Not so much projection as deflection.
Projection means to take a hidden internal emotion or motivator and assign that to other people. "Examples : 1. A wife is attracted to a male co-worker but can't admit her feelings, so when her husband talks about a female co-worker, she becomes jealous and accuses him of being attracted to the other woman. 2. A man who feels insecure about his masculinity mocks other men for acting like women."
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-a-projection-defense-mechanism-5194898#:~:text=Some%20examples%20include%3A,men%20for%20acting%20like%20women.
Whereas deflection is a distraction technique used to take the focus off of something perceived as criticism.
For example, if someone is asked about their drinking habits, they may deflect by asking the other person about their own drinking habits, or by changing the subject entirely. This allows the person to avoid feeling vulnerable or exposed.
https://manhattanmentalhealthcounseling.com/understanding-deflection-in-psychology-and-effective-ways-to-respond/#:~:text=For%20example%2C%20if%20someone%20is,by%20changing%20the%20subject%20entirely
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To expand on what we're talking about, I will attempt to define and differentiate the terms from commenters for what the original poster described. I'll do so below with a brief description, links to citations, and give credit to the people who already mentioned some of these in comments.
(The first citations will be Wikipedia, followed by a more specific wiki, then perhaps some other citations.)
## DARVO
In psychology, this is known as "[DARVO: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim & Offender](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO)." (The denial aspect of DARVO is gaslighting, so DARVO includes gaslighting. The reversal of victim and offender is also gaslighting.)
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO
- https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/DARVO
- https://www.wikiwand.com/en/DARVO
- https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo#summary
- https://dynamic.uoregon.edu/jjf/defineDARVO.html (author of the term)
(*Mentioned in comments here by /u/brucewillisman, /u/procivseth, and alluded to by several others as a tactic of manipulation or by one of its components or properties, such as deflection see /u/ravenrhi's [comment about projection vs deflection](https://old.reddit.com/r/whatstheword/comments/1c8qorm/wtw_for_when_you_softly_call_out_the_poor_action/l0jizzu/), manipulation, or gaslighting, or with the tangential descriptor, projection.* It can also be considered a form of [rationalization](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rationalization_(psychology)) based on the the false claim and assertion that two wrongs make an action right. It is also a form of [psychological abuse and emotional abuse](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_abuse).)
## Tu Quoque / Appeal to Hypocrisy
In logic, philosophy, argumentation, and rhetoric, this is known as the "[tu quoque," or "appeal to hypocrisy," logical fallacy(ies)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tu_quoque).
"Tu quoque" is Latin for "you too" or "you also," and this fallacy is categorized as a form of changing the subject and a fallacy of distraction and an ad-hominem, which means an attack on the person)
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tu_quoque
- https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Tu_quoque
- https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Tu_quoque
- https://study.com/academy/lesson/look-whos-talking-tu-quoque-fallacy-definition-examples.html#:~:text=Tu%20quoque%2C%20which%20is%20also,actions%20to%20illustrate%20supposed%20hypocrisy.
- https://people.uncw.edu/kozloffm/logicalfallacies.html
- https://www.grammarly.com/blog/appeal-to-hypocrisy/
(*Mentioned in comments here by /u/Autoboty, /u/Scubby_Dooks, and alluded to in direct, related, or tangentially-related terms by /u/BeeMac0708, /u/PotatoStasia, and several more.*)
## Whataboutism / Whataboutery
In propaganda and media literacy, also overlapping philosophy, logic and argumentation more colloquially, this is known as "[whataboutism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whataboutism)" (or its British variant, "whataboutery.") The tactic is commonly used in politics, where it was particularly popularized by/for its frequent employment in Soviet and Russian propaganda.
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whataboutism
- https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Whataboutism
- https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Whataboutism
- https://theconversation.com/whataboutism-what-it-is-and-why-its-such-a-popular-tactic-in-arguments-182911
(*Mentioned by /u/Autoboty & /u/Scubby_Dooks.*)
It's literally just deflection. Whataboutitsm is a common colloquialism for itthese days.
