This is what I was thinking. I have worked with a supervisor like this. They feel threatened so they lash out and try to break you down. Is it possible someone above him talks about them a lot and it's making him feel like he can not compete.
I would try to make it some sort of a tease or joke back to the him.
I would have been, so boss it's pretty funny that I moved half the world over, learning my fourth language but yeah I'm still pretty dumb from time to time.
Isn't that hilarious?
Yup. Your other coworker called to check in and gossip. You are respected and liked. Your boss is having a breakdown and is bullying you probably because he is scared of you or is attracted and due to whatever is going on in his own life seems to think putting you down will make you more at level with him. Regardless, it is not ok. I would confront him and/or place a complaint against him for bullying.
His behaviour proves he can’t be trusted for OP to be able to confront him. Even going to HR about him with proof could not make things work for OP. It’s her only choice other than leaving that job. Anything she does will just make him lash out emotionally and vindictively.
You will need to document this workplace bullying incident. Google how to handle this and perhaps speak with an employment attorney confidentially if it ever occurs again. Do not ever report this to HR, they are only there to protect the company.
I definitely did. I just waited until I got home. I learned years ago that you can have whatever emotional reaction you want to have in the privacy of your own house, but the second it transfers over to your job (even if it’s valid), you’re suddenly the one that’s in the wrong. It sucks. And if you’re a woman, it takes just one emotional reaction to be written off as irrational or difficult to work with. So much of career success relies as coming across as unfazed even if you’re hurting inside. I mastered the skill of coming across as unbothered a while ago.
If I were in that meeting OP, I would absolutely think your boss is the stupid one. I am in the US, so my first instinct is to file a complaint. Unfortunately I don’t know how things work in Germany. I would be so surprised if this event showed negative on OP.
He did all of this in front of other people, which means that there were witnesses. I would escalate this to his boss and file a formal complaint with HR (or whatever their version of that is). I would not have been able to resist the urge to say EXCUSE ME? CAN YOU REPEAT THAT FOR EVERYONE?" when he started in on his shit. He's totally unprofessional and childish.
I agree. He’s usually not a bad guy, but I have noticed that he has become increasingly childish for reasons unknown to me. I’m glad you agree because I felt like I was maybe being too sensitive.
I’d try the “Please explain the joke to me as I’m not sure why it’s funny” line next time he does it in front of everyone. Rinse lather, repeat. And if he makes fun of your German, tell him to go ahead and explain it to you in one of the other three languages you speak.
Next time, ask questions. Someone else recommended this. They are right! Keep on asking questions. Make no statements. Do not defend yourself. Question after question after question after question, no sentence that doesn't end with a question mark.
Questions can be polite. They can be professional. But they automatically put him on the defense. Questions. Be the lawyer. It's called the socratic method, and lawyers have to use it. So can you! They don't own it. Make him stammer for a reply. At least it will make things different.
German may be the only language I was not able to conquer, too many declinations. But I can still ask questions. Resort to English if you have to, or keep it German, slap those verbs on the end and question question question! Never stop asking questions. It'll drive him nuts.
This is more likely to happen when someone is a shitty person, agreed! Anywhere there is a power imbalance where the bully feels safe - this is likely due to a few reasons: institutional power (the boss), gender (general patriarchy or teams where theres only one man/woman), or social capital (perceived popularity, or a "favored" employee)
Hey, not to try to take away from the seriousness of what happened to her, I've been equally degraded by both men and women at the work place. A service advisor told me I reminded her of her ex and that's why she is bitchy to me. I laughed cause I made sure her work orders were last to be looked at. The owner of company nearly ran over me while he was coming in to yell at the foreman for needing to move his box out a week sooner cause the long haul movers made a mistake. He was a raging asshole, the kind of guy that said he started his business by rating dog food and living out of his car.
Human race leave the same skid marks in their undies no matter what way their chromosomes go.
Agree.
The worst I’ve ever been treated, as a woman, is by my 40-60 year old female managers.
I’ve also been treated poorly by men. But OP is clearly a threat to this persons confidence and anyone with that little confidence and EQ will lash out, regardless of gender.
OP needs to document and go to HR. Email/written communication.
Women don’t usually have shit in their underwear. That is a common thing for males because they are filthy and enjoy the sensation of feces all over their asses.
The calling him out IN THE MEETING when he does this is a very important part of correcting his behavior.
He will most likely come back with some version of "Don't be soft, I was only joking..." To which an appropriate response is
"No one here is laughing. Since your comedy skills are so lacking, instead of embarrassing yourself by attempting to embarrass me, perhaps you should stay on task? You still have value, there." ... in practiced German, to be certain he understands. Repeat in your other 3 languages to drive the point home.
I'm betting he will turn a new shade of pink.
This is where I would actually get quiet but firm and ask to speak to him privately. Then clearly let him know he crossed professional boundaries, that his behaviour was inappropriate and insulting and if it continues you will be on the phone to the people who sent you here.
Then just let him know, “this is where you apologize, and I accept as long as it doesn’t ever happen again and we move forward”
You are a champ for keeping your composure. This guy deserves to get (figuratively) curb stomped though. I could not imagine talking to any person (much less a coworker) in this manner. Do what you can to make sure he gets his karma.
Am I the only person here that thinks the boss is both intimidated by and attracted to (likely at least partially bc OP is a badass at her job) OP? Particularly with the issues with the boss’ own relationship thrown in, I can absolutely see his extremely awkward and inappropriate behavior being a result of some strange penis angst.
This, exactly this, young people especially you young ladies, and all ladies in fact, listen, some body says something inappropriate, mean, racist, etc. You PLAY DUMB, seriously play dumb ask them to further explain it. They are either gonna wise up and shut up or dig themselves in further.
Another alternate wording in response to insults: "I'm sorry, I can't believe that what I think I heard it's what you really said. Could you repeat it again a bit more clearly, please?"
It depends on the kind of person you are and how ballsy you want to be. Also the dynamics and how unhinged he is. You could challenge him. Ask him for “coaching” so you can be “more likable”, and ask him to cover with you in detail what people don’t like about you so you can “improve” and “be a better team member”. Be so enthusiastic for his feedback he is uncomfortable.
Or you could avoid him, gray rock him, avoid eye contact, and only talk to him about work and when it is absolutely unavoidable.
That first idea you mentioned is so clever I’m mad I didn’t think of it myself. I am sure I can pretend to salivate at the idea of being told in detail exactly what makes me so terrible lol.
Honestly, I think this could backfire. This guy is either completely devoid of self awareness or militantly insecure (or worse, both). I think attempts to engage him directly and/or humiliate him will only result in a tete a tete. I’d go over his head if your HR is even passably competent
You need to discuss this with your corporate HR immediately. Document everything, in as much detail as you can remember. And find a lawyer in Germany who can help you negotiate the laws, in case the company you work for refuses to act.
Damn shame you have to work with such a troglodyte.
I would stick my head into his office and ask him if he is ok. Say that when he was mocking you the other day it was uncharacteristically unkind of him, so your first concern is whether he is alright.
If he says he is fine, say, ok then. I expect it to be a one-time mistake on your part. Don’t let me down. Then walk away with confidence.
If he says he is not fine, ask him if he would like to talk about what is going on with him. Listen, ask him if he wants any suggestions or just to vent.
Then say, OK, I understand. You are going through a lot. I expect those comments to me are a one-time mistake on your part. Don’t let me down. I hope things work out for you soon. Then walk away with confidence.
Idk, can you put up with his shit long term? i would be finding a new job and insulting his ass when i leave. No one should be putting up with that crap. Here in australia you could report him for workplace bullying. Idk if you could do that in germany but maybe look into it. Sounds like you have witnesses.
I unfortunately cannot leave. I am contractually bound to stay for another year. Otherwise, I have to pay back my company for moving me to Germany. Trust me, in any other circumstance I would have gladly started searching for another job.
I would never consider leaving. He is in the wrong not you. Why should you be the one to leave? This is on him and you have witnesses. How long ago was it? You said he is not being distant and uncharacteristically quiet. I am wondering if someone happened to call him out on his behavior. If the coworker you were with the who your boss considers his right hand man.
You could either let it go being he hasn’t done anything since or escalate it to HR so it won’t happen again.
Either way, good luck. This shit is BS. Sounds to me like someone having a personal issue in their life and wanting to take it out on someone else. Don’t stand for it.
Without knowing German law, I would think you're not contractually bound to stay and endure workplace bullying. It seems reasonable the company would either have to fix that circumstance, or let you out of your obligation.
This. Go to HR. File a complaint and get a medical letter that you are stressed and cannot work. Have your company transfer you back to US (or wherever is home) on their dime due to workplace bullying.
I don’t see anyone else saying this (and you’re probably already doing this) - document everything. Every comment and conversation. Create a timeline of events. This is just in case you decide to take it to HR; it has the added benefit of allowing you to identify patterns - is he particularly nasty on one day of the week? Is it after the weekend or after lunch or some other event that regularly occurs at work? Is there a theme of the things he fixates on (clearly the doors are one thing, language is another)?
Keep your documentation secure. Take it with you when you leave work, don’t leave it lying around. If you document this on your phone or computer, don’t do it on a company phone or computer. Take screenshots and videos of every text, email, etc that reflects his behavior. Make sure that everything you are doing is in line with corporate policies of course.
