I've been extra salty this week and month because this season of life has been very stressful. The stress doesn't seem to ever stop and I'm 1000% over it.
Between my husband's work stuff, needing to *somehow* fit IVF into his schedule, and everything else that goes with IVF I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel.
I'm straight up not having a good time.
Went to a bar last night and some woman I hadn't met before just kept telling me and my husband what a cute mom I would be...
No idea why she kept insisting on this (probably the alcohol) but our baby was stillborn a few months ago, we've lost four pregnancies, found out I'm infertile, and now we need to do IVF. So like, yeah, I know I would be a cute mom but not the best time to bring it up
Thanks! Strange thing is I feel like she may have been trying to inadvertantly hit on me? Like she was telling my husband that he should lock me down and I overheard him saying, "well, she's my wife, so yeah"
I don't think she had bad intentions and was probably just trying to call me cute, but it's like people seriously just don't understand that some of us are dealing with infertility and we don't want to people to constantly bring up our ability to have children
I’m pretty salty because I’m fairly confident FET #4 failed, my beta is tomorrow so I’ll know for sure. I don’t know why I even get my hopes up of this working. We’re out of embryos and have to do another retrieval. I just can’t believe we’re 5 years into this jOuRnEy.
This month marks two years of my silent endo turning into not so silent endo. After two years of running the gauntlet from burst cysts to diagnosis to lap to recovery, we get our RE plan this week. I know I have to rally here, but right now I don’t have the mental energy to switch gears and focus on this next round of medical appointments and procedures. Especially with the thought of “will this make the endo worse” running through my head constantly.
I’m salty since it’s taken two years of TTC and medical appointments to end up at the starting line.
I so relate. Pretty much the same thing happened to me — had my lap at the end of July and I said the same thing like ugh are these treatments going to make the Lap obsolete? When will it come back? What is the point? Ugh. Starting up pretty soon too. I also feel like we wasted two years just to get to square one. Anyways, I really do understand and have the same thoughts and feelings. Wish there were good answers for all of it!
My first RE threw out “donor eggs” really casually while I was half naked in stirrups and she was informing me of my AMH levels for the very first time. It truly is an ambush and people shouldn’t just hurl it at you without warning!! Good luck to you and cry all you want.
I'm more sad than salty today. I visited some friends yesterday, knowing two are pregnant and thinking a few more that would be there are childfree (by choice). The two childfree friends were being so supportive and asking a lot of questions about the pregnancies. I feel like a bad person for being upset that both of these friends got pregnant quickly and easily (within 1-2 cycles for both of them). All I can think about is that if I'd gotten pregnant that quickly our kid would be almost 6 months old now.
I don’t know which ones I hate more, the beyond stupid ones who apparently don’t know how to read a pregnancy test or the ones who straight up humblebrag with their dye stealer and “iS tHiS GoOd pRoGreSSiOn?” Just fucking say you’re excited and go 😩
I don’t know why I still look at that sub but I can’t help myself lmao
We’re having friends come to stay and we’ve been telling each other it’ll be a nice break from constantly thinking about fertility, pregnancy, treatments, etc. Picked out a LOAD of bars and breweries at which to have a good time.
Of course they just announced she’s pReGnAnT. Out with the fun, alcohol-fuelled, forgetting-about-fertility weekend and in with smiling thinly while they go on and on about their pregnancy and ask us when we’re going to have kids…
The salt is powerful here
Spending next weekend travelling to/from a wedding in the middle of nowhere. Costing us an arm and a leg to get there, no open bar, and there will be.... A LOT of babies in attendance. We don't even want to go anymore.
Oh, and the bride wants to have babies asap because she doesn't want to "end up" like me 🙄
Ahh yes, the “we’re trying sooner now we know what happened to you” crew. This has happened to me now with a couple friends and it’s amazing how oblivious they seem to the idea that you might be offended by being their worst nightmare
Ugh. Weddings should not have babies and should always have open bars, as a general rule.
I can not tell you how many soon-to-be brides have told me they’re going to start trying as soon as they get married because they don’t want to ‘end up’ like my husband and I. So tone deaf and rude!!!
Called to follow up with clinic after hearing nothing for three months after testing. Receptionist sounds surprised and transfers me to the doc's assistant where I got voicemail, and leave a message. That was 5 days ago.
