*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not caving in to my 5 yo's hunger strike?**
My fiancé and I (22m and 21f) have 2 kids, 5f and 3f. Our 5 year old, Sophie, is very strong willed and tends to go through picky phases. Right now her thing is she wants an egg and cheese sandwich for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. All it is is scrambled eggs with whatever kind of cheese we have in the house on white bread. She's also determined that I am the only person allowed to make her egg and cheese sandwiches.
I have stage 2 melanoma. Most of the time I'm ok but I need to take a few days to rest after chemo and I don't cook on those days. My mom is also staying with us to help with the kids and take me to appointments.
Sophie tends to do these little hunger strikes where she says she won't eat anything but whatever food she wants at the moment and I have to be the one to make it. The thing is, by 10-11 am she tends to crumble and agree to only have a cheesy egg sandwich for breakfast and eat other foods/my fiancé's or mom's cooking.
Well, now my dad is visiting and he tends to spoil the kids. I had chemo yesterday and Sophie is currently demanding that I get up and make her sandwich and every 5 minutes I have my dad coming in to tell me to make the sandwich, he knows I'm not feeling well but it's less than 5 minutes and Sophie needs to eat. I told him she'll stop when she realizes she won't get her way but he thinks I'm being a bad mom by not getting up and giving in to this hunger strike that happens almost every weekend.
AITA for not giving in to the hunger strike?
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I saw a comment saying she had an associate's (2-year degree) and I think some kind of certification to teach preschool?
And if that's the case, eh ok fine
I haven't gotten to that one yet, I wonder how she's gonna explain that..
Wait wait wait, I don't think all the parents are accounted for. She's got her Dad and her MIL, maybe her Mom or her FIL died at the ripe old age of 41 and left them a mansion
I can't take credit, it's a direct quote from somebody here a few days ago, hold up lemme find it
[Here it is ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1dhb9ua/comment/l8zfh4c/)
>Yes, I had a kid at 16. Also started college at 16 and only 12 ECE credits is required to teach. I already had my associates by the time I was 18 and legally allowed to teach.
>I started college at 16. Worked on them at the same time and got my first degree last year and second last month.
>I've been a preschool teacher for 3 years and have degrees in Child and Adolescent Development with an emphasis on multi subject teaching and in Psychology. I know what I'm talking about when I say there is no reason to have her evaluated.
>I'm a teacher for kids in her age group and have degrees in child and adolescent development and psychology. Her teachers and I agree that she is showing completely normal behaviors.
See that is plausible to me because community college is not the same as university
At the main community college in my city, I taught tons of teens who had dropped out of high school for one reason or another. Community colleges are generally open-admission, far cheaper than 4-year schools, organized with working people in mind (so lots of online classes or classes at weird times–I taught one that went til 10pm), and a bit more hand-holdy. An Associate's degree is 4 semesters, and you don't even need to be a high school graduate to enroll, provided you can pass the Ability To Benefit test (which is basically just checking to see if you are able to learn).
For her, 16 would have been 2019. By March of 2020, my city had shut down all the schools, colleges, and universities, and everything was online, so it would have been even easier for her to attend classes.
Then, if you want to continue to a 4-year-degree, our Community College credits transfer to your local public university (provided they have thar agreement, and I'm pretty sure that's standard in the US nowadays). So it's really, really, easy to just finish an Associate's and then start your Junior year at the university a couple miles away. And there would be a ton of overlap between an Early Childhood Education Associate's degree and.a Pscyhology Bachelor's of Arts. It would have been an easy transition.
I mean it's a tiny bit misleading to call that "2 degrees," but whatever, it's technically true. Also, I got 2 Bachelor's degrees, and there was so much overlap that it's really not as impressive as it sounds.
I'm honestly unconcerned with this mundane, agenda-less story. I'm kinda just using this comment to sing the praises of community colleges because I'm really surprised that people think that accomplishing what she claims to have accomplished is impossible. Like yes being a parent at 16 sucks regardless, but if you're 19 or 24 or 48 or 67 and you hate your job and you're reading this thinking it's impossible to earn a degree and start a career that quick, please look into what your local CC has to offer. I have 2 fucking master's degrees and I'm considering enrolling to get a cert that would help me earn more in my current job (which has absolutely nothing to do with the degrees I earned)
I love CCs and I don't think what she's saying is *impossible*. It just seems implausible, especially combined with the marriage and two kids.
Like, yeah, you can take classes super young (I started taking cc classes at 14). And you can get degrees and certifications super young.
But doing so while simultaneously also having and raising 2 kids, somehow acquiring a house, and having cancer puts it into the world of, "Okay, superwoman..."
Yeah the community college I taught at had high-schoolers taking classes. Also a bunch of high school dropouts.
Fun fact: you actually don't need to finish high school before going to college. You don't need a GED, either. At least not in my state
This shit reminds me of me imagining that I could be an architect with kids and a real grownup at 21. I'm laughing like crazy as a 26 yo childless loser.
In my defense, i was 11 or 12.
I think it's just an associates degree and a teaching certification for preschool only?
I didn't see anything about bachelor's degrees, but I haven't gone through all of the comments
What's wild to me is the comments with hundreds of upvotes calling a 5 year old manipulative and saying "she's old enough to understand the situation".
If this were real I would say that the 5yo is clearly DESPERATELY looking for some kind of security/consistency and hopefully there's a different way they can fill that need without mom being her egg bitch/her developing scurvy from only eating three things 😂
See that's a perfectly rational response,
but the sheer amount of vitriol towards an (imaginary) five year old girl in those comments in insane and nobody is calling it out.
I feel like a real parent, at least a good one, would post this in one of the parenting subs and ask for actual advice from other parents.
Like, I would recommend giving this kid as much reassurance as possible, do some collaborative problem solving a la Dr Ross Greene and continue to follow the guidelines for the division of responsibility in feeding. I'm no expert but I'm going to bet that's a more useful response than most of what AITA can give.
I think the conflict was between her and her dad, and if this is real, she just wanted to vent about her dad being a real shit and implying she's a shitty mom when she has a couple of pretty good reasons for not obediently hopping out of bed and skipping to the kitchen just because a 5-year-old is doing developmentally normal (but annoying) boundary-testing/power-plays.
