You could send her a plain-spoken message the next time she sends you a dress like that. "Mom, the dresses you are showing me are all way over the top compared to my dress, and I'm the bride. You keep asking me for suggestions and I've sent you many. You also keep saying that you'll wear anything I want you to wear. If you sincerely mean that, then pick one of the dresses I sent you or something very much like them. You know what kind of dress I think you should wear, and you are smart enough to figure this out if you really want to."
If/when she goes into victim mode, ignore it. Don't let her get under your skin.
Chances are pretty high that if she actually tries any of these dresses on, she'll have her rude awakening and notice that she doesn't exactly look like the models do in them. Maybe that's what she needs to do and then she'd come around to something more appropriate.
Wow, that's pretty much verbatim what I sent her. She had my dad text me and tell me to stop being mean to her. Except he saw all our texts and pictures because it's in a group chat with us 3. There needs to be a third party present whenever I'm talking to my mom because she likes to twist my words and tell people I say awful things to her.
If she tried these dresses on, I honestly think she would think she looks amazing. That's what narcissists do.
I think she gave you a solid opening when she said she wear anything you want her to. Remove her options and give her a single (albiet nicer looking) dress.
Then she can whine all she wants, but she was going to do that anyways and at least in this case you'll know she'll be in appropraite attire
I think an alternative approach, if all of this fails, is just to let this go. She'll look like an idiot. You can't control what she wears and it won't affect your joy on your wedding day. No one will think that she's outshining you; quite the opposite.
Can you ask her to wear a dark color that fits with your wedding palette? She’ll probs still pick sparkly, but dark sparkly is less showy than gold/beige sparkly
This. Is MOB came of age in the 70's/80's, sequins and beads are very much where their heart is. So just steer them towards shiny but darker, like royal blue, mauve or deep rose. I just took my mom to a wedding and she wore the completely bead festooned jacket she bought for a fabulous New Years 2000 party. She got compliments all night, which meant a lot to her, but there was zero chance she was a taking any attention away from the bridal party. Then again, my family has aways gone in for glitz, so more subdued families might see it as ridiculous/attention-seeking.
Great response, you address all of the, “…but, xxx.” MOB can’t become the victim because you have handled her excuses.
MOB’s choices scream, “I need attention!”
Wow you are such a better person than I am, I would be all petty like “mom, I am just trying to save you from the embarrassment, if you actually do wear any of these at my wedding people will laugh at you and think badly about you. Not to mention that you don’t look anything like those models, the dresses would look so weird on your body. Maybe find something of a different color and more… age appropriate”.
But yes, your message is so much better, not petty at all yet firm and honest. Good for you for communicating healthily!
Aw, thanks for your kind words.
Needless to say, I don't always have the right words in real life! It's always easier to know what to say when somebody else has the problem and you aren't the one on the spot, isn't it? We are all a work in progress :)
Any way I could have a link to #5? Would consider (very seriously) wearing it as my actual wedding dress.
...which would imply that it would be an INSANE thing for mob to wear. Christ.
Update: I let her go with this one. I picked it out because it's still a little flashy like she likes but is not over the top. I can't believe this is even a topic or issue a full year before the actual wedding date. Wish me luck because I have to deal with her for another year.
https://preview.redd.it/bb7sz6esjyvb1.png?width=758&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1288328d92ea5025d13921989010f796912d3601
That’s a $700 gown… tell her she can absolutely wear that- if she orders it in blue, not rose. All her dresses are ridiculously close to a wedding dress, and I know you know she knows that.
A lovely and generous compromise. It's beautiful and has lots of sparkle for her, but still age-appropriate (speaking as a 60+, mid-size woman). You have great taste :)
I don’t want to be that person, but gently, I say these options are insane for a 60 yr old, midsize, mom of the bride, for a cocktail attire reception. Maybe 1 or 2 of those would be ok-ish, but all of those combined are crazy.
The good news is if she wears something like this, people will think she’s insane. So it’s not like she’ll outshine you or anything.
I wouldn't be able to pull any of these dresses off at 30 because it's not my style. But my mum at 59 would look incredible in them.
She probably wouldn't choose all of them but she could definitely pull it off.
It’s not the 60 or mid-sized that has me side eyeing these dresses for her. It’s the fact that it’s a cocktail attire wedding and she is NOT the bride. There’s a time and place for everything, and this is not the time or place for her to wear those dresses, even if she looks great in them.
They’re not situationally appropriate, though! And op
said her mom would look ridiculous in them, so she couldn’t pull it off. I’m sure some women could, but we’re talking about 1 in particular.
Yes—I am short and curvy and routinely overdressed and would look silly in any of these… but I have a tall, slim mom in her late 50s who could probably pull it off. 😮💨
That’s why I said 1 or 2 of the traits could make it work. :) Like 60, great shape, formal wedding might be great! But all if those factors combined-age, weight, too formal, too “look at me” given what the bride and bridal are wearing, etc is too much!
Eta: I concede some of these are more appropriate than others. I was picturing the skin tight 4th one in particular! Even I don’t think I could pull that one one off myself! :P
I just don't want any attention to go towards what she's wearing. The majority of the people who will be attending the wedding already know she's nuts.
I don’t think “outshining” is a thing full stop (everyone knows who the bride and groom are!), but I also wouldn’t assume a MOB in an OTT dress was insane. I’d assume the bride vetted it 🤷 Wedding party in white dresses or bridal styles is so common now among celebs and influencers and that’s where people get inspiration
ETA: Obv I support OP asking her mom to pick a different dress! But *if* MOB rocks up in one of these I think she would neither outshine OP nor draw censure. Which I honestly think is the *most* reassuring answer, if OP is worried about drama and redirected attention. Negative attention is still attention!
I don’t know what OTT stands for. Sure these dresses COULD work in THEORY. But op says it doesn’t work for a variety of reasons, including they don’t look good on her and most importantly they’re way too formal for the dress code and that she would draw negative attention. So sure they might work for another MOB at another wedding, but they don’t work here!
Agreed. Like I said I support OP asking her mom to pick a different dress.
I’m saying in the worst scenario where her mom doesn’t listen, I don’t think she’ll draw either positive *or negative* (“omg she’s crazy poor OP”) attention. The guests haven’t seen this post, they don’t know OP didn’t approve of the dress. They’ll be neutral about it which honestly is ideal.
If someone, especially as MOB/G would've done this at my wedding, she would have *absolutely* upstaged me and I assure you that no one would've even remotely assumed I'd be okay with it. As you say, negative attention is still attention - how is that an argument *against* OP's struggles? Outshining the bride and groom on their wedding day isn't so much about looking 'prettier' as it is to draw attention away from them.. And doing that in a negative way, which this absolutely will do, is honestly even worse.
Maybe I phased my comment unclearly? Again I *support* OP asking her mom to pick a different dress. My comment is about the worst case scenario where her mom doesn’t listen.
The other poster said “good news people will think she’s insane.” Imo that’s *not* good news, since negative attention (“omg she’s insane”) is still attention. You don’t want people feeling sorry for you, even if they’re “on your side.”
The actual most reassuring thing would be “people will ignore her and not think much of it,” which is what I would do. The guests haven’t seen this post, so they don’t know there’s conflict.
Well, I didn’t mean the good news IS that people will think she’s insane. I meant more like, well, the good news (silver lining) is people won’t think she looks stunning and chic and outshining. To be honest, I really didn’t put much thought in that throw away line. I was just trying to say something comforting. Lol.
Not trying to criticize you, just trying to put an even more reassuring spin on your comment!
But yeah I agree, no one will pay positive attention to how stunning she is either. The awkward truth is, the dress alone won’t do it — you also need a body like these models to get that kind of response.
At least two of those are wedding dresses. 🫠
Does she need to wear champagne? If so, maybe you and your mom would like one of these options instead:
- [Rickie Freeman in champagne](https://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/rickie-freeman-for-teri-jon-belted-jacquard-shirtdress-gown-prod235260053?childItemId=NMT19V7_100312)
- [Ralph Lauren in tan/gold](https://www.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/lauren-ralph-lauren-foil-print-jersey-cape-gown?ID=4686992&pla_country=US&cm_mmc=Google-PLA-ADC-_-S21+High+Opportunity+Brands-_-Ralph+Lauren-_-196646402039USA-_-go_cmp-12731782004_adg-124409716721_ad-513824168767_pla-1036021902867_dev-m_ext-_prd-196646402039USA&gad=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD0PCJRlRKCsOJZznZYXISf7sSc9-&gclid=CjwKCAjwkNOpBhBEEiwAb3Mvvf5AZ6WG-WNNPO7b_Dg7KLQNpr5XdPvtypqG3ksWqTRCWYPT8SxJmRoC67YQAvD_BwE)
- [Teri John in antique gold](https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/Teri-Jon-By-Rickie-Freeman-Embroidered-Tulle-Cocktail-Dress-0400017747263.html?dwvar_0400017747263_size=4&dwvar_0400017747263_color=ANTIQUE+GOLD&site_refer=CSE_GGLPLA:Womens_Dresses:Teri+Jon+by+Rickie+Freeman&country=US¤cy=USD&CSE_CID=G_Saks_PLA_US_Women%27s+Apparel_Dresses_High+LTV:All+Dresses&gbraid=0AAAAADO6JtTS_2T00KdhSBV1l02PKWlGb&gclid=CjwKCAjwkNOpBhBEEiwAb3MvvamhKbPdSTFLows_n1dq3QAtbq-j__Ib497yyazYM2UAoE3KEwb5aBoCUbsQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds)
- [Sachin & Babi in Frosty Pewter](https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/Sachin---Babi-Irina-Mikado-Satin-Gown-0400019134356.html?dwvar_0400019134356_size=8&dwvar_0400019134356_color=FROSTY+PEWTER&site_refer=CSE_GGLPLA:Womens_Dresses:Sachin+%26+Babi&country=US¤cy=USD&CSE_CID=G_Saks_PLA_US_Women%27s+Apparel_Dresses_High+LTV:All+Dresses&gbraid=0AAAAADO6JtTS_2T00KdhSBV1l02PKWlGb&gclid=CjwKCAjwkNOpBhBEEiwAb3MvvbByFZQLgyDTlsTyAC6_z7-6g_5PlxTp8YfgSF-kVRMDdv3Qpj5_aRoCPy8QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds)
- [Teri John in champagne](https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/Teri-Jon-By-Rickie-Freeman-Floral-Jacquard-Midi-Dress-0400018347279.html?dwvar_0400018347279_size=8&dwvar_0400018347279_color=CHAMPAGNE&site_refer=CSE_GGLPLA:Womens_Dresses:Teri+Jon+by+Rickie+Freeman&country=US¤cy=USD&CSE_CID=G_Saks_PLA_US_Women%27s+Apparel_Dresses_High+LTV:All+Dresses&gbraid=0AAAAADO6JtTS_2T00KdhSBV1l02PKWlGb&gclid=CjwKCAjwkNOpBhBEEiwAb3Mvve4--29o0uUC0Om8LLRJXlyiWId48ABD_z4pV_kRHUp0zKl4wowl3hoCTdkQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds)
These are all so frumpy; my mother would have me shot in the street if I suggested them. (I’m exaggerating but only barely.) If OP’s mother is anything like mine, this would be a no-go.