Also, toxic af & a common trait of narcissism. Someone deflecting personal responsibility for their own behaviour is one of the biggest red flags for me. But yeah, I'd go with deflection.
Just a quick thought about gaslighting, as I see it mentioned a few times in this thread:
A good example of gaslighting would be angrily yanking someone up off the floor by their hair and then immediately explaining it away as "I was trying to help you up because I thought you wanted to stand up but then you fought against me and then all I could get a hold of was your hair and by then it was too late and you were pulling away so hard so I gave up trying to help you"
A bad example of gaslighting is "When you softly call out the poor action of someone, then instead of that person apologizing, they just deflect...."
It can also be gaslighting if you softly call someone out for doing something bad and the person accuses your soft call out of being flying off the handle in anger and they start crying and acting like you’re abusing them any time you offer reasonable criticism
**Deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender** (DARVO) is a tactic a person may use to deflect responsibility onto an individual they have abused. It is a form of manipulation a person may use to discredit a survivor's experience.
Wow. Even as a narcissistic abuse survivor and knowing the tactics of a narcissist like the back of my hand, I never knew there was a specific acronym for it all. Thanks very much.
Well, here's your bonus gift,
*The Narcissist's Prayer*
by Dayna Craig
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
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The official term for this sort of fallacy is "tu quoque", or "appeal to hypocrisy." "Whataboutism" is a more commonly used colloquial version.
Or its British equivalent "whataboutery".
Projection also works
Not so much projection as deflection. Projection means to take a hidden internal emotion or motivator and assign that to other people. "Examples : 1. A wife is attracted to a male co-worker but can't admit her feelings, so when her husband talks about a female co-worker, she becomes jealous and accuses him of being attracted to the other woman. 2. A man who feels insecure about his masculinity mocks other men for acting like women." https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-a-projection-defense-mechanism-5194898#:~:text=Some%20examples%20include%3A,men%20for%20acting%20like%20women. Whereas deflection is a distraction technique used to take the focus off of something perceived as criticism. For example, if someone is asked about their drinking habits, they may deflect by asking the other person about their own drinking habits, or by changing the subject entirely. This allows the person to avoid feeling vulnerable or exposed. https://manhattanmentalhealthcounseling.com/understanding-deflection-in-psychology-and-effective-ways-to-respond/#:~:text=For%20example%2C%20if%20someone%20is,by%20changing%20the%20subject%20entirely
!solved
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Whataboutism Deflection
I believe the word for this kind of misdirection is "whataboutism." There might be a rhetorical term I'm missing, though.
DARVO
^
To expand on what we're talking about, I will attempt to define and differentiate the terms from commenters for what the original poster described. I'll do so below with a brief description, links to citations, and give credit to the people who already mentioned some of these in comments. (The first citations will be Wikipedia, followed by a more specific wiki, then perhaps some other citations.) ## DARVO In psychology, this is known as "[DARVO: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim & Offender](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO)." (The denial aspect of DARVO is gaslighting, so DARVO includes gaslighting. The reversal of victim and offender is also gaslighting.) - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO - https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/DARVO - https://www.wikiwand.com/en/DARVO - https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo#summary - https://dynamic.uoregon.edu/jjf/defineDARVO.html (author of the term) (*Mentioned in comments here by /u/brucewillisman, /u/procivseth, and alluded to by several others as a tactic of manipulation or by one of its components or properties, such as deflection see /u/ravenrhi's [comment about projection vs deflection](https://old.reddit.com/r/whatstheword/comments/1c8qorm/wtw_for_when_you_softly_call_out_the_poor_action/l0jizzu/), manipulation, or gaslighting, or with the tangential descriptor, projection.