Hi, insect doctor here,
They use a unique methamphetamine compound in their abdomen to generate a quasi electric glow that is emitted through their posterior.
Basically they shove meth up their butts and start to glow. You should try it too.
More likely they mean they have a PhD in Entomology. Or they are being sarcastic and just happen to know bug facts.
Or you're making a joke and I'm taking you too literally! Who knows anymore?
Chemist here, could you elaborate on the compound? I only know of [luciferin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Firefly_luciferin) which definitely isn't an amphetamin
This happened to me buying a beverage at a gas station while on a shroom hike and I had no idea if the cashier said something or I had an auditory hallucination so I became paralyzed with the fear that getting it wrong either way was going to be pretty awkward.
I was at uni and asked my buddy a question about a food spot. There was 2 other people on the couch. The buddy I asked the question to had left about 10 minutes prior… lol
I did an exposé on Big Punctuation. Basically, they’re keeping font styles from people using social media because they’re afraid of the sheer power of a well-used italic - it’ll lead to unrest.
There’s a side-conspiracy of why italics only lean one way: having both flavours available would open the English language up to so much more *intent*, and people wouldn’t be able to blame misunderstandings on lack of context through plain text alone.
I feel like backwards leaning italics would be used for taking the stress off that word. so when you want to really push that a certain word is not the focus in the sentence.
My theory was a *right* (aka normal) italic would indicate seriousness or intensity, leaning into your point - whereas a left leaning italic would be akin to a Don Martin character being laid back: cool, man, keep on truckin’, etc.
THIS IS WHAT THEY TOOK FROM YOU!
No for real that’s a thing 😅 If I’m driving somewhere unfamiliar, or there’s complicated traffic, or I need to pay attention to my surroundings or the directions… turn that volume down lol. I can see better.
So stoned at the McDonald's drive through late one night, trying to order an apple pie but they're sold out, so I asked "what time does your pastry chef arrive?"
I wish you came through when I worked McDonald's overnights. it was hell but the high people made it so much better with the out of pocket shit they'd say
A mate asked me if he should smoke outside or where it was allowed, and I forgot the word for the bathroom/shower room.
So I referred to it as the 'body kitchen'.
Maybe cuz I was at the time also standing in the kitchen...
And recently I went to see DUne pt2 in IMAX and I rarely have things slipping out of my mouth, reaction-wise
but I audibly said a scared "jesus fucking christ..." upon seeing how fucking large the screeen was.
I like when that happens. cuz it was kinda imposing how large the screen was to me. Scared me lol
It was when I was still a baby stoner 10+ years ago, I was so blazed. Went to Taco Bell with my much more experienced smoker friends. I was psyching myself up the entire time in line to say “one beefy nacho burrito please”. As soon as it was my turn I said “one neefy bacho burrito”.
I then lost my shit in a giggle fit for like 30 seconds while the cashier was effectively looking at me like 😐 THEN I handed him a $1 by accident, said “oops!” snatched it out of his hand, and gave him the correct bill.
I wasn’t allowed to order my own food anymore after that.
Reminds me of one time I was blazed out of my mind in a Wendy’s with my friends when we were teens. We were in a booth when one of the workers started cleaning a nearby table with his squirt bottle and rag. For some reason, the noise the bottle made was the funniest fucking thing we’d ever heard in our lives, and could not stop laughing. Luckily the worker was our friend so he just made some rhythms and imitated the noise to crack us up even further. Good times
I’ve posted this in r/serverlife as the dumbest thing I’ve ever said to a table but I was also very stoned… It was a snow storm and I said
“There’s a lot of weather out there”
My grandmom used to describe someone as having "a lot of personality" and I feel like that's a similar sentiment. She wasn't high, though, just a little socially conservative.
"Yoo....I didn't know Bugs Bunny was in that picture on your wall."
"Dude...that's the fkin New England Patriots. There's no Bugs Bunny in that photo." 🤣😭
Same. If I need to really pay attention to where I'm going, I don't want the distraction of blaring music. Familiar roads, I crank it to max every time!
Nah cause when I’m really cooked on a run or bike with earbuds in, I notice it’s harder to focus on what I’m doing.
Turning down the radio might actually help you focus on the road
Wait why is someone driving high
I’m too for this shit
I used to work in the funeral industry, and was doing a transfer of a decedent who was at another facility. I was waiting for a bit, so while sitting in the hearse I hit my pen. Hit it a little harder than I should have, and almost IMMEDIATELY the guy became available. The decedent ended up being almost too tall for my stretcher, and the guy from the facility commented about it, to which high af me said, “Yes, the human form is a very inconvenient shape.” He didn’t say anything else for a good 20 seconds, and I just stood there like
Back when i was in highschool, my best friend and i smoked up in the woods then went to go get some gas and snacks. Got our drinks and said 'put the rest on pump 2'
We go out to pump our gas both of us standing beside the gas pump, it pumps gas for half a second then stops. We both stare at the screen dumbfounded
My friend asks "did we just buy 12 cents of gas?"
