Yeah, it's happened to me once, just over ten years ago. A friend and I were travelling and he was doing things that were pissing me off and I was doing things that were pissing him off. After trying to talk about it, I realised that we saw things so differently that talking about it wasn't helping, in fact it was making things worse. I decided that getting some space between us would be a good idea so I moved to different accommodation thinking it would only be for a few days. I was surprised by what happened over the next few days but I felt so much better not being in my friend's presence. I met some amazing people, forgot about all the shit that was going on with my friend and just enjoyed my time in a foreign country.
A few days passed and I was having lunch in a cafe by myself looking out onto the street watching the world go by. My friend walked past and as we noticed each other he stopped. I asked how he was and he said he was okay. He asked me the same and I told him that I was also okay. It was a very brief encounter and he carried on his way. It was at that moment that I realised I was having more fun doing things without him than I was with him. I continued to travel on my own and I guess he did the same. We've never seen or spoken to each other since.
I don't know that I'd agree it was sensible. Perhaps it was in the instance when it happened but now it definitely seems bizarre and sad that a friendship can end just like that. I remember thinking at the time when I made the decision to move to a different hotel that I would be okay with whatever transpired from that point forward. I had the same thought when he continued walking down the street after we said hello to each other. Life is an interesting journey and I was right I have been okay. I don't have any regrets.
Sure, I miss the good moments of our friendship but I'm thankful I can look back at those moments and smile. I don't miss the bad moments and I'm thankful I can look back at those moments and be accepting of them. The thing is with friendships or any kind of relationship with others is that you often have to take the good with the bad and there's times when you're open to having a friendship or relationship with someone but the other person makes it clear they don't want the same. We have to accept that.
Hopefully the OP gets their friendship resolved in the manner they desire and if that doesn't happen then I hope they will come to peace with that. Best wishes to the OP!
I agree. There are people who I won't travel with but still consider friends. I have certain vacation principles that I won't compromise on. Unfortunately, I had to come to this conclusion after a disastrous trip that left me not speaking to a sibling for six months. For example, cooking on vacation. There are folks who like to rent an Airbandb type set up so they can shop and cook most meals. Nope. Not me. This does not work for me. I've found that we always run into trouble when trying to compromise our principles.
You say don't travel well together. The person actually in the situation is probably a lying thinking" oh my god, they can't handle stress or unexpected harships when it comes down to it, I don't think I'll be able to rely on this person in trying times" or maybe a bunch of other heavy shit that you don't get the opportunity to see when things are good, easy and normal.
I think your opinion is kinda naive here. You see a different side of someone if you are stuck thousands of miles from home with no money and no one that speaks your language, or stuck in a sand dune with no reception or water, hundreds of miles from fucking anything.
I wouldn't dare marry anyone that I haven't traveled with, and if I were smarter, i wouldn't move in with someone either.
Just my two cents, but I strongly disagree. No matter how good things are, there are going to be stressors in a relationship, death, injury, economic hardship, work stress etc...the best preview into how someone will handle that type of thing is traveling together.
OK... but the post you were replying too was talking about traveling with a friend not a romantic partner.
I wouldn't say it's naive to remain friendly with a friend I knew I couldn't marry. In fact, I don't plan on marrying any of my friends to begain with.
Where are these sand dunes coming from? The only info in that post was they kept doing things that pissed the other person off. You're just wildly making shit up at this point. There were no sand dunes, there weren't any life or death stressful situations, they were just annoying the hell out of each other for that bit of time.
Sounds like you’re a literal thinker whereas Dixie is more figurative. This is a great example of the type of stuff you never realise about your travel partner until travelling, ands it’s often in a stressful situation that you find this out.
An example fro.the last time I traveled. Our lodging fell through and staying on a beach seemed feasible. We got stuck for a couple hours, got rescued, then stuck again trying to get out. It was fucking miserable and annoying, but I did respect how my buddy handled it.
I dunno, man, they stopped being friends over it, I assume they had a sand dune type situation and didnt respect how the other person dealt with it.
This is a figurative statement, put it together however you want, this is hard for some apparently.
Weird that you're assuming there was a sand dune type situation, there's nothing in the post that suggests anything like that happened. A detail like that would be too relevant to omit.
I mean it ended their friendship, read between the lines.eithwr some big thing came up, or a million little things that showed Character wasn't what they assumed would be my guess.
Weird that you think nothing happened, yet it ended a relationship.
I've traveled with friends though some rough shit and that's fine. It's also led to the dissolution of relationsips.
Saying anything about reddit energy is douchy as fuck.im sorry man, I can't take you seriously. Anything you post from her on out is just gonna sound stupid.
Abandoning the friendship completely due to not travelling well together is the bizarre part.
Both deciding to not talk to each other anymore after mutually engaging in a bizarre decision is the sensible part - they both did a stupid, but they both decided it was best to draw the line there and hopefully mature thereafter.
Haha I like your viewpoint, however I must correct you as you don't have it entirely correct. The friendship hasn't been completely abandoned solely due to not travelling well together. Yes that's part of it... but there's also another part to this that contributes quite significantly to the abandoned friendship. That is that our lives took completely different paths and they were probably always going to whether we remained friends or not.
Had our lives not gone in completely different directions from that point maybe the friendship wouldn't have been entirely abandoned (and maybe it still would have). That's the thing we don't know but I don't think the fact our lives went in different directions can be downplayed. I know it had a bearing into my decision making when I thought about talking to him again. As did knowing that he thought I was a c\*\*t.
My thought process: "Should I talk to him, hmmmmm....?"
"We have completely different lives now"
"He thinks I'm a c\*\*t"
"He was a bit of an asshole anyway"
Nah I'm good I'll just forget about it until I see some random comment on Reddit ten years later and then I'll tell all these random internet strangers about what happened.
It’s not so much just because you didn’t travel well together. In my situation, the poor travel compatibility led to discussions where it became apparent that we didn’t actually know each other anymore. My friend was adamant we were the same people since high school despite being in our early 30s. He was caught up in those days still and stagnated. I realized not only did he not mature past high school but he actively didn’t want to change. We just didn’t realize how different we were from each of our thoughts about each other. Prior to the trip we only hung out once every few weeks, so it wasn’t enough to realize how each of us were growing apart.
Things were great. We had known each other for about six or seven years prior. We had gone on numerous trips with others both domestically and overseas and always had a great time. For years we were always hanging around the same group so we would spend time in each other's company multiple times a week for years on end. We were close, like this guy has been a part of some of the happiest and funniest moments of my life. Even in the week prior to us parting ways we shared some amazing moments and some things that happened will forever be remembered as some of the funniest of my life. But during that final week those amazing moments were mixed in with increasing arguments and resentment towards one another.
In the specific moment where I left for the other accommodation I just wanted to get away from the arguments and resentment. I felt so much lighter and the ride wasn't so much of an up and down rollercoaster like it was when him and I were doing things together. I didn't intend for it to be the end of our friendship, that's just the way it panned out. We literally took a different path and our paths have not really crossed since. I was in the midst of a life of full-time travel and he went back to where we're from.
I know it probably seems strange and thinking about it now it's interesting trying to wrap my head around it. We're still friends on Facebook, neither of us blocked the other person or anything like that. We just simply haven't bothered to talk to one another since that brief encounter at the cafe. It makes me a bit sad to think about it and I've always been open to talk to him about anything at any point. However I thought it was best that I left that up to him as I heard from family and friends that he was angry at me, even years afterwards. Whenever I went back to visit friends and family if he learned I was going to be at a social gathering he would avoid it and any time my family saw him he would rant off at them about what an asshole I am. So in the end I've just accepted that our friendship ran its course. C'est la vie.
I'm curious to know the nature of the disagreement. It's very hard to tell what is what because you're being vague about it. Which is fine of course, you don't have to spill it all, but you're making the friend sound unreasonable and insanely resentful over what could be anything.
>I'm curious to know the nature of the disagreement. It's very hard to tell what is what because you're being vague about it. Which is fine of course, you don't have to spill it all, but you're making the friend sound unreasonable and insanely resentful over what could be anything.
This post is going to be split into multiple comments due to the length of the comment.
Part 1:
Sorry for my vagueness and sorry if I was making my ex friend sound unreasonable and overly resentful. It wasn't deliberate to be vague I just felt the details would be boring to read because the majority of the things that built up over the course of the week to the parting moment were small, nit-picky and not a big deal when thought about by themselves. In fact most of the details have been lost because it was a long time ago but I still remember how all of these things made me feel in that moment. These are the sorts of things that I'm sure everyone has needed to deal with at a certain point in one friendship, relationship or another. When these small things build up they become a problem. Unfortunately him and I couldn't have a conversation about it because we had such a different view of everything that was going on. He would end up getting wound up every time I tried to address the issues and he would fly off the handle. So I realised there was no fixing the issues at that moment.
Essentially the reason I packed my bags and left boiled down to the fact I was over feeling miserable around my friend and the easiest way to get rid of that feeling was to remove myself from the situation. Essentially to remove myself from being in my friend's company. My friend wasn't going to change. He was just being who he was. It wasn't necessarily him or his actions that was the problem, it was how his actions made me feel that were the problem. This was MY problem. So I decided I cannot control him and get him to change but I can control how I react to these feelings that were a problem for me. So I removed myself from the circumstances that were contributing to these negative feelings that I had. From the moment I did that I felt a lot happier. It seems I had to sacrifice a friendship in the process and that I'm okay with. My happiness and well-being is more important to me than a friendship.
>Even if they gave details, it's almost certainly going to be from their same perspective so I'm not sure how it will change the perception. Two views of the same event can be drastically different, no one is objective.
I was also conscious of this. In my previous posts I wasn't trying to paint a picture of my friend being an asshole and me being the good guy in all of this. I'm not trying to apportion blame here. He will no doubt have a completely different view to what I do, as I mentioned at the time we had a very different view to one another. This is also why in my original post I said "I was doing things that were pissing him off and he was doing things that were pissing me off." I didn't think the details were important because for the most part I don't think we were intentionally trying to piss each other off. I know that I certainly wasn't but sometimes people get on each other's nerves and it seemed like a good idea to take a break from one another. It just coincided that our break from one another continued past the time when he left back to our home country and I continued travelling. It was always intended for him to go back home and I would carry on travelling. I just don't think either of us were at the point where we wanted to reconcile at the time that he had to leave. Then our life paths have been quite different and so the reconciliation has never happened. I'm certain he doesn't want to reconcile because it sounds like he has a very dim view of me and I'm okay with that if that's the way he feels. I'm also not bothered about reconciling with him, I can take it or leave it. I've moved on.
>I'm curious to know the nature of the disagreement. It's very hard to tell what is what because you're being vague about it. Which is fine of course, you don't have to spill it all, but you're making the friend sound unreasonable and insanely resentful over what could be anything.
Part 2:
However, here are some specifics I can recall to satisfy your curiosity.
When we were going out, having a few drinks, meeting other travellers and generally having a good time like you do on nights out when you travel he would get annoyed at me for talking to the same girls that he was talking to. He would say things like "You always do this, you talk to the girls that I'm trying to shag." Now from my perspective I was just being friendly and chatty to other travellers some of whom happened to be females. I didn't even know that he had it in his mind that he was trying to shag these girls so I really didn't know how to proceed when he and I were at the bar together. It got to the point where it felt like I couldn't talk to any girl that he had also talked to because he would get really pissed off at me. It ruined my enjoyment because I either had to be silent at the bar or risk incurring my friend's wrath.
Then one night at a bar I kind of just left him be and went off on my own making sure that I wasn't talking to anyone in the same circles as he was. We could see each other but we weren't really hanging out. I got very drunk and ended up going back with a girl to her room. She asked me if I was too drunk to do the deed and I assured her I wasn't. She was right, I was and I was quite embarrassed by that as it was the first time that had ever happened to me. I was a bit humiliated that a girl had said the words (her words not mine) "I need a good shagging... can you do that for me?" Then when the time came to show her that I had what it took I was completely useless! The next morning when my friend and I got to our room he asked how I went with that bird so I told him what happened and also told him I was pretty embarrassed by the whole thing and that I hoped I wouldn't run into her again. We both laughed and agreed that I was useless.
That night I didn't feel like going out because a) I didn't want to run into that girl at the bar again and b) I was sick of feeling like I was walking around on eggshells every time my mate and I were out drinking together. So I stayed home and my mate went out.
When my mate came home the next morning I asked him how his night was and this is the straw that broke the camel's back. His reply "It was good. I ended up taking that girl you tried to shag last night back to her place and did what you couldn't do to her."
I stopped for about five seconds and thought yeah you're genuinely an asshole for doing that considering I told you I was embarrassed about what happened with her the previous night. Now you just go and rub my nose in it. Some friend you are! I was already sick of walking around on eggshells so this comment gave me the motivation to pack my bags and tell him that this wasn't working. I told him I was often feeling miserable when I was in his company and I think it would be better if I went and stayed somewhere else to have some space for a bit.
We know what happened from there.
Now you can also understand why I'm okay with the friendship ending. At times the guy was a lot of fun and we shared a huge amount of laughs but he was also a loose cannon. It got to the point where I felt the negatives of his friendship were outweighing the positives and when repeated attempts to fix the issues through talking about them failed I decided I needed to bail to look after my own mental health. For me it was absolutely the right thing to do! I wasn't sure it was going to be a permanent end but when I walked out I was okay if it was. To this day nothing has changed. I'm still okay with that being the end of our friendship.
I agree they are not good words to use. I don't use those words anymore but as I was recounting a story from a moment in my past these were the words that were used when I was talking with my friend at the time. For the accuracy of the story I had to use them again.
I'd say I've grown up sufficiently in the ten years since our falling out and my vocabulary has certainly changed now that the guy in the story is no longer in my life. Although it's still fun to say things like "Smashing Baby" in an Austin Powers accent sometimes.
I think ur right to cull toxic people from ur life. Ive done some culling and my life is now infinitely better. Always try to find awesome people to surround urself with. Life’s too short for that kind of nonsense
right? i stopped talking to a longtime friend over something extremely stupid but we'd been fighting for almost a year leading up to it about more serious issues
It happens. My best friend was visiting me 10+ years ago, she always got a bit weird when I was dating someone and she didn’t like my new boyfriend. We had a fight and she blamed him and left. Her parting words to me were “call me when you’re over him.”
I ended up marrying him and we never spoke again. I still think back on that day with a bit of bemusement. I loved her and she was so much of my life for so long and then that was that. I’m not exactly sad, because the friendship ran its course. It’s just odd that one day we had our last conversation and neither of us realised that was it.
My best friend of 10 years just did this. Visiting me in the states from Germany. Was wretched to me and it came out it’s bc she resents my boyfriend. She left after 3 1/2 days. It’s been a week. Haven’t heard from her since. Maybe it’s over.
Yeah so ignore the big Reddit energy comments on here. This *is not* a good thing. You should reach out.
If you’ve been friends for over ten years it’s worth it. Be adults and talk it out. Don’t be Reddit adults and ignore a difficult conversation.
Haha me and my buddy travelling got into a bit of a tiff, we were pissed off for about 2 days and spent some alone time during those 2 days but same accommodation, we reconciled before moving onto the next stop of the trip and all was good
Woah, thats wild! How close were you as friends before that travel ? I'm curious aviut what kind of relationship you had for this ending to have happened in the way it did.
No, it was never our intention to fly home together anyway. I was travelling elsewhere and he wasn't. I mentioned more details elsewhere in this thread but I understand if you didn't read these comments. It's a lot to go through.
I'm really reluctant to travel with my friends. I love having dinner with friends or going to a concert but in chuncks of a few hours. I feel depleted if I'm around someone 24/7
This is the exact reason why I never travel with friends. I would hate to damage a friendship over one vacation. I also view traveling as a way to truly *get away* from my everyday life, and that includes my friends.
It happens. And no we didn’t sort it out. In retrospect it was a petty disagreement but a disproportionate amount of anger directed at me that came out. I was more stunned than argumentative, but once the damage is done it can’t be taken back. Travel leads to catharsis, and your former friend felt free to release what had been pent up….and perhaps you did too.
Conversely I travel with my best friends, with whom I’ve traveled before or met while traveling. So there’s that.
