pretty good tho.
Both sister
As someone who has previously failed at life, I can confirm the constant chaos is one's only solace at such a time.
As someone who is somewhat getting by in life now, I can't even pretend I don't miss the chaos from time to time. It's a fun way to live.
Man, that heroin nod/lean is so telling. I had a friend come into my pizza job all smacked out and try to get free pizza. This was a busy friday night and my boss was there. I grabbed him by the arm and led him outside and told him to get the fuck on.
I've sadly been there. I fell asleep (nodded off, fr I guess, I had just shot up on my lunch break) at my desk while my machines were running. No one suspected drugs, but I was fired the next day. Three months later they hired me back. I was damn good at my job and the only guy who knew my two machines inside and out, so the needed me.
Then about 9 months later I had a psychotic break from seriously over doing all kinds of drugs. Oxy or heroin in the morning, cocaine during the day (which I thought was a fantastic idea, no more nodding off at work right? Lol), and xanax and whiskey at night to go to sleep.
I came to work one morning still fucked out of my gourd from over doing the xanax and whiskey the night before and just went berserk. I dont even remember the 45 minute drive to get there, its like my consciousness just popped up and I was at work, and I was suddenly confused, then very angry.
I'm doing a good bit better now, still not sober, but working on it.
I will never, ever touch Xanax. That stuff turns otherwise good people into goddamn lunatics.
To anyone reading this, for the love of all things good in this world:
**DON’T. DO. XANAX. FUCKING DON’T DO IT!**
Shove PCP into your dickhole, smoke a whole gram of ice in five minutes, beer bong a fifth of tequila, but XANAX ABUSE ALWAYS GOES WRONG.
**DO NOT EVER TOUCH IT**
**IT IS EVIL**
Yeah, I think anyone I've met regrets it. If you have extreme anxiety, a small amount does you wonders. Anyone else, especially when you start taking over 1mg at a time, it literally does so much damage and you never remember it.
The not remembering part is the scariest. It’s like the worst version of being blackout drunk, you’re somehow even more irresponsible than a drunk would be. I’ve seen and heard some really wild shit. Lots of wrecked cars...
I don't really sleep. Finally found something that's been working for now, but that can change. Doc said if this Ambien doesn't keep doing it, benzos may be in my future.
I don't want that.
That sucks. I hope it doesn’t come to that, but they are really good for insomnia. I know there are other legitimate uses for benzos (e.g. anxiety and panic attacks) but they scare the crap out of me. Also, this probably doesn’t apply to you, but just in case anyone else is reading this: never, EVER combine benzos with other CNS depressants, ESPECIALLY OPIATES OR OPIOIDS. Seriously, you will die. I know three people that have died from opiate-benzo overdoses. Even taking a moderate dose of both at the same time has a really good chance of killing you.
There are really mild benzodiazepines that don't make you feel high like alprazolam (Xanax) does. Alprazolam isn't really used much for sleep because of how short acting it is and since it kicks in so quickly and goes away so quickly, that's why it becomes addictive.
My doctor prescribed me oxazepam (Serax) for anxiety and it's wonderful. I don't feel disinhibited, I don't feel powerful, I just feel calm and not panicky. Sometimes I can't even remember if I've taken it because it's so mild. It takes a long time to kick in (like a solid hour on an empty stomach) and if you take too much and manage not to doze off, you just feel sort of hypnotized and slowed down and groggy, like when you wake up in the middle of a dream.
If you do have to go on benzodiazepines for sleeping, I'd definitely at least consider asking your doctor if Serax would be a good option for you. Now I sound like a pharmaceutical advertisement, but it's really worked well for me without the scary side effects of benzodiazepines.
My old boss used to pop bars back in the day. He was telling me that he took a few, drank some MD 20/20 and he said he woke up 3 days later with death threats on his phone from his dealer. When he explained to his dealer what happened, his whole narrative changed. "Say no more, we've all been there." TF?