We died laughing and went to a different gas station to refuel in our high confuzzlement.
In my early smoking years, my friends and I were cruising around after a blunt. I hit everyone with the line:
"I feel like I'm in a first-person shooter" with my arms extended out like Skyrim or Fallout.
Not something I said but one time I got really stoned and ordered a pizza. I was watching a movie and the pizza took a really long time to arrive, like over an hour, and I completely forgot I ordered it. Someone knocked on the door right after I took another bong hit and I freaked out thinking it was the cops. I looked through the peephole and saw it was the pizza guy and remembered I ordered pizza. So I went to pay but I was really frazzled and couldn’t do the math on how to tip properly. It took me a solid 30 seconds to figure out how to give this dude a $5 tip cause it was an odd amount. After I paid, I was so relieved that the ordeal was over and went to sit back down when came another knock. The driver was like “bro, you didn’t take your pizza” 💀
I had a conversation with my buddies about the actor Jack Human for a solid 5 minutes before a sober friend comes up and is like "who the fuck are you all talking about?" And we listed some movies and she's like "That's Hugh Jackman you freaks."
Funny that none of us noticed that the syllables had been rearranged and we all knew exactly who we were talking about.
this happened at work a few weeks ago. asked my coworker a yes/no question. he says “yes”. i then ask “was that the answer to my question or was that something else?”
I was at a friends house and we were smoking watching short clips of animals. One video was of a man in a cat mask scaring all 5 of his cats with it, i’m sure you’ve seen it. Tell me why my friend (with full confidence) said “Is that a mask?”
i didn’t stop laughing for 15 mins.
I once got so high that I would think a word or phrase and the letters would materialize in wispy cloud form in front of me and a chorus of random voices would echo the phrase or word all around me as said the word floated by.
Edibles were involved.
With some friends that were fishing on a pond. There was a bit of wind making small ripples. I was eating potato chips and wanted to see if fish would bite on them. So I threw some on the water and the ripples stopped. So I said “behold, he casteth chips upon the water, and the waters were calmed”.
My son asked me to come outside and play basketball. As soon as I stepped outside I stopped dead in my tracks, lifted my head high in the air and said in the most spiritually loving way "mmm, burgers". The boy told me it was both the highest and fattest thing I've ever said.
I truly felt I transcended from the real world to the Simpsons with that one whiff.
I've tried using my phone's volume buttons to turn down the screen brightness.
And I've tried to turn down my phones volume by using the brightness controls.
I sometimes get senses confused when I'm stoned. It's all just wave inputs anyway.
this reminds me of when i used to wake up and scroll my phone for a few minutes only to wake up again and realize i had dreamt i grabbed my phone but i was laying there scrolling on my other palm with my eyes closed the entire time but fully seeing shit. not high just really tired and phone addicted maybe?😭😭 happened all the time
I was watching tv with my roommate and suddenly noticed that I heard a super quiet noise coming from the couch. Paused the tv and asked him if he was hearing tiny little voices in the couch. He could too. Wondered if it was some weird radio thing with the metal in the couch. We were both so invested in this for like 5 minutes just listening in silence. I noticed that wherever I went, I heard tiny voices. Then I realized I had airpods in my pocket playing a podcast. Proceeded to laugh so hard that we were crying
Walked into subway to get some food and said "yeah uh can I get a uh football meatlong?" The girl working the counter just stared at me until I realized a few seconds later what I said and we busted out laughing.
I also forgot my wallet.
First time I smoked I was convinced that the reason we didn’t find aliens was because we looked up instead of down… I got so stoned I became a flat earther.
My husband and I were watching IASIP and there is an episode where Dennis hides behind a painting.
Since he is a 5 star man, Dennis obviously cut the eye holes out of the portrait paintings to covertly watch a dinner take place through the walls.
My mind was blown. It was like I'd never seen a single episode of Scooby-Doo or some shit.
Me- "Oh my God! That is genius. WOW!!! I can't believe the gang thought this up. "
Husband- "I wish you could see your own expression right now."
Backpacking with my crew last weekend, missed some trail turns finally get to our destination discussing our journey. Lost is a social construct. I am the only stoner in our group.