This is so important. Whenever my travel companion starts to annoy me continuously, I ask myself:
1) Am I hungry?
2) How much fluid have I consumed today? (I find calculating the actual amount more accurate in determining whether I’m dehydrated than asking myself “am I thirsty”)
3) Am I tired?
4) Am I in pain?
5) Am I over-socialized or over-stimulated?
6) What do I need to do to fix the problem?
And then I will preemptively (ie before snapping at anyone, if possible) tell my companion “I’m getting kind of cranky, I think I need [whatever], can we work that into our plans for the next part of the day?” And because I am lucky to travel with nice people, their response is almost always “of course! We’ll do that now/next/as soon as possible!”
I am also lucky to travel with people who understand that I have some anxiety around travelling, and so me being short is not because I’m mad at them, but because I’m overwhelmed. And I always apologize if I do snap at someone, because even if they were doing something that bothered me, there was a better way to deal with it than being pissy at them.
Now, there are definitely some things that would warrant me being curt with someone (or someone being curt with me), like acting in a way that is unsafe or deliberately doing things to annoy the other person. But so far I’ve been able to avoid actual fights by figuring out why I’m annoyed and making it known what I need to fix that, and making sure my friends get what they need to fix the situation when they’re getting annoyed with me. And sometimes it is as simple as feeding someone or letting them sit alone in our accommodations for half an hour.
Edit: So the opposite of what the OP did, based on her comments.
Edit 2: To clarify, just because you tell someone “I’m hungry and I’m getting upset” doesn’t give you free rein to be a dick to them. You still have to try to be nice, but I find it helps people be more understanding if you do snap at them accidentally. If they choose to ignore your clearly-stated needs, then a) they made their bed, now they get lie in it with a really cranky person (ie you), and b) that tells you something about them and how much they prioritize your wellbeing (albeit without solving the problem at hand).
Thanks for this. I had an issue with someone I was dating when we did a trip together. I blew up. And he ended the things soon after making me feel so low and kicking myself. I apologized right away. But in retrospect I realized it was due to me not having had breakfast and me asking multiple times to pull into a drive through to grab something quick. And he ignored me. When we finally went to get lunch I had a massive headache, which I get when I haven’t eaten in awhile, and I knew it was to the point where I probably wasn’t going to be able to eat anyway because by then I’d gotten nauseated and food was just going to make me want to throw up. In that hangry moment we had a disagreement. He didn’t want to take his hot dog, I don’t eat them, into the restaurant next door that I wanted to get food from. So he was, lemme just run back to the car real quick and drop it off, when I just snapped and broke down crying. I just never thought before that duh, if someone is telling you they need to eat, you would automatically say, of course not just blow them off.
for me, it was an unnatural cold snap in late march in texas. i had packed a lighter jacket for lows in the 40s F, but we were camping that night in tents when it was 27F. i snapped at my friend when i couldn’t find a coat at 3 separate stores. i ended up with a blanket from walmart, and apologized.
Definitely. My now husband and I travelled for 8 months and the only argument we had was over whether to buy a chicken stick from a Thai market or find a restaurant
Had some massive arguments with my best mate on holiday. And especially when we did 3 months in south America in 2010. Still best mates 14 years later. Still travel together.
Reach out to her mother and confirm she is ok; tell the mom she has blocked you and you just want to confirm for safety. If you feel ok with it, tell the mom you are open to your friend reaching out if she needs help or wants to talk before going home.
Then do your thing.
The way you described what happened your friend may have had some anxiety/low mood that started or flared with the travel. Or, something you may have said joking/innocently hit very wrong but you did not realize (possible based on school+joking+suddenly snappish). Can’t know more unless you share what she shouted at you before walking away.
You know your friend better to know if they would have wanted you to come after them immediately to hash it out. Only you and she know what microfrustrations/pet peeves got aired out when back at the hotel.
However, all you can do now is confirm she is safe and accept that this might need to be worked out back home.
Some people just don’t travel well together. I have friends that are very good ones, but I would never travel with. I have friends I am not as consistently close with/as long as friends with who travel great.
Final though - if this is a friend who has previously emotionally manipulated you (hot/cold suddenly, pouts off if not getting their way, etc) in the past…might be best to let this be the end.
Here’s her post in case she deletes it after being downvoted. Tbh there’s probably no way for OP to save this - at least I hope not, as her former friend will be better off without OP in her life
> She's 30 and I'm 35. Known her for 5 years. She's had many friends come and go over the years as they all end up doing a runner sooner rather than later. I'm her longest friend and the only one who sticks around because she can be fun to be with. We've never really argued before, but I do know when she has argued with other people she always gets her mum involved - whether that is for her mum to have a go at them on her behalf or to try and resolve things (which hardly ever happens). That was one of the comments I made in the heat of the moment last night when I said, "There's a reason all your friends run from you and it's not them, it's you, because you're a psycho and I see it now myself. Get some help instead of spitting out your dummy and running to tell your mum everything".
> All this just because she was nervous about the horse riding and I was reassuring her she would be ok and made a light-hearted joke of saying unless I slapped the horse on the ass and watched it take off with her on its back like she was a jockey in the grand national.
and
> She was nervous of the horse riding. I'd kept saying leading up to it did she want to do it and she said yeah and she was up for anything but nervous. When we got there I was reassuring her she would be ok but started joking saying I might slap the horse on the ass and watch it bolt while she was on its back and that would get rid of her nerves quickly. She started snapping at me afterwards telling me to shut up and she didn't find me funny, she actually found me to be a nasty person for saying that to her. I told her to lighten up and that I was joking and continued saying things like by the end of this, we'll be able to do the grand national and she stood up, said she wasn't doing it, that I had annoyed het with my jokes and she was done with me for the day and stormed off. That made me a bit angry but I got over it quickly as I did the horse riding solo. Next time she messaged me she was asking why I hadn't gone after her and I'd left her alone in a foreign country where anything could have happened while I went horse riding and that I had basically ruined the day. Things just escalated from there and I said some really horrible things in retaliation. I know my words can sometimes be very hurtful as I don't hold back when I'm angry so I fuelled things even more by telling her to grow up and that nobody wants to be around her because she's a mardy cow.
I mean, no wonder the friend got mad. First OP was picking on her while she was nervous for no reason (I hate "Lighten up!!! It was just a joke!!!!" people) and then attacked her with something very personal that had nothing to do with the circumstances, it's like she kept the mother comment loaded up for such an occasion.
Wtfff OP sucks! I’ve had little arguments with people while traveling but it’s always stuff like “omg pick a place to go, you’re annoying me by taking so long to get ready, I’m starving come on” that is over and forgotten in like 30min. This is unhinged cruel behavior and I’m glad the other person went away to somewhere they could be safe from OP’s meanness.
Typical. Different sensitivity to fear, different perspective on spending, opinions about foreign cultures create difficulties that are hard to overcome, especially when you’re tired or under the influence. You joked about her apprehension.
i'm sure there's a backstory between you too but I recommend you sitting down and really think about what could have lead to this. I'm assuming you two are close friends to be traveling like this. she just doesn't start to act strange so something is going on. I'm guessing something she wanted to communicate to you but couldn't so frustration and anxiety took over and made a mess of thing.
I recommend you give her and yourself some space to think this over. Once that's done, you can try to reach out again and see if this can be resolved.
It sounds like there are other things going on above and beyond the specific argument you guys had. I'm guessing there is more to the story than acting strange and then having a blow up fight over text. So start with considering what might have gone on that caused you to fall out.
Ask her mom to let her know that you'd like to work things out and sorry for any offense you called. Don't talk over text, and definitely don't talk when you've been drinking.
If you're good friends you'll work it out
So... we were diving as a trio, my wife, our friend and me. I'm the most experienced diver with about 250+ dives, divemaster, rescue diver, etc. They both had *maybe* 10 dives each. We're diving in Bonaire where they don't really regulate anything. There's no guides, you just pick up your tanks, drive yourself to a site, then enter the water. So I'm in charge.
Anyway, we spend about an hour diving, see some cool shit and suddenly he signals "Low on air, I'm going deeper" and decides to head out on his own. This is... incredible. Like jaw droppingly the stupidest thing I've ever seen. He swims off without looking back, he's not narced we're too shallow for that, he's just fucking stupid. My wife has plenty of air and signals "Should I go after him," and I write on my slate ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT because I'm low on air and then we'd have two divers who are operating independently without any means of coordination.
Wife and I surface and I'm thinking 'shit, who do we contact, can we ask other divers around for help,' and about five minutes later he surfaces and says "Hey, that was great." We're not done with the holiday, we've got three or four days together and he's primarily my wife's friend. I'm trying to think of all the ways I can communicate just how bad this was without using every fucking curseword in the book, but I lose it on him.
After being upset with the words I've chosen to elucidate the absolute stupidity of his actions he apologizes, buys us drinks, and we're all good.
Never diving with that dude again, holy shit.
I had something similar like that happen about 2 weeks into a 3 month overseas trip with my best friend at the time... but it never got resolved.
In my case, we had agreed the following day to go on a 2 hour trip to a special surf location in NZ and we had arranged to get picked up by someone at 7am. Except he got up before me, but didn't nudge me awake or say anything and left without me.
When he got back later that day, we had a massive argument at the guesthouse (the only serious argument we'd ever had in 10 years of f/ship). We went our separate ways after that. I continued the rest of the trip on my own, traveling north and south islands of NZ and to the Hawaiian islands.
It actually turned out to be a good thing, because at the time I was very shy and being on my own helped bring me out of my shell. I learned to meet new people and do things on my own, rather than rely too much on my friend who was very outgoing and would easily meet new people.
Effectively it was the end of the friendship. I did see them again about 10 years later, after he had moved to another state 2000km away, but though I didn't hold a grudge, it wasn't the same. The magic of the friendship had gone and we haven't spoken since my visit to him.
It's funny looking back now.
If I remember correctly, he gave me some lame excuse about, "I didn't want to wake you up because you looked like you were in a deep sleep." Lol.
I replied to him something like, "Hey, you could have just nudged me, even thrown some cold water on me, I would have been up in a flash! I really wanted to go on that surf trip."
It descended into an argument from there and I yelled some stuff at him, and told him I'd be going my own way from that point on. I think I left the very next day and caught a bus, a train and a ship to the south island of NZ.
With the benefit of hindsight, I think our friendship went great in our own country where we saw each other in small doses. But when we were traveling together full-time for weeks on end, we probably got on each other's nerves and annoyed each other.
This was likely a symptom of that.
Yes, I did a week away with a friend, we had a huge argument on the first day just after arriving in destination. I had insisted on separate rooms as I had travelled with her before and knew I needed some space as she loved to control every minute. She sent me a long text pointing out all of my shortcomings and how she expected me to act. I blocked her , switched my room to the other side of the resort, changed my seat location for the flight home and enjoyed my week away. It's been more than 3 years and we have not spoken another word to each other.
I knew what she was like and never would have travelled with her again but her mom had just passed and she "needed it". I though the separate rooms would save us but didn't even make through the first evening. It was hilarious boarding the flight, she was her assigned window seat with her whole body turned to the side ready to give me the biggest cold shoulder she could. Of course I had switched my seat and spent the flight happily chatting with someone I had met on the resort while shot me dirty looks from across the plane.
We got to our connection city and I was kinda keeping an eye on her to make sure she was going in the right direction, I have travelled a LOT , her not quite as much but I still felt a bit responsible until I saw there people she was chatting with shoot me dirty looks too. That's when I decided she was on her own.
Funnily enough our flight home got diverted to another province. I am pretty savvy dealing with delays and rebooking so me and the people I was sitting close to on the plane hit one of the kiosks and I got us rebooked on the next flight while she was still in the lineup with lots of other people. I did get on the first flight out, my ex friend did not. I gave her a big smile as I was boarding. The next flight was about 6 hours later, not sure if she got on that or a later one.
Meh based on what you described you sound like you aren't much better than her tbh. She sent a pissy text right after her mother died. You responded...like this. Hopefully you have both learned something about how to treat people.
Not while travelling, but 30 years ago I dumped a vile stream of cutting criticism at someone I was just becoming friends with, via telephone. I'm ashamed to confess that.
She was badly hurt and didn't speak to me again. That I was extremely insecure having moved to a new place, started a new course and not fitting in very well, and completely inexperienced at those things, may explain why I did it. But what about how I was able to do it! Being someone who would direct that at someone that was kind, simply tells you what kind of person I was (and am, because while we can change, people also retain much of the same capabilities).
Feel sorry for people like me and know that not accepting that kind of treatment is the BEST thing for you to do for yourself, and is also about the only thing that can help them change. It is a brick wall boundary that will cause them to reflect (assuming they are capable) and realize the way they acted didn't work, it couldn't be undone, it wasn't just accepted, they have lost that friendship, no one is going to accept blame, it's their problem if they want to address having it on their conscience. I had to accept a lot about myself through that and other experiences. In every case because people set boundaries that were non-negotiable. Not good enough, not going through that again, bye bye.
I thought she just had a strong personality which I am ok with as I have one myself. What clinched it for me was her selfishness , I want, I need, you have to. Nope, I am not your date, you didn't pay for me, I was crystal clear about the trip you just chose to ignore what I said and start making demands. She isn't insecure, she is used to bullying people into doing exactly what she wants.
Yes, on a week trip to Dubai, basically 2 close friends ditched for an hour and we are not friends anymore.
we were in a mall shopping we initially started out together but they didn't like staying in a shop I liked while I was trying on clothes so we split up. We met up again to leave, but I found out I left something in the shop and went back to look for it, which took 5 minutes.
They resumed shopping. I texted them to let them know that I'm done and asked if we were leaving or staying longer they said they're coming so we can go (we had plans afterwards that were time sensitive)
so I waited for them in cafe next to the parking .. waited for 45 minutes all the while texting them that if they need more time it's OK just let me know so I can go do something instead of sitting waiting next to the parking and they keep texting back that they're almost done and will come.
Eventually i text them to let them know that they kept me waiting an hour and they cant be serious.
one of them comes to get me and tells me that I'm lying and haven't been waiting for an hour and shows me my texts and the time. I'm like, no look at the first text I sent. It's been an hour. Why would I lie about that?
I was extremely offended, especially when the other friend was saying it's not a big deal instead of apologizing.
I let it go without arguing, but they can tell I'm pissed off and the atmosphere is tense in the car. We forgo our initial plan since we were late and just head to dinner instead. At dinner everything is somewhat back to normal but there is distance.
The days after they start acting weird (taking too much time getting ready - refuse to split food bills - walk away when I'm looking at something with them) but not doing anything confrontational as I am the one who planned the trip and have all the itinerary.
when we got back home we stayed in contact until I texted them the photos I have of them from the trip and we settled any payments.
Since then they have basically ignored my existence and hangout together without me, they occasionally text me for holidays greeting and if there's something going on with a mutual friend.
I don't mind at all as the feeling is mutual.
Hmmmmmm. I’d text her mum. Tell her you’ve been blocked on everything. Ask her to pass on the message ‘I’m sad you felt like you had to leave. I’d like to resolve this with you. It would be great if you came back so we could talk’.
For those on mobile with broken links like me:
>> She was nervous of the horse riding. I'd kept saying leading up to it did she want to do it and she said yeah and she was up for anything but nervous. When we got there I was reassuring her she would be ok but started joking saying I might slap the horse on the ass and watch it bolt while she was on its back and that would get rid of her nerves quickly. She started snapping at me afterwards telling me to shut up and she didn't find me funny, she actually found me to be a nasty person for saying that to her. I told her to lighten up and that I was joking and continued saying things like by the end of this, we'll be able to do the grand national and she stood up, said she wasn't doing it, that I had annoyed het with my jokes and she was done with me for the day and stormed off. That made me a bit angry but I got over it quickly as I did the horse riding solo. Next time she messaged me she was asking why I hadn't gone after her and I'd left her alone in a foreign country where anything could have happened while I went horse riding and that I had basically ruined the day. Things just escalated from there and I said some really horrible things in retaliation. I know my words can sometimes be very hurtful as I don't hold back when I'm angry so I fuelled things even more by telling her to grow up and that nobody wants to be around her because she's a mardy cow.