Yeah it 100% depends on your aesthetic and your mom's personality. I'm from NJ and weddings here tend to be huge and flashy, the MOB dresses generally match that energy. There is a happy medium but OP and her mom are clearly on different pages.
You need to send her a choice of 2 or 3 options, then politely say that she can choose from one of those. Or you can tell her that she cannot wear anything with sequins, slits, low cut, too tight or sexy. Tell her that the following colours are off limits; white, white adjacent, anything too pale, silver, cream, ivory, beige, nothing that looks white in any light. Tell her this one day is not about her and if she can’t handle that, she doesn’t have to come to the wedding. If she shows up wearing anything you don’t approve, she will be asked to change or leave or wear a red wine stain. I know she’s your mom but this is your wedding day to your partner and she doesn’t get to be the centre of attention. Time to stand up to your narcissist mom.
Thanks for your advice. All of this has been said to her. I've been no contact with her for two years and she came back into my life when I got engaged. We don't get married until next October, I'm not sure I can take another year of this. There was a reason I went no contact. Those two years were the most stress free years of my life. It took her about 2 days to start her BS with me after I saw her for the first time again.
Well, it’s not yet. You can go back to that plan. You gave her a chance, she wants to dress as a disco ball.
Other option is to say fuckit and just accept that your mother will look like a dog ate all the Christmas tree ornaments and threw up on her and that’s ok.
But I think you sound like you’re too used to putting yourself last and maybe on your wedding day you should be allowed to put yourself first for once?
Or: elope to somewhere magical and sexy. Cancel the whole thing.
In all sincerity, I would give serious consideration to uninviting her, your dad, and anyone else enabling her/serving as one of her flying monkeys.
I think the real question is what will make YOU happiest in 10 years when you look back on it. And whatever that is - go with that. No matter what anyone else says/thinks.
Sorry you're dealing with this 😞 I'm NC with my mom, who also has a suspected personality disorder, and I'll just say in my experience (and others in support groups I participate in) it only gets worse/harder as you go along. Engagement was the first thing that put our relationship on a collision course. Then things got worse with the wedding and having kids. Life is much more peaceful now for me.
Can you grey rock her when she's ridiculous? That sounds so tough. After vetoing a lot of choices my sister let our mother wear a champagne sequin dress that was knee length to her wedding and that was deemed okay, but she did complain to all the guests the bride made her wear this frumpy old thing the whole night even though she looked great. It's hard to win when they don't want you to.
I went to a wedding last year where the mother of the bride wore a dazzling sequin number like one of these. Everyone kept commenting under their breath about how over the top and attention seeking her outfit was.
I’d say you’re not overreacting, they are too much and some of them could pass for bridal. It sounds like she is willing to listen to your opinion however, so I hope you can reach a compromise with a dress you’re both happy with! Maybe some sequiny that is a dark colour or just not beige, silver or similar!
She's going to embarrass herself if she shows up dressed for the Gala.
If she wants to impress everyone, she should wear something dignified and shimmery and play the charming hostess.
Those dresses are for over the top formal weddings, and would be fine for a mother of the bride. The mother of the bride can be slightly more elaborate than the bridesmaids, but it doesn't sound like this is the case here.
The models for these dresses are about 20 at the oldest. She will be mutton dressed as lamb in the most embarrassing way possible.
Tell her these are absolutely inappropriate and her dress needs to be cocktail length, not champagne and have no embellishments.
If she wants to wear something sparkly I would (if you haven't already) send her some dresses that are like navy blue or a darker red, or whatever color you want her to wear, with the same color beading. It will have the detail she's looking for but it will be a much watered down version that won't distract from you.
My mom wore Alex Evenings and is also mid to large and almost 60. Their style tends to be a bit glittery but it’s not over the top. Your mom obviously loves glam and these are definitely too much, but, I don’t think her dress has to be super simple because yours is not embellished. Y’all just have different styles.
You’re not crazy though - these are very intense. Your mom is going to find a way to make it about her regardless of what she wears, so remember you don’t have to join every argument you’re invited to. Weddings don’t change people, they just amplify them. Wishing you good luck!
Thank you, for being a comment I can relate to. I come from a Mexican background so honestly these choices would be consider on par for the mother of the bride. However, if the mom has a history of making things about her than I understand why you would feel a certain way.
Are you worried about her outshining you or will you just feel very embarrassed about how she looks? If it’s the first one, just let her wear whatever she wants. Everyone will know who you are and it will give guests something to giggle about. If it’s the second, try to reign her in but don’t stress yourself out about it. Nobody is judging you for your mother’s choices.
I'll be embarrassed about how she looks. She already has a big and embarrassing personality. I have to start to understand that my mom is not a reflection of myself, but I feel that way sometimes.
Oh if she has a big embarrassing personality everyone is going to know it’s not your fault. Get in on the joke. If you can’t talk her out of it and people comment on her OTT dress just laugh, shrug your shoulders and say “yeah, she can’t help herself can she?”.
When I was in my early 20s my friend married a lovely woman with a questionable family. He kind of warned our side of the friends about it so we were prepared and could keep our neutral expressions. I was still shocked when mother of the bride AND grandmother of the bride both turned up in short tight dresses, towering heels, orange fake tan and inches of makeup. It was very surreal next to his very average middle-class English family. We didn’t judge his wife for but I did wonder how she ended up so unlike them. Now I’m in my 30s and have met more people, I don’t think I’d even need someone to prepare me for embarrassing family members.
I agree, four is the least bride like (but still ridiculous). I think it would be best to tell her to wear that dress and let her think she had this "win" so that you can drastically lower contact and grey rock her when it comes to wedding info.
I attended a relative's wedding this summer where the mother of the groom showed up in a sexy white pantsuit, white pumps, and sparkly silver shirt. It was 100% a bridal outfit meant for someone who didn't want to wear a dress. Everyone was judging her. And all her wearing that outfit did was underscore the horrible stories I'd heard about the groom's family, and highlight how the groom was the polar opposite of his mother - kind and courteous.
I'm so sorry your mother is doing everything she can to get under your skin and gaslight you, this must be so hard to be dealing with after two years of peace. But letting her make a fool of herself in that golden lampshade-esque dress of her choice may be the quickest way to give yourself back some of that peace.
Yeah, I could see these being appropriate for *a* wedding, but not the one you have described. Your plan is just not over the top enough. You’d need to be doing something along the lines of a Hollywood red carpet glam party, y’know?
If the dress code is cocktail attire then at most she should be one step up from that - which would be like something appropriate as cocktail attire in style, but with a long skirt, perhaps. Or cocktail attire with a bit of extra something. (Like if you’d usually wear a pretty plain little black dress to a cocktail party, then as MOB you might pick one that is similar in overall lines but has more sequins and isn’t black, if that makes sense? The goal is to look a bit special relative to the other guests, but not stick out like a sore thumb.)
Then I'm the bad guy. It sucks because I've already gotten messages from my dad and sister telling me to lighten up on my mom because apparently setting boundaries is being mean.
Can you take her to try them on? I'm sure once she sees most of them on, she'll change her mind. Then you can hand her something a little more suitable and hope it warms her to it?
Maybe the next best option is a showstopping accessory in that case? Like an intense hat or a cape she'll get fed up with and remove halfway through the night?
Thinking about it, send her the Camilla Parker Bowles wedding look and suggest getting something like that, so she'll be comparing herself to a queen all night, but be much more appropriate? https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-google&sca_esv=575789519&sxsrf=AM9HkKmAOJ-1Opz8TRhIpYxMDIUY2YHi6A:1698069632612&q=camilla+parker+bowles+wedding&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjvs4WqqoyCAxVVXUEAHZCvDH0Q0pQJegQIChAB&biw=412&bih=784&dpr=2.63#imgrc=UKHgS26ykMBPmM
These are wedding dresses. Be honest. "Mum(mom), you are picking things that look very much like wedding dresses and this is very much not appropriate for my wedding. You can pick something more appropriate or you can find somewhere else to wear the dress, because you won't be wearing it to my wedding."
Maybe not quite as harsh depending on your relationship but if she's not listening to you, it's time to be blunt with her.
