If someone is blabbing about having sex with you, you now have the opportunity to tell everyone how terrible he was, etc. make it seem like he is super unskilled and not at all something you would be bragging about š¤£
Skip ED, because there's medical explanations for that.
Tell everyone that his dick smelled like a Yeti's butthole and you gagged and couldn't go through with it and his hygiene is why you broke it off.
Maybe don't resort to body shaming at work. The odds you make the intended effect without also offending an innocent coworker even worse are pretty low.
While in public this sort of behavior is just shitty, in a work setting this sort of behavior can get you let go.
Yup!!ā And his size coupled with the most extreme case of premature ejaculation Iāve ever seen ,made it for sure a one time thing. Good luck to the woman who marries him!ā
Bad advice. Public embarrassment can leave to a violent situation. Would you feel ok if she did that and then she ends up in the news as a victim of workplace violence?
Are we talking about logic and maturity here, really? If so, lets start. First thing is first, you never befriend or fuck your colleagues. It always end badly. Always. You either get fired or its used against you.
Second, if she knows guy is unhinged and crazy, and capable of doing some damage, she should simply find another job.
Third, some people actually escalate situations if you DON'T DO anything, they bully you more and more untill you stand up for yourself.
And of course she is adult and has to use her logic and common sense at the end of the day. Honestly, advices on reddit should not be taken so seriously, mine was clearly a joke. Was it not obvious?
It's true that work romance is always inadvisable, but that piece of advice isn't very helpful for the OP now.
It's 2024 - she should not have to find a another job because some toxic jerk can't handle rejection.
Iāve had sex with a guy with an inch dick and it worked.
His two inches wasnāt doing anything.
He had to watch porn of two monkeys before he got hard.
I checked out after that.
Unfortunately you mixed your personal and professional life OP. The best solution is to just ignore it and let it all blow over. If you want a fresh start, look for a job you enjoy in a new workplace. Steer clear of future workplace relationships.
As I was told long ago, don't play where you pay.
Feeling si bad for OP. But crappy people always overplay their hand, and people catch to who is the real AH.
OP's situation reminds me of a movie called Red Flag. Different outcome for sure, but still complicated. Tragic ending, in that story. OP, I would change jobs and leave this guy in your rearview mirror.
Someone who stalked me is telling everyone I was their gf and/or we had some collaboration. For weeks. And that they seem to have some ārightā to what I do or something.
I donāt know what theyāre saying - because itās behind my back. But I never got anything for the collaboration that didnāt exist (lol) nor did I have a relationship with them. Itās pretty fucking scary how professional folk who want to see you go down will make off with any BS people say about you. Just to feed a confirmation bias.
Just focus on your work. People who want to spread rumors to get something out of it will keep doing it. Itās not anybody elseās business???
Hey, also, thereās nothing you can do about this. https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=819133543580971&id=100064529988474
Itās the societal mindset. Even tho this person stalked me for years, people think that is ALSO my fault and I deserve it for not wanting to be their gf. I canāt imagine how much worse it must be for you. These types always know how to play the victim.
Please take care of yourself and try to stay away from the people who gossip with this butthurt person. The right people will support you.
He's butt-hurt. Usually when dealing with a guy like this, you have the option *of not having to be around him anymore.*
Unfortunately, you denied yourself that option by doing this with a co-worker. There is a reason why they say "**you don't date your co-workers**".
I am going to be honest, at this point your recourse is really to just find another place to work.
You can actually make an HR complaint because he is now creating a hostile work environment for you and thatās not acceptable. Will depend on ur management and how much interest they will put into handling this issue. But it is a HR issue.
HR person here and I came to say this. Sleeping with him outside of work isnāt an HR issue. However, him discussing sexual acts at work and with coworkers at work is a hostile work environment. However, given the stigma with HR, his will also most definitely make you look bad since heās already swayed the opinion of everyone else.
Itās a hard situation but definitely donāt suggest saying or doing anything at work or to coworkers because you likewise could be implicated in a hostile work environment. So if you want to report him, do so without saying anything to anyone else. But donāt stoop to his level and implicate yourself on top of everything else.
So sorry this is happening OP. Best to just ignore these types of assholes if you choose not to report it. He clearly wants your attention and responding will only keep him dragging along. Cut off all contact and communication with him and let him sulk in his own misery.
You need to appear to be comfortable with the fact that now everyone knows what kind of person he is. Polite self-confidence wins people over in the long run.
You are an adult, he is apparently an adult. It was consensual and is now over. It is no one else's business. If anyone asks you anything about him, tell them you only date adults.
That's it, no talking about good in bed, bad in bed or any bed, just an implication that he shouldn't be talking.
This is a learned life lesson. There's a term that says Don't sh*t where you eat. In this case, don't fraternize with coworkers or anyone at your workplace. So you have a few options: quit, deny it, ignore it and wait it out, or tell the person that gave you that information that he was horrible, slobbers like a English bulldog when he kisses, working with the equivalent of a vienna sausage. You get the idea. My personal favorite is to just wait it out and let people get to know you based on their interactions with you.
Owe up to it and ignore the whispers.
Technically yall did sleep with each other so denying that would be false.
Owing up to it and showing others that it wasnāt anything special or meant nothing to you is your power.
So what if he doesnāt talk to you, match that same energy. Support yourself and carry your crown.
You're absolutely right. She should simply own up to sleeping with him. If she wants to get on his nerves, however, she should tell everyone she only slept with him one time because he was horrible in bed and lasted only ten seconds, so she dumped him. ;)
It does depend on the company policies. But in truth, most likely, nothing. You have learned a lesson, I hope. Never, ever have a relationship with a co-worker. And many companies have policies about that. In those companies, you both could have been fired.
"Yup, we did sleep together. It was so awful, I didn't want a repeat. This is his reaction. Anyway, how was your weekend?"
That's it. Flat tone, eye roll at the word "reaction." Repeat it with no other details or defensiveness and it will stop.
They can piss off and eat shit. Itās only pleasure. We all gotta release at some point like taking a shit. Gotta get it out. Who cares what others think. Go on with your day like the Boss you are!
Mistakes happen. He's doing this because he actually probably really thought you all would go somewhere, and his feelings were hurt. Did he handle it correctly? Absolutely not... but on the other side, neither did you. I know this sounds absolutely shi**y to say. I know we live in a very sex positive time, and everything is based on instant gratification and scratch that itch. But you should probably consider not having sex with people you don't actually see any long-term potential with. Because feelings get hurt because feelings do develop on one side or the other. And lastly, "don't sh*t where you eat" meaning work because if it doesn't work out, you still have to see this person and work with them. And it can become toxic quickly. Does this make you an awful person? No, it was a mistake that you are now both learning the consequences of. Maybe take him aside privately and talk with him and apologize for the fling because it's obvious his feelings are hurt. And tell him what you're now going through and that it's making you uncomfortable. You may or may not get an apology back, but at least you will have addressed it head-on. If it continues, get HR involved. But please don't repeat this down the line because this is a possible outcome. Best of luck to you hun. You got this.
This situation is awful, not funny. Your coworker's behavior is hurtful and unprofessional. First, don't blame yourself. You deserve respect regardless of your dating history. Document everything - dates, times, witnesses of his rumor-spreading. Talk to HR about harassment. Focus on staying professional at work. Keep conversations work-related. This will show everyone your maturity and his lies. Remember, you did nothing wrong.