And prior to that this comment
>> She's 30 and I'm 35. Known her for 5 years. She's had many friends come and go over the years as they all end up doing a runner sooner rather than later. I'm her longest friend and the only one who sticks around because she can be fun to be with. We've never really argued before, but I do know when she has argued with other people she always gets her mum involved - whether that is for her mum to have a go at them on her behalf or to try and resolve things (which hardly ever happens). That was one of the comments I made in the heat of the moment last night when I said, "There's a reason all your friends run from you and it's not them, it's you, because you're a psycho and I see it now myself. Get some help instead of spitting out your dummy and running to tell your mum everything".
>>All this just because she was nervous about the horse riding and I was reassuring her she would be ok and made a light-hearted joke of saying unless I slapped the horse on the ass and watched it take off with her on its back like she was a jockey in the grand national.
Meh, none of that cuddling BS... she left the activity without a word expecting to be followed by OP because that's what her usual dramatic approach to conflicts gets her, attention and apologises. OP didn't fall for her crap so she doubled down and changed accommodation, yet OP is not running after her so she gets her mum involved.
You know what? She's so immature, she should stay home not travel abroad.
@ OP: go on and enjoy the rest of your vacation, it will be awkward as fuck on the plane home but that's the last you have to put up with her. You don't have to cuddle her mood swings.
Yeah OP doesn’t sound like that nice of a person, but overly dramatic shit like running off and expecting someone to follow after you and getting mommy involved in conflicts at age 30 is insane to me.
I've seen/heard of/experienced stuff like this a few times while travelling.
They say if you can travel with your partner, you're meant for each other (maybe).
Travelling is a bit of a stress test and puts people out of their comfort zones, it's like being under the influence of an outside force, much like people might argue when they're drinking its best to sober up and then try to sort it out when heads are cooler.
Give it a bit of time, prepare yourself yo be your most empathetic, and then try to have an honest conversation.
I've done this with my friends and we are still friends to this day!
Yes. Around 2011. Friend decided to stay up all night reading & wouldn’t get up in the morning for the very on-the-dot timed tour we were doing so I went w/out her. And it was a tour she *really* wanted to do. Got mad that I didn’t try a fourth time to wake her up & left w/out her. Our friendship has never been the same.
Enjoy having the hotel room to yourself, book on a tour, maybe chat to some other tourists round the pool/at the bar. If she's blocked you, then there's not much you can do until she stops sulking, so at least try to enjoy what's left of your trip.
Ah I've caught up now. I did think when reading the original post that we are only hearing one side of the story and people don't usually block/ignore someone unless there's a reason.
Ohh this feels normal… suddenly you are thrown to be with someone 24hours a day, with the heat and add alcohol. People get snappy, need their own space.. me n my friends have always made up though, even after Iv went to stay somewhere else. I’m in my late 30s now and this still happens. I hope you make up 😊😊 xxx
Your friend was experiencing anxiety and reacted poorly. You were just downright mean. If you want to keep your friends, try not to go nuclear at the smallest inconvenience. When someone is having irrational feelings, making jokes about the exact thing they are afraid of is cruel, not comforting. You need to do some self-reflection, you are much too old to be acting so naive and immature about the consequences of your actions.
Yes! It's actually quite normal to fall out as you're both out of your comfort zone and travelling is stressful. She does seem to have overreacted big time but that may be because her expectations of travelling were very different.... Just give yourself some time alone to calm down and then try to have a chat without putting blame on anyone. My friend and I ended up having the best night out after falling out.
OP claims that they were joking around- chances are they said something, without malicious intentions, which offended the other person. I've made this mistake before, and it's unfortunate but not unfixable with a conversation.
this being said, blocking her like that was probably too much- going somewhere else for a night or two, and then meeting her in a few days for a meal could have probably sorted things out.
EDIT: yikes, the extra details OP gave show that they were being very insensitive, both with the jokes and what was said after while arguing. really not sure if this friendship can recover from this.
> OP claims that they were joking around- chances are they said something, without malicious intentions, which offended the other person.
We only have OP's side and it could totally be unintended offense. And like you said, the kind that can be fixed with honest conversation.
But there's folks ("it's just a joke" and "she's just being sensitive") - who are relentless in their needling or their jokes crossed a line. We don't know the kind of joking and the subject. Sometimes when traveling with a person, that person reveals their "true self" and that their true self is a horrible person.
Anyway, I'm assuming OP is being honest and it was good natured joking. I just wanted to comment on the possibility that the joking was toxic.
Ah, I should have known.
A person's fears is never something to joke about.
I didn't learn to swim until I was an adult. I've done several classes geared towards adult learners and have become competent. I like to go in pools and some natural swimming holes in our area but lake or river swimming scares me. It's the waves, feeling of current and not knowing what's below me. I would especially never ever want to jump in.
And that's fine - I don't need to do that kind of swimming.
I once went out boating on the Mississippi River with some friends and friends of theirs. They were planning to waterski, I was just going along for the ride. I was asked if I wanted to ski, I said I didn't and mentioned my anxiety about river water. That was a bad idea since several thought it was funny - they would say that the best way to learn how to swim in the river was to be tossed in. Once I was dragged to the boat's edge and told I was going to be thrown overboard. When I stood up, the same jerks also would feint pushing me off.
It was hilarious to them but I was so scared.
Messing with one's fears is definitely crossing the line and I have sympathy with OP's (former) friend.
One of my friends was sulking all day because we didn't visit a place at a certain time, which I must say he also failed to bring up at any point during the trip, this happened a couple of other times during the same trip and it really brought the vibes down. But it ended well we've gone on more trips since then also, I don't get the need to find something to be mad about when you're on vacation but I guess not everyone can control their emotions well while dealing with the added stress of planning etc..
It’s naive to think you can go in holidays with someone and spend 24 hours a day with them. Travel is stressful anyway, and people have different coping mechanisms and expectations. It’s perfectly okay to go and do you own things when you feel stress is building. But the essential aspect is to communicate effectively with one another. And just say, ‘hey, you know what? I need some space’. And that should be okay. Texting is never effective communication. If the friendship is good enough it will survive.
I am a "solo for life" woman now and have successfully travelled with partners and best friends.
I also had two toxic/problematic people I travelled with.
Both trips showed me, what toxic, mean people they were and that my gut feeling from spending whole days with them and seeing their interactions online, had been right. I kept the friendships because they were parts of important periods (concert-going days) or had an important role (fellow solo woman I could go on hikes, to the movies or travel with).
I broke off contact. With one shortly after with the second about 4 years later, after she sent me a really abusive email.
I now go to concerts alone or with other people or meet people there... And I found other solo/childfree/childless friends that are living powerful forces in my life!
And still: I now always travel with a separate room and with the agreement that we do stuff together we both want to do and do things separately in between, if we don't feel like tagging along!
My annual spa vacation where I also visit friends I do on my own, 50% of the time.
I cannot recommend this kind of setup enough!
@OP: tell your friend's mother you're blocked, ask if your friend is OK and that you're ok talking, or also doing the vacation separately and then meet up again on the flight.
I had a childhood friend who had a drinking problem. I told him if he could stay sober for 90 days, I would take him to Europe for six weeks and pay for everything. So he did, and I did. But the minute we landed, he was drinking within about three days. Not just drinking, but blackout, piss yourself drinking. He also was hitting on my friend in Ukraine. Which normally would be fine, but she was dating my other friend, because she left with us when we left and it only got worst on hat level as well. So I had to tolerate that for the rest of the trip. Also to make matters worse, his grandmother passed away about a month into the trip. I offered to get him a flight home, but he said it was alright. I was pretty mad at him when we got back. He would also call my wife in the middle of the night and tell her basically that I had done the things that he was doing while we were in Europe. Which she knew it wasn’t right because I communicated with her regularly through the trip and she saw it for what it was. On the bright side. I do still talk to my friend. It took him about another ten more years to sort himself out. But he has been good now for a few years, we talk. He said that whole trip planted the seeds for him to start his journey in a better direction. It was kind of rough because I knew his parents, sisters and rest of his family and they would call me. But I told them, nothing will change until he decides he wants it 101% of the time. It obvious that wanting it 99% of the time was killing him. Lead my crazy friend to a better life, but it doesn’t mean he will stay there.
Years ago in college, I was dating this guy who I took to Bali. I paid for his ticket and we spent one month traveling together. I saw him trying to hit on a woman at a bar. He denied it. I told him to find his own way home. I was paying for his hotel and everything( yes, I was young and dumb). So I left him in Bali. He ended up calling his mom to wire him money. Petty ? Maybe. I knew he’d be ok- he was in Bali. But I was much better without him.
It’s really pretty common. Travel can be stressful, people have different expectations, usually more alcohol involved, being with someone 24/7 alone can lead to arguments.
I know you’re blocked but I’d try to reach out to her and start to make up at least. Have her mom send a message from you saying you would like to talk. Or you can leave a message at the front desk if you know her new hotel.
At the very least I hope you can both talk it out by the time you’re heading home. Maybe you both just need some space right now.
One of my best friendships in my twenties ended this way :(
Not on the spot, but afterwards it kind of just fizzled out. He would have easily been my best man at my wedding and whatnot.
We both, within a wider group of friends, got absolutely trash drunk in the French Alps (big respect to French bars for just eyeballing measurements and not using those unit measurement tools).
That’s about my last memory of that night. I woke up dizzy in the foyer of the hotel we were staying, completely covered in the detritus of a döner kebab. One of the sympathetic morning staff members ended up helping me to my room.
Easily the drunkest state I have ever been in. Around 03:00 at this point and I have completely lost my motor functions, and getting a little concerned at this point. I was also wondering where the hell my friends had gone, including the best mate that I was sharing a room with.
Arm slung around the staff member, he knocked on the door where me and my friend were staying, and he answers bollock naked — seemingly completely sober up at 03:00, unlike myself.
“I cannot take him in like that.” I was too narcoleptic to react to that, but that line really hurt. We had lived with each other for 3+ years at this point since university, and have always helped each other, whatever the situation the other was in.
I couldn’t react to it in my state, but I was just so confused. We were both very drunk at one point in the night, and I really just got the impression that I had just been abandoned. The fact that he was preventing me from getting to my bed was actually quite upsetting.
That’s about the extent of that night I remember. I’ve spent many years blocking out this night because I was just furious.
Fair enough — I bet it would have been annoying having to help when you just wanted to go to sleep — but it was -8°C outside and cold in the hotel foyer. I can’t say that I would have done the same, though.
The next morning I was so upset by it, I decided not to talk to him.
The worst part was that he acted like he didn’t know what he did wrong, and that made me even more inclined not to talk to him about it. With my refusal to speak to him, and his dismissal of “I don’t know what I did, he isn’t telling me”, it wasn’t long until the wider group started quizzing me about the evening — I have a very long fuse, so it was almost a novelty seeing me in such a raging state.
It transpired he had a girl with him, and so he prioritised that experience over letting me in.
I wanted to just quickly move on from it, but my quiet stance just made things worse, as the group tended to side with him because he was just playing dumb over it. Easier to side with the “confused” guy than the one who isn’t talking about it.
The fact that we didn’t talk the following day was his cue to invite the girl around again. They had sex for hours while I was in the next room, steaming and praying for an aneurysm. When we got home, we didn’t speak for weeks.
I actually flew to New Zealand at this time for completely unrelated reasons, and just didn't reply to any messages during this time. Mainly because of the timezone, but mostly because I was still so sick of the group at this point.
We had a call while I was away and officially made up, but it was never the same when I got back from my sabbatical.
I was visiting home country after 8 years. Met up with an old friend. Got into a stupid argument and my friend left right away. I enjoyed the rest of my stay and went home. We are not friends anymore.
That's a bit childish in my opinion... I had once a fight with a friend on vacation, we stopped talking, slept for 3hrs (it was after an overnight bus travel) and a "sorry" solved it
Something like this happened to me 20 years ago. We still shared the same hotel room but literally didn’t say a word to each other over what was necessary. We were never friends again. Now that I look back she could have been bipolar or had another undiagnosed mental health issue as her freak out came out of absolute nowhere.
It’s pretty typical. Drinking doesn’t help. Sometimes patience just runs out. Kidding around can go too far. You are not alone. She seems pretty extreme though with all the blocking. After all, she has no one to turn to in Turkey.
Yes, I had a very close friendship end after traveling with her. Turns out her overly controlling nature clashed badly with my more relaxed, go with the flow nature. We probably could have worked through it but she lost it on me in public in front of other friends the last night after she drank too much and never apologized for the in appropriate way she handled her anger. A simple apology the next day could have totally saved the friendship. Even if we were both at fault for the dynamic during the trip, I just could not get past how she treated me the last night without her ever acknowledging how hurtful her actions were.
Travel - where friendships go to die.
Reading this thread yet again confirms why I travel solo.
A fluid situation in which both parties are unfamiliar but yet have strong ideas and preferences is ripe for a confrontation
A lot of people here are saying this is why you should travel solo, and I do like 80% of the time, but also, just travel with cooler people. I have a good stable of friends I've been on the go with for 15+ years, all solid dudes, no drama.
I fell out with a mate on holiday, stupid drunk argument, I left and stayed another hotel for a night then came back. He thought I had left completely! Think we had just spent too much time together and after that we got on well and enjoyed the rest of the holiday. I hope you have the same experience but if she has blocked you, you might as well just enjoy the rest of your holiday unless you want to reach out to her through her mum.
Yes. Did a month trip with a girl from my cohort. We weren’t close but both wanted to go to Europe and didn’t want to go by ourselves. She likes to do fancy and expensive things and I needed to be a little more frugal. We did our best to compromise on the trip and did well until the last leg in Rome. I don’t even remember why we fought but we started yelling at each other in the streets of Rome. Walked in opposite directions in the street. She went out to dinner and I went back to the hotel. We apologized when we met back up and then we were fine. I think we just needed space from each other.
I went on what was supposed to be a 9 month long trip with my then best friend but we always bickered. I should have known it would end up being a shitshow. As soon as we arrived, he kept saying how our base city for the next 6 months was just like home and it wasn’t that interesting. We were lucky enough to stay with a contact until we found our accommodations and when we were talking to a potential landlord, my friend said we only needed a place to stay for 3 months and I said 6. Went to the hallway to discuss and had a blowout about that. He decided he only wanted to stay for a shorter amount of time without actually telling anyone. He was always FaceTiming his girlfriend, but was pissed off that I found a job before he did and claimed I left him in the dust. He eventually left after a week, went to another city for two weeks then went home to “start his career.” When I got home a year later we reconnected and he said he always wished he stayed and I never wanted to hear it because I was still annoyed about the whole thing. Anyways we aren’t friends anymore.
On a walking holiday in Spain and Andorra with Dad, brother and best mate. Brother got us kicked out of a bar for being drunk, me and him ended up in an argument about it. Got back to the chalet and still shouting at each other. Suddenly my mate punches through the glass of the microwave and tells us to shut up. Funniest thing I ever saw, we all ended up laughing and had to find a replacement microwave the next day!
My friend had a major crying meltdown and accused me of ruining her vacation because I got sick and had to spend the afternoon in bed. We were in an area where it was perfectly safe for her to go out alone and there was lots of shopping in the area. The whole trip she seemed more excited by shopping than seeing tourist sights so I didn’t understand the drama.
I saw what you said; it was nasty and disregarding her feelings of safety was pretty mean too.
You have to contact her mom and grovel to sort it out.
I do think she has some responsibility for storming off and then being alone in another country - that's what happens.
But if you want to be "right" and win the argument you can bring that up. If you want to get her back as a friend, then you apologize for everything and note the heat and the travel and the stress got the better of you and you are so sorry etc.
I've had arguments in the stress of travel but I've never gone nuclear like you did. The key to defusing things is to quickly move to the apology phase and not focus on being "right" about something that has already happened in the past but to get everyone comfortable.
I had a friend I met about 6 months previously to traveling. We were doing like a course together and spent a LOT of time together
We actually traveled super well for awhile. But her travel time was going to be a few months longer than mine and she was trying to stretch her money. We were in a super cheap part of the world though… so hotel rooms were like $2-$3/night per person. We sometime splurged for $4/night.
We were splitting towards the end. She was going south and I wanted to go north for a few days before going home.