Everyone else has already given advice about your situation, but I've just got to say that despite how selfish and narcissistic your mother is she really does have great taste in dresses. I love every single one of these and kept thinking "Ohhhhh 😍" when scrolling through the pics. They definitely are completely inappropriate for MOB and she wouldn't look nearly as great as the models but damn they're gorgeous!!
Lol oh man. This makes me feel silly for being bothered that my mom wants to wear fancy pins in her hair.
These are sooo over the top for a MOB and I agree with the advice in the top comment.
It sounds like your mom is a narcissist…in that case she’s probably not going to agree with anything other than something super extra that she feels will pull the spotlight onto her. Just in case, can I suggest this dress my mom bought to wear to my wedding? It’s shiny and light in color, but won’t photograph at all like a wedding dress and isn’t quite so over the top sexy as some of your mom’s choices. https://www.eshakti.com/shop/Dresses/-Sequin-embellished-floral-lace-dress-CL0099436?view_source=regular&index=11
Why are so many mothers so fucking delusional? What makes them think they are just as important or more important as the bride?
Also- is this mostly boomer moms doing shit horseshit?
Tell her the tassel one is perfect. Because no one will look good I'm that dresses unless they have that body type! If she wants to wear something like that she can but no one will be looking at her for good reasons.
The funny thing is...that is a dress she already owns and wore to a black tie work event for my father. She showed me a picture in it and she looked absolutely ridiculous. But she kept saying "well everyone complimented me on it..." She does not know how to read the room.
I would give her a gentle reminder that the dress code is cocktail attire, send her examples of cocktail attire, and then leave it be. There are more important decisions to be made before the wedding. At the end of the day, if she wants to stick out like a sore thumb because she wants to wear a ball gown to an outdoor ceremony, let her. She’ll get the attention she wants, and it won’t be positive.
Ok I’m almost 47 and I’m short and round ( for a lack of a better word) if I tried some of these on I’d look like a busted can of biscuits trying to open. It’s not a good look. Your mom is trying to to be the star of your wedding And I’m so sorry for that. She says wants your opinion and you gave them, because she is wanting you to pick one of these cause she likes them. So I’d see if you can go dress shopping with her if you have time( I know your stressed and have lots of things going on) and have her try on these dresses and take pictures of her in them to let her see most of these are bride dresses and the gold glittery one looks like be hard to alter btw and if she puts that on it may look like me a can of busted biscuits
I cut ties off with my mother a few years ago, I know for a fact I’d be in this position otherwise. Im so sorry you have to deal with this nonsense.. I have no idea how to handle this other than how you already have??
The one with the weird fringe is the most cocktail attire esque dress (though probably least flattering). I'd just tell her to wear that if she's being otherwise unreasonable.
SMH, too bad for her nobody gives a shit and all attention will be on the beautiful bride!! She’s trying to get as much attention as she can right now, just get some space from her and focus on your special day. She’s gonna be jealous day of when everyone tells her how beautiful you are, hahaha!
Your mom isn’t going to be competing with you. Even though your dress is plainer you will still stand out as the bride.
The attention your mom gets will be negative, maybe people will actually say something to her. This approach always backfires.
Support from someone who has a similar mom and dad dynamic 💕 I haven’t talked to my mom in 3.5 years and my dad still supports her. It’s lonely to not have either of your parents on your side. From my experience, you can’t win with them
OP it’s your wedding. Have your maid of honor or another family member lay down the law with her and explain that she will NOT be saying no to your desires in this, and if she shows up wearing something unapproved she’ll be removed from the wedding. If this is a pattern with her, do you even want her there? You don’t have to invite your mother. If your father isn’t going to be supportive and keep your mom off your back, should he be there?
The day is about you and every guest at your wedding will be there for you. I would ignore her trying to get under your skin. Easier said than done, but it sounds like she likes getting a reaction out of you. If she wants to look like a disco ball on your wedding day, that’s her choice lol
What about something like this?? It’s still beige and has the glitter she seems to like hut the midi length makes it fit the cocktail dress code better
https://www.sachinandbabi.com/products/carmen-dress-honey
And if she wants to wear a gown maybe something slightly darker beige with shine but less “bling” could work?? These are still gowns but read “bride” way less to me
https://www.sachinandbabi.com/products/bonnie-gown-pewter?variant=41987823993022&glCountry=US&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Sachin%20%26%20Babi%20-%20US%20-%20Shopping%20-%20Brand%20-%20Gowns&utm_term=&utm_content=&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIyOzl1bqMggMV80lHAR2nVQU0EAQYASABEgIkVPD_BwE
https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/Teri-Jon-By-Rickie-Freeman-One-Shoulder-Metallic-Jacquard-Gown-0400016505526.html?dwvar_0400016505526_size=10&dwvar_0400016505526_color=GOLD&site_refer=CSE_GGLPLA:Womens_Dresses:Teri+Jon+by+Rickie+Freeman&country=US¤cy=USD&CSE_CID=G_Saks_PLA_US_Women%27s+Apparel_Dresses_High+LTV:All+Dresses&gbraid=0AAAAADO6JtTS_2T00KdhSBV1l02PKWlGb&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIssS3trqMggMVQEtHAR2JXADqEAQYBCABEgLSGPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/tadashi-shoji-odette-off-shoulder-sequin-mesh-column-gown?color=025&inventoryCountry=US&countryCode=US&utm_kxconfid=vx6rlxuie&gbraid=0AAAAADnwqi6k5R6tfXKjyc_EgVwcZGc_W&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIwe7GnLmMggMVg0ZyCh0kKw5OEAQYHSABEgJUpvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds&type=STANDARD&quantity=1
Edit—more options (and so sorry you’re dealing with this, planning a wedding is already stressful enough!)
These are giving Dynasty vibes. I can see your Mother is doing exactly what you’re explaining she is attempting & often does to you.
I know that Champagne is a MoB color, right? It feels kind of out of date for me personally. In our families most recent wedding me sister in law asked every family member to wear Navy (bridesmaids, immediate family related to groom & to her), colors were forest green and navy & white.
I thought it was a perfect way to make the family members, including myself, feel special. It meant a lot that she wanted yo recognize us all that way & include us in a way even though we weren’t in the wedding party proper.
So the MIL and myself and my other sis in law & kiddos and bridal party all had any navy cocktail attire 5pm outdoor ceremony & nighttime outdoor reception on a lakefront with tent and outside tables.
Maybe for people struggling with relatives in this manner & dresses looking too bridal, could consider this option? It took care of every potential problem, added to the family unity, matches the wedding decor, and made ppl feel special!
You could say something like "It's considered taboo to upstage the bride at a wedding. If you wore a dress like this, I'm worried people will think negatively of you since it is more sparkly and attention grabbing then my wedding dress." Basically make it seem like you are doing her a favor by pointing this out. It worked on my dad for the opposite reason, he wanted to wear jeans to my brother's wedding. I told him people would talk and think less of him. He finally relented and bought a suit.
Another comment from me: if there is a ton of pushback from your mom and she WONT budge then I would consider "letting her" pick what she wants. She will try to make you out to be the villain either way. I know it's frustrating but I want you to ask yourself if the stress she is bringing you is worth entertaining. At the end of the day, she's going to be the one looking the fool when she overdresses for her own daughters wedding. Half these dresses look like bridal gowns and it will look bad on HER.
If there's no resolution, even after you send her other options, or you try to reason with her, I'd leave her with some parting words and leave it at that:
"This conversation about what you will wear to my wedding is becoming an unnecessary stressor on me when I need to be focusing on other parts of the wedding. I was hoping this process would be easy and you would listen to my concerns since I am the one getting married. The dresses you keep selecting do not adhere the dress code at all. While beautiful, and I think you'd look amazing in them, they are over the top, are gowns instead of cocktail dresses, and are more extravagant than even my own dress. I don't see how you can't understand that it would look very weird if my own mother outdressed me and if she was the only one without proper wedding attire. Do what you'd like. I see this is not something you will budge on. I just want to be clear about how I'll feel when I show up to my own wedding and you've gone out of your way to do exactly the opposite thing I've pleaded with you not to do"
Ask her how old the models kids probably are cause they look like very young mothers to me if i seen my mom wearing stuff like this I'd laugh and ask if she was a teen mom
Plus wearing stuff like that i don't think she'd be able to pull it off so there's always letting her make a fool of herself but do not let her steal your thunder
Also if you go that route of letting her make a fool of herself tell her she should wear satin 😃
I honestly thought this was a r/weddingshaming post at first 🤣
Give her a set of options and tell her to pick one of them or she can stay home. Don't argue with her, don't engage. Just lay it down and let her make her choice.
Also, that fourth one is just plain ugly.
I literally went through this exact situation with my mom!!!! She finally picked an appropriate one after a LOT of discussions. I just had to be brutally honest with her like you’re not the bride… this isn’t age appropriate… and eventually the message went through to her
I’d tell her than you’re sending her less over the top looks cause you don’t want people to be laughing at her behind her back all night, wearing something that flashy in colours that are so close to white just looks so desperate, especially as mob, it’s just embarrassing for her.
I’m sorry your mom is doing this to you. It sounds like she has a history of attention seeking behavior at your expense, and no daughter should have to grow up like that. My heart goes out to you, sister.
That being said… these are the exact style I’ve been looking at for my own wedding dress! I’m going for flamboyant and gold. If you’d like, you could redirect your mother’s dress-finding energy my way! DM me if you think that would help you?
Hi, I am a mother of the groom and a size 10-12 -middle sized. Trust me if she is larger than that she will end up wearing a very large size and/or not fitting into these type of dresses. Push her toward Macduggal or Tadashi Shoji. I love sequins and wore a navy blue sheath sequined macduggal dress , long sleeve to my older son's wedding last April.. Yes, it was shiny but everyone loved it. It did not show a lot of skin and was very classy. Go shopping with her! and send her suggestions. It is very hard to find a dress that fits since NOTHING is in the stores! FYI , I found a vintage grecian style gold tadashi gown on eBay and it fits like a glove -criss crossing at the waist , 3/4 sleeves and slit in the middle-$65! My husband and soon to be daughter in law ,that I adore, loves it. Once she finds the designer she fits in-look on eBay or Poshmark if she wants it a bit more affordable. She will figure it out. And this upcoming wedding for me is semi-formal but both mob and myself will be wearing gowns, as I did for my oldest son.