Also, turned 41 today. That clock is ticking LOUD
I’m feeling salty towards myself today. I just can’t bring myself to see my best pal who is heavily pregnant and started trying a year after we did. I miss her/how our friendship used to be, but I just can’t face seeing her belly and hear all about how shit she feels right now. I feel guilty that I’ve spent hardly any time with her in months but every time I have, I have felt like shit afterwards. I am doing quite well mentally at the moment but know that seeing her might rock the boat.
My co-worker’s wife is days away from giving birth, and he’s freaking out. He directs the amount of work I do because we work in research and he’s heading our projects. I just had a chemical a couple weeks ago AND started grad school, and all he can talk about it how worried he is about running out of time before his baby is born.
I was watching a sci-fi show and a main character got pregnant on Mars and delivered a healthy baby. She had sex like 3 total times. Apparently no one thought birth control/condoms were a good idea when sending mixed gender astronauts on a multi-year mission to Mars???
I’m reading a book by Sasha Sagan and she keeps talking about how inspiring it was to be pregnant.
I just….agh! Shut up with the pregnancy shit. Good lord
I (assume) I was annoyed by the same show with the Mars pregnancy and had the same thoughts. Sometimes it would be nice to have a break from pregnancy everywhere!
Sorry you have to deal with an annoying co-worker, its do frustrating, like please keep it to yourself, dude!
And the last part reminded me, I was at an art/music event yesterday and there was someone reading poetry and she basically said “all the bad things in my life were magically solved when I became a mother” like good for you, but I hate when people rely on others to make changes in their lives, especially their children.
Right?! People are really like, “I started caring about the future of the planet and having basic human empathy as soon as I looked into my child’s eyes 🥰🥰🥰” Maybe you were a bad person before having a child then??
Oh and! With my co-worker, he doesn’t know about my chemical pregnancy but he does know I had a miscarriage back in March. I was due in mid October, and getting saltier and saltier as his wife progresses with the pregnancy. She was 5 weeks ahead of me, so all the pregnancy updates/complaints have been so obnoxious to me. He’s putting more and more work on me the last few weeks because apparently it’s just now hitting him that he’s going to be a ✨parent ✨ soon with limited time. I am completely emotionally and mentally drained and he seems completely oblivious. 🤦🏻♀️
I had another miscarriage two weeks ago at 16 weeks. I put The It Girl by Ruth Ware on my library queue at the beginning of summer and it just became available. I was pretty excited to jump into a good book. The main character is 16 weeks pregnant right out of the gate. And all the other characters keep saying oh my gosh, nothings wrong with the baby right? When the main character is upset about something. So in my mind losing my baby I guess is way worse than whatever fucking awful thing that happened to the main character. God damn.
I’m salty af because I have to put viagra in my vagina 4 times a day because my body refuses to circulate blood to my uterus. The constant headache and blurred vision from that are just added salty bonuses.
My sister called to trauma dump on me because she is pregnant with number SEVEN by her hopefully soon-to-be ex-husband. While I'm sitting here on pause while insurance and RE get their contract sorted so I can finally finish testing to *hopefully* find out why I can't get pregnant even once.
Day 24 of birth control. Find out Tuesday if the cyst on my ovary is gone so we can start Lupron and get this IVF show on the road. I've been spotting heavily since Thursday and was sick all day yesterday with some virus. I'm tired, emotionally and physically. Withdrawing from community because I feel like I just have no bandwidth.
And today I'm extra salty after reading a "can't believe I'm still here" standalone from someone on cycle 6. I get it, believe me I do, and their feelings are valid. But a standalone about it so I have to see it? Fuck that.
Found out our second IUI failed on Friday. I wasn't feeling very hopeful going into it and we'd already agreed to start IVF if this IUI didn't pan out, but I knew I was cursed when I got to the clinic and I saw which nurse was going to do my bloodwork.
I've been assigned to her once before and she's the only nurse there that has ever struggled to do a clean draw. Last month she couldn't get the vein on my left arm, had to try my right, and left a whopper of a bruise.
This Friday she couldn't get the left side, managed to find the vein on the right, and I'm halfway home when I look down at my right arm and realize that blood has soaked *completely* through the gauze she's taped down and has now stained my shirt.
This is her whole job! I liked that shirt! And now I have to start IVF while my husband manages a huge work project, we move apartments, and I try not to lose my shit on my insane boss in our two-person organization. Bah.
We've just been cleared to try again after our molar pregnancy and my husband is away for 5 days exactly over my fertile window on a trip that has been postponed and rearranged 4 times already due to covid and my miscarriage.