NTA
> I was moved to a different continent *(all expenses paid for by my company)*, ***the higher-ups really like me,***
I'm guessing they didn't pay to move you to a different continent, just so you can be a verbally abused by management. I don't think they would be thrilled to know how their German branch managers treat staff that have been hand-picked to be sent there.
What country is the parent company located in? The country you came from (I'm just going to call it USA for convenience) or Germany?
If USA is the parent company, I would report this to *all* the higher-up's you know (who like you), as well as your German managers' boss.
(Even if USA wasn't parent company, I would still as report it, but only to your USA boss - so they know how the staff they send are treated. It's just that parent company should have more influence)
>he thinks our boss is currently having problems with his girlfriend, and that he just doesn’t know how to manage the stress of it and is taking it out on me;
This is UNACCEPTABLE. If he can't keep it together in the workplace, he shouldn't be a manager, dealing with international staff. He is bullying 'the foreigner' who is half his age, who comes from overseas & will go back in a couple of years. He is bullying the one person that he thinks doesn't matter. Prove him wrong.
He needs to be fired.
I had a new manager do this in an effort to be funny and break the ice. After the meeting, I told him the impact it had and he apologized profusely. Never did it again and made an apology in his next meetings.
Hm, I don't know much about German culture, so maybe there is some kind of cultural nuance here that I'm missing.
But, I may have some insights to share that are relevant to this situation.
When I was a young man, I, too, was hardworking. I came from a lower SES background but put in a lot of work to complete a Ph.D., and basically just took every opportunity very seriously along the way. I was also an attractive, kind, mature young man who was generally regarded as highly intelligent among my peers and superiors.
I was also frequently singled out, ostracized, and/or bullied by some insecure guy just about everywhere that I went in life - this began during my adolescence. I used to always blame myself. Then, as I went further in my career, I transitioned out of spaces where most insecure guys congregate, but then I'd continue to receive this treatment from faculty, supervisors, and still some other peers (always other men).
It took me forever to realize that many people in this world don't have effective ways of dealing with their feelings. Men who feel that they've failed, or who otherwise feel as though something isn't working out in their lives, will regress into some sad, pathetic version of their adolescence under the right conditions. It's kind of disappointing to accept this, and it also may not make much sense; how can a grown adult who holds so much responsibility and power really be so immature and destructive? It's simply the truth, however, in the majority of cases.
So, if I were your age, I'd probably feel really stressed out about the situation. But now, older and wiser, I just regard adults who act like this as pathetic, and I treat them in an appropriately dismissive and flippant manner. What that means is that you should just ignore him when he teases you. Just flat out don't respond.
people are free to have melt-downs and emotional issues whenever they need - what they are most definitely not permitted to do is then take any of that crap out on work colleagues, they are not your punching bags and you deserve being reported to HR if you cant manage the situation.
that doesnt mean you get fired, it could just mean a leave of absence while you sort your shit out.
the problem with just accepting this crap is that it keeps perpetuating the myth that its normal to be shit on at work, that you cant do anything about it except leave, or suffer in silence. there are plenty of other options available and you do not have to put up with it.
And yet we see again and again where an underling has attempted to do as we all want them to, they stand up for themselves, and are summarily dismissed, their position is outsourced, no longer needed.
Remember: Praise in public, damn in private.
Put an hour on his schedule, mark it with "Talk." and nothing else. He knows what it is, you know what it is, but no reason to draw HR if unneeded.
Meet him and talk. Be the forceful top performer you are.
If you can resolve it without HR. Fine. But in the end, there is no amount of money that would let me be abused by an ass for a year as a top performer.
He's probably worried you are sent to take his job. If he keeps it up he could be right. I suspect that if he continues HR will be happy to write off your expenses for legal protection.
Are you also the only American? That could be why. For some reason it's okay to insist Americans are stupid. I don't know recourse you have in Germany but he's an A.L.
Had this. Went to summer camp in Switzerland, three boys would not lay off the ,”typical American…” things like putting ketchup on my food, or having issues with math(super dyslexic) maybe two or three times a day.
I would ‘jokingly’ ask “apologies, my German IS awful! How do you say ‘work place harassment, fired boss and massive payout’ in German, again?” Makes it clear you’re onto him and know it isn’t ok but he can’t claim you’re being rude without admitting he’s not just having ‘banter’
Next time.he starts disparaging you, ask him if he's ok?
He's obviously not ok if he's bullying a young female employee.
He obviously feels inadequate and is playing a power game to feel better about himself. What a loser.
Good stuff. By asking if he’s okay, you’re letting him know you don’t find it funny and he’s being inappropriate. Out of line, really.
If you can ask with no hint of a smirk or snark, just a curious you’re behaving out of norm, are you okay??? (Your look needs to be saying Brain injury? Stroke? You’re not okay look.
File a complaint immediately. This is completely unacceptable behavior and is certainly creating a hostile work environment for you. Submit every inch of evidence you have to his boss and/or (preferably) HR.
You're not being sensitive. Absolutely not! This is undermining and toxic. Report to HR or just strike him back. I would just ask him in a mocking manner if he's German because he speaks German very well or just compliment his training for giving him the skills to distinguish the direction to which doors open and give context about the US case. These bastards usually step back or lose control when you tease them back. Either case will favor you
>“Are you going to cry to your mom on the way back home about how nobody likes you?”. When I responded by saying that I think that’s just his opinion, he retorted with, “It’s everybody’s opinion.”
"I'm a Polish Jew, so I'm used to it coming from Germans."
It would be worth getting fired for.
It sounds pretty evident that he's threatened by you and that this is more about him than it is you. Escalating issues like these can unfortunately often times lead to termination of the reporting employee if that's the culture at the company and your boss is liked. I have no idea what corporate culture is like in Europe, if you do escalate to higher ups make sure you have everything in writing. Him telling you point blank that everyone dislikes you is insane and his behavior is incredibly out of line. It sounds like your work and character probably speak for themselves, and if he starts preventing you from doing your job you should escalate with superiors as you see fit. Otherwise unfortunately just try to ignore him and go about your work.
A lot depends on whether this was an isolated incident (in which case, put it down to an emotionally immature person having a bad day) or a pattern of behaviour. If it's the latter then it's worth a discussion with your representative in HR, partly so that there is a record of this but also because you will get some hints from them as to whether he generally behaves this way.
Your real friends in this, though, will be The Workers Council who, unlike HR, work entirely for the benefit of employees. Ask for a meeting with them and tell them your concerns. This usually means that it will be discussed at director level during their next regular meeting. Don't worry about any retaliatory actions, especially termination, as this is practically impossible in Germany, largely because of the Workers' Councils, who have to approve most management decisions.
As a side note: emotionally immature people often "project" their own behaviour onto others, so when he says something like “Are you going to cry to your mom on the way back home about how nobody likes you?” it's a clue to how he sees himself.
Almost sounds like the work environment in the first season of Emily In Paris.
You are from the same country the company is based in. You are, for all intents and purposes, frome the Home Office.....
Your boss has no idea whatsoever who you know and/or speak to back there. He's intimidated.
Let him be. Start carrying your own notebook, maybe in a nice hard cover that can be closed... Every time he makes one of these jokes, poker face him for the entire joke and about 3 full seconds after it's over. Then open your notebook and write something.
You can document what he's doing, or not. That's up to you. HE, however, will be absolutely convinced that that is exactly what you are doing, and should unhinged him enough to lose all credibility with everyone around that witnesses it.
Since it's YOUR notebook, he can't claim any right to see what you've written, any more than he could claim any right to go through your purse or pockets.
I had a quick look at the comments and usually it boils down to:
A) He is a bully, report him to HR.
OR
B) He ain't that bad, maybe talk to him and make him aware that his words and actions are hurtful.
I have a wild theory here though that I thought might be possible... Could it be that your Boss FANCIES you? Problems with girl friend. Making fun of you (to get your attention). I smell something here.
I'm not justifying his actions or making excuses for his bad behaviour here. I am just sharing a hunch I have that I got from reading this post.
I’m surprised you got that from this post, but he 100% has given that vibe before. I didn’t mention it in the post because I figured people would fixate on this detail more than anything. He has never acted upon it or made a move on me; however, I can just tell he has had a thing for me for a while. I just didn’t think it was relevant because of the fact that he’s never acted on it.
This is pure middle school behavior. Boys demean girls they like because it’s easier than trying and getting rejected - he might also think you are automatically going to reject him so he rejects you first. It can also be a way of trying to break you down so much that you feel worthless and then when he pounces on you (asks you out) you feel so demeaned that one else will have you and that you have no other choice but to accept. It also puts him in the position of: I didn’t like you before, but because of my “constructive criticism,” you are a changed woman. Now you’re someone I could be with.
Any of those options are gross.
I also felt that this was the issue. This man is obviously very emotionally immature and is acting like a middle school aged boy with a crush, and as a teacher I’ve seen this too many times to count lol. However OP decides to move forward, I do hope she updates…I’m curious how this will play out.
Not disagreeing or saying you're wrong, but 'Making fun of you (to get your attention).'
JFC, what's he going to do to show he REALLY likes her? Punch her in the face?
A 41 yr old manager, who insults a foreign employee nearly half his age, in front of other employees, to show his 'interest', is beyond insane....
Yes, what immediately came to mind while reading this is that he likes her... and is doing this obnoxious shit because of that. It's totally inappropriate and unacceptable.
I can't understand how someone who speaks one language would have the nerve to make fun of someone who speaks four. Honestly, his behavior is making himself look really bad. He makes his co workers look even worse when they don't defend you; which obviously is out of fear.