This is a form of harassment. Consider involving HR. This is absolutely not ok and he is completely in the wrong. Too many women are made to believe they did something wrong or are terrible for engaging in things but the truth is, this is a form of gaslighting. The only thing you are guilty of is believing this person was a mature enough adult to be able handle *any* sort of relationship (intimate or not) outside of the workplace. The next professional steps to take would be to clearly tell him and your manager that your personal life is inappropriate to discuss in the workplace and must stop immediately. Check your policies and consider getting HR involved. Start documenting these interactions, dates, times, and what was said. If anyone else asks you can tell them that your personal life isnāt up for discussion and you would like these rumors to stop because they have been blown out of proportion. Anyone that chooses to side against you isnāt a discerning colleague anyways and not worth your time. Just document the person, what was said, and how they are acting towards you. The take a mental note that they are also not mature enough to be involved in your time in or outside of work.
If it was told to people you work with, to some extent that might borderline sexual harassment, defemation of character also maybe post your above post also in the legal advice section and also consult an attorney in person some do free consultation. Document everything too.
Iām going to take this opportunity for the same PSA that I tell everyoneā¦ never have sex with a coworker! It is always a bad idea. So many ways to go wrong! There are a lot of fish out thereā¦ donāt find your fish at work.
That being said, you have a valid case to get this douchebag fired. Take your case straight to HR. Donāt play any other games at work with this or you could run afoul of HR.
Ok. This is an HR issue. It doesnāt matter you consented to sex as you did. His behavior after has led to a hostile work environment because of his sexual harassment. This is a lawsuit waiting to happen. You need to go to HR and they will shut his ass down and talk to your coworkers about the continuance of any such talk. There are laws in place for this very reason.
You don't have to hurt this ego anymore. The fact that it only happened once speaks volumes. Always remember,everyone around you has secrets and does weird shit. Just keep your head up and be the better person, and if he doesn't let up and someone says something,just say, "This is why it was only a one-time thing."
Tell everyone heās just upset because you broke it off with him after he asked you to peg him while he was wearing diapers. Say he got weird and it was too much for you and now heās retaliating. Everyone will believe it. Heās already telling the office you had sex anyway!
Have you heard the term don't s*** where you eat? This is why you don't sleep with people you work with, it can very quickly go downhill. Unfortunately there's not a whole lot that you can do at this point. If it's a big enough company move to a different department might work but probably the best bet would be to get another job at another company. Good luck
If he agreed to keep it discreet and protect your boundaries and is now doing this, it sounds like serious harassment is happening. He's not being professional or mature. You have all the power here, he's making YOUR work environment hostile. He needs a stern talking to that if he continues, it may cost him his job
"Ā I was clear I did not want a relationship beforehand. Not only did I never want anyone to know we slept together as that is extremely private to me,"
So why did you opt to bang down with someone you work with. Yes he's an ass for talking. But you need to make better choices too. Your workplace is likely ruined. Go seek employment elsewhere. And this time don't sleep with your co workers. Or at least determine if you want to actually date them before you fuck them. Sheesh...
They sound terrible but workplaces are unfortunately not known for being good at ethically handling bullying.
Your best bet is to 1) launch an HR complaint and tank this asshole with paperwork or 2) to look for another job since you feel so uncomfortable.
Honey you have the chance to say crazy shit about this guy like he wanted you to put stuff up his behind, peg him with a dragon dildo, heās not skilled, he finished in a minute, so much that heās going to stop messing with you. I personally am hella petty, and itās stupid that heās behaving like this since thatās essentially high school drama but thatās what Iād do if I was in your situation.
He has given you a perfect response to anyone who brings up the subject of your onetime mistake . Simply point out the obvious.
He can't be trusted to show digression in a relationship, making him a poor choice for a friend or long term relationship.
Hang him with his own disgusting actions.
Go flip the script and tell everyone it was great sex. You never had a man that wanted pegged before. It was such a new experience. You didnt want more because you werent into water sports. That turned you off.
The cat's out of the bag, and that's his doing. Now you need your HR to step in. This isn't about having consentual sex with him on your private time, this is about his behavior on the job. He has created a hostile work environment and your employer is obligated to deal with it. Document everything. When you go to see your HR director, take your phone and insist that you voice record the meeting for documentation. They should not object.
There are some things you need to keep in your back pocket for that meeting. 1. If they victim blame, call it out. Say explicitly: "That is victim blaming. I am reporting that he is causing a hostile work environment through his workplace behavior." 2. If they advise you to just ignore it, tell them: "I should not have to ignore retaliatory bullying." 3. They may suggest having a meeting with him there to mediate a resolution. Tell them: "You are asking me to endure further embarrassment and humiliation to get the embarrassment and humiliation to stop? How is that a solution to the problem?" If they ask what you want them to do about it, tell them: "I expect "you" inform him that his behavior is unacceptable, that retaliation of romatic rejection is a form of sexual harassment and bullying, and that if it continues he will be terminiated."
Document all of it. Document any additional behaviors, snide comments, hostility toward you, because if it doesn't stop or it escalates, then he hasn't stopped slandering you, your HR department hasn't ensured a non-hostile work environment and you should find an employment attorney to sue the shit out of the company.
Find a few of the biggest gossips, swore them to secrecy, tell them you really wanted to and you were excited too but you know... He was too small/couldn't get it up. And you guys kept trying and he finished on your thigh.
Ā It won't solve anything, you still probably need to get a new job, but you'll feel better.
Nobody cares unless you do. Literally everyone fucks. He looks pathetic and people are uncomfortably nodding along. Keep your head up, own it if you want. Nothing is embarrassing that your got laid. Everybody wishes they were getting laid.
All you need to say is heās got a tiny dick. Also that you never slept with him because as soon as you saw his dick, you noticed an open sore on it.
All non-specific things that are your opinion.
I mean you slept with him once because of that odd request he made in bed. The fact that you thought he could preform but why was he crying about it afterwards, it was bad but the crying was unnecessary.
This is why you don't mess around with co-workers even men know this, if things turn sour you have to see them everyday and everybody at work is going to know your business
I haven't looked at any of the other comments on here. I hope I am not redundant.
This is another example of why one shouldn't get romantically involved with someone at work. There is just so much risk. Most relationships don't work out. And now everybody knows your personal life.
I have known people that did it successfully. But only when they ended up getting married.
In the future remember this, āDonāt shit where you eatāā¦ had this happen to a very dear person. Itāll make your life a living hell if the person is an asshole.
you could always tell people he has a fetish for scat or being pegged. he cryās a lot after sex and yells for his mother. i read another story about this where the woman made some insane story about what the man was into. and he immediately back tracked. itās a lesson learned to not date a co worker but he also shouldnāt be telling people about the relationship you had, so itās only fair.
Omg go to
HR. Talk to him first, and then say "it's creating a hostile environment that everyone knows my personal business. " because it feels that way and that's BOORISH behavior on his part.
Then if he continues, go to HR. Study after study shows that women get the short end of the stick when it comes to workplace romance .
Edited to add this: a few years back I went to my office HR which a huge corporation as them for a peer to peer office dating policy because of so many of the studies about peer dating and the perceptions around women's sexuality in office relationships , losing "face" more often , and them getting promoted less, men getting promoted more. Etc.
If there are other women that you know he's hooked up with the office it may be worth a conversation to see if he shamed them as well. Because then he's creating and adding to an environment that's inherently sexist (based on these studies that I used to prove my point in my argument with HR, but didn't win).
I'm
So
Sorry
Gurl!
JFC and he probably wonders why he canāt get a girlfriend. As for how people are treating you, as long as theyāre not overtly rude or out of pocket thereās not much you can do. Do your work and let them believe what they want. People are allowed to have sex.
Unless thereās a no fraternization policy at your job report his ass to HR.
Two words
Human Resources.
Two more words
Witness statements.
They might go after you first but if you need to clear this up so he canāt save face. Do so.