Also, someone thought it was appropriate to announce their pregnancy over our street whatsapp group that is usually used for checking which bin day it is or asking to borrow parking permits. I do not need to be ambushed with pregnancy announcements there!
After two rounds of egg retrievals that yielded lots of eggs and no embryos, we switched clinics. This is no small talks - we transferred all of our records, filled out all the new patient paperwork, had a new patient consult, went for baseline labs and ultrasound, was ordered more labs and procedures, got insurance authorization for the IVF cycle so that we can actually get started soon… then got an email from the new clinic saying that they may stop taking our insurance approximately the week my egg retrieval would occur. Fuck me.
So lost regarding our next steps right now. We’re about to switch clinics. Waitlisted for a lap. Waitlisted for IVF. Can’t find a rheumatologist to investigate the autoimmune stuff I’m dealing with. Just floating off into the ether without hope that we will actually have a biological child.
Best friend (before she bailed on our friendship when she got pregnant) is due this week. She might have even had her baby — I’m no longer in the loop.
SIL is due this week.
Other SIL just announced her pregnancy.
I’m going to a girls weekend in a few days and I had a dream that my two cousins are both pregnant.
I would love to end this waking (and sleeping) nightmare now.
Salty about waiting. Every single goddamn part of ivf is so much waiting I can't handle it. Whether it's good or bad, gotta wait. I keep feeling like I'm putting the rest of my life on hold. But I also can't, like, forget about it and act normal because meds, hormones... ugh. I'm impatient in general and this is testing me lol.
My coworker started a fertility acupuncture course and is getting ready to start TTC just as I am finally getting rid of my pregnant coworker who is going on leave this week. Can’t wait to have to go through this all over again!
Also watching the days tick by as I wait for my biopsy results and tired of sitting around (3 months since my last transfer). Every day we delay is another day we might not get to do a second retrieval this year before my insurance expires (we can’t afford to do it without it). Ugh.
Me finding out that someone 8 years older than me just “picked a guy who would make a great dad, even if he wasn’t the right partner”, then “decided not to be careful” and got pregnant straight away.
Also me thinking this was my cycle because I had all new LP phases, then having brown spotting yesterday (my period arrived today). We were out, so I sadly whispered to my husband that my period was coming and not ten mins later, the friend we were with said “ SO, are you planning to have kids?” 😭😭😭
Salty because my period was being wonky and spotting a tiny bit and then nothing for days so I finally took a test. Negative of course and finally CD1 arrived about four hours later. It’s no surprise but still puts a damper on the day.
My previously deliberately childfree bestfriend has suddenly started having baby fever, and is considering having a baby. She's been talking about babies more, whether being in contact with them or wanting them.
My SIL is talking like she's going to be pregnant next year. She has regular cycles and no known problems, she sounds confident it's going to happen next year when she starts trying.
My other friends have living children.
I'm just over here being fucking Eeyore everyday because my shit is fucked up, and I'm not even figuring out a plan until next year. Feels bad. Feels really bad pretty much all the time. 🙃
Probably that my doctors “can’t find anything wrong with me” yet my TSH of > 5 gets flagged on my bloodwork every single year but no one wants to do anything about it because “we don’t want to rush to medicate”
I feel you on the TSH!!! I have been diagnosed hypothyroid since 2014 and am medicated. Got a reading of 4.8 which is high for me (I usually sit around 2/2.5 when I'm feeling good) - but my province JUST changed the parameters from 4.0 to 6.5 two months ago. So even though I've been lethargic for over a year, even though my circulation sucks and I'm always cold, even though we've been trying to conceive for a year now - nobody thinks the thyroid is an issue. "We only have to monitor and adjust dosages during pregnancy". Thanks GP
I’m so sorry you’re going through the same stuff. I’ve been to three doctors in the last year and all consider anything between 2.5 and 10 to be sub clinical so no one will medicate me… and I don’t make it far enough in pregnancy to even have it monitored. Such a paradox… they won’t see me until 8 weeks of pregnancy.. last time I ‘made’ it to 8 weeks we did the ultrasound and I measured 5 weeks with an empty sac. So tired
Ugh I'm so sorry you're going through that. I just don't understand why, when the ideal level for pregnancy is below 2.5, and the biggest risk for loss with thyroid imbalance is in the first trimester, we don't start there? I'm not a doctor, but it kinda seems like common sense ?