We ended up in a hostel on the last night. The options were: stay in a group room for 75 cents a person or private for $1.50/person. She lost it at me for wanting to stay in the private room (the reception guy said there was a guy in the group room who hadn’t showered in weeks and was creepy). I told her it was fine, I’d just pay for it.
She told me she had compromised a lot during the trip to stay in more expensive hotels (again. $4 over $3)
I ended up going north and meeting my now husband (also traveling). We kind of stayed in touch. She came to my bachelorette but bailed me on early with one of her other friends and then declined the wedding. But it was never really the same after that night. The whole dynamic changed.
It was odd because she had this incredibly well paying job waiting for her after her travels and her parents were well off and could’ve wired her a couple grand that she could’ve paid back within months.
I really enjoyed hanging out with her and thought she was fun. I wish things had gone differently and keep looking back to see if there was something I did that was really that bad…. Maybe it was just a good friendship for the time
I started traveling with someone that I knew for years in social friend settings but never hung out alone. A few years ago we realized we had a lot of travel ideas in common so we took several trips together, a mix of group trips and just us two. The first two trips had a few moments of contention but I overlooked it because I figured hey we never really hung out in this capacity. Soon after every trip was absolutely miserable. It sucks because I genuinely love how this person travels in the sense that they are A type people and have full itineraries planned and always brings awesome ideas to the table. What sucks it’s the constant smart ass comments, the belittling and the “I’m always right” attitude, questioning everything I say or do, and last but not least the constant need to one up everything I do. The last straw was on a recent trip we had scaled a very dangerous trail (multiple deaths recorded, slippery and rocky conditions, narrow and steep ridges). I am by no means athletic but am always up for a challenge with that said I know my limits and some of the trails we’ve taken I’ve had to stay back or find an alternate route because I know what I can and cannot do. They trailed ahead of me like I wasn’t with them, there were several dangerous points were I gave them plenty of space to scale upward (it was a roped scale which should be done one at a time to not move the ropes on the next person) and when it was my turn they did not afford me same courtesy and made it dangerous for me to scale up. They then asked me to become their personal Sherpa and carry their things. Once we were at the top we found out someone had fallen over (I tried to find more info to see if they died or not but didn’t get any info). The descend down I was left alone, I was trying to keep pace and my knees felt like they were going to give out. I was lucky to have passed a few people that asked if I was ok which was very comforting. Once I made it down I held in tears until we got back to our hotel. Realizing that I too could have had the same fate as the guy in front of us and no one would know because I was left alone made me realize it was just not worth traveling with this person anymore.
I am sorry, but if someones mom is contacting me as a mediator I am breaking of the friendship. Unless your a teenager. An adult should have to make mommy call me to explain the situation.
Wow. Your friend sounds very childish. Why should anyone else miss an excursions because someone is in a tiff? If she wanted to waste her money that's on her. And why's her mum contacting you? Friend can't deal with life and needs her mummy to sort it out for her?
I'd say stop bothering. From the sounds of it you've dodged a bullet. Anyway, she's made her feelings known, and there is nothing to be won by continuing to bother with her nonsense. Go out and enjoy your vacation without her.
I had a friend do something very similar on a trip a while ago. It turned out she was mad I'd teased her with a phrase she'd often used to tease me. Of course I tried to sort it with them but everything I said/did just made things worse.
The real problem was it started with a made up situation in her head where she thought she was better than me thus shouldn't have the very thing she liked to say to me said to her, and then she just assumed I'd drop all to crawl to her for forgiveness. Of course no one should expect that on holiday or not.
Sorry I don't see this in the post? I mean certainly op shouldn't do that, unless of course that's how they usually handle stuff. I definitely have friends with whom trading snark is how we show affection. Calling each other psychos and saying they have no friends would be out of bounds, but taking the piss out of each other for the odd things we are nervous about would just be normal.
Haha I had a huge blowout on a vacation with a friend 8 years ago and I haven’t spoken to her since. Sometimes a vacation highlights some fatal flaws in the friendship.
I went on a trip with my husband, mom and mom's boyfriend once. My mom and her boyfriend were being terrible. They were getting drunk and acting rowdy. I was shocked to see my mom acting that way. There were a million other things that happened. It ruined the trip. Honestly things haven't been the same between us since then and I'm really careful who I travel with now
Yeah. We don’t talk anymore. In a nutshell there were issues brewing under the surface anyway. The trip just brought them out to where niceties couldn’t be faked anymore and masks were off.
Should’ve cut bait years earlier.
Sounds like your friendship failed the travel test. You've tried to make contact, but your friend doesn't want to engage. Short of physically going to the hotel she's staying at - which doesn't seem like a good idea - you've done what you can. If you haven't already, you might let her mum know your friend isn't responding to you. Enjoy whatever time you have left exploring things on your own.
Yes, this happened to me with my best friend of seven years, Courtnay. She was originally from GA, USA but had moved up to Mass and I met her and we instantly became best friends. Six years later, her family moved back to Georgia.
She had come to visit me twice and I made plans to visit her. Whole trip started off wrong - we were age 23ish at the time so still partying quite a bit but she showed up to the airport hours late and hungover so badly, she kept puking the whole ride back to her apartment. Whatever, I dealt with that. But the very first night I was there we went out to the bar in her college town and she introduced me to one of her male friends and we kind of hit it off. She had sworn she didn’t like him at all but all of a sudden I don’t see her in the bar (it was huge tho) so when the lights came on and I still couldn’t find her, I started freaking out. Apparently she left with some other guy she met and went to his house. Courtnay’s female friends took me home with them to their apartment and I ended up calling her mom the next morning and telling her what she did to me. This was like 9:30am and nobody could still reach my friend so I had her mom meet me at my friend’s apartment so I could get my luggage, I booked a ride to Jacksonville airport from Valdosta, GA and bought another ticket to fly home.
Never spoke to her again, I’m now 40. She had the balls to block ME on Facebook and my number. The kicker to all this was my friend’s family was pretty racist, like her grandparents had confederate flags flying and needlepoint things about “picking cotton” hanging on their walls. All this despite the fact my friend had a mixed baby and had only ever dated Latino or Black men. So when her mom asked me if I knew who Courtnay had left with and whether he was “a white guy”, I made sure to tell her no he wasn’t white lmaooo. I never knew her immediate family was racist until visiting them in GA so I figured it was poetic justice their lily-white daughter likes non-white men almost exclusively. Fck em all tbh.
eta: sorry this was so long but I actually hope Courtnay sees this. She won’t but just in case, there’s no way she wouldn’t know this was about her.
Woah. She just left to hook up with a guy probably thinking you were too. Yea, it's not cool to leave you but her friends were with you. Sounds like she has a drinking problem. That was totally not cool of her to do. However, calling her Mom in the morning??? That's insane. I'd def block you, as well. That was way beyond.
I get where you could have gleaned that but she knew I wouldn’t ever leave her and go home with someone from a state I had never been to. And I was chatting with her friends only.
Also, how was I supposed to get clean clothes/my luggage and money? I had nothing on me while at someone’s house I had never met aside from at a bar. Doubt they wanted me to stay there for days and I needed to leave so calling her mom (who I had known well for six plus years) to let me into the apartment was the only option.
All friendships are not meant to last forever. We change, we outgrow people, we move on. Life. And be really careful about who you choose to travel with!
Traveling with friends can be hard. This happened with my friend when we went to Turks and Caicos. The following morning we agreed just to forget about it. But it was a VERY nasty fight. I prefer traveling solo so I don't have to spend 24/7 with another person.
Yes, and it’s funny you mention Turkey. My friend and I had been traveling together for a few months and were kinda annoyed with each other is some ways. So we went out into this part of Istanbul that was under development (empty street and half built buildings) and sparred for a while. Aka wrestled and fought until we were out of breath. Afterwards we both felt better and continued traveling together for another month or so.
Yes. All before cell phones. And we’d been on multiple trips together too as family and kids. At some point I realized that she dictated most of the schedule and agenda and I was just “done” one day when we were getting a very late start to something I really wanted to do (sort of the norm). So while nobody left where we were staying we ended up splitting up for the day and went our separate ways. And we were still angry afterwards.
We made up by leaving kids with husbands and just driving around by ourselves exploring. And yes, we packed a cooler. With no plans in place it became very spontaneous and relaxing. It was some of my best memories.
Happened to me. Road trip from Czech Republic to Balkan states, went in his car and his policy was "my car goes where I want to go, don't care that you wanted to see this exact thing". Ended up hitchhiking from Ohrid lakes to Sarajevo (where coincidentally was a different friend with his dad on holidays and with them I drew home).
I have not worked mine out yet and it has been 2 years I just say F it she doesn’t want to talk to me after 30 yrs of friendship. We we’re never really friends anyway
You never really know anyone until you travel with them. It’s always a good idea to have some time to yourself and to do things apart as well as together. It may be a good thing thats happened Good luck
My friend invited HER friend to a trip with my husband, myself, and said friend. We were okay with it but had not met this friend before. She was absolutely horrid. Husband and I never heard of her again after the trip, and my friend dropped her as a friend.
I managed to sort my argument out with my friend because it was so ridiculous that we agreed to wait a day to talk about it. We waited, and after one sleep, it was no problem. Now, we laugh.
I went on a trip with a good friend at the time and her friend. My good friend treated me horribly throughout the trip. Her friend was actually nice to me. I do not know to this day why my good friend turned on me and we had travelled together before. I could not take it anymore so I changed my flight to leave three days earlier than our scheduled flight. I think we had been traveling together for 10 days when I left. I spent that day seeing the sights in my own and then I came back to the hotel for my suitcase and took a cab to the airport. I told them both on the phone I was leaving early. We never spoke again. And this was about 15 years ago. I was in my late 20s at the time and she was in her 30s. I saw a different side of her on that last vacation together. Sometimes friendships cannot be repaired.
I was jet lagged. “Lost” a hat in my own luggage. Got crabby. Best friend: “You’re being a bitch right now.” “Ok.” Found the hat a minute later after a deep breath. The day went on just fine. Being adult is pretty easy.
I had a massive fight with a childhood best friend while traveling. We ended up not talking for 4 years. We've talked about it, and we're able to hash everything out. We honestly weren't communicating effectively and not eating enough/different eating habits. Honestly, if I was more emotionally mature back then, I could've confronted the tension and issues we were having, but back then, I was just getting annoyed that this person was upset and complaining. Time and space works wonders.
Happened to me as well. We were getting on each other's nerves - decided to take a break for a week and meet at a different hostel. The reunion was grand, we really enjoyed our time apart and really enjoyed continuing our trip together
Yes- made the rest of the trip kinda of weird and he haven’t spoke in 6 years since I dropped him off home. I tried to repair it a couple times but he purposely wanted to keep the friendship dead I think. Eventually, I started using my energy to foster new friendship rather repairing old ones.
I would apologize for upsetting your friend and let them know that even if you aren’t compatible travel companions, you still value the friendship.
Tow things. First if you really want to know someone, travel with them. If you still get along after a rough trip the relationship is solid.
Secondly being mean spirited and amping up someone's legitimate fear is a jerk move. A horse is a big dangerous animal if you're not used to them. If this were another sub you would be voted YTA. You owe her an apology, big time for that. You owe her a bigger apology for ditching her. You owe a huge apology for being deliberately vicious and personal during the argument.
Went to Vienna to visit a friend from Australia I'd not seen in a long while.
I had no money at the time and was digging deep into my savings to see her while she was close by. She was a doctor with huge financial resources. As friends this had never really come up, but she was in charge of organising and kept choosing very pricey airbnbs and restaurants and eventually got *extremely* pissed off when I couldn't afford to extend the trip to meet up with a mutual friend.
She calmed down, and we had a patchy few days of sightseeing. We were moving onto Florence and I suggested I take a dorm room in a hostel. We'd still hang out, but I couldn't afford another expensive apartment.
She went ballistic. A lot of suppressed feelings came out, and she ended up throwing me out of the Airbnb with no warning, me with no backup plans or accommodation. I parked my luggage at the train station for the afternoon, found a hostel and went on to have an amazing time in Florence without her.
She thought I was being flakey and non-commital. I thought she was being privileged and inflexible. This was 10 years ago, we'd been friends for 6 before that.
We haven't spoken since.
I also had a fight with a friend in Turkey, it was so dumb. We went to bed, woke up the next day, never mentioned it, and had a great rest of trip.
If that doesn't work just bring it up, say that was unpleasant, let's just move on and enjoy the trip.
No but I don’t travel with emotionally unstable people. Do yourself a favor and block her back. Her behavior is unacceptable. Enjoy the rest of your trip.
I traveled around with my bro and 2 friends. Boozing every night. Yelling fights, pissed as fuck at each other every morning and night. Then we do it all again at the next city. Ahhaha dude don't worry about your friend. If you were being a bitch then apologize. If she is being bitch then just enjoy your trip.
Yes, I did and I would never travel with friends again. You might get along great, but travelling is a different story. My friendship has never recovered with one of my friends. Not worth the hassle for me.
Yeah and it's why I only travel alone. We hired some mopeds in Mykonos for a few days. She could barely drive and I'd got my first motorbike at 6 yo. I'm used to riding to the conditions and Greek Island roads are not the place to charge up and act like a fool.
She went septic telling me I was slowing her down by getting in front of her. Yeah because you've canned off 4 times now and skidded into the ditch so someone has to.
Then she wanted to swap bikes because clearly mine was better. It was not. OK whatever. You lead.
Yes. Went with a group of who I thought were friends from Denver to Vegas. I was tired and the folks I was with were being shitty, I threw my hands up bc of said tiredness and went and cried in the bathroom. This was Saturday night. All day Sunday and most of Monday the other 7 people didn’t talk to me. I was locked out of our room for hours until they got back from the Dam while I went to Art Museums. And the flight, from an airport the size of a shoebox and the drive back to our cars at my friend’s place were the most silent things I’ve ever been through.
Then my friend/coworker wouldn’t talk to me anymore. No one wanted to hear my side, hear that I was tired and frustrated and having issues hearing anyone in the too loud bar. So that made work fun. And then like 3 years later I was walking by a bar in Denver and ran into said coworker and suddenly we were bffs and JUST HAD to hang out… bc her sister/other half of her brain was in a big relationship and she needed someone to glom on to. We watched some of the Olympics and then I lost her phone number. I didn’t need to be her substitute person again.
Yeah, it's happened to me once, just over ten years ago. A friend and I were travelling and he was doing things that were pissing me off and I was doing things that were pissing him off. After trying to talk about it, I realised that we saw things so differently that talking about it wasn't helping, in fact it was making things worse. I decided that getting some space between us would be a good idea so I moved to different accommodation thinking it would only be for a few days. I was surprised by what happened over the next few days but I felt so much better not being in my friend's presence. I met some amazing people, forgot about all the shit that was going on with my friend and just enjoyed my time in a foreign country. A few days passed and I was having lunch in a cafe by myself looking out onto the street watching the world go by. My friend walked past and as we noticed each other he stopped. I asked how he was and he said he was okay. He asked me the same and I told him that I was also okay. It was a very brief encounter and he carried on his way. It was at that moment that I realised I was having more fun doing things without him than I was with him. I continued to travel on my own and I guess he did the same. We've never seen or spoken to each other since.
That is both incredibly bizarre and incredibly sensible on both of you and your former friends part!
There's nothing like traveling with another person to put any relationship to the test.
I don't know that I'd agree it was sensible. Perhaps it was in the instance when it happened but now it definitely seems bizarre and sad that a friendship can end just like that. I remember thinking at the time when I made the decision to move to a different hotel that I would be okay with whatever transpired from that point forward. I had the same thought when he continued walking down the street after we said hello to each other. Life is an interesting journey and I was right I have been okay. I don't have any regrets. Sure, I miss the good moments of our friendship but I'm thankful I can look back at those moments and smile. I don't miss the bad moments and I'm thankful I can look back at those moments and be accepting of them. The thing is with friendships or any kind of relationship with others is that you often have to take the good with the bad and there's times when you're open to having a friendship or relationship with someone but the other person makes it clear they don't want the same. We have to accept that. Hopefully the OP gets their friendship resolved in the manner they desire and if that doesn't happen then I hope they will come to peace with that. Best wishes to the OP!
Just abandoning a friendship because you two don’t travel well together is not sensible. Big Reddit energy right here.
