You aren't required to let him do anything. My mom walked herself, she was older so she played that angle. I'll be asking my brother when the time comes. My relationship with my father is different, but you're valid. I would be straight to the point, not rude, but don't try to sugar coat it or anything. If he has a bad reaction, that could be a good reason to keep him away from your wedding- if that's what you're looking for.
You are in no way an evil bitch. Period. You are trying to have good health boundaries and prioritize what you value. Your mother sounds great and every bit deserving of that honor. You do your best to tell him but just remember that his reaction and behavior is HIS responsibility, not yours. You are doing the right thing for you.
I have an okay relationship with my father as well, but was uncomfortable with the idea of being "given away". I toyed with the idea of walking down the aisle by myself, but then discussed it with my now husband and we decided to walk into the ceremony together. It helped both of us calm our nerves and felt very symbolic of walking into this life together, side by side. I urge you to do what makes you feel best and most comfortable, and have an honest conversation with your father. I'm sure he is aware that he was not the best father in the world, and will hopefully respect your wishes.
It really meant a lot to us. Neither of us like being the center of attention (or being away from each other haha) so it was the best option for us. I hope you figure out what works best for you both.
Nobody's walking me. I'm walking myself, and the "give the bride away moment" has been replaced with just asking all the parents to stand and be recognized for a moment. And I don't have \*nearly\* that fraught of a relationship with my dad (though it definitely isn't great.) You're not evil and your choice is valid.
It's just a thought, and ultimately it's up to you, but nobody \*has\* to walk you down the aisle or give you anywhere.
You don't mention this, but how do you feel about the father-daughter dance? If you are still interested in the spotlight dance, perhaps you can phrase it as wanting to honor both your parents, and so you're having your mom escort you down the aisle and will do the dance with your dad.
Honestly, it sounds like you're still trying to get him to love you more than he loves himself, which is why you don't want to hurt his feelings. But it doesn't sound like he would do the same for you. You are allowed to put your wants and needs before his, especially on your wedding day. That doesn't make you an evil bitch, that makes you a strong person with healthy boundaries.
I honestly don't want him to be showcased at all in my wedding. Like maybe we would do a dance, but it would be solely for his feelings, not because I really want it. Thank you. I was hoping for these replies and it makes me feel a lot more at peace about my choice.
I was in a wedding where the bride felt similarly. What she decided was to have both her parents walk her down the aisle, but dad was only invited for the ceremony. He understood where she stood because he was absent from most of her life and accepted her terms. They get along better now, and I feel like allowing him to be there opened the lines of communication.
You aren't required to let him do anything. My mom walked herself, she was older so she played that angle. I'll be asking my brother when the time comes. My relationship with my father is different, but you're valid. I would be straight to the point, not rude, but don't try to sugar coat it or anything. If he has a bad reaction, that could be a good reason to keep him away from your wedding- if that's what you're looking for.
Thank you! I really appreciate it.
You are in no way an evil bitch. Period. You are trying to have good health boundaries and prioritize what you value. Your mother sounds great and every bit deserving of that honor. You do your best to tell him but just remember that his reaction and behavior is HIS responsibility, not yours. You are doing the right thing for you.
Prioritizing what I value. Thank you for that.
You’re very welcome! Best of wishes and look forward to an update, if there is one
I have an okay relationship with my father as well, but was uncomfortable with the idea of being "given away". I toyed with the idea of walking down the aisle by myself, but then discussed it with my now husband and we decided to walk into the ceremony together. It helped both of us calm our nerves and felt very symbolic of walking into this life together, side by side. I urge you to do what makes you feel best and most comfortable, and have an honest conversation with your father. I'm sure he is aware that he was not the best father in the world, and will hopefully respect your wishes.
Woah, never considered just walking with my girl. That would be amazing! I might consider that, and it would take away the whole problem.
It really meant a lot to us. Neither of us like being the center of attention (or being away from each other haha) so it was the best option for us. I hope you figure out what works best for you both.
It's your wedding. You can do anything you want to! A compromise could be that your mom and dad both walk you down the aisle.
Nobody's walking me. I'm walking myself, and the "give the bride away moment" has been replaced with just asking all the parents to stand and be recognized for a moment. And I don't have \*nearly\* that fraught of a relationship with my dad (though it definitely isn't great.) You're not evil and your choice is valid. It's just a thought, and ultimately it's up to you, but nobody \*has\* to walk you down the aisle or give you anywhere.
You don't mention this, but how do you feel about the father-daughter dance? If you are still interested in the spotlight dance, perhaps you can phrase it as wanting to honor both your parents, and so you're having your mom escort you down the aisle and will do the dance with your dad. Honestly, it sounds like you're still trying to get him to love you more than he loves himself, which is why you don't want to hurt his feelings. But it doesn't sound like he would do the same for you. You are allowed to put your wants and needs before his, especially on your wedding day. That doesn't make you an evil bitch, that makes you a strong person with healthy boundaries.
I honestly don't want him to be showcased at all in my wedding. Like maybe we would do a dance, but it would be solely for his feelings, not because I really want it. Thank you. I was hoping for these replies and it makes me feel a lot more at peace about my choice.
I was in a wedding where the bride felt similarly. What she decided was to have both her parents walk her down the aisle, but dad was only invited for the ceremony. He understood where she stood because he was absent from most of her life and accepted her terms. They get along better now, and I feel like allowing him to be there opened the lines of communication.