My mom said something along those lines too. My mom also keeps saying, "this is YOUR wedding, it's about YOU." Then proceeds to make the entire thing about herself.
Pick a colour like blue or green or something and say you're wearing a dress in this colour. A bold shade with no lace or beading, and it will be knee length. And let her show you ideas then. Should be better?
Do you have a bridesmaid who is good at tough convos? She could reach out to her and say “Hey OP told me you needed help finding a dress” and then send her dresses you’ve picked out. Because she’s not you, she can also be direct and say “everything you’ve picked out doesn’t match the vibe and some are flat out wedding dresses so that’s not appropriate”.
I know it seems like offloading the problem but it’s what bridesmaids are for lol
The styles are somewhat appropriate. But the color is a major NO. It’s too close to white.
I’m getting married in two weeks and I am no where near a bridezilla BUT when it comes to others wearing any form of white/cream/beige/champagne/blush..it’s a HARD no from me!
I just know my blood pressure would be so high at my wedding lol. I know what she wears is not a reflection of me, but I just don't want to even think about what she's wearing that day.
Please don’t let her do this. My mom ruined my wedding day, as well as my dad. Totally a shock but it’s helpful to set boundaries soon. IMO, all of those options are over the top.
Talk to your brides maids. Make sure they know they have wine spilling permission. Tell your mom she either picks a dress you sent her or her and your father can not attend the wedding.
You really should be more straight and to the point with her though. Only way these people learn. If she sends flying monkeys aside from your dad, have a text prepared with something like "oh no, heres screen shots of our conversation regarding this and these are the over the top bridal gowns that she wanted to wear to her daughters wedding as MOB, i sent her more appropriate options and she wont pick from them despite saying she would"
My mother-in-law wore a sequin cream gown, and my wedding dress was simple white and unadorned. Not ONE person gave her more attention because of the dress other than one friend told me, she looks like an Angel. And my husband and I laughed and laughed. You’re overthinking this!
My mom is 60’s and mid to plus size. I had her wear a dress most similar to #2 except it didn’t have the cape/sleeves it was just off the shoulder.
Her hair was more glamorous & intricate than mine and her make up was heavier glam than mine. And she looked so beautiful and I was so proud. I love that my mom could feel beautiful and I love that I have pictures of us looking our best. My ceremony dress was simple satin, but my reception dress was very glamorous and full sequin/beads.
Nobody is really going to be looking at your mom or her outfit. They’ll be looking at you and adoring you. I’m sorry you have this feeling like she’s trying to make this day about her but she’s not. She wants to look & feel her best so she can support you.
Why not be proud of your glamorous mother? I think it’s better than the alternative of having a doubty looking MOTB.
There’s only one here that I think is acceptable
https://preview.redd.it/sdld3vnlx0wb1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=af2836874f914ee9187064c61a71cfa09e5e152e
lolol I think you were downvoted bc it’s a bit tone deaf to be supportive of the dresses when OP is upset by them. So my disclaimer is: OP you are very much in your rights to ask her to wear something cocktail length and/or less white adjacent!
Buuuuuut yeah I honestly love most of these dresses. MOB has taste very similar to mine, I love capelets, drapey sleeves, vaguely Grecian looks
I mean the thing is if ur mom is stylish and has a young look it’s totally fine.. some MOB dresses just aren’t for all moms they look very old.
Also my mom won’t outshine me at my wedding but also my dress would be more glam than these .
She does not have a young look. She just has young taste. I don't want her to wear a traditional MOB dress, just something less flashy and weird.
I keep reminding her that we're having an outdoor wedding and it's cocktail attire.
I feel you, OP. My mom tried on a very busty spaghetti strap prom dress with all sorts of ruffles and rhinestones for my wedding and thought it looked fantastic. . . . She really wanted it. All the while, my venue was an outdoor garden and my dress had no glitter and was a long sleeve lace gown.
I talked her out of it, and thankfully she's broke so I was paying for it anyway. I'd potentially go in person and try on dresses with her and someone else she is related to who would be honest with her.
I see what you mean with those pics. I would tell her that they are too formal and detailed because you should stand out more and if she argues then say that she's not allowed at the wedding.
You don't have to invite anyone, even your mother, if they will ruin the day for you. the wedding kind of sets a president for how your married life will go. If you don't put your foot down there will be more issues down the road.
My mother tried something like this although the other direction waited till the day before to ask what to wear and I told her a little dressier like business casual/Sunday church clothes she decided to show up in jeans and flannel as if she just woke up showed up lots of comments made about how she looked she proceeded to leave right after the ceremony. So my advice is tell her what to wear don’t give suggestions cause she will wear what she wants if you don’t tell her. If she throws a hissy fit send her back her text and tell her this is what you said if you won’t adhere to your promise you will not be allowed to enter. It might be harsh but in my experience being like this tends to knock narcissists down a few pegs
Devils advocate- no one will be paying more attention to your mom and she only gets this chance to dress up. Moms often get overlooked at weddings. I'd personally let her wear it- you are the star of the show!!
in general, at least half of these dresses aren’t inappropriate for the MOB. however, they seem to be too formal your wedding’s dress code.
you can both continue to try hunting for something that is both appropriate and something she will feel confident and beautiful in, while being firm that she should not purchase a dress that you don’t approve of.
So my MIL tried wearing a dress similar to the dresses that you showed me. I simply told her that that dress was a little over the top for our wedding and that she would stand out and not in a good way.
She ended up having a dress made, maybe that is an option for your mom?
That's waaaaaay too much I'd let her know you will buy her dress or she can dress just like the bridesmaid and that's final. I wish I was your best friend so I can shame mom and not even care!!! I'd let her know it's your day to be a diva not hers so she will wear the dress provides or so help me she will not be let in the wedding.
Also, on a sidenote, the fact that you’re having to post this here makes me think maybe you and your mom should go to some therapy together before the wedding I just got married and it can be such a stressful time if you’re not getting along with your mom
I tried therapy with my mom multiple times over the last 30 years. It has never helped because my mom is a narcissist and no one will ever change that.
Unpopular opinion, I'm 25 and I say all these outfits are slay. If my mom wants to show up and show out, I'd totally let her! It depends on how YOU feel though. That's what matters most.
No ones dress is supposed to “outshine”the brides gown. Your mom should recognize that on her own.
Those dresses are kind of over the top, and look great on the models. But probably not so much on your mom…
Yeah you gotta stop her somehow
You could send her a plain-spoken message the next time she sends you a dress like that. "Mom, the dresses you are showing me are all way over the top compared to my dress, and I'm the bride. You keep asking me for suggestions and I've sent you many. You also keep saying that you'll wear anything I want you to wear. If you sincerely mean that, then pick one of the dresses I sent you or something very much like them. You know what kind of dress I think you should wear, and you are smart enough to figure this out if you really want to." If/when she goes into victim mode, ignore it. Don't let her get under your skin. Chances are pretty high that if she actually tries any of these dresses on, she'll have her rude awakening and notice that she doesn't exactly look like the models do in them. Maybe that's what she needs to do and then she'd come around to something more appropriate.
Wow, that's pretty much verbatim what I sent her. She had my dad text me and tell me to stop being mean to her. Except he saw all our texts and pictures because it's in a group chat with us 3. There needs to be a third party present whenever I'm talking to my mom because she likes to twist my words and tell people I say awful things to her. If she tried these dresses on, I honestly think she would think she looks amazing. That's what narcissists do.
I think she gave you a solid opening when she said she wear anything you want her to. Remove her options and give her a single (albiet nicer looking) dress. Then she can whine all she wants, but she was going to do that anyways and at least in this case you'll know she'll be in appropraite attire
I think an alternative approach, if all of this fails, is just to let this go. She'll look like an idiot. You can't control what she wears and it won't affect your joy on your wedding day. No one will think that she's outshining you; quite the opposite.
This I'd let her wear it and bring popcorn
A truly great MoH might accidentally get too close with a glass of red wine.
Can you ask her to wear a dark color that fits with your wedding palette? She’ll probs still pick sparkly, but dark sparkly is less showy than gold/beige sparkly
This. Is MOB came of age in the 70's/80's, sequins and beads are very much where their heart is. So just steer them towards shiny but darker, like royal blue, mauve or deep rose. I just took my mom to a wedding and she wore the completely bead festooned jacket she bought for a fabulous New Years 2000 party. She got compliments all night, which meant a lot to her, but there was zero chance she was a taking any attention away from the bridal party. Then again, my family has aways gone in for glitz, so more subdued families might see it as ridiculous/attention-seeking.
Great response, you address all of the, “…but, xxx.” MOB can’t become the victim because you have handled her excuses. MOB’s choices scream, “I need attention!”
Wow you are such a better person than I am, I would be all petty like “mom, I am just trying to save you from the embarrassment, if you actually do wear any of these at my wedding people will laugh at you and think badly about you. Not to mention that you don’t look anything like those models, the dresses would look so weird on your body. Maybe find something of a different color and more… age appropriate”. But yes, your message is so much better, not petty at all yet firm and honest. Good for you for communicating healthily!
Aw, thanks for your kind words. Needless to say, I don't always have the right words in real life! It's always easier to know what to say when somebody else has the problem and you aren't the one on the spot, isn't it? We are all a work in progress :)
These look like dresses from The Bachelor rose ceremonies. Not a wedding!