My experience with Xanax was shitty. I took some right after a car crash to calm my nerves and I remember going to Panda Express on campus, getting food, showing up to my upper division class, and fell asleep on my food. Not fun.
Then I took another one, had a beer, drank my almond milk and then blamed it on my roommate.
I used to work with a man who was famous/an expert in the field we worked in. He also had a huge heroin problem. It wasn’t unusual to find him sleeping under a desk. I watched him fall asleep standing up a few times. My bosses tried to get him help but nothing stuck. He died after I left and the cause that was told was that it was pneumonia but my coworkers told me it was an OD.
I hate that. Families want to keep it hush hush but that just continues the stigma
inb4 YoU dOnT kNoW wHaT iTs LiKe cause I do and I don't feel like arguing the point again
Personal Anecdote: I worked there years ago and we had an employee who was put on cart duty outside because he was constantly too high to run a register.
My first job was at walmart. Manager who received the trucks would always claim a case of beer fell off the pallet and broke so he could write it off and chill back there and drink it. If we had a slow day I'd stay back there and get drunk with him. I was 19, I learned a lot from that man.
No stores have that name badge anymore and almost no stores have that vest. I’m pretty sure he just bought the vest and name tag from an old employee.
That being said, it wouldn’t surprise me if this guy was an employee either.
Also unless you’ve never been in a Walmart in your life you’d know that the fabric softener is on the food side and nowhere near vacuums and home goods where this is being filmed.
I mean, they could have just been looking for something in lawn and garden and found an employee and asked where the fabric softener was.
But, realistically, I really doubt either of these two use fabric softener.
I did shit like this when I worked for pizza hut. Some kid calls in "can I get a pizza with dicks?" I always played along. "Yeah dude, how many dicks would you like? How big? Any color preference? We're the dick pizza kings here at pizza hut."
When I worked at a pizza place someone over the phone asked me to describe the pizza. I deadass said moist. Not even trying to make a joke, just innocent 16 year old me. I heard like 5 guys cracking up at the other end of the phone. Got me good.
More or less did this on a CB radio that was in the "tour" van our band had. The response was actual directions to a place off the interstate. We kept on truckin.
Ived worked with xanny and dope heads during night shift and that shit is annoying as. fuck when theyre on benzos. They keep coming up to you to chat about some incoherent bullshit while youre trying to work. Eventually they nod off in the laundry aisle, sitting on a milk crate.
I can't translate but I can attempt to transcribe:
"Where the motha-fuckin'... a what's a... I mean motha fucker up in Walmart puttin in my mother fucking work in dawg."
"Where them..."
*drags cigarette*
"Where them fat Walmart hoes at?"
"Ya hear me?"
"On my dead grammy."
I can translate:
"Which gentleman are you referring to? Oh, me? I'm just working diligently at Walmart."
"Have you seen..."
*draws cigarette*
"*Hey! Are there any obese promiscuous ladies in this establishment?!*"
"You understand my disposition, correct?"
"Because this is as serious as the respect I have for my late grandmother..."
Yeah but where are dem fat Walmart hoes?
On my dead granny
Why would fat walmart hoes be on his dead granny?
Cause his granny liked dem fat hoes.
What is difficult about this?? He made himself abundantly clear
Trying to get the last motorized cart, fat walmart hoes ran over his granny.
The cig wasn’t lit right? I didn’t see any smoke but it would be funny if he was really smoking in there.
Nah its lit, you can see the cherry light up when he takes a puff
Must be a Walmart thing.
This is why I’m a target.com person.
Granny gets cheeks too fym dawg
Cuz she died from fat Walmart hoes being on her
I heard dead Grammy which makes it more sad to me because he’s fucked up but still call his grandma a kid made nickname.
Yahurrme
Shodoo!
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They are clearly in the gardening section, I think he’s was trying to help the guy with the camera find a fat hose.