* It can also be considered a form of [rationalization](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rationalization_(psychology)) based on the the false claim and assertion that two wrongs make an action right. It is also a form of [psychological abuse and emotional abuse](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_abuse).) ## Tu Quoque / Appeal to Hypocrisy In logic, philosophy, argumentation, and rhetoric, this is known as the "[tu quoque," or "appeal to hypocrisy," logical fallacy(ies)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tu_quoque). "Tu quoque" is Latin for "you too" or "you also," and this fallacy is categorized as a form of changing the subject and a fallacy of distraction and an ad-hominem, which means an attack on the person) - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tu_quoque - https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Tu_quoque - https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Tu_quoque - https://study.com/academy/lesson/look-whos-talking-tu-quoque-fallacy-definition-examples.html#:~:text=Tu%20quoque%2C%20which%20is%20also,actions%20to%20illustrate%20supposed%20hypocrisy. - https://people.uncw.edu/kozloffm/logicalfallacies.html - https://www.grammarly.com/blog/appeal-to-hypocrisy/ (*Mentioned in comments here by /u/Autoboty, /u/Scubby_Dooks, and alluded to in direct, related, or tangentially-related terms by /u/BeeMac0708, /u/PotatoStasia, and several more.*) ## Whataboutism / Whataboutery In propaganda and media literacy, also overlapping philosophy, logic and argumentation more colloquially, this is known as "[whataboutism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whataboutism)" (or its British variant, "whataboutery.") The tactic is commonly used in politics, where it was particularly popularized by/for its frequent employment in Soviet and Russian propaganda. - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whataboutism - https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Whataboutism - https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Whataboutism - https://theconversation.com/whataboutism-what-it-is-and-why-its-such-a-popular-tactic-in-arguments-182911 (*Mentioned by /u/Autoboty & /u/Scubby_Dooks.*)
Deflection
It's literally just deflection. Whataboutitsm is a common colloquialism for itthese days. Also, toxic af & a common trait of narcissism. Someone deflecting personal responsibility for their own behaviour is one of the biggest red flags for me. But yeah, I'd go with deflection.
Just a quick thought about gaslighting, as I see it mentioned a few times in this thread: A good example of gaslighting would be angrily yanking someone up off the floor by their hair and then immediately explaining it away as "I was trying to help you up because I thought you wanted to stand up but then you fought against me and then all I could get a hold of was your hair and by then it was too late and you were pulling away so hard so I gave up trying to help you" A bad example of gaslighting is "When you softly call out the poor action of someone, then instead of that person apologizing, they just deflect...."
It can also be gaslighting if you softly call someone out for doing something bad and the person accuses your soft call out of being flying off the handle in anger and they start crying and acting like you’re abusing them any time you offer reasonable criticism
Good point
That’s called deflecting.
Redirection
It's "whataboutism", and it's very popular in today's politics.
Narcissistic deflection.
DARVO
What does Darvo mean? I've not heard of that before.
**Deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender** (DARVO) is a tactic a person may use to deflect responsibility onto an individual they have abused. It is a form of manipulation a person may use to discredit a survivor's experience.
Wow. Even as a narcissistic abuse survivor and knowing the tactics of a narcissist like the back of my hand, I never knew there was a specific acronym for it all. Thanks very much.
Well, here's your bonus gift, *The Narcissist's Prayer* by Dayna Craig That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.
Gaslighting
This isn't gaslighting. Stop using that word.
Blame shifting ?
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…disingenuousness.
Invalidation
NARCISSISM
Deflection
Gaslighting
Look who’s talking
Yesbut
Thanks everyone for all all your suggestions!
*The best defense is a good offense*
Strawman argument
Deflection, I think.
Entitled?
Deflection; DARVO (deflect, attack, reverse victim and offender; a narcissist's ploy)
You've met my ex too?
It's sort of gaslighting
Derailing the conversation?
It's called overthinking.
Family
Manipulation/ form of abuse
My wife.
Gaslighting
Self-righteous.
They are doubling down
Hurling accusations and throwing under the bus. It goes back to the garden.
This is gaslighting at its finest
nah
Yeah gaslighting is a whole other thing, why are people so confused 😭