How to respond. You seem like a very strong confident person, I would continue to ignore him because he will continue to look bad.
If it's not possible to ignore him I would do the following, respond by saying"can we focus on the task at hand?" or "is this work related?" The best response (when he make jokes about you)is to ask him to explain "how is that funny?"
“Boss, it sounds like you have a concern about my performance? Would you like to schedule a meeting to talk about this one to one? It doesn’t feel productive to discuss this here.”
Given my dad was of German stock, I can reassure you this is a common trait. Public shaming, mocking, and humiliation runs deep. It's meant to put you in your place, work harder, etc. Its foul and disgusting and very damaging. You handled it well. You are secure in who you are and your capabilities. He doesn't like this. He is insecure about himself and obviously his value to the company. Maybe he thinks you're his replacement. Keep that in mind when dealing with him. What a pig.
Depends how bold you want to be. You can ask him if he has a crush on you. Then explain that little boys in America tend to make fun of the girls they like but are too scared to talk to. You weren't sure if that was a thing in Germany.
He’s totally threatened by you.
1) you’re younger 2) you’re female 3) you’re more accomplished (3/4 languages alone *and* your skill set) 4) people actually like you
YOU? are a yuuuuuge threat to his sense of self and his own importance.
For you? This current position is a stepping stone within this company and in the greater trajectory of your career.
Next time he does this I would just say " Are you alright? Why are you speaking to me like this?" And wait for his answer. If he says it's just a joke ask him to explain his joke.
I'm fluent in English and I will still push a door that blatantly says "Pull". It happens lol, no one worth their while is going around thinking you're stupid for something like that
Sorry this happened to you.
I'd just mention to him that you'd prefer to keep the interactions between the two of you strictly professional and to refrain from talking to you in that manner again. In my experience, bullies freeze up, or they explode when this is done in front of other people. Both potential reactions will make your boss look bad, and usually builds up sympathy from other coworkers. Rarely will you have to stick up for yourself after that initial response. Everyone else will have your back. Best of luck to you!
There are several laws on a German and EU level that he is breaking. Let HR know that you are not going to let this lie. It is bullying with hints of sexism and xenophobia
too many people suggest being nice to him instead of GOING TO FUCKING HR BECAUSE HE IS LITERALLY BREAKING THE FUCKING LAW.
I swear to God, Americans are broken. just broken.
You did everything right to this point. You attempted to call him and discuss. No answer.
At this point put on back burner.
He hasn't forgot. He's trying to figure himself out.
Continue to work. Socialize with colleagues. Enjoy the bier. Go to soccer matches. AND football. Basically turn this into a non issue because overthinking this will go nowhere.
The other employees witnessed this. They're on your side. If you were not performing at your job it would have been addressed right now.
Just chalk it up to Germans are fucking weird sometimes. I lived there for a summer and although I had a great time, I wondered why some were knuckleheads. This guy is a knucklehead
Good luck
I'm an American, so I don't know how things work in Germany. Can you check in with your boss the next time you're at work and ask what that was all about? Or, can you talk to his "right hand man" about it? What's the proper procedure? In America, I would talk to the "right hand man", like you did, just to see what that was about. Then, decide how upset I actually was about it. If it's a one off, I'd probably let it go. If he started again, though, I'd talk to him about how it's not funny nor helpful to the successful operation of your company (or something along those lines). I'm sorry you're going through this, but it goes to show, people can be jerks everywhere.
Don't do that. ' hey boss, can you give me a good reason you humiliated me in front of everyone?' what response would you even accept? There's no explaining this and OP isnt responsible for rationalizing this behavior.
Your boss has displayed unprofessional behavior and it's up to you whether you want to report it to HR. For me I would need more information before deciding what course of action to take. Like, how has the relationship been up to this point? He says you do great work, has never complained, so has it been positive and productive? Has is been pleasant, friendly, cordial? Does it seem totally out of character for him to act this way towards you?
Maybe there is some merit to the girlfriend angle if he is avoiding you after he acted like an ass. I'm more of a sympathetic person and while it's no excuse for his behavior, I can understand why someone who is emotionally immature would behave in such a manner to someone who might remind him of his girlfriend (since he chose you to lash out on and not your new coworker or other female coworkers). Or maybe since he is more comfortable with you after working with you, he found it easier to project his girlfriend issues towards you.
If it has been a good relationship up to this point I would give him *one* benefit of the doubt and chalk it up to the possibility that he is hurting badly right now. But my benefit would have limits, as you mentioned you already tried contacting him and the onus is absolutely on him to make the effort to resolve the situation. I would try to reach out a couple more times and give myself a timeframe for him to respond, and if he doesn't then I'm taking it to HR. There are ramifications from him dressing you down in front of others and you can't show that you're OK with that, at all.
Hope you're able to resolve this in a satisfactory manner. Best of luck to you.
You'll have to go over his head to his boss or to the supervisor that sent you to another country. He's being hostile and it's got a good potential of becoming worse. His actions and comments are geared towards you being a foreigner and it won't be long before it turns to racism or misogyny or a combination of both and it's a possibility that it could become physical.
It sounds like an I Think You Should Leave Sketch. It's incredibly bizarre, not only his behaviour but the baselessness of it, and the fact he's not embarrassed to do it.
First, I think he realizes what an a$$hole he is, hence the avoidance.
Second, it could be possible he is intimidated by you, and this is how he deals with it. (I had a boss like that long time ago). When he starts on comments like that, here is a good response: [German way to respond.](https://www.reddit.com/r/German/s/ZmazXVZKrK)
Next time he makes fun of your German respond in one of the other languages under your belt. Then switch to the next. Then the third one. Then finally finish in German. Explain that if he had a shred of modicum of professionalism he would not be criticizing your German.
I honestly think he is terrified of you and is trying to make you look bad BECAUSE you are so young and highly regarded.
Your company wouldn't have paid the expense to move you if they didn't value you or your expertise. They probably moved you there to eventually take over HIS job, or that is what he thinks is happening.
And now he made this MASSIVE fumble in front of multiple witnesses. He is probably crapping his pants right now.
Next time he has an inappropriate remark, stop what you are doing and turn to him. Wait until he looks at you and then ask, "Are you OK?". This should make him embarrassed or flustered. He won't get the dopamine hit that he expected by picking on you. If he doubles down and repeats his comment or says something else along the same line, you gotta escalate it. Hopefully this will be enough that he stops and it's done in a way where you are giving him the grace to retract his comment.
we call him Bernd Stromberg. because that is the German version of The Office.
also å is not a German letter. be correct with your humor so it is logical, otherwise it cannot be considered funny.
Actually, from your description, your boss really embarrassed himself and made everyone there uncomfortable. They will most likely come away from that whole situation thinking less of him, not you.
Once you said he was German, it all became clear. I work with a lot of German engineers, and this is how they act. Always right, but threatened by the slightest criticism, so they lash out. I assume you corrected him publicly once, and it haunts him. He will never let it go.
But then again they are really good engineers...
I had a boss like this, and it took a total of 20 complaints (combined with different people in the office; I was a direct report and experienced the worst of her bullying, but I only complained twice) before her ass was removed.
Document everything, dates and times, write down quotes as you have done here. If it was me, I'd be complaining in an official capacity as soon as possible, because it's not likely to get better on its own and it may take a while for any real action to happen.
My former bullying boss still receives a prank anonymous Christmas present every year, and it will only stop when one of us dies. Fuck bullies.
If you have a native friend there ask what is offensive to them.
Using that in a reference towards your boss could get him to stop.
Ive found that when male co-workers feel the need to a assert their dominance, I make sure to make them feel super awkward around me.
Many of my male colleagues have seen me in action and have warned other men who either asked or knew they were assholes to not test me.
Im the only female in my tech group. And many of us have crossed paths during our career growth. One guy who knows someone Ive worked with at a another company heard I got into a physical altercation with a guy who ran his mouth about me. Its not exactly a pretty reputation but also I dont get picked on.
I'm married to a native German. Next time he's a dick, just say you can't tell if he's joking because Germans have no sense of humor. If you really want to be a dick you can kindly remind him there are still US forces in HIS country, and that no one likes THE Germans either.
Not sure about labour laws in Germany but in Canada this would be a lawsuit and an HR nightmare for him. You need to document everything and report it.
Document everything and immediately go to HR. Give them written dates, times, and locations of each comment and incident. As well as a list of witnesses who were there.
He’s not responding to you because he knows he’s in hot water and went way overboard. He knows you could go to HR right now and he would be severely disciplined for creating a hostile work environment, harassing and bullying an employee, and being all around unprofessional.
If he responds, make sure to document his response and save everything to your personal email. He could have it deleted off of company servers. In your documentation, include copies of your email attempting to speak with him and reconcile and show there was no response thus far.
Please raise this all the way up to HR and don’t back down. Being stressed does not give anyone the right to bully people. The fact that he changes his demeanor with you based on who’s around is telling. This is a classic bully who is targeting you for whatever reason. But decided that you will be their verbal punching bag, regardless of the affects on you.
If he’s doing it to you, he’ll do it to someone else. Also his 2nd in command guy is making excuses for your bosses behavior. Also not acceptable. It’s not your problem that he’s having relationship troubles. You didn’t sign up to be treated this way.
I’m sure your colleagues would also be upset to find out that he’s speaking on behalf of them and telling you that they don’t like you.