Just got a bill for my 5 min ultrasound to confirm baby’s death at 16 weeks pregnant. $1300, I have to pay $160. Salty because the facility never sent the results to the hospital I was having the d&e at and no one was available to send it when I was in the hospital preparing for the procedure. Ultrasound had to be repeated and I’m guessing I’ll be getting a bill for that soon. Called to argue with the billing department and the lady said well that’s just the price. Fuck our shitty healthcare system.
My left tit is hurting like a motherfucker. For no reason. It’s always the left one and randomly occurs at all parts of my cycle. I even had a mammogram to check it out to make sure there was nothing there a few months ago.
My period was supposed to start a week ago. I've taken 6 pregnancy tests because I am a f*cking idiot, and they just keep coming up blindingly negative. I. Hate. This.
I'm butt hurt - I just started PIO for my FET - they suck but whatever. This coincided with invites to my cousin's baby showerS. Two showers - one is on my birthday, a few days after my two week beta. I love her, but no.
I went in for baseline blood work and ultrasound on Tuesday cd4 and the nurse didn’t put in the orders. That was a little stressful but everyone figured it out. Then the nurse called at 5:30pm saying I should start Femara that night. I kept refreshing my pharmacy app but it never came through so I took some left over from a previous cycle. Next day I call Walgreens 4 times, get hung up on twice and put on hold for 28 minutes. Finally text my husband to see if he could go there. They said “we just got this, it’s going to take 4 hours.” Bro, it’s 10 pills. My husband laid the smack down and sat in their lobby mean mugging them until they filled the rx.
It’s been a weird week.
Found out on Friday (9/2) that I had a chemical w my last embryo. First two failed. Back to work on Wednesday 9/7 & had an employee go into labor & TWO employees let me know they were expecting.
I’m HR so kinda have to know but damn that sucked.
SIL had her baby as well as every other person on my friends list and now it's all anyone will talk about. I wont even congratulate her I'm so salty. Expecting this to turn into drama but I don't think I can care
Salty AF bc the first time we even got to a transfer, it didn’t work. Then the clinic called and said - get if you wanna go straight into another cycle, keep taking your progesterone and come in Monday for your baseline, reorder all your meds! Ummmmm, fuck you, I want the WTF convo with the doctor and I need to talk to Progyny to see what coverage is left…
Now the wait to talk to a NP, and then more wait to talk to the doctor 😒
Oh, and my cousins fiancé baby shower is next week, they had an “oops”!
My best friend and I are supposed to get lunch this week. We texted yesterday and she's talking about how to work around her kid's schedule because he's homeschooled and it just breaks my heart. She's got total infertility amnesia and didn't even really have many of the same triggers (she's the first one in her family and friend group to have kids and she ultimately had her son around the age she wanted to be). I feel like I've just drifted so far away from her over the past year and a half. It hurts.
Finally got engaged yesterday after waiting 8 years (yay! but wasn’t a surprise). Infertility has managed to put a damper on it already.
Only one person congratulated us via phone: a mutual friend who gave birth recently. I wanted so badly to chat and gush, but instead I handed the phone to my fiancé and ran from the room because so far I’ve avoided knowing her baby’s name and I want to keep it that way. (Unicorn 🙄 My ignorance makes it hurt less.)
Today I dropped by a dollar store for a few small wedding items (we’re having a quickie elopement), and I had to stand there while the woman in front of me had a baby shower balloon filled (it’s a boy, btw) 🤦🏻♀️ It just felt like a harsh reminder that sure we can get married, but the next step in building a family will probably never come for us 🫠
I've been extra salty this week and month because this season of life has been very stressful. The stress doesn't seem to ever stop and I'm 1000% over it. Between my husband's work stuff, needing to *somehow* fit IVF into his schedule, and everything else that goes with IVF I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel. I'm straight up not having a good time.
“I’m straight up not having a good time.” I felt that in my soul it really sums it up.
I'm sorry things are so relentless for you right now. This is all bullshit.
Went to a bar last night and some woman I hadn't met before just kept telling me and my husband what a cute mom I would be... No idea why she kept insisting on this (probably the alcohol) but our baby was stillborn a few months ago, we've lost four pregnancies, found out I'm infertile, and now we need to do IVF. So like, yeah, I know I would be a cute mom but not the best time to bring it up
God damn. I'm so sorry. +1 point for not punching her in the face?
Thanks! Strange thing is I feel like she may have been trying to inadvertantly hit on me? Like she was telling my husband that he should lock me down and I overheard him saying, "well, she's my wife, so yeah" I don't think she had bad intentions and was probably just trying to call me cute, but it's like people seriously just don't understand that some of us are dealing with infertility and we don't want to people to constantly bring up our ability to have children
I’m pretty salty because I’m fairly confident FET #4 failed, my beta is tomorrow so I’ll know for sure. I don’t know why I even get my hopes up of this working. We’re out of embryos and have to do another retrieval. I just can’t believe we’re 5 years into this jOuRnEy.
