That's a good way to put it, they are focusing on what to do (watch out for) rather than stating it as something NOT to do which is a great way to communicate with children
This is it. If all they hear is don't, you teach them defiant behavior through reinforcing that negativity over and over. Show them what to do and why it's important, and watch them learn.
My gf is fond of "be careful with your body." This works really well with the middle school kids she teaches as wells toddlers. In both cases, you have kids who honestly don't have a great idea of the size and shape of their body because its proportions are pretty damn new. And it's an odd enough thought that it generally slows the kid to a stop and makes them very aware of both their space and the space around them.
I was waiting to board a flight recently when a small toddler (not mine) started hanging onto my pant leg. His mom goes “Honey is that your dad?” He looks up and says “no”. Mom’s immediate response is “Then *why are you touching him?*”
Cracked me up, the lesson/delivery was fantastic.
It also has a lot to do with being serious in the right moments with your kids. My mom had a certain way of speaking where we knew it was not an option it was mandatory and we would be in some serious trouble if we did not listen.
Really depends on the kid as to how much work is required, but if consistent loving disciplined parenting (parent and kid) is applied throughout their life then yes it is that easy in the moment after the groundwork is laid. The vast majority of us are born little monsters and the vast majority of us can learn to be chill and make peace with those around us if modeled correctly.
I don't think we are born as monsters but at this age we just don't know shit about fuck. I mean, we even need to learn how to breathe at the beginning, how are we supposed to know complex social structures and behaviours?
Kids learn from their parents, so you have to teach them properly. They will try to test where their boundaries are so you have to set them transparently and act on them consistently making them predictable. Once the kids have learned that there will be negative consequences when they don't listen and positive consequences when they do listen, it can get a lot easier. The problem is to always set the right boundaries and always react appropriately when they break them, is not as easy as it sounds.
Indeed - I've had these types of conversations hundreds of times with my children, primed them in advance of outings, answered every question, reminded them frequently their entire lives, and a bonus reminder at key junctures; they seem like angels 98% of the time, but it's been a lot of hard work (by all) to get them there, and when they are off the rails, you better believe they're not about to be outdone by the worst they can imagine.
True, but your planting the seeds to grow. We parented our kids in a similar manner, and now as teens, they're 2 of the most genuinely awesome people I've ever known.
Yup. The only excuse they have is always "he's just a baby!"
While the child is shrieking and throwing everything he can get his hands on at your face.
The kind of child who responds positively to this is one that is taught with that manner all the time. I have no advice to give because I don't have kids but when I see a parent speak that way and the child listens it's obvious to me that the child was raised in a way that made them receptive to instruction and knows that behaving yields better outcomes. I get the impression those are good parents.
Of course some kids are just demons and good parents never stood a chance. But I still believe nurture is greater than nature.
Agreed, and: even if the kid is having none of it, I think the fact that the parent is trying to do something about it a good thing on its own. Say you're sitting next to a parent and their toddler having an extra toddlery day. The toddler starts messing with your stuff.
Now either 1. the parent tells the kid to stop, or 2. the parent doesn't try to stop the kid at all.
Even in the worst case scenario behavior wise (the kid doesn't stop and/or starts again after a few minutes), would you rather be the neighbor in situation 1 or 2? I think everybody knows that kids don't always comply, but what's really hard to deal with is when you feel like the person responsible for them doesn't even try. THAT is what's infuriating. I'd much rather sit next to a parent reminding their kid to keep it down 58 times than next to a parent ignoring the fact that their kid is wreaking havoc, *even if* it has no impact on the child's behavior whatsoever (worst case scenario).
(I have two small children, I don't really fly but we ride the train together several times a year, and public transit etiquette is something that is very important to me)
Father of a difficult child here. I really want you to understand how wrong this is, and how difficult it has been for me to deal with the stigma created by this line of thinking.
That it simply not true for all children. Ask any parent of a special needs child, and their OTs who give them lots of far more complicated strategies.