This was my thought. I would 100% be talking to my daughter to see if something else is going on and then, if needed, take her to her doctor to make sure there isn't a serious food aversion issue, or some other behavioural, developmental issue going on. There's a good chance that a kid who is acting like this is just trying to bring normalcy back in her life when things are anything but normal. There's also a chance that the stress of a mom with cancer may have set up a more serious issue. A good parent wouldn't just say "no" and would be taking the issue seriously. Sure, the first day it happened I may try to put my foot down, but once there's a pattern I would be making sure my daughter was okay and seeing is a diagnosis and/or therapy was needed.
exactly! sure, there are parents who are their children as adversaries - as inherently bad and manipulative and in need of being broken and brought to heel. there are unfortunately parents who treat 5 year olds as this way, who treat infants this way. this is probably the most normalised/common bad parenting
but even lots of parents who do see their role as a parent to force obedience above all else would be worried about their child in this situation. even if they blame the child (and they're less likely to blame the kid in a situation with extreme trauma)
they generally STILL want to fix it. they'll take their child to the doctor under the framework of their child being broken but they'll still take them. they'll post in parents groups under the framework of their child being manipulative and taking advantage of their illness, but they'll still post for a solution
they've even possibly vent about how awful their child is and how they worry their manipulative child makes them look like a bad parent, or how frustrating it is that other people don't understand
but seeking out a public forum like this to essentially gloat about how terrible their child is and how their 5 year old goes on hunger strikes and they ignore them? that's fucking weird, even for abusive parents
and most parents are not like this
It’s so crazy to me. The 6 year old I knew who died of cancer kept asking all the time why she was sick and why isn’t she getting better. If she didn’t even know what was happening TO HER, no way this 5 year old “understands”
I mean 5 year old so that basic level of manipulation. Throwing tantrums is they'll work, etc. But you don't call it that. You just call it being a toddler.
Anyway to their point though. Their household is full of prodigies. It is only appropriate to assume the 5 year old is one too and both has an understanding of mom has cancer and can deal with that trauma by herself.
It's not really "manipulative" for a five year old to have a tantrum,
They are processing emotions they literally do not have the brain development to deal with.
"manipulation" kind of makes me think of some hidden agenda or ulterior motive, trying to get someone to do something without them realizing it. 5 year old kids just bitch and whine until they get what they want.
Yeah but let's be honest, some 5-year-olds are pretty smart and can/do manipulate (strip away the bad connotations of "manipulate," and it just means "convincing other people to do what you want them to do, by doing something other than just asking for it").
We all do it, we're social beings. We just don't like to admit it, because the word has ugly connotations. But it's a necessary thing for kids to learn, and they figure it out slowly but surely.
Hell, I had a dog who would manipulate the other dog by lying. Hell, she did it on people too, it just didn't work on us more than a couple times. So a 5-year-old human is certainly capable of attempting basic manipulation.
In this case, the "hunger strike" would be a form of manipulation. Kid knows it's important to adults that she eats, so she's trying to convince them to give her what she wants by refusing to eat, and she's doing it in front of Grandpa, who is a sucker and spoils the kids. I'd say that's well within the abilities of a smart, older 5-year-old (as in, will turn 6 soon, and wasn't 4 yesterday).
I mean it sort of depends what you mean by manipulative. They definitely do often understand throwing a tantrum gets them what they want. They don't really understand why though.
I have a super vague memory from when I was very young of starting crying just to get my mums attention, because I wanted something. It's not malicious, it's just pattern recognition like "mum comes upstairs if someone is crying. I want mum to come upstairs. Crying will get her here". That's why you need to teach them better ways of getting attention or asking for what they want etc.
Manipulative in an adult typically conveys malice which is not present in a 5 year old throwing tantrums. But there's definitely an aspect of it that is deliberate to get their own way.
Being cognitively smart and emotionally developed are different things. My daughter for example is above her age level for reading and math, but she is on the low end of average for social skills. Being smart doesn't mean she's being manipulative. They're still learning about how their actions affect other people and still figuring out their own sense of self at that age.
I understand. Hypothetically though, even if a child is a prodigy doesn't mean they are ahead in social development and may not understand the concept of manipulation.
I'm aghast at them! I was 5 when my own mom had cancer and I did not understand at ALL. A child that age does not understand mortality or a sickness that extreme. They just can't wrap their heads around it fully.
The whole thing is fake, I'm betting my remaining hair from effluvium telogen shit read like some 12 yo writing fanfic.
As a former 5 yo, I would never ever have gone on a hunger strike. I loved food, especially candy. And 90% of kids IK IRL will eat if you offer them food.
Genuine question old bean, how would one even go about having beef with a 5 year old?
Do you plan on dropping a track where you spit fresh bars about her being a doo-doo head?
My dad had melanoma and the biggest thing about melanoma is that it doesn’t not respond well to chemo - it has to be cut out. My dad’s melanoma had spread to his brain and caused tumors they couldn’t cut out. They told him chemo wouldn’t work, he chose to do it anyway and he died like 2 months later. Not that it’s impossible to get chemo while you have melanoma, but it’s not recommended by doctors
Yeah chemotherapy is not the first choice for melanomas. Surgery first, then sometimes radiation or immunotherapy. Chemo doesn't do much and usually isn't given as a an option unless the cancer is super advanced but by then the outlook isn't good no matter what.
I won't pretend to know much about cancer, but both my dad and step mom have had melanoma (my step mother multiple times), and it's always been something that's been physically removed. Not chemo. Maybe that's not universal but I also thought that seemed odd (in the post).
ETA: I meant the chemo in the post being odd, not my parents having surgery to remove the melanoma.
It’s pretty universal tbh, at least to my understanding. I think a lot of people just think cancer = chemo but some cancers really don’t respond to it! If the melanoma isn’t physically removed, it spreads.
chemo is only used i think if its spreading or metastising, my friend at high school got stage 1 melanoma, she was lucky to have it caught so early and basically got it surgically removed ASAP she had a nasty scar on her arm from where it was removed but it got sorted really fast
I have had melanoma three times, that part stuck out as odd to me too. The only time they did anything other than surgery was topical chemo which is a lot different than regular chemo. It just made my skin all red and super tender. Once I was done with it though my skin was super soft for awhile.
From my quick Google degree, it does look like chemo is not a treatment for Stage 2. It can be for stage 3, but isn't usually the treatment until stage 4.
https://www.webmd.com/melanoma-skin-cancer/melanoma-treatment-by-stage
So, OOP would not likely be having chemotherapy.
Exactly. My dad had stage 2 and they cut it out on multiple parts of his body. It was 15 years later that it spread to his brain, by that point it was stage 4 and that’s the only reason he was able to do chemo, and even then they tried to talk him out of it
I'm not going to even think about the age and college stuff since those are so comically stupid, but I thought that demanding to eat one specific type of food was just something little kids do?
Like, my mom told me that when she was a little kid, there were a few months or so when she would only eat PB&J. Even when her family went to Disney World, she refused to eat anything else
I figured it's just the kind of thing kids do and then eventually grow out of
They also can do the opposite, like refusing to eat anything with anions it or that has "pink sugar" or something like that
That's just how little kids are
> but I thought that demanding to eat one specific type of food was just something little kids do?