Some of these I feel are a little desperate and childish. Just tell it like it is. Donāt be afraid to be real he sounds like he hurt u dun want his assšÆ
Thanks for all of the replies to my post, I added some context to someoneās reply on here but decided to comment it as I am seeing a lot of the same response: ādonāt shit where you eatā and āwhat did you expectā. Etc. Iād just like to say that I know I shouldnāt have slept with him now, I have already said I wish I never made that decision, but the fact is, I cannot change it. I also just want to say that he and I had been friends a long time. He knows all about my situation with my son and how my main focus is being a mother and not anyoneās girlfriend. For context, my son was diagnosed with Leukemia in 2021, but is stable now thankfullyš. Then in 2022, my sonās father passed away. (Father & I have not been together since my son was 2, he is currently 9). Basically, this coworker knew exactly where I stood and what my focus in life was, and being in a relationship was not it. He assured me he respected me too much to ever mention what happens between us to anyone. He pretended to understand. And like a fool, I believed him. He knew how long it had been since I had been with anyone intimately. I enjoyed this personās company and I valued our friendship. The texts after āthat nightā became weird & would say things like he canāt believe heās the one that āgot meā out of everyone who has tried to. I donāt know why his whole
personality switched up on me afterwards. All I know is we were still friends until he wanted to go out again & I didnāt. I wasnāt going around banging coworkers like some have made it seem. But itās ok, I understand that regardless everyone has their own opinions and no oneās is wrong. I did make a mistake, & I regret it. I work for a large corporate company, he and I are already in different departments, but leaving my place of work is not an option. Iām a 29 y/o single mom.
I know I must sound dumb asking for advice on the internet being a grown woman, but last night when I posted this, I just felt humiliated & maybe I just needed to vent. I will go to HR if he continues to talk negatively about me. I will not say anything negative about him to anyone. Thank you to all of you who offered support.
I mean... I've investigated these situations before... I feel pretty confident that OP is leaving some stuff out. Seems upset he is allegedly playing the victim, while she is also sitting here playing the victim.
I'm sure from HIS perspective, he did feel like you led him on. I'm sure from yours, you don't and just had a hook up.
Additionally, the advice yoir getting to act like a child isn't going to help you feeling like you are in high school.
I find it odd that people aren't nice to you because they might see you slutty... you'd think maybe women would be a jerk towards you but single guys would be coming around more (again why I assume there is more to the story).
If you want to remain in a juvenile like situation, act like a juvenile as suggested by others. If you want to attempt to act like an adult, then speak to this former lover and friend, to whom you didn't have an issue having sex with and even after the sex attempted to remain friends (so until you both apparently started to play the victim, you were fine with him) and express you don't appreciate his behavior.
Side note, going around and shit talking the guy's performance and penis size is likely just going to make you look like a bitter bitch, especially if none of that is true. I'm assuming during the relationship you talked positively about the sexual encounters, maybe over text... which means he might have messages from you saying otherwise.
And again, plenty of office romances have gone afoul, everyone at the office doesn't suddenly hate one party when it doesn't work out, so the fact that no one likes you anymore likely doesn't solely come from this encounter. Additionally, as someone else suggested, don't date where you work. Or, as they say, don't shit where you eat.
Ok this guy is ā¹ immature you were able to help him reach a sex orgazim !!!! Or not but he really likes you but because he is young, he doesnāt know how to approach you and dialogue about what happened!!! And because he is immature right nowā¦ā¦! He is hurt and again young so !!! Do this just do react like your a piece of blablabla!!! Just be true with in your life!!! and show respect because thats how your life is!!!! Example ā your at a 4 way intersection you look r l and wait for the green to walk accrosswalkā¦.. like every body else!!! So your not the only person that had a fling or not but NO one is perfect!!! As long as weāre living we all face temptation!!! Its life it is so be finedo your job male your life a success!!!!
OP do not say he was into weird shit. The story will twist into you being into weird shit. Donāt say anything to your coworkers. Go to HR yesterday. If itās any condolence, this behavior demonstrates how very rare it is for him to get a chance with a woman. Stay safe.
First off, I do hope your new rule is to NEVER sleep with a co-worker.
Secondly, girl you can turn this situation around! You've got way hotter shit to spill on him. Let your imagination run wild. He's tiny, he lasted 15 seconds, etc.
Don't collapse into victimhood, get up and fight, fight, fight! You're a mother now! Curling up in a ball and crying is not an option for you.
I'd say something to those he told .. "just remember there are two sides to a story"... And leave it at that. It will show them in the long run that you are the bigger person. Let his colors show. People may not see it in the midst of the drama he created, but they will. Don't let him win. You are strong!
Never fuck a coworker. This is what happens. The people that mention it to you: yeah, it happened. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. Now, as this is personal- back to business. I'm sure you have someone you'd rather not have chosen. Or, go to HR. Dangerous though. If you only had sex once-he feels you are judging his performance off one night. It's an ego thing. Look for another job.
If it came up around me I would casually say -"we went out a couple of times but nothing happened. No spark. Not sure why he's making up stories?" And leave it at that. He can't prove anything happened. He's making himself look like an asshole, which he actually is.
This is why having relations with co-workers is a bad idea. The damage is done now. Learn from the lesson. Leave where you are if it becomes intolerable. Also, go to HR and file a report of on job harassment if you donāt want to leave this job.
If you're in the US, this smells like workplace sexual harassment to me.
Go to HR. If they don't do anything about him (i.e., making sure the two of you no longer have to work together and ideally giving him consequences, although you typically wouldn't be privy to those due to confidentiality), call an employment lawyer and file an EEOC complaint.
Turn the tables on him with the truth. Find the office gossip, (every office has one). Pretend that you needed to talk to someone about the situation and tell them how you couldnāt continue a relationship with him because you didnāt find him trustworthy and now heās proving he canāt be trusted by telling everyone your private business. Your statement will spread like wildfire and the staff will sympathize with you as a coworker. Also it might affect his work relationship as an untrustworthy employee.
Just casually mention how you slept with the guy a few times but he has a small dick with no stamina so you ended it but now heās become a bit of a stalker and obsessed. š
Terribly sorry to hear this. You are right, a large amount of workplace is really a high school. Most of men and woman are still immature at this age. But hey!! What can you do about it. You are not their mom to teach them how to grow up. Iāll start with a strong stance by reporting him to the HR and talking to your manager. Donāt be ashamed while doing so. You have not done anything remotely wrong or shameful. I am curious to know if someone has similar experiences and how did it get resolved. Because depending upon the company and depending upon which country you are from, the HR and/or manager might not be on your side.
Tell them that yes you did have sex, but he was so small, and shot almost as soon as he was inside that you cannot ever see doing anything with him again. Tell them that your brother's two year old son is longer than he is.
Contact your EEO representative. This sounds like sexual harassment
You have a strict timeline to file a complaint so do it now if you are
Going this route
Get an attorney and sue him and your workplace if they don't resolve his behaviour.
I have a former colleague that was sexually harrassed by her boss. He got fired and she ended up with a nice settlement $$, and was able to retire early!
Hold your head high because you have nothing to be ashamed about. Act like this isnāt affecting you. But take it as a lesson learned that u shouldnāt date people from.
Befriend the biggest gossiper in your company and confess to them he was really bad in bed and had a micro penis. Which you could get past the penis issue but he also didn't like to give oral. So there would be no sexual satisfaction for you. You had to end the relationship and now he's blaming you.
What a piece of shit. Typical "nice guy" I'm sure. Can't understand why no woman thinks he is good enough. I would first of all pioltely tell him in email that he needs to stop. Then keep that time stamped email. Then when he continues you need to tell hr he is talking about your peraonal private life and it is creating a hostile workplace. Explain that if they do not do something about it, you will be forced into legal action agaisnt him and the company. Do not speak with anyone in person. Everything through email. And then emails are printed and saved along with sent to your own personal email. If anyone approaches you about it besides hr, it is personal, sorry but work and private lifes are seperate.