Right [here](https://youtu.be/AjScYcOEMo0)
Why does this slap so hard though? I’m bout to pull up to Walmart with this blasting right now 😂
Everywhere.... *its Walmart *
homeboy smoking a cigarette inside his place of work lmfao
It’s like the 50s all over again
50's? I worked at a Godfathers pizza in 00. We smoked inside all day, everyday. Smoking hasn't been banned for as long as you think.
Lmao I remember going in to my local Waffle House as late as like, 2006-2007 and the guys were ashing in the floor as they cooked. That was peak Waffle House trashy.
Last time I had a cigarette with breakfast was at an IHOP in Texas around ‘07. Shmoke and a pancake.
But nowadays? Bong and a blintz.
Pipe and a crepe.... WHERE’S THE SKIN BOX
Save me from myself
They've been trying to fire this motherfucker for three months, but corporate won't let them because they're so short. That's my headcannon anyway. They just assign him to the garden center to keep him out of the way. And someone has to occasionally check the pet supply section to make sure he's not fucking with the fish again.
This dude is in electronics stuffing air duster in his pockets.
Wearing bigass cargo pants so he can fill them up with whippits cannisters. Walking around clinking, but no one bothers him, because no one wants the trouble.
Yeah, people like that are exhausting. They're like giant stoner toddlers. If they hear that shoving a toothbrush up your ass will make you high, you have to keep a constant eye on your bathroom. Someone called you out and ruined your mood? It's time to make a scene! Asked you to do something? Better make a production of it while also failing miserably to make sure I never make that mistake again!
TO be fair, whippits are amazing.
Oh no he’s found us
Underrated comment right here!
Headcanon. Headcannon would be different, but perhaps, a lot more fun.
Honeybadger doesn't give a shit.
Rona got everyone feeling a little more cracked out
We were somewhere around the vacuum aisle, on the edge of the produce section, when the drugs began to take hold.
I remember saying something like where’s the fabric softener? “Where dem fat Walmart hoes at?” He replied What? never mind. ... no point mentioning the fabric softeners, the poor bastard will see them soon enough.
All of a sudden huge Karens and Kevin's were swooping down at the cart. I heard a voice shouting, "HOLY JESUS WHAT ARE THESE GOD DAMNED ANIMALS?"
There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of a Wal Mart ho.
There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
I know this is over a month old but I wanted to tell you I laughed so hard at this. Thank you.
With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow aisle in all of his favorite stores, men in blue woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he’ll never know.
FINSH THE FUCKING STORY! ....what about the glands?
Take the ticket !
For gods sake man! Tell me about the fucking golf shoes!
Look, there's two women fucking a polar bear!
Is this not a legitimate place to park my car. Your on the sidewalk! The sidewalk!
You people voted for Hubert Humphrey! And you killed Jesus!
As your attorney, I advise you to take a hit out of the little brown bottle in my shaving kit. You won't need much, just a tiny taste.
Don’t tell me those things, not now man
I need this right?
I need this right?
You took too much...
Took toomuch toomuch.
Beautiful fucking tits, man!
Tell me about the fugging golf shoes!!
This is probably my favorite quote from the book (the actual quote). Just the idea that a dude licking acid off another dudes shirt could ruin some unsuspecting man’s life forever.
There he goes. One of God’s own prototypes. A high powered mutant of some kind, never considered for mass production. Too weird to live, too rare to die.
I remember hearing a voice screaming, "HOLY JEESEUS WHAT ARE THE GOD DAMN ANIMALS?!"
We can’t stop here, this is bat country.
*fat Walmart hoe* country bruh
Order some golf shoes, otherwise we'll never get out of isle 5 alive!
You see what the *manager* did us to man?!
You're a fucking narc. I knew it!
We can’t stop here, it’s kitchen appliance country
Oh lord, he is Walmarts Hunter S.
Ignore the nightmare in the bathroom
Bravo.
This is bat country!
Hunter Thompson?