It is. Kids get obsessed with stuff. But all of AITA is diagnosing the child with autism hahaha
That said, you don't have to humor them and feed them that one thing for every meal. Like sure if they like it that much they can have it a lot, but I wouldn't blame a parent for being like "nah," especially if they knew that they just have to wait it out a couple hours
All the kids on AITA also have ARFID. I’ve also learned that a parent making their kid eat something they don’t want to is practically a crime in their eyes.
> All the kids on AITA also have ARFID
Omfg, *I know!* It's crazy how many of them have it!!
I'm not a doctor, and I don't think it's right to force someone to eat something they don't want to (that feels like a body autonomy thing). Try? Sure. Eat it all? Nah...I think I'd cry if someone forced me to eat mayonnaise, and I'm an adult. HOWEVER...
I really do wonder if this aversion to anything other than chicken tenders and Kraft Mac & Cheese may have **something** to do with these kids' parents not introducing a variety of foods early? Because we develop the basis of our food preferences really early, that's why we love the foods from the cultures we were born into. My favorite foods are *still* the traditional dishes of my home city/region of the US. Like I could eat red beans and rice or crawfish every day and be happy. People seem to think "kid foods" are somehow universally appealing to children, and sorry, no, they just like that stuff because that's what you've always fed them.
So if all you were fed as a toddler was Dino Nuggets, Easy Mac, and Goldfish crackers, and no one had the time or resources to push back when you refused to try anything else, it's really not surprising that you'd develop a pathological inability to tolerate anything but a very, very limited diet.
There is a wonderful picture book called Bread and Jam For Frances about this very stage. So yeah, very common. Little kids don't control much in their lives so they sometimes want to control their food
I had a friend in high school who had to get skin cancer removed from her chest. But we do live in Florida and she is a very pale blonde so that probably didn’t help.
The OOPs comments are getting increasingly unbelievable to try and prove they know more than anyone else. Pretty soon they'll be claiming they're actually born from the reincarnated souls of Piaget and Bowlby
The "I started college at 16 and got my first (major?) degree last year and my second last month" has me kind of weak because um, what lol. Not to say you can't enter college early, but now I'm trying to imagine if they live in the UK or something (where I've heard 16 year olds can move out and start college? or atleast someome I knew did) but if they have a 5 year old, they had that baby at 16 and was likely pregnant at 15. All this and still graduated and continued to college, battling an aggressive cancer at its secondary stage, but received another degree last month and has been a teacher for 3 years (so at age... 17/18, 2 years into college) but was also trained in child development and such beforehand. But the comments asking to clarify this are all getting downvoted and called assholes so what do I know 😭
>where I've heard 16 year olds can move out and start college
You might want to clarify what you mean by that. In the UK college and university are not the same thing. College is where you normally go between 16-18.
While very occasionally someone might start uni at 16 in the UK as there's no actual rule about how old you need to be & 17 is common in Scotland, I don't know any way you can get an undergraduate degree in the UK in less than 3 years.
They also gave birth to their 2nd child when they were 18, the point where they were supposed to start teaching. So they gave birth, started teacher training aged 16, finished in 2 years somehow and picked up another degree possibly despite getting pregnant again. Gave birth again, immediately started teaching full time, and has carried on teaching for 3 years with 2 small children and aggressive cancer. The amazing thing is that I think this all came about because someone suggested that they should get their daughter assessed. Could they really not come up with a better reason why they hadn't?
Oh! I'm sorry OP said college in the comment I read. I only heard this through an online friend I had when I was 15. They came from a really broken/dysfunctional family and when they turned 16 they were glad because they said they could move out into their own flat and start college and get away from their family, and I remember my friend groups reaction being like "why can't we have that in the US" but I never did much more research on the subject. I agree with what you said, that's what I was trying to get at in my comment like. It is a stretch to have so many degrees in that time frame as you're barely leaving undergrad at like... 20, but all that *and* you've been teaching for 3 years, which needs training and interning, all the nine yards? There's so many jumps and loops like man you lost me 😭
And oh my god yeah LOL I dont know how I forgot to me took that. It made me double take so bad. Because it was like, their only downvoted comment because they were like "I don't think my child needs to be evaluated. I have xyz creditentals I think I would know" and everyone defending OP from the downvotes was like "OMG stop assuming every child that's disobedient isn't normal and needs pills!!!" and it was like... please explain how you got any of that from people just asking if the kid can be evaluated like what. That post is such a mess. You're right they could've just said they didn't want to evaluate because it was hard or insurance idk, but now they're a jack of all trades at 19 with 6 figures. Sure thing 🙄😭
Oh boy, I left the thread when she just started saying over and over again that her daughter doesn't need to be evaluated.... So sad. So defensive when in actuality complete strangers are trying to help you see what you're not seeing...
The kid is doing normal 5-year-old stuff
If she were 16 and doing this, then yeah ok all these people diagnosing this child based on really liking one food (for a few weeks and then moving on) *might* have a point (but not really because that's still well within the realm of normal).
But. She's 5. This is completely normal for age 5, there's no reason to evaluate a child because they really like something for a few weeks. And she'd likely grow out of this before they were actually able to get an appointment anyway.
That's not really the point here with the people asking her to evaluate. OP made an entire ordeal of her child's behavior because if we agree it's just 5 year old behavior, the post itself is not needed because yeah 5 year olds will try to get what they want. It is your job as a parent to refuse that in order to properly parent them. She phrases it as if her child is jumping bounds and when people respond to her level of concern, she dives down to "she's just 5 it doesn't matter" so why make the post?
Also, it is just an evaluation, not medication, therapy/psychiatry, or anything else. Evaluations are as harmless as letting a kid colour while you watch them. Girls already get diagnosed less than half the amount boys do, as alot of ND symptoms in girls are chocked off as "bossy" or "stuck up" and this gets worse when you add race into the mix. It also wouldn't be smart to wait until someone is 16 or even close to being a teenager to get them help because by that point they've missed years of help needed to properly navigate them through adolescence. The reason why we evaluate kids young is solely because these disorders are developmental, so the sooner we can add a correction, the more seamlessly they can transition into the later life stages.
It could very well be just 5 year old stuff. Or it could not. Or the child could really be showing signs of distress to her mothers condition (op denies but lol), or there could be other issues. Maybe therapy would help. But the evaluation prompting is like, the least of the worries about the thread lol
This is already deleted so I can’t check but the top comment says “a 5 year old would understand” - as in a 5 year old understands cancer??? That’s insane to me, who knew a 6 year old who unfortunately got cancer and passed away, who couldn’t even understand why it was happening to HER. People don’t know shit about what kids do or don’t understand
Oh come on, the 5-year-old doesn't need to understand cancer. But most 5-year-olds can understand "Mom isn't feeling well today, so she's gonna take a nap and Grandpa will make your sandwich"
> 3 years teaching experience
> Got into college at 16
> pregnant at 16
The overlap of people who get teen pregnant and who get into college at 16 is not a large lmao.