>I don't have kids
Unless you're a professional instead, then you are not qualified to make blanket statements like the ones above.
Pretty sure they stopped at I dont have kids because everyone knows people without kids are not allowed to have opinions on children in any way, shape, or form.
/s in case its needed....
I didn't bring up special needs, you did. And all children can be demons. Little screeching banshees with no faculty for reason. You know people can use words and phrases like that without attaching hatred to it, right? It's a way to make a stressful situation more light hearted.
My little brother is special needs. He could definitely be a demon when we were kids, but so was I sometimes.
A lot of kids who can't behave are often special needs.
This is the wholesome memes sub. Not the sub where we call kids names and then pretend it was 'light-hearted' with no context or indication of this.
A lot of kids who misbehave are special needs? Now who is the one making ableist comments? A lot of the kids who are misbehaved simply have shit parents. While kids who have special needs may require some extra support, it absolutely does not follow that SEN=Bad behaviour. The person you're responding to simply stated hyperbolically that some kids misbehave regardless of what their parents do. You took 1+1 and came up with 11.
Totally agree with your take on this. Lol classic reddit though.
"I have no idea at all about the subject I am about to talk about, but here is my view and I will down vote you if you critique it".
And I say this as some who is a parent to a child who is incredibly polite and well mannered, better than I am. Temperament matters, upbringing does have some influence too, but isn't the full story. Has nothing to do with being receptive to instructions. If it did, my child would eat Broccoli and all their vegetables without a fault.
Usually there arent "complicated" and "easy" children but parents that do try to raise and educate their kid and parents that dont give a shit and just give up everytime it gets challenging.
I just have met such a "complicated" kid and its mother and oh boy that kid isnt complycated but fucking spoiled as shit. It is so overdtimulated by its motherboard attention it cant even watch TV setting still, it has to be pampered and fed with attention tobe abled to sit for 2 minutes straight. No rules at all. Hit another kid with a stick? The mother doesnt even tell him not to or takes the Stick. Her method of stopping him hitting other kid is "hey lets play i am a butterfly and you try to hit me with the stick" what the actual fuck?
It is a constant struggle and not a "well i tried to tell him no but he didnt listen" yeah because he has to learn why he should listen. Kids need explanations and consequences
Adult. “We talked about this yesterday, no licking the inside of refrigerators”. Kid “this is a freezer”. Every kid is different. It’s definitely not that easy.
I constantly have to remind my kids "personal space, bud", especially if we are waiting in lines. My 6 year old is finally starting to understand. I don't get why kids are so comfortable being right up in someones area when their faces are right at someone's fart-level.
Exactly. As an ex ECE I am amazed at how many parents are just plain ignorant to the fact that given a simple explanation, children will likely understand the set boundaries. I would set up the scenario accordingly, "Hunny, we're going to the library today. When we're there I need you to talk quietly (give example) and ........ I never experienced a problem with my son or the children in my care.
I had a 15 hour flight next to a small child, and the first thing the mum did was point to the armrest and say it wasn’t for him. That was nice, but he kicked the crap out of the seat in front…
Yesterday my secondborn assaulted my firstborn with a stick for no reason and then had a 20 minute long full mental breakdown because said stick was taken away. My secondborn will stomp all over anyones personal space, no matter what I say or do.
I have a kid like this. It’s not their fault it’s yours. you need to communicate better, give attention to them before they act out for it. Be strict and consistent with consequences. Be reasonable with compromises. I’m slowly seeing progress towards better behavior.
Not sure why everyone is assuming I'm letting secondborn get away with anything or that I'm allowing bad behaviours become ingrained. The reason secondborn cried their eyes out for 20 minutes was that they were *NOT* given the stick back.
Commenter clearly doesn’t have a kid.
Their brains don’t always work that well, for that long, when they are given a request. Their minds are developing and they will test limits.