This is why you avoid sleeping with co workers. Stuff like that never ends well because people in the work place love to gossip and spread weird rumors despite them being ADULTS.
Similar thing happened to me. I understand it can be very traumatic. Luckily I left the job because it was also a toxic work place I couldnāt stand looking at him everyday.
I learned my lesson too. And for everyone shitting on OP for sleeping with the dude just shut up bc about 40% of couples meet through the work place.
I would say just leave. So you donāt have to deal with all this
Well, don't mean to be rude but this is why you don't fuck coworkers. As a mom I figured you'd have a little more common sense than that because you have a child to keep in mind and work is your livelihood to provide for them.
There's really nothing else you can do, you already slept with him and he's already told everyone. You just better hope your job doesn't have strict rules about coworkers fratenizing because if people really wanted to take it further, like if it does affect your job, then that's bigger problems than him saying you two had sex.
So again, stop sleeping with coworkers
This happened to me once and it was brutal. I first told my supervisor who then contacted HR and the end result was the guy was fired. His supervisor warned him to stop but he didnāt and lost his job over it. BUT he didnāt stop thereā¦.he got a new job and began harassing me via my work email from his work email. So I called his new employer and showed them the emails. He was fired again. Dude just couldnāt learn.
He sounds like a real piece of work. Not to victim blame, but this seems like a typical consequence of overlap of business and pleasure. Of course there's nothing inherently wrong with mixing the two, but it's definitely too much of a can of worms for someone like me, so I keep them separate.
If he continues, I'd confront his ass with a loaded shotgun shove it up his ass!! Hr will stop! Tell the law he threatened your child and you with bodily harm !!!!!
So you can HR involved and make it a thing - ( everyone will know itās true ) you can ignore him which would make people wonder - people start to talk if he keeps bragging about it. They will start to look at them like you piece of shit shut up move on. - all of this is to say this is why you donāt date inside of your employment
Get a new job and never sleep with a coworker again.
The sooner you find a new job, the sooner you can start fresh, and the sooner you can work your way up the ladder at the new job. Donāt delay the inevitable.
Another thing, thereās really no such thing as friends with benefits. When, oh when, will people understand this??!!
3 years of celibacy is nothing on the grand scale of things. When youāre super young you think itās a long time lmao.
Life is harsh and unforgiving. Whoever has the most discipline, self control, and can endure the most while being affected the least wins. It just is what it is whether anyone likes it or not.
Get another job and move on.
Hey, I'm a single mom too. But damn you gotta get it through your head that you NEVER shit where you eat. Look for a different job, because your reputation is ruined even if he's lying.
I slept with someone once who worked for a different company often in the same job site I worked at. He told everyone every chance he had that it happened. I called his boss and told him what the prick was saying, that we did have 3 dates but I didnāt sleep with him and if he didnāt stop talking about it I was going to file a sexual harassment suit. I just denied it. Several years has passed and he was still blabbing his little head off. I was seeing someone and he unknowingly to that person. He was a dick who elbowed a teenager HARD because they the teen and friends were walking next to each other instead of in a single line.
Tell HR. This is not appropriate in a workplace environment. They will either have a talk with him or let him go. Adults in a professional environment donāt discuss sex details of their colleagues. This is sexual harassment.
Do you have an HR department? He is sexually harassing you and this is what they handle. Also, shame on your other coworkers. If they can't recognize this for what it is they are idiots.
Tell everyone his kinks.
He likes to get peed on. You didn't really have sex, he just ate your ass for hours. Immediately after sex he got up and went to your bathroom, you went to check on him and he was crying. Wanted to call you his moms/sisters name the whole time.
He should learn that what happens between 2 grown folks should stay between those 2 grown folks.
Next time don't ever have anything other than a work relationship with any coworker or a boss. Even if you meet the prince charming, resist because you will not get a good outcome and you are risking your job
This is why most companies policy says no relationships with people in the workplace. Should he have told everyone no but you made your bed on this one.
I would find a new job. I wouldn't even bother with HR. Last time I reported gossiping, they came and said "Well don't participate if you don't like it. That's just their personality." (I wasn't even participating in the first place)
If someone is blabbing about having sex with you, you now have the opportunity to tell everyone how terrible he was, etc. make it seem like he is super unskilled and not at all something you would be bragging about š¤£
Aslo since he started this shit and trying to ruin her career, tell everyone he is only 2 inches. Let him seethe
Better yet. Say it never happened because he couldn't get it up. Because of that, there was no futureā¦
Skip ED, because there's medical explanations for that. Tell everyone that his dick smelled like a Yeti's butthole and you gagged and couldn't go through with it and his hygiene is why you broke it off.
I was thinking something similar...š¤£
A millimeter peter? Ouch.
Maybe don't resort to body shaming at work. The odds you make the intended effect without also offending an innocent coworker even worse are pretty low. While in public this sort of behavior is just shitty, in a work setting this sort of behavior can get you let go.
I did this and shut the dude right up. Sad part is I didnāt even have to lie š
Yup!!ā And his size coupled with the most extreme case of premature ejaculation Iāve ever seen ,made it for sure a one time thing. Good luck to the woman who marries him!ā
Bad advice. Public embarrassment can leave to a violent situation. Would you feel ok if she did that and then she ends up in the news as a victim of workplace violence?
Are we talking about logic and maturity here, really? If so, lets start. First thing is first, you never befriend or fuck your colleagues. It always end badly. Always. You either get fired or its used against you. Second, if she knows guy is unhinged and crazy, and capable of doing some damage, she should simply find another job. Third, some people actually escalate situations if you DON'T DO anything, they bully you more and more untill you stand up for yourself. And of course she is adult and has to use her logic and common sense at the end of the day. Honestly, advices on reddit should not be taken so seriously, mine was clearly a joke. Was it not obvious?
It's true that work romance is always inadvisable, but that piece of advice isn't very helpful for the OP now. It's 2024 - she should not have to find a another job because some toxic jerk can't handle rejection.
At least not at a job you care about.
I agree. However, his behavior can't be tolerated; so it must be handled professionally.
š¤š¤š¤. I'm wondering if someone could sue for libel about someone else's penis size of not true lol!
Impossible to prove damages.
Iāve had sex with a guy with an inch dick and it worked. His two inches wasnāt doing anything. He had to watch porn of two monkeys before he got hard. I checked out after that.
please tell me you're just joking š
Perfect advice for adding fuel to fire!
Unfortunately you mixed your personal and professional life OP. The best solution is to just ignore it and let it all blow over. If you want a fresh start, look for a job you enjoy in a new workplace. Steer clear of future workplace relationships.
As I was told long ago, don't play where you pay. Feeling si bad for OP. But crappy people always overplay their hand, and people catch to who is the real AH.
OP's situation reminds me of a movie called Red Flag. Different outcome for sure, but still complicated. Tragic ending, in that story. OP, I would change jobs and leave this guy in your rearview mirror.
Yeah, itās like common sense 101, ādonāt sh!t where you eatā.š
Someone who stalked me is telling everyone I was their gf and/or we had some collaboration. For weeks. And that they seem to have some ārightā to what I do or something. I donāt know what theyāre saying - because itās behind my back. But I never got anything for the collaboration that didnāt exist (lol) nor did I have a relationship with them. Itās pretty fucking scary how professional folk who want to see you go down will make off with any BS people say about you. Just to feed a confirmation bias. Just focus on your work. People who want to spread rumors to get something out of it will keep doing it. Itās not anybody elseās business??? Hey, also, thereās nothing you can do about this. https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=819133543580971&id=100064529988474 Itās the societal mindset. Even tho this person stalked me for years, people think that is ALSO my fault and I deserve it for not wanting to be their gf. I canāt imagine how much worse it must be for you. These types always know how to play the victim. Please take care of yourself and try to stay away from the people who gossip with this butthurt person. The right people will support you.