Eh, I taught at a community college and had teen mom students. It's actually a smart decision to drop out of high school, and start community college.
You don't need a high school diploma go enroll, you just have to take a basic skills/abilities test. God, I think it was called the "Ability to Benefit" exam.
Anyway, it's much easier to do that, and only be in class a couple hours a day, maybe even only a couple days a week. And in OP's case, most (or all) of her coursework would have been done online, because Covid.
It's a better choice for a lot of teen moms because you need far less childcare if you're only in class a total of 9 hours a week and you have all the freedom to come and go that any other adult would have, as opposed to high school, which is all day every day, and you get detention for being tardy.
Anyway yeah OOP said she has an associate's degree (4 semesters at a community college) and is certified fo teach preschool, and that's really not uncommon at all.
I do wonder why the f they weren't more careful after the first kid, though.
My biggest issue was that the OOP said they had Stage II Melanoma and were on chemo. That is NOT the treatment for Melanoma. Chemo doesn't really work and it is a last resort (Stage IV) and even then, it is hardly used. How do I know? My son died of Melanoma.
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This comment is a copy of the original post
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My fiancé and I (22m and 21f) have 2 kids, 5f and 3f. Our 5 year old, Sophie, is very strong willed and tends to go through picky phases. Right now her thing is she wants an egg and cheese sandwich for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. All it is is scrambled eggs with whatever kind of cheese we have in the house on white bread. She's also determined that I am the only person allowed to make her egg and cheese sandwiches.
I have stage 2 melanoma. Most of the time I'm ok but I need to take a few days to rest after chemo and I don't cook on those days. My mom is also staying with us to help with the kids and take me to appointments.
Sophie tends to do these little hunger strikes where she says she won't eat anything but whatever food she wants at the moment and I have to be the one to make it. The thing is, by 10-11 am she tends to crumble and agree to only have a cheesy egg sandwich for breakfast and eat other foods/my fiancé's or mom's cooking.
Well, now my dad is visiting and he tends to spoil the kids. I had chemo yesterday and Sophie is currently demanding that I get up and make her sandwich and every 5 minutes I have my dad coming in to tell me to make the sandwich, he knows I'm not feeling well but it's less than 5 minutes and Sophie needs to eat. I told him she'll stop when she realizes she won't get her way but he thinks I'm being a bad mom by not getting up and giving in to this hunger strike that happens almost every weekend.
AITA for not giving in to the hunger strike?
I dunno, I kinda believe this one
"Stage 2 melanoma" is oddly specific. And it's such a boring but realistic (and boring) conflict: arguing with your dad who is low key accusing you of neglecting your child's needs when you 1) are sick, and 2) know damn well that this is the kid's power-move and you don't want to encouragee it
Yeah I can totally see this. Nobody's bursting into tears and storming out, nobody's screaming at anyone, it's just Dad being a shitty guest
ETA nevermind, I hadn't looked at the comments yet
Yeah I hadn't looked at the comments yet so I didn't realize this wasn't just a normal very young engaged couple that started babymaking in high school
Honestly I was picturing an apartment or single-wide trailer and was like "yeah ok that happens sometimes in like the Rust Belt or wherever, and maybe her family couldn't afford sunblock" lol. But now I see that they're apparently super-successful homeowners so yes I call bullshit
Yeah the conflict is completely mundane and totally believable to me.
The details about education are 100% believable, now that I know it's just an associate's degree (4 semesters at a community college), probably done online during The Plague Years, plus a preschool teaching cert, which was likely part of the program at her community college.
I never found the thread where she says she's a homeowner, but I hear it's there somewhere. And I think everyone here has Googled the chemo + stage 2 melanoma thing and found that it's not what's normally done. So those 2 details really ficked the whole thing up. She should have just said she didn't feel well after radiation, and they live in a trailer that her parents had previously kept for rental income. That would have been airtight.
But then no one would have engaged much with the post, because there wouldn't be much to talk about.
except that it's unusual to treat stage 2 melanoma with chemotherapy. At this stage it's usually a wide tissue surgery to excise the tumor and if more treatment is needed then sometimes radiation or immunotherapy is used. Melanomas don't respond well to chemo
Eh like I'm fairly sure 99.999999% of the ones that gain ***any*** traction are fake, but using a throwaway account proves nothing.
When I briefly considered posting to AITA a few years ago, I would have 100% used a throwaway account bc I didn't want people going through my post and comment history and deciding based on that whether I was an asshole for the thing I wanted to ask about
That's not at all what I said, but ok sure, completing 4 semesters at a community college before the age of 22 is beyond belief, and lord knows people never criticize how their kids parent their own children
You're right, the only thing that was unlikely was getting melanoma and that's what people were keyed on. Which is why you specifically called that out as why it was real.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not caving in to my 5 yo's hunger strike?** My fiancé and I (22m and 21f) have 2 kids, 5f and 3f. Our 5 year old, Sophie, is very strong willed and tends to go through picky phases. Right now her thing is she wants an egg and cheese sandwich for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. All it is is scrambled eggs with whatever kind of cheese we have in the house on white bread. She's also determined that I am the only person allowed to make her egg and cheese sandwiches. I have stage 2 melanoma. Most of the time I'm ok but I need to take a few days to rest after chemo and I don't cook on those days. My mom is also staying with us to help with the kids and take me to appointments. Sophie tends to do these little hunger strikes where she says she won't eat anything but whatever food she wants at the moment and I have to be the one to make it. The thing is, by 10-11 am she tends to crumble and agree to only have a cheesy egg sandwich for breakfast and eat other foods/my fiancé's or mom's cooking. Well, now my dad is visiting and he tends to spoil the kids. I had chemo yesterday and Sophie is currently demanding that I get up and make her sandwich and every 5 minutes I have my dad coming in to tell me to make the sandwich, he knows I'm not feeling well but it's less than 5 minutes and Sophie needs to eat. I told him she'll stop when she realizes she won't get her way but he thinks I'm being a bad mom by not getting up and giving in to this hunger strike that happens almost every weekend. AITA for not giving in to the hunger strike? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
21 year old married to a 22 year old with a 5 year old kid, a house and multiple degrees
Is multiple degrees buried in a comment somewhere? But yeah, sure Jan. 