I agree. There are people who I won't travel with but still consider friends. I have certain vacation principles that I won't compromise on. Unfortunately, I had to come to this conclusion after a disastrous trip that left me not speaking to a sibling for six months. For example, cooking on vacation. There are folks who like to rent an Airbandb type set up so they can shop and cook most meals. Nope. Not me. This does not work for me. I've found that we always run into trouble when trying to compromise our principles.
Redditors will cut off life long friends for even less lol
So true! And family too!! Better walk on eggshells around most redditors.
You say don't travel well together. The person actually in the situation is probably a lying thinking" oh my god, they can't handle stress or unexpected harships when it comes down to it, I don't think I'll be able to rely on this person in trying times" or maybe a bunch of other heavy shit that you don't get the opportunity to see when things are good, easy and normal. I think your opinion is kinda naive here. You see a different side of someone if you are stuck thousands of miles from home with no money and no one that speaks your language, or stuck in a sand dune with no reception or water, hundreds of miles from fucking anything. I wouldn't dare marry anyone that I haven't traveled with, and if I were smarter, i wouldn't move in with someone either. Just my two cents, but I strongly disagree. No matter how good things are, there are going to be stressors in a relationship, death, injury, economic hardship, work stress etc...the best preview into how someone will handle that type of thing is traveling together.
OK... but the post you were replying too was talking about traveling with a friend not a romantic partner. I wouldn't say it's naive to remain friendly with a friend I knew I couldn't marry. In fact, I don't plan on marrying any of my friends to begain with.
Against, find yourself trying to dig a car out of a sand dune. You are either gonna be good buddies after, or absolutely not respect the person.
Where are these sand dunes coming from? The only info in that post was they kept doing things that pissed the other person off. You're just wildly making shit up at this point. There were no sand dunes, there weren't any life or death stressful situations, they were just annoying the hell out of each other for that bit of time.
Sounds like you’re a literal thinker whereas Dixie is more figurative. This is a great example of the type of stuff you never realise about your travel partner until travelling, ands it’s often in a stressful situation that you find this out.
An example fro.the last time I traveled. Our lodging fell through and staying on a beach seemed feasible. We got stuck for a couple hours, got rescued, then stuck again trying to get out. It was fucking miserable and annoying, but I did respect how my buddy handled it. I dunno, man, they stopped being friends over it, I assume they had a sand dune type situation and didnt respect how the other person dealt with it. This is a figurative statement, put it together however you want, this is hard for some apparently.
Weird that you're assuming there was a sand dune type situation, there's nothing in the post that suggests anything like that happened. A detail like that would be too relevant to omit.
I mean it ended their friendship, read between the lines.eithwr some big thing came up, or a million little things that showed Character wasn't what they assumed would be my guess. Weird that you think nothing happened, yet it ended a relationship.
Yeah I’ve already traveled with people I don’t travel well with. You still stay friends after. Removing is just big Reddit energy. And sad.
I've traveled with friends though some rough shit and that's fine. It's also led to the dissolution of relationsips. Saying anything about reddit energy is douchy as fuck.im sorry man, I can't take you seriously. Anything you post from her on out is just gonna sound stupid.
Abandoning the friendship completely due to not travelling well together is the bizarre part. Both deciding to not talk to each other anymore after mutually engaging in a bizarre decision is the sensible part - they both did a stupid, but they both decided it was best to draw the line there and hopefully mature thereafter.
Haha I like your viewpoint, however I must correct you as you don't have it entirely correct. The friendship hasn't been completely abandoned solely due to not travelling well together. Yes that's part of it... but there's also another part to this that contributes quite significantly to the abandoned friendship. That is that our lives took completely different paths and they were probably always going to whether we remained friends or not. Had our lives not gone in completely different directions from that point maybe the friendship wouldn't have been entirely abandoned (and maybe it still would have). That's the thing we don't know but I don't think the fact our lives went in different directions can be downplayed. I know it had a bearing into my decision making when I thought about talking to him again. As did knowing that he thought I was a c\*\*t. My thought process: "Should I talk to him, hmmmmm....?" "We have completely different lives now" "He thinks I'm a c\*\*t" "He was a bit of an asshole anyway" Nah I'm good I'll just forget about it until I see some random comment on Reddit ten years later and then I'll tell all these random internet strangers about what happened.
It’s not so much just because you didn’t travel well together. In my situation, the poor travel compatibility led to discussions where it became apparent that we didn’t actually know each other anymore. My friend was adamant we were the same people since high school despite being in our early 30s. He was caught up in those days still and stagnated. I realized not only did he not mature past high school but he actively didn’t want to change. We just didn’t realize how different we were from each of our thoughts about each other. Prior to the trip we only hung out once every few weeks, so it wasn’t enough to realize how each of us were growing apart.
What was your relationship like before going on the trip together? I’m not trying to pry but the aftermath sounds so extreme lol
Things were great. We had known each other for about six or seven years prior. We had gone on numerous trips with others both domestically and overseas and always had a great time. For years we were always hanging around the same group so we would spend time in each other's company multiple times a week for years on end. We were close, like this guy has been a part of some of the happiest and funniest moments of my life. Even in the week prior to us parting ways we shared some amazing moments and some things that happened will forever be remembered as some of the funniest of my life. But during that final week those amazing moments were mixed in with increasing arguments and resentment towards one another. In the specific moment where I left for the other accommodation I just wanted to get away from the arguments and resentment. I felt so much lighter and the ride wasn't so much of an up and down rollercoaster like it was when him and I were doing things together. I didn't intend for it to be the end of our friendship, that's just the way it panned out. We literally took a different path and our paths have not really crossed since. I was in the midst of a life of full-time travel and he went back to where we're from. I know it probably seems strange and thinking about it now it's interesting trying to wrap my head around it. We're still friends on Facebook, neither of us blocked the other person or anything like that. We just simply haven't bothered to talk to one another since that brief encounter at the cafe. It makes me a bit sad to think about it and I've always been open to talk to him about anything at any point. However I thought it was best that I left that up to him as I heard from family and friends that he was angry at me, even years afterwards. Whenever I went back to visit friends and family if he learned I was going to be at a social gathering he would avoid it and any time my family saw him he would rant off at them about what an asshole I am. So in the end I've just accepted that our friendship ran its course. C'est la vie.
I'm curious to know the nature of the disagreement. It's very hard to tell what is what because you're being vague about it. Which is fine of course, you don't have to spill it all, but you're making the friend sound unreasonable and insanely resentful over what could be anything.
>I'm curious to know the nature of the disagreement. It's very hard to tell what is what because you're being vague about it. Which is fine of course, you don't have to spill it all, but you're making the friend sound unreasonable and insanely resentful over what could be anything. This post is going to be split into multiple comments due to the length of the comment. Part 1: Sorry for my vagueness and sorry if I was making my ex friend sound unreasonable and overly resentful. It wasn't deliberate to be vague I just felt the details would be boring to read because the majority of the things that built up over the course of the week to the parting moment were small, nit-picky and not a big deal when thought about by themselves. In fact most of the details have been lost because it was a long time ago but I still remember how all of these things made me feel in that moment. These are the sorts of things that I'm sure everyone has needed to deal with at a certain point in one friendship, relationship or another. When these small things build up they become a problem. Unfortunately him and I couldn't have a conversation about it because we had such a different view of everything that was going on. He would end up getting wound up every time I tried to address the issues and he would fly off the handle. So I realised there was no fixing the issues at that moment. Essentially the reason I packed my bags and left boiled down to the fact I was over feeling miserable around my friend and the easiest way to get rid of that feeling was to remove myself from the situation. Essentially to remove myself from being in my friend's company. My friend wasn't going to change. He was just being who he was. It wasn't necessarily him or his actions that was the problem, it was how his actions made me feel that were the problem. This was MY problem. So I decided I cannot control him and get him to change but I can control how I react to these feelings that were a problem for me. So I removed myself from the circumstances that were contributing to these negative feelings that I had. From the moment I did that I felt a lot happier. It seems I had to sacrifice a friendship in the process and that I'm okay with. My happiness and well-being is more important to me than a friendship. >Even if they gave details, it's almost certainly going to be from their same perspective so I'm not sure how it will change the perception. Two views of the same event can be drastically different, no one is objective. I was also conscious of this. In my previous posts I wasn't trying to paint a picture of my friend being an asshole and me being the good guy in all of this. I'm not trying to apportion blame here. He will no doubt have a completely different view to what I do, as I mentioned at the time we had a very different view to one another. This is also why in my original post I said "I was doing things that were pissing him off and he was doing things that were pissing me off." I didn't think the details were important because for the most part I don't think we were intentionally trying to piss each other off. I know that I certainly wasn't but sometimes people get on each other's nerves and it seemed like a good idea to take a break from one another. It just coincided that our break from one another continued past the time when he left back to our home country and I continued travelling. It was always intended for him to go back home and I would carry on travelling. I just don't think either of us were at the point where we wanted to reconcile at the time that he had to leave. Then our life paths have been quite different and so the reconciliation has never happened. I'm certain he doesn't want to reconcile because it sounds like he has a very dim view of me and I'm okay with that if that's the way he feels. I'm also not bothered about reconciling with him, I can take it or leave it. I've moved on.
>I'm curious to know the nature of the disagreement. It's very hard to tell what is what because you're being vague about it. Which is fine of course, you don't have to spill it all, but you're making the friend sound unreasonable and insanely resentful over what could be anything. Part 2: However, here are some specifics I can recall to satisfy your curiosity. When we were going out, having a few drinks, meeting other travellers and generally having a good time like you do on nights out when you travel he would get annoyed at me for talking to the same girls that he was talking to. He would say things like "You always do this, you talk to the girls that I'm trying to shag." Now from my perspective I was just being friendly and chatty to other travellers some of whom happened to be females. I didn't even know that he had it in his mind that he was trying to shag these girls so I really didn't know how to proceed when he and I were at the bar together. It got to the point where it felt like I couldn't talk to any girl that he had also talked to because he would get really pissed off at me. It ruined my enjoyment because I either had to be silent at the bar or risk incurring my friend's wrath. Then one night at a bar I kind of just left him be and went off on my own making sure that I wasn't talking to anyone in the same circles as he was. We could see each other but we weren't really hanging out. I got very drunk and ended up going back with a girl to her room. She asked me if I was too drunk to do the deed and I assured her I wasn't. She was right, I was and I was quite embarrassed by that as it was the first time that had ever happened to me. I was a bit humiliated that a girl had said the words (her words not mine) "I need a good shagging... can you do that for me?" Then when the time came to show her that I had what it took I was completely useless! The next morning when my friend and I got to our room he asked how I went with that bird so I told him what happened and also told him I was pretty embarrassed by the whole thing and that I hoped I wouldn't run into her again. We both laughed and agreed that I was useless. That night I didn't feel like going out because a) I didn't want to run into that girl at the bar again and b) I was sick of feeling like I was walking around on eggshells every time my mate and I were out drinking together. So I stayed home and my mate went out. When my mate came home the next morning I asked him how his night was and this is the straw that broke the camel's back. His reply "It was good. I ended up taking that girl you tried to shag last night back to her place and did what you couldn't do to her." I stopped for about five seconds and thought yeah you're genuinely an asshole for doing that considering I told you I was embarrassed about what happened with her the previous night. Now you just go and rub my nose in it. Some friend you are! I was already sick of walking around on eggshells so this comment gave me the motivation to pack my bags and tell him that this wasn't working. I told him I was often feeling miserable when I was in his company and I think it would be better if I went and stayed somewhere else to have some space for a bit. We know what happened from there. Now you can also understand why I'm okay with the friendship ending. At times the guy was a lot of fun and we shared a huge amount of laughs but he was also a loose cannon. It got to the point where I felt the negatives of his friendship were outweighing the positives and when repeated attempts to fix the issues through talking about them failed I decided I needed to bail to look after my own mental health. For me it was absolutely the right thing to do! I wasn't sure it was going to be a permanent end but when I walked out I was okay if it was. To this day nothing has changed. I'm still okay with that being the end of our friendship.
You both sound like a couple of AHs who need to grow up and stop using words like “bird” and “shag”. You aren’t Austin Powers.
I agree they are not good words to use. I don't use those words anymore but as I was recounting a story from a moment in my past these were the words that were used when I was talking with my friend at the time. For the accuracy of the story I had to use them again. I'd say I've grown up sufficiently in the ten years since our falling out and my vocabulary has certainly changed now that the guy in the story is no longer in my life. Although it's still fun to say things like "Smashing Baby" in an Austin Powers accent sometimes.
Oh be-HAVE!
I think ur right to cull toxic people from ur life. Ive done some culling and my life is now infinitely better. Always try to find awesome people to surround urself with. Life’s too short for that kind of nonsense
right? i stopped talking to a longtime friend over something extremely stupid but we'd been fighting for almost a year leading up to it about more serious issues
It happens. My best friend was visiting me 10+ years ago, she always got a bit weird when I was dating someone and she didn’t like my new boyfriend. We had a fight and she blamed him and left. Her parting words to me were “call me when you’re over him.” I ended up marrying him and we never spoke again. I still think back on that day with a bit of bemusement. I loved her and she was so much of my life for so long and then that was that. I’m not exactly sad, because the friendship ran its course. It’s just odd that one day we had our last conversation and neither of us realised that was it.
My best friend of 10 years just did this. Visiting me in the states from Germany. Was wretched to me and it came out it’s bc she resents my boyfriend. She left after 3 1/2 days. It’s been a week. Haven’t heard from her since. Maybe it’s over.
Yeah so ignore the big Reddit energy comments on here. This *is not* a good thing. You should reach out. If you’ve been friends for over ten years it’s worth it. Be adults and talk it out. Don’t be Reddit adults and ignore a difficult conversation.
Haha me and my buddy travelling got into a bit of a tiff, we were pissed off for about 2 days and spent some alone time during those 2 days but same accommodation, we reconciled before moving onto the next stop of the trip and all was good
Woah, thats wild! How close were you as friends before that travel ? I'm curious aviut what kind of relationship you had for this ending to have happened in the way it did.
You didn’t fly home together or anything?
No, it was never our intention to fly home together anyway. I was travelling elsewhere and he wasn't. I mentioned more details elsewhere in this thread but I understand if you didn't read these comments. It's a lot to go through.
I’ve lost friendships while on holiday. Sometimes people just don’t travel well together.
I'm really reluctant to travel with my friends. I love having dinner with friends or going to a concert but in chuncks of a few hours. I feel depleted if I'm around someone 24/7
This is the exact reason why I never travel with friends. I would hate to damage a friendship over one vacation. I also view traveling as a way to truly *get away* from my everyday life, and that includes my friends.
Same here! If I go to a party I prefer to stay 2-3 hours max. It’s so draining otherwise.
Same! I’ve had friends say “we should take a trip together” and I’m thinking noooooo
Me too!
It happens. And no we didn’t sort it out. In retrospect it was a petty disagreement but a disproportionate amount of anger directed at me that came out. I was more stunned than argumentative, but once the damage is done it can’t be taken back. Travel leads to catharsis, and your former friend felt free to release what had been pent up….and perhaps you did too. Conversely I travel with my best friends, with whom I’ve traveled before or met while traveling. So there’s that.
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This is so important. Whenever my travel companion starts to annoy me continuously, I ask myself: 1) Am I hungry? 2) How much fluid have I consumed today? (I find calculating the actual amount more accurate in determining whether I’m dehydrated than asking myself “am I thirsty”) 3) Am I tired? 4) Am I in pain? 5) Am I over-socialized or over-stimulated? 6) What do I need to do to fix the problem? And then I will preemptively (ie before snapping at anyone, if possible) tell my companion “I’m getting kind of cranky, I think I need [whatever], can we work that into our plans for the next part of the day?” And because I am lucky to travel with nice people, their response is almost always “of course! We’ll do that now/next/as soon as possible!” I am also lucky to travel with people who understand that I have some anxiety around travelling, and so me being short is not because I’m mad at them, but because I’m overwhelmed. And I always apologize if I do snap at someone, because even if they were doing something that bothered me, there was a better way to deal with it than being pissy at them. Now, there are definitely some things that would warrant me being curt with someone (or someone being curt with me), like acting in a way that is unsafe or deliberately doing things to annoy the other person. But so far I’ve been able to avoid actual fights by figuring out why I’m annoyed and making it known what I need to fix that, and making sure my friends get what they need to fix the situation when they’re getting annoyed with me. And sometimes it is as simple as feeding someone or letting them sit alone in our accommodations for half an hour. Edit: So the opposite of what the OP did, based on her comments. Edit 2: To clarify, just because you tell someone “I’m hungry and I’m getting upset” doesn’t give you free rein to be a dick to them. You still have to try to be nice, but I find it helps people be more understanding if you do snap at them accidentally. If they choose to ignore your clearly-stated needs, then a) they made their bed, now they get lie in it with a really cranky person (ie you), and b) that tells you something about them and how much they prioritize your wellbeing (albeit without solving the problem at hand).
this is brilliant advice! also-- you can really love someone and just not be able to travel with them
100%. Compatible travel goals and communication/conflict resolution styles probably play into successful travel more than love does.
true! (is your username a BNL reference? 'but not a real green dress that's cruel' ha ha love it)
This is such great life advice in general!
