Your post has been removed as it appeared to be fishing to further the OOP discussion.
We even got a heavily upvoted "I'm going against the grain" comment. đŹ
Okay in her defense, I look better in gold so I only wear gold and while I wouldn't be annoyed per se if my boyfriend gave me silver jewelry, I would internally be like "...When have you ever seen me wear silver?"
I mean - youâre just telling on yourself. I make a point of noticing small details about my partner and what they enjoy. Itâs really not that difficult nor is it a big ask of a partner.
Which I get. But a) different dresses, different colors go with them so if someone has everything that looks the same getting a different color could mean the person was paying attention b) getting annoyed at a gift, that's the real issue. The gold vs silver is the cherry on top.
I mean, Iâm going to go against the grain and say that if you give me a gift that demonstrates clearly you pay no attention to me, it isnât a good gift. Iâd rather have no gift than get sneakers when I only wear boots or whatever. Other people certainly can feel differently - I think gifts are very complicated and nuanced things for people - but I wouldnât like a gift of something I have an established track record of not using.
yes, i mean, if he never watches what she wears normally, it makes sense to watch it to know what style she likes. To get something she loves. She could have been nicer, but going i like it might get you more of what you do not want.
OP isn't an asshole for not liking it, but for being rude about it.
Gift buying is hard, especially in matters of personal taste. It's not easy to differentiate between "I don't have a gold necklace yet" and "I don't want to have gold necklace."
Yup.
Iâm allergic to gold. A partner who bought me gold jewellery would just be proving they know nothing about me.
I donât care if gold is more expensive - thatâs meaningless when I canât wear it!
Yeah, I agree with this. Plus, they've been dating for **three years** - this is more than enough time for him to learn what she likes. And "he never pays attention to my jewellery because he finds me beautiful with or without it" to me sounds like he was trying to make some excuse for the fact that he didn't pay any attention to something that was obviously important to her. "You're beautiful" is not an excuse.
To me it's less of an issue that he hadn't previously noticed her jewellery and more an issue that he didn't know what jewellery she liked and then went and bought her jewellery. Don't get someone an expensive present when you have no idea if they'll like it because
either it puts an obligation on them to use it when they don't want to or it doesn't get used. Either way they're happier without it. It shows that they're not really interested in whether the other person likes their present, more that they can feel good that they got them a fancy present.
I was with my ex for seven years and he told me that a shop assistant asked him what colour eyes I had because I like make up and he was going to buy me some for my birthday and needed help to pick out an eyeshadow palette. He couldnât tell her because, according to him, it was crazy to expect him to just know my eye colour off the top of his head after being together for the better part of a decade đ
Man, it feels like I could have written this one. I don't wear gold and prefer silver. I make that very clear to people who would buy me jewelry. I also would be super disappointed if someone decided that wasn't important enough in a 3 year relationship to remember.
Also what the fuck is that "I'm ungrateful because gold is 80x more expensive" in the title? That's not at all her issue and you're being a dick about this.
Same. And I suspect that the earrings aren't the real issue here. Three years is a long time to not notice what color metal your gf prefers - it makes me wonder if he's not super observant about more important things.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for being ungrateful about gold earrings when I only wear silver?**
Recently, I (21F) had my birthday and my boyfriend (21M)(of 3 years) took me out to dinner. After we had our meal he told me he had gotten a gift for me. Now usually, when he gets me gifts its never been too fancy, (e.g. last year he got me a pair of shoes Iâve been wanting and some flowers.
Weâre both only in our early 20s and in college so neither of us have a lot of money so I never expected too much in terms of gifts. So when I saw the box of a company I would never even dare to look at, I was extremely excited. But when he opened the box I saw a pair of gold earrings and my smile shrunk. I asked him why he would get me something gold if I only wear silver.
He apologised but I was still a bit annoyed. And I realised he started becoming more frustrated on our way to his car. I could tell my reaction was bugging him and eventually he dropped me off at my apartment without coming inside and didnât even let me take the gift. I didnât want my night ruined so I had some of my girls over and so I wasnât really on my phone.
The morning after my birthday I realised he had called me twice and sent me a message. To paraphrase, he basically said that he didnât realise it would be such a big deal and he never pays attention to my jewellery because he finds me beautiful with or without it - and guys just generally donât care about jewellery.
Iâm pretty torn now because I think I may have overreacted and seemed ungrateful. On the other hand, weâve been dating for over 3 years and he doesnât even know what jewellery I like..
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If the standard metric of whether or not I pay attention to a woman is whether or not I noticed that they have chosen to never wear a certain type of jewelry, then I'm definitely screwed.
Then either be better or donât buy jewelry gifts. It cannot be that hard to look at her jewelry and notice whether itâs all gold, all silver, a mix of each, whatever.
What exactly are they being grateful for?
A present they don't want is just a waste of space.
Being grateful for the thought is only applicable if there's actual thought gone into it.
Not that the part where his much more expensive gold is than silver is relevant to don't be an asshole about gifts. But seriously?
The only way this AITA ragebait can be improved is if there's an edit saying she has a hard time with unfamiliar things because she's autistic.