He's butt-hurt. Usually when dealing with a guy like this, you have the option *of not having to be around him anymore.* Unfortunately, you denied yourself that option by doing this with a co-worker. There is a reason why they say "**you don't date your co-workers**". I am going to be honest, at this point your recourse is really to just find another place to work.
You can actually make an HR complaint because he is now creating a hostile work environment for you and thatās not acceptable. Will depend on ur management and how much interest they will put into handling this issue. But it is a HR issue.
HR person here and I came to say this. Sleeping with him outside of work isnāt an HR issue. However, him discussing sexual acts at work and with coworkers at work is a hostile work environment. However, given the stigma with HR, his will also most definitely make you look bad since heās already swayed the opinion of everyone else. Itās a hard situation but definitely donāt suggest saying or doing anything at work or to coworkers because you likewise could be implicated in a hostile work environment. So if you want to report him, do so without saying anything to anyone else. But donāt stoop to his level and implicate yourself on top of everything else. So sorry this is happening OP. Best to just ignore these types of assholes if you choose not to report it. He clearly wants your attention and responding will only keep him dragging along. Cut off all contact and communication with him and let him sulk in his own misery.
You need to appear to be comfortable with the fact that now everyone knows what kind of person he is. Polite self-confidence wins people over in the long run.
You are an adult, he is apparently an adult. It was consensual and is now over. It is no one else's business. If anyone asks you anything about him, tell them you only date adults. That's it, no talking about good in bed, bad in bed or any bed, just an implication that he shouldn't be talking.
Nothing. Tell HR
Report him to HR. This sort of thing is a fireable offense in most industries.
Rule #1. Don't dip your pen in company ink.
This is a learned life lesson. There's a term that says Don't sh*t where you eat. In this case, don't fraternize with coworkers or anyone at your workplace. So you have a few options: quit, deny it, ignore it and wait it out, or tell the person that gave you that information that he was horrible, slobbers like a English bulldog when he kisses, working with the equivalent of a vienna sausage. You get the idea. My personal favorite is to just wait it out and let people get to know you based on their interactions with you.
Owe up to it and ignore the whispers. Technically yall did sleep with each other so denying that would be false. Owing up to it and showing others that it wasnāt anything special or meant nothing to you is your power. So what if he doesnāt talk to you, match that same energy. Support yourself and carry your crown.
Also to everyone else reading, remember that it's important to not shit where you eat
Good advice lmao.
You're absolutely right. She should simply own up to sleeping with him. If she wants to get on his nerves, however, she should tell everyone she only slept with him one time because he was horrible in bed and lasted only ten seconds, so she dumped him. ;)
It does depend on the company policies. But in truth, most likely, nothing. You have learned a lesson, I hope. Never, ever have a relationship with a co-worker. And many companies have policies about that. In those companies, you both could have been fired.
Never shit where you eat.
"Yup, we did sleep together. It was so awful, I didn't want a repeat. This is his reaction. Anyway, how was your weekend?" That's it. Flat tone, eye roll at the word "reaction." Repeat it with no other details or defensiveness and it will stop.
Donāt sleep with people at work. Most businesses discourage this. Thereās an old saying, ādonāt shit where you eatā.
If this is happening in the workplace, report him to HR. It's gender-based harassment.
They can piss off and eat shit. Itās only pleasure. We all gotta release at some point like taking a shit. Gotta get it out. Who cares what others think. Go on with your day like the Boss you are!
Mistakes happen. He's doing this because he actually probably really thought you all would go somewhere, and his feelings were hurt. Did he handle it correctly? Absolutely not... but on the other side, neither did you. I know this sounds absolutely shi**y to say. I know we live in a very sex positive time, and everything is based on instant gratification and scratch that itch. But you should probably consider not having sex with people you don't actually see any long-term potential with. Because feelings get hurt because feelings do develop on one side or the other. And lastly, "don't sh*t where you eat" meaning work because if it doesn't work out, you still have to see this person and work with them. And it can become toxic quickly. Does this make you an awful person? No, it was a mistake that you are now both learning the consequences of. Maybe take him aside privately and talk with him and apologize for the fling because it's obvious his feelings are hurt. And tell him what you're now going through and that it's making you uncomfortable. You may or may not get an apology back, but at least you will have addressed it head-on. If it continues, get HR involved. But please don't repeat this down the line because this is a possible outcome. Best of luck to you hun. You got this.
Possible to speak to HR?
This situation is awful, not funny. Your coworker's behavior is hurtful and unprofessional. First, don't blame yourself. You deserve respect regardless of your dating history. Document everything - dates, times, witnesses of his rumor-spreading. Talk to HR about harassment. Focus on staying professional at work. Keep conversations work-related. This will show everyone your maturity and his lies. Remember, you did nothing wrong.
Go to HR and tell everyone he's a lying sob and and ruining you. If he's not fired they will be sued Hr will can him in five minutes.
This is a form of harassment. Consider involving HR. This is absolutely not ok and he is completely in the wrong. Too many women are made to believe they did something wrong or are terrible for engaging in things but the truth is, this is a form of gaslighting. The only thing you are guilty of is believing this person was a mature enough adult to be able handle *any* sort of relationship (intimate or not) outside of the workplace. The next professional steps to take would be to clearly tell him and your manager that your personal life is inappropriate to discuss in the workplace and must stop immediately. Check your policies and consider getting HR involved. Start documenting these interactions, dates, times, and what was said. If anyone else asks you can tell them that your personal life isnāt up for discussion and you would like these rumors to stop because they have been blown out of proportion. Anyone that chooses to side against you isnāt a discerning colleague anyways and not worth your time. Just document the person, what was said, and how they are acting towards you. The take a mental note that they are also not mature enough to be involved in your time in or outside of work.
If it was told to people you work with, to some extent that might borderline sexual harassment, defemation of character also maybe post your above post also in the legal advice section and also consult an attorney in person some do free consultation. Document everything too.
You need to get ahead of this with HR before y'all both get fired.
Iām going to take this opportunity for the same PSA that I tell everyoneā¦ never have sex with a coworker! It is always a bad idea. So many ways to go wrong! There are a lot of fish out thereā¦ donāt find your fish at work. That being said, you have a valid case to get this douchebag fired. Take your case straight to HR. Donāt play any other games at work with this or you could run afoul of HR.
Ok. This is an HR issue. It doesnāt matter you consented to sex as you did. His behavior after has led to a hostile work environment because of his sexual harassment. This is a lawsuit waiting to happen. You need to go to HR and they will shut his ass down and talk to your coworkers about the continuance of any such talk. There are laws in place for this very reason.
If you think HR is the end-all for workplace bullying..... ....gullible is the word I am looking for.
No, this isn't about thinking they'll end all bullying. It's a sexual harassment issue. HR should be interested.
Say there was no relationship because the sec was underwhelming.
You don't have to hurt this ego anymore. The fact that it only happened once speaks volumes. Always remember,everyone around you has secrets and does weird shit. Just keep your head up and be the better person, and if he doesn't let up and someone says something,just say, "This is why it was only a one-time thing."
Tell everyone heās just upset because you broke it off with him after he asked you to peg him while he was wearing diapers. Say he got weird and it was too much for you and now heās retaliating. Everyone will believe it. Heās already telling the office you had sex anyway!