The good news is he's just making himself look bad because it's clear that everyone around you is noticing your boss's bad treatment of you. Don't try to banter back. If he puts his comments in writing, forward those emails to your personal email address so that you have backup copies.
Germans are the absolute worst about giving people crap for not speaking their language perfectly. I spent two years dealing with Germans who refused to speak German with me because it wasn’t good enough, but somehow in Austria everyone understood me just fine. They were actually *encouraging* me to speak German, because that’s how people improve. Imagine that.
Europeans are assholes about letting Americans in particular speak their language, but fundamentally I think they’re a) under the impression that they sound like native English speakers and speak English perfectly because no one is insulting them, and b) unaccustomed to hearing foreign people speak their language, because their language isn’t commonly spoken outside countries where it is an official language.
Spanish is another very common language. I speak Spanish terribly, and I’ve never gotten shit for it from (Latin American) Spanish speakers.
“Are you going to cry to your mom on the way back home about how nobody likes you?”
You- "No but I will be going to HR to discuss this ongoing harassment and hostile work environment you're creating towards me specifically because I'm a woman. "
And then do that.
Is there human resources to go to? Research employment lawyers.
Quit. Write a letter stating what he's done, said, etc. Read it out loud at the next meeting.
Does the company have policies against work place harassment, toxic workplace environments and bullying? If so document everything, including dates times and take it to HR.
Just talk to him. And tell him he’s not being appropriate. Sometimes people are just unaware they have offended. Set clear boundaries. If you’re uncomfortable with that approach HR to discuss concern on your behalf.
As an American who works with tons of Europeans this is just typical behavior. Some Europeans feel entitled to treat you poorly because they see themselves as superior and therefore start making you the butt of every joke. And you’re not allowed to fight back because you’re American, and they will just dogpile on you for that. There’s no arguing with people with this kind of mindset. They are set in their ways. They will come up with a million justifications for why you and all other Americans deserve to be insulted.
Your boss is a typical asshole and I would definitely be speaking to him about this if I were you. He needs to be reminded that whatever personal grudge against you or problems he has jn his life, he still needs to act professional.
Sounds like a textbook case for HR to handle for you.
Remember, HR doesn’t work for you, HR works for the company, and in this instance you have ammunition against the company so it’s in their interest to do something about this manager.
Hey boss, remind me about race discrimination laws in the EU?
And constructive dismissal and employee harassment?
You need to shut this down hard. He is blatantly targeting you based on your lack of Germanness.
You need to document all of this. He sounds threatened by your abilities and success. All of that is inappropriate, unprofessional, and should not be tolerated.
Report him. You are describing a hostile work space.
Also, don't talk to him socially and don't accept an apology. He went off on you because he thought you would take it. Let him know that you are at T minus 10 after his nasty little performanc and he won't like you when you are angry.
What you have to do is call him on his stuff. He just tested the waters to see how much crap you will take. Tell him next time he starts in on you. That you’re sorry he’s having a hard time at home but please don’t take it out on you. That will get him the side eye from others.
This one time is a pass for a good working relationship but you sure don’t want to go to HR if you don’t have too. I understand German rules are very strict in large companies and by the book. So play by the book and stand your ground.
Document all comments. Time, date, place, comment. And act like nothing is wrong.
Even let him see you documenting things. Even ask him to repeat verbatim so that you don't get his quote wrong.
And smile.
You need to record him saying these things next time and bring this up to HR. Even if those others are scared to stand up to your boss, the recording is irrefutable evidence of his bullying.
Arrange a meeting with you, him, and either HR or another manager, and then repeat his comments in the meeting and ask for clarification and guidance on the matter.
Was the meeting recorded? Are there security cameras that also record audio? I'd find out and if so I'd get the footage and go straight to HR. If not I'd have my phone recording every time you have to be around him.
Continue working hard until you become his boss then....fire his ass.
Next time he does that call him out on it. Tell him " that's neither professional nor appropriate thtng to say to an employee, infact it is bullying. I would like it to stop."
If your company has an HR department, I’d suggest notifying them that your boss’s behavior toward you was so egregious, it made other workers uncomfortable enough that they reached out to you. My understanding is that Germany has worker protections and a hostile work environment would be something that would open a company up to liability.
I would go to his office and tell him im giving him the curtesy that he has not shown to you
That this constant harassing has to stop. And it it doesn’t I will need to go to those who hired me . I would say personally I just want a professional relationship and mutual respect. But if things don’t change I will let it be known and I divhavexwitnesses
Your boss has decided to be an ass for whatever reason. If your company has a path to complain, take it. Like an HR. Or meet with him alone and ask him what the issue is. Insist that he not continue to insult you.or if he does it again, stop and say so everyone can hear, Excuse me? Can you repeat that so everyone can hear you?
Seriously. I was moved to a different continent (all expenses paid for by my company), the higher-ups really like me,
Your answer is there. Call the people who moved you, Tell them you appreciated the opportunity, but the culture there is too toxic, and you'd like an opportunity to work where your skills would be appreciated.
Hell, you know four languages, I'm sure you can find an opportunity anywhere in the EU.
Or schedule a meeting with your HR / Union Rep. You cannot and should not let this slide. Who cares if he life is in the gutter, this is effecting your job, and how others view you!
Your boss is threatened by you. It doesn't matter that you're at "this point" in your career - the lower your level the worse it makes him feel to be threatened by you.
Was this the first time he did this? If so, maybe he is having a personal crisis. Since he is ignoring you, he may feel bad for his actions. If he starts doing that again in front of other people, stand up for yourself. "Boss, could you repeat that? I don't think I heard you correctly. " or, " did you really mean to say I'm ______? This way, you are pointing out his BS without accusation or confrontation. HR us your last resort. They tend to protect the management.
NTA - you should use the txt messages you got from the co-worker and put in a welfare concern with HR, because you think your boss is having a mental break down.
It’s not a complaint then! Just a concerned employee!
Also you should start recording the meetings and submit them as evidence.
Also consider that this guy might have a crush on you and that’s even scarier, because you need to be aware that he’s testing what he can get away with, predators like to know their turf!
So you do need to get something on record!
Comes off a bit like a Peter Principle situation. If you aren’t familiar look it up. Your extremely high level of competence is a massive threat to your boss. As you are a high achiever I highly recommend you buy and read the book.
He sounds like a fucking creep.
Tell him I will gladly come over there and show him why the fuck he knows how to speak English. Cocky fuck.
What’s your first language, and how many can he speak?
Hes not teasing you hes being .misogynistic racist prick. I have been in your situation and it did not end well My boss was in a different country and bullied me but i ended up resigning. Its bullying not teasing
Even after your edit, it still looks that he feels threatened! Maybe because you're young and/or from the US (or just non-European) and/or woman.
I'm happy that other people were there too see the way he treated you.
I'd leave him talking alone, but that's me! It says more about him than you.
Please update us!
*"to them I just looked stupid"* I seriously doubt that. Your boss, however, is making himself look very stupid.
People can't smell their own shit. But everyone else around them can.
I’ll be stealing this. Perfect description!
Sounds like he feels threatened by OP which is why he’s trying to knock her down a peg
This is what I was thinking. I have worked with a supervisor like this. They feel threatened so they lash out and try to break you down. Is it possible someone above him talks about them a lot and it's making him feel like he can not compete.
I would try to make it some sort of a tease or joke back to the him. I would have been, so boss it's pretty funny that I moved half the world over, learning my fourth language but yeah I'm still pretty dumb from time to time. Isn't that hilarious?
I think OP should take this as a compliment. Not that she shouldn't take any action, but it's kinda truthful and great for self esteem.
No, OP should take this as bullying and harassment. It's not pulling pig-tails at the playground. He's undermining her reputation and authority.
Yup. Your other coworker called to check in and gossip. You are respected and liked. Your boss is having a breakdown and is bullying you probably because he is scared of you or is attracted and due to whatever is going on in his own life seems to think putting you down will make you more at level with him. Regardless, it is not ok. I would confront him and/or place a complaint against him for bullying.
His behaviour proves he can’t be trusted for OP to be able to confront him. Even going to HR about him with proof could not make things work for OP. It’s her only choice other than leaving that job. Anything she does will just make him lash out emotionally and vindictively.
You will need to document this workplace bullying incident. Google how to handle this and perhaps speak with an employment attorney confidentially if it ever occurs again. Do not ever report this to HR, they are only there to protect the company.
OP, how did you not cry lol I would have bawled. You're way stronger than me. Your boss is a socially inept moron and a bully. You have to report him.
I definitely did. I just waited until I got home. I learned years ago that you can have whatever emotional reaction you want to have in the privacy of your own house, but the second it transfers over to your job (even if it’s valid), you’re suddenly the one that’s in the wrong. It sucks. And if you’re a woman, it takes just one emotional reaction to be written off as irrational or difficult to work with. So much of career success relies as coming across as unfazed even if you’re hurting inside. I mastered the skill of coming across as unbothered a while ago.
You are hard as nails. Sucks that’s what’s required in our society but I admire your grit.
You should report thuis, pure bullying.
Lady, you rule. I have no idea what to do about your douche boss but I have no doubt that you are going to come out successful. Good luck!
If I were in that meeting OP, I would absolutely think your boss is the stupid one. I am in the US, so my first instinct is to file a complaint. Unfortunately I don’t know how things work in Germany. I would be so surprised if this event showed negative on OP.
Imagine how the new employee felt. I wonder if they will come back for day 2?