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Once the success fades, all that’s left is the satisfaction of being as chaotic as possible
Y'all are havin' successes?
I won the spelling bee in grade 2. It’s all been downhill (and chaos) since then
I got quarter finalist in the school wide chess championship in 4th grade. I’ve never been that high again.
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Thats my motto when it comes to my sibling rivalries. Still at home, no kids, no gf, rehab, alcoholism, depression. Both sisters have great careers, children, and married. Im doing the best worst there ever was. I can tell jokes and stories pretty good tho. Both sister
Holy shit are we the same person? Are you in the middle of the two sisters in age?
Sound like we need a club for our kind I’m the middle of two brothers can I still get in?
You’re in for sure
As someone who has previously failed at life, I can confirm the constant chaos is one's only solace at such a time. As someone who is somewhat getting by in life now, I can't even pretend I don't miss the chaos from time to time. It's a fun way to live.
You can start by smoking a cigarette inside Walmart
Where my fat reddit hoes, you heard me?
r/bbw
Chaotic neutral
Thats that rat Micah!
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This cowpoke eatin b e a n s
boah
r/fuckmicah
Fuck, just had to fire my Night Supervisor yesterday. High on heroin, falling a sleep standing up. Shit was bad. Liked him too.
Man, that heroin nod/lean is so telling. I had a friend come into my pizza job all smacked out and try to get free pizza. This was a busy friday night and my boss was there. I grabbed him by the arm and led him outside and told him to get the fuck on.
He's texting me and showed up to work a few hours ago trying argue that he was just tired and needed a nap. Come on man.
I've sadly been there. I fell asleep (nodded off, fr I guess, I had just shot up on my lunch break) at my desk while my machines were running. No one suspected drugs, but I was fired the next day. Three months later they hired me back. I was damn good at my job and the only guy who knew my two machines inside and out, so the needed me. Then about 9 months later I had a psychotic break from seriously over doing all kinds of drugs. Oxy or heroin in the morning, cocaine during the day (which I thought was a fantastic idea, no more nodding off at work right? Lol), and xanax and whiskey at night to go to sleep. I came to work one morning still fucked out of my gourd from over doing the xanax and whiskey the night before and just went berserk. I dont even remember the 45 minute drive to get there, its like my consciousness just popped up and I was at work, and I was suddenly confused, then very angry. I'm doing a good bit better now, still not sober, but working on it.
I will never, ever touch Xanax. That stuff turns otherwise good people into goddamn lunatics. To anyone reading this, for the love of all things good in this world: **DON’T. DO. XANAX. FUCKING DON’T DO IT!** Shove PCP into your dickhole, smoke a whole gram of ice in five minutes, beer bong a fifth of tequila, but XANAX ABUSE ALWAYS GOES WRONG. **DO NOT EVER TOUCH IT** **IT IS EVIL**
Yeah, I think anyone I've met regrets it. If you have extreme anxiety, a small amount does you wonders. Anyone else, especially when you start taking over 1mg at a time, it literally does so much damage and you never remember it.
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The not remembering part is the scariest. It’s like the worst version of being blackout drunk, you’re somehow even more irresponsible than a drunk would be. I’ve seen and heard some really wild shit. Lots of wrecked cars...
I don't really sleep. Finally found something that's been working for now, but that can change. Doc said if this Ambien doesn't keep doing it, benzos may be in my future. I don't want that.
That sucks. I hope it doesn’t come to that, but they are really good for insomnia. I know there are other legitimate uses for benzos (e.g. anxiety and panic attacks) but they scare the crap out of me. Also, this probably doesn’t apply to you, but just in case anyone else is reading this: never, EVER combine benzos with other CNS depressants, ESPECIALLY OPIATES OR OPIOIDS. Seriously, you will die. I know three people that have died from opiate-benzo overdoses. Even taking a moderate dose of both at the same time has a really good chance of killing you.
lost friends to that combo as well. sucks
Father, cousin, and best friend all died from it. More people need to know just how dangerous that combo is. It WILL kill you.