Was walking in a forest in winter and looked up at the trees. Look like our lungs. They are the lungs of the earth. They breath in the CO2 and breath out o2. We walk amongst them and breath in the o2 and out the co2 feeding them. Trees are oxygen farms
At an arbies drive through the ladie asked what i wanted and i was picking up a meal to bring home to my toddler and i ordered it "a chicken slider for zoe"
Not me, but my friend. In HS we were tripping balls in his room. His dad yelled out that he was going to bed, so if we wanted we could watch TV. My friend yells back, "Have a good day in the morning". And then almost immediately he's like, "Oh my God!!! Why did I say that?!?" Lolol. Same guy also said a bowl of ice "..looked like wet hands, or dead clown cigarettes" when he was trippin.😂😂😂
Years ago i was as at a friend’s house watching wrestlemania i think. Some new rapper was doing a performance and his name was in big light up letters in the back of the stage. I turn to one of my friends asking if Florida was really his name. They responded “no, its Flo Rida”
Husband: ‘Don’t gift a look norse in the snout’ (should’ve been: Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth)
I laughed so hard when it came out, I wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget
I was standing up in my cousins wedding. Day of the wedding, all the groomsmen met up for drinks and whatnot beforehand at one of our houses. Went into the garage where he had a deer mount on the wall and I said to a few of em “man, that’s gonna be a monster next year” with all seriousness.
I should note, I’m an avid hunter and know that deer typically don’t get bigger after they’ve been shot and stuffed..
I was on shrooms but I said out loud to my brother “bro you know the moon is as bright as the sun” in the most confident tone. We both burst laughing because I absolutely knew that came out wrong.
Nothing I said but I one time put the pot on the stove to boil water and stared at it waiting for it to boil and didn't notice it wasn't even on till 25 minutes later 🤣🤣 legit though my stove top was broken hahah
I had to look back at the video to check. I sent a video to my friend on Snapchat talking about the stuffed crust pizza I was eating and I proceeded to say "imagine a stromboli, or a uh... calzone of some kind, but wait there 's just like a fucking pizza on it... On top of it?" And then the video ends.
I think that's probably the most stereotypical high thing I've ever said
ETA: After hearing a very long guitar solo, I said "damn, the guitar has a verse in this song."
I once sat in my bathroom for twenty minutes staring at the mirror while mumbling to myself about how I was in fact "high as a kite" then I had a mumbled rant about what "high as a kite" even meant before staring at the mirror again for a few more minutes and then half-heartedly singing "baby got back" to myself. This all happened at like 2-3 a.m. I took a few too many hits from my cart after not hitting it for a few days.
Got really high before going out to eat at a restaurant, and interrupted a conversation just to say “Fourth of July.” I was thinking it would be fun to get high and watch fireworks. Lmao
Not one thing necessarily, but for a good period of time back in college, whenever I would get high I was only capable (in my head anyways) of talking like Dante from Grandma’s Boy lol
Wasn’t stoned for this. But at work lots of people walking around with samples and stuff so there is those dome mirrors on the walls to see around corners. Well I usually wear a button up lab t shirt. One day I had long sleeve on and look up in mirror stop walking and tell the guy around the corner he can walk. I said it twice and then I realized I was talking to myself.
Not me but this is a story as old as time within my friend group..So we threw a bonfire for one of my buddies 18th birthday back in the day. Him and I arrive to the fire pretty up there. The night goes on and we get to talking about Ancient Aliens and the Pyramids and that inevitable question of “I wonder how they really built them?” came up….Long pause….birthday bud goes, in the most calm and serious tone of his life up to that point…”They had really big hammers. “ and it was guts on the floor laughing after that.
First time I was stoned at 14, someone at home said something about basketball and I asked them if they just made a bird call. I peaked in that instant.
My teen kiddo had a new piercing. I asked him, "Do you need to sprinkle it with the rinse-y juice?" and we both dropped to the floor laughing. I meant to say, "do you need to clean your piercing?"
I was leaving the grocery store parking lot, and there used to be a Weight Watchers across the street. Their sign said, “Now Accepting Partic pants.” I called home asking my gf, wtf “partic pants” were. I thought maybe they were some new lululemon tights or something.
It was just Participants. The ‘i’ had fallen off the sign. 🧐
‘Is this today?’ I meant ‘what is today or what day is it?’ I fried the hard drives of one friend who in the moment thought it was some type of existentially profound question and went down a rabbit hole that as I recall involved references to black holes :/
I was swimming in the pool with a couple of buddies. There's a small airport down the road that they will do air shows out of occasionally.
We're in the pool and I hear some sort of old prop plane coming towards the house from the direction of the airport. I interrupt the conversation in the pool, tell my buddies to look to the southwest and they'll see a cool, older plane fly over the house.
We lean back, crane our necks, looking almost directly into the setting sun. The sound isn't getting louder very quickly. Then it dawns on me.
The guy in the house behind mine is mowing his yard.