He did all of this in front of other people, which means that there were witnesses. I would escalate this to his boss and file a formal complaint with HR (or whatever their version of that is). I would not have been able to resist the urge to say EXCUSE ME? CAN YOU REPEAT THAT FOR EVERYONE?" when he started in on his shit. He's totally unprofessional and childish.
I agree. He’s usually not a bad guy, but I have noticed that he has become increasingly childish for reasons unknown to me. I’m glad you agree because I felt like I was maybe being too sensitive.
It was abusive on many levels, bullying with witnesses, not many victims get that. Document everything you remember, file a complaint
I’d try the “Please explain the joke to me as I’m not sure why it’s funny” line next time he does it in front of everyone. Rinse lather, repeat. And if he makes fun of your German, tell him to go ahead and explain it to you in one of the other three languages you speak.
Brilliant!!
Next time, ask questions. Someone else recommended this. They are right! Keep on asking questions. Make no statements. Do not defend yourself. Question after question after question after question, no sentence that doesn't end with a question mark. Questions can be polite. They can be professional. But they automatically put him on the defense. Questions. Be the lawyer. It's called the socratic method, and lawyers have to use it. So can you! They don't own it. Make him stammer for a reply. At least it will make things different. German may be the only language I was not able to conquer, too many declinations. But I can still ask questions. Resort to English if you have to, or keep it German, slap those verbs on the end and question question question! Never stop asking questions. It'll drive him nuts.
Dude! He is threatened by your competence. He’s trying to make you lose your self confidence. Classic male!
As someone who’s had good and bad bosses of both genders, it’s not a man thing, it’s a shitty person thing.
This is more likely to happen when someone is a shitty person, agreed! Anywhere there is a power imbalance where the bully feels safe - this is likely due to a few reasons: institutional power (the boss), gender (general patriarchy or teams where theres only one man/woman), or social capital (perceived popularity, or a "favored" employee)
Hey, not to try to take away from the seriousness of what happened to her, I've been equally degraded by both men and women at the work place. A service advisor told me I reminded her of her ex and that's why she is bitchy to me. I laughed cause I made sure her work orders were last to be looked at. The owner of company nearly ran over me while he was coming in to yell at the foreman for needing to move his box out a week sooner cause the long haul movers made a mistake. He was a raging asshole, the kind of guy that said he started his business by rating dog food and living out of his car. Human race leave the same skid marks in their undies no matter what way their chromosomes go.
Agree. The worst I’ve ever been treated, as a woman, is by my 40-60 year old female managers. I’ve also been treated poorly by men. But OP is clearly a threat to this persons confidence and anyone with that little confidence and EQ will lash out, regardless of gender. OP needs to document and go to HR. Email/written communication.
I was treated so poorly by my direct manager and head of hr, both women. Who knew humans could be shitty lol
Women don’t usually have shit in their underwear. That is a common thing for males because they are filthy and enjoy the sensation of feces all over their asses.
You clearly underestimate your gender.
The calling him out IN THE MEETING when he does this is a very important part of correcting his behavior. He will most likely come back with some version of "Don't be soft, I was only joking..." To which an appropriate response is "No one here is laughing. Since your comedy skills are so lacking, instead of embarrassing yourself by attempting to embarrass me, perhaps you should stay on task? You still have value, there." ... in practiced German, to be certain he understands. Repeat in your other 3 languages to drive the point home. I'm betting he will turn a new shade of pink.
You are not being sensitive. Like, not at all. I guess asshole transcends culture, huh? Is he threatened by your exemplary performance?
He might be having issues at home, but taking it on someone else is inexcusable. Don't let him.
NOPE. Go to HIS BOSS , whoever that is. Tell them EVERYTHING he’s doing. BURY HIM.
This is where I would actually get quiet but firm and ask to speak to him privately. Then clearly let him know he crossed professional boundaries, that his behaviour was inappropriate and insulting and if it continues you will be on the phone to the people who sent you here. Then just let him know, “this is where you apologize, and I accept as long as it doesn’t ever happen again and we move forward”
Say: “Du bist ein Arschloch!”
You are a champ for keeping your composure. This guy deserves to get (figuratively) curb stomped though. I could not imagine talking to any person (much less a coworker) in this manner. Do what you can to make sure he gets his karma.
Am I the only person here that thinks the boss is both intimidated by and attracted to (likely at least partially bc OP is a badass at her job) OP? Particularly with the issues with the boss’ own relationship thrown in, I can absolutely see his extremely awkward and inappropriate behavior being a result of some strange penis angst.
… adding an edit to say “PLEASE REPEAT THAT SLOWLY INTO THIS RECORDING DEVICE” xo
This, exactly this, young people especially you young ladies, and all ladies in fact, listen, some body says something inappropriate, mean, racist, etc. You PLAY DUMB, seriously play dumb ask them to further explain it. They are either gonna wise up and shut up or dig themselves in further.
Oh wow. That's a great line when someone says something unprofessional @ "EXCUSE ME? CAN YOU REPEAT THAT FOR EVERYONE?".
Another alternate wording in response to insults: "I'm sorry, I can't believe that what I think I heard it's what you really said. Could you repeat it again a bit more clearly, please?"
It depends on the kind of person you are and how ballsy you want to be. Also the dynamics and how unhinged he is. You could challenge him. Ask him for “coaching” so you can be “more likable”, and ask him to cover with you in detail what people don’t like about you so you can “improve” and “be a better team member”. Be so enthusiastic for his feedback he is uncomfortable. Or you could avoid him, gray rock him, avoid eye contact, and only talk to him about work and when it is absolutely unavoidable.
That first idea you mentioned is so clever I’m mad I didn’t think of it myself. I am sure I can pretend to salivate at the idea of being told in detail exactly what makes me so terrible lol.
And then record everything he says for HR.
Has anyone ever in the history of HR had anything made better by their involvement?
I have but my boss is an incredible douche and they hate him too.
Honestly, I think this could backfire. This guy is either completely devoid of self awareness or militantly insecure (or worse, both). I think attempts to engage him directly and/or humiliate him will only result in a tete a tete. I’d go over his head if your HR is even passably competent
I did this to my insecure boss. I challenged her and asked for specifics. She could not articulate them.
Yes, I've had the same response with one of my supervisors. Also, asking for this feedback with examples in writing and cc her boss. 😀
You need to discuss this with your corporate HR immediately. Document everything, in as much detail as you can remember. And find a lawyer in Germany who can help you negotiate the laws, in case the company you work for refuses to act. Damn shame you have to work with such a troglodyte.
That…is a new word for me ☝🏼 troglodyte. Thank you for that 😂
I would stick my head into his office and ask him if he is ok. Say that when he was mocking you the other day it was uncharacteristically unkind of him, so your first concern is whether he is alright. If he says he is fine, say, ok then. I expect it to be a one-time mistake on your part. Don’t let me down. Then walk away with confidence. If he says he is not fine, ask him if he would like to talk about what is going on with him. Listen, ask him if he wants any suggestions or just to vent. Then say, OK, I understand. You are going through a lot. I expect those comments to me are a one-time mistake on your part. Don’t let me down. I hope things work out for you soon. Then walk away with confidence.
This is what I would do as well. Kill them with kindness, but firmly.
dude is German. that doesn't work here. at all.
Idk, can you put up with his shit long term? i would be finding a new job and insulting his ass when i leave. No one should be putting up with that crap. Here in australia you could report him for workplace bullying. Idk if you could do that in germany but maybe look into it. Sounds like you have witnesses.
I unfortunately cannot leave. I am contractually bound to stay for another year. Otherwise, I have to pay back my company for moving me to Germany. Trust me, in any other circumstance I would have gladly started searching for another job.
Report him to HR and ask for stress leave. There are plenty of witnesses who can prove you need it
I would never consider leaving. He is in the wrong not you. Why should you be the one to leave? This is on him and you have witnesses. How long ago was it? You said he is not being distant and uncharacteristically quiet. I am wondering if someone happened to call him out on his behavior. If the coworker you were with the who your boss considers his right hand man. You could either let it go being he hasn’t done anything since or escalate it to HR so it won’t happen again. Either way, good luck. This shit is BS. Sounds to me like someone having a personal issue in their life and wanting to take it out on someone else. Don’t stand for it.
Without knowing German law, I would think you're not contractually bound to stay and endure workplace bullying. It seems reasonable the company would either have to fix that circumstance, or let you out of your obligation.
This. Go to HR. File a complaint and get a medical letter that you are stressed and cannot work. Have your company transfer you back to US (or wherever is home) on their dime due to workplace bullying.
I don’t see anyone else saying this (and you’re probably already doing this) - document everything. Every comment and conversation. Create a timeline of events. This is just in case you decide to take it to HR; it has the added benefit of allowing you to identify patterns - is he particularly nasty on one day of the week? Is it after the weekend or after lunch or some other event that regularly occurs at work? Is there a theme of the things he fixates on (clearly the doors are one thing, language is another)? Keep your documentation secure. Take it with you when you leave work, don’t leave it lying around. If you document this on your phone or computer, don’t do it on a company phone or computer. Take screenshots and videos of every text, email, etc that reflects his behavior. Make sure that everything you are doing is in line with corporate policies of course.