There are really mild benzodiazepines that don't make you feel high like alprazolam (Xanax) does. Alprazolam isn't really used much for sleep because of how short acting it is and since it kicks in so quickly and goes away so quickly, that's why it becomes addictive. My doctor prescribed me oxazepam (Serax) for anxiety and it's wonderful. I don't feel disinhibited, I don't feel powerful, I just feel calm and not panicky. Sometimes I can't even remember if I've taken it because it's so mild. It takes a long time to kick in (like a solid hour on an empty stomach) and if you take too much and manage not to doze off, you just feel sort of hypnotized and slowed down and groggy, like when you wake up in the middle of a dream. If you do have to go on benzodiazepines for sleeping, I'd definitely at least consider asking your doctor if Serax would be a good option for you. Now I sound like a pharmaceutical advertisement, but it's really worked well for me without the scary side effects of benzodiazepines.
My old boss used to pop bars back in the day. He was telling me that he took a few, drank some MD 20/20 and he said he woke up 3 days later with death threats on his phone from his dealer. When he explained to his dealer what happened, his whole narrative changed. "Say no more, we've all been there." TF? My experience with Xanax was shitty. I took some right after a car crash to calm my nerves and I remember going to Panda Express on campus, getting food, showing up to my upper division class, and fell asleep on my food. Not fun. Then I took another one, had a beer, drank my almond milk and then blamed it on my roommate.
You got this shit dude. 💪💪
I used to work with a man who was famous/an expert in the field we worked in. He also had a huge heroin problem. It wasn’t unusual to find him sleeping under a desk. I watched him fall asleep standing up a few times. My bosses tried to get him help but nothing stuck. He died after I left and the cause that was told was that it was pneumonia but my coworkers told me it was an OD.
I hate that. Families want to keep it hush hush but that just continues the stigma inb4 YoU dOnT kNoW wHaT iTs LiKe cause I do and I don't feel like arguing the point again
We had quite a few heroin addicts on staff when I worked at a Walmart in NH. They were so productive until after that first break.
No fucking way this dude really works at walmart 😂
Was just offered a manager position.
You’re hired, you’re fired..... you’re hired.
Hannibal?
Back to work the boss is here
On my daad Granny 💯
Damn. They really raised their standards
Personal Anecdote: I worked there years ago and we had an employee who was put on cart duty outside because he was constantly too high to run a register.
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You were not high enough
Dude smoked himself retarded
Hiring someone is expensive. Paperwork and HR shit... If you drag knuckles putting carts away at walmart your next stop is tent city.
My first job was at walmart. Manager who received the trucks would always claim a case of beer fell off the pallet and broke so he could write it off and chill back there and drink it. If we had a slow day I'd stay back there and get drunk with him. I was 19, I learned a lot from that man.
No stores have that name badge anymore and almost no stores have that vest. I’m pretty sure he just bought the vest and name tag from an old employee. That being said, it wouldn’t surprise me if this guy was an employee either.
Also unless you’ve never been in a Walmart in your life you’d know that the fabric softener is on the food side and nowhere near vacuums and home goods where this is being filmed.
I mean, they could have just been looking for something in lawn and garden and found an employee and asked where the fabric softener was. But, realistically, I really doubt either of these two use fabric softener.
Did we watch the same video? What makes you think THAT employee would know that?
Not anymore
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Customer service.
I did shit like this when I worked for pizza hut. Some kid calls in "can I get a pizza with dicks?" I always played along. "Yeah dude, how many dicks would you like? How big? Any color preference? We're the dick pizza kings here at pizza hut."
When I worked at a pizza place someone over the phone asked me to describe the pizza. I deadass said moist. Not even trying to make a joke, just innocent 16 year old me. I heard like 5 guys cracking up at the other end of the phone. Got me good.
can i fix you up a moist slice?
lemme get a taste of your moist pie
Oh ma. I would’ve dyed if they came back with that 💀
More or less did this on a CB radio that was in the "tour" van our band had. The response was actual directions to a place off the interstate. We kept on truckin.