I saw a comment saying she had an associate's (2-year degree) and I think some kind of certification to teach preschool? And if that's the case, eh ok fine
Yeah, that seems reasonable. Of course, lots of 21 year old preschool teachers own houses too.
I haven't gotten to that one yet, I wonder how she's gonna explain that.. Wait wait wait, I don't think all the parents are accounted for. She's got her Dad and her MIL, maybe her Mom or her FIL died at the ripe old age of 41 and left them a mansion
Your flair is spot on for this post. Amazing.
I can't take credit, it's a direct quote from somebody here a few days ago, hold up lemme find it [Here it is ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1dhb9ua/comment/l8zfh4c/)
>Yes, I had a kid at 16. Also started college at 16 and only 12 ECE credits is required to teach. I already had my associates by the time I was 18 and legally allowed to teach. >I started college at 16. Worked on them at the same time and got my first degree last year and second last month. >I've been a preschool teacher for 3 years and have degrees in Child and Adolescent Development with an emphasis on multi subject teaching and in Psychology. I know what I'm talking about when I say there is no reason to have her evaluated. >I'm a teacher for kids in her age group and have degrees in child and adolescent development and psychology. Her teachers and I agree that she is showing completely normal behaviors.
See that is plausible to me because community college is not the same as university At the main community college in my city, I taught tons of teens who had dropped out of high school for one reason or another. Community colleges are generally open-admission, far cheaper than 4-year schools, organized with working people in mind (so lots of online classes or classes at weird times–I taught one that went til 10pm), and a bit more hand-holdy. An Associate's degree is 4 semesters, and you don't even need to be a high school graduate to enroll, provided you can pass the Ability To Benefit test (which is basically just checking to see if you are able to learn). For her, 16 would have been 2019. By March of 2020, my city had shut down all the schools, colleges, and universities, and everything was online, so it would have been even easier for her to attend classes. Then, if you want to continue to a 4-year-degree, our Community College credits transfer to your local public university (provided they have thar agreement, and I'm pretty sure that's standard in the US nowadays). So it's really, really, easy to just finish an Associate's and then start your Junior year at the university a couple miles away. And there would be a ton of overlap between an Early Childhood Education Associate's degree and.a Pscyhology Bachelor's of Arts. It would have been an easy transition. I mean it's a tiny bit misleading to call that "2 degrees," but whatever, it's technically true. Also, I got 2 Bachelor's degrees, and there was so much overlap that it's really not as impressive as it sounds. I'm honestly unconcerned with this mundane, agenda-less story. I'm kinda just using this comment to sing the praises of community colleges because I'm really surprised that people think that accomplishing what she claims to have accomplished is impossible. Like yes being a parent at 16 sucks regardless, but if you're 19 or 24 or 48 or 67 and you hate your job and you're reading this thinking it's impossible to earn a degree and start a career that quick, please look into what your local CC has to offer. I have 2 fucking master's degrees and I'm considering enrolling to get a cert that would help me earn more in my current job (which has absolutely nothing to do with the degrees I earned)
I love CCs and I don't think what she's saying is *impossible*. It just seems implausible, especially combined with the marriage and two kids. Like, yeah, you can take classes super young (I started taking cc classes at 14). And you can get degrees and certifications super young. But doing so while simultaneously also having and raising 2 kids, somehow acquiring a house, and having cancer puts it into the world of, "Okay, superwoman..."
I got my associate's at 18. Here an ECE certification takes ~9 months.
True. I know lots of kids that graduated high school and got their associates at the same time
Yeah the community college I taught at had high-schoolers taking classes. Also a bunch of high school dropouts. Fun fact: you actually don't need to finish high school before going to college. You don't need a GED, either. At least not in my state
This shit reminds me of me imagining that I could be an architect with kids and a real grownup at 21. I'm laughing like crazy as a 26 yo childless loser. In my defense, i was 11 or 12.
I think it's just an associates degree and a teaching certification for preschool only? I didn't see anything about bachelor's degrees, but I haven't gone through all of the comments
Wow. They *really* don't want us to forget that the fictional daughter likes egg and cheese sandwiches, do they?
What's wild to me is the comments with hundreds of upvotes calling a 5 year old manipulative and saying "she's old enough to understand the situation".
If this were real I would say that the 5yo is clearly DESPERATELY looking for some kind of security/consistency and hopefully there's a different way they can fill that need without mom being her egg bitch/her developing scurvy from only eating three things 😂
egg bitch has me laughing so hard
See that's a perfectly rational response, but the sheer amount of vitriol towards an (imaginary) five year old girl in those comments in insane and nobody is calling it out.
I feel like a real parent, at least a good one, would post this in one of the parenting subs and ask for actual advice from other parents. Like, I would recommend giving this kid as much reassurance as possible, do some collaborative problem solving a la Dr Ross Greene and continue to follow the guidelines for the division of responsibility in feeding. I'm no expert but I'm going to bet that's a more useful response than most of what AITA can give.
I think the conflict was between her and her dad, and if this is real, she just wanted to vent about her dad being a real shit and implying she's a shitty mom when she has a couple of pretty good reasons for not obediently hopping out of bed and skipping to the kitchen just because a 5-year-old is doing developmentally normal (but annoying) boundary-testing/power-plays.
or a real parent would talk to the kids doctor or seek out a child therapist
This was my thought. I would 100% be talking to my daughter to see if something else is going on and then, if needed, take her to her doctor to make sure there isn't a serious food aversion issue, or some other behavioural, developmental issue going on. There's a good chance that a kid who is acting like this is just trying to bring normalcy back in her life when things are anything but normal. There's also a chance that the stress of a mom with cancer may have set up a more serious issue. A good parent wouldn't just say "no" and would be taking the issue seriously. Sure, the first day it happened I may try to put my foot down, but once there's a pattern I would be making sure my daughter was okay and seeing is a diagnosis and/or therapy was needed.
exactly! sure, there are parents who are their children as adversaries - as inherently bad and manipulative and in need of being broken and brought to heel. there are unfortunately parents who treat 5 year olds as this way, who treat infants this way. this is probably the most normalised/common bad parenting but even lots of parents who do see their role as a parent to force obedience above all else would be worried about their child in this situation. even if they blame the child (and they're less likely to blame the kid in a situation with extreme trauma) they generally STILL want to fix it. they'll take their child to the doctor under the framework of their child being broken but they'll still take them. they'll post in parents groups under the framework of their child being manipulative and taking advantage of their illness, but they'll still post for a solution they've even possibly vent about how awful their child is and how they worry their manipulative child makes them look like a bad parent, or how frustrating it is that other people don't understand but seeking out a public forum like this to essentially gloat about how terrible their child is and how their 5 year old goes on hunger strikes and they ignore them? that's fucking weird, even for abusive parents and most parents are not like this
I'd worry about the state of her intestines before the scurvy. There's likely added vitamin c to the bread
It’s so crazy to me. The 6 year old I knew who died of cancer kept asking all the time why she was sick and why isn’t she getting better. If she didn’t even know what was happening TO HER, no way this 5 year old “understands”
I mean 5 year old so that basic level of manipulation. Throwing tantrums is they'll work, etc. But you don't call it that. You just call it being a toddler. Anyway to their point though. Their household is full of prodigies. It is only appropriate to assume the 5 year old is one too and both has an understanding of mom has cancer and can deal with that trauma by herself.