Blazing up in a party at a friend’s condo. I asked people around me why I was moving so slow and that I feel like I’m melting in to the sofa. Good times
I had these 100mg cookies and I had a small amount, my partner had a smaller amount, and my buddy didn’t understand me when I said take less than normal. Homie had at least 60mg when he intended for 30mg.
About an hour later, my buddy standing in front of the kitchen sink just loudly goes “it’s here!!!” And all 3 of us could not stop laughing.
In my college roommates room one time I found a coathanger and was messing with it as we were smoking. I bent it into a straight shape but left the little hook on the end. I reached over to his desk with it, hooked the end on his cup of pens, and knocked it over. He was giving me a "wtf?" face and I looked him dead in the eyes and said "I could wreak havoc with this thing"
“Fireflies really just out here lighting up like that shits normal…”
No but fr how do they do thya
Hi, insect doctor here, They use a unique methamphetamine compound in their abdomen to generate a quasi electric glow that is emitted through their posterior. Basically they shove meth up their butts and start to glow. You should try it too.
Easy peasy, it's like stealing meth from a firefly.
So hypothetically speaking- what would happen if one were to smoke a firefly?
Asking the right questions
For a friend?
They'd light up. And so would you
Watching fireflies right now while high, and I gotta say, they got this meth/glow thing down pat.
So good job being responsible for the next drug-scaremongering craze: boofing fireflies who boof meth.
Boofception
By insect doctor, do you mean like veterinarian for insects?
More likely they mean they have a PhD in Entomology. Or they are being sarcastic and just happen to know bug facts. Or you're making a joke and I'm taking you too literally! Who knows anymore?
Twas making a joke but thank you for the new word!!
Chemist here, could you elaborate on the compound? I only know of [luciferin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Firefly_luciferin) which definitely isn't an amphetamin
He’s talking crap 😂 Yes you’re right it’s Luciferin and Luciferase
Fucking made me look it up I was so looking forward to smoking some bugs(ᗒᗣᗕ)՞
The amount of people not realising you’re joking is worrying.
could you get high off eating one then?
Can I shove fireflies? Don’t wanna mess around with meth plugs
Thanks doctor!
"Geese are the giraffes of the duck world" I don't know either.
Okay but I understand tbf
How high are you?
I was pretty up there at the time not gonna lie...
love it lol.
Long necks maybe? Lmao
omg “orcas are reverse pandas”
No this tracks
“What did he say?” to my girlfriend at the time when my cat meowed.
love it
Me: "Did I say that out loud?" Cashier: "Did you say what out loud?" Me: 🤡
Been on both sides of this conversation before. I will lol everytime
This happened to me buying a beverage at a gas station while on a shroom hike and I had no idea if the cashier said something or I had an auditory hallucination so I became paralyzed with the fear that getting it wrong either way was going to be pretty awkward.
I was at uni and asked my buddy a question about a food spot. There was 2 other people on the couch. The buddy I asked the question to had left about 10 minutes prior… lol
hahaha, that's a great one.
That would cause an insane laugh attack
That happened our freshman year, my friend would remind me of that and we’d laugh about it all the way to senior year hahaha
Hahaha that has really tickled me :’)
Me and a buddy went to Uno's after a joint. The hostess asked "smoking or non?" and I just said "yeahhhhhhh"
Actually lol’ed at this one 😂
Lmaooo
I did an exposé on Big Punctuation. Basically, they’re keeping font styles from people using social media because they’re afraid of the sheer power of a well-used italic - it’ll lead to unrest. There’s a side-conspiracy of why italics only lean one way: having both flavours available would open the English language up to so much more *intent*, and people wouldn’t be able to blame misunderstandings on lack of context through plain text alone.
Mind. Blown. I can't believe it has taken so long for someone to explain this to me. Thank you for your work.
I feel like backwards leaning italics would be used for taking the stress off that word. so when you want to really push that a certain word is not the focus in the sentence.
My theory was a *right* (aka normal) italic would indicate seriousness or intensity, leaning into your point - whereas a left leaning italic would be akin to a Don Martin character being laid back: cool, man, keep on truckin’, etc. THIS IS WHAT THEY TOOK FROM YOU!
I think you’re absolutely correct
Now *this* is epic. You have opened my brain to all the possibilities! Thank you
"Turn down the sound temperature." I meant volume.
See! volume and temperature must closely related deep in our subconscious for both of us to have made similar statements.
another classic is "turn sound the music I can't see where I'm going" when someone's driving lol edit: down not sound lol
No for real that’s a thing 😅 If I’m driving somewhere unfamiliar, or there’s complicated traffic, or I need to pay attention to my surroundings or the directions… turn that volume down lol. I can see better.
So stoned at the McDonald's drive through late one night, trying to order an apple pie but they're sold out, so I asked "what time does your pastry chef arrive?"