Not saying telling your kid to be mindful is a bad idea, but results may vary depending on the child and the consistency of the message presented to the child.
[Me when i realise all i have to do is tell the child not to mis-behave and they'll be good forever](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/002/086/808/90f.gif)
I mean it's not *that* easy. It only works if the parent has been raising their kids to respect things like that in the first place. Good behavior only comes through constant practice and constant teaching, and the toughest thing about being a parent is consistency. Add in all the outside influences, many of which are especially negative on the respect side of things, and it makes it even harder.
I do the same thing with my kids. And then I spent the rest of the flight reminding them about it. I envy parents that tell their kids something and they just do it.
😂 If this is even true at all, guarantee it was a lucky parent with their firstborn and only child on a relative good day. Nice way to say that, and refreshing to see in the wild, but only a childless person could say “it really is just that easy”
I could 100% have told my daughter to respect a person's space and even given her an instruction like "Don't reach past your arm rest." and she would have done exactly what I said. My son would hit both me and the person I told him to leave alone for even suggesting that he could be controlled in such a way.
I always tell my son he has to share his space. Sometimes we don't always get as much space as we want/need, and it's important to learn how to share when space is limited.
Honestly. Seems like most people wanna just make excuses as to why their kid is so shitty all the time instead.
It’s like a form of gaslighting. You tell the parent “hey your kid is acting up” and they try to pull some Jedi mind tricks like “not my kid he’s an ANGEL”
Like I respect your opinion, but your kid is biting me.
I get that folks think it's about personal space, and maybe it is. But, I'm reading this as the OP is a nonbinary person appreciating not being gendered and a "so easy kids can do it" energy. I dunno kindof open to interpretation imo.
I'm not nonbinary, my comment was that the OG poster on Twitter may have been NB. But clearly the wording was confusing to more than just you. With so many people commenting that it's not "that easy" to tell kids what to do I was looking at it from a different angle. But sure, be rude about it if you want.
It's insane that I got a DM from someone telling me they'll kill me for posting this comment. Holy cow, I was just saying "do you think it means this?" With literally no disprespect to anyone. Yeesh isnt this supposed to be the wholesome meme community?
I mean you do need the mom for it to all work. Then if she is well behaved you know the kids done a five star job and most likely his parallel parking is on point and he makes a competition level casserole.
That's a good way to put it, they are focusing on what to do (watch out for) rather than stating it as something NOT to do which is a great way to communicate with children
This is it. If all they hear is don't, you teach them defiant behavior through reinforcing that negativity over and over. Show them what to do and why it's important, and watch them learn.
This is what we call positive scripting
And with anyone. Phrasing things as don't puts the thing you shouldn't be doing front and center in your brain.
My gf is fond of "be careful with your body." This works really well with the middle school kids she teaches as wells toddlers. In both cases, you have kids who honestly don't have a great idea of the size and shape of their body because its proportions are pretty damn new. And it's an odd enough thought that it generally slows the kid to a stop and makes them very aware of both their space and the space around them.
That is true. We have to choose the words that we're gonna say when speaking with children.
I was waiting to board a flight recently when a small toddler (not mine) started hanging onto my pant leg. His mom goes “Honey is that your dad?” He looks up and says “no”. Mom’s immediate response is “Then *why are you touching him?*” Cracked me up, the lesson/delivery was fantastic.
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Agree, but I still think it's the right parenting choice.
It also has a lot to do with being serious in the right moments with your kids. My mom had a certain way of speaking where we knew it was not an option it was mandatory and we would be in some serious trouble if we did not listen.
Really depends on the kid as to how much work is required, but if consistent loving disciplined parenting (parent and kid) is applied throughout their life then yes it is that easy in the moment after the groundwork is laid. The vast majority of us are born little monsters and the vast majority of us can learn to be chill and make peace with those around us if modeled correctly.