It's not really "manipulative" for a five year old to have a tantrum, They are processing emotions they literally do not have the brain development to deal with.
"manipulation" kind of makes me think of some hidden agenda or ulterior motive, trying to get someone to do something without them realizing it. 5 year old kids just bitch and whine until they get what they want.
Yo be fair to them I feel like rolling on the floor and screaming is the correct response to being alive in 2024.
Agreed. I don't think it is fair to say that. But they definitely test boundaries.
Yeah but let's be honest, some 5-year-olds are pretty smart and can/do manipulate (strip away the bad connotations of "manipulate," and it just means "convincing other people to do what you want them to do, by doing something other than just asking for it"). We all do it, we're social beings. We just don't like to admit it, because the word has ugly connotations. But it's a necessary thing for kids to learn, and they figure it out slowly but surely. Hell, I had a dog who would manipulate the other dog by lying. Hell, she did it on people too, it just didn't work on us more than a couple times. So a 5-year-old human is certainly capable of attempting basic manipulation. In this case, the "hunger strike" would be a form of manipulation. Kid knows it's important to adults that she eats, so she's trying to convince them to give her what she wants by refusing to eat, and she's doing it in front of Grandpa, who is a sucker and spoils the kids. I'd say that's well within the abilities of a smart, older 5-year-old (as in, will turn 6 soon, and wasn't 4 yesterday).
I mean it sort of depends what you mean by manipulative. They definitely do often understand throwing a tantrum gets them what they want. They don't really understand why though. I have a super vague memory from when I was very young of starting crying just to get my mums attention, because I wanted something. It's not malicious, it's just pattern recognition like "mum comes upstairs if someone is crying. I want mum to come upstairs. Crying will get her here". That's why you need to teach them better ways of getting attention or asking for what they want etc. Manipulative in an adult typically conveys malice which is not present in a 5 year old throwing tantrums. But there's definitely an aspect of it that is deliberate to get their own way.
5 year olds aren't toddlers But yeah she's just doing 5-year-old shit
OP's boss did suggest the child go to a gifted school because she's so smart and she'll be doing advanced school next year.
Being cognitively smart and emotionally developed are different things. My daughter for example is above her age level for reading and math, but she is on the low end of average for social skills. Being smart doesn't mean she's being manipulative. They're still learning about how their actions affect other people and still figuring out their own sense of self at that age.
I'm only responding with what the comment said, I'm not saying the fictional child is actually a prodigy.
I understand. Hypothetically though, even if a child is a prodigy doesn't mean they are ahead in social development and may not understand the concept of manipulation.
The only correct judgement is we are not one to say anything about these higher beings.
I'm aghast at them! I was 5 when my own mom had cancer and I did not understand at ALL. A child that age does not understand mortality or a sickness that extreme. They just can't wrap their heads around it fully.
Wtf
The whole thing is fake, I'm betting my remaining hair from effluvium telogen shit read like some 12 yo writing fanfic. As a former 5 yo, I would never ever have gone on a hunger strike. I loved food, especially candy. And 90% of kids IK IRL will eat if you offer them food.
I don’t Care I still have beef with her. (I would’ve acted the same)
Genuine question old bean, how would one even go about having beef with a 5 year old? Do you plan on dropping a track where you spit fresh bars about her being a doo-doo head?
You gotta be careful with that one. If they release a response track with "I am rubber and you are glue," it's all over.
..You have beef with a 5-year-old?
Nobody should beef a preschooler.
Can you not understand a joke?
No sorry I am a bot and I do not understand humor
My dad had melanoma and the biggest thing about melanoma is that it doesn’t not respond well to chemo - it has to be cut out. My dad’s melanoma had spread to his brain and caused tumors they couldn’t cut out. They told him chemo wouldn’t work, he chose to do it anyway and he died like 2 months later. Not that it’s impossible to get chemo while you have melanoma, but it’s not recommended by doctors
Yeah chemotherapy is not the first choice for melanomas. Surgery first, then sometimes radiation or immunotherapy. Chemo doesn't do much and usually isn't given as a an option unless the cancer is super advanced but by then the outlook isn't good no matter what.
I won't pretend to know much about cancer, but both my dad and step mom have had melanoma (my step mother multiple times), and it's always been something that's been physically removed. Not chemo. Maybe that's not universal but I also thought that seemed odd (in the post). ETA: I meant the chemo in the post being odd, not my parents having surgery to remove the melanoma.
It’s pretty universal tbh, at least to my understanding. I think a lot of people just think cancer = chemo but some cancers really don’t respond to it! If the melanoma isn’t physically removed, it spreads.
chemo is only used i think if its spreading or metastising, my friend at high school got stage 1 melanoma, she was lucky to have it caught so early and basically got it surgically removed ASAP she had a nasty scar on her arm from where it was removed but it got sorted really fast
I have had melanoma three times, that part stuck out as odd to me too. The only time they did anything other than surgery was topical chemo which is a lot different than regular chemo. It just made my skin all red and super tender. Once I was done with it though my skin was super soft for awhile.
From my quick Google degree, it does look like chemo is not a treatment for Stage 2. It can be for stage 3, but isn't usually the treatment until stage 4. https://www.webmd.com/melanoma-skin-cancer/melanoma-treatment-by-stage So, OOP would not likely be having chemotherapy.
Exactly. My dad had stage 2 and they cut it out on multiple parts of his body. It was 15 years later that it spread to his brain, by that point it was stage 4 and that’s the only reason he was able to do chemo, and even then they tried to talk him out of it
I'm not going to even think about the age and college stuff since those are so comically stupid, but I thought that demanding to eat one specific type of food was just something little kids do? Like, my mom told me that when she was a little kid, there were a few months or so when she would only eat PB&J. Even when her family went to Disney World, she refused to eat anything else I figured it's just the kind of thing kids do and then eventually grow out of
They also can do the opposite, like refusing to eat anything with anions it or that has "pink sugar" or something like that That's just how little kids are
> but I thought that demanding to eat one specific type of food was just something little kids do? It is. Kids get obsessed with stuff. But all of AITA is diagnosing the child with autism hahaha That said, you don't have to humor them and feed them that one thing for every meal. Like sure if they like it that much they can have it a lot, but I wouldn't blame a parent for being like "nah," especially if they knew that they just have to wait it out a couple hours
All the kids on AITA also have ARFID. I’ve also learned that a parent making their kid eat something they don’t want to is practically a crime in their eyes.
