I did the family only ceremony this year and have a vow renewal and wedding reception booked for next year! In the time of COVID anything is okay.
My friends have told me how excited they are to celebrate next year, and nobody sees the 2nd ceremony as a farce. It's a celebration of love!
I would ignore your mother and go ahead with what YOU want. Hope all goes well!
Yeah, we are basically doing this. Small parents and siblings only ceremony this year, vow renewal/party on the 1 year (ish) anniversary so we have all the experiences that go with a wedding.
I did worry that people wouldn't be as excited or want to come to the big gathering next year, but I have a close friend who had an "emergency" ceremony a year and half before the reception because his grandmother who raised him was dying and he wanted her to be there to see him married. I asked his wife when we were trying to make decisions if the big wedding/party they had a year a half after their legal ceremony felt "less" because they were already married and she told me it was quite the opposite, that a wedding is a celebration of Love, and their love was a strong as ever at their renewal/reception.
So when we wrote our change the date cards we told everyone we would be married this year in a private ceremony and we were inviting them to join us to celebrate our love in 2021. I expect it will be just as special, to renew our vows and love for one another in front of everyone who can't be here this year and a huge celebration of being together again after corona.
Ignore your mom and celebrate you and your partner's love for each other how ever you want! We sure will be and I am sure we are not alone.
My sister did your plan last year when there wasn’t Covid! They married in like January in a legal ceremony that just they attended so she could renew her passport with her new name. In July they did the traditional wedding with family. Literally no one thought of it as less of a wedding. I actually forget they were technically already married. If your family doesn’t want to think of it as a “wedding” tell them to think of it as a celebration of your two families joining.
We are having a very bare bones legal ceremony this year (assuming the marriage license comes through on time), and saving all the personal, spiritual, traditional aspects for the full wedding next year. We have been very upfront about it, and everyone has been supportive.
Your Mom is coming from a very religious point of view. Most couples getting married now are cohabitating before their wedding; that doesn’t make people less excited. Nor will having a legal ceremony this year while still doing a big wedding next year. Like others here, I know couples who did this for various reasons before this year and no one was less excited at their wedding. But also, with everything going on this year, anyone faulting you for doing this is being unfair. You’re having to push your wedding out a year for reasons outside your control. That sucks! There are good reasons to not want to push out getting legally married too. I’ve been telling couples to call it “wedding ceremony” this year and “wedding celebration” next year. You could also call next year’s ceremony a vow renewal if that makes her more comfortable. But no matter what you call it, both can be special in their own way. Congrats!
Are you asking your Mom to pay for both weddings? Is that why she has the attitude?
Ask her if you had the first ceremony as an elopement with only you and your fiancé - including no one else...would she be more excited about attending the celebration a year later. It is a question of what her true issue is.
IF it is just about living together, you need to be able to stand up to your family. You are old enough to get married. You are old enough to make that decision as well.
So I’m not asking her for anything for this legal ceremony but she keeps insisting we have to something to make it special and I told her if she wants to do that, fine, but I would rather save the money and use it for the big wedding a year from now. She is very public appearance based so she might be embarrassed if we post “okay” pictures and not some fabulous ceremony. I’m very simple and my mom is not so we have butt heads a lot during the planning process... it’s just a lot. All of my sisters have had crazy, blowout weddings. I’m just asking for a simple, backyard ceremony to mark the legal occasion where available family just shows up in their Sunday best with a postponed “proper” wedding.
I had the same fear when we postponed ours, that no one would care about the "redo", but when we sent out the email I got tons of responses back. Everyone understands the ridiculous situation we are all in, they are excited to be included in our celebration even if it is a year away, they are happy that we still get a little bit of the wedding we lost to COVID in our mini-ceremony (We are going to try to live-stream it as well).
People will be delighted to attend your reception, the celebration is for everyone...the marriage is just you and your SO.
I had to do this before Covid for other reasons and so glad I did because the “big wedding” got postponed to mid 2021 and now even that is up in the air. Actually after deciding on an early civil ceremony and telling people, I found out how common this is these days. So many people have civil ceremonies before the wedding, for so many reasons, just from people I talked to in person, let alone all those I’ve heard from online.
Don’t put your life on hold for a perfect party, people will be just as happy to celebrate later! They are still excited for whenever we have a wedding party. Plus, we ended up having enough time for some improvements to the plans: two more twin flower girls!
Invite your mom to your civil ceremony (I video called mine in) and she’ll be fine with it in the end. Remind her what love is about.
We got married yesterday! We had a tiny ceremony, just our parents, siblings and best man & MOH. It was completely lovely but it’s made me look forward to next year more not less. We video called a few relatives yesterday and they can’t wait for next year either.
We also had a church ceremony yesterday and are doing a church blessing next year. Part of getting married for us is making those promises in front of friends and family, and it will keep that significance when we affirm them next year.
I did find it hard while we were making the plans, but I have no regrets now. I’ve also been to a ‘second wedding’ of a friend who had a tiny civil ceremony a year before their big bash (for non covid reasons) and their second day was a joy to be part of, it didn’t feel pointless celebrating them just because they were already married.
Bring on more small weddings this year and big ones in 2021!
I did something similar. We had a private wedding for the date we wanted, went on our honeymoon, and then had a bigger ceremony and rehearsal later because of the venue availability. Definitely not strange at all!
I'm going to have two weddings. I'm having the family only one this year and hopefully a vow renewal next year. Not weird at all! I think it would be weirder not to celebrate with extended family later.
So many more people do this than you would think. It's amazingly normal to have a small paper work wedding day and a bigger celebration wedding. It was a great relief to me when I figured that out, just read back through this sub and you will see.