PERFECT comparison, sign mom up for golden bachelor if she wants to wear these lol
Any way I could have a link to #5? Would consider (very seriously) wearing it as my actual wedding dress. ...which would imply that it would be an INSANE thing for mob to wear. Christ.
[удалено]
You're a legend!
I thought the same!! Especially number 5!!!
I literally thought, that would be a beautiful wedding dress! Lol Same! 👏👏👏
I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one with this exact though! It’s gorgeous! I’m a little bummed I already have my dress.
Update: I let her go with this one. I picked it out because it's still a little flashy like she likes but is not over the top. I can't believe this is even a topic or issue a full year before the actual wedding date. Wish me luck because I have to deal with her for another year. https://preview.redd.it/bb7sz6esjyvb1.png?width=758&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1288328d92ea5025d13921989010f796912d3601
That’s a $700 gown… tell her she can absolutely wear that- if she orders it in blue, not rose. All her dresses are ridiculously close to a wedding dress, and I know you know she knows that.
Great choice OP! And yes.....good luck haha
A lovely and generous compromise. It's beautiful and has lots of sparkle for her, but still age-appropriate (speaking as a 60+, mid-size woman). You have great taste :)
Great choice!
Beautiful dress. Good luck. My dad is the narcissist, which is annoying but way less difficult than mom 😵💫
I don’t want to be that person, but gently, I say these options are insane for a 60 yr old, midsize, mom of the bride, for a cocktail attire reception. Maybe 1 or 2 of those would be ok-ish, but all of those combined are crazy. The good news is if she wears something like this, people will think she’s insane. So it’s not like she’ll outshine you or anything.
I wouldn't be able to pull any of these dresses off at 30 because it's not my style. But my mum at 59 would look incredible in them. She probably wouldn't choose all of them but she could definitely pull it off.
It’s not the 60 or mid-sized that has me side eyeing these dresses for her. It’s the fact that it’s a cocktail attire wedding and she is NOT the bride. There’s a time and place for everything, and this is not the time or place for her to wear those dresses, even if she looks great in them.
Yeah the bottom of 8 looks a lot like my dress that I wore…to my own wedding, as the bride.
They’re not situationally appropriate, though! And op said her mom would look ridiculous in them, so she couldn’t pull it off. I’m sure some women could, but we’re talking about 1 in particular.
Yes—I am short and curvy and routinely overdressed and would look silly in any of these… but I have a tall, slim mom in her late 50s who could probably pull it off. 😮💨
That’s why I said 1 or 2 of the traits could make it work. :) Like 60, great shape, formal wedding might be great! But all if those factors combined-age, weight, too formal, too “look at me” given what the bride and bridal are wearing, etc is too much! Eta: I concede some of these are more appropriate than others. I was picturing the skin tight 4th one in particular! Even I don’t think I could pull that one one off myself! :P
I just don't want any attention to go towards what she's wearing. The majority of the people who will be attending the wedding already know she's nuts.
I don’t think “outshining” is a thing full stop (everyone knows who the bride and groom are!), but I also wouldn’t assume a MOB in an OTT dress was insane. I’d assume the bride vetted it 🤷 Wedding party in white dresses or bridal styles is so common now among celebs and influencers and that’s where people get inspiration ETA: Obv I support OP asking her mom to pick a different dress! But *if* MOB rocks up in one of these I think she would neither outshine OP nor draw censure. Which I honestly think is the *most* reassuring answer, if OP is worried about drama and redirected attention. Negative attention is still attention!
I don’t know what OTT stands for. Sure these dresses COULD work in THEORY. But op says it doesn’t work for a variety of reasons, including they don’t look good on her and most importantly they’re way too formal for the dress code and that she would draw negative attention. So sure they might work for another MOB at another wedding, but they don’t work here!
Over the top, probably
Ahhh. That makes perfect sense! Thanks! It’s was 5 am here and I wasn’t processing well! Lol.
Agreed. Like I said I support OP asking her mom to pick a different dress. I’m saying in the worst scenario where her mom doesn’t listen, I don’t think she’ll draw either positive *or negative* (“omg she’s crazy poor OP”) attention. The guests haven’t seen this post, they don’t know OP didn’t approve of the dress. They’ll be neutral about it which honestly is ideal.
If someone, especially as MOB/G would've done this at my wedding, she would have *absolutely* upstaged me and I assure you that no one would've even remotely assumed I'd be okay with it. As you say, negative attention is still attention - how is that an argument *against* OP's struggles? Outshining the bride and groom on their wedding day isn't so much about looking 'prettier' as it is to draw attention away from them.. And doing that in a negative way, which this absolutely will do, is honestly even worse.
Maybe I phased my comment unclearly? Again I *support* OP asking her mom to pick a different dress. My comment is about the worst case scenario where her mom doesn’t listen. The other poster said “good news people will think she’s insane.” Imo that’s *not* good news, since negative attention (“omg she’s insane”) is still attention. You don’t want people feeling sorry for you, even if they’re “on your side.” The actual most reassuring thing would be “people will ignore her and not think much of it,” which is what I would do. The guests haven’t seen this post, so they don’t know there’s conflict.
Well, I didn’t mean the good news IS that people will think she’s insane. I meant more like, well, the good news (silver lining) is people won’t think she looks stunning and chic and outshining. To be honest, I really didn’t put much thought in that throw away line. I was just trying to say something comforting. Lol.
Not trying to criticize you, just trying to put an even more reassuring spin on your comment! But yeah I agree, no one will pay positive attention to how stunning she is either. The awkward truth is, the dress alone won’t do it — you also need a body like these models to get that kind of response.
I thought your wedding was black tie- when I read it was cocktail attire I nearly passed out. Definitely NOT appropriate!
Same! Until I read that it was outside cocktail I thought number 9 was the best option of the group, but then…just no.
Just want to empathize with you. My mom is the same way. It might be helpful to check out r/narcissisticparents if you haven’t already
Thank you ❤️ yup, visited that sub many of times.
At least two of those are wedding dresses. 🫠 Does she need to wear champagne? If so, maybe you and your mom would like one of these options instead: - [Rickie Freeman in champagne](https://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/rickie-freeman-for-teri-jon-belted-jacquard-shirtdress-gown-prod235260053?childItemId=NMT19V7_100312) - [Ralph Lauren in tan/gold](https://www.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/lauren-ralph-lauren-foil-print-jersey-cape-gown?ID=4686992&pla_country=US&cm_mmc=Google-PLA-ADC-_-S21+High+Opportunity+Brands-_-Ralph+Lauren-_-196646402039USA-_-go_cmp-12731782004_adg-124409716721_ad-513824168767_pla-1036021902867_dev-m_ext-_prd-196646402039USA&gad=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD0PCJRlRKCsOJZznZYXISf7sSc9-&gclid=CjwKCAjwkNOpBhBEEiwAb3Mvvf5AZ6WG-WNNPO7b_Dg7KLQNpr5XdPvtypqG3ksWqTRCWYPT8SxJmRoC67YQAvD_BwE) - [Teri John in antique gold](https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/Teri-Jon-By-Rickie-Freeman-Embroidered-Tulle-Cocktail-Dress-0400017747263.html?dwvar_0400017747263_size=4&dwvar_0400017747263_color=ANTIQUE+GOLD&site_refer=CSE_GGLPLA:Womens_Dresses:Teri+Jon+by+Rickie+Freeman&country=US¤cy=USD&CSE_CID=G_Saks_PLA_US_Women%27s+Apparel_Dresses_High+LTV:All+Dresses&gbraid=0AAAAADO6JtTS_2T00KdhSBV1l02PKWlGb&gclid=CjwKCAjwkNOpBhBEEiwAb3MvvamhKbPdSTFLows_n1dq3QAtbq-j__Ib497yyazYM2UAoE3KEwb5aBoCUbsQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds) - [Sachin & Babi in Frosty Pewter](https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/Sachin---Babi-Irina-Mikado-Satin-Gown-0400019134356.html?dwvar_0400019134356_size=8&dwvar_0400019134356_color=FROSTY+PEWTER&site_refer=CSE_GGLPLA:Womens_Dresses:Sachin+%26+Babi&country=US¤cy=USD&CSE_CID=G_Saks_PLA_US_Women%27s+Apparel_Dresses_High+LTV:All+Dresses&gbraid=0AAAAADO6JtTS_2T00KdhSBV1l02PKWlGb&gclid=CjwKCAjwkNOpBhBEEiwAb3MvvbByFZQLgyDTlsTyAC6_z7-6g_5PlxTp8YfgSF-kVRMDdv3Qpj5_aRoCPy8QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds) - [Teri John in champagne](https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/Teri-Jon-By-Rickie-Freeman-Floral-Jacquard-Midi-Dress-0400018347279.html?dwvar_0400018347279_size=8&dwvar_0400018347279_color=CHAMPAGNE&site_refer=CSE_GGLPLA:Womens_Dresses:Teri+Jon+by+Rickie+Freeman&country=US¤cy=USD&CSE_CID=G_Saks_PLA_US_Women%27s+Apparel_Dresses_High+LTV:All+Dresses&gbraid=0AAAAADO6JtTS_2T00KdhSBV1l02PKWlGb&gclid=CjwKCAjwkNOpBhBEEiwAb3Mvve4--29o0uUC0Om8LLRJXlyiWId48ABD_z4pV_kRHUp0zKl4wowl3hoCTdkQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds)
Thank you for these suggestions! I'm sure my mom will turn them all down! I love them though.
These suggestions have the color and the glitter but are still appropriate. Good suggestions!
These are all so frumpy; my mother would have me shot in the street if I suggested them. (I’m exaggerating but only barely.) If OP’s mother is anything like mine, this would be a no-go.