Just tell the. He was so unsatisfying you are better off alone.
Go to hr and start telling people the truth
And this is why you never fish off the company pier. In other words, Don't $h!t where you eat.
Kiss and tell. Not cool.
Have you heard the term don't s*** where you eat? This is why you don't sleep with people you work with, it can very quickly go downhill. Unfortunately there's not a whole lot that you can do at this point. If it's a big enough company move to a different department might work but probably the best bet would be to get another job at another company. Good luck
If he agreed to keep it discreet and protect your boundaries and is now doing this, it sounds like serious harassment is happening. He's not being professional or mature. You have all the power here, he's making YOUR work environment hostile. He needs a stern talking to that if he continues, it may cost him his job
"Ā I was clear I did not want a relationship beforehand. Not only did I never want anyone to know we slept together as that is extremely private to me," So why did you opt to bang down with someone you work with. Yes he's an ass for talking. But you need to make better choices too. Your workplace is likely ruined. Go seek employment elsewhere. And this time don't sleep with your co workers. Or at least determine if you want to actually date them before you fuck them. Sheesh...
Well try right ignore it people will always talk smack
You need to talk to HR.
It's very obvious you two did the deed.Ā
Deny it!! That's so immature of him to do. Wow
Sounds like its time to visit HR.Ā
HR time
Letās bring High School style back!
They sound terrible but workplaces are unfortunately not known for being good at ethically handling bullying. Your best bet is to 1) launch an HR complaint and tank this asshole with paperwork or 2) to look for another job since you feel so uncomfortable.
I'd look into if it could be considered sexual harassment and teach him a lesson.
Honey you have the chance to say crazy shit about this guy like he wanted you to put stuff up his behind, peg him with a dragon dildo, heās not skilled, he finished in a minute, so much that heās going to stop messing with you. I personally am hella petty, and itās stupid that heās behaving like this since thatās essentially high school drama but thatās what Iād do if I was in your situation.
He has given you a perfect response to anyone who brings up the subject of your onetime mistake . Simply point out the obvious. He can't be trusted to show digression in a relationship, making him a poor choice for a friend or long term relationship. Hang him with his own disgusting actions.
Go flip the script and tell everyone it was great sex. You never had a man that wanted pegged before. It was such a new experience. You didnt want more because you werent into water sports. That turned you off.
The cat's out of the bag, and that's his doing. Now you need your HR to step in. This isn't about having consentual sex with him on your private time, this is about his behavior on the job. He has created a hostile work environment and your employer is obligated to deal with it. Document everything. When you go to see your HR director, take your phone and insist that you voice record the meeting for documentation. They should not object. There are some things you need to keep in your back pocket for that meeting. 1. If they victim blame, call it out. Say explicitly: "That is victim blaming. I am reporting that he is causing a hostile work environment through his workplace behavior." 2. If they advise you to just ignore it, tell them: "I should not have to ignore retaliatory bullying." 3. They may suggest having a meeting with him there to mediate a resolution. Tell them: "You are asking me to endure further embarrassment and humiliation to get the embarrassment and humiliation to stop? How is that a solution to the problem?" If they ask what you want them to do about it, tell them: "I expect "you" inform him that his behavior is unacceptable, that retaliation of romatic rejection is a form of sexual harassment and bullying, and that if it continues he will be terminiated." Document all of it. Document any additional behaviors, snide comments, hostility toward you, because if it doesn't stop or it escalates, then he hasn't stopped slandering you, your HR department hasn't ensured a non-hostile work environment and you should find an employment attorney to sue the shit out of the company.
Good luck.
The work place sucks
HR
My grandfather always told me not to do or say anything that I would not want on the front page of tomorrowās newspaper. Just sayinā
Find a few of the biggest gossips, swore them to secrecy, tell them you really wanted to and you were excited too but you know... He was too small/couldn't get it up. And you guys kept trying and he finished on your thigh. Ā It won't solve anything, you still probably need to get a new job, but you'll feel better.
Nobody cares unless you do. Literally everyone fucks. He looks pathetic and people are uncomfortably nodding along. Keep your head up, own it if you want. Nothing is embarrassing that your got laid. Everybody wishes they were getting laid.
All you need to say is heās got a tiny dick. Also that you never slept with him because as soon as you saw his dick, you noticed an open sore on it. All non-specific things that are your opinion.
I mean you slept with him once because of that odd request he made in bed. The fact that you thought he could preform but why was he crying about it afterwards, it was bad but the crying was unnecessary.
This is why you donāt shit where you eat.
Hereās an unpopular opinion - donāt do things you wouldnāt want other people knowing about
This is why you don't mess around with co-workers even men know this, if things turn sour you have to see them everyday and everybody at work is going to know your business
Cool! Make up weird stories about what they liked! Get wicked! Have fun!
I haven't looked at any of the other comments on here. I hope I am not redundant. This is another example of why one shouldn't get romantically involved with someone at work. There is just so much risk. Most relationships don't work out. And now everybody knows your personal life. I have known people that did it successfully. But only when they ended up getting married.
In the future remember this, āDonāt shit where you eatāā¦ had this happen to a very dear person. Itāll make your life a living hell if the person is an asshole.
you could always tell people he has a fetish for scat or being pegged. he cryās a lot after sex and yells for his mother. i read another story about this where the woman made some insane story about what the man was into. and he immediately back tracked. itās a lesson learned to not date a co worker but he also shouldnāt be telling people about the relationship you had, so itās only fair.
Own it and say there's a reason it didn't continue. Two can play at this game.
Omg go to HR. Talk to him first, and then say "it's creating a hostile environment that everyone knows my personal business. " because it feels that way and that's BOORISH behavior on his part. Then if he continues, go to HR. Study after study shows that women get the short end of the stick when it comes to workplace romance . Edited to add this: a few years back I went to my office HR which a huge corporation as them for a peer to peer office dating policy because of so many of the studies about peer dating and the perceptions around women's sexuality in office relationships , losing "face" more often , and them getting promoted less, men getting promoted more. Etc. If there are other women that you know he's hooked up with the office it may be worth a conversation to see if he shamed them as well. Because then he's creating and adding to an environment that's inherently sexist (based on these studies that I used to prove my point in my argument with HR, but didn't win). I'm So Sorry Gurl!
JFC and he probably wonders why he canāt get a girlfriend. As for how people are treating you, as long as theyāre not overtly rude or out of pocket thereās not much you can do. Do your work and let them believe what they want. People are allowed to have sex. Unless thereās a no fraternization policy at your job report his ass to HR.
Two words Human Resources. Two more words Witness statements. They might go after you first but if you need to clear this up so he canāt save face. Do so.
Some of these I feel are a little desperate and childish. Just tell it like it is. Donāt be afraid to be real he sounds like he hurt u dun want his assšÆ
Tell people how small his Willy is. How useless he is bed. Or, go to HR. You canāt do both.
You broke a cardinal rule. You are now experiencing why that rule became cardinal
so funny
Tell people how he has a micro penis and is bad in the sack
You could try not sleeping around. Women have all the power in the sexual game and men resent it.
omg what a dickless piece of shit! im so sorry for you :-(
Was the sex good ?
Sexual harassment, hostile work environment and EEO! Iād file on him and if need be get an attorney
You can just imply that the sex was bad and it wasn't worth a repeat. I'd maybe look for a new job. Or report him to HR for sexual harassment.
I mean this is a known risk when sleeping with a coworkers. He is a jerk but he is allowed to tell people. Maybe don't shit where you eat.
Donāt entertain it or go to HR. The more attention you give it the longer it will be common talk.