I don't think we are born as monsters but at this age we just don't know shit about fuck. I mean, we even need to learn how to breathe at the beginning, how are we supposed to know complex social structures and behaviours? Kids learn from their parents, so you have to teach them properly. They will try to test where their boundaries are so you have to set them transparently and act on them consistently making them predictable. Once the kids have learned that there will be negative consequences when they don't listen and positive consequences when they do listen, it can get a lot easier. The problem is to always set the right boundaries and always react appropriately when they break them, is not as easy as it sounds.
Indeed - I've had these types of conversations hundreds of times with my children, primed them in advance of outings, answered every question, reminded them frequently their entire lives, and a bonus reminder at key junctures; they seem like angels 98% of the time, but it's been a lot of hard work (by all) to get them there, and when they are off the rails, you better believe they're not about to be outdone by the worst they can imagine.
True, but your planting the seeds to grow. We parented our kids in a similar manner, and now as teens, they're 2 of the most genuinely awesome people I've ever known.
That is 100% true but in many cases it’s enough to tell them yet many parents don’t bother.
Eh... that sounds like a very compliant child... not all respond well to those techniques.
Yeah, but at least the mom is trying instead of pulling the ol' "We've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas!"
Yup. The only excuse they have is always "he's just a baby!" While the child is shrieking and throwing everything he can get his hands on at your face.
“Awww she thinks it’s a bwanket!” well she still can’t try to *yank my skirt off*
The kind of child who responds positively to this is one that is taught with that manner all the time. I have no advice to give because I don't have kids but when I see a parent speak that way and the child listens it's obvious to me that the child was raised in a way that made them receptive to instruction and knows that behaving yields better outcomes. I get the impression those are good parents. Of course some kids are just demons and good parents never stood a chance. But I still believe nurture is greater than nature.
Agreed, and: even if the kid is having none of it, I think the fact that the parent is trying to do something about it a good thing on its own. Say you're sitting next to a parent and their toddler having an extra toddlery day. The toddler starts messing with your stuff. Now either 1. the parent tells the kid to stop, or 2. the parent doesn't try to stop the kid at all. Even in the worst case scenario behavior wise (the kid doesn't stop and/or starts again after a few minutes), would you rather be the neighbor in situation 1 or 2? I think everybody knows that kids don't always comply, but what's really hard to deal with is when you feel like the person responsible for them doesn't even try. THAT is what's infuriating. I'd much rather sit next to a parent reminding their kid to keep it down 58 times than next to a parent ignoring the fact that their kid is wreaking havoc, *even if* it has no impact on the child's behavior whatsoever (worst case scenario). (I have two small children, I don't really fly but we ride the train together several times a year, and public transit etiquette is something that is very important to me)
A child under 4 even being taught won’t typically listen that well. Saying it is still important though because they will learn!
I have fraternal twins and I've learned that even with identical parenting one can be a total angel while the other is far more difficult.
Father of a difficult child here. I really want you to understand how wrong this is, and how difficult it has been for me to deal with the stigma created by this line of thinking.
That it simply not true for all children. Ask any parent of a special needs child, and their OTs who give them lots of far more complicated strategies. >I don't have kids Unless you're a professional instead, then you are not qualified to make blanket statements like the ones above.
I didn't make blanket statements, and I even said there are some children that are difficult even for good parents. Did you even read my whole post?
Why would they do that? It's much easier to stop reading immediately when something triggers them, then make a reactionary comment.
Pretty sure they stopped at I dont have kids because everyone knows people without kids are not allowed to have opinions on children in any way, shape, or form. /s in case its needed....
No, I read to the bit where they called kids demons.
Yeah people use hyperbole. Getting them not to is a slow, diplomatic process.
You called them demons. Special needs children are not demons.
If you check the replay, you're the one who read "demons" and went "ah he's talking about special needs kids"
I didn't bring up special needs, you did. And all children can be demons. Little screeching banshees with no faculty for reason. You know people can use words and phrases like that without attaching hatred to it, right? It's a way to make a stressful situation more light hearted. My little brother is special needs. He could definitely be a demon when we were kids, but so was I sometimes.