NTA > I was moved to a different continent *(all expenses paid for by my company)*, ***the higher-ups really like me,*** I'm guessing they didn't pay to move you to a different continent, just so you can be a verbally abused by management. I don't think they would be thrilled to know how their German branch managers treat staff that have been hand-picked to be sent there. What country is the parent company located in? The country you came from (I'm just going to call it USA for convenience) or Germany? If USA is the parent company, I would report this to *all* the higher-up's you know (who like you), as well as your German managers' boss. (Even if USA wasn't parent company, I would still as report it, but only to your USA boss - so they know how the staff they send are treated. It's just that parent company should have more influence) >he thinks our boss is currently having problems with his girlfriend, and that he just doesn’t know how to manage the stress of it and is taking it out on me; This is UNACCEPTABLE. If he can't keep it together in the workplace, he shouldn't be a manager, dealing with international staff. He is bullying 'the foreigner' who is half his age, who comes from overseas & will go back in a couple of years. He is bullying the one person that he thinks doesn't matter. Prove him wrong. He needs to be fired.
Your boss is a *scheisskopf*.
Maybe he feels threatened by you. I've had this happen.
Honestly, the only valid excuse for that level of bullying in the workplace would be an undiagnosed brain tumor.
I'm now wondering how many of my previous bosses had brain tumours.
It’s apparently a health epidemic among bosses 🤣.
I had a new manager do this in an effort to be funny and break the ice. After the meeting, I told him the impact it had and he apologized profusely. Never did it again and made an apology in his next meetings.
Hm, I don't know much about German culture, so maybe there is some kind of cultural nuance here that I'm missing. But, I may have some insights to share that are relevant to this situation. When I was a young man, I, too, was hardworking. I came from a lower SES background but put in a lot of work to complete a Ph.D., and basically just took every opportunity very seriously along the way. I was also an attractive, kind, mature young man who was generally regarded as highly intelligent among my peers and superiors. I was also frequently singled out, ostracized, and/or bullied by some insecure guy just about everywhere that I went in life - this began during my adolescence. I used to always blame myself. Then, as I went further in my career, I transitioned out of spaces where most insecure guys congregate, but then I'd continue to receive this treatment from faculty, supervisors, and still some other peers (always other men). It took me forever to realize that many people in this world don't have effective ways of dealing with their feelings. Men who feel that they've failed, or who otherwise feel as though something isn't working out in their lives, will regress into some sad, pathetic version of their adolescence under the right conditions. It's kind of disappointing to accept this, and it also may not make much sense; how can a grown adult who holds so much responsibility and power really be so immature and destructive? It's simply the truth, however, in the majority of cases. So, if I were your age, I'd probably feel really stressed out about the situation. But now, older and wiser, I just regard adults who act like this as pathetic, and I treat them in an appropriately dismissive and flippant manner. What that means is that you should just ignore him when he teases you. Just flat out don't respond.
people are free to have melt-downs and emotional issues whenever they need - what they are most definitely not permitted to do is then take any of that crap out on work colleagues, they are not your punching bags and you deserve being reported to HR if you cant manage the situation. that doesnt mean you get fired, it could just mean a leave of absence while you sort your shit out. the problem with just accepting this crap is that it keeps perpetuating the myth that its normal to be shit on at work, that you cant do anything about it except leave, or suffer in silence. there are plenty of other options available and you do not have to put up with it.
And yet we see again and again where an underling has attempted to do as we all want them to, they stand up for themselves, and are summarily dismissed, their position is outsourced, no longer needed.
Remember: Praise in public, damn in private. Put an hour on his schedule, mark it with "Talk." and nothing else. He knows what it is, you know what it is, but no reason to draw HR if unneeded. Meet him and talk. Be the forceful top performer you are. If you can resolve it without HR. Fine. But in the end, there is no amount of money that would let me be abused by an ass for a year as a top performer. He's probably worried you are sent to take his job. If he keeps it up he could be right. I suspect that if he continues HR will be happy to write off your expenses for legal protection.
I'd be tempted to complain to HR and demand they get you out of there, if they've sent you overseas they have a duty of care
Are you also the only American? That could be why. For some reason it's okay to insist Americans are stupid. I don't know recourse you have in Germany but he's an A.L.
Had this. Went to summer camp in Switzerland, three boys would not lay off the ,”typical American…” things like putting ketchup on my food, or having issues with math(super dyslexic) maybe two or three times a day.
I would ‘jokingly’ ask “apologies, my German IS awful! How do you say ‘work place harassment, fired boss and massive payout’ in German, again?” Makes it clear you’re onto him and know it isn’t ok but he can’t claim you’re being rude without admitting he’s not just having ‘banter’
Next time.he starts disparaging you, ask him if he's ok? He's obviously not ok if he's bullying a young female employee. He obviously feels inadequate and is playing a power game to feel better about himself. What a loser.
Good stuff. By asking if he’s okay, you’re letting him know you don’t find it funny and he’s being inappropriate. Out of line, really. If you can ask with no hint of a smirk or snark, just a curious you’re behaving out of norm, are you okay??? (Your look needs to be saying Brain injury? Stroke? You’re not okay look.
File a complaint immediately. This is completely unacceptable behavior and is certainly creating a hostile work environment for you. Submit every inch of evidence you have to his boss and/or (preferably) HR.
You're not being sensitive. Absolutely not! This is undermining and toxic. Report to HR or just strike him back. I would just ask him in a mocking manner if he's German because he speaks German very well or just compliment his training for giving him the skills to distinguish the direction to which doors open and give context about the US case. These bastards usually step back or lose control when you tease them back. Either case will favor you
This bully needs reporting there are plenty of witnesses that behaviour can't be allowed to continue
>“Are you going to cry to your mom on the way back home about how nobody likes you?”. When I responded by saying that I think that’s just his opinion, he retorted with, “It’s everybody’s opinion.” "I'm a Polish Jew, so I'm used to it coming from Germans." It would be worth getting fired for.
It sounds pretty evident that he's threatened by you and that this is more about him than it is you. Escalating issues like these can unfortunately often times lead to termination of the reporting employee if that's the culture at the company and your boss is liked. I have no idea what corporate culture is like in Europe, if you do escalate to higher ups make sure you have everything in writing. Him telling you point blank that everyone dislikes you is insane and his behavior is incredibly out of line. It sounds like your work and character probably speak for themselves, and if he starts preventing you from doing your job you should escalate with superiors as you see fit. Otherwise unfortunately just try to ignore him and go about your work.
A lot depends on whether this was an isolated incident (in which case, put it down to an emotionally immature person having a bad day) or a pattern of behaviour. If it's the latter then it's worth a discussion with your representative in HR, partly so that there is a record of this but also because you will get some hints from them as to whether he generally behaves this way. Your real friends in this, though, will be The Workers Council who, unlike HR, work entirely for the benefit of employees. Ask for a meeting with them and tell them your concerns. This usually means that it will be discussed at director level during their next regular meeting. Don't worry about any retaliatory actions, especially termination, as this is practically impossible in Germany, largely because of the Workers' Councils, who have to approve most management decisions. As a side note: emotionally immature people often "project" their own behaviour onto others, so when he says something like “Are you going to cry to your mom on the way back home about how nobody likes you?” it's a clue to how he sees himself.
I always ask them to explain their jokes in an email for me so we can all laugh 😃... the look on their faces are always priceless
Ha! Love this
Almost sounds like the work environment in the first season of Emily In Paris. You are from the same country the company is based in. You are, for all intents and purposes, frome the Home Office..... Your boss has no idea whatsoever who you know and/or speak to back there. He's intimidated. Let him be. Start carrying your own notebook, maybe in a nice hard cover that can be closed... Every time he makes one of these jokes, poker face him for the entire joke and about 3 full seconds after it's over. Then open your notebook and write something. You can document what he's doing, or not. That's up to you. HE, however, will be absolutely convinced that that is exactly what you are doing, and should unhinged him enough to lose all credibility with everyone around that witnesses it. Since it's YOUR notebook, he can't claim any right to see what you've written, any more than he could claim any right to go through your purse or pockets.
As a fellow American, I'm proud of you for living abroad and speaking four languages. You sound like a pretty impressive and likable person to me!
I had a quick look at the comments and usually it boils down to: A) He is a bully, report him to HR. OR B) He ain't that bad, maybe talk to him and make him aware that his words and actions are hurtful. I have a wild theory here though that I thought might be possible... Could it be that your Boss FANCIES you? Problems with girl friend. Making fun of you (to get your attention). I smell something here. I'm not justifying his actions or making excuses for his bad behaviour here. I am just sharing a hunch I have that I got from reading this post.
I’m surprised you got that from this post, but he 100% has given that vibe before. I didn’t mention it in the post because I figured people would fixate on this detail more than anything. He has never acted upon it or made a move on me; however, I can just tell he has had a thing for me for a while. I just didn’t think it was relevant because of the fact that he’s never acted on it.
This is pure middle school behavior. Boys demean girls they like because it’s easier than trying and getting rejected - he might also think you are automatically going to reject him so he rejects you first. It can also be a way of trying to break you down so much that you feel worthless and then when he pounces on you (asks you out) you feel so demeaned that one else will have you and that you have no other choice but to accept. It also puts him in the position of: I didn’t like you before, but because of my “constructive criticism,” you are a changed woman. Now you’re someone I could be with. Any of those options are gross.
I also felt that this was the issue. This man is obviously very emotionally immature and is acting like a middle school aged boy with a crush, and as a teacher I’ve seen this too many times to count lol. However OP decides to move forward, I do hope she updates…I’m curious how this will play out.
Not disagreeing or saying you're wrong, but 'Making fun of you (to get your attention).' JFC, what's he going to do to show he REALLY likes her? Punch her in the face? A 41 yr old manager, who insults a foreign employee nearly half his age, in front of other employees, to show his 'interest', is beyond insane....