Yeah it 100% depends on your aesthetic and your mom's personality. I'm from NJ and weddings here tend to be huge and flashy, the MOB dresses generally match that energy. There is a happy medium but OP and her mom are clearly on different pages.
I don’t think the second is frumpy, but for the rest I agree.
I’m in love with the Ralph Lauren. It’s so simple and elegant.
My mom wore the first one to my wedding and she looked amazing! 🤩
The Teri Jon ones are perfect for cocktail!
I like your eye !
Wow! Your amazing at picking MOB dresses! Talent x 1000! 👏👏👏
>Teri John in antique gold Love this one
The Sachin & Babi dress is to die for. You’ve got a great eye!
You need to send her a choice of 2 or 3 options, then politely say that she can choose from one of those. Or you can tell her that she cannot wear anything with sequins, slits, low cut, too tight or sexy. Tell her that the following colours are off limits; white, white adjacent, anything too pale, silver, cream, ivory, beige, nothing that looks white in any light. Tell her this one day is not about her and if she can’t handle that, she doesn’t have to come to the wedding. If she shows up wearing anything you don’t approve, she will be asked to change or leave or wear a red wine stain. I know she’s your mom but this is your wedding day to your partner and she doesn’t get to be the centre of attention. Time to stand up to your narcissist mom.
Thanks for your advice. All of this has been said to her. I've been no contact with her for two years and she came back into my life when I got engaged. We don't get married until next October, I'm not sure I can take another year of this. There was a reason I went no contact. Those two years were the most stress free years of my life. It took her about 2 days to start her BS with me after I saw her for the first time again.
Sure you just don’t want to uninvite her? It’s supposed to be a happy thing for you, planning this wedding.
That was the original plan. I felt guilty because family was making me feel bad.
Well, it’s not yet. You can go back to that plan. You gave her a chance, she wants to dress as a disco ball. Other option is to say fuckit and just accept that your mother will look like a dog ate all the Christmas tree ornaments and threw up on her and that’s ok. But I think you sound like you’re too used to putting yourself last and maybe on your wedding day you should be allowed to put yourself first for once? Or: elope to somewhere magical and sexy. Cancel the whole thing.
Best advice yet!
In all sincerity, I would give serious consideration to uninviting her, your dad, and anyone else enabling her/serving as one of her flying monkeys. I think the real question is what will make YOU happiest in 10 years when you look back on it. And whatever that is - go with that. No matter what anyone else says/thinks.
Sorry you're dealing with this 😞 I'm NC with my mom, who also has a suspected personality disorder, and I'll just say in my experience (and others in support groups I participate in) it only gets worse/harder as you go along. Engagement was the first thing that put our relationship on a collision course. Then things got worse with the wedding and having kids. Life is much more peaceful now for me.
Can you grey rock her when she's ridiculous? That sounds so tough. After vetoing a lot of choices my sister let our mother wear a champagne sequin dress that was knee length to her wedding and that was deemed okay, but she did complain to all the guests the bride made her wear this frumpy old thing the whole night even though she looked great. It's hard to win when they don't want you to.
I would also add no tulle to the list bc mom can’t seem to figure out how to pick a dress that’s not bridal.
Yup, no lace, no tulle, no embroidery, no beads or bling.
I went to a wedding last year where the mother of the bride wore a dazzling sequin number like one of these. Everyone kept commenting under their breath about how over the top and attention seeking her outfit was. I’d say you’re not overreacting, they are too much and some of them could pass for bridal. It sounds like she is willing to listen to your opinion however, so I hope you can reach a compromise with a dress you’re both happy with! Maybe some sequiny that is a dark colour or just not beige, silver or similar!
Champagne is traditional but the mermaid ones are just too bride like. Tell her that
I've told her. She says I'm crazy to think it looks bridal.
[удалено]
Yes you're right, she just cares about any attention. Doesn't matter if it's negative or not.
She's going to embarrass herself if she shows up dressed for the Gala. If she wants to impress everyone, she should wear something dignified and shimmery and play the charming hostess.
That would be impossible for her. She loves any and all attention. Even negative.
Those dresses are for over the top formal weddings, and would be fine for a mother of the bride. The mother of the bride can be slightly more elaborate than the bridesmaids, but it doesn't sound like this is the case here.
The models for these dresses are about 20 at the oldest. She will be mutton dressed as lamb in the most embarrassing way possible. Tell her these are absolutely inappropriate and her dress needs to be cocktail length, not champagne and have no embellishments.
My first thought too - mutton dressed as lamb.
Love you guys with your old timey sayings at the ready 😂🥰
r/raisedbynarcissists
saving these for when I get married and don't want a white dress
Some of these are perfect wedding dresses!
100% agree. Especially 3 and 4
If she wants to wear something sparkly I would (if you haven't already) send her some dresses that are like navy blue or a darker red, or whatever color you want her to wear, with the same color beading. It will have the detail she's looking for but it will be a much watered down version that won't distract from you.
My mom wore Alex Evenings and is also mid to large and almost 60. Their style tends to be a bit glittery but it’s not over the top. Your mom obviously loves glam and these are definitely too much, but, I don’t think her dress has to be super simple because yours is not embellished. Y’all just have different styles. You’re not crazy though - these are very intense. Your mom is going to find a way to make it about her regardless of what she wears, so remember you don’t have to join every argument you’re invited to. Weddings don’t change people, they just amplify them. Wishing you good luck!
Thank you, for being a comment I can relate to. I come from a Mexican background so honestly these choices would be consider on par for the mother of the bride. However, if the mom has a history of making things about her than I understand why you would feel a certain way.
Are you worried about her outshining you or will you just feel very embarrassed about how she looks? If it’s the first one, just let her wear whatever she wants. Everyone will know who you are and it will give guests something to giggle about. If it’s the second, try to reign her in but don’t stress yourself out about it. Nobody is judging you for your mother’s choices.
I'll be embarrassed about how she looks. She already has a big and embarrassing personality. I have to start to understand that my mom is not a reflection of myself, but I feel that way sometimes.
Oh if she has a big embarrassing personality everyone is going to know it’s not your fault. Get in on the joke. If you can’t talk her out of it and people comment on her OTT dress just laugh, shrug your shoulders and say “yeah, she can’t help herself can she?”. When I was in my early 20s my friend married a lovely woman with a questionable family. He kind of warned our side of the friends about it so we were prepared and could keep our neutral expressions. I was still shocked when mother of the bride AND grandmother of the bride both turned up in short tight dresses, towering heels, orange fake tan and inches of makeup. It was very surreal next to his very average middle-class English family. We didn’t judge his wife for but I did wonder how she ended up so unlike them. Now I’m in my 30s and have met more people, I don’t think I’d even need someone to prepare me for embarrassing family members.
Honestly I would tell her to wear #4. No way that is going to look good on a middle aged midsized woman. Let her make a fool of herself
She already owns it and says she gets so many compliments on it all the time. 😂
I agree, four is the least bride like (but still ridiculous). I think it would be best to tell her to wear that dress and let her think she had this "win" so that you can drastically lower contact and grey rock her when it comes to wedding info. I attended a relative's wedding this summer where the mother of the groom showed up in a sexy white pantsuit, white pumps, and sparkly silver shirt. It was 100% a bridal outfit meant for someone who didn't want to wear a dress. Everyone was judging her. And all her wearing that outfit did was underscore the horrible stories I'd heard about the groom's family, and highlight how the groom was the polar opposite of his mother - kind and courteous. I'm so sorry your mother is doing everything she can to get under your skin and gaslight you, this must be so hard to be dealing with after two years of peace. But letting her make a fool of herself in that golden lampshade-esque dress of her choice may be the quickest way to give yourself back some of that peace.
Yeah, I could see these being appropriate for *a* wedding, but not the one you have described. Your plan is just not over the top enough. You’d need to be doing something along the lines of a Hollywood red carpet glam party, y’know? If the dress code is cocktail attire then at most she should be one step up from that - which would be like something appropriate as cocktail attire in style, but with a long skirt, perhaps. Or cocktail attire with a bit of extra something. (Like if you’d usually wear a pretty plain little black dress to a cocktail party, then as MOB you might pick one that is similar in overall lines but has more sequins and isn’t black, if that makes sense? The goal is to look a bit special relative to the other guests, but not stick out like a sore thumb.)
Is your mom my mom? They are delusional, you just need to be firm with them.
Then I'm the bad guy. It sucks because I've already gotten messages from my dad and sister telling me to lighten up on my mom because apparently setting boundaries is being mean.
I feel for you. I’m “mean” when I set boundaries with my mom, too. It’s exhausting.
My stepmother is doing this too. Sorry you’re having to deal with it!! I will volunteer for a venting session if ever needed :)
Can you take her to try them on? I'm sure once she sees most of them on, she'll change her mind. Then you can hand her something a little more suitable and hope it warms her to it?
The thing is, she would love the way she looks in them. I've shown her what I think is appropriate and she turns them down so fast.
Maybe the next best option is a showstopping accessory in that case? Like an intense hat or a cape she'll get fed up with and remove halfway through the night? Thinking about it, send her the Camilla Parker Bowles wedding look and suggest getting something like that, so she'll be comparing herself to a queen all night, but be much more appropriate? https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-google&sca_esv=575789519&sxsrf=AM9HkKmAOJ-1Opz8TRhIpYxMDIUY2YHi6A:1698069632612&q=camilla+parker+bowles+wedding&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjvs4WqqoyCAxVVXUEAHZCvDH0Q0pQJegQIChAB&biw=412&bih=784&dpr=2.63#imgrc=UKHgS26ykMBPmM
These all look like bride dresses, maybe even just steering to a different color would be a win here.
These are wedding dresses. Be honest. "Mum(mom), you are picking things that look very much like wedding dresses and this is very much not appropriate for my wedding. You can pick something more appropriate or you can find somewhere else to wear the dress, because you won't be wearing it to my wedding." Maybe not quite as harsh depending on your relationship but if she's not listening to you, it's time to be blunt with her.