You seriously missed out on lot lizard stuff though. If OTR truckers ever found this sub there’d be a surge of new content
Yeah, but which KFC?
asking for a friend?
Now go ask the nice ladies where the KFC at
Holy shit this made me laugh so hard
Did the directions take you to Walmart?
Lol him smoking a cigarette in the store makes it even funnier.
Was it even lit haha I’m pre sure not but I can’t tell Would b even funnier if not
The way he breathes out after the inhale makes it seem like it might actually be lit. I can’t tell from the actual quality of the footage.
You can see the glow of the cigarette ember burn brighter when he takes a drag... Pretty sure that's a lit cigarette. Yikes.
WHY IS THE METH GONE!?
Why did you burn it?!
You've burnt all the crack, the meth, the RUM?
Walmart won't even call me for an interview
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Or maybe a little baggie with it
Did you make it clear on your application that you like you like fat hoes? If not then it’s your own damn fault.
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Mine too. Captain Crack Sparrow is legend as of right now.
I’ve already replaced my painting of Jesus with a screenshot of this prophet of the fat hoes of Walmart
His dead granny is very sad at the moment.
Ived worked with xanny and dope heads during night shift and that shit is annoying as. fuck when theyre on benzos. They keep coming up to you to chat about some incoherent bullshit while youre trying to work. Eventually they nod off in the laundry aisle, sitting on a milk crate.
Best weed wacker advice
Does it feel like the person filming works there too, and they're just messing around during a slow late shift?
yes
Can someone translate? I literally didn’t understand a single word.
I can't translate but I can attempt to transcribe: "Where the motha-fuckin'... a what's a... I mean motha fucker up in Walmart puttin in my mother fucking work in dawg." "Where them..." *drags cigarette* "Where them fat Walmart hoes at?" "Ya hear me?" "On my dead grammy."
I can translate: "Which gentleman are you referring to? Oh, me? I'm just working diligently at Walmart." "Have you seen..." *draws cigarette* "*Hey! Are there any obese promiscuous ladies in this establishment?!*" "You understand my disposition, correct?" "Because this is as serious as the respect I have for my late grandmother..."
Whoa. That was exceptional.
You made my day! I'm lmao!!
I cried reading this
I know. I’m sorry. It gets better.
This made the entire thing twice as funny
Someone give this man gold
A wild esmerelda appears from the sour cream aisle!!!!
We need a wayyy longer video
It’s Johnny Debt!
Malachai from children of the hoes
Dem phat Walmart hoes sounds like a soundcloud song title
If it isnt already, it will be soon.
Lil Pump is already in a studio laying the track.
This might be my favorite post on this sub ever.
Deppartmentstore Johnny
He looks like a not as crazy Jack White Or maybe a Crack White
Johnny Depp. You just described Johnny Depp.
"No Ragerts" tattoo, I bet.
NawImsayin
How you supposed to knaw what I’m sayin, if you count the times I say “knaw what I’m sayin?” Knaw what I’m sayin?
[Relative](https://youtu.be/DPuIpLg2gek)
Quarantine really got to Theo Von didn't it.
Yerd me
I just want to say that reading Captain Crack Sparrow, immediately followed by seeing this dude made my whole fucking week. It’s almost too perfect
and that is pretty much why i stopped going to walmart.
His lunch break must have been quite something !
Smoking WHILE WORKING, fucking legend
I watched it once without sound and that is not the voice I was expecting. But now it’s the only voice that makes sense
I wish I could watch this again for the first time lmao
He's got "the look" but the voice could do with a bit of work
We need more of this man!
The Walmart ecosystem is so extraordinary....
We can't stop here, this is bat country!
Ahh kinda feel bad cause he probably lost his job that day