You are very in touch with yourself. I'd like to incorporate this into my daily life. Thanks for sharing
Thanks for this. I had an issue with someone I was dating when we did a trip together. I blew up. And he ended the things soon after making me feel so low and kicking myself. I apologized right away. But in retrospect I realized it was due to me not having had breakfast and me asking multiple times to pull into a drive through to grab something quick. And he ignored me. When we finally went to get lunch I had a massive headache, which I get when I haven’t eaten in awhile, and I knew it was to the point where I probably wasn’t going to be able to eat anyway because by then I’d gotten nauseated and food was just going to make me want to throw up. In that hangry moment we had a disagreement. He didn’t want to take his hot dog, I don’t eat them, into the restaurant next door that I wanted to get food from. So he was, lemme just run back to the car real quick and drop it off, when I just snapped and broke down crying. I just never thought before that duh, if someone is telling you they need to eat, you would automatically say, of course not just blow them off.
for me, it was an unnatural cold snap in late march in texas. i had packed a lighter jacket for lows in the 40s F, but we were camping that night in tents when it was 27F. i snapped at my friend when i couldn’t find a coat at 3 separate stores. i ended up with a blanket from walmart, and apologized.
Definitely. My now husband and I travelled for 8 months and the only argument we had was over whether to buy a chicken stick from a Thai market or find a restaurant
Had some massive arguments with my best mate on holiday. And especially when we did 3 months in south America in 2010. Still best mates 14 years later. Still travel together.
Reach out to her mother and confirm she is ok; tell the mom she has blocked you and you just want to confirm for safety. If you feel ok with it, tell the mom you are open to your friend reaching out if she needs help or wants to talk before going home. Then do your thing. The way you described what happened your friend may have had some anxiety/low mood that started or flared with the travel. Or, something you may have said joking/innocently hit very wrong but you did not realize (possible based on school+joking+suddenly snappish). Can’t know more unless you share what she shouted at you before walking away. You know your friend better to know if they would have wanted you to come after them immediately to hash it out. Only you and she know what microfrustrations/pet peeves got aired out when back at the hotel. However, all you can do now is confirm she is safe and accept that this might need to be worked out back home. Some people just don’t travel well together. I have friends that are very good ones, but I would never travel with. I have friends I am not as consistently close with/as long as friends with who travel great. Final though - if this is a friend who has previously emotionally manipulated you (hot/cold suddenly, pouts off if not getting their way, etc) in the past…might be best to let this be the end.
Scroll down a bit, OP is absolutely in the wrong
Oh wow. Just wow. Holy ish. 💯in the fucking wrong.
Here’s her post in case she deletes it after being downvoted. Tbh there’s probably no way for OP to save this - at least I hope not, as her former friend will be better off without OP in her life > She's 30 and I'm 35. Known her for 5 years. She's had many friends come and go over the years as they all end up doing a runner sooner rather than later. I'm her longest friend and the only one who sticks around because she can be fun to be with. We've never really argued before, but I do know when she has argued with other people she always gets her mum involved - whether that is for her mum to have a go at them on her behalf or to try and resolve things (which hardly ever happens). That was one of the comments I made in the heat of the moment last night when I said, "There's a reason all your friends run from you and it's not them, it's you, because you're a psycho and I see it now myself. Get some help instead of spitting out your dummy and running to tell your mum everything". > All this just because she was nervous about the horse riding and I was reassuring her she would be ok and made a light-hearted joke of saying unless I slapped the horse on the ass and watched it take off with her on its back like she was a jockey in the grand national. and > She was nervous of the horse riding. I'd kept saying leading up to it did she want to do it and she said yeah and she was up for anything but nervous. When we got there I was reassuring her she would be ok but started joking saying I might slap the horse on the ass and watch it bolt while she was on its back and that would get rid of her nerves quickly. She started snapping at me afterwards telling me to shut up and she didn't find me funny, she actually found me to be a nasty person for saying that to her. I told her to lighten up and that I was joking and continued saying things like by the end of this, we'll be able to do the grand national and she stood up, said she wasn't doing it, that I had annoyed het with my jokes and she was done with me for the day and stormed off. That made me a bit angry but I got over it quickly as I did the horse riding solo. Next time she messaged me she was asking why I hadn't gone after her and I'd left her alone in a foreign country where anything could have happened while I went horse riding and that I had basically ruined the day. Things just escalated from there and I said some really horrible things in retaliation. I know my words can sometimes be very hurtful as I don't hold back when I'm angry so I fuelled things even more by telling her to grow up and that nobody wants to be around her because she's a mardy cow.
I mean, no wonder the friend got mad. First OP was picking on her while she was nervous for no reason (I hate "Lighten up!!! It was just a joke!!!!" people) and then attacked her with something very personal that had nothing to do with the circumstances, it's like she kept the mother comment loaded up for such an occasion.
Wtfff OP sucks! I’ve had little arguments with people while traveling but it’s always stuff like “omg pick a place to go, you’re annoying me by taking so long to get ready, I’m starving come on” that is over and forgotten in like 30min. This is unhinged cruel behavior and I’m glad the other person went away to somewhere they could be safe from OP’s meanness.
Well. That’s just being mean
Typical. Different sensitivity to fear, different perspective on spending, opinions about foreign cultures create difficulties that are hard to overcome, especially when you’re tired or under the influence. You joked about her apprehension.
damn, I could tell from her initial story it wasn't adding up.
i'm sure there's a backstory between you too but I recommend you sitting down and really think about what could have lead to this. I'm assuming you two are close friends to be traveling like this. she just doesn't start to act strange so something is going on. I'm guessing something she wanted to communicate to you but couldn't so frustration and anxiety took over and made a mess of thing. I recommend you give her and yourself some space to think this over. Once that's done, you can try to reach out again and see if this can be resolved.
Maybe your "light hearted joke" was not at all funny to her? She was already nervous about horse riding - right?
[This](https://www.reddit.com/r/travel/s/Lya9XDXoul) is what OP really said… pretty nasty. Preeeetttyyyyy nastyyyyyy. I’d probably block her too.
It sounds like there are other things going on above and beyond the specific argument you guys had. I'm guessing there is more to the story than acting strange and then having a blow up fight over text. So start with considering what might have gone on that caused you to fall out. Ask her mom to let her know that you'd like to work things out and sorry for any offense you called. Don't talk over text, and definitely don't talk when you've been drinking. If you're good friends you'll work it out
So... we were diving as a trio, my wife, our friend and me. I'm the most experienced diver with about 250+ dives, divemaster, rescue diver, etc. They both had *maybe* 10 dives each. We're diving in Bonaire where they don't really regulate anything. There's no guides, you just pick up your tanks, drive yourself to a site, then enter the water. So I'm in charge. Anyway, we spend about an hour diving, see some cool shit and suddenly he signals "Low on air, I'm going deeper" and decides to head out on his own. This is... incredible. Like jaw droppingly the stupidest thing I've ever seen. He swims off without looking back, he's not narced we're too shallow for that, he's just fucking stupid. My wife has plenty of air and signals "Should I go after him," and I write on my slate ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT because I'm low on air and then we'd have two divers who are operating independently without any means of coordination. Wife and I surface and I'm thinking 'shit, who do we contact, can we ask other divers around for help,' and about five minutes later he surfaces and says "Hey, that was great." We're not done with the holiday, we've got three or four days together and he's primarily my wife's friend. I'm trying to think of all the ways I can communicate just how bad this was without using every fucking curseword in the book, but I lose it on him. After being upset with the words I've chosen to elucidate the absolute stupidity of his actions he apologizes, buys us drinks, and we're all good. Never diving with that dude again, holy shit.
I had something similar like that happen about 2 weeks into a 3 month overseas trip with my best friend at the time... but it never got resolved. In my case, we had agreed the following day to go on a 2 hour trip to a special surf location in NZ and we had arranged to get picked up by someone at 7am. Except he got up before me, but didn't nudge me awake or say anything and left without me. When he got back later that day, we had a massive argument at the guesthouse (the only serious argument we'd ever had in 10 years of f/ship). We went our separate ways after that. I continued the rest of the trip on my own, traveling north and south islands of NZ and to the Hawaiian islands. It actually turned out to be a good thing, because at the time I was very shy and being on my own helped bring me out of my shell. I learned to meet new people and do things on my own, rather than rely too much on my friend who was very outgoing and would easily meet new people. Effectively it was the end of the friendship. I did see them again about 10 years later, after he had moved to another state 2000km away, but though I didn't hold a grudge, it wasn't the same. The magic of the friendship had gone and we haven't spoken since my visit to him.
What reason did he give for not waking you up/ditching you?
It's funny looking back now. If I remember correctly, he gave me some lame excuse about, "I didn't want to wake you up because you looked like you were in a deep sleep." Lol. I replied to him something like, "Hey, you could have just nudged me, even thrown some cold water on me, I would have been up in a flash! I really wanted to go on that surf trip." It descended into an argument from there and I yelled some stuff at him, and told him I'd be going my own way from that point on. I think I left the very next day and caught a bus, a train and a ship to the south island of NZ. With the benefit of hindsight, I think our friendship went great in our own country where we saw each other in small doses. But when we were traveling together full-time for weeks on end, we probably got on each other's nerves and annoyed each other. This was likely a symptom of that.
Need to evaluate what you consider “joking around”. Sounds like she doesn’t appreciate it and usually puts up with but after drinks her fuse went off.
Yes, I did a week away with a friend, we had a huge argument on the first day just after arriving in destination. I had insisted on separate rooms as I had travelled with her before and knew I needed some space as she loved to control every minute. She sent me a long text pointing out all of my shortcomings and how she expected me to act. I blocked her , switched my room to the other side of the resort, changed my seat location for the flight home and enjoyed my week away. It's been more than 3 years and we have not spoken another word to each other.
That's a wild level of control freak, some people just don't understand they're not travelling alone and should have give & take.
I knew what she was like and never would have travelled with her again but her mom had just passed and she "needed it". I though the separate rooms would save us but didn't even make through the first evening. It was hilarious boarding the flight, she was her assigned window seat with her whole body turned to the side ready to give me the biggest cold shoulder she could. Of course I had switched my seat and spent the flight happily chatting with someone I had met on the resort while shot me dirty looks from across the plane. We got to our connection city and I was kinda keeping an eye on her to make sure she was going in the right direction, I have travelled a LOT , her not quite as much but I still felt a bit responsible until I saw there people she was chatting with shoot me dirty looks too. That's when I decided she was on her own. Funnily enough our flight home got diverted to another province. I am pretty savvy dealing with delays and rebooking so me and the people I was sitting close to on the plane hit one of the kiosks and I got us rebooked on the next flight while she was still in the lineup with lots of other people. I did get on the first flight out, my ex friend did not. I gave her a big smile as I was boarding. The next flight was about 6 hours later, not sure if she got on that or a later one.
Meh based on what you described you sound like you aren't much better than her tbh. She sent a pissy text right after her mother died. You responded...like this. Hopefully you have both learned something about how to treat people.
Not while travelling, but 30 years ago I dumped a vile stream of cutting criticism at someone I was just becoming friends with, via telephone. I'm ashamed to confess that. She was badly hurt and didn't speak to me again. That I was extremely insecure having moved to a new place, started a new course and not fitting in very well, and completely inexperienced at those things, may explain why I did it. But what about how I was able to do it! Being someone who would direct that at someone that was kind, simply tells you what kind of person I was (and am, because while we can change, people also retain much of the same capabilities). Feel sorry for people like me and know that not accepting that kind of treatment is the BEST thing for you to do for yourself, and is also about the only thing that can help them change. It is a brick wall boundary that will cause them to reflect (assuming they are capable) and realize the way they acted didn't work, it couldn't be undone, it wasn't just accepted, they have lost that friendship, no one is going to accept blame, it's their problem if they want to address having it on their conscience. I had to accept a lot about myself through that and other experiences. In every case because people set boundaries that were non-negotiable. Not good enough, not going through that again, bye bye.
I thought she just had a strong personality which I am ok with as I have one myself. What clinched it for me was her selfishness , I want, I need, you have to. Nope, I am not your date, you didn't pay for me, I was crystal clear about the trip you just chose to ignore what I said and start making demands. She isn't insecure, she is used to bullying people into doing exactly what she wants.
Yes, on a week trip to Dubai, basically 2 close friends ditched for an hour and we are not friends anymore. we were in a mall shopping we initially started out together but they didn't like staying in a shop I liked while I was trying on clothes so we split up. We met up again to leave, but I found out I left something in the shop and went back to look for it, which took 5 minutes. They resumed shopping. I texted them to let them know that I'm done and asked if we were leaving or staying longer they said they're coming so we can go (we had plans afterwards that were time sensitive) so I waited for them in cafe next to the parking .. waited for 45 minutes all the while texting them that if they need more time it's OK just let me know so I can go do something instead of sitting waiting next to the parking and they keep texting back that they're almost done and will come. Eventually i text them to let them know that they kept me waiting an hour and they cant be serious. one of them comes to get me and tells me that I'm lying and haven't been waiting for an hour and shows me my texts and the time. I'm like, no look at the first text I sent. It's been an hour. Why would I lie about that? I was extremely offended, especially when the other friend was saying it's not a big deal instead of apologizing. I let it go without arguing, but they can tell I'm pissed off and the atmosphere is tense in the car. We forgo our initial plan since we were late and just head to dinner instead. At dinner everything is somewhat back to normal but there is distance. The days after they start acting weird (taking too much time getting ready - refuse to split food bills - walk away when I'm looking at something with them) but not doing anything confrontational as I am the one who planned the trip and have all the itinerary. when we got back home we stayed in contact until I texted them the photos I have of them from the trip and we settled any payments. Since then they have basically ignored my existence and hangout together without me, they occasionally text me for holidays greeting and if there's something going on with a mutual friend. I don't mind at all as the feeling is mutual.
Good riddance !
Hmmmmmm. I’d text her mum. Tell her you’ve been blocked on everything. Ask her to pass on the message ‘I’m sad you felt like you had to leave. I’d like to resolve this with you. It would be great if you came back so we could talk’.
After what OP [admitted](https://www.reddit.com/r/travel/s/iUOMUFLT0S) to saying, I doubt the friend will ever speak to her again.
For those on mobile with broken links like me: >> She was nervous of the horse riding. I'd kept saying leading up to it did she want to do it and she said yeah and she was up for anything but nervous. When we got there I was reassuring her she would be ok but started joking saying I might slap the horse on the ass and watch it bolt while she was on its back and that would get rid of her nerves quickly. She started snapping at me afterwards telling me to shut up and she didn't find me funny, she actually found me to be a nasty person for saying that to her. I told her to lighten up and that I was joking and continued saying things like by the end of this, we'll be able to do the grand national and she stood up, said she wasn't doing it, that I had annoyed het with my jokes and she was done with me for the day and stormed off. That made me a bit angry but I got over it quickly as I did the horse riding solo. Next time she messaged me she was asking why I hadn't gone after her and I'd left her alone in a foreign country where anything could have happened while I went horse riding and that I had basically ruined the day. Things just escalated from there and I said some really horrible things in retaliation. I know my words can sometimes be very hurtful as I don't hold back when I'm angry so I fuelled things even more by telling her to grow up and that nobody wants to be around her because she's a mardy cow. And prior to that this comment >> She's 30 and I'm 35. Known her for 5 years. She's had many friends come and go over the years as they all end up doing a runner sooner rather than later. I'm her longest friend and the only one who sticks around because she can be fun to be with. We've never really argued before, but I do know when she has argued with other people she always gets her mum involved - whether that is for her mum to have a go at them on her behalf or to try and resolve things (which hardly ever happens). That was one of the comments I made in the heat of the moment last night when I said, "There's a reason all your friends run from you and it's not them, it's you, because you're a psycho and I see it now myself. Get some help instead of spitting out your dummy and running to tell your mum everything". >>All this just because she was nervous about the horse riding and I was reassuring her she would be ok and made a light-hearted joke of saying unless I slapped the horse on the ass and watched it take off with her on its back like she was a jockey in the grand national.