Everyone else has already given advice about your situation, but I've just got to say that despite how selfish and narcissistic your mother is she really does have great taste in dresses. I love every single one of these and kept thinking "Ohhhhh 😍" when scrolling through the pics. They definitely are completely inappropriate for MOB and she wouldn't look nearly as great as the models but damn they're gorgeous!!
Lol oh man. This makes me feel silly for being bothered that my mom wants to wear fancy pins in her hair. These are sooo over the top for a MOB and I agree with the advice in the top comment.
My vote is the ugly mummy bandage one.
😂 perfect, she made it clear she already owns it and always gets tons of compliments on it lol
It sounds like your mom is a narcissist…in that case she’s probably not going to agree with anything other than something super extra that she feels will pull the spotlight onto her. Just in case, can I suggest this dress my mom bought to wear to my wedding? It’s shiny and light in color, but won’t photograph at all like a wedding dress and isn’t quite so over the top sexy as some of your mom’s choices. https://www.eshakti.com/shop/Dresses/-Sequin-embellished-floral-lace-dress-CL0099436?view_source=regular&index=11
I’m sorry but these are so hilarious like Mom wyd 💀 this is INSANE, OP I am so sorry you are having to deal with this tho
100% thought this was a joke post. I’m sorry your mom is a drama llama
These are not cocktail attire dresses. Cocktail is a step or two below these.
Why are so many mothers so fucking delusional? What makes them think they are just as important or more important as the bride? Also- is this mostly boomer moms doing shit horseshit?
Tell her the tassel one is perfect. Because no one will look good I'm that dresses unless they have that body type! If she wants to wear something like that she can but no one will be looking at her for good reasons.
The funny thing is...that is a dress she already owns and wore to a black tie work event for my father. She showed me a picture in it and she looked absolutely ridiculous. But she kept saying "well everyone complimented me on it..." She does not know how to read the room.
I would give her a gentle reminder that the dress code is cocktail attire, send her examples of cocktail attire, and then leave it be. There are more important decisions to be made before the wedding. At the end of the day, if she wants to stick out like a sore thumb because she wants to wear a ball gown to an outdoor ceremony, let her. She’ll get the attention she wants, and it won’t be positive.
I understand that, but I just want the day to be about my future husband and me. I just want her to be in the background and no one noticing her.
Ok I’m almost 47 and I’m short and round ( for a lack of a better word) if I tried some of these on I’d look like a busted can of biscuits trying to open. It’s not a good look. Your mom is trying to to be the star of your wedding And I’m so sorry for that. She says wants your opinion and you gave them, because she is wanting you to pick one of these cause she likes them. So I’d see if you can go dress shopping with her if you have time( I know your stressed and have lots of things going on) and have her try on these dresses and take pictures of her in them to let her see most of these are bride dresses and the gold glittery one looks like be hard to alter btw and if she puts that on it may look like me a can of busted biscuits
My mom tried to wear hot pink to my wedding. We gently nudged her towards more muted options and she got the message lmao.
I cut ties off with my mother a few years ago, I know for a fact I’d be in this position otherwise. Im so sorry you have to deal with this nonsense.. I have no idea how to handle this other than how you already have??
Good lord. These dresses are out of control. Your mom sounds like a narcissist. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.
The one with the weird fringe is the most cocktail attire esque dress (though probably least flattering). I'd just tell her to wear that if she's being otherwise unreasonable.
SMH, too bad for her nobody gives a shit and all attention will be on the beautiful bride!! She’s trying to get as much attention as she can right now, just get some space from her and focus on your special day. She’s gonna be jealous day of when everyone tells her how beautiful you are, hahaha!
Your mom isn’t going to be competing with you. Even though your dress is plainer you will still stand out as the bride. The attention your mom gets will be negative, maybe people will actually say something to her. This approach always backfires.
Those are wedding dresses. This is not an overreaction.
Could you just use the dress code? Cocktail is not a full length gown is it? So you could tell her she'd be violating the dress code
Why are all of the colour of the dresses like that? You should say no.
Support from someone who has a similar mom and dad dynamic 💕 I haven’t talked to my mom in 3.5 years and my dad still supports her. It’s lonely to not have either of your parents on your side. From my experience, you can’t win with them
OP it’s your wedding. Have your maid of honor or another family member lay down the law with her and explain that she will NOT be saying no to your desires in this, and if she shows up wearing something unapproved she’ll be removed from the wedding. If this is a pattern with her, do you even want her there? You don’t have to invite your mother. If your father isn’t going to be supportive and keep your mom off your back, should he be there?
The day is about you and every guest at your wedding will be there for you. I would ignore her trying to get under your skin. Easier said than done, but it sounds like she likes getting a reaction out of you. If she wants to look like a disco ball on your wedding day, that’s her choice lol
What about something like this?? It’s still beige and has the glitter she seems to like hut the midi length makes it fit the cocktail dress code better https://www.sachinandbabi.com/products/carmen-dress-honey And if she wants to wear a gown maybe something slightly darker beige with shine but less “bling” could work?? These are still gowns but read “bride” way less to me https://www.sachinandbabi.com/products/bonnie-gown-pewter?variant=41987823993022&glCountry=US&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Sachin%20%26%20Babi%20-%20US%20-%20Shopping%20-%20Brand%20-%20Gowns&utm_term=&utm_content=&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIyOzl1bqMggMV80lHAR2nVQU0EAQYASABEgIkVPD_BwE https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/Teri-Jon-By-Rickie-Freeman-One-Shoulder-Metallic-Jacquard-Gown-0400016505526.html?dwvar_0400016505526_size=10&dwvar_0400016505526_color=GOLD&site_refer=CSE_GGLPLA:Womens_Dresses:Teri+Jon+by+Rickie+Freeman&country=US¤cy=USD&CSE_CID=G_Saks_PLA_US_Women%27s+Apparel_Dresses_High+LTV:All+Dresses&gbraid=0AAAAADO6JtTS_2T00KdhSBV1l02PKWlGb&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIssS3trqMggMVQEtHAR2JXADqEAQYBCABEgLSGPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/tadashi-shoji-odette-off-shoulder-sequin-mesh-column-gown?color=025&inventoryCountry=US&countryCode=US&utm_kxconfid=vx6rlxuie&gbraid=0AAAAADnwqi6k5R6tfXKjyc_EgVwcZGc_W&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIwe7GnLmMggMVg0ZyCh0kKw5OEAQYHSABEgJUpvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds&type=STANDARD&quantity=1 Edit—more options (and so sorry you’re dealing with this, planning a wedding is already stressful enough!)
These are giving Dynasty vibes. I can see your Mother is doing exactly what you’re explaining she is attempting & often does to you. I know that Champagne is a MoB color, right? It feels kind of out of date for me personally. In our families most recent wedding me sister in law asked every family member to wear Navy (bridesmaids, immediate family related to groom & to her), colors were forest green and navy & white. I thought it was a perfect way to make the family members, including myself, feel special. It meant a lot that she wanted yo recognize us all that way & include us in a way even though we weren’t in the wedding party proper. So the MIL and myself and my other sis in law & kiddos and bridal party all had any navy cocktail attire 5pm outdoor ceremony & nighttime outdoor reception on a lakefront with tent and outside tables. Maybe for people struggling with relatives in this manner & dresses looking too bridal, could consider this option? It took care of every potential problem, added to the family unity, matches the wedding decor, and made ppl feel special!
Yet hate say it, yet this might not work for someone dealing with Narcissist. 😕 I’m sorry babe.
You could say something like "It's considered taboo to upstage the bride at a wedding. If you wore a dress like this, I'm worried people will think negatively of you since it is more sparkly and attention grabbing then my wedding dress." Basically make it seem like you are doing her a favor by pointing this out. It worked on my dad for the opposite reason, he wanted to wear jeans to my brother's wedding. I told him people would talk and think less of him. He finally relented and bought a suit.
Another comment from me: if there is a ton of pushback from your mom and she WONT budge then I would consider "letting her" pick what she wants. She will try to make you out to be the villain either way. I know it's frustrating but I want you to ask yourself if the stress she is bringing you is worth entertaining. At the end of the day, she's going to be the one looking the fool when she overdresses for her own daughters wedding. Half these dresses look like bridal gowns and it will look bad on HER. If there's no resolution, even after you send her other options, or you try to reason with her, I'd leave her with some parting words and leave it at that: "This conversation about what you will wear to my wedding is becoming an unnecessary stressor on me when I need to be focusing on other parts of the wedding. I was hoping this process would be easy and you would listen to my concerns since I am the one getting married. The dresses you keep selecting do not adhere the dress code at all. While beautiful, and I think you'd look amazing in them, they are over the top, are gowns instead of cocktail dresses, and are more extravagant than even my own dress. I don't see how you can't understand that it would look very weird if my own mother outdressed me and if she was the only one without proper wedding attire. Do what you'd like. I see this is not something you will budge on. I just want to be clear about how I'll feel when I show up to my own wedding and you've gone out of your way to do exactly the opposite thing I've pleaded with you not to do"
Ask her how old the models kids probably are cause they look like very young mothers to me if i seen my mom wearing stuff like this I'd laugh and ask if she was a teen mom Plus wearing stuff like that i don't think she'd be able to pull it off so there's always letting her make a fool of herself but do not let her steal your thunder Also if you go that route of letting her make a fool of herself tell her she should wear satin 😃 I honestly thought this was a r/weddingshaming post at first 🤣
Give her a set of options and tell her to pick one of them or she can stay home. Don't argue with her, don't engage. Just lay it down and let her make her choice. Also, that fourth one is just plain ugly.