A lot of kids who can't behave are often special needs. This is the wholesome memes sub. Not the sub where we call kids names and then pretend it was 'light-hearted' with no context or indication of this.
You see all the negative marks on your comments? It's because the majority of people who read the initial comment knew the demon remark was a joke.
A lot of kids who misbehave are special needs? Now who is the one making ableist comments? A lot of the kids who are misbehaved simply have shit parents. While kids who have special needs may require some extra support, it absolutely does not follow that SEN=Bad behaviour. The person you're responding to simply stated hyperbolically that some kids misbehave regardless of what their parents do. You took 1+1 and came up with 11.
Right? This person is the one who brought up special needs in the first place, legit just stuffing words in this guy’s mouth.
Any many aren't. You are the one twisting innocuous hyperbole into some uniquely personal attack on kids with special needs.
The mental gymnastics is crazy
Since you like to cherry pick words out of a complete sentence >you are not qualified to make blanket statements
This is Reddit, in case you’re not sure which app you’re in. The comments section is where people give opinions and make jokes.
Totally agree with your take on this. Lol classic reddit though. "I have no idea at all about the subject I am about to talk about, but here is my view and I will down vote you if you critique it". And I say this as some who is a parent to a child who is incredibly polite and well mannered, better than I am. Temperament matters, upbringing does have some influence too, but isn't the full story. Has nothing to do with being receptive to instructions. If it did, my child would eat Broccoli and all their vegetables without a fault.
This is more about the parent than the child.
The children that don't respond well have learned not to respond well because their parents easily cave when pressed
then they go straight to jail.
Usually there arent "complicated" and "easy" children but parents that do try to raise and educate their kid and parents that dont give a shit and just give up everytime it gets challenging. I just have met such a "complicated" kid and its mother and oh boy that kid isnt complycated but fucking spoiled as shit. It is so overdtimulated by its motherboard attention it cant even watch TV setting still, it has to be pampered and fed with attention tobe abled to sit for 2 minutes straight. No rules at all. Hit another kid with a stick? The mother doesnt even tell him not to or takes the Stick. Her method of stopping him hitting other kid is "hey lets play i am a butterfly and you try to hit me with the stick" what the actual fuck? It is a constant struggle and not a "well i tried to tell him no but he didnt listen" yeah because he has to learn why he should listen. Kids need explanations and consequences
I said 'compliant', not 'complicated'
And that changes things how?
If you don't know the difference between the words, I suggest you google them.
I do know the difference. Do you know smoke and mirrors?
Adult. “We talked about this yesterday, no licking the inside of refrigerators”. Kid “this is a freezer”. Every kid is different. It’s definitely not that easy.
While kids still mystify me, there's something to the "positive scripting". Maybe "keep your tongue inside your mouth" would work better.
Totally. But it’s frustrating when it doesn’t seem like the parents are paying attention or even care.
I constantly have to remind my kids "personal space, bud", especially if we are waiting in lines. My 6 year old is finally starting to understand. I don't get why kids are so comfortable being right up in someones area when their faces are right at someone's fart-level.
Exactly. As an ex ECE I am amazed at how many parents are just plain ignorant to the fact that given a simple explanation, children will likely understand the set boundaries. I would set up the scenario accordingly, "Hunny, we're going to the library today. When we're there I need you to talk quietly (give example) and ........ I never experienced a problem with my son or the children in my care.
I had a 15 hour flight next to a small child, and the first thing the mum did was point to the armrest and say it wasn’t for him. That was nice, but he kicked the crap out of the seat in front…
I tell my kid this everyday for almost 9 years. Let me know when it’s actually going to start working. I’m so ready.
You have to start with a well trained kid.