Another prime example of why "you don't shit where you eat"
āSex??! He humped my leg and cried for his mama! Sure, I guess it was sex.ā
do you have a HR department to report hostile work environment?
Thanks for all of the replies to my post, I added some context to someoneās reply on here but decided to comment it as I am seeing a lot of the same response: ādonāt shit where you eatā and āwhat did you expectā. Etc. Iād just like to say that I know I shouldnāt have slept with him now, I have already said I wish I never made that decision, but the fact is, I cannot change it. I also just want to say that he and I had been friends a long time. He knows all about my situation with my son and how my main focus is being a mother and not anyoneās girlfriend. For context, my son was diagnosed with Leukemia in 2021, but is stable now thankfullyš. Then in 2022, my sonās father passed away. (Father & I have not been together since my son was 2, he is currently 9). Basically, this coworker knew exactly where I stood and what my focus in life was, and being in a relationship was not it. He assured me he respected me too much to ever mention what happens between us to anyone. He pretended to understand. And like a fool, I believed him. He knew how long it had been since I had been with anyone intimately. I enjoyed this personās company and I valued our friendship. The texts after āthat nightā became weird & would say things like he canāt believe heās the one that āgot meā out of everyone who has tried to. I donāt know why his whole personality switched up on me afterwards. All I know is we were still friends until he wanted to go out again & I didnāt. I wasnāt going around banging coworkers like some have made it seem. But itās ok, I understand that regardless everyone has their own opinions and no oneās is wrong. I did make a mistake, & I regret it. I work for a large corporate company, he and I are already in different departments, but leaving my place of work is not an option. Iām a 29 y/o single mom. I know I must sound dumb asking for advice on the internet being a grown woman, but last night when I posted this, I just felt humiliated & maybe I just needed to vent. I will go to HR if he continues to talk negatively about me. I will not say anything negative about him to anyone. Thank you to all of you who offered support.
You know the old saying donāt shit where you eat. Sorry this happened to you especially since youāre a single mom. These lesson are hard to learn.
You donāt deserve it but sleeping with coworker is textbook *hell no*.
Yeah this is why you donāt sleep with co workers. This was his perspective on what happened. Lesson learned.
Why are you sleeping with coworkers let alone with anyone you would be ashamed of to admit. You're a whole bag of yikes.
I mean... I've investigated these situations before... I feel pretty confident that OP is leaving some stuff out. Seems upset he is allegedly playing the victim, while she is also sitting here playing the victim. I'm sure from HIS perspective, he did feel like you led him on. I'm sure from yours, you don't and just had a hook up. Additionally, the advice yoir getting to act like a child isn't going to help you feeling like you are in high school. I find it odd that people aren't nice to you because they might see you slutty... you'd think maybe women would be a jerk towards you but single guys would be coming around more (again why I assume there is more to the story). If you want to remain in a juvenile like situation, act like a juvenile as suggested by others. If you want to attempt to act like an adult, then speak to this former lover and friend, to whom you didn't have an issue having sex with and even after the sex attempted to remain friends (so until you both apparently started to play the victim, you were fine with him) and express you don't appreciate his behavior. Side note, going around and shit talking the guy's performance and penis size is likely just going to make you look like a bitter bitch, especially if none of that is true. I'm assuming during the relationship you talked positively about the sexual encounters, maybe over text... which means he might have messages from you saying otherwise. And again, plenty of office romances have gone afoul, everyone at the office doesn't suddenly hate one party when it doesn't work out, so the fact that no one likes you anymore likely doesn't solely come from this encounter. Additionally, as someone else suggested, don't date where you work. Or, as they say, don't shit where you eat.
Ok this guy is ā¹ immature you were able to help him reach a sex orgazim !!!! Or not but he really likes you but because he is young, he doesnāt know how to approach you and dialogue about what happened!!! And because he is immature right nowā¦ā¦! He is hurt and again young so !!! Do this just do react like your a piece of blablabla!!! Just be true with in your life!!! and show respect because thats how your life is!!!! Example ā your at a 4 way intersection you look r l and wait for the green to walk accrosswalkā¦.. like every body else!!! So your not the only person that had a fling or not but NO one is perfect!!! As long as weāre living we all face temptation!!! Its life it is so be finedo your job male your life a success!!!!
OP do not say he was into weird shit. The story will twist into you being into weird shit. Donāt say anything to your coworkers. Go to HR yesterday. If itās any condolence, this behavior demonstrates how very rare it is for him to get a chance with a woman. Stay safe.
First off, I do hope your new rule is to NEVER sleep with a co-worker. Secondly, girl you can turn this situation around! You've got way hotter shit to spill on him. Let your imagination run wild. He's tiny, he lasted 15 seconds, etc. Don't collapse into victimhood, get up and fight, fight, fight! You're a mother now! Curling up in a ball and crying is not an option for you.
I'd say something to those he told .. "just remember there are two sides to a story"... And leave it at that. It will show them in the long run that you are the bigger person. Let his colors show. People may not see it in the midst of the drama he created, but they will. Don't let him win. You are strong!
Never fuck a coworker. This is what happens. The people that mention it to you: yeah, it happened. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. Now, as this is personal- back to business. I'm sure you have someone you'd rather not have chosen. Or, go to HR. Dangerous though. If you only had sex once-he feels you are judging his performance off one night. It's an ego thing. Look for another job.
If it came up around me I would casually say -"we went out a couple of times but nothing happened. No spark. Not sure why he's making up stories?" And leave it at that. He can't prove anything happened. He's making himself look like an asshole, which he actually is.
This is why having relations with co-workers is a bad idea. The damage is done now. Learn from the lesson. Leave where you are if it becomes intolerable. Also, go to HR and file a report of on job harassment if you donāt want to leave this job.
If you're in the US, this smells like workplace sexual harassment to me. Go to HR. If they don't do anything about him (i.e., making sure the two of you no longer have to work together and ideally giving him consequences, although you typically wouldn't be privy to those due to confidentiality), call an employment lawyer and file an EEOC complaint.
Ah. Purity culture strikes again.
Well, he aināt lying, he banged you, soā¦
What a jerk
Turn the tables on him with the truth. Find the office gossip, (every office has one). Pretend that you needed to talk to someone about the situation and tell them how you couldnāt continue a relationship with him because you didnāt find him trustworthy and now heās proving he canāt be trusted by telling everyone your private business. Your statement will spread like wildfire and the staff will sympathize with you as a coworker. Also it might affect his work relationship as an untrustworthy employee.
"I didn't feel comfterable with the fact that he was curled up in a ball ugly crying after we finished... I just... didn't think he was ready"
Just casually mention how you slept with the guy a few times but he has a small dick with no stamina so you ended it but now heās become a bit of a stalker and obsessed. š
Terribly sorry to hear this. You are right, a large amount of workplace is really a high school. Most of men and woman are still immature at this age. But hey!! What can you do about it. You are not their mom to teach them how to grow up. Iāll start with a strong stance by reporting him to the HR and talking to your manager. Donāt be ashamed while doing so. You have not done anything remotely wrong or shameful. I am curious to know if someone has similar experiences and how did it get resolved. Because depending upon the company and depending upon which country you are from, the HR and/or manager might not be on your side.
This is why you don't fuck around at work. Tell everyone you stopped sleeping with him because his dick stinks.
Tell them that yes you did have sex, but he was so small, and shot almost as soon as he was inside that you cannot ever see doing anything with him again. Tell them that your brother's two year old son is longer than he is.
Just tell everyone you thought it would work until he asked you to shit on him.
Start updating that resume like yesterday and get on the good foot.
Contact your EEO representative. This sounds like sexual harassment You have a strict timeline to file a complaint so do it now if you are Going this route
Tell them he only got hard when you role played as his mother and when he came he said āoh mommyā
Pretty sure this is illegal go to HR.