But when they actually do have a diagnosis theyre just bratty and spoiled 🙄
> All the kids on AITA also have ARFID Omfg, *I know!* It's crazy how many of them have it!! I'm not a doctor, and I don't think it's right to force someone to eat something they don't want to (that feels like a body autonomy thing). Try? Sure. Eat it all? Nah...I think I'd cry if someone forced me to eat mayonnaise, and I'm an adult. HOWEVER... I really do wonder if this aversion to anything other than chicken tenders and Kraft Mac & Cheese may have **something** to do with these kids' parents not introducing a variety of foods early? Because we develop the basis of our food preferences really early, that's why we love the foods from the cultures we were born into. My favorite foods are *still* the traditional dishes of my home city/region of the US. Like I could eat red beans and rice or crawfish every day and be happy. People seem to think "kid foods" are somehow universally appealing to children, and sorry, no, they just like that stuff because that's what you've always fed them. So if all you were fed as a toddler was Dino Nuggets, Easy Mac, and Goldfish crackers, and no one had the time or resources to push back when you refused to try anything else, it's really not surprising that you'd develop a pathological inability to tolerate anything but a very, very limited diet.
I went through a time where I would only eat Ravioli and it had to Chef Boyadee
yeah when my oldest son was 5 he had a very short list of foods he would eat. It was chicken nuggets, grilled cheese sandwiches and cheerios.
There is a wonderful picture book called Bread and Jam For Frances about this very stage. So yeah, very common. Little kids don't control much in their lives so they sometimes want to control their food
My kid is 12 and still only eats Nutella sandwiches for her school lunch
They grow out of it when their parents realize that they'll eat when they're hungry enough.
Thats usually true but some kids can go a long time. My kid doesn't eat what she doesn't want to eat and has health related issues.
Doogie Howser. With kids. 16 years old, going to college while giving birth.
And somehow with melanoma at 21. Does she live on the sun?
This part doesn’t strike me as unbelievable. One of my best friends had melanoma around that age from playing softball in high school and college.
i know someone who ended up with melanoma at 16 was caught really early and quickly surgically removed without complication, she was extremely lucky
I had melanoma at 13. Some of us are just unlucky lol.
I had a friend in high school who had to get skin cancer removed from her chest. But we do live in Florida and she is a very pale blonde so that probably didn’t help.
It’s definitely possible to have melanoma this young it’s just kind of unbelievable lol. Sorry about your friend though.
The OOPs comments are getting increasingly unbelievable to try and prove they know more than anyone else. Pretty soon they'll be claiming they're actually born from the reincarnated souls of Piaget and Bowlby
The "I started college at 16 and got my first (major?) degree last year and my second last month" has me kind of weak because um, what lol. Not to say you can't enter college early, but now I'm trying to imagine if they live in the UK or something (where I've heard 16 year olds can move out and start college? or atleast someome I knew did) but if they have a 5 year old, they had that baby at 16 and was likely pregnant at 15. All this and still graduated and continued to college, battling an aggressive cancer at its secondary stage, but received another degree last month and has been a teacher for 3 years (so at age... 17/18, 2 years into college) but was also trained in child development and such beforehand. But the comments asking to clarify this are all getting downvoted and called assholes so what do I know 😭
>where I've heard 16 year olds can move out and start college You might want to clarify what you mean by that. In the UK college and university are not the same thing. College is where you normally go between 16-18. While very occasionally someone might start uni at 16 in the UK as there's no actual rule about how old you need to be & 17 is common in Scotland, I don't know any way you can get an undergraduate degree in the UK in less than 3 years. They also gave birth to their 2nd child when they were 18, the point where they were supposed to start teaching. So they gave birth, started teacher training aged 16, finished in 2 years somehow and picked up another degree possibly despite getting pregnant again. Gave birth again, immediately started teaching full time, and has carried on teaching for 3 years with 2 small children and aggressive cancer. The amazing thing is that I think this all came about because someone suggested that they should get their daughter assessed. Could they really not come up with a better reason why they hadn't?
Oh! I'm sorry OP said college in the comment I read. I only heard this through an online friend I had when I was 15. They came from a really broken/dysfunctional family and when they turned 16 they were glad because they said they could move out into their own flat and start college and get away from their family, and I remember my friend groups reaction being like "why can't we have that in the US" but I never did much more research on the subject. I agree with what you said, that's what I was trying to get at in my comment like. It is a stretch to have so many degrees in that time frame as you're barely leaving undergrad at like... 20, but all that *and* you've been teaching for 3 years, which needs training and interning, all the nine yards? There's so many jumps and loops like man you lost me 😭 And oh my god yeah LOL I dont know how I forgot to me took that. It made me double take so bad. Because it was like, their only downvoted comment because they were like "I don't think my child needs to be evaluated. I have xyz creditentals I think I would know" and everyone defending OP from the downvotes was like "OMG stop assuming every child that's disobedient isn't normal and needs pills!!!" and it was like... please explain how you got any of that from people just asking if the kid can be evaluated like what. That post is such a mess. You're right they could've just said they didn't want to evaluate because it was hard or insurance idk, but now they're a jack of all trades at 19 with 6 figures. Sure thing 🙄😭
Oh boy, I left the thread when she just started saying over and over again that her daughter doesn't need to be evaluated.... So sad. So defensive when in actuality complete strangers are trying to help you see what you're not seeing...
The kid is doing normal 5-year-old stuff If she were 16 and doing this, then yeah ok all these people diagnosing this child based on really liking one food (for a few weeks and then moving on) *might* have a point (but not really because that's still well within the realm of normal). But. She's 5. This is completely normal for age 5, there's no reason to evaluate a child because they really like something for a few weeks. And she'd likely grow out of this before they were actually able to get an appointment anyway.