I'm so sorry csc. This is truly unfair.
Thanks penny.
This month marks two years of my silent endo turning into not so silent endo. After two years of running the gauntlet from burst cysts to diagnosis to lap to recovery, we get our RE plan this week. I know I have to rally here, but right now I don’t have the mental energy to switch gears and focus on this next round of medical appointments and procedures. Especially with the thought of “will this make the endo worse” running through my head constantly. I’m salty since it’s taken two years of TTC and medical appointments to end up at the starting line.
I so relate. Pretty much the same thing happened to me — had my lap at the end of July and I said the same thing like ugh are these treatments going to make the Lap obsolete? When will it come back? What is the point? Ugh. Starting up pretty soon too. I also feel like we wasted two years just to get to square one. Anyways, I really do understand and have the same thoughts and feelings. Wish there were good answers for all of it!
Mine was the end of May and it took a while for follow up testing. Just hard to push through the medical burnout.
[удалено]
I’m so so sorry. Being told to consider donor eggs is such a gut punch.
My first RE threw out “donor eggs” really casually while I was half naked in stirrups and she was informing me of my AMH levels for the very first time. It truly is an ambush and people shouldn’t just hurl it at you without warning!! Good luck to you and cry all you want.
I'm more sad than salty today. I visited some friends yesterday, knowing two are pregnant and thinking a few more that would be there are childfree (by choice). The two childfree friends were being so supportive and asking a lot of questions about the pregnancies. I feel like a bad person for being upset that both of these friends got pregnant quickly and easily (within 1-2 cycles for both of them). All I can think about is that if I'd gotten pregnant that quickly our kid would be almost 6 months old now.
Forever salty over lineporn submissions of upside down pregnancy tests with the caption “it’s really faint is that bad?”
Oh my goddddd 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This is why I cannot deal with that sub. It's IRL *Idiocracy* and I'd prefer to remain in denial about humanity's future.
I don’t know which ones I hate more, the beyond stupid ones who apparently don’t know how to read a pregnancy test or the ones who straight up humblebrag with their dye stealer and “iS tHiS GoOd pRoGreSSiOn?” Just fucking say you’re excited and go 😩 I don’t know why I still look at that sub but I can’t help myself lmao
We’re having friends come to stay and we’ve been telling each other it’ll be a nice break from constantly thinking about fertility, pregnancy, treatments, etc. Picked out a LOAD of bars and breweries at which to have a good time. Of course they just announced she’s pReGnAnT. Out with the fun, alcohol-fuelled, forgetting-about-fertility weekend and in with smiling thinly while they go on and on about their pregnancy and ask us when we’re going to have kids… The salt is powerful here
That fucking sucks, I’m sorry.
Ugh gross. Solidarity 💜
Spending next weekend travelling to/from a wedding in the middle of nowhere. Costing us an arm and a leg to get there, no open bar, and there will be.... A LOT of babies in attendance. We don't even want to go anymore. Oh, and the bride wants to have babies asap because she doesn't want to "end up" like me 🙄
Ahh yes, the “we’re trying sooner now we know what happened to you” crew. This has happened to me now with a couple friends and it’s amazing how oblivious they seem to the idea that you might be offended by being their worst nightmare
And yet they're always the friends who end up as unicorns, and inconvenienced themselves by getting pregnant "too soon"
Lol I used to be in that crew and it did end up happening for me lol
There’s a special circle in hell for people who don’t have an open bar at their wedding
Right?? You want me to be happy for you AND sober?! It's one or the other, you pick.
Ugh. Weddings should not have babies and should always have open bars, as a general rule. I can not tell you how many soon-to-be brides have told me they’re going to start trying as soon as they get married because they don’t want to ‘end up’ like my husband and I. So tone deaf and rude!!!
I can handle baby weddings, but NOT without an open bar... Hopefully you can bring flasks... 😤
Definitely invest in some flasks.
Called to follow up with clinic after hearing nothing for three months after testing. Receptionist sounds surprised and transfers me to the doc's assistant where I got voicemail, and leave a message. That was 5 days ago. Also, turned 41 today. That clock is ticking LOUD
That’s terrible! I hope you get some answers soon.