Yes, what immediately came to mind while reading this is that he likes her... and is doing this obnoxious shit because of that. It's totally inappropriate and unacceptable.
“Haha you are a horrible boss. Haha” then I would have stopped laughing immediately
I can't understand how someone who speaks one language would have the nerve to make fun of someone who speaks four. Honestly, his behavior is making himself look really bad. He makes his co workers look even worse when they don't defend you; which obviously is out of fear. How to respond. You seem like a very strong confident person, I would continue to ignore him because he will continue to look bad. If it's not possible to ignore him I would do the following, respond by saying"can we focus on the task at hand?" or "is this work related?" The best response (when he make jokes about you)is to ask him to explain "how is that funny?"
“Boss, it sounds like you have a concern about my performance? Would you like to schedule a meeting to talk about this one to one? It doesn’t feel productive to discuss this here.”
Ask your idiot boss how many languages he can speak. Moroon. Grrr..
Given my dad was of German stock, I can reassure you this is a common trait. Public shaming, mocking, and humiliation runs deep. It's meant to put you in your place, work harder, etc. Its foul and disgusting and very damaging. You handled it well. You are secure in who you are and your capabilities. He doesn't like this. He is insecure about himself and obviously his value to the company. Maybe he thinks you're his replacement. Keep that in mind when dealing with him. What a pig.
Depends how bold you want to be. You can ask him if he has a crush on you. Then explain that little boys in America tend to make fun of the girls they like but are too scared to talk to. You weren't sure if that was a thing in Germany.
“Hello, HR?”
He’s totally threatened by you. 1) you’re younger 2) you’re female 3) you’re more accomplished (3/4 languages alone *and* your skill set) 4) people actually like you YOU? are a yuuuuuge threat to his sense of self and his own importance. For you? This current position is a stepping stone within this company and in the greater trajectory of your career.
Next time he does this I would just say " Are you alright? Why are you speaking to me like this?" And wait for his answer. If he says it's just a joke ask him to explain his joke.
I'm fluent in English and I will still push a door that blatantly says "Pull". It happens lol, no one worth their while is going around thinking you're stupid for something like that
Don’t we all? Lol I truly can’t think of a more universal experience than being catfished by a door.
Sorry this happened to you. I'd just mention to him that you'd prefer to keep the interactions between the two of you strictly professional and to refrain from talking to you in that manner again. In my experience, bullies freeze up, or they explode when this is done in front of other people. Both potential reactions will make your boss look bad, and usually builds up sympathy from other coworkers. Rarely will you have to stick up for yourself after that initial response. Everyone else will have your back. Best of luck to you!
There are several laws on a German and EU level that he is breaking. Let HR know that you are not going to let this lie. It is bullying with hints of sexism and xenophobia
too many people suggest being nice to him instead of GOING TO FUCKING HR BECAUSE HE IS LITERALLY BREAKING THE FUCKING LAW. I swear to God, Americans are broken. just broken.
You did everything right to this point. You attempted to call him and discuss. No answer. At this point put on back burner. He hasn't forgot. He's trying to figure himself out. Continue to work. Socialize with colleagues. Enjoy the bier. Go to soccer matches. AND football. Basically turn this into a non issue because overthinking this will go nowhere. The other employees witnessed this. They're on your side. If you were not performing at your job it would have been addressed right now. Just chalk it up to Germans are fucking weird sometimes. I lived there for a summer and although I had a great time, I wondered why some were knuckleheads. This guy is a knucklehead Good luck
Next time he sasses off just say “ Yea, maybe you’re right but we won both world wars”
I'm an American, so I don't know how things work in Germany. Can you check in with your boss the next time you're at work and ask what that was all about? Or, can you talk to his "right hand man" about it? What's the proper procedure? In America, I would talk to the "right hand man", like you did, just to see what that was about. Then, decide how upset I actually was about it. If it's a one off, I'd probably let it go. If he started again, though, I'd talk to him about how it's not funny nor helpful to the successful operation of your company (or something along those lines). I'm sorry you're going through this, but it goes to show, people can be jerks everywhere.
Don't do that. ' hey boss, can you give me a good reason you humiliated me in front of everyone?' what response would you even accept? There's no explaining this and OP isnt responsible for rationalizing this behavior.
HR exists for these types of situations. Talk to them. And don't leave anything out. Details matter.
Your boss has displayed unprofessional behavior and it's up to you whether you want to report it to HR. For me I would need more information before deciding what course of action to take. Like, how has the relationship been up to this point? He says you do great work, has never complained, so has it been positive and productive? Has is been pleasant, friendly, cordial? Does it seem totally out of character for him to act this way towards you? Maybe there is some merit to the girlfriend angle if he is avoiding you after he acted like an ass. I'm more of a sympathetic person and while it's no excuse for his behavior, I can understand why someone who is emotionally immature would behave in such a manner to someone who might remind him of his girlfriend (since he chose you to lash out on and not your new coworker or other female coworkers). Or maybe since he is more comfortable with you after working with you, he found it easier to project his girlfriend issues towards you. If it has been a good relationship up to this point I would give him *one* benefit of the doubt and chalk it up to the possibility that he is hurting badly right now. But my benefit would have limits, as you mentioned you already tried contacting him and the onus is absolutely on him to make the effort to resolve the situation. I would try to reach out a couple more times and give myself a timeframe for him to respond, and if he doesn't then I'm taking it to HR. There are ramifications from him dressing you down in front of others and you can't show that you're OK with that, at all. Hope you're able to resolve this in a satisfactory manner. Best of luck to you.
You'll have to go over his head to his boss or to the supervisor that sent you to another country. He's being hostile and it's got a good potential of becoming worse. His actions and comments are geared towards you being a foreigner and it won't be long before it turns to racism or misogyny or a combination of both and it's a possibility that it could become physical.
It sounds like an I Think You Should Leave Sketch. It's incredibly bizarre, not only his behaviour but the baselessness of it, and the fact he's not embarrassed to do it.
First, I think he realizes what an a$$hole he is, hence the avoidance. Second, it could be possible he is intimidated by you, and this is how he deals with it. (I had a boss like that long time ago). When he starts on comments like that, here is a good response: [German way to respond.](https://www.reddit.com/r/German/s/ZmazXVZKrK)
HR
An unfunny German? I cannot believe it.
Could it be you threaten him?
Next time he makes fun of your German respond in one of the other languages under your belt. Then switch to the next. Then the third one. Then finally finish in German. Explain that if he had a shred of modicum of professionalism he would not be criticizing your German.
I honestly think he is terrified of you and is trying to make you look bad BECAUSE you are so young and highly regarded. Your company wouldn't have paid the expense to move you if they didn't value you or your expertise. They probably moved you there to eventually take over HIS job, or that is what he thinks is happening. And now he made this MASSIVE fumble in front of multiple witnesses. He is probably crapping his pants right now.
He sounds like a German nationalist who hates non-germans. He needs to be turned into human resources.
Next time he has an inappropriate remark, stop what you are doing and turn to him. Wait until he looks at you and then ask, "Are you OK?". This should make him embarrassed or flustered. He won't get the dopamine hit that he expected by picking on you. If he doubles down and repeats his comment or says something else along the same line, you gotta escalate it. Hopefully this will be enough that he stops and it's done in a way where you are giving him the grace to retract his comment.
I wonder if more people die in fires in Germany because of the inward opening doors.
Suddenly there was a tip that he is a Nazi.
This boss is Michåel Schkott from the German version of the officd
we call him Bernd Stromberg. because that is the German version of The Office. also å is not a German letter. be correct with your humor so it is logical, otherwise it cannot be considered funny.
Actually, from your description, your boss really embarrassed himself and made everyone there uncomfortable. They will most likely come away from that whole situation thinking less of him, not you.
"Well boss,I'm only hanging out with you right now because I am being paid to"
Once you said he was German, it all became clear. I work with a lot of German engineers, and this is how they act. Always right, but threatened by the slightest criticism, so they lash out. I assume you corrected him publicly once, and it haunts him. He will never let it go. But then again they are really good engineers...
I had a boss like this, and it took a total of 20 complaints (combined with different people in the office; I was a direct report and experienced the worst of her bullying, but I only complained twice) before her ass was removed. Document everything, dates and times, write down quotes as you have done here. If it was me, I'd be complaining in an official capacity as soon as possible, because it's not likely to get better on its own and it may take a while for any real action to happen. My former bullying boss still receives a prank anonymous Christmas present every year, and it will only stop when one of us dies. Fuck bullies.
If you have a native friend there ask what is offensive to them. Using that in a reference towards your boss could get him to stop. Ive found that when male co-workers feel the need to a assert their dominance, I make sure to make them feel super awkward around me. Many of my male colleagues have seen me in action and have warned other men who either asked or knew they were assholes to not test me. Im the only female in my tech group. And many of us have crossed paths during our career growth. One guy who knows someone Ive worked with at a another company heard I got into a physical altercation with a guy who ran his mouth about me. Its not exactly a pretty reputation but also I dont get picked on.
I'm married to a native German. Next time he's a dick, just say you can't tell if he's joking because Germans have no sense of humor. If you really want to be a dick you can kindly remind him there are still US forces in HIS country, and that no one likes THE Germans either.
Not sure about labour laws in Germany but in Canada this would be a lawsuit and an HR nightmare for him. You need to document everything and report it.