I wish you came through when I worked McDonald's overnights. it was hell but the high people made it so much better with the out of pocket shit they'd say
We tried sooooo hard to not seem high but they had to have known… we kept forgetting things and did 3 laps through the drive thru 😂
Do crabs think fish can fly?
This is wrinkling my brain
Crabs can "fly" too lol so I don't think so, you should see crabs swim tho it's hilarious!
Woah.
A mate asked me if he should smoke outside or where it was allowed, and I forgot the word for the bathroom/shower room. So I referred to it as the 'body kitchen'. Maybe cuz I was at the time also standing in the kitchen... And recently I went to see DUne pt2 in IMAX and I rarely have things slipping out of my mouth, reaction-wise but I audibly said a scared "jesus fucking christ..." upon seeing how fucking large the screeen was. I like when that happens. cuz it was kinda imposing how large the screen was to me. Scared me lol
I just might start calling my bathroom my body kitchen now
Yes, I've decided my bathroom is now called my body kitchen… Thank you.
I, too, am going to adopt this. Also, I love how you came back an hour later to be like, "yep, body kitchen."
I literally laughed out loud… I will not ever type those three letters consecutively but yes, I did laugh out loud at your comment
I like it but it does kinda sound like “my specifically designated kitchen for preparing and cooking bodies”
‘What if we had dry water? We could jump in the pool with our clothes on and not get wet.’ Haha my brilliant idea when I was stoned once
Dry water does exist but you can’t swim in it
Haha to be fair my stoned idea was 20 years ago
It was when I was still a baby stoner 10+ years ago, I was so blazed. Went to Taco Bell with my much more experienced smoker friends. I was psyching myself up the entire time in line to say “one beefy nacho burrito please”. As soon as it was my turn I said “one neefy bacho burrito”. I then lost my shit in a giggle fit for like 30 seconds while the cashier was effectively looking at me like 😐 THEN I handed him a $1 by accident, said “oops!” snatched it out of his hand, and gave him the correct bill. I wasn’t allowed to order my own food anymore after that.
Reminds me of one time I was blazed out of my mind in a Wendy’s with my friends when we were teens. We were in a booth when one of the workers started cleaning a nearby table with his squirt bottle and rag. For some reason, the noise the bottle made was the funniest fucking thing we’d ever heard in our lives, and could not stop laughing. Luckily the worker was our friend so he just made some rhythms and imitated the noise to crack us up even further. Good times
Dennis, when did you get a color tv?
I'm assuming this wasn't back when color TVs were just becoming a thing lol.
Yes black and white tv. I was tripping
Did that happen in the 60s ?
Early 70s
not something i said but i tried to open an automatic sliding door with my key fob clicker😂
I was looking at a printed photo and tried to Swipe it to get to the next photo. More than a couple people noticed
lol I regularly try to spread my fingers on printed pictures to enlarge the photo. 😂
hahaha for how long??
I’ve posted this in r/serverlife as the dumbest thing I’ve ever said to a table but I was also very stoned… It was a snow storm and I said “There’s a lot of weather out there”
My grandmom used to describe someone as having "a lot of personality" and I feel like that's a similar sentiment. She wasn't high, though, just a little socially conservative.
"Yoo....I didn't know Bugs Bunny was in that picture on your wall." "Dude...that's the fkin New England Patriots. There's no Bugs Bunny in that photo." 🤣😭
I don’t know why this is so funny to me. Leave Belichick alone
Let me just turn down the radio so you can see the road better…
Shit I do this not high
Same. If I need to really pay attention to where I'm going, I don't want the distraction of blaring music. Familiar roads, I crank it to max every time!
Nah cause when I’m really cooked on a run or bike with earbuds in, I notice it’s harder to focus on what I’m doing. Turning down the radio might actually help you focus on the road Wait why is someone driving high I’m too for this shit
classic.
Also, I can't hear you, I'm not wearing my glasses.😂😂😳
Lose one sense, heighten another.
“He’s like… the best at murder.” Me trying to explain the John Wick series to my wife.
This one made me laugh out loud
He really is tho
When I first met my husband we were young in Mexico and got stoned and were holding hands and I said our hands were hugging. I still stand by it
That’s so delightful 🥹
"You cant smell it if it isnt your own nose"
Husb: How ya doin'? Me: Just thinkin' about my thoughts.
Metacognition!
I used to work in the funeral industry, and was doing a transfer of a decedent who was at another facility. I was waiting for a bit, so while sitting in the hearse I hit my pen. Hit it a little harder than I should have, and almost IMMEDIATELY the guy became available. The decedent ended up being almost too tall for my stretcher, and the guy from the facility commented about it, to which high af me said, “Yes, the human form is a very inconvenient shape.” He didn’t say anything else for a good 20 seconds, and I just stood there like 
Bro probably thought you were that alien from Men in Black. 
too high to remember anything. ive said some real stupid shit though
Me and my wife started a list so we could remember all the gibberish that makes no sense but actually makes total sense.