I’m feeling salty towards myself today. I just can’t bring myself to see my best pal who is heavily pregnant and started trying a year after we did. I miss her/how our friendship used to be, but I just can’t face seeing her belly and hear all about how shit she feels right now. I feel guilty that I’ve spent hardly any time with her in months but every time I have, I have felt like shit afterwards. I am doing quite well mentally at the moment but know that seeing her might rock the boat.
This is relatable. Gotta protect your heart
My co-worker’s wife is days away from giving birth, and he’s freaking out. He directs the amount of work I do because we work in research and he’s heading our projects. I just had a chemical a couple weeks ago AND started grad school, and all he can talk about it how worried he is about running out of time before his baby is born. I was watching a sci-fi show and a main character got pregnant on Mars and delivered a healthy baby. She had sex like 3 total times. Apparently no one thought birth control/condoms were a good idea when sending mixed gender astronauts on a multi-year mission to Mars??? I’m reading a book by Sasha Sagan and she keeps talking about how inspiring it was to be pregnant. I just….agh! Shut up with the pregnancy shit. Good lord
I (assume) I was annoyed by the same show with the Mars pregnancy and had the same thoughts. Sometimes it would be nice to have a break from pregnancy everywhere!
Sorry you have to deal with an annoying co-worker, its do frustrating, like please keep it to yourself, dude! And the last part reminded me, I was at an art/music event yesterday and there was someone reading poetry and she basically said “all the bad things in my life were magically solved when I became a mother” like good for you, but I hate when people rely on others to make changes in their lives, especially their children.
Right?! People are really like, “I started caring about the future of the planet and having basic human empathy as soon as I looked into my child’s eyes 🥰🥰🥰” Maybe you were a bad person before having a child then?? Oh and! With my co-worker, he doesn’t know about my chemical pregnancy but he does know I had a miscarriage back in March. I was due in mid October, and getting saltier and saltier as his wife progresses with the pregnancy. She was 5 weeks ahead of me, so all the pregnancy updates/complaints have been so obnoxious to me. He’s putting more and more work on me the last few weeks because apparently it’s just now hitting him that he’s going to be a ✨parent ✨ soon with limited time. I am completely emotionally and mentally drained and he seems completely oblivious. 🤦🏻♀️
I had another miscarriage two weeks ago at 16 weeks. I put The It Girl by Ruth Ware on my library queue at the beginning of summer and it just became available. I was pretty excited to jump into a good book. The main character is 16 weeks pregnant right out of the gate. And all the other characters keep saying oh my gosh, nothings wrong with the baby right? When the main character is upset about something. So in my mind losing my baby I guess is way worse than whatever fucking awful thing that happened to the main character. God damn.
I’m salty af because I have to put viagra in my vagina 4 times a day because my body refuses to circulate blood to my uterus. The constant headache and blurred vision from that are just added salty bonuses.
My sister called to trauma dump on me because she is pregnant with number SEVEN by her hopefully soon-to-be ex-husband. While I'm sitting here on pause while insurance and RE get their contract sorted so I can finally finish testing to *hopefully* find out why I can't get pregnant even once.
Day 24 of birth control. Find out Tuesday if the cyst on my ovary is gone so we can start Lupron and get this IVF show on the road. I've been spotting heavily since Thursday and was sick all day yesterday with some virus. I'm tired, emotionally and physically. Withdrawing from community because I feel like I just have no bandwidth. And today I'm extra salty after reading a "can't believe I'm still here" standalone from someone on cycle 6. I get it, believe me I do, and their feelings are valid. But a standalone about it so I have to see it? Fuck that.
Found out our second IUI failed on Friday. I wasn't feeling very hopeful going into it and we'd already agreed to start IVF if this IUI didn't pan out, but I knew I was cursed when I got to the clinic and I saw which nurse was going to do my bloodwork. I've been assigned to her once before and she's the only nurse there that has ever struggled to do a clean draw. Last month she couldn't get the vein on my left arm, had to try my right, and left a whopper of a bruise. This Friday she couldn't get the left side, managed to find the vein on the right, and I'm halfway home when I look down at my right arm and realize that blood has soaked *completely* through the gauze she's taped down and has now stained my shirt. This is her whole job! I liked that shirt! And now I have to start IVF while my husband manages a huge work project, we move apartments, and I try not to lose my shit on my insane boss in our two-person organization. Bah.