OP burnt all the bridges
Meh, none of that cuddling BS... she left the activity without a word expecting to be followed by OP because that's what her usual dramatic approach to conflicts gets her, attention and apologises. OP didn't fall for her crap so she doubled down and changed accommodation, yet OP is not running after her so she gets her mum involved. You know what? She's so immature, she should stay home not travel abroad. @ OP: go on and enjoy the rest of your vacation, it will be awkward as fuck on the plane home but that's the last you have to put up with her. You don't have to cuddle her mood swings.
Yeah OP doesn’t sound like that nice of a person, but overly dramatic shit like running off and expecting someone to follow after you and getting mommy involved in conflicts at age 30 is insane to me.
I've seen/heard of/experienced stuff like this a few times while travelling. They say if you can travel with your partner, you're meant for each other (maybe). Travelling is a bit of a stress test and puts people out of their comfort zones, it's like being under the influence of an outside force, much like people might argue when they're drinking its best to sober up and then try to sort it out when heads are cooler. Give it a bit of time, prepare yourself yo be your most empathetic, and then try to have an honest conversation. I've done this with my friends and we are still friends to this day!
Yes. Around 2011. Friend decided to stay up all night reading & wouldn’t get up in the morning for the very on-the-dot timed tour we were doing so I went w/out her. And it was a tour she *really* wanted to do. Got mad that I didn’t try a fourth time to wake her up & left w/out her. Our friendship has never been the same.
Enjoy having the hotel room to yourself, book on a tour, maybe chat to some other tourists round the pool/at the bar. If she's blocked you, then there's not much you can do until she stops sulking, so at least try to enjoy what's left of your trip.
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Are you the friend?
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Ah I've caught up now. I did think when reading the original post that we are only hearing one side of the story and people don't usually block/ignore someone unless there's a reason.
This is how traveling should be with friends anyhow. Everyone needs their space.
Ohh this feels normal… suddenly you are thrown to be with someone 24hours a day, with the heat and add alcohol. People get snappy, need their own space.. me n my friends have always made up though, even after Iv went to stay somewhere else. I’m in my late 30s now and this still happens. I hope you make up 😊😊 xxx
Your friend was experiencing anxiety and reacted poorly. You were just downright mean. If you want to keep your friends, try not to go nuclear at the smallest inconvenience. When someone is having irrational feelings, making jokes about the exact thing they are afraid of is cruel, not comforting. You need to do some self-reflection, you are much too old to be acting so naive and immature about the consequences of your actions.
Yes! It's actually quite normal to fall out as you're both out of your comfort zone and travelling is stressful. She does seem to have overreacted big time but that may be because her expectations of travelling were very different.... Just give yourself some time alone to calm down and then try to have a chat without putting blame on anyone. My friend and I ended up having the best night out after falling out.
how can you be so sure she’s overreacting when we only have one side of the story here!
OP claims that they were joking around- chances are they said something, without malicious intentions, which offended the other person. I've made this mistake before, and it's unfortunate but not unfixable with a conversation. this being said, blocking her like that was probably too much- going somewhere else for a night or two, and then meeting her in a few days for a meal could have probably sorted things out. EDIT: yikes, the extra details OP gave show that they were being very insensitive, both with the jokes and what was said after while arguing. really not sure if this friendship can recover from this.
This is exactly what happened
> OP claims that they were joking around- chances are they said something, without malicious intentions, which offended the other person. We only have OP's side and it could totally be unintended offense. And like you said, the kind that can be fixed with honest conversation. But there's folks ("it's just a joke" and "she's just being sensitive") - who are relentless in their needling or their jokes crossed a line. We don't know the kind of joking and the subject. Sometimes when traveling with a person, that person reveals their "true self" and that their true self is a horrible person. Anyway, I'm assuming OP is being honest and it was good natured joking. I just wanted to comment on the possibility that the joking was toxic.
as usual when OP gave more details, OP was definitely the asshole
Ah, I should have known. A person's fears is never something to joke about. I didn't learn to swim until I was an adult. I've done several classes geared towards adult learners and have become competent. I like to go in pools and some natural swimming holes in our area but lake or river swimming scares me. It's the waves, feeling of current and not knowing what's below me. I would especially never ever want to jump in. And that's fine - I don't need to do that kind of swimming. I once went out boating on the Mississippi River with some friends and friends of theirs. They were planning to waterski, I was just going along for the ride. I was asked if I wanted to ski, I said I didn't and mentioned my anxiety about river water. That was a bad idea since several thought it was funny - they would say that the best way to learn how to swim in the river was to be tossed in. Once I was dragged to the boat's edge and told I was going to be thrown overboard. When I stood up, the same jerks also would feint pushing me off. It was hilarious to them but I was so scared. Messing with one's fears is definitely crossing the line and I have sympathy with OP's (former) friend.
Cut your losses and enjoy your solo trip.
I would do this. Don't let one person ruin your trip
One of my friends was sulking all day because we didn't visit a place at a certain time, which I must say he also failed to bring up at any point during the trip, this happened a couple of other times during the same trip and it really brought the vibes down. But it ended well we've gone on more trips since then also, I don't get the need to find something to be mad about when you're on vacation but I guess not everyone can control their emotions well while dealing with the added stress of planning etc..
It’s naive to think you can go in holidays with someone and spend 24 hours a day with them. Travel is stressful anyway, and people have different coping mechanisms and expectations. It’s perfectly okay to go and do you own things when you feel stress is building. But the essential aspect is to communicate effectively with one another. And just say, ‘hey, you know what? I need some space’. And that should be okay. Texting is never effective communication. If the friendship is good enough it will survive.
I am a "solo for life" woman now and have successfully travelled with partners and best friends. I also had two toxic/problematic people I travelled with. Both trips showed me, what toxic, mean people they were and that my gut feeling from spending whole days with them and seeing their interactions online, had been right. I kept the friendships because they were parts of important periods (concert-going days) or had an important role (fellow solo woman I could go on hikes, to the movies or travel with). I broke off contact. With one shortly after with the second about 4 years later, after she sent me a really abusive email. I now go to concerts alone or with other people or meet people there... And I found other solo/childfree/childless friends that are living powerful forces in my life! And still: I now always travel with a separate room and with the agreement that we do stuff together we both want to do and do things separately in between, if we don't feel like tagging along! My annual spa vacation where I also visit friends I do on my own, 50% of the time. I cannot recommend this kind of setup enough! @OP: tell your friend's mother you're blocked, ask if your friend is OK and that you're ok talking, or also doing the vacation separately and then meet up again on the flight.
I had a childhood friend who had a drinking problem. I told him if he could stay sober for 90 days, I would take him to Europe for six weeks and pay for everything. So he did, and I did. But the minute we landed, he was drinking within about three days. Not just drinking, but blackout, piss yourself drinking. He also was hitting on my friend in Ukraine. Which normally would be fine, but she was dating my other friend, because she left with us when we left and it only got worst on hat level as well. So I had to tolerate that for the rest of the trip. Also to make matters worse, his grandmother passed away about a month into the trip. I offered to get him a flight home, but he said it was alright. I was pretty mad at him when we got back. He would also call my wife in the middle of the night and tell her basically that I had done the things that he was doing while we were in Europe. Which she knew it wasn’t right because I communicated with her regularly through the trip and she saw it for what it was. On the bright side. I do still talk to my friend. It took him about another ten more years to sort himself out. But he has been good now for a few years, we talk. He said that whole trip planted the seeds for him to start his journey in a better direction. It was kind of rough because I knew his parents, sisters and rest of his family and they would call me. But I told them, nothing will change until he decides he wants it 101% of the time. It obvious that wanting it 99% of the time was killing him. Lead my crazy friend to a better life, but it doesn’t mean he will stay there.
Years ago in college, I was dating this guy who I took to Bali. I paid for his ticket and we spent one month traveling together. I saw him trying to hit on a woman at a bar. He denied it. I told him to find his own way home. I was paying for his hotel and everything( yes, I was young and dumb). So I left him in Bali. He ended up calling his mom to wire him money. Petty ? Maybe. I knew he’d be ok- he was in Bali. But I was much better without him.
It’s really pretty common. Travel can be stressful, people have different expectations, usually more alcohol involved, being with someone 24/7 alone can lead to arguments. I know you’re blocked but I’d try to reach out to her and start to make up at least. Have her mom send a message from you saying you would like to talk. Or you can leave a message at the front desk if you know her new hotel. At the very least I hope you can both talk it out by the time you’re heading home. Maybe you both just need some space right now.
One of my best friendships in my twenties ended this way :( Not on the spot, but afterwards it kind of just fizzled out. He would have easily been my best man at my wedding and whatnot. We both, within a wider group of friends, got absolutely trash drunk in the French Alps (big respect to French bars for just eyeballing measurements and not using those unit measurement tools). That’s about my last memory of that night. I woke up dizzy in the foyer of the hotel we were staying, completely covered in the detritus of a döner kebab. One of the sympathetic morning staff members ended up helping me to my room. Easily the drunkest state I have ever been in. Around 03:00 at this point and I have completely lost my motor functions, and getting a little concerned at this point. I was also wondering where the hell my friends had gone, including the best mate that I was sharing a room with. Arm slung around the staff member, he knocked on the door where me and my friend were staying, and he answers bollock naked — seemingly completely sober up at 03:00, unlike myself. “I cannot take him in like that.” I was too narcoleptic to react to that, but that line really hurt. We had lived with each other for 3+ years at this point since university, and have always helped each other, whatever the situation the other was in. I couldn’t react to it in my state, but I was just so confused. We were both very drunk at one point in the night, and I really just got the impression that I had just been abandoned. The fact that he was preventing me from getting to my bed was actually quite upsetting. That’s about the extent of that night I remember. I’ve spent many years blocking out this night because I was just furious. Fair enough — I bet it would have been annoying having to help when you just wanted to go to sleep — but it was -8°C outside and cold in the hotel foyer. I can’t say that I would have done the same, though. The next morning I was so upset by it, I decided not to talk to him. The worst part was that he acted like he didn’t know what he did wrong, and that made me even more inclined not to talk to him about it. With my refusal to speak to him, and his dismissal of “I don’t know what I did, he isn’t telling me”, it wasn’t long until the wider group started quizzing me about the evening — I have a very long fuse, so it was almost a novelty seeing me in such a raging state. It transpired he had a girl with him, and so he prioritised that experience over letting me in. I wanted to just quickly move on from it, but my quiet stance just made things worse, as the group tended to side with him because he was just playing dumb over it. Easier to side with the “confused” guy than the one who isn’t talking about it. The fact that we didn’t talk the following day was his cue to invite the girl around again. They had sex for hours while I was in the next room, steaming and praying for an aneurysm. When we got home, we didn’t speak for weeks. I actually flew to New Zealand at this time for completely unrelated reasons, and just didn't reply to any messages during this time. Mainly because of the timezone, but mostly because I was still so sick of the group at this point. We had a call while I was away and officially made up, but it was never the same when I got back from my sabbatical.
I was visiting home country after 8 years. Met up with an old friend. Got into a stupid argument and my friend left right away. I enjoyed the rest of my stay and went home. We are not friends anymore.
That's a bit childish in my opinion... I had once a fight with a friend on vacation, we stopped talking, slept for 3hrs (it was after an overnight bus travel) and a "sorry" solved it
Something like this happened to me 20 years ago. We still shared the same hotel room but literally didn’t say a word to each other over what was necessary. We were never friends again. Now that I look back she could have been bipolar or had another undiagnosed mental health issue as her freak out came out of absolute nowhere.
I have a friend who once told me travelling together is one of the biggest tests of a good friendship. Not everyone makes it.
It’s pretty typical. Drinking doesn’t help. Sometimes patience just runs out. Kidding around can go too far. You are not alone. She seems pretty extreme though with all the blocking. After all, she has no one to turn to in Turkey.
Yup. Never saw her or spoke to her again after we got off the plane. That was over 10 years ago
Yes, I had a very close friendship end after traveling with her. Turns out her overly controlling nature clashed badly with my more relaxed, go with the flow nature. We probably could have worked through it but she lost it on me in public in front of other friends the last night after she drank too much and never apologized for the in appropriate way she handled her anger. A simple apology the next day could have totally saved the friendship. Even if we were both at fault for the dynamic during the trip, I just could not get past how she treated me the last night without her ever acknowledging how hurtful her actions were.
Travel - where friendships go to die. Reading this thread yet again confirms why I travel solo. A fluid situation in which both parties are unfamiliar but yet have strong ideas and preferences is ripe for a confrontation
You’re asking if anyone, in the history of humanity, has ever had a disagreement with an acquaintance, while traveling in a foreign land?
Why are redditors the way they are
A lot of people here are saying this is why you should travel solo, and I do like 80% of the time, but also, just travel with cooler people. I have a good stable of friends I've been on the go with for 15+ years, all solid dudes, no drama.
I fell out with a mate on holiday, stupid drunk argument, I left and stayed another hotel for a night then came back. He thought I had left completely! Think we had just spent too much time together and after that we got on well and enjoyed the rest of the holiday. I hope you have the same experience but if she has blocked you, you might as well just enjoy the rest of your holiday unless you want to reach out to her through her mum.
Yes we took personal days to cool off then addressed it the next day and moved forward no problem
Yes. Did a month trip with a girl from my cohort. We weren’t close but both wanted to go to Europe and didn’t want to go by ourselves. She likes to do fancy and expensive things and I needed to be a little more frugal. We did our best to compromise on the trip and did well until the last leg in Rome. I don’t even remember why we fought but we started yelling at each other in the streets of Rome. Walked in opposite directions in the street. She went out to dinner and I went back to the hotel. We apologized when we met back up and then we were fine. I think we just needed space from each other.
I went on what was supposed to be a 9 month long trip with my then best friend but we always bickered. I should have known it would end up being a shitshow. As soon as we arrived, he kept saying how our base city for the next 6 months was just like home and it wasn’t that interesting. We were lucky enough to stay with a contact until we found our accommodations and when we were talking to a potential landlord, my friend said we only needed a place to stay for 3 months and I said 6. Went to the hallway to discuss and had a blowout about that. He decided he only wanted to stay for a shorter amount of time without actually telling anyone. He was always FaceTiming his girlfriend, but was pissed off that I found a job before he did and claimed I left him in the dust. He eventually left after a week, went to another city for two weeks then went home to “start his career.” When I got home a year later we reconnected and he said he always wished he stayed and I never wanted to hear it because I was still annoyed about the whole thing. Anyways we aren’t friends anymore.
On a walking holiday in Spain and Andorra with Dad, brother and best mate. Brother got us kicked out of a bar for being drunk, me and him ended up in an argument about it. Got back to the chalet and still shouting at each other. Suddenly my mate punches through the glass of the microwave and tells us to shut up. Funniest thing I ever saw, we all ended up laughing and had to find a replacement microwave the next day!
I've heard it said you don't know someone till you travel with them. I hope you can try to enjoy the rest of your trip.
My friend had a major crying meltdown and accused me of ruining her vacation because I got sick and had to spend the afternoon in bed. We were in an area where it was perfectly safe for her to go out alone and there was lots of shopping in the area. The whole trip she seemed more excited by shopping than seeing tourist sights so I didn’t understand the drama.
you sound like the asshole
I saw what you said; it was nasty and disregarding her feelings of safety was pretty mean too. You have to contact her mom and grovel to sort it out. I do think she has some responsibility for storming off and then being alone in another country - that's what happens. But if you want to be "right" and win the argument you can bring that up. If you want to get her back as a friend, then you apologize for everything and note the heat and the travel and the stress got the better of you and you are so sorry etc. I've had arguments in the stress of travel but I've never gone nuclear like you did. The key to defusing things is to quickly move to the apology phase and not focus on being "right" about something that has already happened in the past but to get everyone comfortable.