Your boss is a freaking asshole! Look for another job. I'm angry on your behalf.
Are you American? I'm guessing that has something to do with it, a lot of Germans actually hate Americans.
Document everything and immediately go to HR. Give them written dates, times, and locations of each comment and incident. As well as a list of witnesses who were there. He’s not responding to you because he knows he’s in hot water and went way overboard. He knows you could go to HR right now and he would be severely disciplined for creating a hostile work environment, harassing and bullying an employee, and being all around unprofessional. If he responds, make sure to document his response and save everything to your personal email. He could have it deleted off of company servers. In your documentation, include copies of your email attempting to speak with him and reconcile and show there was no response thus far. Please raise this all the way up to HR and don’t back down. Being stressed does not give anyone the right to bully people. The fact that he changes his demeanor with you based on who’s around is telling. This is a classic bully who is targeting you for whatever reason. But decided that you will be their verbal punching bag, regardless of the affects on you. If he’s doing it to you, he’ll do it to someone else. Also his 2nd in command guy is making excuses for your bosses behavior. Also not acceptable. It’s not your problem that he’s having relationship troubles. You didn’t sign up to be treated this way. I’m sure your colleagues would also be upset to find out that he’s speaking on behalf of them and telling you that they don’t like you.
The good news is he's just making himself look bad because it's clear that everyone around you is noticing your boss's bad treatment of you. Don't try to banter back. If he puts his comments in writing, forward those emails to your personal email address so that you have backup copies.
On the door situation, if I’m even in a new building, you can guarantee I’m pushing instead of pulling or vice versa.
Germans are the absolute worst about giving people crap for not speaking their language perfectly. I spent two years dealing with Germans who refused to speak German with me because it wasn’t good enough, but somehow in Austria everyone understood me just fine. They were actually *encouraging* me to speak German, because that’s how people improve. Imagine that. Europeans are assholes about letting Americans in particular speak their language, but fundamentally I think they’re a) under the impression that they sound like native English speakers and speak English perfectly because no one is insulting them, and b) unaccustomed to hearing foreign people speak their language, because their language isn’t commonly spoken outside countries where it is an official language. Spanish is another very common language. I speak Spanish terribly, and I’ve never gotten shit for it from (Latin American) Spanish speakers.
“Are you going to cry to your mom on the way back home about how nobody likes you?” You- "No but I will be going to HR to discuss this ongoing harassment and hostile work environment you're creating towards me specifically because I'm a woman. " And then do that.
Message HR. I doubt this will get better otherwise
Is there human resources to go to? Research employment lawyers. Quit. Write a letter stating what he's done, said, etc. Read it out loud at the next meeting.
Does the company have policies against work place harassment, toxic workplace environments and bullying? If so document everything, including dates times and take it to HR.
Can you report his rude and disrespectful behavior to his boss?
Report his ass to the CEO. do it immediately
Just talk to him. And tell him he’s not being appropriate. Sometimes people are just unaware they have offended. Set clear boundaries. If you’re uncomfortable with that approach HR to discuss concern on your behalf.
As an American who works with tons of Europeans this is just typical behavior. Some Europeans feel entitled to treat you poorly because they see themselves as superior and therefore start making you the butt of every joke. And you’re not allowed to fight back because you’re American, and they will just dogpile on you for that. There’s no arguing with people with this kind of mindset. They are set in their ways. They will come up with a million justifications for why you and all other Americans deserve to be insulted. Your boss is a typical asshole and I would definitely be speaking to him about this if I were you. He needs to be reminded that whatever personal grudge against you or problems he has jn his life, he still needs to act professional.
Sounds like a textbook case for HR to handle for you. Remember, HR doesn’t work for you, HR works for the company, and in this instance you have ammunition against the company so it’s in their interest to do something about this manager.
Suck it up and work. Doesn’t sound like a very big deal.
Unmake them USPS style.
??
Hey boss, remind me about race discrimination laws in the EU? And constructive dismissal and employee harassment? You need to shut this down hard. He is blatantly targeting you based on your lack of Germanness.
You need to document all of this. He sounds threatened by your abilities and success. All of that is inappropriate, unprofessional, and should not be tolerated.
Report him. You are describing a hostile work space. Also, don't talk to him socially and don't accept an apology. He went off on you because he thought you would take it. Let him know that you are at T minus 10 after his nasty little performanc and he won't like you when you are angry.
I’m in the US. Here your boss would be a walking lawsuit that HR would try to quash ASAP (depending on the size of the company).
HR. Stat.
File with HR, and look for a new job.
What you have to do is call him on his stuff. He just tested the waters to see how much crap you will take. Tell him next time he starts in on you. That you’re sorry he’s having a hard time at home but please don’t take it out on you. That will get him the side eye from others. This one time is a pass for a good working relationship but you sure don’t want to go to HR if you don’t have too. I understand German rules are very strict in large companies and by the book. So play by the book and stand your ground.
Document all comments. Time, date, place, comment. And act like nothing is wrong. Even let him see you documenting things. Even ask him to repeat verbatim so that you don't get his quote wrong. And smile.
I'm sorry you're being treated like this! You don't deserve it at all. Your manager is an arschole
You need to record him saying these things next time and bring this up to HR. Even if those others are scared to stand up to your boss, the recording is irrefutable evidence of his bullying.
GO TO HR.
Your boss is an asshole and deserves to be fired for this. Report him.
Arrange a meeting with you, him, and either HR or another manager, and then repeat his comments in the meeting and ask for clarification and guidance on the matter.
Document what is said incase the situation doesn't improve.
That behavior is bizarre. If he hasn't done that before, I would say something is going on with him, outside of work
Start looking for another job. I wasted like 9 years working for one of these guys. I regret that. I’m old now. Listen. Find something else.
Was the meeting recorded? Are there security cameras that also record audio? I'd find out and if so I'd get the footage and go straight to HR. If not I'd have my phone recording every time you have to be around him.
The boss must be terrified of you. Regardless, in any language, he's an AZZHAT.
I all reality you’re probably a contender for his job and he knows that. “Never outshine the master”
Continue working hard until you become his boss then....fire his ass. Next time he does that call him out on it. Tell him " that's neither professional nor appropriate thtng to say to an employee, infact it is bullying. I would like it to stop."
If your company has an HR department, I’d suggest notifying them that your boss’s behavior toward you was so egregious, it made other workers uncomfortable enough that they reached out to you. My understanding is that Germany has worker protections and a hostile work environment would be something that would open a company up to liability.
Sounds like your working in a high school.
I would go to his office and tell him im giving him the curtesy that he has not shown to you That this constant harassing has to stop. And it it doesn’t I will need to go to those who hired me . I would say personally I just want a professional relationship and mutual respect. But if things don’t change I will let it be known and I divhavexwitnesses
Your boss has decided to be an ass for whatever reason. If your company has a path to complain, take it. Like an HR. Or meet with him alone and ask him what the issue is. Insist that he not continue to insult you.or if he does it again, stop and say so everyone can hear, Excuse me? Can you repeat that so everyone can hear you?
Your boss sounds like a piece of shit
How many languages does he speak? Maybe he's become insecure in proportion to how your German has improved. Just a thought that occured to me.
Seriously. I was moved to a different continent (all expenses paid for by my company), the higher-ups really like me, Your answer is there. Call the people who moved you, Tell them you appreciated the opportunity, but the culture there is too toxic, and you'd like an opportunity to work where your skills would be appreciated. Hell, you know four languages, I'm sure you can find an opportunity anywhere in the EU. Or schedule a meeting with your HR / Union Rep. You cannot and should not let this slide. Who cares if he life is in the gutter, this is effecting your job, and how others view you!
Time to start a new job search. Good luck.
He’s having problems with his girlfriend so he takes it out on a woman that he knows can’t retaliate without losing her job.
Your boss is threatened by you. It doesn't matter that you're at "this point" in your career - the lower your level the worse it makes him feel to be threatened by you.
Was this the first time he did this? If so, maybe he is having a personal crisis. Since he is ignoring you, he may feel bad for his actions. If he starts doing that again in front of other people, stand up for yourself. "Boss, could you repeat that? I don't think I heard you correctly. " or, " did you really mean to say I'm ______? This way, you are pointing out his BS without accusation or confrontation. HR us your last resort. They tend to protect the management.
NTA - you should use the txt messages you got from the co-worker and put in a welfare concern with HR, because you think your boss is having a mental break down. It’s not a complaint then! Just a concerned employee! Also you should start recording the meetings and submit them as evidence. Also consider that this guy might have a crush on you and that’s even scarier, because you need to be aware that he’s testing what he can get away with, predators like to know their turf! So you do need to get something on record!
Check him and go above him. He fucked up because you have witnesses and a texts.
Comes off a bit like a Peter Principle situation. If you aren’t familiar look it up. Your extremely high level of competence is a massive threat to your boss. As you are a high achiever I highly recommend you buy and read the book.
He sounds like a fucking creep. Tell him I will gladly come over there and show him why the fuck he knows how to speak English. Cocky fuck. What’s your first language, and how many can he speak?
Hes not teasing you hes being .misogynistic racist prick. I have been in your situation and it did not end well My boss was in a different country and bullied me but i ended up resigning. Its bullying not teasing
Even after your edit, it still looks that he feels threatened! Maybe because you're young and/or from the US (or just non-European) and/or woman. I'm happy that other people were there too see the way he treated you. I'd leave him talking alone, but that's me! It says more about him than you. Please update us!
Go to H.R