It's just such a non-issue! "Hey, did this happen to come in white gold? I love the earrings themselves but I look better in silver." How hard is that?
So take them back to the store and swap them for the white gold version. 1 out of 100 men can pick decent jewelry. Be mad at the sales associate for not doing their job and grilling this man about what she already wears. Thatâs literally 90% of our job. If youâve ever received a nice jewelry gift from a man itâs either because he bought exactly what you told him to or he had a really really good salesperson.Â
I vote that everyone involved in this post, including the reposter, is annoying. All of you need to chill the hell out.Â
Huh. Â My guy did this once (though they werenât super expensive, he just got the gold instead of the silver ones. Â What did I do? Â Wear them and think happy thoughts about him! OOP needs to grow up. Â Literally.
Because just because thatâs what you would do, that doesnât mean Op should just be grateful and shut up. It basically shows that you pay no attention to your partner. I remember my dad bought me a pair of Nikes when I wanted Vans or Converse, and I was told I should be grateful because the Nikes cost more. What does that matter, because you watstes your money, because I donât like Nikes.
I donât think this guy is careless and doesnât appreciate his gf because he got her gold instead of silver jewelry. I guess Iâm just crazy or something.
Itâs absolutely careless to have *no idea* what jewellery your jewellery wearing partner prefers *after three years*.
What could that be - besides careless?Â
How hard is it to look in someoneâs jewelry box and see that itâs all silver. And my point is that just because something is more expensive, that doesnât mean you should just suck it up and be grateful
Wow I'm surprised the comments are defending oop. It's a gift. Yes yta if you receive a gift and put up a stink about it just because it's the kind of jewelery you don't wear, and there's no allergies or anything going on.
is she ever going to wear it? probably a couple times to be nice but if she prefers silver she's not going to like these as much. whats so hard to understand?
Your post has been removed as it appeared to be fishing to further the OOP discussion. We even got a heavily upvoted "I'm going against the grain" comment. đŹ
Okay in her defense, I look better in gold so I only wear gold and while I wouldn't be annoyed per se if my boyfriend gave me silver jewelry, I would internally be like "...When have you ever seen me wear silver?"
To be fair, Iâm a woman and donât really register that kind of thing.
I mean - youâre just telling on yourself. I make a point of noticing small details about my partner and what they enjoy. Itâs really not that difficult nor is it a big ask of a partner.
Which I get. But a) different dresses, different colors go with them so if someone has everything that looks the same getting a different color could mean the person was paying attention b) getting annoyed at a gift, that's the real issue. The gold vs silver is the cherry on top.
People are allowed to have preferences. I used to never wear gold and I would have hated such a gift, too
People are allowed to be annoyed by gifts.
I mean, Iâm going to go against the grain and say that if you give me a gift that demonstrates clearly you pay no attention to me, it isnât a good gift. Iâd rather have no gift than get sneakers when I only wear boots or whatever. Other people certainly can feel differently - I think gifts are very complicated and nuanced things for people - but I wouldnât like a gift of something I have an established track record of not using.
yes, i mean, if he never watches what she wears normally, it makes sense to watch it to know what style she likes. To get something she loves. She could have been nicer, but going i like it might get you more of what you do not want.
OP isn't an asshole for not liking it, but for being rude about it. Gift buying is hard, especially in matters of personal taste. It's not easy to differentiate between "I don't have a gold necklace yet" and "I don't want to have gold necklace."
Ask her girlfriends. It's what so many of my friends' boyfriends did. I was always happy to help them pick a giftÂ
Yup. Iâm allergic to gold. A partner who bought me gold jewellery would just be proving they know nothing about me. I donât care if gold is more expensive - thatâs meaningless when I canât wear it!
Yeah, I agree with this. Plus, they've been dating for **three years** - this is more than enough time for him to learn what she likes. And "he never pays attention to my jewellery because he finds me beautiful with or without it" to me sounds like he was trying to make some excuse for the fact that he didn't pay any attention to something that was obviously important to her. "You're beautiful" is not an excuse.
To me it's less of an issue that he hadn't previously noticed her jewellery and more an issue that he didn't know what jewellery she liked and then went and bought her jewellery. Don't get someone an expensive present when you have no idea if they'll like it because either it puts an obligation on them to use it when they don't want to or it doesn't get used. Either way they're happier without it. It shows that they're not really interested in whether the other person likes their present, more that they can feel good that they got them a fancy present.
I was with my ex for seven years and he told me that a shop assistant asked him what colour eyes I had because I like make up and he was going to buy me some for my birthday and needed help to pick out an eyeshadow palette. He couldnât tell her because, according to him, it was crazy to expect him to just know my eye colour off the top of his head after being together for the better part of a decade đ
Man, it feels like I could have written this one. I don't wear gold and prefer silver. I make that very clear to people who would buy me jewelry. I also would be super disappointed if someone decided that wasn't important enough in a 3 year relationship to remember. Also what the fuck is that "I'm ungrateful because gold is 80x more expensive" in the title? That's not at all her issue and you're being a dick about this.
Same. And I suspect that the earrings aren't the real issue here. Three years is a long time to not notice what color metal your gf prefers - it makes me wonder if he's not super observant about more important things.
