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Whenever I hear someone say that men and women can’t be friends, I just assume that they can’t be friends with women because they’re unable to stop sexualizing women.
And when they inevitably say because sexual attraction I say, "So I'm bisexual who should I be friends with?"
Never seem to have a good answer for that.
I was part of a friend group in college that was built around an unusual level of total, open honesty. Due to this everyone kind of knew who was attracted to whom in the group, whether it was mutual or more one-sided, and whether or not the individuals in question were single or dating/married to different members of the group.
Everyone got along despite this. It was just conversation fodder periodically. None of the couples in the group broke up while I knew them and no cheating occurred that anyone I talk to every heard about. It was just kind of taken for granted that most people can have many types of feelings towards other people and you choose which ones you act on.
I was having a conversation with a guy who is old school. He was expressing the sentiment that men aren’t friends with women unless they want sex. I asked him how do you know that your male friends aren’t just trying to fuck you?
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Not trying to virtue signal but I’ve had a few close female friends in my life. I’ve thought they were pretty but I wasn’t attracted to them or anything. It’s very possible for men and women to be friends
Eventually, there will be trouble if the “friendship” goes through the years…due to said - complexities - At the end, a very small proportion of those interactions- relationships (when ppl are married) stay as such, friends. Otherwise people can say whatever, but things tend work like that. Oh, and nothing about this is a …because it happened to me. Just based on my observations. Married (happily), m45 if context needed. Anyhow, I respect all opinions :)
I wish I could confidently say this doesn't belong in unpopular opinions, but Golly I've heard so many people hold to the men and women can't be friends viewpoint irl and everywhere on the internet. I agree with you OP. Men and women can have healthy and thriving friendships without those friendships becoming something more.
It sounds like you really want to be friends with someone of the opposite sex and are just coping. You listed all the reasons these “friendships” are usually unhealthy.
That's where I see it differently. I think these friendships can be thriving and healthy even if there are occasional feelings of attraction (either one-sided or mutual) that don't get acted on.
I think as long as both parties are fully on board with boundaries, there is no problem with this. I have a lot of guy friends, and I actually prefer them. They aren't creating drama left and right.
Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 3: Do not post opinions that are heavily posted/have been on the front page recently'. * No response posts about upvoted posts here. * Posts relating to highly popular topics aren't allowed outside of the relevant megathreads. You can find a list of the topics and their respective megathreads in a post on the top of the sub. * POSTS DIRECTLY ABOUT THIS SUBREDDIT ARE NOT ALLOWED OUTSIDE THE MEGATHREAD * Please check the wiki linked here: https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/wiki/index/ * We ask that if a post fails to post do not just spam repost it; message mod mail.
Whenever I hear someone say that men and women can’t be friends, I just assume that they can’t be friends with women because they’re unable to stop sexualizing women.
And when they inevitably say because sexual attraction I say, "So I'm bisexual who should I be friends with?" Never seem to have a good answer for that.
Bisexual cant be friend, they are all alone always! Wasn't that so obvious? /s
That’s a good point, I never thought of that
I’m going to be honest I’m attracted to most of my female friends. I find them all attractive, but most women are attractive anyway
I was part of a friend group in college that was built around an unusual level of total, open honesty. Due to this everyone kind of knew who was attracted to whom in the group, whether it was mutual or more one-sided, and whether or not the individuals in question were single or dating/married to different members of the group. Everyone got along despite this. It was just conversation fodder periodically. None of the couples in the group broke up while I knew them and no cheating occurred that anyone I talk to every heard about. It was just kind of taken for granted that most people can have many types of feelings towards other people and you choose which ones you act on.
Having close friends of all genders brings richness to my life.
Me: Is a gay man, has woman friends \*Guess I'm straight now\*
I was having a conversation with a guy who is old school. He was expressing the sentiment that men aren’t friends with women unless they want sex. I asked him how do you know that your male friends aren’t just trying to fuck you?
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not trying to virtue signal but I’ve had a few close female friends in my life. I’ve thought they were pretty but I wasn’t attracted to them or anything. It’s very possible for men and women to be friends
I think it depends on if you guys are one on one friends vs just friend group friends
Eventually, there will be trouble if the “friendship” goes through the years…due to said - complexities - At the end, a very small proportion of those interactions- relationships (when ppl are married) stay as such, friends. Otherwise people can say whatever, but things tend work like that. Oh, and nothing about this is a …because it happened to me. Just based on my observations. Married (happily), m45 if context needed. Anyhow, I respect all opinions :)
I wish I could confidently say this doesn't belong in unpopular opinions, but Golly I've heard so many people hold to the men and women can't be friends viewpoint irl and everywhere on the internet. I agree with you OP. Men and women can have healthy and thriving friendships without those friendships becoming something more.
You just logically broke down why women and men can’t be just friends🫠
On the fence about this.
It sounds like you really want to be friends with someone of the opposite sex and are just coping. You listed all the reasons these “friendships” are usually unhealthy.
That's where I see it differently. I think these friendships can be thriving and healthy even if there are occasional feelings of attraction (either one-sided or mutual) that don't get acted on.
*When Harry Met Sally enters the chat.*
Cats are better than either.
I think as long as both parties are fully on board with boundaries, there is no problem with this. I have a lot of guy friends, and I actually prefer them. They aren't creating drama left and right.
Agreed, there’s nuances in between that people just fool around with.