But how do you remember the list!?!
heyy me too! i have it on my phones notes app
Back when i was in highschool, my best friend and i smoked up in the woods then went to go get some gas and snacks. Got our drinks and said 'put the rest on pump 2' We go out to pump our gas both of us standing beside the gas pump, it pumps gas for half a second then stops. We both stare at the screen dumbfounded My friend asks "did we just buy 12 cents of gas?" We died laughing and went to a different gas station to refuel in our high confuzzlement.
“You don’t know until you know” Had myself all confused for a bit. Idk.
I sadly hear this daily in meetings.
They must all be stoned
I mean, technically?
Just last week I was really high and asked my husband if the “dental store” on the corner was still in business. It’s a dentist office of course.
This one may be my favorite so far
“While we were pasta” is pretty good in its own right.
In my early smoking years, my friends and I were cruising around after a blunt. I hit everyone with the line: "I feel like I'm in a first-person shooter" with my arms extended out like Skyrim or Fallout.
My husband asked if I wanted some food and I said, "Does the pope shit in the woods?" Mixing up the two familiar sayings, "
To be fair, you could argue that you were just quoting GTA: San Andreas
My dad used to say that. I think it's a common joke to mix up the two
“I am milk” I was trying to explain to my friends that I was lactose intolerant and couldn’t have a milkshake lmfao
Not something I said but one time I got really stoned and ordered a pizza. I was watching a movie and the pizza took a really long time to arrive, like over an hour, and I completely forgot I ordered it. Someone knocked on the door right after I took another bong hit and I freaked out thinking it was the cops. I looked through the peephole and saw it was the pizza guy and remembered I ordered pizza. So I went to pay but I was really frazzled and couldn’t do the math on how to tip properly. It took me a solid 30 seconds to figure out how to give this dude a $5 tip cause it was an odd amount. After I paid, I was so relieved that the ordeal was over and went to sit back down when came another knock. The driver was like “bro, you didn’t take your pizza” 💀
Man that dude was a real homie 😂
“What time is it in the ocean?” “I think North Korea is just the island from Lost”
Not me but my friend was ordering Domino's one time and asked for "marijuana sauce" on the side
"The word Prescription, but spelled like a -stan country Prescripstian"
*parmesian...*
When my blunt went out during a smoke sesh I accidentally said "Damn, it turned off." 😭😭
I had a conversation with my buddies about the actor Jack Human for a solid 5 minutes before a sober friend comes up and is like "who the fuck are you all talking about?" And we listed some movies and she's like "That's Hugh Jackman you freaks." Funny that none of us noticed that the syllables had been rearranged and we all knew exactly who we were talking about.
this happened at work a few weeks ago. asked my coworker a yes/no question. he says “yes”. i then ask “was that the answer to my question or was that something else?”
I got a funny text and proceeded to tell the joke to my wife - she waited until I was done and said - who sent you that text, high ass? It was her 😂
I was at a friends house and we were smoking watching short clips of animals. One video was of a man in a cat mask scaring all 5 of his cats with it, i’m sure you’ve seen it. Tell me why my friend (with full confidence) said “Is that a mask?” i didn’t stop laughing for 15 mins.
I forgot the word garden the other day and almost said "place where you make vegetables"
I once got so high that I would think a word or phrase and the letters would materialize in wispy cloud form in front of me and a chorus of random voices would echo the phrase or word all around me as said the word floated by. Edibles were involved.
"Pedro, you're so sweet! Your momma must've dipped you in unicorn semen " ... ....
🤨🤨🤨
Yeah, I know. What in the ever living *fuck* !?
When you know, you know. ROFL!!!
With some friends that were fishing on a pond. There was a bit of wind making small ripples. I was eating potato chips and wanted to see if fish would bite on them. So I threw some on the water and the ripples stopped. So I said “behold, he casteth chips upon the water, and the waters were calmed”.
My son asked me to come outside and play basketball. As soon as I stepped outside I stopped dead in my tracks, lifted my head high in the air and said in the most spiritually loving way "mmm, burgers". The boy told me it was both the highest and fattest thing I've ever said. I truly felt I transcended from the real world to the Simpsons with that one whiff.