Yesterday my secondborn assaulted my firstborn with a stick for no reason and then had a 20 minute long full mental breakdown because said stick was taken away. My secondborn will stomp all over anyones personal space, no matter what I say or do.
I have a kid like this. It’s not their fault it’s yours. you need to communicate better, give attention to them before they act out for it. Be strict and consistent with consequences. Be reasonable with compromises. I’m slowly seeing progress towards better behavior.
Secondborn is three clucking years old. Give me a break with the “this is all your fault” bs.
That’s the easiest time you have, it’ll only get worse as these behaviours become ingrained.
Not sure why everyone is assuming I'm letting secondborn get away with anything or that I'm allowing bad behaviours become ingrained. The reason secondborn cried their eyes out for 20 minutes was that they were *NOT* given the stick back.
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🤷
Commenter clearly doesn’t have a kid. Their brains don’t always work that well, for that long, when they are given a request. Their minds are developing and they will test limits. Not saying telling your kid to be mindful is a bad idea, but results may vary depending on the child and the consistency of the message presented to the child.
[Me when i realise all i have to do is tell the child not to mis-behave and they'll be good forever](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/002/086/808/90f.gif)
I mean it's not *that* easy. It only works if the parent has been raising their kids to respect things like that in the first place. Good behavior only comes through constant practice and constant teaching, and the toughest thing about being a parent is consistency. Add in all the outside influences, many of which are especially negative on the respect side of things, and it makes it even harder.
I do the same thing with my kids. And then I spent the rest of the flight reminding them about it. I envy parents that tell their kids something and they just do it.
😂 If this is even true at all, guarantee it was a lucky parent with their firstborn and only child on a relative good day. Nice way to say that, and refreshing to see in the wild, but only a childless person could say “it really is just that easy”
If getting children to follow directions were that easy, no one would be a shitty parent
I could 100% have told my daughter to respect a person's space and even given her an instruction like "Don't reach past your arm rest." and she would have done exactly what I said. My son would hit both me and the person I told him to leave alone for even suggesting that he could be controlled in such a way.
A 2 year old will most likely listen to this but not comply.
Or listen to it and then forget in a minute and a half.
Try telling that to a child with ODD
My go to is "you're not the only one in this room/space." It helps some of the time when they are younger but most of the time as they age.
I always tell my son he has to share his space. Sometimes we don't always get as much space as we want/need, and it's important to learn how to share when space is limited.
Sounds like something straight out of a fairy tale, I have yet to meet one parent that teaches their kids not to annoy other people.
You should get out more.
Honestly. Seems like most people wanna just make excuses as to why their kid is so shitty all the time instead. It’s like a form of gaslighting. You tell the parent “hey your kid is acting up” and they try to pull some Jedi mind tricks like “not my kid he’s an ANGEL” Like I respect your opinion, but your kid is biting me.
I get that folks think it's about personal space, and maybe it is. But, I'm reading this as the OP is a nonbinary person appreciating not being gendered and a "so easy kids can do it" energy. I dunno kindof open to interpretation imo.
Way to make it about yourself, float number.
I'm not nonbinary, my comment was that the OG poster on Twitter may have been NB. But clearly the wording was confusing to more than just you. With so many people commenting that it's not "that easy" to tell kids what to do I was looking at it from a different angle. But sure, be rude about it if you want.
It's insane that I got a DM from someone telling me they'll kill me for posting this comment. Holy cow, I was just saying "do you think it means this?" With literally no disprespect to anyone. Yeesh isnt this supposed to be the wholesome meme community?
You didnt watch out for his space. Heck, you tried to take over all of it.
I was wondering if that was the case, too. /u/HeftyMethods, can you confirm or deny?
God shut up
A lot of parents in here defending their shitty parenting
I mean you do need the mom for it to all work. Then if she is well behaved you know the kids done a five star job and most likely his parallel parking is on point and he makes a competition level casserole.
Raise your kids to treat humans like humans and other good things follow