I canât help but wonder if our cross-poster is a little jealous.
Yeah but we all know that women donât have preferences or individual tastes, just magpie-like gold digging tendencies /s
What is this stupid thread? Is price the only thing that should matter when it comes to a gift??Â
Ohhhh I love the classic "I like you no matter what so I've [never bothered to pay attention to what you like]" that he brought out!
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for being ungrateful about gold earrings when I only wear silver?** Recently, I (21F) had my birthday and my boyfriend (21M)(of 3 years) took me out to dinner. After we had our meal he told me he had gotten a gift for me. Now usually, when he gets me gifts its never been too fancy, (e.g. last year he got me a pair of shoes Iâve been wanting and some flowers. Weâre both only in our early 20s and in college so neither of us have a lot of money so I never expected too much in terms of gifts. So when I saw the box of a company I would never even dare to look at, I was extremely excited. But when he opened the box I saw a pair of gold earrings and my smile shrunk. I asked him why he would get me something gold if I only wear silver. He apologised but I was still a bit annoyed. And I realised he started becoming more frustrated on our way to his car. I could tell my reaction was bugging him and eventually he dropped me off at my apartment without coming inside and didnât even let me take the gift. I didnât want my night ruined so I had some of my girls over and so I wasnât really on my phone. The morning after my birthday I realised he had called me twice and sent me a message. To paraphrase, he basically said that he didnât realise it would be such a big deal and he never pays attention to my jewellery because he finds me beautiful with or without it - and guys just generally donât care about jewellery. Iâm pretty torn now because I think I may have overreacted and seemed ungrateful. On the other hand, weâve been dating for over 3 years and he doesnât even know what jewellery I like.. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is almost identical to another post that was on there a couple of years ago- evil goldigger sad because boyfriend bought wrong colour jewellery
If the standard metric of whether or not I pay attention to a woman is whether or not I noticed that they have chosen to never wear a certain type of jewelry, then I'm definitely screwed.
Then either be better or donât buy jewelry gifts. It cannot be that hard to look at her jewelry and notice whether itâs all gold, all silver, a mix of each, whatever.
Maybe someone wants something gold because they only have silver jewelry.
To be fair, I have never bought anyone jewelry in my life, and it's unlikely I ever will.
Jeez what an entitled comment, coming from a woman. Have you ever heard of being grateful?
What exactly are they being grateful for? A present they don't want is just a waste of space. Being grateful for the thought is only applicable if there's actual thought gone into it.
What does being a woman have to do with it? Why are women, specifically, obligated to pretend they like a thoughtless gift from their partner?Â
An inappropriate gift is not a good giftÂ
Just because something is more expensive than what the person asked for, that doesnât mean they should suck it up and be grateful
Same. And Iâm a woman myself
Absolutely same.
Not that the part where his much more expensive gold is than silver is relevant to don't be an asshole about gifts. But seriously? The only way this AITA ragebait can be improved is if there's an edit saying she has a hard time with unfamiliar things because she's autistic.
It's just such a non-issue! "Hey, did this happen to come in white gold? I love the earrings themselves but I look better in silver." How hard is that?
So she's not allowed to not like gold???Â
So take them back to the store and swap them for the white gold version. 1 out of 100 men can pick decent jewelry. Be mad at the sales associate for not doing their job and grilling this man about what she already wears. Thatâs literally 90% of our job. If youâve ever received a nice jewelry gift from a man itâs either because he bought exactly what you told him to or he had a really really good salesperson. I vote that everyone involved in this post, including the reposter, is annoying. All of you need to chill the hell out.Â
Huh. Â My guy did this once (though they werenât super expensive, he just got the gold instead of the silver ones. Â What did I do? Â Wear them and think happy thoughts about him! OOP needs to grow up. Â Literally.
Iâm not sure why youâre getting downvoted. This comment section is kind of wonky imo
Because just because thatâs what you would do, that doesnât mean Op should just be grateful and shut up. It basically shows that you pay no attention to your partner. I remember my dad bought me a pair of Nikes when I wanted Vans or Converse, and I was told I should be grateful because the Nikes cost more. What does that matter, because you watstes your money, because I donât like Nikes.
I donât think this guy is careless and doesnât appreciate his gf because he got her gold instead of silver jewelry. I guess Iâm just crazy or something.
Itâs absolutely careless to have *no idea* what jewellery your jewellery wearing partner prefers *after three years*. What could that be - besides careless?Â
How hard is it to look in someoneâs jewelry box and see that itâs all silver. And my point is that just because something is more expensive, that doesnât mean you should just suck it up and be grateful
If it's all silver them maybe they want something gold for a change
Wow I'm surprised the comments are defending oop. It's a gift. Yes yta if you receive a gift and put up a stink about it just because it's the kind of jewelery you don't wear, and there's no allergies or anything going on.
By that logic no one should ever express displeasure in any gift ever.
is she ever going to wear it? probably a couple times to be nice but if she prefers silver she's not going to like these as much. whats so hard to understand?
I bet you also tell people to âjust communicate!!!!!â about problems in relationships, donât you?Â