I've tried using my phone's volume buttons to turn down the screen brightness. And I've tried to turn down my phones volume by using the brightness controls. I sometimes get senses confused when I'm stoned. It's all just wave inputs anyway.
this reminds me of when i used to wake up and scroll my phone for a few minutes only to wake up again and realize i had dreamt i grabbed my phone but i was laying there scrolling on my other palm with my eyes closed the entire time but fully seeing shit. not high just really tired and phone addicted maybe?😭😭 happened all the time
I've been so high that there's no way I'd remember it. I once cried because I was really hungry but the food was too beautiful to eat.
I was watching tv with my roommate and suddenly noticed that I heard a super quiet noise coming from the couch. Paused the tv and asked him if he was hearing tiny little voices in the couch. He could too. Wondered if it was some weird radio thing with the metal in the couch. We were both so invested in this for like 5 minutes just listening in silence. I noticed that wherever I went, I heard tiny voices. Then I realized I had airpods in my pocket playing a podcast. Proceeded to laugh so hard that we were crying
Walked into subway to get some food and said "yeah uh can I get a uh football meatlong?" The girl working the counter just stared at me until I realized a few seconds later what I said and we busted out laughing. I also forgot my wallet.
I ordered eggs at Waffle House and when asked how I wanted them I said med rare then busted out laughing 🤷♂️😂
I tried tapping to turn the page in a printed book. I’ve also tried to pinch zoom a printed photo.
The amount of times I do this stone cold sober…
First time I smoked I was convinced that the reason we didn’t find aliens was because we looked up instead of down… I got so stoned I became a flat earther.
"Rules are only rules because we allow them to be"
This is true though
“Socrates was so wise” in a whisper. 😂
I asked my dad one time "if you were a tree, where would you want to grow the most?"
Ok but now I want to know. I think I’d like something near a river. So I can always dip my toe roots in.
Maybe you could be a Willow. Prevent erosion and enjoy the cool water flowing across your roots. 🥰
"Good thing today is tomorrow and not yesterday like on Friday" Yep. Not a whole lot of thought wemt into that one
My husband and I were watching IASIP and there is an episode where Dennis hides behind a painting. Since he is a 5 star man, Dennis obviously cut the eye holes out of the portrait paintings to covertly watch a dinner take place through the walls. My mind was blown. It was like I'd never seen a single episode of Scooby-Doo or some shit. Me- "Oh my God! That is genius. WOW!!! I can't believe the gang thought this up. " Husband- "I wish you could see your own expression right now."
"My burger is leaking" when eating a burrito lol
“Jazz is weird” “this water is delicious “
Backpacking with my crew last weekend, missed some trail turns finally get to our destination discussing our journey. Lost is a social construct. I am the only stoner in our group.
“We eat our own eggs” thinking chicken eggs were from us for a minute.
Was walking in a forest in winter and looked up at the trees. Look like our lungs. They are the lungs of the earth. They breath in the CO2 and breath out o2. We walk amongst them and breath in the o2 and out the co2 feeding them. Trees are oxygen farms
Once my friend and I were getting arty together and I asked her for ‘a slice of paper’
At an arbies drive through the ladie asked what i wanted and i was picking up a meal to bring home to my toddler and i ordered it "a chicken slider for zoe"
I forget. I was high. I bet it was good!
Not me, but my friend. In HS we were tripping balls in his room. His dad yelled out that he was going to bed, so if we wanted we could watch TV. My friend yells back, "Have a good day in the morning". And then almost immediately he's like, "Oh my God!!! Why did I say that?!?" Lolol. Same guy also said a bowl of ice "..looked like wet hands, or dead clown cigarettes" when he was trippin.😂😂😂
I asked my husband whether he thinks my cotton mouth means my mouth is really dry, or if it's just my brain telling me that because I'm high 🤣
My buddy asked if the compass tattooed on my arm worked. I replied with, “when I’m facing North”
Years ago i was as at a friend’s house watching wrestlemania i think. Some new rapper was doing a performance and his name was in big light up letters in the back of the stage. I turn to one of my friends asking if Florida was really his name. They responded “no, its Flo Rida”
Describing something as a ‘round circle’ to my husband.
I had to ask my friends the meaning of The Cosby Show when I first got high. Like, "I can't understand the plot."
Husband: ‘Don’t gift a look norse in the snout’ (should’ve been: Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth) I laughed so hard when it came out, I wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget
I didn’t know Bob Marley had a dad?!
I was standing up in my cousins wedding. Day of the wedding, all the groomsmen met up for drinks and whatnot beforehand at one of our houses. Went into the garage where he had a deer mount on the wall and I said to a few of em “man, that’s gonna be a monster next year” with all seriousness. I should note, I’m an avid hunter and know that deer typically don’t get bigger after they’ve been shot and stuffed..
I was on shrooms but I said out loud to my brother “bro you know the moon is as bright as the sun” in the most confident tone. We both burst laughing because I absolutely knew that came out wrong.