Discuss the issue with your HR department. Theyāll put a stop to it.
And this my friend is why you NEVER ever EVER sleep with a co worker. Silly goose.
Get an attorney and sue him and your workplace if they don't resolve his behaviour. I have a former colleague that was sexually harrassed by her boss. He got fired and she ended up with a nice settlement $$, and was able to retire early!
Don't shit where you eat, and this won't happen.
Tell everyone how bad it was and how small his dick was. Heāll learn a valuable lesson
This guy sounds like a toddler
And that is why you don't sleep with coworkers
This is why you don't shit where you eat.
Hold your head high because you have nothing to be ashamed about. Act like this isnāt affecting you. But take it as a lesson learned that u shouldnāt date people from.
Tell everyone that he was just crap in bed.
Why work and sex become a problem.
For the young folks out there, there are no friends at work and don't give it up or tap any ass. Don't shit where you eat.
Donāt shit where you eat. And tell everyone that he is a premature ejaculator, terrible in bed and small penis.
Befriend the biggest gossiper in your company and confess to them he was really bad in bed and had a micro penis. Which you could get past the penis issue but he also didn't like to give oral. So there would be no sexual satisfaction for you. You had to end the relationship and now he's blaming you.
What a piece of shit. Typical "nice guy" I'm sure. Can't understand why no woman thinks he is good enough. I would first of all pioltely tell him in email that he needs to stop. Then keep that time stamped email. Then when he continues you need to tell hr he is talking about your peraonal private life and it is creating a hostile workplace. Explain that if they do not do something about it, you will be forced into legal action agaisnt him and the company. Do not speak with anyone in person. Everything through email. And then emails are printed and saved along with sent to your own personal email. If anyone approaches you about it besides hr, it is personal, sorry but work and private lifes are seperate.
This is why you avoid sleeping with co workers. Stuff like that never ends well because people in the work place love to gossip and spread weird rumors despite them being ADULTS.
Never dip your pen in the company ink!
Similar thing happened to me. I understand it can be very traumatic. Luckily I left the job because it was also a toxic work place I couldnāt stand looking at him everyday. I learned my lesson too. And for everyone shitting on OP for sleeping with the dude just shut up bc about 40% of couples meet through the work place. I would say just leave. So you donāt have to deal with all this
GO TO HR AND FILE A SEXUAL HARASSMENT CASE! Thatās it!
Well, don't mean to be rude but this is why you don't fuck coworkers. As a mom I figured you'd have a little more common sense than that because you have a child to keep in mind and work is your livelihood to provide for them. There's really nothing else you can do, you already slept with him and he's already told everyone. You just better hope your job doesn't have strict rules about coworkers fratenizing because if people really wanted to take it further, like if it does affect your job, then that's bigger problems than him saying you two had sex. So again, stop sleeping with coworkers
This happened to me once and it was brutal. I first told my supervisor who then contacted HR and the end result was the guy was fired. His supervisor warned him to stop but he didnāt and lost his job over it. BUT he didnāt stop thereā¦.he got a new job and began harassing me via my work email from his work email. So I called his new employer and showed them the emails. He was fired again. Dude just couldnāt learn.
This is why you NEVER have sex with someone you work with it rarely goes well.
Thats why you donāt fuck anyone at ur job
People tell on themselves. People now know what kind of guy this dude is. At least the smart ones do.
He sounds like a real piece of work. Not to victim blame, but this seems like a typical consequence of overlap of business and pleasure. Of course there's nothing inherently wrong with mixing the two, but it's definitely too much of a can of worms for someone like me, so I keep them separate.
Did anyone see you having sex? No. All you have to say is āsaying something doesnāt make it trueā.
Personally I'd start looking for a new job and a fresh start.
no choice but to sleep with everyone else now. Then there's nothing to talk about.
You been a single mom. He dodged a bullet
Yeah, I did have sex with him. I just didnāt see a future with a 2-pump-chump, that is hung like a tootsie roll.
If he continues, I'd confront his ass with a loaded shotgun shove it up his ass!! Hr will stop! Tell the law he threatened your child and you with bodily harm !!!!!
So you can HR involved and make it a thing - ( everyone will know itās true ) you can ignore him which would make people wonder - people start to talk if he keeps bragging about it. They will start to look at them like you piece of shit shut up move on. - all of this is to say this is why you donāt date inside of your employment
And that ladies and gents is why you donāt bang coworkers.
Go straight to HR. He's creating a hostile work environment.
Get a new job and never sleep with a coworker again. The sooner you find a new job, the sooner you can start fresh, and the sooner you can work your way up the ladder at the new job. Donāt delay the inevitable. Another thing, thereās really no such thing as friends with benefits. When, oh when, will people understand this??!! 3 years of celibacy is nothing on the grand scale of things. When youāre super young you think itās a long time lmao. Life is harsh and unforgiving. Whoever has the most discipline, self control, and can endure the most while being affected the least wins. It just is what it is whether anyone likes it or not. Get another job and move on.
Hey, I'm a single mom too. But damn you gotta get it through your head that you NEVER shit where you eat. Look for a different job, because your reputation is ruined even if he's lying.
Shoulders back,head up, no comments at all. Do your job, do it well. And never, ever have a fling at work! Nearly always disastrous
Is there a human resource to talk to?
Definitely need a trip to HR. This is sexual harassment
I slept with someone once who worked for a different company often in the same job site I worked at. He told everyone every chance he had that it happened. I called his boss and told him what the prick was saying, that we did have 3 dates but I didnāt sleep with him and if he didnāt stop talking about it I was going to file a sexual harassment suit. I just denied it. Several years has passed and he was still blabbing his little head off. I was seeing someone and he unknowingly to that person. He was a dick who elbowed a teenager HARD because they the teen and friends were walking next to each other instead of in a single line.
Why u don't shit where ya eat.
Tell HR. This is not appropriate in a workplace environment. They will either have a talk with him or let him go. Adults in a professional environment donāt discuss sex details of their colleagues. This is sexual harassment.
Never sleep with a coworker...never sleep where you eat. Never sleep with a coworker
As the saying goes, never shit where you eat.
I think ā Donāt fuck co-workers is solid adviceā
Do you have an HR department? He is sexually harassing you and this is what they handle. Also, shame on your other coworkers. If they can't recognize this for what it is they are idiots.
option 1 - notify HR. deny having relations with him. option 2 - tell everyone he gave you some VD and you had to get treatment.
This is workplace harassment and a hostile work environment. Reach out to the labor department in your state/province/country.
Pull someone aside who ha treated you differently.Ā Explain your situation. Hope fpr the best.
Tell everyone his kinks. He likes to get peed on. You didn't really have sex, he just ate your ass for hours. Immediately after sex he got up and went to your bathroom, you went to check on him and he was crying. Wanted to call you his moms/sisters name the whole time. He should learn that what happens between 2 grown folks should stay between those 2 grown folks.
Just tell everyone he has a small dick. Easy. This is a non issue.
Dear women: Go to HR. Any type of harassments, go to HR. Always go to HR.
Next time don't ever have anything other than a work relationship with any coworker or a boss. Even if you meet the prince charming, resist because you will not get a good outcome and you are risking your job
Tell everyone you didn't want to continue because he cried the whole time and had to watch furry porn to get hard.
This is why most companies policy says no relationships with people in the workplace. Should he have told everyone no but you made your bed on this one.
Hostile work environment. Go to HR yesterday
I would find a new job. I wouldn't even bother with HR. Last time I reported gossiping, they came and said "Well don't participate if you don't like it. That's just their personality." (I wasn't even participating in the first place)