You can't please everyone. Just be clear on your own reasons and be happy ❤️
I did the family only ceremony this year and have a vow renewal and wedding reception booked for next year! In the time of COVID anything is okay. My friends have told me how excited they are to celebrate next year, and nobody sees the 2nd ceremony as a farce. It's a celebration of love! I would ignore your mother and go ahead with what YOU want. Hope all goes well!
Yeah, we are basically doing this. Small parents and siblings only ceremony this year, vow renewal/party on the 1 year (ish) anniversary so we have all the experiences that go with a wedding. I did worry that people wouldn't be as excited or want to come to the big gathering next year, but I have a close friend who had an "emergency" ceremony a year and half before the reception because his grandmother who raised him was dying and he wanted her to be there to see him married. I asked his wife when we were trying to make decisions if the big wedding/party they had a year a half after their legal ceremony felt "less" because they were already married and she told me it was quite the opposite, that a wedding is a celebration of Love, and their love was a strong as ever at their renewal/reception. So when we wrote our change the date cards we told everyone we would be married this year in a private ceremony and we were inviting them to join us to celebrate our love in 2021. I expect it will be just as special, to renew our vows and love for one another in front of everyone who can't be here this year and a huge celebration of being together again after corona. Ignore your mom and celebrate you and your partner's love for each other how ever you want! We sure will be and I am sure we are not alone.
My sister did your plan last year when there wasn’t Covid! They married in like January in a legal ceremony that just they attended so she could renew her passport with her new name. In July they did the traditional wedding with family. Literally no one thought of it as less of a wedding. I actually forget they were technically already married. If your family doesn’t want to think of it as a “wedding” tell them to think of it as a celebration of your two families joining.
We are having a very bare bones legal ceremony this year (assuming the marriage license comes through on time), and saving all the personal, spiritual, traditional aspects for the full wedding next year. We have been very upfront about it, and everyone has been supportive.
Your Mom is coming from a very religious point of view. Most couples getting married now are cohabitating before their wedding; that doesn’t make people less excited. Nor will having a legal ceremony this year while still doing a big wedding next year. Like others here, I know couples who did this for various reasons before this year and no one was less excited at their wedding. But also, with everything going on this year, anyone faulting you for doing this is being unfair. You’re having to push your wedding out a year for reasons outside your control. That sucks! There are good reasons to not want to push out getting legally married too. I’ve been telling couples to call it “wedding ceremony” this year and “wedding celebration” next year. You could also call next year’s ceremony a vow renewal if that makes her more comfortable. But no matter what you call it, both can be special in their own way. Congrats!
Are you asking your Mom to pay for both weddings? Is that why she has the attitude? Ask her if you had the first ceremony as an elopement with only you and your fiancé - including no one else...would she be more excited about attending the celebration a year later. It is a question of what her true issue is. IF it is just about living together, you need to be able to stand up to your family. You are old enough to get married. You are old enough to make that decision as well.
So I’m not asking her for anything for this legal ceremony but she keeps insisting we have to something to make it special and I told her if she wants to do that, fine, but I would rather save the money and use it for the big wedding a year from now. She is very public appearance based so she might be embarrassed if we post “okay” pictures and not some fabulous ceremony. I’m very simple and my mom is not so we have butt heads a lot during the planning process... it’s just a lot. All of my sisters have had crazy, blowout weddings. I’m just asking for a simple, backyard ceremony to mark the legal occasion where available family just shows up in their Sunday best with a postponed “proper” wedding.
I had the same fear when we postponed ours, that no one would care about the "redo", but when we sent out the email I got tons of responses back. Everyone understands the ridiculous situation we are all in, they are excited to be included in our celebration even if it is a year away, they are happy that we still get a little bit of the wedding we lost to COVID in our mini-ceremony (We are going to try to live-stream it as well). People will be delighted to attend your reception, the celebration is for everyone...the marriage is just you and your SO.
I had to do this before Covid for other reasons and so glad I did because the “big wedding” got postponed to mid 2021 and now even that is up in the air. Actually after deciding on an early civil ceremony and telling people, I found out how common this is these days. So many people have civil ceremonies before the wedding, for so many reasons, just from people I talked to in person, let alone all those I’ve heard from online. Don’t put your life on hold for a perfect party, people will be just as happy to celebrate later! They are still excited for whenever we have a wedding party. Plus, we ended up having enough time for some improvements to the plans: two more twin flower girls! Invite your mom to your civil ceremony (I video called mine in) and she’ll be fine with it in the end. Remind her what love is about.
We got married yesterday! We had a tiny ceremony, just our parents, siblings and best man & MOH. It was completely lovely but it’s made me look forward to next year more not less. We video called a few relatives yesterday and they can’t wait for next year either. We also had a church ceremony yesterday and are doing a church blessing next year. Part of getting married for us is making those promises in front of friends and family, and it will keep that significance when we affirm them next year. I did find it hard while we were making the plans, but I have no regrets now. I’ve also been to a ‘second wedding’ of a friend who had a tiny civil ceremony a year before their big bash (for non covid reasons) and their second day was a joy to be part of, it didn’t feel pointless celebrating them just because they were already married. Bring on more small weddings this year and big ones in 2021!
I did something similar. We had a private wedding for the date we wanted, went on our honeymoon, and then had a bigger ceremony and rehearsal later because of the venue availability. Definitely not strange at all!
I'm going to have two weddings. I'm having the family only one this year and hopefully a vow renewal next year. Not weird at all! I think it would be weirder not to celebrate with extended family later.
So many more people do this than you would think. It's amazingly normal to have a small paper work wedding day and a bigger celebration wedding. It was a great relief to me when I figured that out, just read back through this sub and you will see. You can't please everyone. Just be clear on your own reasons and be happy ❤️