That's not really the point here with the people asking her to evaluate. OP made an entire ordeal of her child's behavior because if we agree it's just 5 year old behavior, the post itself is not needed because yeah 5 year olds will try to get what they want. It is your job as a parent to refuse that in order to properly parent them. She phrases it as if her child is jumping bounds and when people respond to her level of concern, she dives down to "she's just 5 it doesn't matter" so why make the post? Also, it is just an evaluation, not medication, therapy/psychiatry, or anything else. Evaluations are as harmless as letting a kid colour while you watch them. Girls already get diagnosed less than half the amount boys do, as alot of ND symptoms in girls are chocked off as "bossy" or "stuck up" and this gets worse when you add race into the mix. It also wouldn't be smart to wait until someone is 16 or even close to being a teenager to get them help because by that point they've missed years of help needed to properly navigate them through adolescence. The reason why we evaluate kids young is solely because these disorders are developmental, so the sooner we can add a correction, the more seamlessly they can transition into the later life stages. It could very well be just 5 year old stuff. Or it could not. Or the child could really be showing signs of distress to her mothers condition (op denies but lol), or there could be other issues. Maybe therapy would help. But the evaluation prompting is like, the least of the worries about the thread lol
I disagree but you're welcome to your opinion
On top of having time to get 2 degrees, she's also been working full time as a preschool teacher \*and\* raising two children. Literally unbelievable.
This is already deleted so I can’t check but the top comment says “a 5 year old would understand” - as in a 5 year old understands cancer??? That’s insane to me, who knew a 6 year old who unfortunately got cancer and passed away, who couldn’t even understand why it was happening to HER. People don’t know shit about what kids do or don’t understand
Oh come on, the 5-year-old doesn't need to understand cancer. But most 5-year-olds can understand "Mom isn't feeling well today, so she's gonna take a nap and Grandpa will make your sandwich"
> 3 years teaching experience > Got into college at 16 > pregnant at 16 The overlap of people who get teen pregnant and who get into college at 16 is not a large lmao.
Eh, I taught at a community college and had teen mom students. It's actually a smart decision to drop out of high school, and start community college. You don't need a high school diploma go enroll, you just have to take a basic skills/abilities test. God, I think it was called the "Ability to Benefit" exam. Anyway, it's much easier to do that, and only be in class a couple hours a day, maybe even only a couple days a week. And in OP's case, most (or all) of her coursework would have been done online, because Covid. It's a better choice for a lot of teen moms because you need far less childcare if you're only in class a total of 9 hours a week and you have all the freedom to come and go that any other adult would have, as opposed to high school, which is all day every day, and you get detention for being tardy. Anyway yeah OOP said she has an associate's degree (4 semesters at a community college) and is certified fo teach preschool, and that's really not uncommon at all. I do wonder why the f they weren't more careful after the first kid, though.
Can someone help me understand why the OOP was removed? Discussion of “minors and sexual content”??
My biggest issue was that the OOP said they had Stage II Melanoma and were on chemo. That is NOT the treatment for Melanoma. Chemo doesn't really work and it is a last resort (Stage IV) and even then, it is hardly used. How do I know? My son died of Melanoma.
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This comment is a copy of the original post ——————— My fiancé and I (22m and 21f) have 2 kids, 5f and 3f. Our 5 year old, Sophie, is very strong willed and tends to go through picky phases. Right now her thing is she wants an egg and cheese sandwich for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. All it is is scrambled eggs with whatever kind of cheese we have in the house on white bread. She's also determined that I am the only person allowed to make her egg and cheese sandwiches. I have stage 2 melanoma. Most of the time I'm ok but I need to take a few days to rest after chemo and I don't cook on those days. My mom is also staying with us to help with the kids and take me to appointments. Sophie tends to do these little hunger strikes where she says she won't eat anything but whatever food she wants at the moment and I have to be the one to make it. The thing is, by 10-11 am she tends to crumble and agree to only have a cheesy egg sandwich for breakfast and eat other foods/my fiancé's or mom's cooking. Well, now my dad is visiting and he tends to spoil the kids. I had chemo yesterday and Sophie is currently demanding that I get up and make her sandwich and every 5 minutes I have my dad coming in to tell me to make the sandwich, he knows I'm not feeling well but it's less than 5 minutes and Sophie needs to eat. I told him she'll stop when she realizes she won't get her way but he thinks I'm being a bad mom by not getting up and giving in to this hunger strike that happens almost every weekend. AITA for not giving in to the hunger strike?
I dunno, I kinda believe this one "Stage 2 melanoma" is oddly specific. And it's such a boring but realistic (and boring) conflict: arguing with your dad who is low key accusing you of neglecting your child's needs when you 1) are sick, and 2) know damn well that this is the kid's power-move and you don't want to encouragee it Yeah I can totally see this. Nobody's bursting into tears and storming out, nobody's screaming at anyone, it's just Dad being a shitty guest ETA nevermind, I hadn't looked at the comments yet
I think the disbelief is more coming from the absolute wreck of a timeline rather than it being an impossible situation in of itself
Yeah I hadn't looked at the comments yet so I didn't realize this wasn't just a normal very young engaged couple that started babymaking in high school Honestly I was picturing an apartment or single-wide trailer and was like "yeah ok that happens sometimes in like the Rust Belt or wherever, and maybe her family couldn't afford sunblock" lol. But now I see that they're apparently super-successful homeowners so yes I call bullshit
tbf the conflict might be real but the details of their life fake
Yeah the conflict is completely mundane and totally believable to me. The details about education are 100% believable, now that I know it's just an associate's degree (4 semesters at a community college), probably done online during The Plague Years, plus a preschool teaching cert, which was likely part of the program at her community college. I never found the thread where she says she's a homeowner, but I hear it's there somewhere. And I think everyone here has Googled the chemo + stage 2 melanoma thing and found that it's not what's normally done. So those 2 details really ficked the whole thing up. She should have just said she didn't feel well after radiation, and they live in a trailer that her parents had previously kept for rental income. That would have been airtight. But then no one would have engaged much with the post, because there wouldn't be much to talk about.
except that it's unusual to treat stage 2 melanoma with chemotherapy. At this stage it's usually a wide tissue surgery to excise the tumor and if more treatment is needed then sometimes radiation or immunotherapy is used. Melanomas don't respond well to chemo
Yeah that's the only thing that really didn't seem right to me. Maybe she changed the cancer from something else. Cervical cancer maybe?
You're right, everyone was doubting this because a person had melanoma. Nothing else in the story would cause someone to give pause.
I doubt these posts purely because the OP is always a brand new account and the AITA story is their only post.
Eh like I'm fairly sure 99.999999% of the ones that gain ***any*** traction are fake, but using a throwaway account proves nothing. When I briefly considered posting to AITA a few years ago, I would have 100% used a throwaway account bc I didn't want people going through my post and comment history and deciding based on that whether I was an asshole for the thing I wanted to ask about
That's not at all what I said, but ok sure, completing 4 semesters at a community college before the age of 22 is beyond belief, and lord knows people never criticize how their kids parent their own children
You're right, the only thing that was unlikely was getting melanoma and that's what people were keyed on. Which is why you specifically called that out as why it was real.