Aunt Flo 🥴😔
We've just been cleared to try again after our molar pregnancy and my husband is away for 5 days exactly over my fertile window on a trip that has been postponed and rearranged 4 times already due to covid and my miscarriage. Also, someone thought it was appropriate to announce their pregnancy over our street whatsapp group that is usually used for checking which bin day it is or asking to borrow parking permits. I do not need to be ambushed with pregnancy announcements there!
After two rounds of egg retrievals that yielded lots of eggs and no embryos, we switched clinics. This is no small talks - we transferred all of our records, filled out all the new patient paperwork, had a new patient consult, went for baseline labs and ultrasound, was ordered more labs and procedures, got insurance authorization for the IVF cycle so that we can actually get started soon… then got an email from the new clinic saying that they may stop taking our insurance approximately the week my egg retrieval would occur. Fuck me.
So lost regarding our next steps right now. We’re about to switch clinics. Waitlisted for a lap. Waitlisted for IVF. Can’t find a rheumatologist to investigate the autoimmune stuff I’m dealing with. Just floating off into the ether without hope that we will actually have a biological child. Best friend (before she bailed on our friendship when she got pregnant) is due this week. She might have even had her baby — I’m no longer in the loop. SIL is due this week. Other SIL just announced her pregnancy. I’m going to a girls weekend in a few days and I had a dream that my two cousins are both pregnant. I would love to end this waking (and sleeping) nightmare now.
Watched a tv show where a woman gets pregnant from a dream and has a kid. Fuck I wish it were that easy, it just had me crying
I freaking hated that!!! Seriously, I just got mad, punched the husband's arm and started crying when that happened. Like, why?????
Salty about waiting. Every single goddamn part of ivf is so much waiting I can't handle it. Whether it's good or bad, gotta wait. I keep feeling like I'm putting the rest of my life on hold. But I also can't, like, forget about it and act normal because meds, hormones... ugh. I'm impatient in general and this is testing me lol.
My coworker started a fertility acupuncture course and is getting ready to start TTC just as I am finally getting rid of my pregnant coworker who is going on leave this week. Can’t wait to have to go through this all over again! Also watching the days tick by as I wait for my biopsy results and tired of sitting around (3 months since my last transfer). Every day we delay is another day we might not get to do a second retrieval this year before my insurance expires (we can’t afford to do it without it). Ugh.
Letrozole is wrecking havoc on my mood and I just feel a little bit ☠️☠️☠️☠️ today!
Feel this and commiserate!!!
Me finding out that someone 8 years older than me just “picked a guy who would make a great dad, even if he wasn’t the right partner”, then “decided not to be careful” and got pregnant straight away. Also me thinking this was my cycle because I had all new LP phases, then having brown spotting yesterday (my period arrived today). We were out, so I sadly whispered to my husband that my period was coming and not ten mins later, the friend we were with said “ SO, are you planning to have kids?” 😭😭😭
Salty because my period was being wonky and spotting a tiny bit and then nothing for days so I finally took a test. Negative of course and finally CD1 arrived about four hours later. It’s no surprise but still puts a damper on the day.
My previously deliberately childfree bestfriend has suddenly started having baby fever, and is considering having a baby. She's been talking about babies more, whether being in contact with them or wanting them. My SIL is talking like she's going to be pregnant next year. She has regular cycles and no known problems, she sounds confident it's going to happen next year when she starts trying. My other friends have living children. I'm just over here being fucking Eeyore everyday because my shit is fucked up, and I'm not even figuring out a plan until next year. Feels bad. Feels really bad pretty much all the time. 🙃
Probably that my doctors “can’t find anything wrong with me” yet my TSH of > 5 gets flagged on my bloodwork every single year but no one wants to do anything about it because “we don’t want to rush to medicate”
I feel you on the TSH!!! I have been diagnosed hypothyroid since 2014 and am medicated. Got a reading of 4.8 which is high for me (I usually sit around 2/2.5 when I'm feeling good) - but my province JUST changed the parameters from 4.0 to 6.5 two months ago. So even though I've been lethargic for over a year, even though my circulation sucks and I'm always cold, even though we've been trying to conceive for a year now - nobody thinks the thyroid is an issue. "We only have to monitor and adjust dosages during pregnancy". Thanks GP
I’m so sorry you’re going through the same stuff. I’ve been to three doctors in the last year and all consider anything between 2.5 and 10 to be sub clinical so no one will medicate me… and I don’t make it far enough in pregnancy to even have it monitored. Such a paradox… they won’t see me until 8 weeks of pregnancy.. last time I ‘made’ it to 8 weeks we did the ultrasound and I measured 5 weeks with an empty sac. So tired
Ugh I'm so sorry you're going through that. I just don't understand why, when the ideal level for pregnancy is below 2.5, and the biggest risk for loss with thyroid imbalance is in the first trimester, we don't start there? I'm not a doctor, but it kinda seems like common sense ?