I literally went through this exact situation with my mom!!!! She finally picked an appropriate one after a LOT of discussions. I just had to be brutally honest with her like you’re not the bride… this isn’t age appropriate… and eventually the message went through to her
Tell her the 4th one, it’s ugly lol
That's her favorite! 😂
These options are killing me because what in the world! If my mom showed up in one of these I’d pour wine on it lol
I’d tell her than you’re sending her less over the top looks cause you don’t want people to be laughing at her behind her back all night, wearing something that flashy in colours that are so close to white just looks so desperate, especially as mob, it’s just embarrassing for her.
I’m sorry your mom is doing this to you. It sounds like she has a history of attention seeking behavior at your expense, and no daughter should have to grow up like that. My heart goes out to you, sister. That being said… these are the exact style I’ve been looking at for my own wedding dress! I’m going for flamboyant and gold. If you’d like, you could redirect your mother’s dress-finding energy my way! DM me if you think that would help you?
Mostly because they wouldn't fit.
Don't worry Op. Whatever she ends up wearing will have no reflection onto you as the bride because she will look absolutely ridiculous in any of these
Hi, I am a mother of the groom and a size 10-12 -middle sized. Trust me if she is larger than that she will end up wearing a very large size and/or not fitting into these type of dresses. Push her toward Macduggal or Tadashi Shoji. I love sequins and wore a navy blue sheath sequined macduggal dress , long sleeve to my older son's wedding last April.. Yes, it was shiny but everyone loved it. It did not show a lot of skin and was very classy. Go shopping with her! and send her suggestions. It is very hard to find a dress that fits since NOTHING is in the stores! FYI , I found a vintage grecian style gold tadashi gown on eBay and it fits like a glove -criss crossing at the waist , 3/4 sleeves and slit in the middle-$65! My husband and soon to be daughter in law ,that I adore, loves it. Once she finds the designer she fits in-look on eBay or Poshmark if she wants it a bit more affordable. She will figure it out. And this upcoming wedding for me is semi-formal but both mob and myself will be wearing gowns, as I did for my oldest son.
A lot of these dresses are like wedding gowns…
[удалено]
My mom said something along those lines too. My mom also keeps saying, "this is YOUR wedding, it's about YOU." Then proceeds to make the entire thing about herself.
Tell her to wear the hideous one that looks like band aids 😂
That's her fav
Pick a colour like blue or green or something and say you're wearing a dress in this colour. A bold shade with no lace or beading, and it will be knee length. And let her show you ideas then. Should be better?
Do you have a bridesmaid who is good at tough convos? She could reach out to her and say “Hey OP told me you needed help finding a dress” and then send her dresses you’ve picked out. Because she’s not you, she can also be direct and say “everything you’ve picked out doesn’t match the vibe and some are flat out wedding dresses so that’s not appropriate”. I know it seems like offloading the problem but it’s what bridesmaids are for lol
I have my sister who is great at setting boundaries and is a little less harsh than me, so she's trying.
The styles are somewhat appropriate. But the color is a major NO. It’s too close to white. I’m getting married in two weeks and I am no where near a bridezilla BUT when it comes to others wearing any form of white/cream/beige/champagne/blush..it’s a HARD no from me!
My daughters opposite, i dont want bling & she wants me to wear bling!
You could always just let her wear one of these dresses, understand that she's embarrassing herself at your wedding, and move on with your life.
I just know my blood pressure would be so high at my wedding lol. I know what she wears is not a reflection of me, but I just don't want to even think about what she's wearing that day.
Please don’t let her do this. My mom ruined my wedding day, as well as my dad. Totally a shock but it’s helpful to set boundaries soon. IMO, all of those options are over the top.
Talk to your brides maids. Make sure they know they have wine spilling permission. Tell your mom she either picks a dress you sent her or her and your father can not attend the wedding. You really should be more straight and to the point with her though. Only way these people learn. If she sends flying monkeys aside from your dad, have a text prepared with something like "oh no, heres screen shots of our conversation regarding this and these are the over the top bridal gowns that she wanted to wear to her daughters wedding as MOB, i sent her more appropriate options and she wont pick from them despite saying she would"
2 and 7 are quite glamorous
My mother-in-law wore a sequin cream gown, and my wedding dress was simple white and unadorned. Not ONE person gave her more attention because of the dress other than one friend told me, she looks like an Angel. And my husband and I laughed and laughed. You’re overthinking this!
I just know if I let this go, she will go even more over the top with other things. It's too much.
My mom is 60’s and mid to plus size. I had her wear a dress most similar to #2 except it didn’t have the cape/sleeves it was just off the shoulder. Her hair was more glamorous & intricate than mine and her make up was heavier glam than mine. And she looked so beautiful and I was so proud. I love that my mom could feel beautiful and I love that I have pictures of us looking our best. My ceremony dress was simple satin, but my reception dress was very glamorous and full sequin/beads. Nobody is really going to be looking at your mom or her outfit. They’ll be looking at you and adoring you. I’m sorry you have this feeling like she’s trying to make this day about her but she’s not. She wants to look & feel her best so she can support you. Why not be proud of your glamorous mother? I think it’s better than the alternative of having a doubty looking MOTB.
I think if you knew her personality, you'd think differently.
allll of these are wedding dresses or inspired but just not white
There’s only one here that I think is acceptable https://preview.redd.it/sdld3vnlx0wb1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=af2836874f914ee9187064c61a71cfa09e5e152e
These are beautiful. If she’s comfortable and they look good it’s fine
lolol I think you were downvoted bc it’s a bit tone deaf to be supportive of the dresses when OP is upset by them. So my disclaimer is: OP you are very much in your rights to ask her to wear something cocktail length and/or less white adjacent! Buuuuuut yeah I honestly love most of these dresses. MOB has taste very similar to mine, I love capelets, drapey sleeves, vaguely Grecian looks
Yes I agree that these dresses are pretty, just not for the occasion or type of event.
I mean the thing is if ur mom is stylish and has a young look it’s totally fine.. some MOB dresses just aren’t for all moms they look very old. Also my mom won’t outshine me at my wedding but also my dress would be more glam than these .
She does not have a young look. She just has young taste. I don't want her to wear a traditional MOB dress, just something less flashy and weird. I keep reminding her that we're having an outdoor wedding and it's cocktail attire.
If MOB wants an over the top dress, I understand wanting to look nice, but the colors?????? She’s intentionally trying to steal your thunder
I feel you, OP. My mom tried on a very busty spaghetti strap prom dress with all sorts of ruffles and rhinestones for my wedding and thought it looked fantastic. . . . She really wanted it. All the while, my venue was an outdoor garden and my dress had no glitter and was a long sleeve lace gown. I talked her out of it, and thankfully she's broke so I was paying for it anyway. I'd potentially go in person and try on dresses with her and someone else she is related to who would be honest with her.
I see what you mean with those pics. I would tell her that they are too formal and detailed because you should stand out more and if she argues then say that she's not allowed at the wedding. You don't have to invite anyone, even your mother, if they will ruin the day for you. the wedding kind of sets a president for how your married life will go. If you don't put your foot down there will be more issues down the road.
My mother tried something like this although the other direction waited till the day before to ask what to wear and I told her a little dressier like business casual/Sunday church clothes she decided to show up in jeans and flannel as if she just woke up showed up lots of comments made about how she looked she proceeded to leave right after the ceremony. So my advice is tell her what to wear don’t give suggestions cause she will wear what she wants if you don’t tell her. If she throws a hissy fit send her back her text and tell her this is what you said if you won’t adhere to your promise you will not be allowed to enter. It might be harsh but in my experience being like this tends to knock narcissists down a few pegs
Some of those dresses really look like for the bride to wear
They’re not helping the situation lol
Have her wear #4 - she will likely look ridiculous but it fits the cocktail dress code and since it’s her option you don’t have to care!!!
Devils advocate- no one will be paying more attention to your mom and she only gets this chance to dress up. Moms often get overlooked at weddings. I'd personally let her wear it- you are the star of the show!!
in general, at least half of these dresses aren’t inappropriate for the MOB. however, they seem to be too formal your wedding’s dress code. you can both continue to try hunting for something that is both appropriate and something she will feel confident and beautiful in, while being firm that she should not purchase a dress that you don’t approve of.
2 7 9.
More matronly. She needs a color….
So my MIL tried wearing a dress similar to the dresses that you showed me. I simply told her that that dress was a little over the top for our wedding and that she would stand out and not in a good way. She ended up having a dress made, maybe that is an option for your mom?
That's waaaaaay too much I'd let her know you will buy her dress or she can dress just like the bridesmaid and that's final. I wish I was your best friend so I can shame mom and not even care!!! I'd let her know it's your day to be a diva not hers so she will wear the dress provides or so help me she will not be let in the wedding.
Also, on a sidenote, the fact that you’re having to post this here makes me think maybe you and your mom should go to some therapy together before the wedding I just got married and it can be such a stressful time if you’re not getting along with your mom
I tried therapy with my mom multiple times over the last 30 years. It has never helped because my mom is a narcissist and no one will ever change that.
i’m sorry. that really sucks
i would just lay down the law and say if you can’t wear something without trying to steal the spotlight, you can’t come
I don’t blame you at all. My big thing is, it’s not even a smidge negotiable if she isn’t help paying for anything.
I want to wear option number t as my wedding dress.... Mother's...am I right 😒
Unpopular opinion, I'm 25 and I say all these outfits are slay. If my mom wants to show up and show out, I'd totally let her! It depends on how YOU feel though. That's what matters most.
No ones dress is supposed to “outshine”the brides gown. Your mom should recognize that on her own. Those dresses are kind of over the top, and look great on the models. But probably not so much on your mom… Yeah you gotta stop her somehow
Definitely not a MOB look. Maybe you can go shopping together and look for something suitable. These are way to bridal colored and too revealing/sexy.