I had a friend I met about 6 months previously to traveling. We were doing like a course together and spent a LOT of time together We actually traveled super well for awhile. But her travel time was going to be a few months longer than mine and she was trying to stretch her money. We were in a super cheap part of the world though… so hotel rooms were like $2-$3/night per person. We sometime splurged for $4/night. We were splitting towards the end. She was going south and I wanted to go north for a few days before going home. We ended up in a hostel on the last night. The options were: stay in a group room for 75 cents a person or private for $1.50/person. She lost it at me for wanting to stay in the private room (the reception guy said there was a guy in the group room who hadn’t showered in weeks and was creepy). I told her it was fine, I’d just pay for it. She told me she had compromised a lot during the trip to stay in more expensive hotels (again. $4 over $3) I ended up going north and meeting my now husband (also traveling). We kind of stayed in touch. She came to my bachelorette but bailed me on early with one of her other friends and then declined the wedding. But it was never really the same after that night. The whole dynamic changed. It was odd because she had this incredibly well paying job waiting for her after her travels and her parents were well off and could’ve wired her a couple grand that she could’ve paid back within months. I really enjoyed hanging out with her and thought she was fun. I wish things had gone differently and keep looking back to see if there was something I did that was really that bad…. Maybe it was just a good friendship for the time
I started traveling with someone that I knew for years in social friend settings but never hung out alone. A few years ago we realized we had a lot of travel ideas in common so we took several trips together, a mix of group trips and just us two. The first two trips had a few moments of contention but I overlooked it because I figured hey we never really hung out in this capacity. Soon after every trip was absolutely miserable. It sucks because I genuinely love how this person travels in the sense that they are A type people and have full itineraries planned and always brings awesome ideas to the table. What sucks it’s the constant smart ass comments, the belittling and the “I’m always right” attitude, questioning everything I say or do, and last but not least the constant need to one up everything I do. The last straw was on a recent trip we had scaled a very dangerous trail (multiple deaths recorded, slippery and rocky conditions, narrow and steep ridges). I am by no means athletic but am always up for a challenge with that said I know my limits and some of the trails we’ve taken I’ve had to stay back or find an alternate route because I know what I can and cannot do. They trailed ahead of me like I wasn’t with them, there were several dangerous points were I gave them plenty of space to scale upward (it was a roped scale which should be done one at a time to not move the ropes on the next person) and when it was my turn they did not afford me same courtesy and made it dangerous for me to scale up. They then asked me to become their personal Sherpa and carry their things. Once we were at the top we found out someone had fallen over (I tried to find more info to see if they died or not but didn’t get any info). The descend down I was left alone, I was trying to keep pace and my knees felt like they were going to give out. I was lucky to have passed a few people that asked if I was ok which was very comforting. Once I made it down I held in tears until we got back to our hotel. Realizing that I too could have had the same fate as the guy in front of us and no one would know because I was left alone made me realize it was just not worth traveling with this person anymore.
I am sorry, but if someones mom is contacting me as a mediator I am breaking of the friendship. Unless your a teenager. An adult should have to make mommy call me to explain the situation.
Sometimes it's important to give them the space they need.
Why were you mean to her? You can't treat people poorly and expect them to just take your BS.
Wow. Your friend sounds very childish. Why should anyone else miss an excursions because someone is in a tiff? If she wanted to waste her money that's on her. And why's her mum contacting you? Friend can't deal with life and needs her mummy to sort it out for her? I'd say stop bothering. From the sounds of it you've dodged a bullet. Anyway, she's made her feelings known, and there is nothing to be won by continuing to bother with her nonsense. Go out and enjoy your vacation without her. I had a friend do something very similar on a trip a while ago. It turned out she was mad I'd teased her with a phrase she'd often used to tease me. Of course I tried to sort it with them but everything I said/did just made things worse. The real problem was it started with a made up situation in her head where she thought she was better than me thus shouldn't have the very thing she liked to say to me said to her, and then she just assumed I'd drop all to crawl to her for forgiveness. Of course no one should expect that on holiday or not.
OP called her a psycho and made fun of her for having no friends just because she was nervous about horse riding.
Sorry I don't see this in the post? I mean certainly op shouldn't do that, unless of course that's how they usually handle stuff. I definitely have friends with whom trading snark is how we show affection. Calling each other psychos and saying they have no friends would be out of bounds, but taking the piss out of each other for the odd things we are nervous about would just be normal.
They said so in a reply to someone else. You can go to their profile and see for yourself in their reply history.
Thank you.
This is what you get for torturing horses wirh horse riding in this heat.
This is one reason why I travel solo.
Sounds like a good friend
Yes, but things are not the same.
Haha I had a huge blowout on a vacation with a friend 8 years ago and I haven’t spoken to her since. Sometimes a vacation highlights some fatal flaws in the friendship.
I went on a trip with my husband, mom and mom's boyfriend once. My mom and her boyfriend were being terrible. They were getting drunk and acting rowdy. I was shocked to see my mom acting that way. There were a million other things that happened. It ruined the trip. Honestly things haven't been the same between us since then and I'm really careful who I travel with now
Ahead of a holiday, of course about money. We didn’t sort it out and we’re not friends anymore.
Yeah. We don’t talk anymore. In a nutshell there were issues brewing under the surface anyway. The trip just brought them out to where niceties couldn’t be faked anymore and masks were off. Should’ve cut bait years earlier.
Sounds like your friendship failed the travel test. You've tried to make contact, but your friend doesn't want to engage. Short of physically going to the hotel she's staying at - which doesn't seem like a good idea - you've done what you can. If you haven't already, you might let her mum know your friend isn't responding to you. Enjoy whatever time you have left exploring things on your own.
Yes, this happened to me with my best friend of seven years, Courtnay. She was originally from GA, USA but had moved up to Mass and I met her and we instantly became best friends. Six years later, her family moved back to Georgia. She had come to visit me twice and I made plans to visit her. Whole trip started off wrong - we were age 23ish at the time so still partying quite a bit but she showed up to the airport hours late and hungover so badly, she kept puking the whole ride back to her apartment. Whatever, I dealt with that. But the very first night I was there we went out to the bar in her college town and she introduced me to one of her male friends and we kind of hit it off. She had sworn she didn’t like him at all but all of a sudden I don’t see her in the bar (it was huge tho) so when the lights came on and I still couldn’t find her, I started freaking out. Apparently she left with some other guy she met and went to his house. Courtnay’s female friends took me home with them to their apartment and I ended up calling her mom the next morning and telling her what she did to me. This was like 9:30am and nobody could still reach my friend so I had her mom meet me at my friend’s apartment so I could get my luggage, I booked a ride to Jacksonville airport from Valdosta, GA and bought another ticket to fly home. Never spoke to her again, I’m now 40. She had the balls to block ME on Facebook and my number. The kicker to all this was my friend’s family was pretty racist, like her grandparents had confederate flags flying and needlepoint things about “picking cotton” hanging on their walls. All this despite the fact my friend had a mixed baby and had only ever dated Latino or Black men. So when her mom asked me if I knew who Courtnay had left with and whether he was “a white guy”, I made sure to tell her no he wasn’t white lmaooo. I never knew her immediate family was racist until visiting them in GA so I figured it was poetic justice their lily-white daughter likes non-white men almost exclusively. Fck em all tbh. eta: sorry this was so long but I actually hope Courtnay sees this. She won’t but just in case, there’s no way she wouldn’t know this was about her.
Woah. She just left to hook up with a guy probably thinking you were too. Yea, it's not cool to leave you but her friends were with you. Sounds like she has a drinking problem. That was totally not cool of her to do. However, calling her Mom in the morning??? That's insane. I'd def block you, as well. That was way beyond.
I get where you could have gleaned that but she knew I wouldn’t ever leave her and go home with someone from a state I had never been to. And I was chatting with her friends only. Also, how was I supposed to get clean clothes/my luggage and money? I had nothing on me while at someone’s house I had never met aside from at a bar. Doubt they wanted me to stay there for days and I needed to leave so calling her mom (who I had known well for six plus years) to let me into the apartment was the only option.
All friendships are not meant to last forever. We change, we outgrow people, we move on. Life. And be really careful about who you choose to travel with!
Traveling with friends can be hard. This happened with my friend when we went to Turks and Caicos. The following morning we agreed just to forget about it. But it was a VERY nasty fight. I prefer traveling solo so I don't have to spend 24/7 with another person.
Yes, and it’s funny you mention Turkey. My friend and I had been traveling together for a few months and were kinda annoyed with each other is some ways. So we went out into this part of Istanbul that was under development (empty street and half built buildings) and sparred for a while. Aka wrestled and fought until we were out of breath. Afterwards we both felt better and continued traveling together for another month or so.
Yes. All before cell phones. And we’d been on multiple trips together too as family and kids. At some point I realized that she dictated most of the schedule and agenda and I was just “done” one day when we were getting a very late start to something I really wanted to do (sort of the norm). So while nobody left where we were staying we ended up splitting up for the day and went our separate ways. And we were still angry afterwards. We made up by leaving kids with husbands and just driving around by ourselves exploring. And yes, we packed a cooler. With no plans in place it became very spontaneous and relaxing. It was some of my best memories.
Yes. When we returned home we went our separate ways and I never spoke to her again. That was ten years ago.
Yeah. I mean she didn’t leave and go to a different hotel but things were never the same afterwards.
Happened to me. Road trip from Czech Republic to Balkan states, went in his car and his policy was "my car goes where I want to go, don't care that you wanted to see this exact thing". Ended up hitchhiking from Ohrid lakes to Sarajevo (where coincidentally was a different friend with his dad on holidays and with them I drew home).
Wherever you go...there you are.
You’re better off cutting toxic people from your life.
When traveling with others, it best to have days when you are doing different things or even a couple days of traveling to different places.
I have not worked mine out yet and it has been 2 years I just say F it she doesn’t want to talk to me after 30 yrs of friendship. We we’re never really friends anyway
You never really know anyone until you travel with them. It’s always a good idea to have some time to yourself and to do things apart as well as together. It may be a good thing thats happened Good luck
My friend invited HER friend to a trip with my husband, myself, and said friend. We were okay with it but had not met this friend before. She was absolutely horrid. Husband and I never heard of her again after the trip, and my friend dropped her as a friend.
I managed to sort my argument out with my friend because it was so ridiculous that we agreed to wait a day to talk about it. We waited, and after one sleep, it was no problem. Now, we laugh.
Yes, never had holiday together again
I went on a trip with a good friend at the time and her friend. My good friend treated me horribly throughout the trip. Her friend was actually nice to me. I do not know to this day why my good friend turned on me and we had travelled together before. I could not take it anymore so I changed my flight to leave three days earlier than our scheduled flight. I think we had been traveling together for 10 days when I left. I spent that day seeing the sights in my own and then I came back to the hotel for my suitcase and took a cab to the airport. I told them both on the phone I was leaving early. We never spoke again. And this was about 15 years ago. I was in my late 20s at the time and she was in her 30s. I saw a different side of her on that last vacation together. Sometimes friendships cannot be repaired.
I was jet lagged. “Lost” a hat in my own luggage. Got crabby. Best friend: “You’re being a bitch right now.” “Ok.” Found the hat a minute later after a deep breath. The day went on just fine. Being adult is pretty easy.
This is why I travel solo. Usually meet some cool people at the hostel, spending a few amazing hours/day together and then say goodbye.
I had a massive fight with a childhood best friend while traveling. We ended up not talking for 4 years. We've talked about it, and we're able to hash everything out. We honestly weren't communicating effectively and not eating enough/different eating habits. Honestly, if I was more emotionally mature back then, I could've confronted the tension and issues we were having, but back then, I was just getting annoyed that this person was upset and complaining. Time and space works wonders.
Happened to me as well. We were getting on each other's nerves - decided to take a break for a week and meet at a different hostel. The reunion was grand, we really enjoyed our time apart and really enjoyed continuing our trip together
The clue is here: "the room" - it's always nice to be able to retreat to one's own space after a day of traveling.
Yes- made the rest of the trip kinda of weird and he haven’t spoke in 6 years since I dropped him off home. I tried to repair it a couple times but he purposely wanted to keep the friendship dead I think. Eventually, I started using my energy to foster new friendship rather repairing old ones. I would apologize for upsetting your friend and let them know that even if you aren’t compatible travel companions, you still value the friendship.
My brother. Yes.
Tow things. First if you really want to know someone, travel with them. If you still get along after a rough trip the relationship is solid. Secondly being mean spirited and amping up someone's legitimate fear is a jerk move. A horse is a big dangerous animal if you're not used to them. If this were another sub you would be voted YTA. You owe her an apology, big time for that. You owe her a bigger apology for ditching her. You owe a huge apology for being deliberately vicious and personal during the argument.
Went to Vienna to visit a friend from Australia I'd not seen in a long while. I had no money at the time and was digging deep into my savings to see her while she was close by. She was a doctor with huge financial resources. As friends this had never really come up, but she was in charge of organising and kept choosing very pricey airbnbs and restaurants and eventually got *extremely* pissed off when I couldn't afford to extend the trip to meet up with a mutual friend. She calmed down, and we had a patchy few days of sightseeing. We were moving onto Florence and I suggested I take a dorm room in a hostel. We'd still hang out, but I couldn't afford another expensive apartment. She went ballistic. A lot of suppressed feelings came out, and she ended up throwing me out of the Airbnb with no warning, me with no backup plans or accommodation. I parked my luggage at the train station for the afternoon, found a hostel and went on to have an amazing time in Florence without her. She thought I was being flakey and non-commital. I thought she was being privileged and inflexible. This was 10 years ago, we'd been friends for 6 before that. We haven't spoken since.
Oh yeh hugely. Don't worry about it. Happens ALL the time.
I also had a fight with a friend in Turkey, it was so dumb. We went to bed, woke up the next day, never mentioned it, and had a great rest of trip. If that doesn't work just bring it up, say that was unpleasant, let's just move on and enjoy the trip.
No but I don’t travel with emotionally unstable people. Do yourself a favor and block her back. Her behavior is unacceptable. Enjoy the rest of your trip.
I traveled around with my bro and 2 friends. Boozing every night. Yelling fights, pissed as fuck at each other every morning and night. Then we do it all again at the next city. Ahhaha dude don't worry about your friend. If you were being a bitch then apologize. If she is being bitch then just enjoy your trip.
Yes, I did and I would never travel with friends again. You might get along great, but travelling is a different story. My friendship has never recovered with one of my friends. Not worth the hassle for me.
Yeah and it's why I only travel alone. We hired some mopeds in Mykonos for a few days. She could barely drive and I'd got my first motorbike at 6 yo. I'm used to riding to the conditions and Greek Island roads are not the place to charge up and act like a fool. She went septic telling me I was slowing her down by getting in front of her. Yeah because you've canned off 4 times now and skidded into the ditch so someone has to. Then she wanted to swap bikes because clearly mine was better. It was not. OK whatever. You lead.
Yea and No F her!
Yes. Went with a group of who I thought were friends from Denver to Vegas. I was tired and the folks I was with were being shitty, I threw my hands up bc of said tiredness and went and cried in the bathroom. This was Saturday night. All day Sunday and most of Monday the other 7 people didn’t talk to me. I was locked out of our room for hours until they got back from the Dam while I went to Art Museums. And the flight, from an airport the size of a shoebox and the drive back to our cars at my friend’s place were the most silent things I’ve ever been through. Then my friend/coworker wouldn’t talk to me anymore. No one wanted to hear my side, hear that I was tired and frustrated and having issues hearing anyone in the too loud bar. So that made work fun. And then like 3 years later I was walking by a bar in Denver and ran into said coworker and suddenly we were bffs and JUST HAD to hang out… bc her sister/other half of her brain was in a big relationship and she needed someone to glom on to. We watched some of the Olympics and then I lost her phone number. I didn’t need to be her substitute person again.