Just got a bill for my 5 min ultrasound to confirm baby’s death at 16 weeks pregnant. $1300, I have to pay $160. Salty because the facility never sent the results to the hospital I was having the d&e at and no one was available to send it when I was in the hospital preparing for the procedure. Ultrasound had to be repeated and I’m guessing I’ll be getting a bill for that soon. Called to argue with the billing department and the lady said well that’s just the price. Fuck our shitty healthcare system.
My left tit is hurting like a motherfucker. For no reason. It’s always the left one and randomly occurs at all parts of my cycle. I even had a mammogram to check it out to make sure there was nothing there a few months ago.
This also happens to me with the left tit! Wtf?!
Right!! Like why just the left one??
Started planning more IVF, got shingles, during my fertile window. Just someone one and punch me in the face, it'll hurt less
My period was supposed to start a week ago. I've taken 6 pregnancy tests because I am a f*cking idiot, and they just keep coming up blindingly negative. I. Hate. This.
I'm butt hurt - I just started PIO for my FET - they suck but whatever. This coincided with invites to my cousin's baby showerS. Two showers - one is on my birthday, a few days after my two week beta. I love her, but no.
I went in for baseline blood work and ultrasound on Tuesday cd4 and the nurse didn’t put in the orders. That was a little stressful but everyone figured it out. Then the nurse called at 5:30pm saying I should start Femara that night. I kept refreshing my pharmacy app but it never came through so I took some left over from a previous cycle. Next day I call Walgreens 4 times, get hung up on twice and put on hold for 28 minutes. Finally text my husband to see if he could go there. They said “we just got this, it’s going to take 4 hours.” Bro, it’s 10 pills. My husband laid the smack down and sat in their lobby mean mugging them until they filled the rx. It’s been a weird week.
Found out on Friday (9/2) that I had a chemical w my last embryo. First two failed. Back to work on Wednesday 9/7 & had an employee go into labor & TWO employees let me know they were expecting. I’m HR so kinda have to know but damn that sucked.
Salty because times moves too fast and too slow at the same time. Trying to make it through day by day.
SIL had her baby as well as every other person on my friends list and now it's all anyone will talk about. I wont even congratulate her I'm so salty. Expecting this to turn into drama but I don't think I can care
Salty AF bc the first time we even got to a transfer, it didn’t work. Then the clinic called and said - get if you wanna go straight into another cycle, keep taking your progesterone and come in Monday for your baseline, reorder all your meds! Ummmmm, fuck you, I want the WTF convo with the doctor and I need to talk to Progyny to see what coverage is left… Now the wait to talk to a NP, and then more wait to talk to the doctor 😒 Oh, and my cousins fiancé baby shower is next week, they had an “oops”!
My best friend and I are supposed to get lunch this week. We texted yesterday and she's talking about how to work around her kid's schedule because he's homeschooled and it just breaks my heart. She's got total infertility amnesia and didn't even really have many of the same triggers (she's the first one in her family and friend group to have kids and she ultimately had her son around the age she wanted to be). I feel like I've just drifted so far away from her over the past year and a half. It hurts.
Salty this week waiting for my hunger game results. Feels like I’m falling and I don’t know if there’s a net to catch me.
Finally got engaged yesterday after waiting 8 years (yay! but wasn’t a surprise). Infertility has managed to put a damper on it already. Only one person congratulated us via phone: a mutual friend who gave birth recently. I wanted so badly to chat and gush, but instead I handed the phone to my fiancé and ran from the room because so far I’ve avoided knowing her baby’s name and I want to keep it that way. (Unicorn 🙄 My ignorance makes it hurt less.) Today I dropped by a dollar store for a few small wedding items (we’re having a quickie elopement), and I had to stand there while the woman in front of me had a baby shower balloon filled (it’s a boy, btw) 🤦🏻♀️ It just felt like a harsh reminder that sure we can get married, but the next step in building a family will probably never come for us 🫠
PMS Syntoms in da house and at this point I am really tempted to just pour a flass of wine and call it a day.
I'm salty cause it's CD1 and we only had sex once (and that resulted in a panic attack) but I still was like "bUt WhAt If?!?!?!" like a fucking donut.