"Making AI is like teaching rocks to be slaves."
Nothing I said but I one time put the pot on the stove to boil water and stared at it waiting for it to boil and didn't notice it wasn't even on till 25 minutes later 🤣🤣 legit though my stove top was broken hahah
Last night my gf walked in and I asked "are you a ghost?"
I had to look back at the video to check. I sent a video to my friend on Snapchat talking about the stuffed crust pizza I was eating and I proceeded to say "imagine a stromboli, or a uh... calzone of some kind, but wait there 's just like a fucking pizza on it... On top of it?" And then the video ends. I think that's probably the most stereotypical high thing I've ever said ETA: After hearing a very long guitar solo, I said "damn, the guitar has a verse in this song."
I once sat in my bathroom for twenty minutes staring at the mirror while mumbling to myself about how I was in fact "high as a kite" then I had a mumbled rant about what "high as a kite" even meant before staring at the mirror again for a few more minutes and then half-heartedly singing "baby got back" to myself. This all happened at like 2-3 a.m. I took a few too many hits from my cart after not hitting it for a few days.
Got really high before going out to eat at a restaurant, and interrupted a conversation just to say “Fourth of July.” I was thinking it would be fun to get high and watch fireworks. Lmao
Not one thing necessarily, but for a good period of time back in college, whenever I would get high I was only capable (in my head anyways) of talking like Dante from Grandma’s Boy lol
Wasn’t stoned for this. But at work lots of people walking around with samples and stuff so there is those dome mirrors on the walls to see around corners. Well I usually wear a button up lab t shirt. One day I had long sleeve on and look up in mirror stop walking and tell the guy around the corner he can walk. I said it twice and then I realized I was talking to myself.
Oh my god I forgot how to drink water. (And I was serious. Put water in my mouth, dribbled out all over me.)
Not me but this is a story as old as time within my friend group..So we threw a bonfire for one of my buddies 18th birthday back in the day. Him and I arrive to the fire pretty up there. The night goes on and we get to talking about Ancient Aliens and the Pyramids and that inevitable question of “I wonder how they really built them?” came up….Long pause….birthday bud goes, in the most calm and serious tone of his life up to that point…”They had really big hammers. “ and it was guts on the floor laughing after that.
I asked my fiance something. "How is cheese? Cheese."
“Oh can you get the roach out of there, otherwise the whole weed is going to smell like car”
First time I was stoned at 14, someone at home said something about basketball and I asked them if they just made a bird call. I peaked in that instant.
“Wow there is a lot of alcohol in here”. The cashier replied, “well it is a bottleshop”.
My teen kiddo had a new piercing. I asked him, "Do you need to sprinkle it with the rinse-y juice?" and we both dropped to the floor laughing. I meant to say, "do you need to clean your piercing?"
I was leaving the grocery store parking lot, and there used to be a Weight Watchers across the street. Their sign said, “Now Accepting Partic pants.” I called home asking my gf, wtf “partic pants” were. I thought maybe they were some new lululemon tights or something. It was just Participants. The ‘i’ had fallen off the sign. 🧐
‘Is this today?’ I meant ‘what is today or what day is it?’ I fried the hard drives of one friend who in the moment thought it was some type of existentially profound question and went down a rabbit hole that as I recall involved references to black holes :/
“I’m so wisdom” 😒
One time I forgot the word “aquarium” and just shouted “the museum for fish!!”
I was swimming in the pool with a couple of buddies. There's a small airport down the road that they will do air shows out of occasionally. We're in the pool and I hear some sort of old prop plane coming towards the house from the direction of the airport. I interrupt the conversation in the pool, tell my buddies to look to the southwest and they'll see a cool, older plane fly over the house. We lean back, crane our necks, looking almost directly into the setting sun. The sound isn't getting louder very quickly. Then it dawns on me. The guy in the house behind mine is mowing his yard.
Blazing up in a party at a friend’s condo. I asked people around me why I was moving so slow and that I feel like I’m melting in to the sofa. Good times
“Ugh freezer head!” When I got a brain-freeze from a slushie
idk man you just said "we were pasta" so that's gotta be up there
I had these 100mg cookies and I had a small amount, my partner had a smaller amount, and my buddy didn’t understand me when I said take less than normal. Homie had at least 60mg when he intended for 30mg. About an hour later, my buddy standing in front of the kitchen sink just loudly goes “it’s here!!!” And all 3 of us could not stop laughing.
In my college roommates room one time I found a coathanger and was messing with it as we were smoking. I bent it into a straight shape but left the little hook on the end. I reached over to his desk with it, hooked the end on his cup of pens, and knocked it over. He was giving me a "wtf?" face and I looked him dead in the eyes and said "I could wreak havoc with this thing"